Brenda Seefeldt Amodea's Blog, page 15

There are Too Many Variables As to Why the Date Didn’t Work Out

A failed date does not define you.

Yet you feel like it was all about you.

There are a list of variables as to why a date didn’t go well. Some of them do have to do with you. Maybe you brought your rejection anxiety to the date. Maybe you went into this date with a self-fulfilling prophecy that you are not worthy of being on this very date. Maybe there are lies you believe about all men that you are bringing with you. This is your baggage.

Maybe you simply discerned (part-brain, part-instinct, and part-Holy-Spirit) that this was not a good match. Bravo to you. This is a part of brave dating. We have a lot here on this website to help your discerner.

Maybe it is him. Maybe something is going on with him. Maybe he’s not over his ex. Maybe he has insecurities. Maybe he is overwhelmed with you. Maybe he “friendzones” too quickly in all of his relationships. Maybe he can hold a conversation by text but not in person. Maybe he discerned this is not a good match.

You are not going to know the baggage he brought to the date. You are only familiar with yours. What is familiar to you is the window of how you view this date. Which means you may shame yourself believing that something is wrong with you. When simply this is a date that just didn’t work out. This was simply not a match.

You don’t need to personalize the rejection. It often doesn’t have to do with you. You are not too much. You are not not enough.

Every not match or bad match will eventually lead to a good match. You have to be matching to try to get to that good match. This means every person you date is not going to be the one until he/she is the one.

This means you must try again. You will meet someone else and you should try again.

If you see your baggage, work on healing your baggage. Your gift of people want you to work on it and are there for you. If this date revealed something about you, good. You’ve been given a gift you didn’t have before.

Otherwise, don’t sabotage yourself for a date gone dudly. There are too many variables as to why and many of those variables don’t have to do with you.

And big truth for you:  First date skills have nothing to do with what kind of a husband or wife that date will make. Maybe you want to try a second date because “something” is there worth checking again.

There are so many variables in finding your love for a lifetime. Being in love is not enough. Being Christian is not enough. Which means many first dates. Some awkward dates. Some failed dates. Some magic dates, but that may not even be enough.

Lean into this vulnerability of dating. It requires bravery and not self-sabotage and shame. Self-sabotage and shame feels like safety. You can choose to let your defenses and your excuses keep you locked up in a small world. Or you can make a brave decision and date again. With all those variables still in play.

This is probably why you hate dating.

I hope to create a spirit of adventure for you for dating. To help you brave into possibility. (Vulnerability is the birthplace of bravery.)

To mix with the real that you will have times of hating dating.

Because one day you will find that match.

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There are Too Many Variables As to Why the Date Didn���t Work Out

A failed date does not define you.

Yet you feel like it was all about you.

There are a list of variables as to why a date didn���t go well. Some of them do have to do with you. Maybe you brought your rejection anxiety to the date. Maybe you went into this date with a self-fulfilling prophecy that you are not worthy of being on this very date. Maybe there are lies you believe about all men that you are bringing with you. This is your baggage.

Maybe you simply discerned (part-brain, part-instinct, and part-Holy-Spirit) that this was not a good match. Bravo to you. This is a part of brave dating. We have a lot here on this website to help your discerner.

Maybe it is him. Maybe something is going on with him. Maybe he���s not over his ex. Maybe he has insecurities. Maybe he is overwhelmed with you. Maybe he ���friendzones��� too quickly in all of his relationships. Maybe he can hold a conversation by text but not in person. Maybe he discerned this is not a good match.

You are not going to know the baggage he brought to the date. You are only familiar with yours. What is familiar to you is the window of how you view this date. Which means you may shame yourself believing that something is wrong with you. When simply this is a date that just didn���t work out. This was simply not a match.

You don���t need to personalize the rejection. It often doesn���t have to do with you. You are not too much. You are not not enough.

Every not match or bad match will eventually lead to a good match. You have to be matching to try to get to that good match. This means every person you date is not going to be the one until he/she is the one.

This means you must try again. You will meet someone else and you should try again.

If you see your baggage, work on healing your baggage. Your gift of people want you to work on it and are there for you. If this date revealed something about you, good. You���ve been given a gift you didn���t have before.

Otherwise, don���t sabotage yourself for a date gone dudly. There are too many variables as to why and many of those variables don���t have to do with you.

And big truth for you:  First date skills have nothing to do with what kind of a husband or wife that date will make. Maybe you want to try a second date because ���something��� is there worth checking again.

There are so many variables in finding your love for a lifetime. Being in love is not enough. Being Christian is not enough. Which means many first dates. Some awkward dates. Some failed dates. Some magic dates, but that may not even be enough.

Lean into this vulnerability of dating. It requires bravery and not self-sabotage and shame. Self-sabotage and shame feels like safety. You can choose to let your defenses and your excuses keep you locked up in a small world. Or you can make a brave decision and date again. With all those variables still in play.

This is probably why you hate dating.

I hope to create a spirit of adventure for you for dating. To help you brave into possibility. (Vulnerability is the birthplace of bravery.)

To mix with the real that you will have times of hating dating.

Because one day you will find that match.

The post There are Too Many Variables As to Why the Date Didn���t Work Out appeared first on Bravester.

Staying in Overwhelmed Land Too Long

There is no shame here. Because being overwhelmed is a real thing.

There is loads of scientific research that has found that we don���t process other emotional information accurately when we feel overwhelmed. This can result in poor decision making. You know this, don���t you? Do you feel better knowing that science confirms it? You are not the only one making poor decisions because you can���t make it through a day while living through this tragedy.

One researcher, ���Carol Gohm, used the term ���overwhelmed��� to describe an experience where our emotions are intense, our focus on them is moderate, and our clarity about exactly what we���re feeling is low enough that we get confused when trying to identify or describe the emotions.��� (Dr. Brene��� Brown, Atlas of the Heart, p. 7)

So we know we are overwhelmed and ���done��� so we can���t bear to feel all of those emotions at that moment so we don���t even try to understand the emotions. This does not make for a good set up for decision making.

So we freeze, flee, or fawn. Then when we become a bit more aware of the life around us we shame ourselves for this bad decision making.

Shame hurts���and likes to keep you in pain. If you leave shame unchecked, shame will make every decision for your life.

How do we move out of overwhelmed land when we are so overwhelmed? Being overwhelmed���especially when life gives you a tragedy���is a real thing. You just can���t wish it away. You just can���t power over it.

Give yourself grace for the bad decision making.

Shame is not your friend. Shame does not make the situation any better. Shame wants you to stay small and in overwhelmed land. There is grace to help you get through and back into a responsible life. Tragedies have a way of obliterating that responsible life���for a time. For all of us. We give you grace. You give yourself grace.

Intentionally make a gratitude list.

Now, in the midst of overwhelmed land. This change of perspective will be a path. Start with the ABC list. Then everyday find something. You will soon start seeing a path.

Ask others to pray for you.

Ask with specifics. Because your prayers have become a cycle of fear and shame.

When you pray do you overwhelm yourself about the things you really cannot control?When you pray do you become angry (even more angry) with how you���ve been wronged?When you pray do you become obsessed with what you don���t have?When you pray has food, sex, entertainment, or money overtaken your thoughts?When you pray does shame seem louder in your head?When you pray do you find yourself being self-critical about you?When you pray are you building a story-line about God that is untrue?

I understand why you are praying less. There are times when I���ve stopped praying all together. It���s okay. You���ve asked others to pray for you.

Notice the ones who are not avoiding you.

These are the ones who don���t give you platitudes or drive-by prayers. These are the ones who keep showing up, often not knowing what to do but are still showing up anyway. Some of my favorite people are the ones who will get mad at God with me.

With this extra time your mind now has because you are not praying, dream of ways to bless these people who are not avoiding you. Maybe this blessing gift will involve a new craft or a new something. This new thing will actually help you feel empowered during this time when you feel so powerless.

The day will come. H.ang O.n P.ain E.nds! Meanwhile you continue to trust this Invisible God who has broken your heart. This is faith mixed with total confusion. It is the people who really trust God who can vent their anger at him.

You���ve been doing a lot of angry venting lately, right? It���s okay. You now have some good steps to do also. This will end. Staying in overwhelmed land will soon move to a new normal���probably with a broken calloused heart���and a deeper beautiful understanding of this Bigger and Lower God.

From one who knows all of this to be true. Brenda!

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Meme Truth to Share When You Can’t Find God

It is hard to trust an Invisible God.

I have learned from years of God���s faithfulness that I do not need to fear feeling vulnerable or to not be afarid of my trust issues with God. I am a mix of fear and faith. This mix will always be a part of me.

So I choose to believe in this Larger Story God, this Undefinable God, this Invisible God. I know I am seen.

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Seeing Pain Up Close is an Experience of Awe

My life is this mix of the beautiful and the painful. I get both. I am learning more and more about both.

Pain so often wants to make us small. We hide our pain. We cover our pain. We numb our pain. We lie about our pain. There are moments when we truly can���t get out of bed in the morning but we don���t tell anyone about that. We may not shower for a couple of days but we don���t tell anyone about that. We muddle through until it feels safe again to show our beautiful faces. Or at least our filtered faces.

There have been moments in my life when I have allowed certain others to see my pain. They have helped me carry my pain. (I wrote a book about this.) It is in these precious moments that we both experience awe.

Dr. Brene��� Brown defined awe in the beautiful book, Atlas of the Heart,

���When feeling awe, we tend to simply stand back and observe, ���to provide a stage for the phenomenon to shine.������

���Dr. Brene��� Brown, Atlas of the Heart, p. 58

Awe takes away your breath. It is all encompassing, at least for that beautiful moment. Pain can also be that beautiful moment.

This is just a starting list of what starts to shine when someone comes near my pain with me:

I am not alone.Loneliness can���t lie to me that I am alone.The lies deep in my head that have become extra loud in this tragedy are quieted���for a while. (Keeping it real.)I don���t have to pretend to be okay.I see God through your actions towards me.I see God as good again.I giggle again. Sometimes I laugh full from the gut.I see a way through, enough at least to make a Plan B.I am overwhelmed less.I hear you say you are praying for me and I believe you. I don���t believe too many others, but I believe you.

In these awe-inspiring moments–but still in my pain–I begin to see beauty somehow. I���m extra touched by a tree. Or a song. Or a movie that no one else liked but a line said in that movie felt exactly like how I���m feeling so this movie will always be bonded with me as a moment of hope.

Someone who inspired me to awe recently died as she shared her cancer experience up close. Read these words and feel the awe also:

But here���s one thing I do know: when it comes to pain, God isn���t often in the business of taking it away. Instead, he adds to it. He is more of a giver than a taker. He doesn���t take away my darkness, he adds light. He doesn���t spare me of thirst, he brings water. He doesn���t cure my loneliness, he comes near. So why do we believe that when we are in pain, it must mean God is far?  –Nightbirde/Jane Kristen Marczewski https://www.nightbirde.co/blog/blog-p...

These words inspire me to awe. Because now I believe that God did not abandon me or got too busy or is distantly ignoring my broken-hearted mess. I stand back and observe and begin to believe that pain has a Holy Spirit magic way of making me beautiful. I want to learn about God like this. Awe often is mixed with wonder and wonder draws us to want to learn more.

Or these words from a cancer survivor:

Seeing pain up close can give you an incredible experience of awe. It���s like seeing a garment turned inside out and all the rough seams are showing. You see someone���s absolute humanity shine through all the pain, and that vulnerability makes them more���not less beloved. ���Kate Bowler, Good Enough, pp. 93-94

I am seen and I am more beloved. As my heart is so smashed. I actually believe this about myself because I am seen. My gift of people show me this.

Pain is a meeting place with God. Not a normal meeting place as it is a bit unsafe. Yet this place is also filled with awe–at the same time.

At the end of Job���s disaster, he said, ���I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.��� Job 42:5. Pain does have a way of showing us God in all truth. This is why pain is our beginning. I will never be able to unsee God���s faithfulness to me in the depths of my pain. I have learned to see how God is beautiful.

Maybe you don���t see this bigger and lower God that way. Maybe you believe God is far. But from this calloused broken heart, I have learned this. I am in awe about this.

I close with this blessing written by Kate Bowler. Pain lies to us and tells us we are the bad thing so we must stay small. When really, we lead others to awe and show them this beautiful God.

A Blessing for When You Feel Like the Bad Thing

Blessed are you who feel like the bad thing. You are everyone���s reminder of their frailty, of life���s cruelty. Your chronic pain or depression or regular scans remind those around you that life isn���t fair or easy as they had hoped.

Blessed are you who try to hide your humanity. You who temper your complaints, who avoid mentioning your next appointment, who pretend you are doing better than you are to make reality a little more palatable to others. You, who try and try and try to make yourself easier to love, easier to be around, easier to manage.

But dear one, blessed are you because you are not the bad thing. Your illness or grief or despair or addiction is not too much. It���s just your humanity showing.

And blessed are you who get to see it up close. Who, despite our own fears and reminders of our finitude, get to hold your hand as you face each day with courage, confronting things you didn���t choose. It is this kind of courageous living���the kind that shows all the shabby edges���that we are so thankful to witness. You, blessed one, remind us that life is so beautiful and life is so hard. And we feel lucky for the privilege to do life with you���no matter how difficult, no matter how messy. You are not the bad thing. You are a gift. And we love every bit of you. ���Kate Bowler, Good Enough, pp. 95-96

(Photo credit by Tom Podmore on Unsplash)

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Ask Someone On a Date. Use That Word ���Date.���

I hope you never hear, ���Hey, do you want to hang out?��� And then have to wonder if this is a date or literally just hanging out.

Ask that intriguing someone on a date. Use the word ���date.��� Make it clear. This is clarity. Clarity is kind. Clarity is honoring and respectful.

Ask with your words. In person. Over the phone. Not by text.

By saying that word both of you will know what the intention is. You won���t be lost wondering about that ���friend zone.��� There are plenty of other ���what ifs��� to get caught up in than to worry about the ���what if��� this is a date.

Women, you can ask men out on a date. Men appreciate the clarity also.

A date also means a plan. You are asking someone to do something. Call it a coffee date instead of ���Do you want to get a coffee together sometime?��� Do you see the difference?

What happens way too often is you meet this person of high character and you want to get to know him/her better. So you start ���hanging out��� together. Maybe it���s just the two of you ���hanging out.��� Maybe it���s a group but you two seem to end up talking together more. Maybe you keep putting yourself in this person���s orbit at the inconvenience of your own life. Maybe you two only text each other���and that takes up hours of your life.

You find yourself lost in that ���friend zone��� because you don���t know what is going on between the two of you because neither have asked the other on a date. You also know that you are falling hard for this one.

Be the one to end this what will soon be a dead-end relationship. This blurry “friend zone” does not last forever and one of you is going to be hurt. Ask for the date. Use that word ���date.��� The person is either going to say yes or say no. You may now be moving forward because you really like this intriguing person. Or you will feel disappointment but that is better now than in six months of contorting yourself wondering. (And all that wasted emotional energy of daydreaming.)

The hard truth is you bending, blending and pretending to ���hang out��� with this intriguing other is already telling you the truth. If he/she never asks for the date, he/she is not into you.

Spare your friends��� emotional energy too. They already know that he/she is not into you. They see it. You can contort the story every which way you want to but we know. End this misery and ask for the date. Now you know too.

Have a little vanity. Ask for the date.

End the breadcrumbing. Ask for the date.

This date that is planned also doesn���t happen at the moment you ask the person or that evening or the next day. Give this intriguing person a minimum of three days to wait for this date.

For you, you���ve probably spent weeks being anxious and agonizing over asking this person out. You���ve probably talked to your friends (and your team?) about this person and finally you took the opportunity to ask���with clarity. For this other, give him/her a minimum three-day window so he/she can anticipate and talk about this with his/her people. Now you both have time to think and worry.

This planned date does not have to be romantic���yet. A coffee date is a great���and a comfortable start���to pay attention to someone���s story. Your date will value being seen and heard way more than being wooed and wowed as a romantic gesture. If all goes well, you will have plenty of future dates to show off your romantic self. Romance is the fun stuff!

Here’s some good second date ideas.

Of course, there is the possibility that you will be turned down on that date. As this interviewee said, ���I can���t think of a single reason why not asking might be better than asking. If you don���t ask, the answer is ���no.��� If you ask you have a chance. If you connect with someone the only way to get to know them better, to see if a relationship can develop, is to take the risk.���

There it is. Yes, there is risk. Dating is the vulnerable stuff. This person you have planned a date with has the power to break your heart���because you know you may give this person your heart. This is a risk.

It is still just a date. This one date does not define you. The fail of this date does not define you as unlovable. It is just a date. At a minimum you may have gained a great story. You may also have gained this other person���s respect because it was a ���date��� instead of a mystery whatever. You deserve the respect for doing the asking.

Men, women will applaud you for the clarity. All women will applaud.

So ask, ���Do you want to go on a date with me?��� with that intriguing high character person you have your eye on. Let the adventure begin or the daydreaming end. Either option is best for you.

Do you want to read more about those ���hanging around��� dead-end relationships?

About That Guy That Looks at You Like You are the Sunshine in His World But You Don’t Know If He is Your Boyfriend

About Your ���Friend��� Who is Your ���One��� But is Never Your Boyfriend

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Living in Tree Time #whattreesteachus

This was the benediction I prayed over my church. It came from a conversation we had about trees. We weekly have conversations as a part of our church worship. This one came from a Biblical study we did on the forest of trees in the Bible. I riffed these words out of that one conversation.

May you leave us tonight and find that your hope is in Jesus–and your roots with Jesus are deep. They are sustaining. They feed you. The growth may be slow. You are living in tree time, not mouse time.

There is life and there is death and the tree still grows. The tree is able to support life, feed life, hold life. May your deep deep deep roots in Jesus give you the hope. Even if your life hurts you this week and you don’t know how to get up the next day. May you realize you are still getting sustenance and nourishment through those roots because of Jesus. We are with you in those roots.

You are able to get up the next day and the next day because you are living in tree time. This tree is growing through the winter, spring, and the through the death of fall and it is continuing to grow. You are going to make it. You are going to stand tall. You are going to reach your arms up to heaven to praise God. You are going to join us next week. We are going to share stories of how God was with us as we live in tree time. Amen.

What do I mean by tree time? This is now something I can’t unsee as I read my Bible.

Do you realize how many trees are in the Bible? Christianity is the only religion that weaves trees throughout its sacred text. Every important character and every major event has a tree marking the spot. There is a tree in the first and last chapter of the Bible, in the first psalm, and in the first gospel. Other than God and people, the Bible mentions trees more than any other living thing. When you see a tree, branch, bush, root, or fruit on the page, look for God.

When I read my Bible I now can’t unsee all of this.

How many times did God call someone when they were sitting under a tree? Can you name at least 5 stories like that? Know there are many more.

Take a look at this picture. Imagine you are sitting under this tree. What is God revealing to you? Take a moment and do that.

What if you were actually sitting under that tree?

God uses trees to teach about time on a vaster scale. Trees are the longest-lived creatures on the planet. Trees are the only creatures that leave a count of every year they have lived. Trees are the only things from our childhood that are bigger when we go back and visit them as adults. (Is our faith like that?)

God is patiently trying to get us to think long term, to think of the larger story. Maybe this is why we feel such a connection to an old tree or to a walk deep into the woods (when we stop our lives long enough to do this).

The trees are telling us to slow down and look because here is where holy things happen.

A human life compared to an ancient tree is short: 70 years vs. five thousand. God wants us to think more on the scale of trees than of mice. But if you could take a look at my prayer conversations with God, you see that I tend to think like a mouse.

Read all of this beautiful article from The Smithsonian about talking trees. Here’s one teachable paragraph: 

“Wise old mother trees feed their saplings with liquid sugar and warn the neighbors when danger approaches. Reckless youngsters take foolhardy risks with leaf-shedding, light-chasing and excessive drinking, and usually pay with their lives. Crown princes wait for the old monarchs to fall, so they can take their place in the full glory of sunlight. It’s all happening in the ultra-slow motion that is tree time, so that what we see is a freeze-frame of the action.”

There is so much happening in tree time!

This all happens in tree time and trees grow anyway. May I be so inspired to grow anyway. It may feel like such slow growth. Oh yes, that is tree time.

From the same Smithsonian article:

“Since Darwin, we have generally thought of trees as striving, disconnected loners, competing for water, nutrients and sunlight, with the winners shading out the losers and sucking them dry. The timber industry in particular sees forests as wood-producing systems and battlegrounds for survival of the fittest.

“There is now a substantial body of scientific evidence that refutes that idea. It shows instead that trees of the same species are communal, and will often form alliances with trees of other species. Forest trees have evolved to live in cooperative, interdependent relationships, maintained by communication and a collective intelligence similar to an insect colony. These soaring columns of living wood draw the eye upward to their outspreading crowns, but the real action is taking place underground, just a few inches below our feet.

“’Some are calling it the “wood-wide web,”’ says Wohlleben in German-accented English. ‘All the trees here, and in every forest that is not too damaged, are connected to each other through underground fungal networks. Trees share water and nutrients through the networks, and also use them to communicate. They send distress signals about drought and disease, for example, or insect attacks, and other trees alter their behavior when they receive these messages.’”

Trees teach us we have need of each other. To live in tree time is to deepen our roots (go crazy with that metaphor on your own) and reach out to each other in our communal networks.

I wrote a book about this. My heart has been smashed and a 30-year prison sentence for your son is definitely tree time. (I wish this was my only smashed heart story but this is the public one.) I have learned it is my gift of people who keep me standing tall and reaching to the heavens every day.

So many metaphors—which are all so true.

This is just the surface of what trees teach us.

Trees teach us things when we walk under them. When we plant trees we are learning (and doing something like God since he loves planting trees in gardens as in Genesis and Revelation so why not here too). When we study trees the rest of life starts to make sense. When we sit under a tree we amazingly (almost without understanding) feel rested. When we sit under a tree and read the Bible and then study all of the trees in the Bible all at the same time, awe and wonder will blow your mind.

Does my spontaneous benediction now catch your breath like it did for us in that holy moment? Does living in your tree time make a little more sense to you?

road in the morning forest

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My Big Takeaway From Life in the Pandemic

This one is a life-changing biggie.

As I write this, we are nearing the end. We are just beginning to see a glimpse of a return to something. To normal? I hope not.

Before the pandemic I created this meme inspired from a comment a graduated teen of mine made to me. This was January 2020.

Hysterical. Now.

Then sometime in April 2020 I created this meme. I truly meant these words. But three months?!?!?!?!

What little we knew then.

This is what I know now.

The pandemic gave us all a reset because the pace of life before the pandemic was unsustainable.

Before the pandemic we were living in an ever-increasing pace of life.

You know this was an unsustainable pace because when you deleted those items from your calendar in March 2020 you felt joy.

We were exhausted from this pace as it increased year after year. We were living in the proverbial ���frog in a kettle��� and very few were jumping out of the boiling water.

The pandemic gave us this opportunity to jump out and recalculate our schedules. We had months of when we barely had a schedule. Then very slowly over time schedules were able to be made again. This time we have the option to not overschedule; to not run ourselves to the edge of our stamina; to not numb ourselves with crazy busy; to find that balance we proverbially make as a new resolution every new year.

Some of you have already ramped up your schedule to that unbearable pace again.

Some of you have not. Stick to your new boundaries.

I believe deep in my soul that our lives before the pandemic were unsustainable and there was a collective fallout coming. Our souls before the pandemic were already suffering so much. As was our mental health and our physical health.

Nothing was going to stop this ever-increasing pace of life. Then something did. Something we���ve only seen in the movies.

We were given a gift. This gift came with death (the real) and craziness (so many hypotheticals).  

The earth breathed, we breathed, and now we can create a sustainable pace.

Make those decisions. Find your new pace and let it be because that is enough. Appreciate this gift.

Sit back in awe and wonder and appreciate this gift.

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Memes to Share about the Realness of Prayer

Sometimes a photo and a few words sums it up all together, right?

We know that we should pray. We know that prayer is important. Yet prayer feels more complicated. Prayer at times can feel like a failure, a disconnection, like talking to the ceiling.

Yet the brave pray. The brave embrace the vulnerability and trust God for the things we have no control over–and the things we do have control over. The brave are not afraid of our dependency on God or on prayer,

Be inspired. Share. Share your brave prayer moments.

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Suffering Happens. And We Don’t Blame God? Really?

I’m not sure what I think about this new survey about suffering and God.

Just so you know, I do love reading research. I always have.

This new survey from Pew Research poll found that while most Americans believe in God, very few hold God responsible for the bad things that happen in life.

Oh really? So those broken-hearted people whom I talk to in my regular life as a pastor are outliers? So the people deconstructing their faith publicly on blogs, vlogs, and social media aren’t angry at God? They aren’t deconstructing God and creating a belief system that fits their own image? (I’ve been a youth pastor for 40 years. This has been happening for 40 years, at least.) So I am part of the 30% who does get angry at God?

Oh really?

From the research:

“Instead, Americans tend to think pain and suffering are the result of either individual choices, structural issues or some mix of both. 61 percent of respondents said “suffering is mostly a consequence of people’s own actions,” while 69 percent said “suffering is mostly a result of the way society is structured.” A little over half said it’s both.

“80 percent of Americans say people–not God–are responsible for suffering, while 50 percent and 44 percent, respectively, say suffering is part of God’s plan or is Satan’s fault. Only a slim minority–16 percent–say suffering makes them doubt God’s power or his love. Meanwhile, 70 percent say they either rarely or never feel angry at God when bad things happen.

“When they hear about terrible things happening to people, most Americans said they feel thankful for the good things in their own lives (71%) and sad for those who are suffering (62%). Ten percent said they were happy for others’ suffering because they deserved it.

“Half of Americans, the survey found, endorse the idea that God chooses “not to stop the suffering in the world because it is part of a larger plan.” And 44% said “Satan is responsible for most of the suffering in the world.”  Evangelicals and Black Protestants were especially likely to take this position.

https://www.pewforum.org/2021/11/23/few-americans-blame-god-or-say-faith-has-been-shaken-amid-pandemic-other-tragedies/

How logical these majority Americans are. Because when you think deeply about the pain that we all do get to suffer through at some time (no one is exempt from pain, not even Christians), this research sounds reasonable. Suffering is definitely due to consequences. Suffering is definitely due to a broken world. Satan is real and a real force that wants to steal, kill, and destroy. God is definitely a larger story God.

How logical.

Maybe when our emotions have gone through the tunnel , when pain is our beginning which leads us to a beautiful new chapter eventually (oh the patience of time needed!), this sort of logic does get reasoned out.

Then I say, “Bravo! To the many of you.”

Where do you fall in this survey?

_____Suffering is the consequences of people’s own actions.

_____Suffering is the consequences of the way society is structured.

_____Suffering is a part of God’s plan.

_____Suffering is Satan’s fault.

_____Suffering makes you doubt God’s power and/or God’s love.

_____You never or rarely get angry at God when suffering happens.

_____God chooses to not stop the suffering because it is a part of a larger plan.

_____When you hear about terrible things happening in the world, you choose gratitude.

_____When you hear about terrible things happening in the world, you feel sad for those who are suffering.

_____When you hear about terrible things happening in the world, you believe those people deserved it.

I’m going to guess that you checked more than one and you did not check all. I’m also going to guess that you had to think a bit before you checked the ones you checked. I appreciate your deeper thinking.

I’m hoping that maybe in your deeper thinking that you are growing to see a larger story view of God.

When your heart has been smashed, the choice more often taken is to make your world smaller. Because the world has hurt you so much. Because God was distant and allowed it to happen–and you start believing that there is no way ever that God is trustworthy.

I know.

This pain is a beginning or this pain is a door to distrusting God.

I know also that this pain does end. Emotions are tunnels. Science has discovered this.

I have learned that it is the people who really trust God who can vent their anger at him. There are times I don’t understand why the smashed heart thing happened and I don’t understand where God is in the midst of it all. I trust God so much I just tell him. All of it. As I continue to make the brave decision to the next brave decision to the next brave decision.

At some point the logic returns and I can see the larger story.

My brave story is the decisions I have made before the logic returns. This is what I write about. This is what I teach.

Bravo to you for your logical times! Bravo to you for the brave decisions you are making in the midst of your smashed heart time!

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