Debra Beck's Blog, page 37
February 25, 2014
Teen Pregnancy is at a Low, But Prevention is Still Important
It’s rare to see a positive story in the media these days, so a lot of parents will be excited to hear some good news: Statistics show that teen pregnancy is now at an all-time low in the United States.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, pregnancy rates are currently lower in almost every category than they were in 1990, including the rates for teenagers of all ethnic groups. The rate for teen pregnancy in 2009 was 38 for every thousand girls. In 1991, when the rates peaked, it was 62 for every thousand girls. That’s a 39 percent decrease. In 2012, the figure dropped even lower, ending up at 29 pregnancies for every thousand girls. The abortion rate has also steadily declined over the years.This is great news. It’s clear that we are doing something right, but what? Experts believe that not only are fewer teenagers having sex, but more of them are using contraceptives when they do. Messages about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are starting to sink in, and some even think the popularity of shows such as MTV’s “Teen Mom,” which demonstrate the difficult realities of becoming a young parent, are starting to make many teenagers think twice about being careless with their sexual activities.This new trend is wonderful, but it doesn’t mean we are out of the danger zone yet. Teen pregnancy is still a major problem, and there are still kids having unprotected sex each and every day. Although the rates are down in America, we still have one of the highest overall birth rates of any modern country, which includes unwanted teenage pregnancies.The AIDS epidemic forced schools to increase their efforts when it comes to sex education and safety, but it isn’t enough. It’s disturbing how many teenagers still believe certain myths, such as the idea that a girl can’t become pregnant her first time having sex or that pulling out is an effective choice for reducing the risk of pregnancy. Another common problem is the belief that birth control pills make it okay to have sex without a condom. Young women can be incredibly trusting, and they may not realize the danger they are putting themselves in by assuming their boyfriend isn’t sleeping with anyone else. This is how disease is spread.
Importance of Safe Sex
As a parent, you can’t count on your teen’s teachers to educate him or her on the importance of safe sex. It’s your job to discuss these things in a way your teen will understand and take seriously.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Teen Pregnancy is at a Low, But Prevention is Still Important appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 21, 2014
Real Beauty in an Ugly World: Helping Your Teen Daughter Realize Her Worth
The way our society defined a “beautiful woman” was very different a few decades ago. For example, Marylin Monroe, one of the most iconic beauties of all time, would be considered fat by today’s standards. Not only is this disturbing, but as our standard of beauty continues to become less attainable, it’s getting dangerous.
All day every day, the media bombards our young daughters with the message that anyone who isn’t skinny and perfect is worthless. As a result, eating disorders, depression and body dysmorphia are all on the rise. As parents, we must fight these messages. If we don’t help our daughters understand a realistic idea of beauty, no one will.
1. The Images on Television Are Not Real
One important point to drill into your daughter’s mind is the fact that nothing she sees on television, movies or magazines is real. There is a science to beauty in Hollywood and none of it has much to do with the actual appearance of the actress or model. Advanced lighting, makeup techniques and computer touch ups all work together to create an illusion of perfection. Always remind your daughter that her favorite actress gets pimples, bad hair days and struggles with her weight just as much as everyone else. Check out this video.
2. Picture-Perfect Bodies Are Not Always Healthy
Celebrities are not immune to the damaging effects of the pressure to be perfect. Look at Demi Lovato, a beautiful young woman who is now in recovery from an eating disorder. Many celebrities have spoken out about the unrealistic standard of beauty in Hollywood and the unhealthy things they have done to lose weight.
3. True Beauty Comes From Uniqueness
Health and physical beauty are factors when it comes to overall attractiveness, but they are not the biggest factors. What makes a woman truly beautiful is her uniqueness, her personality and her confidence. Some of the most gorgeous women in Hollywood do not have bodies like the women in Sports Illustrated. Consider women like Meryl Streep, Drew Barrymore or Jennifer Lawrence, all of whom have curves and imperfections but are adored for their unique personalities and talents. Some people may drool over the model-perfect types, but it’s the women who remain driven and develop amazing careers for themselves who really earn our respect and admiration.
It can be difficult to help your daughter build confidence, but you can begin by allowing her the freedom to explore her passions. The more she explores, the more likely she will discover her natural talents and abilities. When girls have strong interests and passions, they grow in confidence and become more present in their own identity. This results in needing less affirmation from other people.
As parents, we must teach our children to set realistic goals and be open to positive growth, both physically and mentally. For example, if your daughter suffers from low self-esteem due to a legitimate weight problem, you must teach her healthy ways of becoming more active without sending the message that her weight defines who she is. Always remind her that she will be loved and valued despite any flaws that she might have, and continue to reinforce that message by supporting and praising her accomplishments.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Real Beauty in an Ugly World: Helping Your Teen Daughter Realize Her Worth appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 19, 2014
Stop Making Excuses and Start Taking Risks: How to Get Over The Fear of Failure
In life, some of the greatest rewards come from taking the greatest risks. You don’t want to experience the disappointment and heartbreak that can come with not accomplishing something you set out to do, but if you allow this fear to stop you from trying, you could miss out on a lot of what life has to offer. Unfortunately, for many people, this is exactly what happens. The fear of failure becomes paralyzing, and instead of trying, they tell themselves not to bother.
Many people also blame others for their lack of success. It isn’t hard to do this. Almost anyone can look back on their life and find moments when other people stood in their way. Maybe you had a mother who constantly told you that you weren’t good at anything. Maybe you went for a new job and felt discriminated against. Maybe someone hurt you in such a way that it scared you from ever trying something new again. Even if others have wronged you and hindered your success, blaming them for your current circumstances won’t get you anywhere. Life isn’t always fair, and it’s up to you to forge your own path. Whatever excuses you have made, you must cast them aside and be willing to try again. One way to help yourself do this is to look at the positives that can come with taking big risks.
Taking Risks Can Make You More Confident
Every time you take a risk, you could end up failing. However, you also develop confidence. Risks take courage, and being a courageous person is something to feel good about even if you fail.
Taking Risks Can Help You Learn
Every time you try and fail, you learn how to improve your efforts for next time. Life experience is something that you must earn. It can’t be bought or given. Therefore, each time you take a risk, you become a better, stronger person for it.
Taking Risks Can Help You Own Your Mistakes
Learning how to own mistakes is a skill that few people know these days. If you try and fail, you should own it. Be proud that you tried and be willing to admit where you went wrong. The only way to learn from our mistakes, is to admit we made one. This will also help you cultivate self-esteem and become more assertive, two qualities that successful people possess. It’s important to realize that everyone fails from time to time and that failing once doesn’t mean you will fail in the future. In fact, in certain lines of work, such as writing or acting, you are almost guaranteed to fail on your first try. The bigger your dream and the more competitive your field, the greater the risk of failure. However, if your dream is truly important to you, the reward of eventually succeeding will always be worth it.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Stop Making Excuses and Start Taking Risks: How to Get Over The Fear of Failure appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 14, 2014
Teenagers and Depression: The Best Way to Help Your Child
Every year, 2 million young people attempt to end their life in the United States, and many of them require hospitalization for the injuries they receive as a result. Sadly, based on statistics from the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System, approximately 2,000 of these suicide attempts are successful.
Why is Your Teenager Depressed?
The adolescent years are typically difficult, but some kids have a harder time than others. Statistics show that teenage females develop depression twice as often as males, and those who have grown up with physical or emotional abuse, chronic health problems or a family member with depression are also at risk. However, just because your child had a happy life and a positive living environment, you shouldn’t assume that he or she is immune to the disorder.
Signs to Watch Out For
A depressed teen and a suicidal teen are two very different things. Some people suffer from depression and never think of suicide, and some may seem happy on the surface but are secretly planning their way out.
If your teen has ever had a prior suicide attempt, you should naturally be more watchful over him or her, especially if you see indications of hopelessness, substance abuse, impulsive tendencies, aggression or self-harming practices. If your teen has recently experienced a major loss of any sort, including the suicide of a friend or family member, you should be extra careful. You should also check your teen’s Internet habits. These days, blogs and forums devoted to the “romance” of depression, self-harm and suicide are popping up everywhere. It is easy for a depressed teen to be inspired to do terrible things witnessing peers doing the same.
Important Not to Panic
As a parent, it’s your number one job to protect your teen and keep him or her alive. This means that when dealing with suicidal depression, it’s crucial that you control your own emotions and provide a strong, nurturing support system for your child. If you get upset or angry upon hearing suicidal thoughts or seeing evidence of self-harm, it could not only discourage your child from ever coming to you again, it could cause an incredible amount of guilt that will add to the depression. Suffering from depression is bad enough without worrying about the toll it takes on parents.
Even if you feel overwhelmed at times, it’s important to reassure your child that his or her depression, no matter how bad, is nothing you can’t deal with. Create a support system of family, doctors and therapists, and work together to help your teen through this problem. Many depressed teens get the help they need to move on to live beautiful, successful lives. With the right help, your child can be one of them.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Teenagers and Depression: The Best Way to Help Your Child appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 11, 2014
The Risks of Teen Sex: Three Reasons to Wait
If you’re nervous now that your daughter is beginning to talk about boys in a romantic light, no one would blame you. These days, teenagers are growing up faster than ever, and the highly sexual imagery that is constantly coming from the media doesn’t help. It can be difficult to control your daughter’s every move, but you can attempt to help her understand what it would truly mean to become pregnant as a teenager.
1. Losing Her Reputation
Gossip has always traveled fast amongst teenagers, but now that we live in a world with social media, gossip is not only instantaneous but plastered on the Internet for the entire world to see. If your daughter were to have sex with a boy, it’s more than likely that the entire school would soon know about it. If she were to become pregnant, her reputation would forever be scarred. She may think that she doesn’t care what others think of her, but reputation can go a long way toward helping her create a good future. What if one of her teachers was considering writing her a letter of recommendation for college but changed his mind after discovering she was pregnant?
2. Losing Her Self-Esteem
Ask your daughter to imagine how it would feel to have sex with a boy she likes and be ignored by him the next day. Not only that, but ask her to picture what it would be like to have that same boy, who seemed to have such adoration for her before, call her a slut, tell people that she wasn’t even good and other such mockery. Unfortunately, this happens to girls every day. Not all boys are so cruel, but if she has only known the boy a short time, there is no way to know how he will react after they have sex. Some boys only enjoy the chase and feel content with throwing the girl away afterward.
3. Losing Her Innocence
Deciding what to do about an unplanned pregnancy is extremely difficult, let alone for a teenage girl. There simply are no good options in this situation. Keeping the baby could turn out to be the right thing, but it will be a long, hard and often lonely road, and going this route will be asking a lot of you as a mother. Giving the baby up for adoption is a brave and honest choice, but it will also likely be extremely difficult. Abortion is an option, but even if your daughter is pro-choice, you should try to get her to understand that abortion is a very scary, painful and emotionally disturbing procedure. Women who have abortions are often still suffering from the emotional and physical consequences many years later. It certainly is not an easy out.
As a parent, the best thing you can do is talk to your daughter about these issues before you find yourself facing them. Discourage sex, but be open to discussing the use of condoms and other forms of birth control. Hopefully your daughter will make the smart choice and abstain, but if she doesn’t, she will have the information she needs to protect herself.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post The Risks of Teen Sex: Three Reasons to Wait appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 7, 2014
Shocking Teenage Partying: The Dangers Are Worse Than Ever
Teenagers have always thrown parties, but as the recent generations have begun their ascent toward adulthood, things have reached a new level. Gone are the days when teens sneaking a cigarette or stealing a beer from the fridge were a parent’s biggest concerns. Now, hardcore binge drinking, drug use, date rape and exploitation are all common occurrences, and the scary part is, teenagers seem to be getting used to it.
The Danger of Drinking Games: Beer Pong is Just The Beginning
Drinking games such as “beer pong,” which encourage teens to binge on alcohol, are now commonplace among the high school and college crowd. Their popularity makes it even harder for teens to avoid drinking. If everyone at the party is participating, the non-drinkers will find themselves sitting on the sidelines.
Binge drinking can lead to poor decisions, embarrassment and even death by alcohol poisoning, but teens still find themselves longing to take part. You probably shudder at the thought of your daughter being taken advantage of at a party, but lowered inhibitions due to drinking games can easily lead it to happen.
The Role of Social Media: No Escape From Bad Decisions
The affects of social media on our culture have us reeling as a society, and parents are still learning to deal. One challenging aspect is the fact that social media makes it easier than ever for teens to communicate. Remember the days when you had to call your friend’s house and ask to speak with her? Now, all teenagers have to do is message each other on Facebook the moment someone’s parents go out of town, and the party is on.
Social media presents another problem as well: providing an outlet for exploitation, bullying and abuse. It would be bad enough for a young girl to get drunk and embarrass herself at a party, but now she has to deal with the fact that she’s likely being filmed and photographed. Once something is uploaded online, it lasts forever, which makes taking party in the party culture a bigger risk than ever for teens.
Teenagers want to socialize. That will likely not change. However, as parents, it’s important for us to set realistic rules and boundaries. If possible, don’t go out of town and leave your teenager alone. He or she is still essentially a child, and although you may have a lot of trust between you, it’s important to realize that all children are capable of being swayed by peer pressure. Always talk to your kids about the dangers of drugs, sex and alcohol, and help them understand that the results of some decisions can last forever.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Shocking Teenage Partying: The Dangers Are Worse Than Ever appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 4, 2014
Is it Love or Just a Crush? Respecting Your Teen’s Feelings on Relationships
The beginning of the dating years is a time that most parents dread. You want your teen to feel attractive and find success in love, but you don’t want these things to stand in the way of schoolwork and other responsibilities. You also don’t want your teen to get in too deep and end up completely crushed when this “love” turns out to be just another high-school fling.
Support Feelings, Not Situations
You may not believe that your teen’s relationship will end up a marriage, and you may even flat-out feel that it’s a huge waste of time. However, you should still support your teen’s feelings. Whether or not the relationship is wise is irrelevant. What matters is that your teen truly believes it to be an important part of life. If you shrug off these feelings as silly, you will only distance yourself from your child. You don’t necessarily have to support the relationship itself to be supportive.
Remember When You Were Young
Do you still remember being a teenager? If so, you likely can recall the first time you ever had real feelings for someone. Even if this didn’t happen for you until you reached adulthood, it’s important to recognize that teenagers are just as capable of love and admiration as adults. Your child is young, but that doesn’t mean he or she can’t feel something real. Be respectful of your teen’s feelings, and you are more likely to have a deeper relationship as you both grow older.
Use The Opportunity as a Springboard
A dating teen can actually be a good thing. For one, it’s a lot better to see it happen than to sit there dreading it. Secondly, it can also be a great way to initiate the first major conversation about sex and protection. These things are never easy to talk about, but your child is growing up, and it’s good to go with the flow, and get tidbits of wisdom across whenever and wherever you can.
It can be terrifying when your teen begins dating and having sex, but the sooner you can accept it as a reality, the easier you will deal with it. Talking about protection is crucial, but perhaps more importantly, we must get our teens to love themselves so they can respect themselves and choose to wait on being sexual. Teens who love themselves and have positive mentors are much more likely to make smart decisions regarding sex, love and relationships.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post Is it Love or Just a Crush? Respecting Your Teen’s Feelings on Relationships appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
February 1, 2014
Mentor’s Have Been Proven To Help Teens Succeed In Their Lives!
As parents, we are the primary influences in our children’s lives, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t equally important for teens to have other adults they can bounce things off of. Even teens who have a great relationship with their parents won’t necessarily come to them with every little problem, and knowing your child has another trusted adult to turn to may help relax you a bit.
1. Having a Mentor Helps With Self-Esteem
When teens see that teachers, pastors or other members of the community are taking an active interest in their future, it reminds them of their worth. This is important, because teens are bombarded with many negative messages from the media and their peers on a daily basis. Being confident can help your teen make better decisions about how to be happy in life. A mentor will also talk to them about the practicalities of how to develop self-esteem and become empowered. It is also important for your teen to be able to express all of her feelings without worrying about upsetting you. We don’t want our teens stuffing their feelings and have it come out in a harmful way. If they have a place where they can express themselves honestly, they learn to have better communication skills as well.
2. Having a Mentor Gives Your Teen an Edge
There is a belief out in the world that as we mature we will organically develop self-esteem. This isn’t correct or there wouldn’t be so many adults making poor decisions. True we can learn from hard knocks, but wouldn’t you want to give your teen a great head start? Why wouldn’t you want them to go into college with a better sense of self, instead of learning through bad decisions while they aren’t under your wing. An added bonus is that your teen will be able to use mentoring on his or her resume as something they have done to better themselves.
3. Having a Mentor Creates a Trusted Place to Turn
You want your teen to come to you with every problem, but if it doesn’t happen, it’s good to know that she will have someone with their best interest at heart to talk to. Friends are great but it’s kind-of like the blind leading the blind. A good mentor will be able to guide your teen on subjects she may be uncomfortable talking to you about. Talking with your teen’s mentor will give you a new perspective on your child’s life and the mentor can keep you better informed about how your teen is really doing. A good mentor also encourages the teen to go to the parent with tough situations.
4. Having a Mentor Can Help Your Teen Through a Tough Spot
Every person on Earth has lived through their own set of experiences and has unique advice to share. You can offer your teen many words of wisdom, but a mentor may be able to help her in a way you can’t. You are emotionally involved and because of this, fears come up with certain situations regarding your teen. A mentor is detached and therefore doesn’t react. If you can accept this and be thankful for the mentor, you will be able to support your teen with greater ease.
The truth is, people of all ages can benefit from having a mentor, but teens are at an especially critical stage in their development. It’s important that as parents, we give them everything we can, but it’s also crucial that we surround them with a variety of adults who may prove to be a positive influence.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
The post Mentor’s Have Been Proven To Help Teens Succeed In Their Lives! appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
January 29, 2014
The Importance of The Right Teacher: Is Your Child Being Treated With Respect?
The other day at lunch, a friend and I were trying to figure out the proper amount to tip. I wished for a calculator, and she shared a story with me about why she’s so terrible at math.
My friend said that when she was in school, a teacher made fun of her while she was having trouble doing a math problem on the board. The entire class laughed, and that experience traumatized her so severely that she has trouble attempting math problems to this day.
Embarrassment Can Last a Lifetime
I had a similar unpleasant experience in my eighth-grade Spanish class. For whatever reason, I had a tendency to get really bad hiccups in this class, and my teacher, Mr. Felix, felt it necessary to stand me up in front of everyone and ask me what the problem was, to which I could only respond, “I don’t know.” This embarrassment happened every time I got the hiccups, which was nearly every day, and I still suffer from an intense aversion to the Spanish language. I’ve both studied and been exposed to it over the years, and I just can’t seem to pick it up.
Be Watchful and Critical of Your Child’s Teachers
Teachers are only human beings, and we can’t expect them to be perfect. However, being a teacher is a huge responsibility, and people shouldn’t take the job unless they are fully committed to helping students learn and grow the best they can. Purposefully humiliating students is not a proper educational technique. It can clearly backfire, making students angry and resistant to learning about the subject for the rest of their lives.
You Are Your Child’s Main Teacher
They always say it takes an entire village to raise a child, which means that your child’s education is not something you can blindly trust his or her teachers to take care of. You must always be watchful of the teachers that come into your child’s life. If you see signs of improper treatment, purposeful embarrassment or any other inappropriate behavior, don’t hesitate to schedule a parent-teacher conference. If that doesn’t go as well as you hope, request that your child be placed in a different class.
Sometimes, a clash between student and teacher just comes down to mismatched chemistry. If your child gets into a class with a teacher he or she finds more enjoyable, there will be a better chance for improved grades in the future.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post The Importance of The Right Teacher: Is Your Child Being Treated With Respect? appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
January 25, 2014
What Energy Are You Creating? Three Reasons to Shift Your Thinking to The Positive
Have you ever stopped to question what energy you are putting out in the world or how this might affect your life? One of the deepest truths about life is that ‘you get what you give.’ This saying has been around a long time and for a good reason: Your beliefs and behaviors, above any outside circumstances, will affect what happens to you in life. Therefore, if you are constantly gossiping about others, being catty or whining about the negative things you have to deal with, you will see other gossipy, catty and whiny people all around you in society. However, if you can switch your mentality to become present in the moment and begin making a conscious effort to control what you think and say, you will be amazed at the way things can change. Being conscious not to spread negativity can shift things on many levels.
1. Your Tolerance For Negativity Will Go Down
Some people are addicted to negative energy. You probably know the type: They constantly complain about drama yet are always guilty of manifesting it themselves. These people feed on unpleasantness, and they can be very draining to be around. You will find that the more you make an effort to be positive, the more you will lose tolerance for such people and begin to filter them out of your life.
2. You Will Begin to Attract Better Things
Our minds are more connected to the world around us than science can currently explain, but the idea that we attract more of what we focus on seems to be a broadly accepted truth. As you become more positive, you will begin to notice little things going your way, from receiving a raise at work to finding a new love.
3. You Will Become More Grateful
One of the best things about positivity is that it comes with a snowball effect. The more you choose to be positive and express gratitude, the more you will notice things to be thankful for! From the beautiful view outside your bedroom window to the smell of coffee roasting in your coffee maker, work each morning on being thankful for the little things, and you will find yourself growing more thankful as the day goes on.
Whether you are a parent dealing with a difficult teen or a teen who is struggling to get through your transition into adulthood, you are responsible for each and every moment of your day. Some people are dealt a rougher hand than others, but if you keep yourself in a victim mentality, you will be more likely to continue experiencing yourself as a victim. It’s easy to sit back and blame others for your circumstances, but in reality, there is no one responsible for the way our lives end up aside from ourselves.
Keep Loving Yourself, Debra
Would you like to improve your relationship with your teen? Sign up and talk to me for FREE Click Here To Start
The post What Energy Are You Creating? Three Reasons to Shift Your Thinking to The Positive appeared first on Empowered Teens and Parents.
Debra Beck's Blog
