Maureen Scanlon's Blog, page 4

Parenting: How to Keep Calm and Embrace the Storm During the Holidays

I often ask my followers and clients what topic they would like me to address, today’s suggestion came from close to home: My own daughter who is a mother of 3, faces the challenges of many parents, especially during the busy holiday season.

First of all, that sweet little Christmas picture of everyone in matching outfits smiling in front of the fireplace may look seamless, but let’s be real, it took 40 takes because the kids were pushing each other, someone doesn’t like their outfit, or where they are standing, and the dog probably photo bombed several times.  I look at these moments and I wonder if you’re going to remember the challenges or the smiles. 

I started doing scrapbooking as a hobby years ago, and next to the pictures I like to write the story about when the picture was taken. My son was a very silly and energetic child so there was always a backstory to the moment. In one picture, when he was 6 yrs old,  he had received a haircut, he placed a big chunk of hair under his armpit and said “this is what I will look like as a teenager”. That still makes me laugh today, and he’s now 21 yrs old. I’m certain he will be thrilled with me sharing this!

As you go through each stage of parenting remember this:

The little newborn you gaze at for hours, who wakes you up at all hours of the night, will one day be 30 and gazing at their own baby. Cherish that little face and the moments in the middle of the night when it’s just the two of you.  That 2 year old who never stops running and has a favorite word, “mine!” will one day be deciding their life choices and you hope that they will be as head strong and determined in achieving their dreams.  The middle schooler who has a million and one activities going on is learning to multi task, be part of a team, and socially grow into the world. Encourage them to do everything they want and to be sure they finish everything they start. These are the lessons they will need to be a good employee and friend as an adult.  Last, but certainly not least, the TEENAGER. This one is the most challenging because they are letting go of the child and figuring out who they will be as an adult. They want you in their life, but not in their business. They want you to care, but they want to be trusted. They need you for support, but will pretend they old enough to make decisions. They are walking contradictions. But it is a crucial time to not give up. I used to say my parenting style was this, I gave freedom with limitations. If it affected their health and safety, I had the ultimate say. Otherwise, I would encourage them to make a decision while explaining what consequences could be expected from those decisions.

All of these phases of parenting have their own challenges. Don’t be so hard on yourself as a parent! I write this today to encourage you to “not sweat the small stuff”.

Enjoy each and every memory. When things seem overwhelming and you are shopping, cooking, decorating, and preparing, stop and observe each child and instill the joy of the moment. Show your children that life is about the fun not the stress. That it’s about the time we spend together, not the gifts. That it’s about doing for others, rather than what’s in it for them.

Every moment is an opportunity to be an example, a teacher, a guide, a mentor, an inspiration, and to be the greatest influence your children will have in their childhood and throughout life. 

This too shall pass, and soon you will be begging your children to call and come over. Don’t rush it or focus on the hustle and bustle, but rather savor these precious moments, for they will be remembered in the hearts of your family and for generations to come! 

Have a wonderful Holiday Season! 

Love and Blessings, Maureen 

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How to Cherish the “Now” During the Holiday Season

With the holidays now underway, I came to an interesting epiphany.

While watching my daughter with her kids, my youngest son with his girlfriend, and playing a silly game of Twister with the grandbabies,  I couldn’t help but reminisce about how quickly life goes by.

I also realized how many shifts we go through. That’s my ah-ha moment: SHIFTS or stages, if you will, in our lives. What I really thought about is how, at each stage or phase, it seems our mindset was crucial. 

I recall a Christmas with my 3 children, where I was a struggling single parent and had very little money for presents. They wanted to buy me something for Christmas but didn’t have any money.  I gave them some money and we went to Walmart where I sat reading a book in McDonald’s, while my teenage daughters and their little brother, went off to buy me a gift. They each picked out something for me, and I remember that Christmas in our little condo being one of the best we’ve ever had! 

My now adult children tell me about some of their greatest memories of childhood, and I am still in awe that the memories they have never included anything grand or expensive. It was simply about spending time together and having fun. 

As you look back at your life, look at each stage you’ve been in: raising young kids, teenage years, college days, high school, marriage, childhood, first job, first home, first car, graduations, empty nesting, divorce, struggles of any kind. 

Think about where your mindset was at those moments. Was it:

Anxiety or excitement? Fear or Joy Sadness or Happiness Hopeless or Hopeful

As I head into my 50th year of life, I now have this “big picture” view and it gives me such peace in my daily life. 

I used to tell my kids, “if it won’t matter a year from now, don’t worry about it.” This is much more true than I even realized as I was saying it. 

The mindfulness movement should be (and is) summed up exactly as this, “Just live for this very moment, for tomorrow will come later, and yesterday is done.”  

You will find more joy and here’s the kicker– You will remember the moments in life that were amazing and joyful, far more than the lack of money and stuff you didn’t have at the time! 

Finally, I have now realized the IMPACT I have had on my loved ones. The lessons, sayings, traditions, and outlook on life I share with them are crucial- This is my LEGACY and I am determined to make sure I live on with the love and memories they will have thinking of me long after I am no longer here.  

Happy Holidays to everyone!
Love and Blessings, 
Maureen 

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Recognition: A Step Towards Success

You may not think that just noticing something could be successful, or that it doesn’t feel productive. However, this is a VITAL and KEY step to changing anything in our lives! 

When I receive a phone call from a new client for coaching, I always say, “You already achieved your first goal! You called because you recognized something in your life was not working!” 

I have several single friends who are in the dating scene. When they tell me about a date they experienced and some traits and behaviors they disliked, I tell them that it’s great because they are noticing what it is they don’t want. It brings them closer to getting and attracting what you truly want in a partner. 

Each client I coach gets a recap/follow-up of goals for the week. When they return to their next session, we review what goals have been worked on. Many times, I hear the guilt, shame, and judgement of themselves when they haven’t achieved or worked on these goals. It’s ok, really it is!  It’s still a step forward when you RECOGNIZE where the change needed to occur, even if you haven’t started or accomplished it yet. 

I remember when I started dating after a hiatus I had taken from some pretty dysfunctional relationships. To be more precise, I was the Narcissist Whisperer (or so I believed).  When I would meet men online, I would ensure we had to have many conversations and I had to really get to know them before even giving out my phone number, let alone meeting in person.

I really didn’t trust my own judgement. I kept looking back at the failures I had and the disappointment I felt from past partners. When I would finally meet someone face-to-face, I was really determined to “see” them for who they truly are.

If I encountered any red flags or triggers, I was so proud of myself. I’d call my friends and say, “It was great, he was narcissistic!”  That sounds crazy right?  I was exhilarated at the fact that I recognized something I had always dismissed or excused. This was progress for me and helped me gain confidence that I would know what to look for going forward. 

When we start to grow, expand, become more self aware, self actualized, we will attract those at our level (or energy level, vibration, Law of Attraction, our tribe, etc). When you encounter those that are not where you are, you will notice it. Something will sound bells or give you a gut feeling that it doesn’t serve you, sit well, or resonate. 

Here’s a great example: Make a list of friends, family, and/or exes who’ve been a part of your life experience. Now, make an X next to the ones that are still in your life today. Make an O next to those who are not. 

As you look at the “O” list, recount the reasons these people are no longer in your life (not counting transition or death). You will discern that the reasons those are not in your life any longer is because something was done or said that didn’t feel good to you anymore. To the point, you couldn’t continue the exchange with this person because the energy and emotional level were no longer a match. It just didn’t feel fun, exciting, uplifting, and encouraging to be with them or around them. And probably, it was feeling the other end of the spectrum of emotions- stress, sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, or resigned. 

Have grace and mercy on yourself! You made good choices to distance yourself from negativity and what no longer served you! That is growth, that is seeing your worth, that is setting boundaries, that is knowing you wanted more! 

In this world of social media, the pressure to measure our success and happiness against others can be overwhelming.  YOU are exactly where you should be in YOUR race. If you are in the recognition phase, congratulations. That is the biggest first step to realizing and appreciating who you really are, what purpose and passion you have, and the greatness that is in you and fighting each day to get out into the world…

The next step is the work…. stay tuned for more!

Love and Blessings, Maureen 

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What is a Lifecoach and Why Do I Need One?

The most common question I am asked is, “What is a Life coach?” 

As a fairly new career “title”, there is much speculation about the effectiveness of Life Coaching. To add to the confusion, there are so many different niches in this category: Health, Business, Spiritual. 
 
In our everyday lives, we encounter much of the same things as everyone around us. We are all trying to “do something” or “overcome” something. 

Here are the most common phrases I hear when clients contact me:  

“I haven’t accomplished what I want”
“I’m just not happy with my life and need to find joy”
“Something happened and it’s affecting everything in my life”
“I feel stuck”
“I’m overwhelmed and can’t focus”
“Everyone tells me I should…” 
“I want to make a change but I don’t know where to start”

Do any of these sound familiar? What I have discovered is that no matter what a client brings as an issue, there are so many more behind it. They think it’s just one thing, and then discover through their coaching sessions, that it is deeper. 

Many of my clients have been to Counselors and Therapists for years, but just can’t seem to get to the goals and feelings they want. Finding the inner reasons are good, but I take it to the future rather than staying in past. 

A Life Coach brings more than psychological know-how, they bring empathy and their own life experiences to assist. To sit in front of someone who says, “I know how you feel, I’ve been there too” makes a much larger impact on the person trying to learn and change. 

A good Life Coach will assist you in finding out the “why’s” and then give you the “hows”. Almost every person who has come to me says, “I know what I need to do, I just don’t know how”. 

We are surrounded by friends and family who know us. When they give us advice or suggestions, we sort of tune them out. It’s old news, they don’t understand, I’ve changed, etc. 

By going to a Life Coach, you get an objective, outside, emotionally detached person looking at what you are experiencing and feeling. The tools and methods that are used are “outside the box”.  At least my coaching is… I am currently remote coaching a client via video,  and after our session (which she does in her car between tasks), I asked her to roll down her window and yell “I am amazing”!  She was SOOOOO uncomfortable but she did it and I could see the joy she got from doing that. Just a simple affirmation in an unconventional way.

I have found that the two most sought out emotions all of us are needing and wanting: Acceptance and Validation.

This is why we struggle so hard with others in our lives, because we don’t get those often enough. Our well-meaning family and friends think that advice and lectures will help us to be better, but they don’t understand the wiring of our brains. We do not need to hear the same programming we’ve received over and over, we need new beliefs and ideas in order to succeed.

If the old ones worked, we wouldn’t be feeling negative about our lives. 
I give my clients the acceptance they desire,(there is nothing I judge or criticize), with understanding and affirmations to have patience with themselves, and to take things one step at a time. I see the relief on their faces when this happens, like they’ve been waiting for someone to just say, “it’s ok, you’re doing great”. 

Today’s society puts so much pressure on achievement and action. The older generations are trying to keep up and the younger generations are constantly comparing themselves to one another.  
My goal is to bring everyone back to a place of joy, satisfaction, empowerment and peace about their lives and their purpose. This life is to be enjoyed and experienced in every way possible so we learn and grow. 
And this…. is Life Coaching 

Time: How to Avoid Wasting It

What is the one thing we can never get back? Money? Relationships? Jobs?

Time. 

Let’s start off by saying, this is not very “Lifecoachy” of me, but my biggest pet peeve is when someone wastes my time! We’ve all been there, right?

You schedule a call and they don’t answer. You have a date and they stand you up. You schedule to meet someone and they are late. You pay money to go somewhere and it gets cancelled. 

Notice all of those have YOU and THEY in them? You control what YOU do and have no control over what THEY do. 

I’ve had 3 appointments scheduled and they cancelled or no-showed this week… aaaarggghhh! OK, let’s break it down. People are busy. Busy with THEIR stuff. 

A good way to deal with these situations is to understand it is about THEM and not you. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react. I have been working on this as these situations happen. 

I breathe, note that I can’t really count on that someone, and then I turn it around and say, “more time for me!” I’ll relax and do something that makes me happy so I am not dwelling on the negative feelings that make me feel insulted. This could even be a trigger for some who have dealt with rejection or abandonment issues.

Don’t let it ruin your day. Set your boundaries. Speak your truth. Believe and know that whatever occurs during the course of your day is meant for your purpose of learning and staying in the positive place of peace that you alone can control. 

Don’t set expectations based on your perspective of how others should behave. When we try to “wrap our mind” around another’s way of acting, it only instills confusion- you haven’t lived their life and don’t know what they are currently experiencing. 

I like giving the benefit of the doubt to others or even creating my own compassion for them. For example, “they probably had an expected illness, family emergency, or inadvertently forgot (who hasn’t?). By doing this, I eliminate any feelings of resentment. If a pattern forms, I can make a decision to disengage from others who aren’t reliable or aware of the value of my time. 

Be sure to be the person you want your friends and acquaintances to be. Value others’ time and nurture relationships. Show up for commitments and be the change you want to see in the world. Remember, “Those who matter won’t mind, and those who mind won’t matter.”

Your integrity is not always seen on the outside, but your actions are.

Love and Blessings,
Life Coach Maureen 

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Labor Day Thoughts for Mindfulness

Today is Labor Day. After tossing and turning all night, at 3:30am, I decide to get out of bed. The mind is a curious thing. I lay in bed thinking, planning and trying to force myself to just shut down and sleep. My brain had other plans. I was thinking about my children, finances, my business,  family dynamics, how to solve world peace (ok, not really), but pretty much everything else. 

I go make a cup of coffee and sit outside in the darkness. As I sit and drink my coffee, I listen. It’s so quiet and serene in my backyard. Even the birds are still asleep. There are no airplanes, cars, voices, tv, or phones pinging. It’s just beautifully quiet and peaceful. I am relaxed and not thinking about what my day is going to entail, or what problems are ahead this week. 

What’s the goal?

My mind wanders to the thought of Monks who take a vow of silence and suddenly I get it! It’s so much easier for me to just relax and clear my head in this silence. There is nothing to distract me, nothing to influence my mood, or CAUSE me to feel uneasy or stressed out. The concept of Meditation which is taught and practiced by any and all “enlightened” or “inspirational” teachings is exactly this: JUST QUIET YOUR MIND.

Why is this so hard to do in our everyday lives? We are humans seeking interaction with everything. All that we see, hear, touch, taste, and smell affects us. We are a programmed species of observers. That being said, we also are not adept at separating what we witness from how we would like to feel. Notice I said , “how we would LIKE to feel”.  Rather, we say, “I feel this way BECAUSE of what I am experiencing”. 

Shield of Protection

In my book, “My Dog is More Enlightened Than I Am”, I discuss the “heart guard”. This is the invisible shield I create around myself that I envision to say, “I won’t let this negative thing or person affect my well-being”.  Yes, it’s easier said than done, but with practice, it trains your thoughts to prepare for what you will observe as you head into an undesirable or unknown situation. 

In Abraham Hicks’ teachings, she states, “If you can’t change a negative thought to a positive one, change to a neutral thought by not thinking about it. In other words, just distract the thought to focus on something else. We can do this by intentionally listening for a specific sound. Our minds then seek a different thought.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you just had an upsetting conversation with a family member. You are thinking about all of the things they said that were hurtful, all of the comebacks you didn’t get to voice. Now stop, go outside, sit down in the grass, close your eyes, and listen for how many different bird calls you can hear. See? you didn’t have to force yourself to stop thinking, you just refocused your conscious mind to reroute. It’s like a GPS for law of attraction. 

Labor of Love

As a Life coach, I am consistently reminding my clients that change takes time. We have established beliefs, thoughts, and habits over a long period of time. We are so hard on ourselves regarding expectations. Whether it’s achieving goals, such as weight loss, addiction, habits, or relationships, we want it NOW! It’s great to stay focused on the end goal, but just recognize the behaviors that have built the “problem”. Then, you will be able to integrate the new patterns of change you want. But be patient with yourself. Be loving and compassionate with who you are and how you got here. 

Imagine yourself in the middle of a crowd and being able to shut out all of the sounds, smells, and sights. That is the mastery you want to achieve. Turning our attention inward is the most important way to control your emotions and actions. 

Enjoy the silence! Listen to YOU! Look in the mirror! Speak  kindly to yourself! Feel mercy and compassion for your journey and what your purpose here means! 

Happy Labor Day! With Love and Blessings, 
Maureen

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The Substantial Power of Words in the Digital Realm

Because I work from home 80% of the work week, my interaction with others is primarily through email and social media. A recent discovery I have made is the power of words in this arena. 

First, let me address something that I feel is an important virtue and character to have-the ability and decision to keep our word. In other words, following through with actions that validate the words we have stated to another. In addition, this is where the age old adage came from: Your Word is Your Bond.

In my Life Coaching business, I experience people that start the process without following through. Here’s an example: I receive an email that a client is interested, I respond and set up a time to call to discuss their needs, the client responds and verifies the appointment, and then… nothing.

What’s curious to me is that when we had more interpersonal interactions, people didn’t tend to give empty promises, or at least not as often. But in this world of technology, we are losing common courtesy. We don’t feel the need to commit because, “I don’t know this person”. We’ve become very dismissive of another person’s time and effort. 

Why is it so hard to meet my person? 

In the dating world today, most singles are enrolled in dating sites where the communication is strictly through email and messaging. You exchange a few emails, move to the texting game, and possibly (not too often) to the phone call. 

I know so many friends who experience the “ghosting”.  This is where you talk and start getting to know someone, then…..nothing. Are you seeing a pattern here? We are losing the ability to see the person on the other end as a feeling and caring human being. This is a trend that is dehumanizing one another. We are losing accountability of our “word” or promise to another person. 

Ninja Commentators

I started “listening” via the internet comments on Facebook to the way people are currently conversing. The common denominator is that there seems to be a freedom in speaking more harshly and yes, downright mean to others, due to the mask of the computer screen or phone. Have we made it so easy to lose compassion and politeness for the tradeoff of convenience? Is this really what the creators wanted or believed would happen when they invented these high tech gadgets? 

I still believe in the good. I still believe we can use our advancement to help each other. When I see the posts for Dog shelters rallying for adoptions, videos that show random acts of kindness, and positivity posts, I know the kindness and love are still in there.  

Let’s make it a point to spread good news and build each other up on social media! More importantly, meet those you care about for lunch, coffee, shopping, a short visit with face to face, real connections. Just because we have the technology, does not mean we need to replace nurturing our relationships. After all, it should enhance our lives, not diminish them. Go be the difference in this world! Kindness is contagious, go infect someone 

Are You a Light Lecturer?

When I started my Coaching business, I approached it with the intent of focusing on the psychology and understanding of why and how we make the choices we do in life: Why we repeat behavior, fail to understand ourselves and our worth.  I took NLP courses, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and recently even a Forensic Psychology Certification course. 

Through the growth of coaching, I evolved (just kinda flowed, actually) into understanding more spiritually the Law of Attraction and the greater purpose of our lives, and the simplicity of the message-it’s all about love and compassion-to ourselves and others. 

People have many names for this evolution: Lightworker, Awakening, Raising Vibration, Energetic healing, etc. It has helped me tremendously in my personal life as well as my Coaching.

As I wrote my book, “My Dog is More Enlightened Than I Am“, I wasn’t really aware of it, but I didn’t write it as a lecture or a “professional guide to awakening”. I simply wrote it as I speak. I explain my growth through my experiences and give suggestions on how easy it is to integrate it into everyone’s life. It’s a gentle nudge and encouragement to those who read it. 

This being said, I’ve noticed that quite a few people in the metaphysical and Coaching world tend to lecture others. Albeit probably not intentionally, but it does rear its ugly head. 

Here are some of the phrases I have heard: “You need to, You should, You shouldn’t, etc”. I prefer these: What do you think? How does that feel? What would make you feel better? I deliberately choose not to lecture. The best example I have to give is this: My wonderful adult children. 

I learned that I do not have to “mother” my children any longer. What, you say? Yes, I will always be their mother, but I no longer have to teach them right from wrong or how to make decisions and choices. I am now their friend, confidante, mentor, encourager and sounding board. I do not need to LECTURE them on life. This discovery of letting them make choices and just being there to listen has been life changing for us all. They are more open with me, and actually ask my opinion now. 

A friend of mine recently said, “Just because someone is gifted, doesn’t mean they are enlightened”. That really hit home as I thought, “but surely if they have a psychic gift they are using, they understand how to use it in the most genuine and loving way intended”. 

Not necessarily. Unfortunately, like every arena in life, some people are misguided, or still have lessons to learn themselves. I strive to learn more about every aspect of life I can to help others to HELP THEMSELVES. If I lecture, it instills a feeling of inadequacy, guilt, insecurity, and helplessness-which is contrary to what I want to do- which is to show others how capable, amazing, wonderful, and adequate they are, but they must learn this within. 

Remember that nothing you say to someone about their shortcomings will benefit them, instead, plant the seeds of encouragement and let them water it themselves. 

Let’s keep in mind, we are all human and this life is a constant journey of learning every…single…day. My friend, Laura, said to me, “I’m still a work in progress”, and I replied, “As we all are”- that’s our purpose, to keep progressing!

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen

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How to Embrace the Rollercoaster of Life

I was recently in deep thought as I was doing yard work. While mowing, I ran into some bumps, some rocks, and places I had to push a little harder. Other areas were smooth and easy. I had to pull some weeds, plant some seeds, water my soil. Then I realized… this was just like life! 

Indulge me and let’s go a little further with an analogy:
Do you remember the first time you rode a roller coaster? Did you hesitate? Think you would fall out, get sick, or die? That is our lives. The fear, the adrenaline rush, the unknown of how the experience will be! 

I remember when my daughter and I went to Las Vegas for a gift trip I gave her for high school graduation. It was just her and I and she wanted to go on the roller coaster at New York New York Hotel. She was fearless, excited and said, “come on mom, it’ll be fun!” 

I, however, was a little resistant. She, in her youth, was ready and excited. I had seen news reports of derailing roller coasters, people stuck due to mechanical failures, and then wondered if my back could handle it. Do you see how our experiences can either hold us back or cause us to throw caution to the wind? 

Like life, a rollercoaster has its ups and downs, unknown twists, and sometimes the bottom just drops out from under us. The important question is… are you willing to get on the ride or stand on the ground and watch? 

If you’ve waited in line, when it’s your turn, do you go to the front car? That’s the exhilarating spot! Do you play it safe in the middle? 

Let’s look at the relationships in our lives. 

Who gets in the cart with you? I bet you can name 1 or 2 people that jump in next to you. These are your most supportive and loving relationships. Which of your family and friends goes to the back to see if you thrive or fail? (Or lose your cookies). 

Those are the ones who say they’re in, but they aren’t ALL the way in. 
And then there’s the friends who watch from the ground. Oh sure, they say “have fun” or “good luck” but they’re not willing to do it with you. Some may even call you crazy and tell you you’ll die! Those are the naysayers and critics. 

Finally, there are those who you talk to after the ride and see how great it was, so NOW they want on the ride! 

Pay close attention to the “riders” in your life. This is your measurement of what you mean to others that you have in your circle. 

Go on that ride, cherish those in your cart, ignore the “watchers” and experience the thrill ride that life is! 

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life”-Muhammad Ali. 

Love and Blessings,
Maureen

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Don’t Be So Modest

As I was lying in bed last night, I was given this message.”Don’t be so modest.” I had no idea what that meant until I took it this morning and realized what I was to share with everyone. 

The journey I have been on in the last year (ok, my entire life) has brought some amazing opportunities. The feedback and beautiful compliments, along with seeing the changes in those around me has been so fulfilling.

Oddly enough, when I receive praise, I am consistently saying, “Really? You think so?” or “Anyone could do it, it’s really easy.”  I haven’t been giving myself the validation and kind appreciation for my hard work and growth that I’ve achieved along the way. 

We have been operating under the misconception that humility is good and ego is bad. The definition of humble: “Having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance,” versus the definition of ego: 
“A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.”

I’ve always thought it was a good attribute to be a humble person, until now. Being humble or having humility is actually diminishing the belief in our abilities. Abraham Hicks says in her YouTube video, “Humility is close to victimhood”. 

The Universe and Source view your ego as the purpose and focus you have for being here and accomplishing the lessons you desire. At our book launch on Saturday, a wonderful gentleman with the gift of psychic abilities said to me, “Your message is Simple, Humble, and Pure.” I beamed thinking “yes, it is”. But now I’d like to remove the humble part because what I feel about my purpose, plan and message is that I want it to be Egotistical!

How contrary to what we have been programmed to believe. Our view on egotistical is more along the lines of conceited, bragging, or full of ourselves. It is not! It is truly about believing in ourselves, feeling confident and sure about who and what we are doing, and following exactly the execution of the plan we came to accomplish in this life. To solely believe in ourselves without validation from others is empowering. 

The next time someone says, “Don’t be modest”, agree with them and say, “You’re right, I’m egotistical”.