Ivy Keating's Blog, page 2
November 17, 2021
Positive Energy
Holidays are coming and this is the perfect time to look after yourself. The fact is, we're not at our best when we feel overwhelmed. The more confident we are, the more productive we can be. So how can we get back to having positive energy, when so many things are demanding our attention?
The best trick for making everything stop, is to practice being mindful. Mindful is being in the moment. It's when you only think about what is happening right in front of you. If you're at work, be in the moment at work. If you're writing a naughty or nice list--write the list. Give yourself the comfort of being submerged in one thing. And if you need a distraction from your daily responsibilites, be mindful in an enjoyable activity--preferably one that requires concentration.
Next, give yourself a list. I usually do not like lists, but if you find things are more chaotic than usual--put the have-tos in writing. Then you can get the satisfaction of checking off your accomplishments.
And finally, give yourself self affirmations. You do not need to wait for others to tell you what a great job you're doing. You're opinion of yourself is what counts. Saying to yourself, "Great job!" or "Proud of you!" can give you the boost you need.
For those who are celebrating, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!
The best trick for making everything stop, is to practice being mindful. Mindful is being in the moment. It's when you only think about what is happening right in front of you. If you're at work, be in the moment at work. If you're writing a naughty or nice list--write the list. Give yourself the comfort of being submerged in one thing. And if you need a distraction from your daily responsibilites, be mindful in an enjoyable activity--preferably one that requires concentration.
Next, give yourself a list. I usually do not like lists, but if you find things are more chaotic than usual--put the have-tos in writing. Then you can get the satisfaction of checking off your accomplishments.
And finally, give yourself self affirmations. You do not need to wait for others to tell you what a great job you're doing. You're opinion of yourself is what counts. Saying to yourself, "Great job!" or "Proud of you!" can give you the boost you need.
For those who are celebrating, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!
October 27, 2021
Positivity
Have you ever noticed that we're quick to acknowledge when something bad happens, even if it's something small? Yet, many positive things go on during the day that we never pay attention to.
Did you know there may be a biological reason for this?
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Paul Maclean postulated the "Triune Brain Theory." He believed the human brain developed in three separate parts. He gave the name "reptilian," or "reptile brain," to the first section. Later research disproved the idea that our brains grew in sections. However, his research continues to have cultural significance.
The reptilian brain (early man's brain) controls the body’s biological functions and our fundamental needs. It acts on impulse. To survive, we had to focus on negative incidents in order to protect ourselves. If a group of people were out picking berries and one of them gets sick, it would be imperative to remember which berries are harmful. Good things could be taken in stride because they can happen over and over and we would still be safe.
In today's world, only recognizing the negative is problematic. It can make us feel anxious and depressed.
Take, for example, a writer who is in the process of trying to publish their novel. They send out their manuscript to 30 publishing houses, and today they received one rejection. The tendency is to remember the one rejection--not the light traffic, the sunny weather, or the money they saved on a sale item. Sure, in this case, the rejection letter may carry more weight, but it will be helpful to balance this negative by taking note of the positives. Dwelling on the rejection would prolong the disappointment.
Challenge yourself to be mindful when something goes your way, even the little things. This new focus should promote positivity and improve one's mental health!
Did you know there may be a biological reason for this?
Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Paul Maclean postulated the "Triune Brain Theory." He believed the human brain developed in three separate parts. He gave the name "reptilian," or "reptile brain," to the first section. Later research disproved the idea that our brains grew in sections. However, his research continues to have cultural significance.
The reptilian brain (early man's brain) controls the body’s biological functions and our fundamental needs. It acts on impulse. To survive, we had to focus on negative incidents in order to protect ourselves. If a group of people were out picking berries and one of them gets sick, it would be imperative to remember which berries are harmful. Good things could be taken in stride because they can happen over and over and we would still be safe.
In today's world, only recognizing the negative is problematic. It can make us feel anxious and depressed.
Take, for example, a writer who is in the process of trying to publish their novel. They send out their manuscript to 30 publishing houses, and today they received one rejection. The tendency is to remember the one rejection--not the light traffic, the sunny weather, or the money they saved on a sale item. Sure, in this case, the rejection letter may carry more weight, but it will be helpful to balance this negative by taking note of the positives. Dwelling on the rejection would prolong the disappointment.
Challenge yourself to be mindful when something goes your way, even the little things. This new focus should promote positivity and improve one's mental health!
October 6, 2021
Better Left Unsaid
Filler words are the words we use to indicate a pause. They may also be used to emphasize a point; however, they often weaken writing and can distract the reader. Examples of filler words are: just, basically, really, very, even, and maybe. What causes them to have a negative effect?
Strong writing is clear and concise. Words that can be removed without changing the meaning of a sentence can be monotonous, slow down the pace, and lessen the reader's focus. Unnecessary words impact a story's credibility.
The following is an example of the importance of a single word. During one of the therapy groups I was leading, the subject of peer pressure came up. We role-played how to be direct when telling someone we do not want to do something. The statement, "I don't think I want to have another drink." sounds weak in comparison to, "I don't want to have another drink." There's only one word that differentiates these two responses. Leaving out the word "think" drastically changes the tone.
A writer must be aware of the tenor of their work. Wordy, ambiguous scripts detract from the story. Removing filler words creates an opportunity for stronger writing.
Here's two tricks for cutting back on fillers. 1) If the sentence has the same meaning without the word, remove it. 2) If a word is being used to emphasize another word, remove it or remove it and replace the other word with a more dynamic one. For example; "It's really good to edit your work." Can be changed to, "It's important to edit your work."
In a casual conversation adding a filler, like in the sentiment, "I'm 'very' happy for you," may sound lovely. Using them throughout a 200+ page novel, diminishes the intended emphases. It's interesting that in the case of writing, using fewer words will often have a greater impact.
Strong writing is clear and concise. Words that can be removed without changing the meaning of a sentence can be monotonous, slow down the pace, and lessen the reader's focus. Unnecessary words impact a story's credibility.
The following is an example of the importance of a single word. During one of the therapy groups I was leading, the subject of peer pressure came up. We role-played how to be direct when telling someone we do not want to do something. The statement, "I don't think I want to have another drink." sounds weak in comparison to, "I don't want to have another drink." There's only one word that differentiates these two responses. Leaving out the word "think" drastically changes the tone.
A writer must be aware of the tenor of their work. Wordy, ambiguous scripts detract from the story. Removing filler words creates an opportunity for stronger writing.
Here's two tricks for cutting back on fillers. 1) If the sentence has the same meaning without the word, remove it. 2) If a word is being used to emphasize another word, remove it or remove it and replace the other word with a more dynamic one. For example; "It's really good to edit your work." Can be changed to, "It's important to edit your work."
In a casual conversation adding a filler, like in the sentiment, "I'm 'very' happy for you," may sound lovely. Using them throughout a 200+ page novel, diminishes the intended emphases. It's interesting that in the case of writing, using fewer words will often have a greater impact.
September 11, 2021
Root of the Problem
I've been thinking about writer's block. The phrase doesn't sit right with me. It makes me think of the physical act of writing, and more often the root of my block is with the direction of the plot. I guess I'd prefer to call it a creative block.
But the point is, it's actually very important to properly identify a problem. Giving something an inaccurate label can create a complication that doesn't exist. If in my mind the term 'writer's block' makes me think of the written word, I might think the solution is to sit at my computer and type out different storylines. However, if I believe my problem is really which direction the plot should go in, I might take a very different approach, leave my desk and walk around outside where I can clear my mind and think.
Here's another example of the importance of accurately identifying a problem. Yesterday I woke up with my heartbeat going a little faster than usual. I immediately thought I was feeling anxious. I tried to think if something was upsetting me from the night before. Then I realized I forgot to turn my fan on. It wasn't anxiety; I was simply too warm! It's easy to see how working on the wrong problem here would not only not solve the situation but could also create an issue where one never existed.
Next time you're having some difficulty, take a moment to think about the source. Properly identifying a problem is the first step to solving it!
But the point is, it's actually very important to properly identify a problem. Giving something an inaccurate label can create a complication that doesn't exist. If in my mind the term 'writer's block' makes me think of the written word, I might think the solution is to sit at my computer and type out different storylines. However, if I believe my problem is really which direction the plot should go in, I might take a very different approach, leave my desk and walk around outside where I can clear my mind and think.
Here's another example of the importance of accurately identifying a problem. Yesterday I woke up with my heartbeat going a little faster than usual. I immediately thought I was feeling anxious. I tried to think if something was upsetting me from the night before. Then I realized I forgot to turn my fan on. It wasn't anxiety; I was simply too warm! It's easy to see how working on the wrong problem here would not only not solve the situation but could also create an issue where one never existed.
Next time you're having some difficulty, take a moment to think about the source. Properly identifying a problem is the first step to solving it!
August 23, 2021
Being Effective
Making effective choices can help us reach our goals, but sometimes our need to be right can stand in our way.
At first, when we're faced with an obstacle, we often react emotionally and try to defend our present position. Let's take an everyday example. If you go into a store and the line to purchase your item is long, what should you do? You could complain to the manager, it's within your right to be annoyed, but that will not help you buy your item any faster. Even leaving the store and buying the product online may not be the answer. This will certainly take longer than waiting it out. Most likely, the best solution is to keep your cool and suffer the long line. You may be in your right to complain, but the most effective way for you to leave with your product is to wait.
The point is, when you have a goal in mind, don't let your emotions get the better of you. Being right about something may feel good in the moment, but it may not get you closer to success.
My first book, Camouflage, took me two years to find a publisher. I liked the original story but when more than one publisher said the action did not start soon enough, I put emotions to the side and acknowledged professionals in the industry know more than I do.
To reach your goals, analyze the reality of the situation. Validate your emotions and then put them aside. Take the necessary steps by focusing on what actions will be most effective. Then, you can take pride in knowing it was your effective behaviors that led you to success.
At first, when we're faced with an obstacle, we often react emotionally and try to defend our present position. Let's take an everyday example. If you go into a store and the line to purchase your item is long, what should you do? You could complain to the manager, it's within your right to be annoyed, but that will not help you buy your item any faster. Even leaving the store and buying the product online may not be the answer. This will certainly take longer than waiting it out. Most likely, the best solution is to keep your cool and suffer the long line. You may be in your right to complain, but the most effective way for you to leave with your product is to wait.
The point is, when you have a goal in mind, don't let your emotions get the better of you. Being right about something may feel good in the moment, but it may not get you closer to success.
My first book, Camouflage, took me two years to find a publisher. I liked the original story but when more than one publisher said the action did not start soon enough, I put emotions to the side and acknowledged professionals in the industry know more than I do.
To reach your goals, analyze the reality of the situation. Validate your emotions and then put them aside. Take the necessary steps by focusing on what actions will be most effective. Then, you can take pride in knowing it was your effective behaviors that led you to success.
August 9, 2021
Only 3?
I believe there are only 3 ways to deal with a problem. We can either (1) do nothing or try to ignore it, (2) attempt to cope, or (3) work on a solution. Depending on the situation any one of these could work, but coping or solving are probably the best choices.
Problems can be ignored, but they often don't go away. If you tend to be lazy, it may not bother you to miss an outing with friends, but the tendency to be lazy could be a major problem when looking for a publisher for your new book. If you opt to ignore a problem, take note if it's stopping you from reaching your goals. Identifying a characteristic that's standing in your way is the first step to changing it.
Attempting to cope with a problem might be the perfect in-between step when you'd actually like to work on an issue but feel overwhelmed by it. For example, let's say you completed a novel. You send it to a bunch of publishers, and everyone rejects it. Initially, you may need to check your feelings. Rejections don't have to mean it's time to give up. Rejections can mean you haven't found the right publisher for your book, or your novel needs work but still has a lot of potential. Taking the time to "cope" can give you the level-head necessary to make the right choices going forward.
The third choice when faced with a problem is to try and solve it. You have your wits about you, and you're ready to do the behaviors necessary to work on it. In the example of not finding a publisher, you've recognized that a rewrite is needed, or maybe you have decided that there are publishers out there that could be a better fit.
Being aware of our difficulties, and thinking about the best way to manage them, can help us cope with a problem. Recognizing these 3 strategies can help us choose the right one when needed. Difficulties that are ignored could hold us back. Managing our feelings could help us choose the right path. And, solving the problem can take us closer to our goals!
Problems can be ignored, but they often don't go away. If you tend to be lazy, it may not bother you to miss an outing with friends, but the tendency to be lazy could be a major problem when looking for a publisher for your new book. If you opt to ignore a problem, take note if it's stopping you from reaching your goals. Identifying a characteristic that's standing in your way is the first step to changing it.
Attempting to cope with a problem might be the perfect in-between step when you'd actually like to work on an issue but feel overwhelmed by it. For example, let's say you completed a novel. You send it to a bunch of publishers, and everyone rejects it. Initially, you may need to check your feelings. Rejections don't have to mean it's time to give up. Rejections can mean you haven't found the right publisher for your book, or your novel needs work but still has a lot of potential. Taking the time to "cope" can give you the level-head necessary to make the right choices going forward.
The third choice when faced with a problem is to try and solve it. You have your wits about you, and you're ready to do the behaviors necessary to work on it. In the example of not finding a publisher, you've recognized that a rewrite is needed, or maybe you have decided that there are publishers out there that could be a better fit.
Being aware of our difficulties, and thinking about the best way to manage them, can help us cope with a problem. Recognizing these 3 strategies can help us choose the right one when needed. Difficulties that are ignored could hold us back. Managing our feelings could help us choose the right path. And, solving the problem can take us closer to our goals!
July 18, 2021
Take Control
As a therapist, I enjoy doing research on goal attainment. I was reading about primary and secondary emotions, and it's clear we can help ourselves reach our goals if we act before negative secondary emotions kick in. Being aware of what happens after our initial response passes can have a huge impact on whether we continue to try or if we give up on something we desire.
Our primary emotions are our gut reactions. They're the first thing we feel. If you're trying to find an agent for your new novel, and you receive a rejection letter, you may feel sad or disappointed. Our initial reactions should always be accepted and validated.
Secondary emotions are the ones we have time to put thought into. They are how we've learned to react to our initial feelings. In the example of receiving a rejection letter, if you feel disappointed you may have learned that when you have this feeling it's tied to not being good at something. If this happens, you may start to feel insecure, and therefore not send your book out again.
Our secondary emotions can also help us. If you're rejected by an agent and feel sad, maybe you've learned that sadness often means there's a situation that needs changing. Now you may be feeling motivated.
The key to success is how you act in between your primary and secondary emotions. Think about where your secondary emotions are leading you. If you find they are taking you down a negative path, take the focus away from your feelings. Focus on what behaviors will help you move forward.
Don't let your emotions stop you from reaching your goals. Stay in control of the situation, and avoid letting negative secondary emotions hold you back. The right behavior can keep you on the road to success.
Our primary emotions are our gut reactions. They're the first thing we feel. If you're trying to find an agent for your new novel, and you receive a rejection letter, you may feel sad or disappointed. Our initial reactions should always be accepted and validated.
Secondary emotions are the ones we have time to put thought into. They are how we've learned to react to our initial feelings. In the example of receiving a rejection letter, if you feel disappointed you may have learned that when you have this feeling it's tied to not being good at something. If this happens, you may start to feel insecure, and therefore not send your book out again.
Our secondary emotions can also help us. If you're rejected by an agent and feel sad, maybe you've learned that sadness often means there's a situation that needs changing. Now you may be feeling motivated.
The key to success is how you act in between your primary and secondary emotions. Think about where your secondary emotions are leading you. If you find they are taking you down a negative path, take the focus away from your feelings. Focus on what behaviors will help you move forward.
Don't let your emotions stop you from reaching your goals. Stay in control of the situation, and avoid letting negative secondary emotions hold you back. The right behavior can keep you on the road to success.
June 30, 2021
Finding Confidence
How important is having confidence? Studies have shown that having confidence can increase our ability to solve problems. We've also discovered that people are more likely to trust someone that appears confident. But, maybe even more important, having confidence can help us feel better when we're faced with upsetting situations.
I believe the key to confidence is embedded in the concept of a "locus of control." Postulated by Julian Rotter, it refers to the varying degrees we feel we have control of things versus the degree that external things have control over us.
It's easy to see how someone could feel insecure if they constantly had to wait for someone else's approval. Let's say you're a writer. If the only way you value what you created is based on how others rate it, then you're subjected to the whim of external forces.
So, how can we develop a strong sense of being in control?
First, accept and appreciate who you are. We all have flaws. It's ok to work on them, but it is not helpful to saddle yourself with negativity. Always acknowledge your accomplishments and use self affirmations –– positive statements about yourself –– for encouragement.
Next, remember that you're in control of your actions. How you respond to negative news is your choice. Just as how you act when you get positive news. Build on your accomplishments, and work on the failures.
And, finally, outside forces affect us but we can dictate to what degree. Self appreciation and the knowledge that we are capable of initiating our own coping behaviors will bolster feelings of having an internal locus of control. Armed with this feeling, the power that comes with confidence is yours!
I believe the key to confidence is embedded in the concept of a "locus of control." Postulated by Julian Rotter, it refers to the varying degrees we feel we have control of things versus the degree that external things have control over us.
It's easy to see how someone could feel insecure if they constantly had to wait for someone else's approval. Let's say you're a writer. If the only way you value what you created is based on how others rate it, then you're subjected to the whim of external forces.
So, how can we develop a strong sense of being in control?
First, accept and appreciate who you are. We all have flaws. It's ok to work on them, but it is not helpful to saddle yourself with negativity. Always acknowledge your accomplishments and use self affirmations –– positive statements about yourself –– for encouragement.
Next, remember that you're in control of your actions. How you respond to negative news is your choice. Just as how you act when you get positive news. Build on your accomplishments, and work on the failures.
And, finally, outside forces affect us but we can dictate to what degree. Self appreciation and the knowledge that we are capable of initiating our own coping behaviors will bolster feelings of having an internal locus of control. Armed with this feeling, the power that comes with confidence is yours!
June 8, 2021
Reject the Rejection Blues
It's often a rocky path to our goals. But that does not mean you won't get there. Here’s my top 5 ways to brush yourself off and keep going, when things don't go your way!
1-Validate your feelings. It’s okay to be upset, angry, scared… any feeling you have is valid. Tell yourself that you accept that you feel this way. You can also validate your feelings by acknowledging them and saying to yourself, “It will be alright. We will find a way to deal with this.” It may seem silly, but trying to discount the way you feel could actually hurt your chances of success. You could pretend rejections don’t bother you at all, but this could lead to discounting the importance of your goals.
2-Be accurate. Don't dramatize the hurdle. Take for example, sending in a novel and a publishing house rejecting it. One rejection — even 50 rejections –– does not mean everyone and everyplace will pass on your idea. It just means this place did. When processing what happened, stick to the facts.
3-Look for the positive. In the example of a book rejection, perhaps the response came with a critique you could capitalize on. This type of rejection gave me great encouragement. Someone in the industry took the time to comment. Knowing they would look for my rewrite kept my spirits up. If you receive a form letter rejection, cross them off your list. At least you don’t have to wait any longer for their answer.
4-For every obstacle, find two ways to keep going. If I received a rejection on a query, I would look for two more places to send my novel. Keep the momentum going. Don't let a set back knock you off the path... go around it and power on.
5-Focus on your goal. The truth is, you only have to live with the rejection blues if you focus on the difficulties. Once you validate your feelings, try any of the suggestions above. We all face setbacks. It's how you move on from them that matters.
You can do it!
1-Validate your feelings. It’s okay to be upset, angry, scared… any feeling you have is valid. Tell yourself that you accept that you feel this way. You can also validate your feelings by acknowledging them and saying to yourself, “It will be alright. We will find a way to deal with this.” It may seem silly, but trying to discount the way you feel could actually hurt your chances of success. You could pretend rejections don’t bother you at all, but this could lead to discounting the importance of your goals.
2-Be accurate. Don't dramatize the hurdle. Take for example, sending in a novel and a publishing house rejecting it. One rejection — even 50 rejections –– does not mean everyone and everyplace will pass on your idea. It just means this place did. When processing what happened, stick to the facts.
3-Look for the positive. In the example of a book rejection, perhaps the response came with a critique you could capitalize on. This type of rejection gave me great encouragement. Someone in the industry took the time to comment. Knowing they would look for my rewrite kept my spirits up. If you receive a form letter rejection, cross them off your list. At least you don’t have to wait any longer for their answer.
4-For every obstacle, find two ways to keep going. If I received a rejection on a query, I would look for two more places to send my novel. Keep the momentum going. Don't let a set back knock you off the path... go around it and power on.
5-Focus on your goal. The truth is, you only have to live with the rejection blues if you focus on the difficulties. Once you validate your feelings, try any of the suggestions above. We all face setbacks. It's how you move on from them that matters.
You can do it!
May 22, 2021
All the Angles
Is it possible to analyze our own work? Can we really be objective? As I thought about the answers to these questions, I was reminded of the concept of "dialectical thinking": viewing something from many sides.
Seeing things from all angles can foster good communication with others. To think dialectically, one must keep an open mind and listen to the other person's point of view. We can use the same principles to analyze our own creations.
The following is a list of 3 benefits to appreciating all sides of something: 1) It can expand our thoughts. 2) Thinking with an open mind allows us to develop different opportunities. 3) Opening our mind can help us make well thought out decisions.
Understanding the importance of these benefits, can enable us to think objectively. For example: 1) "expand your thoughts" by being open to critique. Praise is great to hear, but it's criticism that will help you improve. 2) If you suspect something is not working, opening your mind will enable you to analyze if a change is needed. 3) Once you can accept that alternative ways of doing something exist, you can explore how to proceed.
We are often attached to what we create. As an author, I feel passionate about what I write. However, I learned that listening to others, particularly the comments of professionals in the field, gave me the opportunity to improve. Keeping an open mind and studying something from all angles is not always easy, but the benefits of learning how to truly analyze one's work will help create a superior product.
Seeing things from all angles can foster good communication with others. To think dialectically, one must keep an open mind and listen to the other person's point of view. We can use the same principles to analyze our own creations.
The following is a list of 3 benefits to appreciating all sides of something: 1) It can expand our thoughts. 2) Thinking with an open mind allows us to develop different opportunities. 3) Opening our mind can help us make well thought out decisions.
Understanding the importance of these benefits, can enable us to think objectively. For example: 1) "expand your thoughts" by being open to critique. Praise is great to hear, but it's criticism that will help you improve. 2) If you suspect something is not working, opening your mind will enable you to analyze if a change is needed. 3) Once you can accept that alternative ways of doing something exist, you can explore how to proceed.
We are often attached to what we create. As an author, I feel passionate about what I write. However, I learned that listening to others, particularly the comments of professionals in the field, gave me the opportunity to improve. Keeping an open mind and studying something from all angles is not always easy, but the benefits of learning how to truly analyze one's work will help create a superior product.
