Debra Beck's Blog, page 39
December 4, 2013
It’s The Holiday Season!
Wow, amazing that it is the holiday season again.
I am very excited about my daughters and grandson coming to visit this year in Sedona. My gratitude runs deep with so many things. It is very important to remember what the holidays are for you. If we get wrapped up in only the gift giving and things having to be perfect around us, we may create a bit of stress and overlook the true joys of the holidays…being with family! I find that the less I worry about the perfect gift, and the ultimate dinner and just be with my loved ones, everything else seems to be perfect.
Overcoming Holiday Season Stress
If you are stressing out around the holiday season, take a look at what is going on and see if you can make a few adjustments, either in your attitude or the situation. Nothing is that important to cause so much upset and ruin this time when you are with your family and friends. We just had a holiday get together for about 20 people that we decided to have at the last minute. I realized that the most important part of the party wasn’t the food, music or the way my house presented, it was getting my close friends together and having fun. It was a great success because I knew what was most important. Take deep breathes this season and enjoy your family and let the rest go.
Have a wonderful, loving season with your friends and family,
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post It’s The Holiday Season! appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 28, 2013
How to Deal With Holiday Dances and Teen Drinking
Hello Parents and Teens, Happy Holidays. The holiday season can be filled with fun, family and parties. Here is a guest blog post by Melissa, Public Relations Coordinator for St. Jude Retreats – a non 12 step alternative to conventional alcohol and drug rehab on how to deal with holiday dances and teen drinking.
Is your teen anxiously awaiting their first “Holiday Ball,” “Winter Formal,” or “Christmas Dance”? For them this may be an exciting time to shop for a dress or tux, plan a night out with friends, or finally ask their crush out, but for parents this can be both a happy and scary time. In some ways, these dances are the first true independence moments our teenagers have, a place and time where parents can’t be there or watch their every move. For these reasons many teenagers use dances as a reason to experiment with alcohol. Since dances like these are typically chaperoned by faculty, students use a pre-party or after party to sneak alcohol or any recreational drugs.
So how do we protect our teens while also letting them grow up and experience these special times safely? Here are a few tips to help you keep your mind at ease:
Don’t shelter your teen from alcohol related conversations. Begin conversations early about your expectations on alcohol or drug use with your teenagers. The adolescent age is a time when teens are going to be curious about alcohol or are exposed to it for the first time through friends or social circle. Your teen may also be struggling with peer pressure regarding substance use. It helps to explain to him/her that these feelings are normal. Your teen may even ask you if you ever drank or experimented with alcohol as a teenager. Be prepared to answer these questions. Just because they are curious about alcohol does not mean they will grow up to be an alcoholic or even result to binge drinking, but it is a good time to educate them on safety precautions and possible consequences of binge drinking or drunk driving. Use this time to reflect on your own “drinking phase” if you had one as a teen. If you grew out of this phase chances are your teen will too.
Offer to organize a sober pre-party or after party for your teen. Organize a photo shoot at your home before the dance. This will give teens something to look forward to and often times other parents will attend as well, giving you an opportunity to chat with them about any concerns you may have. Offer some pre-dance snacks and some fun non-alcoholic drinks or cocktails. Learn about any after party dances that the school may be organizing. These are probably the safest place your teen could go after a dance because they are chaperoned and typically advocated by groups such as Students Against Drunk Driving (S.A.D.D.). If your teen isn’t into the idea, talk with other parents whose children are friends with your teen and organize your own post-dance party at your home or another parent’s home. It’s important to allow your teen to have some freedom at these events, especially if you know they are in good hands and alcohol will definitely not be a factor.
Be their ride home. To ensure that you teen is getting home safe and sound, offer to pick up your teen at the end of the night, regardless the time. If you cannot be the one, make prior arrangements with a car service, or another parent to ensure your teen does not get behind the wheel or in a car with another teenager who is possibly under the influence. It’s important to always know who your teen is going out with and what sort of social circle they are in. The more you know about your teen’s whereabouts in general and during that particular night, the more at ease you will feel.
Setting Boundaries on Underage Drinking
Remember those holiday events are special milestones in your teenager’s life that you do not want them to miss out on. However, it’s important as parent to send boundaries and limits when it comes to underage drinking. The more you educate your teen, the better off they will be. And more often than not even if you think they are not listening, they really are.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post How to Deal With Holiday Dances and Teen Drinking appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 26, 2013
Staying Connected: Fun Family Ideas That Kids of All Ages Can Enjoy
If you’re like most people, you probably live a very busy life. Between you, your spouse and your children’s activities, it seems like you’re constantly running from one place to the next, and sometimes, you can’t remember the last time you slowed down long enough to smell the roses. If this sounds familiar, then perhaps it’s time to make an effort to spend some relaxing quality time with your family. However, teenagers aren’t always attracted to family activities, so you will need to make special efforts if you want your ideas to appeal to your kids.
1. Cooking at Home
Going out to eat is always an enjoyable and generally well-accepted idea, but you can save money and have a lot more fun if you gather the crew together and cook a meal at home instead. Remind your kids that they will probably want to know how to make all your favorite recipes one day after they have kids of their own, and it will be helpful to begin learning now.
2. Movie Nights
Movie nights, whether at home or at the theater, are always a good option. Since the film of choice will likely always be up for debate, you can plan to allow a different family member to choose the film each time you go. When the movie is over, be sure to spend some time discussing it with your kids. Depending on the topic, it could be a great way to bring up something you’ve been wanting to talk about. For example, if the film demonstrated teenage drinking, you could ask your kids if they related to the choices the characters made and if there was anything they would do differently.
3. Start a New Tradition
Certain things never go out of style, including family game nights. Whether it be a classic card game like poker, one of the newer board games or even a video game, you and your kids will be sure to have fun. You can either find one game that you all love and stick to that as a tradition, or, as with the movies, you can allow a different person to choose the game each time.
If you want to keep your kids interested, it’s important to be creative. Ask them what they might like to do on family night beyond the ideas listed here, and never forget to try new and unexpected things. You also don’t necessarily have to limit family night to immediate family only. If your kids have close friends who might enjoy taking part, don’t be afraid to invite them along. It will make the activity more appealing for your kids and help strengthen their friendships at the same time.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Staying Connected: Fun Family Ideas That Kids of All Ages Can Enjoy appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 21, 2013
Healthy Living For Teens
If you’re the parent of a teenage girl, you probably already know that weight is a touchy subject. Therefore, if you notice your daughter gaining some weight, you may be confused about how to address it. You don’t want to let her become lazy and unfit, but at the same time, you shudder at the thought of saying anything that might lead her to feel bad about herself. All parents want the best for their children, but how do you encourage fitness without coming off critical.
1. Take it Easy and Start With Small Steps
You don’t have to enroll your teen in some sort of boot camp to get her moving. If she isn’t into exercise, start with something small, like suggesting the two of you begin taking walks together after school. Never bring up the issue of weight while suggesting this. Instead, simply focus on the importance of physical fitness for health. Share what you know about the benefits of exercise, such as the fact that starting to exercise young will lead to a healthier and more energetic life overall.
2. Encourage Physical Activities
Try to encourage involvement in sports, dance and other physical activities. If she has shown any interest in a certain sport in the past, ask her when the tryouts are happening. If she is very out of shape but still wants to try, consider signing her up for a community sports team that is divided up by skill versus age. Getting to play with other kids of her same skill level will increase her self-esteem and make her more likely to want to continue with sports in the future.
3. Consider Active Video Games
Almost all teenagers love video games, but only certain games will create the opportunity for exercise. Try playing the games together as a family, and consider setting a limit on non-active game and television time.
4. Set a Good Example
You don’t have to go to the gym for hours everyday, but if you follow reasonable exercise schedule yourself, you’re more likely to influence your daughter to do the same. Try to lead by example without putting too much pressure on her. Share things like how good exercise makes you feel, and how you’ve noticed that you have much more energy at work than before you were exercising. These positive notes will stick in your daughter’s head and help her realize the value of moving her body as much as possible.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Healthy Living For Teens appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 19, 2013
Teen Relationships: Four Ways That a Mother Can Help
As a mother, few things are as terrifying as the moment your teen daughter announces that she has her first boyfriend. When this occurs, you will probably have a lot of mixed feelings. You want your daughter to grow up to become an amazing woman who is appreciated by many nice young men, but you don’t want her to be exposed to anything she isn’t ready for.
1. Use The Relationship as a Launching Point for “The Talk”
If you haven’t yet discussed safe sex with your daughter, now would be a good time to do so. Understand that discussing safe sex does not necessarily mean you approve. It just means that you want your daughter to have all of the necessary information she will need to protect herself in the future. Depending on your own personal beliefs and the age of your daughter, this could also be a good time to discuss getting her on some form of birth control.
2. Be Clear With The Boundaries
The exact boundaries you set for your daughter will depend on your own beliefs and values. There is no singular method for successful parenting, and some parents are more liberal with rules than others. The most important thing is that you set boundaries, communicate them clearly and present some sort of consequence if they are not respected. Common boundaries for teen dating include a curfew, a block on phone time until homework is completed and a rule against your daughter being alone behind closed doors with her boyfriend.
3. Have a Discussion About Balance
Finding a new love is an overwhelming experience that can leave anyone a little distracted, especially a young girl. Talk to your daughter about the importance of balancing school, work, community, family, friendships and romance. Not only is it an important skill for the teenage years, it’s a necessary skill for life.
4. Always be Willing to Listen
The most important thing that a mother can do is listen to her daughter and respect her feelings. Never ridicule her or come off as judgmental, even if you dislike the boyfriend or are sure that the pairing won’t last. To your daughter, this relationship is a very real and important part of her world, and that needs to be respected. The more you understand that, the more your daughter will be willing to talk to you about any important issues that may arise.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Teen Relationships: Four Ways That a Mother Can Help appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 12, 2013
Why is my Teen pulling away?
Why is your teen pulling away? It is a question many parents ask me. I can totally understand their concerns because there are many reasons why your teen could be pulling away, one being the normal process of separation, the rest being possible drug use, depression or just working through their own stuff.
If it is drugs, usually other things are going on in their lives as well. Signs to look for are declining interest in activities your teen use to enjoyed, declining school grades, and radical mood swings that seem to be about more than just teen hormones.
Teenagers are faced with a lot of different pressures, from developing into adults, to the very question of who they are and how they can fit in. It isn’t easy to decipher between depression and your teenager starting to assert their independence. Here is a list of symptoms of a depressed teen:
Sleeping a lot more than usual
Edginess, anger, or hostility
Sadness, frequent crying, or hopelessness
Thoughts of death or suicide, talking about it
Difficulty concentrating,
Lack of energy
Withdrawing from friends
Loss of interest in activities
Lack of motivation and enthusiasm
Feeling worthless and guilty
Teenage Help for Depression
Depression and drug use come with assortment of symptoms that would be noticeably different than a teen pulling away to begin his/her own path of independence. Staying connected to our Teen helps us see the subtle changes in their personality. Talking to them often so that if something is wrong they feel like they can come to us. We don’t won’t to notice they are down the rabbit hole when it’s to late.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Why is my Teen pulling away? appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 7, 2013
Beauty Pageants: The Unexpected Damage
The recent French ban on underage beauty pageants has a lot of American parents talking. Pageants have always been a controversial subject, but only in recent decades have they become the spectacle we know today. From parents dressing their toddlers in high heels to teenagers fighting over who really deserved the crown, one thing is for certain: Beauty pageants can cause a lot of problems.
Young Girls Don’t Have a Choice
Anyone who has ever watched a reality show or documentary film about pageants will see many examples of the trauma they can bring upon children, whether it be due to stage fright, the need to look perfect or the pressure from their parents to win the crown. Many parents claim that their children “enjoy being in pageants,” but this statement can’t possibly be correct considering that some of these kids are participating long before they can walk or talk. Even older kids are not fully able to understand all of the possible issues that can come with participating. For this reason, many people believe that beauty pageants are highly exploitative and should be banned in America the same as in France.
The Dangers of Putting Young Children on Display
Most pageant parents don’t think twice about allowing their young daughters to prance around on stage in sexy outfits and full makeup, but they really should. It would be nice if we lived in a world where innocence was respected, but this isn’t always the case. One might hope that the people in the pageant audience all have good intentions, but there are child predators everywhere. Videos from pageants often end up on the Internet, and once this happens, the images will never be returned to their rightful owner. If you participate in pageants, always be sure to ask yourself who else might be watching your children.
Pageants Encourage Body-Image Issues in Teens
Any intense pressure to look good can lead to eating disorders in teenage girls, and there is already plenty of such pressure on a young girl leading an ordinary life. When girls take part in pageant culture, the need to look perfect becomes something more than an important part of their life. It becomes their entire identity. Therefore, things like an acne breakout or a bit of weight gain can become life shattering, leading to food restriction, self-harm or even suicidal tendencies.
When women engage in pageant culture from a young age, they are taught to focus on a superficial type of beauty instead of something deeper. While most pageants do promote creative talents and reward girls for giving back to the community, many are questioning why this damaging focus on appearance is necessary at all. Maybe if we start having beauty pageants that only focus on the mind, things will begin to improve. Or, maybe our country will soon follow in France’s footsteps. Until then, parents must decide for themselves whether involving their children in beauty pageants is the right thing to do.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Beauty Pageants: The Unexpected Damage appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 5, 2013
Keeping Teens on Track: Four Ways to Encourage Healthy Homework Skills
Homework becomes a lot harder during junior high and high school, and a lot of kids who breezed through elementary school getting good grades often realize that they are going to have to begin working harder now. Some kids find it easy to rise to the challenge, but the other distractions that arrive during the teen years, such as puberty, dating and first jobs, can make it difficult for many. As a parent, it’s important to help your teen stay motivated and on the right track.
1. Create The Right Environment
It’s crucial that teens have a quiet place to study. If your child shares a bedroom with his or her younger sibling, it’s your duty to keep the other sibling occupied during homework hours so that your teen isn’t distracted. Make sure that the television remains off, and if the computer is needed, check in every few minutes to make sure actual work is being done. This is also a good time to limit cell phone use.
2. Teach Organizational Skills
You can help your teen stay on track by creating a simple to-do list for the coming week. Include any major assignments or papers you know will be soon be due, and if possible, encourage getting an early start. Most people can slow down and become overwhelmed when they have many tasks ahead of them, and being able to check items off a to-do list can be very motivating and encouraging.
3. Get Involved
You can’t do the homework yourself, but you can get involved. If your teen is struggling with a particular subject, start by asking him or her to explain it to you. They say the best way to learn something is to teach it to someone else, and even if all of the details may not be understood, explaining what he or she does know about the subject may go a long way in helping your teen grasp the concept. Afterward, the two of you can help fill the gaps in knowledge by studying together.
4. Encourage Accountability
If your teen isn’t motivated to do homework, you’re going to have to find a way to motivate him or her. Most teens will respond quickly if their social or recreational life is threatened, so be sure to check that homework is completed each week, and if it isn’t, eliminate any chance of seeing friends or taking part in activities during the weekend. Your teen may claim to hate you for this, but you will be doing him or her a favor in the long run.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Keeping Teens on Track: Four Ways to Encourage Healthy Homework Skills appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
November 1, 2013
Encourage The Positive: Three Tips For Keeping Your Teens Out of Trouble
Sometimes, keeping track of your teenager feels impossible. As many parents have learned the hard way, the more you attempt to rule with an iron fist, the more defiant and rebellious your teen can become. If you really want your kids to stay out of trouble, you have to figure out a way to inspire them to get on a good path versus attempting to force them there.
1. Practice Open Communication
Teens are less likely to get in trouble if they feel they can openly communicate to their parents. Being able to talk with your teen means that you choose not to be judgmental of the things that are shared even when it might be a little troubling. Practicing mutual respect and communication will not only allow you to give direct advice on topics like sex, drugs and drinking, but it will also help inspire your teen to stay in touch and let you know where he or she is at all times. Knowing where your teenagers are and who they are with is half the battle when it comes to keeping them out of trouble.
2. Demonstrate and Encourage Good Self-Esteem
If your teen has good self-esteem, he or she will naturally attract friends who are also on a positive path. This is why it’s important to not only build confidence from a young age but demonstrate confidence yourself. When you believe in yourself, it teaches your kids to do the same, leading them to want more out of their future and be less likely to get involved in a bad way of life.
3. Encourage Participation
A busy teen is usually a safe and happy teen. Encouraging participation in sports, clubs, music and other activities will surely help your teen stay on a good path. Although kids who partake in these activities are not necessarily squeaky clean, there is a good chance that many of them will be. Not only that, but being involved will also simply take up a lot of your teen’s time, sparing the few remaining hours for homework, family time and rest.
No matter what your kids are interested in, you can help by encouraging the activity and providing plenty of positive reinforcement. Even though most of them would never admit it, your children are constantly seeking your approval. When they do something good, be sure to give it to them. It means more than you could ever know.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Encourage The Positive: Three Tips For Keeping Your Teens Out of Trouble appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
October 29, 2013
Do You Like Your Teens’ Friends?
If you’re a relatively balanced person, it’s probably your desire to get along with everyone. However, most of us know from personal experience that there are times when two people simply don’t click. Sometimes, one person may have a habit or personality trait that annoys the other, and other times, the exact reason for the clash is more subtle and difficult to pinpoint.
Too Annoying For Friendship, Too Good for Banishment
As you move forward on your journey with your teen, there will likely be times when you have a genuine reason to disapprove of her/his friends. Maybe you find out that some of them party or are sexually active, and you feel this would be a negative influence. No one would blame you if you wanted to forbid your teen from hanging around these types, but what do you do when a friend isn’t doing anything majorly wrong yet still gets on your nerves?
1. Practice Acceptance
As much as you might not like it, your teen has the right to choose her own friends. You can attempt to help her by introducing her to kids you think you both might like, and you can attempt to ban certain people from her life if you believe they are dangerous, but at some point, you’re going to need to let go and allow her to make these choices on her own.
2. Make an Effort
Sometimes, it takes a little time to get to know a person, and if you make the effort, you could begin to see through the cloud of annoyance and realize that your teen’s friend does have some redeeming qualities. Whenever she’s hanging around, make an effort to start a conversation and see if the two of you might share some common interests, such as a love for Brad Pitt or a favorite type of pizza. Finding even one area where you connect can make a huge difference.
3. Look Within For Insight
Try to examine why you’re so bothered by this person. Does she remind you of someone you don’t like? Is it a specific habit or personality trait, such as fingernail biting or interrupting people while talking? Do you dislike something that she brings out in your teen? Whatever it is, being honest with yourself will help you figure out how to best deal with it.
Remember that friendships ebb and flow a lot during the teenage years, and chances are, your teen may not be best friends with this particular teen two years from now. If she is, then perhaps you might need to make a bigger effort to understand what your teen likes about her friend. Even if you never understand, it’s important to let go and attempt to show love and kindness whenever you can. Loving your teen is about respecting her as an individual, and this means you will also need to respect her choices in friendship.
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Do You Like Your Teens’ Friends? appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
Debra Beck's Blog
