Stephan Pastis's Blog, page 31

What Happens When You Visit a Rival Syndicate Unannounced

For those that haven't yet seen the video of my not-so-great visit to Universal Press Syndicate to get them to endorse my latest book, "Pearls Sells Out."

Just click HERE.

My Latest Video Masterpiece

I've created something called a Facebook fan page.  The best part about it is you don't have to have a Facebook account to view it.

So click HERE to see my latest video masterpiece.

If you are a Facebook member, please click the "become a fan" link once you're there.

Your Maintenance Light Is On

The maintenance light on my Honda Accord went on this morning.  It says, "B12."

I looked up what "B12″ means in my owner's manual.  It says I have to get my tires rotated.

So each of my tires has to get moved to a new place on my car.  My front left tire will go to the back right.  My front right to the back left.

I'm thinking we should do this with relatives.

You will get mine.  I will get yours.

All the same rationales for tire rotation apply to relatives.

For example, tire rotation is necessary bec

The Culinary Delight I Call My Keyboard

I am staring down at my Mac keyboard pondering what to write.  And I am distracted.

Distracted because the sides of the keyboard are clear.

And I can't help noticing one thing:

There is more food under those keys than there is in my cupboard.

I suppose I should be disturbed.  But all I can think is that if there's is widespread famine in this country, I could suck the Cheese-puff remnants out of my keyboard for days.

There is comfort in that.

Et tu, old man?

I don't like to leave my house.  People are out there.

I don't like people.

But yesterday I looked out my front window and saw a huge fallen tree branch lying on our lawn near the sidewalk.  I walked outside to see what tree it had broken off from.  I was not wearing shoes.

As I was standing there, an old man came walking down the sidewalk.  He was very frail and walked extremely slow.

I stepped off the sidewalk to let him pass.  I nodded hello.

He stopped and looked down at me feet.

"Do your feet hur

The Book That Will Change Your Life is Here

At long last, the next Pearls Treasury is now available.  You can buy it in stores or HERE on Amazon.  It has my commentary below many of the strips, and also contains a number of previously unpublished strips.  Plus, it contains my first-ever published drawing (It's not good, but hey, I was only 12).

The book is guaranteed to change your life.

And by change your life, I mean you will have $16.99 less in your pocket after you buy it.

Here is the cover:

The Controversy That Wasn't

I've always wanted to get Pearls on TV.

Just not this way.

The strip in question is yesterday's, and the panel in question is this one, which you can see here:

Apparently, certain readers think they see the "f" word appearing twice in this panel.  Personally, I can't see it, and I know it was not in the strip as I created it.  The only thing I can think of is that the way in which certain newspapers compressed the strip resulted in the "f" word appearing.  If you are readers of either the St. Louis

Chickens, Asses and Garage Doors

There are chickens in my garage.

There are six of them.  They are young.  And they are in a cardboard box.

My wife Staci put them there.  I do not know what she is doing.  I fear it's some strange, middle-age thing.  I will have to buy a medical book and see if women who turn forty start collecting chickens in their garage.

All  I know right now is this:  It is disorienting to be confronted by live chickens when you leave the house in the morning.  Granted, they are in a box and they are small.  Bu

There's No Such Thing as a Stupid Question

My wife Staci doesn't ask me to do many things.  She's says I'm more trouble than it's worth.

I don't know what that means, but on Sunday she asked me to go to Walmart to get her photos and to pick up a metal bracket for a filing cabinet.

I didn't know what a "metal bracket for a filing cabinet" was, so she showed me by opening the drawer of our filing cabinet.  They're the metal bars that the hanging files hang from.

I asked her if you had to buy the hanging folders with the metal bracket and she

I Am This Close to Being Single Again

When I first got my cell phone about two years ago, I downloaded a bunch of ringtones.  Mostly songs.

When the phone would ring, the cell phone would somehow assign different songs to different callers.  If it was from someone I knew, it was one song.  If it was from someone with no caller ID, it was another.  And certain people seemed to have their own specific songs.  Maybe it's something I did when downloading the songs.  I don't know.  But it seems very random.

Long story short, I have gotten