Maureen Scanlon's Blog, page 2

How to Tell It’s Time to Follow Your Life Purpose

In January, I created a vision board. This year I decided to achieve specific goals and growth. When I created the board, of course, my human mind thought, this would be great to achieve. I ask myself now, did I REALLY believe I could achieve these things? The honest answer? I had some doubts.

As the year has progressed, I moved to new outlooks, new phases. I had to reach points of, “I’m ready, let’s do this!” I had to embrace discomfort and fear. The point being; today you may not see it or even believe it. But you will. Your job is to stay open and just “let it flow.” 

I also realized that when I was able to let go of some things (i.e. disappointments and needing validation from family members) I was able to get out of my own way. That’s when the desires and opportunities started to come my way. I figuratively unclogged the pipe to allow the flow. 

I’ve worked at a corporate job for 25 years. It provided stability and health insurance, but it wasn’t my passion or life purpose. I always knew I would let it go, but the old sensible me kept saying, “wait a little longer.” I spontaneously decided, after a conversation with a random Zoom call from a LinkedIn connection, that it was time. Just like that, I didn’t overthink it, I just said “today is the day.” That woman may never know how important that connection was (though I did tell her).

It wasn’t a planning, or creating a spreadsheet, it was just a simple thought that today was the day to set a date to retire and focus 100% on what I’m passionate about- Life coaching and Professional Speaking. 

If you’re at a mindset today that speaks “someday,”  just ask yourself the following questions: 

Do I look forward to waking up in the morning to this life I’ve created? Is there something that keeps nudging me? An idea, a thought, a person? Do I feel free to choose how my day proceeds? Do I feel trapped in my current circumstance? If I could do anything I wanted, or reset, what would bring me the most joy? During my day, what makes me smile the most? What do I read, hear, or see on tv and social media that resonates deeply? Social injustice? Animal abuse? Foster children? Sustainability? 

These questions will help you deep dive into what your life purpose and place of most joy is! Give yourself mercy and patience and remember this: nothing will happen until you are ready.

When you have done the work to be open, non-resistant, and at ease about the future and what you desire, you will then know it’s time. It can happen over years or in an instant. Stay in your circle of control- your thoughts, reactions, and feelings, when most positive, will guide you. 

Love and Blessings,
Maureen

The post How to Tell It’s Time to Follow Your Life Purpose appeared first on Maureen Scanlon Life Coaching.

It’s Time to Talk to a Life Coach (This is the Sign You’ve Been Looking For)

Being a Life Coach is very rewarding, but there’s no denying how exhausting it can be at times. Being so invested in the success of helping others elevate their mental health can be quite an emotional ride! As I screen through clients and see who is truly ready to make changes, I’ve noticed a trend. Readiness is determined by one thing: You just have to be tired of the way things are.

It’s that simple, really. Oh, I’ve had callers who were excited but couldn’t make the time commitment, financial investment, etc. And I’ve had clients whom just wouldn’t do the work– their comfort zone won over their desire to change. 

Those who have worked through the process, used the tools, and turned it into a lifestyle, have forever changed their mindset and probably their entire lives. 

It’s not just about saying positive quotes all day or sitting in meditation for hours. It’s taking each method, step by step, day by day, and learning to integrate it into your life so it instills new perspectives, beliefs, and actions. Whether it’s Relationship Coaching, Business, Spiritual, or Life Coaching, the changes are long lasting for those who choose to embrace it. 

In a recent coaching session, I was speaking with a client who said, “I really need this every week to keep going especially when I think I can’t.” I love hearing when someone says, “You’ll be so proud of me!” To that I say, “YOU should be proud of you!” 

Although a somewhat new premise, the idea of helping oneself or finding new ideas is not new. It’s only the “where” you go to find it that is in question. If you are looking to change ANY area of your life, it is inclusive, and honestly, touches on every aspect even if you think you are seeking one type of coaching. 

If any of the below thoughts have crossed your mind it may be time to seek some guidance from a Life Coach:

I feel stuck in my life, as if I’m repeating the same thing over and over. I can’t get motivated.I don’t know what my purpose is.I feel scattered and disorganized in my work/home balance.My relationships don’t feel fulfilling.I don’t know how to reach or set goals .I have low self-image and esteem.I’m going through a divorce or break up.I’m starting to date and find it overwhelming.My partner and I feel disconnected.I am feeling anxious or discouraged with life.I have past issues I want to overcome by releasing them and moving forward.

The stigma around mental health is improving and we are learning how beneficial it can be to help ourselves. It’s ok to be focused on yourself and your well-being. You will change and the world will change around you. If you are struggling today, I encourage you to reach out, talk to someone, and take action to invest in your wellness. 

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen Scanlon

*Was this the sign you’ve been looking for? Let’s take that next step TODAY so you can get started on the life you were meant to live!*

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The Chain of Humanity: The Link That Connects Us All

I’m a firm believer that we are given signs and messages from Spirit Teams (or Angels, God, Source, Universe– whichever higher power you believe in) and I often receive inspiring messages by simply listening.

Recently, I was given a “subject.” I assumed it was insignificant… until it wasn’t.

I was seeing images and hearing stories that “nagged” me to take and run with it: Chains.

Like a lot of people, I tend to be an over-thinker: I want to find the deeper meaning in everything. Not always a bad thing, but at times I need to tell myself to “just chill” and go with the flow. So I did. I put the idea on the back burner and resumed my daily life.

But of course, it didn’t stop there.

My ah-ha moment came when I realized the connection between humans and how we are all a link in this chain of humanity. On my social media feed, I’ve seen a high school friend commenting on a business acquaintance’s post. I’ve seen a Coaching client “like” a picture of a close friend. I’ve randomly messaged people for a loss of a pet, only to discover endless coincidences.  

We are all connected. That was validation for me– the always KNOWING what we are here for. Our purpose, our intent, our co-creating selves are all part of a chain: the chain of humanity.

Ok, thanks Spirit, I think I finally deciphered your code:

A chain consists of circles linked together; no beginning, no end. Like how everything in life is universally connected. To elaborate, the purpose of a chain is to “transmit power from one link to another and avoid slipping.”

There are different types of chains:

Industrial: Used for liftingLifting Chains: Used for bodybuilders who need strength trainingJewelry Chains: For beauty and value purposesChain Letters: Asks receiver to take an action

Sorting these into a motivational mindset ultimately comes down to these 4 characteristics: Uplifting, Strength, Beauty & Worth, and Effort

The message I’m conveying is this: We are not strangers, just individuals who haven’t yet found the common thread between us. The momentum from stranger to acquaintance to friend to soul family can be changed in an instant– by simply relating and engaging with one another!

Look around you today and find a commonality with someone. Reach out and say, “I’ve been there too,” or, “I can help.” Be the best LINK in the chain of humanity that you can be!

Love and Blessings,
Maureen

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The Power of Taking Action: How to Walk the Walk

As a Certified Life Coach, I know the power of words. I give my clients the “tools,” or the words and suggestions, and they “build the house” by taking action). I assist in helping people focus on reframing self-talk, or turning negative speak into affirmations.  I believe in speaking goals and personal aspirations if it they have already happened.

As much as manifesting your desires may fulfill your dreams, there remains a space where taking action is still mandatory. Steps are needed to bring the change and desires to fruition. Without moving forward, words are really just noise.

Throughout my life, I’ve been around many people who “Talk the Talk.”  I’ve really learned how true phrases such as “talk is cheap” and ” giving it lip service” are. It can be one of the most frustrating awarenesses of human behavior.

It’s natural to speak what we want or wish we could have, but the struggle to motivate ourselves and initiate the steps to change can be challenging and even debilitating for some. 

Some may have a more manipulative nature and will say what they think others want to hear with no intentions of fulfilling the effort needed. This is to fulfill a need for a sense of belonging or acceptance, even though there is no sincerity behind the verbiage.

I know several business owners with friends who praise their accomplishments, but never invest in their products or services offered in support of their friend. I know Coaches who don’t live the values and suggestions they provide to their clients. 

One thing I value in myself, is the ability to stand by my word. If I SAY it, I DO it. For example, a client I coach is expanding her business. I encourage her to think outside of the box and try new unconventional ideas. When she created an event for a Backyard Boutique and invited me, of course I would go. I purchased an item from each vendor booth and demonstrated my support. Essentially, I “walked the walk.”

She invests in my business and I invest in hers– it’s a balance of respect and appreciation.

When I wrote my first book, my family and friends all insisted on purchasing the book. Even my own children bought my books! It was their way of showing me they really believed in me and supported me. 

So ask yourself this: How much am I showing up through the actions I take for those around me who I cherish? Don’t just say I care about my circle. Go to lunch, send a card, or be there when they need you. 

Here are some tips on how to “walk the talk” and see the power of taking action, well, in action!

Every word you speak is a promise. When you speak, think of everything thing you say as a sincere commitment. View it as if the relationship or friendship is on the line if you’re not meeting that promise. This is where you show your value and integrity. 

Choose wisely. As humans, we are the only species that has the capability to form words to verbally communicate. Choose what you say to one another with careful consideration.

Often times, people will state, “I didn’t mean it that way,” or “I was just teasing you!” Think about the person on the receiving end and not just your need to articulate. Think of how you would feel if you received the same message.

Be a do-er, not a say-er– When an event is held, do your friends and family count on you to attend? Or do they think you’ll just say you’ll come and then not show up? If you tell someone, “if you need anything, let me know.” Do you really mean it or is it just a habit to say? Be someone who can commit to others.  Be that person that others know they can count on. 

Stop the madness– We all know that friend, family member, or coworker who continually complains about their life. They are the victims of this life. Nothing goes well for them-ever!

Even if we listen for hours on end and give some sound advice, next week they come back with the same “stuff.”  It can be draining.

First, we must learn the boundaries of not putting ourselves in the repetitive conversations. Second, realize that the person probably enjoys the sympathy, empathy, as attention they receive from sharing their woes. 

Are you a “fixer” and easily get sucked into these scenarios? Learn to set boundaries. Set a time limit for the discussion. Stop giving advice the individual is not ready to hear. Stop encouraging the outpour by initiating the conversations with questions such as,  “how are you doing today?” or “were you able to solve that issue?” 

In the end, realize the power of your words, and the even mightier power of taking action! 

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen 

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Stay True to Yourself: Tips On Avoiding Negative Habits & Doubts

I discovered something about myself today. 

After putting in the work to learn to love myself, I am proud of who I am. My words say, “I like who I am, my vibe will bring my tribe.” That being said, I realized how easy it is to fall into old patterns of wanting the approval and validation from others. 

As I was preparing for a Coaching session with a brand new client, I thought about how I could best help them. This client is more stoic, skeptical, and guarded than most clients that come for Coaching, and I thought I would need to tone my energy back to meet theirs. 

When I began coaching, I asked questions, listened, and as we progressed, my regular high energy showed up. It is just who I am. And guess what? In spite of my previous thoughts, it was effective and it was received well. Really well.

Do you ever find yourself adjusting who you really are to match the people in front of you? 

As humans, it’s a natural and instinctive behavior to want to be accepted. We mirror others because we think it’s expected. But sometimes, we should really just be ourselves and let the chips fall where they may. 

I find that many times we are like the metal Mercury. It is the only Liquid Metal: Mercury has the ability to uniformly expand and contract over its entire liquid range, in response to changes in pressure and temperature. It flows and adjusts to its surroundings. And, it is toxic. 

While being adaptable can be a positive trait, we must maintain the makeup – or core – of who we are. 

I realized that I never have to take away from myself to meet someone else at their place. They will join me or distance themselves. Either way, I must stay true to myself. 

Here are some tips to help avoid the habits we create and the doubt we may have about being the authentic souls that we are. 

I am who I am– Accepting ourselves is the most empowering practice we can have. When you are aligned with who you are, the self-confidence follows, and the behavior follows that self-image. It lessens the need to seek approval and validation from others. 

I check all the boxes– We can get distracted in this life by looking at others and taking inventory on traits and characteristics they possess. It’s important to list the qualities you have.

What do you show the world? Are you kind? Are you a good friend? Do you communicate well? Do you spread love and compassion? Focus on the valuable attributes you possess. Affirm the challenges you’ve met and goals you’ve achieved. 

Don’t complain and Don’t Explain– This is a statement I voice often. If you are complaining about something, you are in need of either accepting or changing the situation. If you are explaining your words and actions to others, it’s a little voice telling you there is insecurity lurking in the shadows of your subconscious.

When you feel the need to be heard or understood, that’s natural, but trying to convince others to believe or accept you is not healthy for your self-assurance. It says, “I’m not sure about who I am and I am relying on you to validate me. ” 

I’m reminded of a song by Sammy Davis Jr titled, “I Gotta Be Me.” We should all follow Sammy’s words, “Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong, whether I find a place in this world or never belong, I gotta be me, I gotta be me, what else can I be but what I am.”

There is no one like you; stay true to yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and don’t change for anyone else but you.

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen 

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It’s OK to Not Be OK: Managing Happiness Expectations

In a world where positive quotes and the pursuit of happiness are in full throttle, sometimes it can add pressure to our well-being when we aren’t “feeling it.” 

In a recent course I took in ACT therapy (Acceptance and Commitment), the instructor mentioned that positive affirmations sometimes worked in adversity to the purpose of saying them. Multiple people experiencing negative emotions were asked if stating a positive affirmation when they were “down” helped change their mood.

Several stated that it made them feel worse because it focused on the fact that they weren’t feeling ok or happy. They felt guilt and shame for not being able to turn it around. 

Destination happiness is not reality. Destination “feeling better” is a more accurate and helpful description for the flow of human experience. Relieving the impact of intense feelings is best attained by going neutral. 

It’s completely normal to feel the ups and downs of emotions. The key is to ACCEPT where you are in the moment and move to a better thought or behavior. 

Here are some ways to relieve the expectation of constant happiness: 

Sit with your emotions- Acknowledge that sometimes you just want to mull over a difficult situation or feelingSuppression leads to Depression- When we push down negative feelings, we aren’t getting rid of them or working through them, we are saving them for later when they reappear (and they will)Just Breathe- Meditation and Breathing exercises are helpful to focus on ourselves. Redirecting our thoughts to a place of ease and release allows them to process. Being in the now moment will help to calm the mind from the repetitive narrative that tends to play in our heads. Thank Your Mind- This is an exercise in just saying “ok mind, I hear you but I don’t intend to engage.” Example: I want to go on a rollercoaster but I start thinking of all of the reasons I shouldn’t. Say this, “ok mind, thank you, I understand this is uncomfortable but I’m going to try it anyway.”We’re all in this together- Realize that it’s important for growth to experience “all the feels.”  To feel sadness will give gratitude for joy. To feel fear will add excitement to new challenges. To feel angry gives learning to controlling your inner emotions and letting go of outside influences. 

In short, be gentle with yourself, guide your mind to the better feeling thoughts even if only slightly better. Take it one step at a time. As long as there is forward movement, you are growing and learning. For the moments you feel discouraged, remind yourself you are doing a great job and working to open your mind and love yourself. 

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen 

The post It’s OK to Not Be OK: Managing Happiness Expectations appeared first on Maureen Scanlon Life Coaching.

It’s OK Not to Be OK

In a world where positive quotes and the pursuit of happiness are in full throttle, sometimes it can add pressure to our well-being when we aren’t “feeling it.” 

In a recent course I took in ACT therapy (Acceptance and Commitment), the instructor mentioned that positive affirmations sometimes worked in adversity to the purpose of saying them. Multiple people experiencing negative emotions were asked if stating a positive affirmation when they were “down” helped change their mood.

Several stated that it made them feel worse because it focused on the fact that they weren’t feeling ok or happy. They felt guilt and shame for not being able to turn it around. 

Destination happiness is not reality. Destination “feeling better” is a more accurate and helpful description for the flow of human experience. Relieving the impact of intense feelings is best attained by going neutral. 

It’s completely normal to feel the ups and downs of emotions. The key is to ACCEPT where you are in the moment and move to a better thought or behavior. 

Here are some ways to relieve the expectation of constant happiness: 

Sit with your emotions- Acknowledge that sometimes you just want to mull over a difficult situation or feelingSuppression leads to Depression- When we push down negative feelings, we aren’t getting rid of them or working through them, we are saving them for later when they reappear (and they will)Just Breathe- Meditation and Breathing exercises are helpful to focus on ourselves. Redirecting our thoughts to a place of ease and release allows them to process. Being in the now moment will help to calm the mind from the repetitive narrative that tends to play in our heads. Thank Your Mind- This is an exercise in just saying “ok mind, I hear you but I don’t intend to engage.” Example: I want to go on a rollercoaster but I start thinking of all of the reasons I shouldn’t. Say this, “ok mind, thank you, I understand this is uncomfortable but I’m going to try it anyway.”We’re all in this together- Realize that it’s important for growth to experience “all the feels.”  To feel sadness will give gratitude for joy. To feel fear will add excitement to new challenges. To feel angry gives learning to controlling your inner emotions and letting go of outside influences. 

In short, be gentle with yourself, guide your mind to the better feeling thoughts even if only slightly better. Take it one step at a time. As long as there is forward movement, you are growing and learning. For the moments you feel discouraged, remind yourself you are doing a great job and working to open your mind and love yourself. 

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen 

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Dropping the Weight (of Emotional Baggage)

Recently, I’ve been noticing that I am hanging on to things that are weighing me down. During COVID, like a lot of us, I gained a little weight.

I kept looking in my closet saying to myself, “I really need to get rid of clothes that don’t fit.”  The other little voice said, “Hang on to them, you’ll lose the weight and fit into them.” 

Do you experience these types of conflicts? 

I decided to clean out the closet and if I do lose the weight, I can reward myself with a new wardrobe. 

Like the closet, why are we so hesitant to let go of what isn’t serving us? The same can be said for emotional baggage and past pain. It’s like carrying a backpack full of rocks around with us each day. 

I was coaching a client for quite some time and I realized they needed more intense therapy. It didn’t feel bad as I realize we are all at different levels of readiness. I felt Life Coaching wasn’t a good fit for them anymore and I want my clients to succeed whether it’s with me or another way. 

I had been determined, as I am with all clients, not to give up and kept trying to new methods. I finally just decided I had to let them go for their own growth and healing, but especially for mine. Once I let this client go, I was inundated with new requests and appointments. 

Just like the examples above, when we hold space for negative emotion and past cyclic behavior, we don’t have room for the new changes we want. It’s not easy by any means, but it takes one time to do this and see how effective it can be. 

I find that this is particularly difficult when it comes to relationships- especially with family. The misconception that your “people” know you best and should understand you is common. The expectations we put on those closest to us can hinder our objective view of how we are treated and what we allow. 

I, personally, have recognized my desire to get validation from others, yet I feel that I am confident and love myself, so why do I need this? I receive love and validation from my children, husband, friends, and even strangers who interact with blogs and social media. 

As I said, it takes an effort to dive deep into yourself and figure out what YOU are doing. Once you recognize the baggage you are carrying, working to do release work is helpful to lighten the load. Here are some ways to work on releasing:

Hold a Release Party
Choose an item that is connected to the person or emotion you’d like to release. Write a letter to the person who has caused pain that you hold onto. Gather some friends around a firepit, and say, “today I release any negative feelings and thoughts about (name of person) (name of trauma) and I will have gratitude for the lesson it provided”

Meditation and Intention Setting
Every morning or every evening, meditate with a sound healing for release. You can type “meditation for healing” and there will be a plethora of options to choose from.

Set Boundaries
This will assist with the healing you are practicing. By not surrounding ourselves with the same thing, we initiate a new normal. For instance, if it’s a person you need to let go, don’t call them as often, don’t seek their opinion or advice.

When it comes to family, you can distance by setting a date to call and check in, but refrain from focusing on whether they nurture the relationship or not. You will find you are less disappointed when you no longer expect them to behave a certain way. 

Forgive
This is really the catalyst that will empower you. I give my clients with struggles in this area a forgiveness exercise to practice. In the exercise, write down the who and what which is requiring forgiveness.

Saying this mantra, “I fully and freely forgive you. I release you and any (name feeling, ie Anger, Sadness) I have related to you. I am healed and I am now free”.  Don’t forget to include yourself in this! 

Doing the work of releasing deep-set programming inserted by past experiences may be the hardest self-awareness work you will do, but it will also be the most rewarding! Removing the obstacles of emotional baggage frees the path to change and happiness that we desire. 

Love and Blessings, 
Life coach Maureen 

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Is there a Difference in Mental Health Between Genders?

Mental Health is described by Wikipedia as, “…an individual’s ability to enjoy life and to create a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience.” 

Although both genders are equally susceptible to symptoms of mental health disorders, the types show a difference between males and females. Of course, very individual is unique– this is not a generalization, but a look at the most common per CDC statistics.

Women tend to have the most difficulty with anxiety and depression, while men have a higher tendency for addiction. 

On average, 29% of women will seek help for their Mental Health, compared to 17% of males. 

As children, we usually accept when our female child cries or expresses emotion. On the other hand, when a male child shows emotion they can be told to “toughen up” or “stop being a crybaby.”You can see whether intentional or unintentional, the message sent to men is, “deal with it.” 

I decided to ask my husband some questions to get a clear male view on this: 
Me: When a guy friend would come to you with an emotional issue, what is the reaction you and your friends usually have? 
Husband: Well first, it would make me uncomfortable to talk about it. Second, I would give advice about steps to take. For example, if it’s dealing with divorce, I would suggest a specific lawyer or explain the process. Third, I would try to suggest something to put their mind at ease or distract them from their problem. 
Me: It sounds to me like men would prefer to focus on the logistics of helping solve the person’s problems and deploy some distraction methods. 
Husband: Precisely. 

This was interesting to me as I ponder how women support one another. If a girlfriend of mine is having difficulties, we will meet for coffee and talk for hours about it. 

Perhaps this is a contribution to why the suicide rate is 3.3 men to every woman. And to add to that, 76% of suicides committed are by men versus 24% women.  The most common reason for both genders is relationship problems (42%) followed by Past Crisis or Upcoming crisis in 2 weeks (29%). 

In my experience, when a man reaches out for Life Coaching, they tend to express more shame than women. It has taken longer to make the decision to seek help. 

However, they do tend to make the most progress in the shortest amount of time. It seems as if they have saved it all up for this moment. Once they have a safe place to express themselves, there is a sense of relief and the ability to change is accepted.

Another observation with my male clients is the willingness to try new things. I find my female clients prefer their “comfort zone” over the unknown. 

If we really want to prevent mental health difficulties and suicide, we need to start from the beginning and encourage children to express emotion. We need to let the men in our lives know that it’s ok to share their vulnerabilities and thoughts. Society should remove the shame of seeking help no matter what gender we are. 

Finally, I must reiterate that connection, love, kindness, and compassion are the answer. 

Love and Blessings, 
Maureen 

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Life Coach Vs. Therapist: The Difference in One Infographic

Everyone could use some extra help when it comes to emotional wellbeing and personal growth. In the past, seeking a therapist or counselor to talk to was the default, however, you may have recently heard of more people gravitating towards a Life Coach.

In the infographic below, you can see the differences between a Life Coach vs. Therapist and who to see based off your needs.

Life Coach Vs. Therapist Download

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