Maureen Scanlon's Blog

Paying More Attention Can Help Reprogram Your Mind

Here are three tips to encourage focus, paying more attention, and being present from Life Coach Maureen, so you can reap the benefits.

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Focus on These Self Pillars to Live Life For YOU

Self confidence, self esteem, and self image: Life Coach Maureen shares how these self pillars can help you live your best life.

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Supply and Demanding People Got You Down?

I’ve recently noticed a trend in what’s happening in society. Although we are talking about inclusivity and encouraging kindness, there’s still a lot of judgement and criticism spilling out. 

Let’s take, for example, gas prices. The oil industry is made up of lots of moving parts; from place of origin, to the involvement of the drilling company, to the transportation industry, and gas stations. Everyone has an interest and the interest is to get the largest amount of money for the demand. This understanding seems to go to the wayside when it hits our wallets, and the easiest people to blame are the ones in power. Politics aside, as humans we tend to blame the person with the power, or who we think has the power.  In the same way, we see others doing things differently and we judge or criticize. We might even project our failures and dump them on those who seem to have it all together. If you often feel criticized or judged by others, here are several steps to take to not let it affect you:Check the “Who”

Who is judging and criticizing? Is it someone I trust? Do they uplift and support me or is it a pattern of their behavior? How does this person affect my life? Do they pay my bills or affect my overall wellbeing? 

… and the “What?”

Be sure to question this: “Is what is being said, true? Can I take an honest look at myself? Does the person judging me know me well enough to have an opinion of me? Do they have all of the facts? Do they live my life?”

Analyze Yourself

If you speak negatively about yourself or use self-deprecating humor, you may be inviting others to do the same. Try speaking positively about yourself and others will pick up on it as well. Perhaps you even plant a seed for them to do the same.

Evaluate What Really Matters

Ask yourself, “How much do these words matter? Do I want to give energy, time, happiness, and power to someone else’s opinion of me? Is there something better I could focus on and give my thoughts to?”

Remember that you have a choice to let any information into your mind. The choosing gives you power and keeps you focused on what serves you best, don’t let anyone dull your shine. You can’t outperform your self-image so be sure to build it where no one can diminish it.  Love and Blessings, Maureen Scanlon

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Refurbishing: Not Just For Old Furniture

I’ve recently started a new hobby: furniture upcycling! This entails taking old furniture and making it new or repurposing it for a different use. 

There is a lot of work in the process. When I first started, I would just go straight to painting. Unfortunately, it would chip, peel, or appear messy. I then researched and found I had to clean, sand, secure, prep, paint and finally, protect each piece with a topcoat. 

As I was working on an old chair recently, I got a splinter in my hand. I used a pair of tweezers, put antibiotic cream on it, but it stayed in there. I figured it would come out eventually, but every time I moved my hand it was there; a nagging little pinch and it became painful! I begin realizing this is very much like our mental health and healing! You can’t just jump the steps; it’s a process. It doesn’t just go away. Painful experiences just sit there until you dig in. You must start the journey, trust the process, and do the work for the result you desire.  Most of us have had situations and experiences in life that were unpleasant, possibly traumatic, and surely painful. The flight response is common: if I ignore it, it will go away. But that is not so.  In coaching, almost every client I have brings forward the “events” that formed them and why they behave or think as they do today. Working through these moments is like “sanding down” the emotional detachment to them. As we uncover things we didn’t realize had affected us subconsciously, we diminish the effects they have on our life.  

YOU are the project. YOU are the one willing and able to take the steps to beautify the life you’ve been given. 

Here are a few tips on how to start “your project”:

Sit down and evaluate how you feel.
I mean, when you think of your childhood, are you angry? When you think of a friend or partner who betrayed you, do you feel unworthy? These are the things to start with.Find a way to resolve the issue.
Thanks, Captain Obvious, but hear me out… If you’re angry, would writing a letter to the person about your feelings help? How about just in your journal, spill it all just for your own release? Can you sit with someone and have an honest conversation?Prioritize.
For the instances that hurt or disappointed you, decipher the importance it has on your current life. Will holding on to this help me or hurt me? Will it prevent me from enjoying me life? Finding a relationship? Reuniting with family members?Forgive for yourself.
The old cliche, yes, however, it helps to heal us when we forgive and decide to let go of what is not in our “circle of control.” Other people, situations, and the past are all out of your scope. You control your words, feelings, thoughts and actions.  You can do this, you just need to get started (the hardest part). Don’t let your Mental Health go to the landfill, choose to repurpose and renew your mindset. 

 

Love and Blessings,
Life Coach Maureen

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New Year: Less Pressure & More Achievement

After the ball drops at midnight, you wake up the next morning and find yourself dissecting your life.

“I haven’t achieved this yet,” “I should be further along in my life by now.” Sound familiar? What is it about a new year that makes us reflect and even judge ourselves for where we are?

While “motivational” quotes may have good intentions in spirit, they can actually make you feel inadequate.

I see people in my family struggle each year and say they will “start new” or that, “this will be their year.” It baffles me because the pressure to complete something in a year after a lifetime of slowly learning experience by experience is how we grow. Sometimes it’s setting yourself up for failure when you don’t focus on little steps. 

My son, Noah, uses a cute saying to help himself with this concept, “don’t eat the whole hippo, just take a bite at a time.’ Similarly, I tell my coaching clients not to look at the mountain, but the first step on the trail.

If you find yourself putting big expectations and pressure on yourself, step back and plan for a day, week, and monthly goal. Setting intentions and vision boards are wonderful tools that give you the “ease” of taking time to achieve. 

Here are some more tips on how to accomplish your desires a little at a time.Gratitude Compounding

Each day add something to a journal that you achieved from the day before, no matter how small it may be, acknowledge your efforts.

Task Setting

Each day set 5 tasks to accomplish. Complete them throughout the day, taking small breaks to step away and do something enjoyable in between.

Bonus Points*

When you complete the 5 tasks. You may add more, but these are considered “extra accomplishments”. It’s a perception to your mind that you are productive and proud of yourself.

Timelines

I’m a firm believer in setting a time line for a goal. It helps alleviate procrastination. It also allows the breaking up into smaller steps to achieve it.

Give Yourself a Break

When you focus on having fun, being at peace, living at ease, you’ll find that inspiration and ideas come easier. Don’t compare yourself to others, you have your own pace and race to run. Take time for self-care, meditation, and vacations. Let go of the hustle mentality and learn to focus on things that bring joy and laughter.

Make your yearly mantra or word, “flow” or “ease” so you set the tone for your life and your vision.
Relax and enjoy the ride of life, focus on what legacy you will leave, one of stress and always working, or will you be an inspiration to others to life a life of joy and happiness- The choice is yours.

 

Happy New Year!

Love and Blessings,
Life Coach Maureen

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Does Your Partner Feel More Like a Roommate?

In my Relationship Coaching, I’ve found couples  in the beginning stages trying to figure out if they should move forward, or married couples ready to throw in the towel. There is usually one common problem: neither are putting the relationship first.  I am twice divorced, now happily married to the man of my dreams, and I can say this was also an issue for my previous relationships. Life got busy and the last thing I could think of was connecting with my spouse at the time… hence, the divorces. It’s not that I didn’t want my relationships to work, it’s just I had other things to worry about. That is until my biggest worry was overcoming the financial and emotional struggle of divorce.  We tend to take relationships for granted, assuming the person will be there no matter what. Unfortunately, when needs go unmet, resentments build, and finally it’s too exhausting to stay in it. Over time we just stop nurturing the bond and effort that we gave in the beginning. Just like a garden, if you don’t tend to it, it will not survive.  In my book, “My Dog Is My Relationship Coach”, Chapter 1 is titled, “Why are we together.” It presents questions that deep dive into assessing why you are with your partner; is it superficial, convenience, or soul connected? Here are some ways to maintain your connection and nurture your relationship on a regular basis so each person feels heard, respected, and loved.  Details Matter

Ask your partner about their dreams, fears, likes, and dislikes. Childhood favorites and food preferences. It shows your partner you care about what they care about.  

Speak It

Validating your partner and expressing your appreciation for them goes along way! Notice the small things, thank them for a daily chore they did. Just acknowledging your partner’s strengths will make them feel noticed and special. 

Be Blessed (Not Stressed)

When things get stressful, turn toward one another for support. Don’t deal with it alone, you are not single. Building trust during the hard times bonds you during the good times. 

Decisions, Decisions

Share in life’s decisions. Be transparent about choices that affect both of you. Ask your partner for advice and show respect of their opinions (even if they don’t match yours) 

Let’s Meet

I encourage all my couple clients to sit down at the end of day and check-in with something called “couch time.” Ask, how they are feeling? What was good about their day? What was frustrating? How are they feeling physically (have empathy). Make eye contact, remove distractions, hold hands, or rub their shoulders. This validates that you are a “safe space”, and honesty is appreciated and welcomed. 

Plan Time Together

This is crucial to maintaining your strongest union. Create rituals for the two of you such as coffee each morning or working out together. Schedule intimacy (yes, I said it). Plan weekly date nights even if it’s just ordering in and sitting on the couch relaxing. When it becomes a routine, you won’t forget to make time for it. 

When you view your relationship as a priority, keep these ideas as a reminder to try one each day. Just like a car needs maintenance, gas, and repairs, a relationship doesn’t run itself either.  Remember that you are a team, and you have the same “end goal” which is to have a healthy, happy life with a fulfilling and uplifting partner.

Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level? Get in touch today to get started with a free 15 minute clarity call!

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Business Coaching: Start a Dream, Find a Purpose

Start a Dream, Find a Purpose When I first began Coaching, I started it as I was also working at a Corporate job I had been at for 20+ years. I can honestly say I didn’t really believe or have the courage to “go all in”. Not that I didn’t believe in it, I did. I was passionate, excited, and driven. I just had a “stuck” mindset that I could have the freedom and ability to do it full time! I doubted my abilities as well. I remember saying, I can’t coach on business because I work for someone else.  Boy, was I wrong! 

My 20+ years of experience in the corporate career gave me so much experience to help others. I had supervised employees, I had created new processes, I had HR knowledge, I worked with Six Sigma on incorporating effective changes in my department, I had challenges with bosses, employees, and feeling “unsatisfied”. By living these workplace moments, I gained a huge knowledge of how to coach in business. 

Now that my Coaching business is a success (in our 4th year), I have gained the insight of how starting a business, marketing, and finding your way can be so freeing and joyful. Let’s look at the basis of finding your purpose and turning it into your dream career:  Find your “Why“
Why is this important for you to share with the world? In order to start anything in life, there must be a passion for it. I’ve seen many people jump from business to business trying to throw spaghetti at a wall and see if it sticks. When you are passionate about something, you know it! You would do it for free (no, really) and it’s for a purpose that you feel will be helpful, compassionate, needed, and exciting! In other words, it will float your boat and ring your bell! 

Find your “Who”
Every business, whether you offer products or services, exists for a customer. Who are you trying to help? I advise my clients to write their mission statement first. This is narrowing down the WHO you want to provide your business to. 

The “How” 
So many people (including myself at one time) state, “I don’t know anything about running or starting a business.” Think about this: in your life there were many things you had started that you had no idea how to do. Riding a bike, tying your shoe, going to school. The whole idea of life is to keep learning and challenging ourselves. Trust me, you will figure it out.

Be willing to make mistakes along the way and view them as learning lessons and experience.  My biggest challenge was marketing and sales. I honestly despise sales– I’m not “sales-y,” I don’t like being sold something, and I especially don’t like unsolicited emails, Network groups (the kind that you pay to be a member) and DM’s. I CHOSE to do it differently. I believed by authentically spreading my message, my clients would find me– and they have!

Research and Educate
Although I knew my life’s experiences would be the relatable part of coaching, I also wanted to have tools in my toolbox for my clients. I started taking Psychology courses, going to Webinars and Seminars, and achieving specialized certifications. Do your homework. There are so many courses available online today that are accessible and affordable. Build credibility and knowledge for a confidence boost. Look up competitors in your field, what are they doing well, what would you do differently? We all have a dream or desire. We’ve all said, “I’d love to….”  My gentle nudge today is to go for it; just try! There is more regret in not trying than in trying and failing. Envision your future and dream as you desire it to be, speak as if it has happened, and you’ve already taken the first step!  For small business and Entrepreneur Coaching, schedule a clarity call today. Let’s get brainstorming on your dream!  Love and Blessings, 
Maureen Scanlon 

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A Letter to My Younger Self

As I notice those who are in the under-30 age range, I can’t help but think, “if only I had this wisdom back then.” I see so much courage and strength my younger self didn’t have at that age. It’s what inspires me to do what I do, be the voice my younger self needed. Although I now look back with gratitude for the experiences that brought me to this path of helping others, I wrote a letter to my younger self with the wisdom and experience of a 51 year old woman who has overcome trauma and is confident and happy.

Dear Me,

It will be very hard to comprehend and fully believe what I’m saying, but stay with me…

You will be abused, mistreated, disowned, and will forget who you really are. It’s ok.
You will struggle mentally, physically, and spiritually. It’s ok.

While you go through this, please know you are amazing, you have strength deep down you will discover. You are worthy! You will make mistakes in parenting, you will be misunderstood and judged. Family and friends will turn their backs on you. Please keep going. One day you will release all that doesn’t serve you. You will raise wonderful children and grandchildren who adore you. You will find the twin flame love you seek and he will honor and cherish you! You will start a business, and write books that change peoples’ lives, yes it’s true!

Please believe in yourself, don’t spend too much time on people or situations that hurt you, even though you need the lessons. It’s not selfish to love yourself or take care of your health. Just know that we’ve got this! At every stage, you’re going to be a better and resilient, compassionate and worthy human!

Oh, and I love you!

Write your letter today, speak your truth, and always treat yourself kindly.

Love and Blessings,
Maureen

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Perfectionism is Asking For Failure

Let’s be honest… it is a natural human desire to succeed and feel accomplished. While there is nothing wrong with this, (in fact, it’s what gets us motivated and to act in our lives), I’ve recently seen a trend in those around me, and even in myself. There’s a strong desire to avoid failure– this is the perfectionism belief. 

My daughter, Jordania, has always been a very driven and motivated person. However, as she grew into adulthood, I noticed her anxiety (and even panic attacks) increase as she started to succeed in her career, finances, and making a great life for herself.

The taste of success can inhibit us at times. When we know the feeling of accomplishment, it makes failures feel much worse, therefore instilling a perfectionism belief. What we aren’t grasping quite fully is this: Acceptance and even appreciation of failures. The ability to manage our happiness expectations and say, “that’s ok, I’ll know better next time, or now I know what NOT to do” is really a good tool to have in our mental health toolbox. 

Many times perfectionim comes from the programming of our upbringing and/or surroundings. If you had parents that were very strict or demanding, this inserted a “failure is not an option” mindset.  Or if those you cared about were disappointing and hurtful to you, it may have lent itself to the “I’ll show them” mentality.

Here are some identifiers and steps to overcoming the perfectionism beliefs you may have: 

Identify the behavior and self-talk– Notice the way you tackle your tasks. List areas in your life that you feel perfection is necessary. Then determine if it is possible to have perfectionism in those areas, (hint, it isn’t). 
Realistic Thinking– Replace overly self-critical thoughts with realistic ones, such as “I’m doing the best I can”, “No One is perfect”, or “I’m figuring it all out.”
Set Realistic Goals– Write down your goals, set an attainable timeline, and don’t procrastinate. Procrastination is common in perfectionism thoughts because we only want to do (and have control) over things we KNOW we will succeed at. This is unrealistic as there are no guarantees in life and disappointment, along with unexpected hurdles, leads to frustration and anxiety. 
Evaluate your perspective– Try to see yourself from a 3rd person view. What would you say to a friend who made the same mistake? Is the mistake irreparable or is this a lesson on how to do it differently? Show yourself mercy and kindness like you would a child, family member or friend.

In today’s society, comparison is becoming an epidemic due to social media. We are judging ourselves so harshly based on what we see others succeeding at. It’s a mirage, you are only seeing the best side and not the same struggles you experience. Put blinders on and stay in your lane, in your own race!
See it as a process– All of life’s experiences are a learning process and mistakes are a part of it. They HELP us, not hinder us. Be more at ease in your undertakings, approach with this thought, “I’m excited to see what happens and will accept all that comes with it.”

We are all human beings, not human doings. Your job is to BE and learn. The point of this life is to learn from every single moment, person, and situation. How you view those is up to you-whether it’s with acceptance and ease, or anxiety and expectation.

What will you do differently today to gain a better appreciation for “failure?”

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen Scanlon

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