Brenda Seefeldt Amodea's Blog, page 20

Meme Truth to Share to Encourage You to Make Those brave Decisions to Change Your Path

There is the life we want to live. Then there are the short cuts and justifications we make because we don’t want to feel the pain to get to the life we want to live.

The brave life comes from brave decision to brave decision to brave decision. It is one after another after another. Eventually it does become easier to make those brave–and right–decisions. It becomes easier to choose hope and the struggle that comes with that over the easy choice to numb the pain. Or to live in those excuses one more day.

Faithfulness is not a onetime act, not a decision or a destination, not something to eventually be attained. Faithfulness is what we repeatedly do. It is a habit formed of long, hard obedience in the quiet.

Faithfulness can be a word that describes you.

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God is a Speaking God, a God Who Shows Up and Answers Yes

The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born. 

Psalm 33:6

Howbeautiful. I wish I could see God that clearly in my life as I see the starsevery night.

As I do see God in the stars. I feel that awesomeness when I stop my frenzied brain and deeply look. That awesomeness feeling creeps over me and I remember that God speaks and also shows up on my behalf.

When was thelast time you let that awesomeness creep over you? I use that word “creep” onpurpose because that feeling does slowly fill you with overwhelming awesomenesswhen you do stop the frenzy.

I am worth more than a star to God. I am personally created and spoken to.

It is in myfrenziedness when God becomes more invisible.

As C. S.Lewis noted, “We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God. Theworld is crowded with him. He walks everywhere incognito.”

Abraham of the Old Testament often had conversations with God under the stars. One of those conversations is a crazy story. A story where God shows up, Abraham keeps asking and asking and asking, and God keeps saying yes. It is found in Genesis 18:16-33.

16 Then the men got up from their meal and looked out toward Sodom. As they left, Abraham went with them to send them on their way. 17 “Should I hide my plan from Abraham?” the Lord asked. 18 “For Abraham will certainly become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed through him. 19 I have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. Then I will do for Abraham all that I have promised.”

20 So the Lord told Abraham, “I have heard a great outcry from Sodom and Gomorrah, because their sin is so flagrant. 21 I am going down to see if their actions are as wicked as I have heard. If not, I want to know.” 22 The other men turned and headed toward Sodom, but the Lord remained with Abraham.

First of all, how did the Lord remain with Abraham? Is Abraham also sitting under the stars on an Israeli hillside and recognizing the presence of God? Or is God face-to-face with Abraham? Moses asked to be face-to-face with God and only got his backside. (Exodus 33:18-23). Maybe this was the stars, an unfrenzied moment, speaking to Abraham? I know for me I have had times when God has felt that attentive.

23 Abraham approached him and said, “Will you sweep away both the righteous and the wicked? 24 Suppose you find fifty righteous people living there in the city—will you still sweep it away and not spare it for their sakes? 25 Surely you wouldn’t do such a thing, destroying the righteous along with the wicked. Why, you would be treating the righteous and the wicked exactly the same! Surely you wouldn’t do that! Should not the Judge of all the earth do what is right?” 26 And the Lord replied, “If I find fifty righteous people in Sodom, I will spare the entire city for their sake.”

Abraham knew this speaking God so well that he started bargaining with God. Abraham is bargaining with the “I am” for 50 souls. And God says yes.

27 Then Abraham spoke again. “Since I have begun, let me speak further to my Lord, even though I am but dust and ashes. 28 Suppose there are only forty-five righteous people rather than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five?” And the Lord said, “I will not destroy it if I find forty-five righteous people there.”

So Abrahampressed further. Maybe only 45 souls? And God said yes.

vv. 29-31 has Abraham bargaining with God from 45 souls to 40 souls to 30 souls to 20 souls. And God said yes every time.

32 Finally, Abraham said, “Lord, please don’t be angry with me if I speak one more time. Suppose only ten are found there?” And the Lord replied, “Then I will not destroy it for the sake of the ten.” 33 When the Lord had finished his conversation with Abraham, he went on his way, and Abraham returned to his tent.

Abrahambargained with God down to 10 souls!!!! Who would dare?!

Well, someone who had already trusted God to leave his family, his business, his heritage, his land, his people to follow God to a new land full of promise. (Genesis 12:1-3). Didn’t that promise happen under the stars also? Abraham already believed God was a speaking God, a God who shows up. Further ahead in the Abraham story there is an even more difficult story of God asking Abraham to sacrifice his promise son, Isaac. (Genesis 22). You can understand why Abraham said yes. Abraham had this long consistency of God speaking to him and God showing up.

Abraham isan inspiration for you and me.

In thiscrazy Genesis 18 story did you notice that God always answered “yes?”

ThisInvisible God always answers “yes” to you too.

Yes it is true that 30 years ago I desperately pleaded with God to allow me to marry someone else. God was so invisible in those heartbroken days. Yet God’s yes came in this odd package of John Amodea. I am so grateful.

I have stories and stories like that because I’m not afraid to wrestle with God for everything. With my hindsight wisdom I am so glad that sometimes God’s yes to me was a no, just you wait for what is better. With my hindsight wisdom, I still don’t understand why some of my heart’s desires still have not come to be.

I amlearning that God always answers yes.

God is a speaking God, a God who shows up. As I say every week at my church, there is this big God who is for you. A wild God. A God who is beyond our words of description. A God who cannot be figured out so easily yet who is consistently FOR you.

I meet thisGod under the stars. I meet this God in the conversations with my church people—withfascinating facets! I meet this God in my personal worship. I meet this God inthe daily drudge. Yes, even in the daily drudge I catch glimpses. I hear God’svoice directing me. Probably because I’ve seen God say yes to me so many timesfor over 40 years.

Photo by Vincentiu Solomon on Unsplash.

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The Magic Words of “Tell Me More”

I was sitting side-by-side with my 12-year old grandson bythe pool in chaise lounges talking, looking at the stars and Mars and eatingpeanut M&Ms.

I said how special this was trying to create a moment out of it. I wanted this to be something he will remember as his nearly 6-foot self continues to grow and becomes a teen. (He has since passed that 6-foot marker already and he’s months away from 13. I love this age!)

He tells me in that moment I should write about this.

These are the moments. Even he recognized that it wasspecial. Which my prayer is he will remember whenever he feels unloved.Whenever he feels abandoned. Whenever he feels confused.

Maybe he will look up at Mars and remember that his Omaloves him and that his Oma talks about Jesus all the time.

All because I said the magic words, “tell me more.”

These words mean, “I hear you.”

“What you tell me matters to me.”

“I care to hear about your experiences. Your thoughts too.”

“I’m not here to just lecture you or to talk over you.”

“You do have something interesting to say.”

“You are capable of having full thoughts and insights and I want to hear them.”

All because I stopped my life, put my phone away, turned my attention, and said “tell me more.”

And I made a previous agreement with myself to breathe deeply before I reply to anything. To not react. To trust the Holy Spirit in those moments. To not let fear hijack the moment.

I made an agreement with myself to say once again, “tell me more.”

I have practiced my “I’m not surprised face.” This one takespractice because fear wants to leak out onto my face.

I made an agreement that in such vulnerable (and fearfully beautiful moments) that I don’t want to shame. I don’t want to hear coming out of my mouth, “what, you didn’t know better?” Or judgement such as “I taught you differently.” I made an agreement with myself to respond with compassion, not judgement.

I made an agreement with myself that this may be a teachable moment full of Bible insight but I won’t share the Bible truth until my child knows I empathize first. This may or may not be the opportunity to “beat my child with the Bible” which I never would do but it has been interpreted that way.

I made an agreement with myself to not downplay the crisisas unimportant. I practice to not show my “whew, this is all it is” face.Because to my beloved this is very important.

I made an agreement with myself to ask the questions thatkeep my child (or grandchild) telling the story. Not using this as an opportunityto talk about myself or “When I was your age…”

I made an agreement with myself to not judge the friends I’mhearing about but show love and compassion. I will also ask if I can pray forthese friends and these vulnerable situations.

I will say once again, “tell me more.”

Because maybe in that delay or maybe in continuing to let mychild (or grandchild) speak, he may figure out the solution by himself. What amoment of pride that will be for your beloved! And for you too. What amemorable moment of learning! What a necessary step of adolescentdevelopment–while under your influence.

Maybe without your disruption, you may get enough information so that you can truly offer brilliant help. This is a lot of influence, which you would not have had if you didn’t keep asking “tell me more.”

I repeat this often at Bravester. Beauty comes when your decisions of bravery define you. Here are your moments. With or without peanut M&Ms.

Read also: The 6-Word Mantra to Help in Any Crisis of Fear and Regret

The post The Magic Words of “Tell Me More” appeared first on Bravester.

The Magic Words of “Tell Me more”

I was sitting side-by-side with my 12-year old grandson bythe pool in chaise lounges talking, looking at the stars and Mars and eatingpeanut M&Ms.

I said how special this was trying to create a moment out of it. I wanted this to be something he will remember as his nearly 6-foot self continues to grow and becomes a teen. (He has since passed that 6-foot marker already and he’s months away from 13. I love this age!)

He tells me in that moment I should write about this.

These are the moments. Even he recognized that it wasspecial. Which my prayer is he will remember whenever he feels unloved.Whenever he feels abandoned. Whenever he feels confused.

Maybe he will look up at Mars and remember that his Omaloves him and that his Oma talks about Jesus all the time.

All because I said the magic words, “tell me more.”

These words mean, “I hear you.”

“What you tell me matters to me.”

“I care to hear about your experiences. Your thoughts too.”

“I’m not here to just lecture you or to talk over you.”

“You do have something interesting to say.”

“You are capable of having full thoughts and insights and I want to hear them.”

All because I stopped my life, put my phone away, turned my attention, and said “tell me more.”

And I made a previous agreement with myself to breathe deeply before I reply to anything. To not react. To trust the Holy Spirit in those moments. To not let fear hijack the moment.

I made an agreement with myself to say once again, “tell me more.”

I have practiced my “I’m not surprised face.” This one takespractice because fear wants to leak out onto my face.

I made an agreement that in such vulnerable (and fearfully beautiful moments) that I don’t want to shame. I don’t want to hear coming out of my mouth, “what, you didn’t know better?” Or judgement such as “I taught you differently.” I made an agreement with myself to respond with compassion, not judgement.

I made an agreement with myself that this may be a teachable moment full of Bible insight but I won’t share the Bible truth until my child knows I empathize first. This may or may not be the opportunity to “beat my child with the Bible” which I never would do but it has been interpreted that way.

I made an agreement with myself to not downplay the crisisas unimportant. I practice to not show my “whew, this is all it is” face.Because to my beloved this is very important.

I made an agreement with myself to ask the questions thatkeep my child (or grandchild) telling the story. Not using this as an opportunityto talk about myself or “When I was your age…”

I made an agreement with myself to not judge the friends I’mhearing about but show love and compassion. I will also ask if I can pray forthese friends and these vulnerable situations.

I will say once again, “tell me more.”

Because maybe in that delay or maybe in continuing to let mychild (or grandchild) speak, he may figure out the solution by himself. What amoment of pride that will be for your beloved! And for you too. What amemorable moment of learning! What a necessary step of adolescentdevelopment–while under your influence.

Maybe without your disruption, you may get enough information so that you can truly offer brilliant help. This is a lot of influence, which you would not have had if you didn’t keep asking “tell me more.”

I repeat this often at Bravester. Beauty comes when your decisions of bravery define you. Here are your moments. With or without peanut M&Ms.

Read also: The 6-Word Mantra to Help in Any Crisis of Fear and Regret

The post The Magic Words of “Tell Me more” appeared first on Bravester.

He’s Not The One. A List to Help You Discern.

He’s not your match. He’s not your love of a lifetime. He’sreally not even into you.

This list applies to men also. She’s not your match. She’snot your love of a lifetime. She’s really not even into you.

But you hang on. You believe. You contort yourself. You waste your time. You don’t listen to your team (if you have one, because you probably don’t).

How do I know? The people who love you know.

Get wise. Use your discerner. Your discerner is part-brain, part-instinct, part-Holy Spirit. Trust your people. Here’s that list to help you.

At your first impression, there was a red light but you still ignored it. You can’t ignore it now because that red light is still there. You are not able to justify it away.Chaos is interfering with chemistry. There is the magic of chemistry. This is very much a part of a love for a lifetime. But chemistry can only carry a relationship so far. Chemistry is not enough to justify the chaos. There were lies early in the relationship. But you ignored those “little lies” believing differently. You tried to justify them away. As you now wonder what is true and what continues to be a lie.Once is a mistake. Two or more times is a choice. Why are you justifying this red light (or maybe yellow light) as something else?He continues to make this choice, despite all of the heart-to-heart conversations you’ve had. You’ve given second chances (maybe 20 second chances). A second chance is not a repeat of the first chance. A second chance is a moving forward to something new. There must be something new and different in order to move forward rather than backward. If everything is the same after that 20th second chance, you are repeating what already has been and there is no reason to think the outcome will be different.He’s a wonderful guy but… His home is a continual wreck. He has financial struggles. He doesn’t have long-term relationships. He just can’t seem to get it together. The chaos of his life has taken over the peace of your life. If you have lowered your standards. If you have changed your boundaries. If you have changed your expectations. Meanwhile he has not raised his standards. He has not changed his boundaries. He has not changed his expectations. You need to stop lowering your standards to accommodate him who won’t raise his.If he’s making you question your calling, your goals, your dreams.If you haven’t met his friends.If you have an uneven presence on each other social media accounts.If you are mostly in a text-only relationship.   If he guards his phone.If he’s a breadcrumber. Breadcrumbing defined is when he drops just enough breadcrumbs to keep you interested without actually being in meaningful communication. Maybe you now see him as a breadcrumber.If he says he’s not your boyfriend but you are giving him boyfriend privileges.If he finds or creates drama, but is never to blame for it.If you are fraught with hesitation and doubt and anxiety. If he’s making you feel crazy. Has he called you crazy?If he’s gaslighting you.If he’s turning you into a private detective trying to figure out what he’s doing, feeling, and not feeling. How much time have you wasted wondering and justifying his behaviors? If you don’t feel safe in the relationship. If he doesn’t give you both love and joy. You can’t have one without the other. Yet you’ve been using love as an excuse for his bad behavior. Try saying this to yourself instead, “I have so much joy with him, even though he just lied to me again.” Do you see the clue?If your team, your people, dislike or mistrust him. If he doesn’t inconvenience himself for you. Is he even meeting you halfway?If you’ve sacrificed yourself, your peace, your mental health, your friends, your confidence, your happiness, your family, your faith, your dignity, your self-esteem, your well-being. If you have said, “he’s perfect for me because he makes up what I feel is lacking in myself.” Okay, maybe you don’t say those exact words but you have thought them. You are drawn to his “opposite-ness” of you hoping he will help you in that area you are lacking. Nope. You need to grow you. You are a whole person. He’s not your other half. If his lack of attention causes you to be overwhelmed in your own thoughts wondering if you are too fat? Too insecure? Too needy? Too dumb? Too independent? Too much? Then yes, you are too much for that too little man. (Stole that with full credit from Mandy Hale. See below.)

Just a bit more from Mandy Hale:  “Other people’s shortcomings are not your fault. What if it wasn’t that you weren’t ‘enough?’ What if it was that you were too much? Too amazing? Too successful? Too confident? Too bold? Too smart? Too witty? Too incredible? So much so that the other person bailed because of their own inadequacies and not yours? Sometimes you just have to let people go; recognize that they are not capable of rising up to your level and let them go… You are exactly as you should be. Not perfect…but wonderfully, beautifully perfect enough.” —Don’t Believe the Swipe, Pp. 176-177

If you are tired of paying his bills, tired of his excuses as to why he can’t pay his bills. If you are drawn to fixing him. If you took a codependency test and you are surprised that you are codependent. Too often people mistake the concept of codependence with oneness. But no. Codependence is the complete opposite. Codependence proclaims I’m desperate without you, whereas oneness affirms I’m better with you. Codependence is based on what you lack. Oneness is what you can give. If you fell in love because you are lonely. Loneliness lies to you, changes your brain, and causes you to distrust, so says the science. So you are trying to love this man but your brain is still stuck. No wonder things don’t feel like a match. If he says he never wants to be married, believe him.If he says he’s not enough for you, believe him. You don’t have the magic words to change this. If he says he’s not ready for a relationship, believe him. Don’t believe you can say something or do something to change this. You are not an option. You are worthy of being a match.If you are praying for a sign. Or if you asking every friend you have for advice. You keep asking every friend you have for advice because you aren’t liking the consistent advice you’ve been hearing.If you are fighting for this relationship but you are the only one who is fighting. Are you beginning to see that? If you are waiting to know if he loves you back. If you are waiting for him to “be ready.” If you are waiting for him to make his intentions and feelings clear. How long are you going to wait? Your flaws, inadequacies, imperfections, and anxieties are part of who you are, part of your growing self. But if these are used against you by him, run. He’s not helping you grow through them. He’s found his way to keep you small. Why would you love someone who wants you small?If he can’t see your magic. Some people are accustomed to mediocre so they run from magic. Let him run. Let him have his blah, boring, and beige.

You do need to work on any relationship for growth. It is brave decision to brave decision to brave decision. But you shouldn’t have to force the things to be the way you want. The work pulls you in a forward direction of growth. Forcing it is a battle not worth fighting.

Remember that a failed relationship does not define you. A failed date does not define you. He is just another story in your life, one that may be a funny story some day.

Do you now see, like we do, that this relationship is over? Stop trying to resurrect it. Stop arguing with God about why he’s “the one’ (he’s not.) Stop punishing yourself for what went wrong (a lot did go wrong, right?). Learn. Grow. Cry. Grieve. Appreciate your people who are with you. Give yourself time (as you’ve already wasted so much time). Time is a gift.

I read this sassy book from Mandy Hale. This is full of Brave Dating tips with her sassy writing I could never duplicate. I speak bold truths. I don’t seem to have the ability to be sassy as I do it. So I want to close with just one part of Mandy wrote for us.

“Sometimes power is staying and fighting for what and whom you love…and sometimes power is realizing that it’s time to stop fighting a losing battle and walk away from the battlefield with dignity and grace.

“Sometimes power doesn’t feel like power in the moment.

“Sometimes it feels like heartbreak.

“Sometimes it feels like defeat.

“Sometimes it feels like the loss of everything that matters.

“Settling for someone who’s not meant for you out of fear that no one else will come along is easy.

“Refusing to settle for anything less than the best and walking away is hard.

“But an unwillingness to settle is what separates the women from the girls.

“Loving yourself too much to stick around where you’re not loved enough or loved well is a mark of strength. And losing the love but refusing to lose the lesson? Well, that’s just downright superhero status.

“So even though right now you hurt and ache and can’t see past your heartbreak…someday you’ll thank God that the person you thought you wanted so bad, turned out to be the best thing you never had.” –Mandy Hale, Don’t Believe the Swipe, pp. 199-200

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Memes to Share About the Bravery of Vulnerability (As We So Hate the Exposure of Vulnerability)

Everyone is brave these days. But is everyone leaning into their vulnerability? Or just powering over because vulnerability is so…vulnerable? You can’t have bravery without vulnerability.

I define bravery as your decisions to actually trust God. That is full of vulnerability because with God there is not the guarantee of the controlled outcome you want.

With vulnerability comes the possibility that you will have your heart smashed. This is a 100 percent possibility. God is always faithful. That is also 100 percent. God always redeems our pain.

I can’t imagine being brave without the comfort of a relationship with God. Of knowing that God is for me, even as vulnerability has smashed my heart. I’ve had people call me stupid for having a faith in God. I can’t imagine this life–this brave life I’m living–without God.

So brave one, here are memes for you to pin everywhere to remind you that “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” –Dr. Brene’ Brown, Daring Greatly, p. 37 (You will notice a lot of Brene’ Brown quoting here because of her research on shame that revealed all of these truths about vulnerability.)

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12 Etiquette Lessons Teens Are Capable of Adapting to Their Lives

Of course, as parents you are continually teaching your child good etiquette. This is one of those overlooked, not often talked about, assumptions of parenting. No one wants to have that child. We all want to have this polite and respectful version of ourselves reflected through our children.

As your child grows, the etiquette responsibility gets upped. Mostly because you are preparing your baby for soon-to-be adulthood. Hence this list is made for you. This is a list to help you with this next step of life you are preparing your beloved for.

This list also shouldn’toverwhelm you. Etiquette lessons are usually brief in explanation andreinforced with practice. You can teach this stuff in the rhythms of your life.I’m just reminding you to think of teaching this stuff. Cheering you on allalong the way.

Where is the brave faith lessonin all of this? Teens may not know that these etiquette rules are kindness tothe other. Etiquette defined is simple kindness. These kindnesses just may havenever occurred to your teen. This is why teens still have parents.

Teens are capable of learningthese etiquette rules:

Being on time for appointments or whatever plans is a sign of respect.RSVP to an invitation. This is “adulting 101” as this is something your teen can learn now. Give any other person you are in conversation with your full attention. This means no texting or ear buds in ears, etc. Your teen may be able to pay full attention because they are excellent multi-taskers so explain to your beloved that this is still perceived as rude. This one may need some explaining.Speak with respect to one another on the phone or in a text. Every time.Don’t text when you’re angry. Ever. Anger can blind you and result in doing or saying things that you later regret. This is a good life rule. Don’t emoji your adult relationships. Use your words. Yes, there may be the cool uncle you are delighted your teen has a relationship with and they speak emoji to each other. Your cool uncle can then be brought into this lesson to help train your teen to know how to speak with words. Be kind whenever possible. This includes not making fun of anyone, giggling, or whispering behind someone’s back. Consciously putting an end to such little behaviors can completely change people’s perspective on one’s character. Hopefully this matters to your teen. When you have this conversation with your teen, you may get the argument that how someone judges them is no one’s business. Being kind is more important than that small-minded thinking. Show respect to every customer at your job. Ask your teen to think of a time when he/she went to pay for something and was treated poorly/treated less than. Your teen has the choice in that job to treat someone (even the idiot) with respect and show kindness anyway or take the given responsibility to make that customer feel even smaller in life. Ask permission to do things. Self-autonomy is a part of adolescent development. You are growing your teen to “leave your nest as a functioning adult.” Ask your teen to show you the courtesy of asking for permission as this teaches that your teen’s decisions always affects others. You also then have the opportunity to teach respect and decision-making. Say yes whenever you can (you know when you can’t) in respect for being asked. Slang is fun to use with friends but other than that, there is not another situation that is appropriate to talk in slang. Or to cuss. You may need to help define what slanguage your teen uses commonly since he/she may think differently. A parent in my church has threatened her teen boy that the next time he calls her “bruh” she’s taking him to the bra section of a department store. This has been effective. Bonus:  Be careful of the slang you use in front of your teen. You may be sending a mixed message.Shake hands when meeting someone new. Shake hands with a good grip and look that person in the eye.Write thank you notes. This one feels Emily-Post-old-tymey but it teaches gratitude. It also teaches how to write a kind note to someone. A two-fer! Worth the eye-rolls to teach this one because the receiver of a thank you note is filled with respect for a teenager.

Photo by Randalyn Hill on Unsplash

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New Bedtime Ritual with Teens

Do you remember those sweet years when you tucked yourbeloved to bed? You would have sweet conversation, maybe read a sweet book, sayprayers together, kiss on the forehead and tuck your beloved in tight.

Then your beloved grew up. Life somehow got in the way ofthis bedtime ritual. You’ve missed having those moments together as you alsorealize that your beloved has grown.

This is not that same bedtime ritual but it can be one thatalso creates sweet moments.

Whether it is in bed, in the bedroom, over a late-nightcookie in the kitchen, each evening try to have a day-ending conversation withyour teen and ask these three questions:

Howare you doing? Howare your friends doing?On ascale of 1 to 10, how’s your mental health?

At first you may get eye rolls. Of course, you will. Endurepass the eye rolls and try again. With your consistency and these questions youwill get a peek into your teen’s secret life.

Every teen has a secret life–it’s a part of adolescent development. The questions that run through that growing brain of theirs are wide and big and scary. Sometimes these questions spill out. More often they remain bottled inside that curious mind and conflicted soul.

With these questions you are saying that you care about your teen’s friends. The struggle of their friends’ lives may be one of the biggest concerns he/she is secretly struggling with. You are inviting your teen to put words on that struggle so the secret can be released. You will also learn the names of their friends, maybe how they influence your teen, some of the gossip of your teen’s life, and maybe even a peek at your own teen’s decision-making. Do not exploit this window at a future time. This is a sacred moment.

Also asking about his/her mental health nightly says you areaware that life is hard for your teen. That you will not be shocked at yourteen’s struggle. That you are even ready for it. Which will then help your teennot keep a depression or an anxiety attack a secret from you.

Notice this doesn’t include a family devotion book or anighttime prayer. Maybe this will for you. Maybe because this has been a familyhabit since those sweet child days. My advice is to keep this simple with thesequestions.

Value every bit of information you get in return. Then go to your bedroom and you pray your heart out to the God who sees pain and who is near those in pain. There may also be many prayers of gratitude. #thebravepray

Also watch for those moments when the two of you will beable to pray together for what is shared. Maybe this will happen often becausethis has been a family habit since those sweet child days. Maybe your teensimply wants space to figure out his/her own way to communicate such stuff withGod. (This is the normal.)

So this bedtime ritual isn’t as sweet as a sweet childhoodbook but these minutes together will connect you to your increasinglydisconnected teen where it may matter most.

Photo by DanielLopez on Unsplash

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Five Books to Give to Graduates (That are Not the Normal Ones That are Gifted)

The rite of passage of high school graduation and college graduation has been a part of my life for my entire adult life because I have been a youth pastor my entire adult life. And I love to celebrate rites of passage.

I also love to challenge my teens to not have a normal safe faith.

I also love books. Thus I love giving books to everyone.

I know graduates receive a lot of “supposed to” giftsalongside a lot of cash. They always prefer the cash. Those graduate gift booksalmost always get shelved never to be seen again.

These books I give to my graduates are not those books. These are personally chosen from my long list of favorite books. These are often not about what the future has in store for the graduate or whatever. Yet they are. There is a message here I want the graduate to read to help shape their faith, especially at this stage of their lives. Plus these are books that I believe they will want to read.

Some of my choices are personal. But these five books are mymost gifted lately.

Lost Letters ofPergamum:  the Story from the NewTestament World by Bruce W. Longenecker

This is exactly what I mean about my choices not beingnormal. What does this title have to do with graduation? The giftability ofthis clever book is it is fiction! That makes it a more readable choice. Thisis a clever fiction book that explains what a first-century Christian was like.Which better helps explain what a Christian is like as well as how tounderstand the Bible better. These are the things I want graduates to know.Plus it’s fiction!

Praying Through EveryEmotion by Linda Evans Shepherd

This title explains this book. For the 73 emotions listed alphabetically there is a written prayer and scripture references. What happens after graduation is a lot of emotions, often times new emotions. I have just gifted an easy-to-use resource to help them find God in the midst of those emotions. This book makes me feel better because it is so helpful at those points when maybe they won’t call or text me asking for help.

Aloof by Tony Kriz

God is an Invisible God who at times looks aloof. True, right? For those of us who have travelled through those “dark valleys of the shadow of death.” We have come to learn that we do travel through to the other side and that God never leaves us. But in college or in those late adolescent years the God they knew of their childhood becomes aloof. Then left behind. I gift this book to get ahead of that using the beautiful words of Tony Kriz to introduce this bigger God who at times is aloof but has never left.

Never Alone byTiffany Bluhm

This is my gift to girls. The wisdom Tiffany learned through her life heartbreaks are what I want my girls to learn. This feels like you are reading an autobiography (easily hooked into her story) as you are gaining these truths. Particularly the one story of when Tiffany believed she had found her love for a lifetime and he wasn’t. That one story every girl will never forget.

Killing Lions by John Eldredge

This is my gift to boys. Boys whom I have set expectations for and am about to release as young men. I want them to know they are young men and how to be a good young man. Boys really need to know that they are approved as grown and responsible. This book is that. I have several sections of the book I highlight and leave specific notes for my boys to find as they read. I want them to know specifically that I approve of them and why.

You can gift these books too. This is why I created this list. The more our graduates read these books, maybe there is a better chance that they will grow a bigger and beautiful faith as they grow away from us. Because this is the next step.

(Photo by cottonbro from Pexels)

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Memes to Share About “The Real” of Bravery. Because It Will Involve Your Broken Heart.

I define bravery as your decisions to actually trust God. That is full of vulnerability because with God there is not the guarantee of the controlled outcome you want.

With this vulnerability comes the possibility that you will have your heart smashed. This is a 100 percent possibility. God is always faithful. That is also 100 percent. God always redeems our pain.

I still choose a brave life.

A safe faith says “I know you are omnipotent so I will feel helpless while I wait on you.” A brave faith says “here is my cry and here is my anger and here is how I feel. Thank you for blessing the godly.” It is our decisions of bravery that defines us.

I still choose to make these decisions. God has never failed me. I have always survived, grown, and become more beautiful. Because beauty comes when your decisions of bravery define you.

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