Ivy Keating's Blog - Posts Tagged "confidence"
Right or Wrong
When you ask someone's opinion, whether it's on a book you've written or how you look in a new sweater, you open yourself up to criticism. But, how do you know when to listen to advice or ignore it? How do you know what's right or wrong for you?
The first thing to consider is, who is giving you the advice? Does this person have expertise in the field? In the example of writing a book, if the critique is from a publisher, the critique should be considered seriously.
Next, think about your expertise on the subject. In the example of writing a book, are you a new author? If you are, then definitely listen to criticism. This doesn't mean you have to change anything, but it's definitely a learning opportunity.
Most importantly, understand yourself. What are your limitations? What do you need help with? What are you good at? What are you confident about? You must really know you and be secure with what you are presenting. This will help you know from within if a change is needed.
The decision to change something about your work or wardrobe has to feel right for you. Keep an open mind to feedback, particularly from people who have knowledge on the subject, but the final decision must come from within.
The first thing to consider is, who is giving you the advice? Does this person have expertise in the field? In the example of writing a book, if the critique is from a publisher, the critique should be considered seriously.
Next, think about your expertise on the subject. In the example of writing a book, are you a new author? If you are, then definitely listen to criticism. This doesn't mean you have to change anything, but it's definitely a learning opportunity.
Most importantly, understand yourself. What are your limitations? What do you need help with? What are you good at? What are you confident about? You must really know you and be secure with what you are presenting. This will help you know from within if a change is needed.
The decision to change something about your work or wardrobe has to feel right for you. Keep an open mind to feedback, particularly from people who have knowledge on the subject, but the final decision must come from within.
Finding Confidence
How important is having confidence? Studies have shown that having confidence can increase our ability to solve problems. We've also discovered that people are more likely to trust someone that appears confident. But, maybe even more important, having confidence can help us feel better when we're faced with upsetting situations.
I believe the key to confidence is embedded in the concept of a "locus of control." Postulated by Julian Rotter, it refers to the varying degrees we feel we have control of things versus the degree that external things have control over us.
It's easy to see how someone could feel insecure if they constantly had to wait for someone else's approval. Let's say you're a writer. If the only way you value what you created is based on how others rate it, then you're subjected to the whim of external forces.
So, how can we develop a strong sense of being in control?
First, accept and appreciate who you are. We all have flaws. It's ok to work on them, but it is not helpful to saddle yourself with negativity. Always acknowledge your accomplishments and use self affirmations –– positive statements about yourself –– for encouragement.
Next, remember that you're in control of your actions. How you respond to negative news is your choice. Just as how you act when you get positive news. Build on your accomplishments, and work on the failures.
And, finally, outside forces affect us but we can dictate to what degree. Self appreciation and the knowledge that we are capable of initiating our own coping behaviors will bolster feelings of having an internal locus of control. Armed with this feeling, the power that comes with confidence is yours!
I believe the key to confidence is embedded in the concept of a "locus of control." Postulated by Julian Rotter, it refers to the varying degrees we feel we have control of things versus the degree that external things have control over us.
It's easy to see how someone could feel insecure if they constantly had to wait for someone else's approval. Let's say you're a writer. If the only way you value what you created is based on how others rate it, then you're subjected to the whim of external forces.
So, how can we develop a strong sense of being in control?
First, accept and appreciate who you are. We all have flaws. It's ok to work on them, but it is not helpful to saddle yourself with negativity. Always acknowledge your accomplishments and use self affirmations –– positive statements about yourself –– for encouragement.
Next, remember that you're in control of your actions. How you respond to negative news is your choice. Just as how you act when you get positive news. Build on your accomplishments, and work on the failures.
And, finally, outside forces affect us but we can dictate to what degree. Self appreciation and the knowledge that we are capable of initiating our own coping behaviors will bolster feelings of having an internal locus of control. Armed with this feeling, the power that comes with confidence is yours!
