Stephan Pastis's Blog, page 35

If You Think My Radio Interviews are Obnoxious…

Tonight, I get to be on my first ever live webcast at 7 pm PST. The webcast is for the launch of a book called “Whatever Happened to the World of Tomorrow” by Brian Fies. Brian won the coveted Eisner Award in 2005 for his book “Mom’s Cancer.” Come, watch me make an ass of myself.

The Disorienting Effects of Early Morning Perkiness

Last week, I stood in an airport security line at 5:30 a.m.

The man behind me in the security line was whistling.

It was an act against God, nature and eternal goodness.

Angered and disoriented by this stranger’s perky arrogance, I entered the men’s room.  And there, I witnessed a second act against God and nature:

A woman standing in my men’s room.

Short-haired and stocky, she was just androgynous enough for me to question if I’d pegged her sex wrong.  Trying not to stare, I made the turn from the s

The Woman Who Took All the Words

Flew back from Hollywood yesterday and wanted to let you know that if any of you are having trouble speaking today, I know why.

The woman sitting across from me on the plane used up all the words.

She sat with her friend during the flight.  Their husbands sat in a different row.  That should have been a red flag.

She never once shut her mouth.  She talked coming down the aisle, talked when we were awaiting take-off, talked during the take-off, talked during the drink service, talked during landing,

For Some Reason, I Wouldn’t Stop Talking

Gave an interview on Monday that was supposed to last twenty minutes.  But somewhere in the midst of it, I somehow fell in love with the sound of my own voice and wouldn’t shut up.  So I talked about which cartoonists I could beat up; ripped into Star Trek; threw in a Magellan reference; invited 500 strangers onto a boat I don’t own; swore like a drunken sailor; talked about how my wife is a jinx; and threw in references to sex, smoking and Kill Bill.

Just click the following words:  “Stephan Mak

My Attractiveness at Airports

I have to fly to L.A. on Thursday.  And this brings up an issue.

I never once have been asked out by a woman working the security line at an airport.  They always just stare blankly at me.  Sometimes there is a twinge of sadness in their eye.

And now I know why.

Ethics, the Old Woman and My Coffee

Last week, I found myself walking toward the front door of my local Starbucks at the same time as an eighty-something-year-old woman.  We were approaching the door from different angles, but given that we were the only two persons headed toward the door, it probably appeared to a neutral observer that I was racing her.

Which I was.

You see, my big cartoonist brain told me at that moment that old people  take exponentially longer to take money from their purse.  Plus, they like to talk to the perso

Today’s Mission: Stupid

Today I need to write a whole bunch of croc strips.

Must think stupid.

I know what you’re thinking:  Not a difficult task for me.

While this is true, I think the croc strips are the hardest for me to write.  Rat and Pig come much more naturally to me.   Rat’s voice is effectively my voice.  If I could, I’d write for Rat every day.

But it’s not the same with the crocs.  Their jokes tend to be more visual and physical, so the art matters more.  Plus, I can’t just give them any thought I want to, like

Pearls Goes to Iraq

Challenging the Pearls Roadster for pure dedication, this Pearls fan in Erbil, Iraq has placed Rat and Pig on a sign overlooking a children’s soccer field.    And if my Arabic is correct, I believe those words below “Ainkawa Football Academy” translate roughly to, “Thank you, Stephan Pastis, for lending us your characters, which have helped bring peace and joy to our country.  Your keen sense of humor is invaluable to the formation of a stable Iraq.”

I Have Hit Upon Something Huge Here

I’ve noticed that all my problems have one thing in common:  They are caused by other people.

Armed with that knowledge, I have conducted my life with one central tenet in mind:

Avoid people.  Especially the ones you know.

Key to this strategy is the drive-thru line at my local Starbucks.  Instead of encountering a minimum of twenty other humans, you encounter just one, the person who works the window.  Encountering just one person instead of twenty eliminates 19 possible problems.  That has win al

Introducing The Pearls Roadster

Just in time for the new 2010 line of cars, I’d like to introduce…

…the Pearls Roadster:

Well, they’re not in commercial production. Yet.

But this Pearls fan in Colorado made one for himself.

Here’s the view from the back, where I see he’s even got Danny Donkey and Snuffles on there.

And for bonus points, he’s even got the four Pearls plush ready to be blown away by some huge stereo woofers.

If you can top this man for sheer Pearls-devotion, send along the photos and I’ll post them here.  Provided the