Brenda Seefeldt Amodea's Blog, page 6

We are All a Mix of Anxiety and Faith

I recently heard a pastor say, “When you have less faith, you will have more anxiety.”

I apologize on behalf of dumb pastors.

Anxiety and faith exist together.

We are all a mix of anxiety and faith.

Anxiety is approaching the future with fear. Anxiety is an overestimating of the problem.

What helps anxiety is not more faith. It is living a more virtuous life.

This wisdom comes from a 20-something British young woman who is on to something:

“There’s a lot of advice out there about anxiety, especially for young people. Anxious people need to do breathwork. We need to meditate more. Repeat positive affirmations. Almost none of it works.

“I think this is because we now use the word anxiety to describe two different things. There’s the anxiety that makes young people scared to answer the phone or order in restaurants. But there’s also a deeper, ambient anxiety I see so many of us wracked with—a sort of neurotic paralysis. Not knowing which path to take in life. Not knowing what decisions to make. Not knowing who we are. It’s this constant second-guessing, examining every decision to death, agonising over the right thing to do. When young people talk about how unbearable their anxiety is, the relentlessness of it, I think this is more what they mean.

“For this anxiety, mainstream mental health advice doesn’t cut it. Maybe it helps in the moment, but the anxiety always comes back. I think that’s because it isn’t about how we feel, or what we want. It’s about how we act. The answer to this anxiety, I’ve come to believe, is living by strong moral values.

“Which is not something we hear often. If we feel anxious today we are advised to analyse our past and problems and relationships, rarely our own character. We are asked what would make us happy, never what would make us honourable. We are told to love ourselves, with little care for how we conduct ourselves. We are reminded to find self-respect and self-esteem, forgetting that these things are earned. Self-development is more about ice baths and breathwork than becoming a better person. Living authentically is more about buying products. So much talk about mental health and so little about morality—how we orient our lives, our private code of conduct, whether we even have an overarching sense of good guiding us.” –Freya India https://www.freyaindia.co.uk/p/we-need-moral-direction

What makes us honorable? How are we conducting ourselves? Do we have an overarching sense of good guiding us?Does your soul want a moral code?What is your soul saying?

This matches up with the latest American Bible Society research. Out of a range of 0-20 for anxiety, the Bible-disengaged Gen Zers scored 7.1. Those who are Bible-engaged scored 3.4. That is half. That is remarkable. —American Bible Society, p. 114

Perhaps engaging with the Bible which gives us a moral code (the Bible is waaaaaayyy more than a rule book, by the way) does actually help decrease anxiety.

Virtue is what happens when wise and courageous choices become second nature. You develop a virtue by taking action toward a thing that’s objectively good. The virtue crops up as a byproduct. Virtue is a byproduct of your decisions. Virtues change the way we make decisions. You have the God-given authority to lead your brain.

Virtues are living your life out of worthiness because you are enough so you make honorable decisions.

A virtuous life carries less shame and less regret and less fear of the future. Anxiety is approaching the future with fear.

This is not love yourself so have another salt bath. This is conduct yourself better. Make those 1,000 small honorable decisions.

This will lessen your anxiety.

Have you ever thought about that before? Do you see it as a true possibility? Is your soul feeling this?

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The Awe in the Moment You Realized You Have Grown

My son is coming to the end of a very long prison sentence. This has been a learning curve for him, and for me. Prison does that. I’ve written bits about it here and here and here.

At the end of this long journey, he finds himself waiting for release at a Level 2 prison here in Virginia. His Level 2 prison has been carved out of a Level 4 prison. This is because, like too many states, Virginia overbuilt prisons 30-40 years ago and are now closing several facilities and rearranging the entire system. When you read The New Jim Crow, you will understand the injustice and racist power to do this. I will end this personal soapbox with that.

So here Kenneth is with the privileges of a Level 2 but has Level 4 ignorance to deal with. When the immature act up in a Level 4, he is placed on locked down too.

He is also seeing faces again in the Level 4 who have seen his long journey.

This is what he wrote to me. Prison has an email system (that is not free, more injustice) where he writes me his deeper thoughts than our phone calls.

“I am just ending this last section of my sentence. I see the guys that I was at (Level 5) with here on the 4 side that are stuck. They see me and ask, ‘Are you getting ready to get released?’ They smile but I also see a look of dread hidden under those smiles.

“It goes back to over a decade ago that I used to tell those fellows with (those) life long sentences. I will be getting ready for release after 25 years. They always would say that’s like doing life. At first I would feel like that was truth until I made it half way through my sentence. Now I am under 5 and on a real countdown.

“So my old guys see me and they smile but it’s also a look like, ‘boy, you escaped this ending.’ It’s a feeling that I can’t really explain to you. Being in it but then also making it out of it but still witnessing it daily. It is a dreadful feeling but a welcomed one. I ain’t in it but I can reach out and literally touch it.
“These guys are done for but they still go about their day as routine calls. They don’t stop. I ask myself if I could endure that. My conscious self says I don’t want to and I believe I would not. It’s just I see the people and I don’t know if they are really getting what it is.

“My level drops (and) it leads me out of the door. They have life terms and theirs end at a Level 3. Young guys ask me all (of) the time, ‘Did the time go fast?’ I say it has slow points and it has kick points. But it has been close to 26 years and this ain’t no accomplishment. I lost 26 years so far. That’s the reality. I ain’t quit though. I won’t ever quit. Life is life. If the good Lord allowed me to make it this far ‘whole’ then I can’t quit.”

Twenty-six years sounds like such a long time of being stuck. Like a long time of waiting for life to start again. Until it doesn’t when you realize all that has grown in those 26 years.

This makes sense and it feels awful.

We live in tree time–where personal growth is always happening. It is also hard to see. And then you see it and are in awe. Like that moment you see a large beautiful tree.

My son is having that moment. (Me too, actually.)

Dr. Brene’ Brown defined awe in the beautiful book, Atlas of the Heart,

“When feeling awe, we tend to simply stand back and observe, ‘to provide a stage for the phenomenon to shine.’”

–Dr. Brene’ Brown, Atlas of the Heart, p. 58

I am standing back and providing a stage here on Bravester for this phenomenon to shine.Because you feel stuck, and it’s been a lot less than 26 years.Because your heart is growing calloused. You are tired of pretending to be okay.Because your life needs a moment of awe to soften your calloused heart. I give you this moment of mine to soften yours. And inspire hope inside of you. The kind of hope that has bloody fists.

God loves to watch his creation grow. Growth is happening, even if you don’t see it. Or especially when you don’t feel it. Then one moment you get to see the growth that happened and you feel awe. Words really can’t describe it. You just realize with a gut full of overwhelming emotions that a whole lot of good has happened inside of you.

Hello, beautiful. You are shining.

If the most important thing in life is the person you become, then growing is one of the hardest things you will ever do.

Further reading about awe:

Seeing Pain Up Close is an Experience of Awe

A Brave Faith Has Moments of Awe

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You Inspire Awe (In God Too.)

“God already knows every deep thing within us—even those things too deep for our own conscious minds to retrieve—yet he searches us anyway. His Spirit seeks though he knows what he will find. He is neither bored nor uninterested. His omniscience does not distract from his discovery.” –Beth Moore, Align:  31 Days of Prayer, Day 31 (emphasis mine)

Have you ever considered that God has moments of awe about you?

Yes, God is omniscient which means he knows everything. Yet he searches us anyway…and is awed.

Psalm 139 tells us, v. 23, Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Everything prior to that verse in Psalm 139 is God being amazed about you. It’s about his continual presence with you and such things as wonderfully complex, marvelous, woven together…in the dark. This matches that wonderful truth about how even in the darkness God is there. This continues to comfort me.

This led to a wonderful conversation at my church. (This is what we do as our expression of church.) Someone bravely asked, “Is God only in awe of us when we are Christians, or is he in awe of us because we are made in his image? Is God in awe of the 1 sheep who ran away as well as the other 99?”

There was some conversation added to this and then I said,

“I think God is awed by the one sheep which is why he pursues with love and grace. Not shame. Awe doesn’t have space for shame.”

Awe doesn’t have space for shame.God does not use shame to pursue us.God is not insecure that he needs to use shame to “power over” us to call us back.

You may think God does use shame because you struggle with shame. You feel responsible in your ruminating of all of the bad things you’ve done as well as your bad decisions. Shame feels responsible.

Or you have a view of a judgey God who uses shame to keep you in line.

Meanwhile, God never uses shame to pursue us. You can’t find it in the Bible.

Let’s begin with the verse after John 3:16. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:17. Not to judge you but to save you. This pursuit is full of love because God desires for you to be saved, see John 3:16.

Even in that parable of the one lost sheep. We think that Jesus begrudgingly leaves the 99 with an exasperation about this one (you) who just can’t get it right. Then you are found and picked up and placed onto the shoulders of the Savior Shepherd (you saw this in a painting because it comes right out of the Bible) but that only means you got to hear even more clearer the grumbling he was doing under his breath at the extra work that had to be done to pursue you and leave the good 99. You believe you are a continual disappointment.

Where did that false story come from? That’s not in the Bible. So ponder, where did that false story come from?

When you were on those shoulders being returned, and if you could have read the Savior Shepherd’s mind, you would have realized he was planning to throw a party for you. (Luke 15:6). You were pursued, as lost as you were, and now you get a party.

There is no shame.

Perhaps there is even some awe…about you.

We are all born into this world looking to be found. You are being pursued to be found and given a place. Your body, your soul, your mind has a place to be found.

But you belong to God, my dear children. 1 John 4:4.

Psalm 139 ends with this verse, v. 24 – Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Do you see God using shame to point out what is wrong with you? Or do you now see the loving pursuit? And now see God leading you (which means to be near you) on a better path?

The nearer God gets to you, the more awe he feels towards you.

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Noticing Gen Z and the Tweens of Gen Alpha, Part 5

They are not like previous generations.

This generation is different. Says someone who has been there with teens since the 1980s. I as a youth pastor have worked with teens in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s, and now the 2020s. (Read about these different decades here.) So I say confidently that this Gen Z and the new tweens of Gen Alpha are very different. This Information Age and the smart devices have changed adolescence. This is a good and bad thing. Join me in this series at the odd wonder of what is going on. Your heart will break and you will find inspiration.  I believe in teens.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

This one has a focus on social media. And a lot of words that I didn’t write. This is more from Freya India, whom I’ve quoted often in this series, talking about how social media has sucked the bravery right out of Gen Z.

Today’s tweens have more of other people’s memories than memories they have created on their own. And they are know-it-alls believing everything they have seen on YouTube or TikTok is real and real life wisdom–without learning any of this information on their own. And they love to share this know-it-all wisdom with adults to educate us as if it is true.

My first urge is to correct them or say there is no way that they know that information to be true. I’m learning to just listen. Tweens want to be heard, even if they don’t have their own memories to be shared. This very thought grieves me so.

Freya India wrote this truthful insight, What Happened to FOMO. I encourage you to click through and read all of it. And ache for the memories not being made.

Social media doesn’t make Gen Z afraid to miss out; it makes us want to miss out. We want to avoid the risk, the rejection, the awkwardness, the effort and energy that the real world demands. Our major problem isn’t fear of missing out. It’s fear of taking part. –Freya India

Why is this?

“As pre-teens, many of us spent hours each day on social media platforms. Platforms designed to make us self-conscious: about how we look, how we present, what parts of ourselves we want to display. We inspected every inch of our face with filters and editing apps. We scrutinised how we stand and speak in every Instagram picture and Snapchat Story. We examined every word of our tweets and status updates. With instant feedback on every part of ourselves, we learnt to perform and manage it all perfectly. We learnt to love our little worlds of control. Here we can rehearse every flirty DM before we send it. We can check every email with ChatGPT. We can get the angles and lighting perfect before we show our faces to the world. In contrast, when it comes to real life, with its awkward conversations, its messy relationships, it’s live. It’s real. It’s terrifying. We would rather miss out.”  –Freya India

 Sign. How did this happen.

As Jonathan Haidt said, “We note that the first generation to move its social life onto social media platforms immediately became the loneliest generation on record.” https://www.afterbabel.com/p/the-upstream-cause-of-the-youth-mental

Here’s another redefinition of FOMO: “For Gen Z, FOMO isn’t a harm of social media; it’s a motivation to use it. It’s what traps young people on TikTok and Instagram. They fear being left out of social media itself.” (Freya India)

The social media billionnaires have won and stolen our children. While we adult influencers watched.

I am encouraged that this trend is changing. Parents are seeing this cost in their children and making stricter choices for their children. Schools are banning phones in classrooms, and sometimes buildings. Churches are becoming a places where you are told to leave your phones behind. I believe in three years we will re-read this article and be shocked at what we’ve done to our young people.

I’ll leave you with this uncomfortable thought:

“When have we ever had a generation so comfortable with online attention yet so deeply uncomfortable with real-life interaction? When have young people been so crippled by social anxiety yet comfortable telling millions of strangers online about it? Young people who can post selfies for the world to see but can’t bear making eye contact? Who find it entirely normal to broadcast their faces and feelings and private lives online, but feel their hearts pound when someone says hi to them on the street? Who say they feel intensely lonely yet hide from human connection?

“We have to take this seriously. There are young people whose natural human instincts—instincts typically on overdrive for adolescents, like the drives to explore, to connect, to take risks, to be independent—have been numbed. Teenagers who would once stay up all night chatting on the phone have become teenagers terrified to hear the sound of a ringtone. Teenagers desperate to sneak out with their friends have become teenagers dreading plans with each other. Teenagers begging their parents to let friends stay over have become teenagers using an AI Excuse Generator to cancel plans guilt-free. This is not normal teenage angst. This is a generational tragedy. When we have this many young people scared of social interaction, diagnosed with anxiety disorders, dreading hearing another human voice on the phone, I think that calling for drastic change is the only humane thing to do. This is not a groundless moral panic. –Freya India   

 Adults, we need to give our tweens and teens a slightly braver world with risks worth taking. Like ordering off of a menu. Like talking to that elderly saint to attends your church over a coffee.

Please read the whole article, What Happened to FOMO?

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

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I Hate Institutions! (Do I Really?)

In this broken world where we trust so little, we definitely don’t trust institutions. Specifically the media, social media, the government, and the Church.

Each of those distrusted institutions have suffered because as culture has shifted, they have gone into self-preservation mode, which has led them to be off-mission and desperate. In the example of the media, we used to have credible journalism; now we have click-bait. We people are simply being used by the institutions that were originally designed to help us. (Do you feel that way about your church?)

institutions have also been the foundations of injustice and the enablers of organized abuses of power.

We can easily bash institutions. They are faceless. They are worth the bashing. We feel power to be able to bash something in a world that feels powerless. When we are anxious, it feels good to blame something.

But we still need institutions. Trust me as I reveal this to you.

This failure of institutions and our lack of trust in institutions is at the root of our individual lostness in our lives.Institutions give you an identity.

Institutions allow us to act together by giving us a role. You are a student, teacher, principal, an engineer, a developer, a barista, a member.

Institutions give us people to tell us who we are going to be. These beloved people give you the practices you need to become who you want to be. They provide the anchors you need as you grow. There are virtues and ethics to learn, which they willingly teach you. You are given a place.

When institutions break down, we lose our source of trust. (Have you noticed your increase of trust issues?) This is because we have lost our identity. Who am I when I’m no longer a student? Who am I when neither political party represents me? Who am I now that I’m not a member of this church? More to the gut, who will tell me who I am now that these authorities are not in my life?

This causes anxiety. A simple definition of anxiety is approaching the future with fear. A loss of structure, role, and place affects your future. Who do I trust?

There is more. When we no longer trust an institution, we lose our sense of what our responsibility is because we don’t know what our role is. Culture becomes a collapse of responsibility. I’ll take care of me. You do you.

And here we are.

We find our relationships in institutions.

We interact with people through institutions such as school, company, church, family, marriage. This is where we find our friendships, maybe your love for a lifetime.

We are in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Coincidence?

There is a crisis of how to find friends but we find friends in institutions. So we do have need of institutions.

Institutions help us organize our relationships with other people.

Relationships with other people are often a cause of our trust issues. As we also need and desire relationships with other people.

Institutions help us organize our internal life, our thinking. This is in part because institutions help us slow things down. They establish forms and orders for decision-making. They model patience by giving us reasons to believe persistence will pay off. They can force us to obey rules we would rather ignore.

Institutions ask you to follow procedure, to make a budget, to hear out other opinions. They help us avoid the scourge of short-termism. Short-termism is a function of unstructured thinking, which leaves us adrift in the moment and unable to see beyond it.

And here we are.

Institutions are anxiety managing devices.

As an individual on your own how do you manage? Institutions outsource the worry. Someone else has the responsibility to deal with that.

Who turns on the electricity?

Is there a terrorist plot brewing in our country? Who is responsible because I can’t be.

Are the bees dying and who is responsible to prevent this from happening more?

(Do you see how we need institutions?)

Also when institutions fail they cause anxiety. This is happening often these days. Institutions then fail to provide a role. They fail to provide authority. They fail to organize how we think about our place in the future.

We have an epidemic of anxiety while at the same time we don’t trust institutions. Coincidence?

We want total independence but we really need dependence.

When institutions become too strong, we seek independence.

This is a natural progression. In the desperation for institutions to survive the cultural changes, we want to be free of their power over us. They have become users of those who they have given identity too. This is betrayal as we cling to our identity they have given us. This is so painful to our souls.

So we seek independence. Less vulnerability. I’ll take care of me. You do you.

When really to be seen by a person and have trusting relationships with persons can heal our souls.

Institutions are the hope for the oppressed.

I will let this quote from Yuval Levin convince you of this. Everything in this article has been influenced by Yuval Levin’s book, A Time to Build.

“It’s true that institutions can reinforce the rule of the strong and privileged in our society; but it is also true that without functional institutions the weak have no hope of vindicating their rights. Our institutions have sometimes embodies oppression, but they sometimes embody our highest ideals. To defend institutions is not to defend the status quo, or the strong, or the privileged. Functional institutions are most important for people who don’t have power or privilege. And though our institutions can become cold and bureaucratic, they are essential to our acting on our warmest sentiments; without them we grow isolated, alienated, and disillusioned.” –Yuval Levin, A Time to Build, pp. 166-167

Have I helped you bravely rethink the purpose of institutions? To maybe stop the bashing. And to make the brave decision to maybe trust an institution again?

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Humble and Confident (This is Like Jesus)

Let’s start off with a giggle at yourself. This is a quote from a Christianity Today article about humility:

“We all know we shouldn’t text as we drive. Or more precisely, we all know other people shouldn’t text as they drive. As for me, I’m exceptionally cautious, just sending off a few words to keep life moving. Plus, my texts aren’t a real problem since I’m an excellent driver.

“It turns out that 93 percent of us in the United States believe we are above-average drivers—a conclusion that defies the very notion of what average means. Likewise, most of us perceive ourselves to be above average in intelligence, friendship, marriage, parenting, leadership, social skills, work ethic, and managing money. As a college professor, I might guess myself to be immune from this sort of normative overestimation, and that guess would be wrong. Almost 9 out of 10 college professors believe themselves to be above-average teachers.

“We live in a Keilloresque Wobegon world where “all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.” To admit being average at anything—or worse yet, to call someone else average—seems shocking these days. But while it may come as no surprise to Christians commanded to “be completely humble” (Eph. 4:2), it turns out that humility is really good for us. It just took the science a while to prove it.”

Maybe we are not as great as we think we are. (This is okay for the good of you and the world. See below.)

One of the scientifically-proven qualities of humility is humble people have a reasonably accurate view of themselves, neither too high nor too low. Having self-awareness allows us to actively craft our life rather than passively react to the world around us.

This sounds like a way to make brave decisions.

Humility is actually pretty hard to understand what it really is. It doesn’t help that humility is a virtue we don’t see too much in our culture or in the headlines. I want to live humbly but in my desire to live humbly am I also being proud?

Pride actually isn’t the opposite of humility. Humility requires a healthy sense of self that springs from security and enoughness. The opposite of humility is arrogance or conceit or hubris. It is a superior view on oneself in which others are viewed as inferior and entitlement reigns supreme. (Because only you are an excellent driver.)

Science has revealed that true, authentic humility is a secure openness to the world, where we can be honest with ourselves and others about our strength and limitations, seeking to learn new perspectives and caring deeply about those around us. It is approaching the world around us with a sense of enoughness.

Humility involves accurate self-awareness, making generous assumptions about others, being teachable, and having confidence.

The confidence of knowing that you are a person of inherent worth and value frees you up from the relentless and futile pursuit of external validation that drives so much arrogant and narcissistic behavior.

Humility is not an indication of weakness but a marker of strength. 

Humility actually requires confidence. We are back to our tendency to overestimate our abilities and behaviors. In order to see yourselves how you really are, you have to be humble. To be humble like this, you have to have confidence.

People without humility are usually not confident. You find them spewing stuff they want to believe and stuff they want you to believe, overselling themselves hoping you will give them some sort of affirmation so they may actually believe what they are saying. (People who aren’t humble suck the life out of conversations.)

You can’t be humble without self-awareness which comes from confidence. You need to recognize who you are and who you paying attention to.

I love this Bryan Stevenson quote about his brave work at Equal Justice Initiative: 

“Knowing that I can be wrong, make mistakes, or miss things is important to maintaining humility about what I do. I work with a lot of people who suffer terrible injustice. People who have been wrongly convicted of crimes, people facing extreme punishment, people coping with violence and abuse, people who are impoverished and struggling with food insecurity or basic deprivations. The people I serve make me appreciate that I can’t overestimate my capacity to solve problems, which is humbling.” https://brenebrown.com/articles/2024/...

Humble people care about people in newer and deeper ways, with generous assumptions, and ways that actually help. Humble people find genuine joy in the success of others. Humble people also find themselves entering into the pain and sorrow of others. To be Jesus-centered is to center others, to see Jesus in the face of everyone you meet. Black theology has long asserted that Jesus is black because of his identification as marginalized and oppressed. Jesus is not a power-over kind of savior. He is power-under. Jesus always made space for others.

Back to the Christianity Today article:

“Humility research was stymied for a time because of the challenges with having people self-report how humble they are. But several research labs have discovered better ways to assess humility, typically involving a combination of self-reporting and reports from knowledgeable peers and family members. Researchers have developed scales to measure intellectual humility, relational humility, and cultural humility. Some are working on spiritual humility as well.

“As with forgiveness and gratitude (other positive psychology research projects with great success), humility fosters physical, mental, and relational health. Humble people are more grateful and forgiving, so they enjoy the benefits of those virtues. They are also more generous and helpful than others, have better romantic relationships, have less anxiety about death, and experience less spiritual struggle. They perform better at school and work, show more compassion to others, and even have better self-esteem than less humble people.”

Let me list why humility is scientifically proven to be good for you and for the world:

Physical, mental and relational health
More grateful
More forgiving
More generous
More helpful
Better romantic relationships
Less anxiety about death
Less spiritual struggle
Perform better at school and work
Show more compassion
Better self esteem

More science:  People who regularly experience awe are rated more humbler by others, and awe leads people to behave more humbly.

From a scientist:  When thinking like a scientist, “You favor humility over pride and curiosity over conviction. You look for reasons why you might be wrong, not just reasons why you must be right.” –Adam Grant, https://scienceforthechurch.org/2021/...

Humble people also laugh a lot.

So more humility all around please. Especially with these news headlines. 

 

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This New “Religion” is Empty (And Making Us Worse?)

There are three stabilizing institutions in society: the family, the church, and the state. The first two are struggling. In their struggles, the third has grown. Welcome to our polarized and anxious society. And we are not getting better as a culture. Gen Zers fear they are growing worse.

Back in 2019, when we knew life before a pandemic, I wrote and travelled teaching about this thought of our new Religion of Enoughness. This is what was replacing church attendance. Family was one of the new religions. People were receptive to this message because our souls were so exhausted.

Our very DNA wants us to have a religion. This is something innate inside of us. So while we bash the religion word, our body is doing whatever our body does to keep us in religion. This new religion is very popular and exhausting us—as every religion of works is.

While the pandemic has changed us (even those of you who want to forget it ever happened), so little has changed.

This influencer writer whom I can’t stop quoting wrote this:

“These days it seems like everything is described as a new religion. Social justice is a new religion. So is climate activism. Trumpism, too. I saw a funny tweet recently about how girlboss feminism has now reinvented the Sabbath, with the shocking news that we might benefit from “one lazy day” a week. Even AI seems to be replacing religion, from giving spiritual guidance to reinventing arranged marriages.

“I think this point can be a bit laboured sometimes—but religious faith has collapsed, and many trends and movements have moved in to fill the void. The one that most resembles a religion to me, though, is rise of therapy culture. I think it’s an exaggeration to say all of Gen Z are following the cult of social justice or climate activism—but I really don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that a significant majority of young people now interpret their lives and emotions and relationships through a therapeutic lens.

“…We refract our relationships through therapy-speak. We define ourselves by our diagnoses. And we mimic religion, all the time. We don’t pray at night; we repeat positive affirmations. We don’t confess; we trauma dump. We don’t seek salvation; we go on healing journeys. We don’t resist temptation from the devil; we reframe intrusive thoughts. We don’t exorcise evil spirits; we release trauma. And of course we don’t talk to God, c’mon—we give a ‘specific request to the universe’ that ‘has a greater plan’ for us.” –Freya India, https://www.freyaindia.co.uk/p/our-new-religion-isnt-enough

So little has changed. Our brain needs us to have a religion to order our worlds and so many are still fighting against the possibility of Jesus, a Savior who isn’t you. We are choosing to be our own savior.All of these dupes of religious behavior seem like wise and aware things to do but it is no surprise that us as our own savior is not enough.

“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with these things. I’m not against therapy (unless it’s an app; unless it’s obsessive texting). Meditation isn’t a problem. And of course there’s nothing wrong with getting help if you’re struggling, and becoming a better partner or parent for it. But my worry is with this tendency to obsess over our mental health, to orient ourselves with wellness and self-actualisation as our highest aim—even at the expense of others. My worry with this new faith is that it wrenches aspects of religion from the inconvenient parts; the parts we need most.

“Because where is God, in all this? Who is God? Some say therapy culture has no God. I think, more accurately, it’s us. God is who all this revolves around. All these apps and platforms serve us. AI chatbots are “all about you and your mental health journey”! Our online therapist is here to serve our every need, whenever we have one, any time of day. We are the divine; we are the deity. We have become the omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent beings in our lives. There’s a reason, I think, that one of the most popular therapeutic phrases at the moment is is this serving me?” –Freya India, https://www.freyaindia.co.uk/p/our-ne...

Freya’s good rant here goes deep into this religion of me. This Religion of Enoughness—that is producing the most anxious generation.

We used to meet pharisees one day a week in church. Church has been opted out of many of our lives now. In its place we have a pharisee living inside our head. This is the one who is justifying—or self-justifying—everything about our existence. This is an inner accountant who takes extensive notes on our failures. This pharisee is speaking every hour. Even in our sleep.

This pharisee also loves shame. Every hour.

This new religion is empty.

“It’s hard to put this into words but I think, in some ways, what we actually want is to be humbled. People say Gen Z follow these new faiths because we crave belonging and connection, but what if we also crave commandments? What if we are desperate to be delivered from something? To be at the mercy of something?” –Freya India, https://www.freyaindia.co.uk/p/our-ne...

What if this answer is a savior who isn’t you? The Savior who is Jesus. The one who’s commandments we may actually crave. The one who can deliver us from something, like the sin that entraps us. The one who gives us mercy.

That is a dependent statement. I hate being dependent. But I’m so tired. I’m so tired of trying to be enough.

May your exhaustion of the pharisee of enoughness make you curious to consider Jesus. 

Faith in a savior who isn’t me invites me into a much larger story. A story that actually awakens my soul. This awakening feeling is so opposite of the feeling of being so tired from trying to be enough. My awakened soul sings that this is who I have always been.

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Order Trust Issues With God Bible Study with video access.

We all have trust issues. Life has hurt us. For those of us brave enough to admit it, we have trust issues with God. We expect God to fail us so we keep our faith in safe places. What does it look like to trust God in the midst of nothing being trustworthy? This is a Bible study for those trying to trust God at a starting point of 51%. This study is a 4-week workbook with a 4-week video teaching. Enjoy the honesty and the wisdom.

Order Trust Issues With God HERE

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The Brave Decision to Vacation in Ukraine

Written by Jake Stewart

Much like how most Americans remember September 11, 2001, I remember exactly where I was on February 24, 2022. I was sitting in my darkened apartment, my eyes glued to my laptop, tears rolling down my cheeks as the headline that I had been fearing for days practically screamed in my face: RUSSIA INVADES UKRAINE.

If you are puzzled as to why this could provoke such a strong reaction in a non-Ukrainian like myself, you are forgiven. To most Americans, Ukraine is nothing more than just another far-off country that they would probably struggle to locate on a map. To me, however, it is a country that has long occupied a special place in my heart. For nearly two decades, Ukraine’s history, culture, and relentless drive to become part of the Western world has held my deep respect and admiration.

As I sat there watching a livestream of Kyiv being rocked by explosions, I asked myself a simple question: “What can I do about this?”

Sadly, my initial answer was, “Probably nothing.” I was in no position to join the International Legion of Ukraine, contribute to the sanctions against Russia, or host any Ukrainian refugees in my tiny apartment.

As infuriating as it was, I knew I had to content myself with being a mere “keyboard warrior,” doing my own miniscule part to pray for Ukraine, draw the world’s attention to Russia’s crimes, and let any Ukrainians who were listening know that their struggle was not going unnoticed. This unexpectedly led to new friendships with individual Ukrainians through social media, as well as with other Americans who shared my zeal for Ukraine’s cause. But I was not satisfied. I wanted to do more.

In the two years since that poignant moment in February 2022, I never stopped asking myself the question, “What can I do about this?”

As Russia’s invasion unexpectedly faltered and Ukraine continued to shock the world on the battlefield, my answer began to change from a fatalistic “nothing” to an imaginative “what if?”

Now, fast-forward to May 4, 2024, when I found myself disembarking a train at the Kyiv-Pasazhyrskyi railway station. Ukraine’s cities are still buffeted by daily air raids, their front lines are relentlessly pummeled by artillery, and their citizens are forced to take up arms against an enemy that is just as brazen as ever. Yet, there I was, in the heart of their capital city.

How on earth did I get here? Why would I willingly leave my comfortable, relatively safe life in the United States, and spend nearly three weeks in a place where I knew I could end up in the crosshairs of a missile?

Because I decided to be brave.

I spent over a month crowdfunding a variety of medical supplies that I knew could be used by the Ukrainian military. I cultivated the social media friendships I had made with Ukrainians who lived in Kyiv, Irpin, and Dnipro. I researched the safest routes in and out of Ukraine. Finally, I gathered the financial resources I needed to make this journey a reality—and put my fate in the hands of God.

It was not an easy trip. Since the airspace over Ukraine is still closed, I spent days “hopscotching” from Minneapolis, to Amsterdam, to Warsaw, and finally, taking an 18-hour train ride to Kyiv.

I passed through military checkpoints that I thought only existed in movies. I experienced the wail of air raid sirens that never seemed to completely cease. I spent three hours in a bomb shelter in the middle of the night as missiles battered the country’s energy infrastructure. I experienced rolling electricity blackouts resulting from those same attacks and unseasonably cold weather. And I endured the heart-wrenching moment when one of my friends, Volodymyr, was unexpectedly mobilized without even a chance to say goodbye to me in person.

And yet, it was also the most meaningful trip of my relatively young life so far. I was finally able to meet dear friends who I had only been able to speak to online. I visited the office of The Kyiv Independent, an English-language online newspaper that I have financially supported. I saw many of Kyiv’s most prominent landmarks and historical sites. I visited some heartbreaking—yet inspiring—sites in the Kyiv region that told the stories of countless heroic Ukrainians who defended their homeland. I had awkward encounters with the English-Ukrainian language barrier that nonetheless ended in mutual respect. I had my first taste of authentic Ukrainian cuisine in the presence of one of my friends. Most importantly, I delivered several dozens of medical supplies—tourniquets, bullet wound sealers, bandages, blood-clotting gauze, among other items—to a trusted contact who works with the Ukrainian military.

Everyone who knows me knows that I love to travel. I’ve been to many famous tourist destinations in my own country, as well as some of those of western Europe. However, for all the fun and relaxation that fancy hotels and peaceful beaches can bring, this trip eclipses all of them.

I have long believed that cultural tourism is much more enriching than an expensive tourist attraction, and in my opinion, this trip proved me correct. By cultivating friendships and delivering medical supplies to soldiers in need, I not only added another visited country to my list, but I made a tangible difference in someone’s life.

In the TV show “Mork & Mindy,” the late actor Robin Williams uttered his famous line:

“I don’t know how much value I have in this universe, but I do know that I’ve made a few people happier than they would have been without me; and as long as I know that, I’m as rich as I ever need to be.”

That is the prevailing feeling that this trip has left me with. I know that my small contribution by itself will probably not materially affect the course of this war. But if one man’s brave decision can make a difference in the life of someone facing a dangerous and tragic situation, I would gladly do it all over again—missiles and bombs, be damned!

To read more from Jake and learn more about this brave soul:

The Story of 1,000 Brave Decisions (More or Less)

I Used to See God as a Toymaker

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Noticing Gen Z and the Tweens of Gen Alpha, Part 4

They are not like previous generations.

This generation is different. Says someone who has been there with teens since the 1980s. I as a youth pastor have worked with teens in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s, and now the 2020s. (Read about these different decades here.) So I say confidently that this Gen Z and the new tweens of Gen Alpha are very different. This Information Age and the smart devices have changed adolescence. This is a good and bad thing. Join me in this series at the odd wonder of what is going on. Your heart will break and you will find inspiration.  I believe in teens.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

I have long said I never want to do another lock-in again. I’m much older now. Plus nothing good happens after midnight. That is mostly true for lock-ins. The day-after a lock-in comes at a great cost to parents. Grumpy teens are returned to them and I’m a big supporter of parents of teens.

While the nostalgia may be there for a ‘90s-style lock-in, I wonder if today’s teens would give up the sleep one requires. Gen Zers are getting more sleep than any other generation, with an average of 9 hours and 12 minutes per night. Source. The science of what good sleep can do for you overall is sinking in. I bet they learned about that science on TikTok videos.

Would they attend a lock-in on a Friday night? Probably not. Friday nights have become an okay night to stay home. Because the end of the week simply brings exhaustion. Because of budgeting decisions, and this generation is all about budgeting. Because socializing can happen still at home. Because FOMO isn’t strong enough to sacrifice money or sleep. This is one reason why we meet as a church on Friday nights. The slowness of church is a good way for the soul to end the week. (A lock-in is anything but slow.)

Whoever thought that staying home on a Friday night or going to church on a Friday night would be in the realm of possibility? This generation is different and I’m okay with that.

They are the first generation who defines themselves by their personal achievements (43%) and and hobbies and pastimes (42%). Source. Previous generations chose family or religion as top identifiers. One is something you are born into and one is something you achieve. This generation is trying to achieve their identity. I am a lot worried about this.

Parents, you really matter. You always have, says the youth pastor from all of the decades. The Barna Group study also found this: “A sizable majority of Gen Z says their parents or another family member is their role model. But why? On an open-ended question, top answers say that the role model is hard-working and responsible, that he or she provides for their family, that they have a good career, that they have an education, that they are successful and that he or she is independent. To be clear: Six out of the top 10 reasons teens look up to their role model are related to career or financial success.” Source. (There is is that achieving their identity again.)

One way teens and young adults are trying to level the field on achievement is self-diagnosing a psychiatric need so they don’t have to live up to the expectations. Something else they’ve learned on TikTok. Read more about this. It’s okay to have Tourette’s Syndrome?

A diagnosis gives you a community to belong to, though not a binding community. A diagnosis gives you belongingness too.

What is a binding community? A church is a good example of one. Jonathan Haidt can’t stop shouting from his mountaintop that the one institution that can help today’s teens is a church that has expectations for teens. This is a binding community. Some may call this type of church judgey. From the social scientist mind of Jonathan Haidt this institution provides the best place to help teen’s navigate this complicated world they were born into. Haidt is not a Christian, he claims to be an atheist. He sure believes in the Church though.

Parents, the arguments you have with your teen because you believe in the rhythm of boring church is worth it.

Teens are more curious about Jesus. So many don’t have the baggage of a hand-me down faith because they haven’t been raised in the church. The social obligation to go to church was so 1990s. So many parents in the 2000s and 2010s chose their child’s achievements over a rhythm of church. (I was there.)

The question then becomes, how will today’s teens theologically define their own search for their own faith?

Will it be biblical or part of a smorgasbord of beliefs? Part Jesus and part horoscopes. Part Jesus and part manifestation. Part Jesus and part universalism. This concerns this pastor’s heart a lot.

Read about this religion professor’s study from 2008 on his findings that college freshmen were choosing a religion with few demands morally or intellectually but still wanted to be called Christian. This is from 2008. There might be a reason that the book from Christian mystic John Mark Comer, Practicing the Way, is #1 in 2024. The high call of the Way of Jesus is laid out loud and clear.

Maybe this curiosity in Jesus is in response to today’s teens realizing that they are growing worse.

From Freya India again, “Here’s a post about Palestine where I’m posing! I’m standing up for conservative values—with a hot selfie of me at a protest! People on all sides pretend their platforms are about political causes and activism when really they just provide perfect opportunities to constantly talk about themselves. And to be rewarded for doing nothing! Now you can be showered with praise for that heartfelt tweet you typed about your mum on Mother’s Day when you didn’t bother to call her or write her a card. You can be applauded by strangers for that Instagram post about how much you love the daughter you don’t spend any time with and never really listen to. And even if we mean it, I think sharing these things shreds them of sincerity. Now we feel a flicker of integrity and immediately publicise and monetise it until it’s dead. We enjoy validation from the fakest displays of virtue and then at the same time revel in the downfall of others; reserve so little faith and forgiveness for anyone else.

“And actually, paradoxically, I think all this is a major part of the mental health crisis. This feeling that we are all becoming worse. Our loss of empathy, our lack of regard for others, our neurotic obsession with our own image—it’s taking a toll.” https://www.freyaindia.co.uk/p/whats-become-of-us (Read the entire alarming and insightful article.) (Bold is my addition, I’m alarmed.)

Once again, the teens’ souls are feeling the toll. This has been a through line throughout this series. Hence the curiosity about Jesus and the hope that Jesus is someone to aspire to.

I believe whole of Ecclesiastes is the word to this generation, beginning with v. 2:

“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”

Ecclesiastes 1:2

Yet the antiquity and history of the way of Jesus—as well as the Way of Jesus–speaks into this meaninglessness. We are claimed and spoken for. We belong somewhere and to someone. We are people of a place. We are people of a person, not a notion or algorithm or belief system or philosophy but the person of Jesus Christ. This has placement and is not fluid.

This is what I believe and what I teach still. I’ve got no plans to retire yet. A revival is coming.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

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