David Andrew Jaffe's Blog, page 13

My Son, and Next-Level Pride

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I witnessed something truly remarkable and inspiring recently.

And the greatness of the moment was so much more profound because of its source:

My son.

Beaming with Pride

My son has been quite a student these past several years, ever since he finally found a school that fully clicked with his personality and abilities.

His grades are off-the-charts and his work ethic is second to none. And while he’s been acing class after class, he has also earned himself a blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, taught himself to play guitar, and dabbled in countless other activities and hobbies (including two awesome business endeavors: Custom Mazes and Stock Photography).

And I couldn’t be more proud.

Or at least I thought I couldn’t. Until recently.

The Cinema Project

One of his classes these last few years was cinema. His final project was enormous, and required an immense amount of time, effort, creativity, and organization. And he attacked the task with ferocity… and perhaps a bit of insanity.

There was a period we barely saw him. He would go out to his school to film in the morning, and come back to edit for hours and hours with one of his partners. He was pulling countless all-nighters. He wouldn’t rest while he was putting his project together, so long as work needed to be done.

And he was exhausted.

And to be honest, I was getting a bit worried about him.

He wasn’t getting nearly enough sleep. He was sustaining himself on snacks and Coke. And he was neglecting pretty much everything else one usually deems important in life.

Nevertheless, he persisted. And he was making real progress.

The Unlikely Proposal

One evening he came home with a proposal.

His cinema class was divided into three groups. The class had been going on for three years and the final projects needed to be at least twenty minutes long. Anyone who has dabbled in video production in any manner knows this is no small feat. Most people not yet initiated think making videos isn’t so challenging. You film, you edit a little, and voila, the creation is complete.

Not quite. Those of us who have given it a try know that for a thirty-second clip, you can easily spend hours trying to make everything perfect. And even when you’re finished, you’ll still have what you could do. There really is no end to how much you can continue to perfect what you’re working on. And this project had to be 20 minutes!

And then there are hundreds of additional matters that need to be considered. Lighting. Casting. Scheduling with your actors (in this case, all volunteers). Budget (or lack thereof). Equipment and setting limitations. Deadlines. Working in a group. Transportation with equipment.

Endless details.

So it’s no surprise that when all the smoke clears, and you near the completion of your epic work, you will be beaming with pride and you’ll want to show the world.

So what was his proposal?

My Son on the Big Stage

Shlomo wanted to make a giant program where he would show off the final projects to all visitors. But that wasn’t all. He didn’t want a lousy projector in a cramped and uncomfortable school auditorium in the middle of nowhere. He dreamed of a program where he would show all of these films (and more) on the big screen of Jerusalem’s Cinematheque, “one of Israel’s leading and most influential cultural institutions”.

I’ll admit (head lowered), I didn’t think this was going to happen. I encouraged Shlomo to pursue the possibility, but in the back of my mind, all I could think of were all the reasons it was unlikely to succeed. It cost too much money. The school wouldn’t be supportive. The Cinematheque wouldn’t take them seriously. Not enough time to make it work. There’d be a lack of interest. It would be too hard to organize, making it way too easy to give up. And on and on and on.

But he didn’t even consider any of those possible objections. The concept was already there, and anything less than making it happen was simply not an option.

But my cynicism still reigned supreme. No one would show up. It would be a technological disaster. It would be set up in a way that people were bored to tears with incessant, dull speeches.

I couldn’t be happier how wrong I was. About everything!

Exceeding All Expectations

My son attacked the event planning with the same fervor he attacked his cinema project. In fact, in the same manner he attacks pretty much any task set before him.

And the results exceeded all possible expectations.

There was a good-sized crowd. Every last detail was considered, from what videos would be shown, to the best possible order, to who would speak, when, and for how long.

And despite the fact that I’m the type of person who starts inadvertently nodding off about 30 seconds into most public presentations, I was engaged from start to finish of an unbelievable evening.

And the pride I feel is overwhelming.

What just happened here??

My son, think about what you just did!

Most people will go through their whole lives never planning and organizing a 20-minute film. They’ll never arrange an event and speak in front of a large crowd of friends, family, and complete strangers. And it has not yet been stressed: This was done entirely in your second language!

And you’re only 18!

So, what happened this year? You took more classes than you were supposed to, because you added on an extra Physics class, since the subject matter interested you. You aced everything. And you did all this while staying physically fit, exploring a whole lot of hobbies, and having a whole lot of leisure time on top of it all.

So what’d you do? You decided to put a big ole fat cherry on top of everything and create an epic event from scratch, accomplishing things in your youth many people two or three times your age have never managed to do. And you did it to perfection!

So yeah, the word “proud” feels like it doesn’t properly convey how I’m feeling.

It’s not enough.

And you know what’s crazier than any of this?

I think there is so much more to come. I think you’ve only begun to scratch the surface. I think you’re only using a portion of your potential at the moment.

I can’t wait to see what comes next!

The post My Son, and Next-Level Pride is featured at Jaffe World.

The Picture to Upset 1,000 Snowflakes

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I saw something terribly disturbing the other day.

A friend posted on Facebook a picture of her daughter, standing tall in her IDF uniform, semi-automatic assault rifle prominently dangled over her shoulder.

I couldn’t believe my eyes!

How could someone do something this bothersome?

Oh, please God no. I am not talking about her posting the picture. The picture was amazing. The IDF is a noble and ultra-important institution. And pride in your children is just about the most important thing a parent can have!

No, I was disturbed by the fact that someone actually wrote to this parent taking offense at the picture.

Insensitivity to Gun Violence

Yes, someone said it was insensitive. Why? Because gun violence is currently rampant in America and people are dying on the streets. How can you be so callous as to glorify guns when the world is overloaded with such tragedy?

The only thing I hated more than the fact that someone complained, is that the author of the post then felt like she owed an apology.

Let me get something very straight here:

Stop it.

Stop being offended by everything you see.

Stop trying to create false connections between things because you are obsessed with finding fault in the things people do, and you wish to find ways to demonstrate how insensitive everyone else is.

And stop trying to push everyone in the world to apologize all the time.

Stop Apologizing

And to the rest of us: Stop apologizing!

The Jewish people spent most of modern history running or getting beat down. Now we have our own nation and a powerful military that exists to defend that nation. And guess what? It’s not going to defend itself with hugs or flowery speeches. Those rifles (which, by the way, are used by militaries across the world) are absolutely essential.

They are not offensive. Putting them down would be offensive! Making someone feel guilt for carrying one here is offensive.

So I am not upset by the picture of an IDF soldier.

I look at it with pride. I will have a child in the IDF ridiculously soon, and even before it happens I already know I will be overloaded with pride.

But I’m upset that someone would dare tell a parent not to look at such a picture with anything less than the highest levels of pride. And equally upset that the parent apologized.

Misdirected Anger

I remember when I was in college (many moons ago), I was following an online forum about Jewish-themed topics. At one point I found myself appalled at how upset people were at what I felt was an irrelevant topic.

What was eating these people up so badly?

They were bothered by seeing public Christmas tree displays in the cafeterias of their universities.

Yes, they were afraid that the Christmas-fervor goblins would jump from the trees and rob them of their autonomy to practice their own religion.

Even then I had no idea what they were so upset about. Were the tree people telling them not to practice their own religion? Were they threatening them? Were they making powerful and deceitful attempts to convert them to their faith?

Nope. None of the above. They were just celebrating their holiday.

How fragile of a connection to your own faith must you have to be bothered by others practicing their religion?

How fragile of a connection to your own faith must you have to be bothered by others practicing their religion?
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Bothered by Everything

But for the longest time, this has been getting pushed into the American mind. We must seek offense in every word or action performed by others. We must find things to be bothered about. We must judge everything we see as an affront to our own lifestyle, and push hard to get everyone to conform to a societal view that discourages variety and banishes all cultures.

And this is not OK.

I can argue the logical difference between the rampant mass shootings in America versus Israeli soldiers carrying around firearms. It’s apples and oranges. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the difference between deranged murdering lunatics and young adults working hard every single day to protect a nation and the Jewish people’s right to a homeland.

But arguing that point does a disservice to the main point, which is we all need to stop being bothered by everything we see, and even if we are bothered, we need to learn to not let that interfere with other people’s lives.

A Picture Worth 1,000 Grievances

I don’t know how the thought pattern went, but I presume it was something like this: I’m upset and frustrated because terrible things are happening in America… and they involve guns. Hey, my friend just posted a prideful picture of her daughter in the army… and there’s also a gun. That’s poorly timed and insensitive! I must shame her for not thinking the matter through. This does not end until she apologizes to me, the victim of someone else’s thoughtlessness.

If you think like this often: Just stop it.

First of all, it’s not about you. It’s not even slightly about you. Frankly, neither the gun violence in America nor the daughter’s picture is about you. Even if an apology were needed (it wasn’t), you need to recognize that the apology would be to mass-shooting victims and not you… probably sitting in a New Jersey suburban condo, sipping chamomile tea and waiting around for the next thing that will bother you.

Second of all, just because you think there’s a connection, doesn’t mean there is. I’m not going to run around and demand anyone with a mustache apologize to me because Hitler also had a mustache. And even if their mustache were offensive (it isn’t), why would the apology be directed at me in the first place?

Refocusing Your Attention

Finally, the world is filled with real issues. Pressing matters we collectively should be working hard to solve. Poverty. Starvation. Child abuse. Slavery. Endless real pain and real suffering!

When you waste your time hunting for the offensive picture or word in the objectively normal and non-offensive, you’re wasting your time. You’re wasting the world’s time. And you’re tricking yourself into thinking you’re making a positive impact.

You are not.

You are not the solution. No, you exacerbate the problem while pretending like you’re noble.

For the sake of all that’s good in this world, knock it off and find something positive to do with your time.

The post The Picture to Upset 1,000 Snowflakes is featured at Jaffe World.

The Polarized Abortion World

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I don’t have a dog in the abortion fight. And I’m fairly certain there are more than a few folk out there who will emphatically exclaim that I have no right to speak on the subject at all, since I lack the requisite uterus that would give me the right to an opinion.

But I’m confused. And when I’m confused, I seek clarity. And nothing can stop that.

A Perplexing Debate

Since I was a kid, this debate has perplexed me. And as the world gets more and more polarized, my confusion is getting worse as well.

You see, the debate has always been between Pro-Choice and Pro-Life. And what a world it is when no matter what side you take, you’ve chosen to oppose something sacred. But no one walks around saying they’re Anti-Choice. And no one proudly shouts they are Anti-Life.

So what we’re left with is just propaganda. Two sides place the foundation down that makes their “opponent” look wicked, and shut off any chance of intellectual or honest discussion.

And that’s exactly what has become of the situation.

Abortion Debate Presentation

One side presents all those who get an abortion as those mutilating eight-month-old fully-formed fetuses, simply because they decided having a child is not for them and they’d prefer partying on the beach.

And the other side presents all abortions as the result of incestual rape, occurring to protect the emotional and physical health of an innocent minor, just a matter of weeks into a pregnancy with an amorphous batch of cells just sitting inside of her.

And there’s no middle ground. There’s no room for discussion. There’s no room for any type of compromise whatsoever.

And how could there be?

Both sides are 100% correct, fighting for ideals like life and choice, without any regard to the fact that within any fanatical approach to any topic lies inconsistencies and hypocrisies.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. It really doesn’t.

It likely will stay this way for a long time to come. But that doesn’t mean it’s reasonable.

My Abortion Questions

So I ask these questions. I’m not trying to ruffle any feathers. I legitimately want to know the answers.

For the camp of those adamantly pro-abortion:

Does anyone in the world ever want to get an abortion?

Seriously, it is not presented by the other world as some type of birth control for the careless, but as a first choice for some. Are there folk roaming around this world ignoring all other forms of birth control in favor of just taking care of business by whatever means is convenient at the time?

I suspect the answer is no. Or at least if it exists, it does so at such minuscule numbers as to be statistically irrelevant.

But let’s say they do exist. Are you 100% OK with that? If so, that’s absolutely your prerogative. But if you, the ardent supporter of abortions, are not so OK with this, please ask yourself: Why not?

Is There a Border?

If it’s just lifeless cells, and a woman has full control over her body in every way, why would an abortion ever bother you? Maybe you don’t want your tax dollars going toward it, but that’s a whole other part of the conversation.

If this, or any type of abortion in the world, bothers you, you have to ask yourself: Do I have a border at which this procedure makes me uncomfortable? If so, why is that? Is it possible that even though I firmly believe in a woman’s autonomy over her person, there’s still a border I don’t think should be crossed lightly?

And if so, where might that border extend? Am I comfortable with an abortion at any stage along the way of a pregnancy? If the answer is anything less than yes, then you have, believe it or not, found some level of common ground with your perceived enemy.

And speaking of that perceived enemy, the other side is not off the hook when it comes to difficult questions.

And What About the Other Side?

Do you really believe the life of the unborn is equal to that of the living? Are you willing to risk or even sacrifice the mother for the sake of saving the unborn? And if not, would this also apply to the mental and emotional damage that could result from having a child you don’t want or cannot manage?

Are you OK with those who take violent measures to prevent abortions? Do you not see the blatant and obvious hypocrisy in such a stance?

Can you not concede that even though you might vehemently oppose abortions in most or even all circumstances, you tend to oppose the better alternatives as well? These include readily available birth control or comprehensive sex education curricula.

So much can be done to prevent someone from even ending up in this position in the first place. Yet you cry out for either abstinence or having the unwanted child. Do you not see that screaming for abstinence is naive at best, utterly stupid at worst? You’re just adamantly telling the world to go against its nature, and then getting angry with those who succumb, as if it were not inevitable.

And without the right education, you’re just dooming the young or the less-educated to a life of having unwanted children. And you’re populating the world with children who don’t stand a chance.

Can you not see better alternatives? Is there no compromise in your world, or do you just ignore human nature, biology, and the inevitable outcome of a system as poorly thought through as what you advocate?

The Yearn for Civilized Dialogue

Maybe the answers to my questions will come easy. To both sides. Perhaps the world has already succumbed to polarization and fanaticism. And those with different opinions will never get along, nor attempt a reasonable dialogue.

But I’m still holding out for a better alternative. My faith in humanity, albeit shaken, is strong.

I believe we can sit down and discuss the matter like reasonable adults. We can find where similar viewpoints overlap, where similarities in thoughts coincide. We can intelligently devise plans that help get everyone what they want, or at least close enough to it that they don’t have to step on others.

And if we can find common ground here and have a civilized dialogue here, then who knows what we could accomplish next. Gun control? Immigration? Censorship?

I want to live in a world in which we get to speak to one another, attempt to understand one another, and sit down to come up with viable solutions for the greater good.

Or is the world already too far gone?

The post The Polarized Abortion World is featured at Jaffe World.

Breaking from Comfort, Emerging Better on the Other Side

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Comfort? Not always the way things go around here.

Things seem to hit in waves. Sometimes it’s just overwhelming.

The past few months have been heaps and heaps of stress. And it’s like the classic tale of the person relentlessly trying to scoop water out of his boat, while more water continuously gets in through cracks and crevices.

I want to demolish all those items that are causing insane amounts of pressure, but they never seem to go away. Rather, they get new friends. All the time. And before I know it, I’m just covered from head to toe in worries, new and old, all coming together to make every day a new and unique challenge.

Change Your Place, Change Your Luck

There’s a Jewish concept: Change your place, change your luck.

I think in general it’s good advice. If nothing seems to be going the way you want it, maybe it’s time to pick up and go somewhere else. It’s unclear if it’s practical advice, or spirtual advice. Or some combination.

And there’s not a lot of information given. Is this a physical location or a circumstance? Could it include switching jobs or trying out a different social setting? Is it better to make sure you have a clear, intelligent plan before you hop up and uproot your life, or is it more important to change right away, before you talk yourself out of things?

And that’s where I feel like I stand all the time lately.

Comfort vs Healthy Disruption

I’m stuck between two different ideals.

I thrive with structure and order. I wake up at around the same time every day. I generally follow a pattern, with lists dictating all sorts of daily tasks I want to accomplish. And by the time I go to sleep, I feel like a long day has come to an end, and I did a whole lot with the day.

And that structure keeps me grounded. And it keeps me busy, distracted, and for the most part, fulfilled.

But it comes at a cost. For one, I am uncomfortable with unforeseen disruptions to my peaceful order. I don’t even particularly like vacations, because they uproot my system. They take me out of my element, and I feel like I’m preoccupied with what I’m not doing, rather than just enjoying the moment.

Furthermore, I’m a slave to my own productivity. No one is monitoring me but me. Yet there’s a great sense of failure when the tasks do not get conquered.

Finally, it shuts me off to the wonderful world of spontaneity. There’s a whole gorgeous universe out there that requires no planning. That, in fact, preferably exists without planning. It’s the ability to drop everything and go out and do something you’ve never done before. It’s the power of the unknown. It’s following the moment, wherever it might lead you.

I used to have a spontaneous heart. Somewhere in adulthood, it seeped out of me and is nowhere to be found.

A Busy Blanket

That all being said, my orderly and busy life is kind of like a childish security blanket that I cling to when the days are challenging.

And… they’re always challenging.

But it doesn’t in any way address the greater issues. Those issues are oppressive and don’t seem to budge. In order to vanquish those problems, something much bigger will need to happen.

Change your place, change your luck.

Perhaps the first step to breaking the pattern of unrelenting challenges is to force a giant change. Leave my standard Jerusalem apartment and large grocery stores and move up north, where I can fish for my dinner. Grab a backpack and my laptop, and trek across Europe working in random coffee shops. Quit my job and pursue a new career in something that I’m passionate about but has a very unlikely chance of success.

Or perhaps nothing quite so drastic. Pick up a new hobby. Move neighborhoods. Switch grocery stores. Try a new recipe. Something that breaks me out of the rut, and pulls me far outside my comfort zone.

Weight Lifting vs Sports

Sometimes I wonder why my “sport” of choice is weight lifting. I never really excelled in any team sport. I found many of them fun, but I couldn’t really muster up the passion to even attempt to become anything more than a beginner.

Weight lifting is a very personal activity. You, by yourself, pick up something heavy. Obviously there are a whole lot of other details, but that’s it in its simplest form. And if you don’t get injured, there are few surprises.

But with most organized sports, you must handle the unpredictable at all times. Someone might tackle you from any side. The ball can whiz by you at different heights and speeds. You can get punched or kicked from multiple angles, and the slightest zig or zag the wrong way can be catastrophic.

But I don’t take on those challenges, and instead prefer the comfort of my inanimate weights. But to paraphrase Bruce Lee, “Weights don’t hit back.”

Without a Plan

And that really is the main point here. I’m afraid of the unknown. I’m terrified of going in without a plan.

And why shouldn’t I be?

Sure, the final destinations along the way have been nothing short of miraculous. But the process of getting from point A to point B has always been filled with dangerous landmines. And to be frank, I’m sick and tired of stepping on them.

I want to wake up in the same bed as the month or year before, and melt into my routine, because that’s where comfort lies.

Comfort vs Risk

But comfort does not lead to success. The ability to ignore comfort and take wild risks is where you can find great triumphant mastery of life.

If I buy $1000 worth of a new stock, I can be penniless in a matter of months. Or I could have invested in the next Google or Amazon.

But I’m more likely to seek comfort in just keeping everything in my regular ole bank account. Pay my bills. Buy some groceries. And go on my merry way.

And even if my instincts tell me to drop everything and buy that stock, I’ll likely just keep on being the guy who answers customer emails and writes a blog on the side.

How does one break free? How do I force myself out of my comfort zone into a place where I can learn to embrace rather than fear the unexpected?

The post Breaking from Comfort, Emerging Better on the Other Side is featured at Jaffe World.

The Best of Goals, the Worst of Goals

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Setting goals is one of the most important ways to make great accomplishments in life. But for me, they are a blessing and a curse.

I make lists every day. And I seek to tackle those lists with fervor and excitement. And thanks to their guidance, I manage to do a whole lot with my time. And for that I’m forever grateful.

The Lists Take Over

However, sometimes the lists take over. They cease to be my guide, and they instead become a ball and chain, shackling me to them, and causing me frustration when they’re not attended to.

And when the goals are enormous, the matter could get even worse.

I was once teaching at a school, and I had somewhat of a ten-year plan. I had two giant goals that were supposed to carry me through the experience. If I could make those goals happen, I would be utterly proud of myself and I’d feel like I made my mark on the institution.

The “problem”: I conquered both goals in just four years. 

I never found proper replacement goals. And despite feeling very accomplished, it was also accompanied by a bit of pain. I no longer had what to strive for. I didn’t have my guiding lights. And in many ways, it was the first step of my placing one foot out the door.

The Need to Finish

I realize this problem was not unique to that part of my life. It’s been with me for as long as I can remember, and it’s the source of a lot of trouble for me.

Way back when, I studied in yeshiva. This is a place dedicated to a full day of Torah learning. And the goal is learning for the sake of learning. Every minute you spend immersed in your studies, the goal is already accomplished. Nothing needs to be “finished”. No papers needed to be handed out. If you were there, and you were savoring the complexity and intensity of the learning, you were already fully accomplished.

But that’s not the world I grew up in.

Degrees and Certifications

We American folk need to get degrees and certifications. We need to complete units. And no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn’t shake any of this. I didn’t want to study for its own sake. There needed to be an endgame, be it a piece of paper or a career path. And despite how much I recognize the cognitive and emotional benefits of letting go and savoring the moment, I’m nevertheless constantly already thinking about the next moment.

I recently read The Power of Now. I’ll be honest. Not a fan. To me, it read like a high-as-a-kite hippy emoting from atop a tree stump. But the premise is incredible. And fairly easy to summarize.

We are stuck in the wrong place. We’re constantly fretting about the past, despite our inability to change it. And we’re worried about the future, even though it has yet to happen. So we’re worried about things that do not exist or are irrelevant!

True happiness and bliss come from learning how to be fully present so you can completely enjoy the moment. The second you think of before now or after now, you already lost the magic. All good things are right here at this precise moment.

But I’m so far from that ideal, despite philosophical and theoretical knowledge, I can’t escape from my head. And my mind always seems to be dissatisfied if I’m not extraordinarily busy, and I don’t have a full and complete idea of what my next steps are.

Pride and Discomfort

So, in essence, my productivity and organization are a source of pride and simultaneously a great source of discomfort for me. And I’m faced with the choice of getting cozy in my routine, and continuing on a path that works for me (at least most of the time), or demolishing my comfort zone and fighting for a new reality, one in which I uproot my nature and learn to find enjoyment being in the moment, and to some extent abandon an urge to have a plan, a roadmap to what’s coming next in my life.

But in some senses, it’s not really a choice. Because the choice is obvious.

Any objective person would have an obvious and immediate answer to a question like this: What is more important, your daughter or the text you just received?

However, despite how abundantly clear and easy such a question seems, it’s not how many of us act in the heat of the moment. We’re sitting across someone whose importance in our life is paramount, and yet we completely allow ourselves to get yanked away from something so great for something so clearly mundane. And in that instant, we’ve showered a level of blatant disrespect upon the relationship. Something’s been damaged and we’ve taken a step backward.

bjective person would have an obvious and immediate answer to a question like this: What is more important, your daughter or the text you just received?
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The Benefits of Being Present

I’m rarely in the moment. I’m itching to finish the task at hand, desperately wanting to move on to the next big task.

Never being present harms my attentiveness and focus. It’s not good for my relationships. And I honestly feel that learning to be more present would positively impact literally everything I do in life.

What wouldn’t be better by my learning to focus, and becoming 100% immersed in any given moment of my life?

I would be better at my job, focused more on helping customers and giving them the best possible solutions to whatever issues they might be facing.

I would be a more attentive father, able to listen intently to everything any of my children say, thus better at addressing problems and being there for them with whatever they might need.

I would be a more capable husband, always able to enjoy the moment with my precious wife. Always able to be comforting and compassionate, never worried about whatever else might be happening in my life.

Goals vs. Mindfulness

I can’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t be improved upon by my learning to ignore the past and abandon the future for what’s right in front of me.

Yet I am who I am. I’m writing this blog piece right now because it’s on my to-do list for today. And that task followed another, and there was another before that.

Will I ever discover the secret to putting mindful attentiveness before excessive productivity?

Possibly.

But I imagine it’ll only happen if I put it on a to-do list…

The post The Best of Goals, the Worst of Goals is featured at Jaffe World.

Daughters, Nightmares, and Tears

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A saga about my daughter:

For months I’ve felt like I needed a good cry. No, not a little drip coming down my cheek at an emotional fake death in a TV show. A good, solid bawling session.

But for whatever reason, it never seems to come. Maybe it’s not who I am. Maybe I’ve been damaged by society’s expectation that crying is not the “man” thing to do. Regardless of the reason, I want it. I feel it would be good for me sometimes. But it just doesn’t seem to happen.

The Tears were Flowing

And yet there I was. Just a matter of days ago. Slumped on the ground of a random Jerusalem street, with tears on my cheeks.

It felt somewhat relieving and cathartic. But God knows, it was not the way I wanted this to happen.

How’d we get here?

The Call to Never Get

I was at the gym when I got a call from my oldest daughter, asking if I’d seen my youngest daughter recently. I hadn’t. We discussed what was happening, went over the basic possibilities, and slowly but surely I grasped that my nine-year-old daughter hadn’t been heard from in two hours. No one knew her whereabouts. And one of life’s greatest nightmares had just begun for me.

I got extraordinarily frantic and ran right out of there.

And thus began several hours of panicked daughter hunting. Looking around in every corner we could think of, making phone calls, talking to the police, asking anyone who might have a clue, and leveraging social media. And for what felt like a lifetime, I wandered the streets of Jerusalem, hoping and praying for a miracle. Hoping that I would turn a corner, and I would see my beloved daughter there with her infectious smile and a reasonable explanation for what had happened.

But I had no such luck. And the frenzy raged on.

The Responsibility of a Parent

I didn’t allow myself to be hysterical or emotional. I wanted to be. It would have been completely natural.

But a parent doesn’t get such a luxury in a time of crisis. When a kid is injured, lost, or suffering in any way, you need to balance yourself. Pull yourself together to do your extraordinarily vital job to the absolute best of your ability. So even though you may want to scream or cry, they aren’t options. They’ll slow down your ability to think quickly. Or they’ll create further unnecessary panic.

So your role at that moment is, essentially, to feel nothing. Or to feel as little as possible.

And even though my emotions were running high, and my heart was certainly racing, I kept myself centered and took absolutely no breaks as I looked left and I looked right, begging for a quick and extremely favorable resolve.

When a kid is injured, lost, or suffering in any way, you need to... pull yourself together to do your extraordinarily vital job to the absolute best of your ability.
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The Release

And then she was found.

Turned out there was some dopey miscommunication. Somebody thought they told somebody something. Who’s right? No one will ever know. Frankly, it doesn’t matter in the slightest. All that matters is she was safe and life was restored to its normal craziness.

And at that moment, I started becoming human again. I wrote to everyone I had panicked and told them things were OK. And then I felt like I couldn’t walk anymore. And my emotions were finally allowed to express themselves.

So I sat down in the middle of the street. And I cried.

All the thoughts and feelings I had suppressed for the last few hours hit me at once. And it was paralyzing.

The Parent Gamble

It’s hard to be a parent.

It truly is the greatest gamble you can ever take upon yourself. Yes, it can be tremendously rewarding. And for certain, there is a potent existential question about why we do anything in this world that can successfully be addressed by referring to passing along our wisdom, spirit, and possessions to our precious progeny.

However, parenting certainly isn’t easy. And the risks are many!

You could have a child who decides to never speak to you again. Or they could join a gang, become a serial killer, or who knows, even a vegan! And the challenges can be staggering.

But they all melt away at moments like these.

Overwhelming Love

That day was horrific. But it could have been worlds worse. And in a few hours of immense fear and pressure and pain, my overwhelming love for my children was renewed once again.

And I sat there on the ground, face all wet, contemplating how grateful I am that I have their magic in my life.

Credit Where Credit’s Due

Now I’d be remiss if I didn’t give an enormous shoutout to my community.

My son missed the whole saga. He was at his school working on a project, and no one thought it wise to interrupt him until it was 100% clear that a real problem was afoot. On his bus ride home, a friend asked him if his sister was OK. And he, with a perplexed look on his face, said that she was.

But he had no idea what was going on or why the friend was asking.

In searching for my little angel daughter, we asked around a lot. We didn’t go so far as to put something on a large social media forum, not wanting to cause mass panic. But we put out a few feelers here and there. Spread the word to a few people and to a couple of small groups.

And news spread like crazy!

My Community: What I DO Love

I was still getting calls and texts later that evening. People were doing exactly as they should in a crisis situation, in every way imaginable. They didn’t make it about themselves. They didn’t waste anyone’s time. And the legitimate concern was tangible.

In general, I don’t love my community. And my disdain for my city is well documented. If you’re looking for a quiet, affordable, smoke-free environment with decent driving and parking, this might not be the right place for you. However, in times of crisis, they pull together like nothing I’ve ever witnessed before.

I hope to God I never taste even a fraction of the pain I felt that fateful day. I hope no one does! However, if there should be a panic, justified or otherwise, everyone should be blessed to be in a place like this, with people like this.

It really is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever witnessed.

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CNN+ and Delusions of Relevance

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Did you know that CNN+ even existed?

One month. These guys gave it a go and CNN+ threw in the towel in their first month of existence.

And I can’t help but be intrigued by the whole story.

Another Streaming Service?

First, it seems like everyone and their mother is creating a new streaming service these days. And it’s a giant mess.

We don’t need all of these. We don’t need half of these! And I’m afraid at some point there will be too many, so much so that they’ll all flop under the pressure. And we’ll be left with nothing.

But the timing is also very odd.

It made sense to make a streaming service a year or two ago. We were all trapped in our homes with not all that much to do. And many people had expendable wealth. They weren’t traveling or eating out. Might as well get another streaming service!

But what about now? You might still cower in fear that the all-mighty Corona will still snatch your soul. But it seems like most of the world has moved on. They’re out spending their money on tacos and trips to Thailand again. They don’t necessarily want to spend six hours on the couch watching thirty different streaming services.

So why the hell are you still creating new ones?

Life Post-Corona

Some of us speculated the pandemic brought a new world order. Netflix and Peleton and Zoom would take over, and once they latched themselves onto you for two years, there was no going back.

But we were so very wrong. They were temporary hits, perfect for a challenging period we are starting to see trickle away. Their stocks are all plummeting, and it looks like people don’t want to spend their time watching Korean people get shot by giant dolls, children getting sucked under treadmills, or accidentally turned on cat filters.

We’re evolving.

But some are stuck in the recent past. And they think the secret to massive success is adding yet another streaming service to the world.

But CNN’s obsession with the past was not their only mistake.

The world does not need more streaming services. Arguably, it needs fewer.

We were content in a world with just Netflix. We enjoyed the addition of a few more possibilities. And we became overwhelmed when the few became many. No one wants all of this. No one can afford all of this. And frankly, we all need to get off our asses at least sometimes!

But there are particularly striking and confusing details of this specific blunder.

Paying for News?

Print media is already suffering from the mass availability of free news resources. And in a world where all current events are just a simple click away, did CNN really believe we wanted to pay for more news availability?

Personally, I’m satisfied with a few daily newsletter emails, and checking a couple of sites when something enormous is happening. But even then my goals are: Free and convenient. Hell, if a site asks me to shut off an ad blocker, I’ll usually look for a new site. So I’m not the type of person who’s going to shell out cash monthly to get more news.

I’m sure there are plenty of folk like me out there. And I know more than a few people who are far less interested in a daily dose of knowing what’s going on in the world.

We’re willing to pay some extra money here and there to laugh our asses off during a fantastic comedy or enjoy the adrenaline rush of a solid action flick. And we’ll indulge for hours. But when it comes to the news, we want just the right amount. And damn it, we want it free!

But there’s something else going on here. And that’s CNN’s blatant lack of touch with their lack of importance.

No One Likes CNN Anymore

I have very little respect for most news outlets these days. They wear their biases on their sleeves, and that’s not what I believe the news is meant for. Nevertheless, some do it with pride, out in the open, demonstrating to the world their viewpoint.

And then you have CNN. They pretend like they’re a balanced news agency, presenting us with the facts so we can gather our own opinions. But very few people left in the world believe this at all. They contemplate CNN, and they assume a blatant agenda. And for whatever reason, CNN doesn’t even know that we’re all on to them.

They also pretend like they are extremely important. Or maybe it’s not pretending. Maybe it’s delusion. But when I watch CNN go on a vicious assault against the likes of Joe Rogan, I think they believe it will have a massive impact. And that Rogan will fall apart, and cower into an apologetic ball because he has dared to mess with the mighty CNN.

Yet their attempts failed and failed hard. And Joe Rogan’s podcast rocks on, with millions upon millions of daily satisfied listeners. While CNN+ collapses under its own insignificance in a month.

The Inevitable Failure of CNN+

CNN, you’re an embarrassment. You used to represent something vital to the people of the world. And now you’re the butt of countless jokes. And those jokes come from every direction, even though you think of yourself as a friend to the left. Incompetence and bias are not rewarded. Your people didn’t come to your aid. They watched CNN+ die a quick death alongside the rest of us.

I don’t wish ill upon CNN. And the service of CNN+ may have been fantastic, a resource we all just lost out on. Tons of jobs were lost, and that is obviously a crying shame. But none of this exempts us from trying to explore how we got here. It’s not because some people created a bad product. That we’ll never know! And it’s not because people don’t crave knowledge of what’s going on around them.

It’s because of crappy and uninformed timing, and a complete lack of self-awareness. People’s lives were hurt by the launching of a product destined for failure. Every drip of that was preventable. CNN, it’s time for you to take a peek into yourself. You may not like what you find. But you and everyone else are still better off for it.

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The Gym Motivation is Wearing Thin

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For the first time in years, I found myself unmotivated to go to the gym. I know for some people this might even sound like borderline mocking. If you never have the motivation, how can you possibly relate to someone who not only goes religiously, but consistently loves the experience?

Nevertheless, most folk out there know the frustration of having something great in their life, and then coping with what happens when it’s no longer there. I’ve had this time and time again, none so dramatically as when I moved back to Israel this last time. I knew I was saying goodbye to the occasional Chiefs games. And there would be no more fight nights at the local sports bar on Saturday night.

I still had my constant stream of guests… until Covid had me temporarily saying sayonara to them for quite some time. (Thank goodness, slowly but surely the guest experience is returning!)

The Gym Kept Me Alive

But nothing has kept me alive and breathing as much as exercise. I try to go right after I finish work, and the longer I stall, the more frustrating of an experience it will be. I’ve remarked countless times that the hardest part of working out is getting out the door. After that, it’s always amazing. There’s no problem building up the motivation once I’ve arrived. And once the workout begins to flow, it just gets better and better. And I don’t want it to end.

The hardest part of working out is getting out the door.
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But something awful and unfortunate happened recently. My motivation has been dipping. And it’s been harder and harder for me to kick that door open and run over to destroy at the gym. And as much as I like to think of myself as highly introspective, it is baffling me why this is happening. The gym isn’t just something I enjoy. The year I was apart from my children, the gym sustained me. Without it I would have withered. And I still need it, both physically and mentally. Any day I get to the gym is a better day than when I don’t. I can feel it in every inch of my being.

So I’m not sure why the dip. But here are a few of my theories:

Exhaustion

I’m really, really tired.

I don’t sleep much. Some of it’s related to just how life plays out. I have been a father for over 18 years. In the early stages of all four kids, sleep was rare and really low quality. I’m not certain I ever caught up from those days. It’s more like I just got used to being tired. So much so, I’m not really sure what being extremely energetic would even feel like.

But then there’s that part of me that doesn’t like being asleep. There just don’t seem to be enough hours in a day to do everything I want to do, and the only way I can seem to find them is to sacrifice sleep. I know it’s a bad idea, but it’s what I do. And very consistently.

It’s not that I don’t think it’s possible to function on little sleep. Or that I haven’t been holding my own despite the minimal nighty nighttime. It’s that it eventually catches up with you. And I’m finally starting to feel it. I’m yawning more while working. I’m doing the infamous head bob.

How do I muster up the strength to burst out my front door… when all I want to do is watch TV and take a nap?

But I think my exhaustion is only a piece of the puzzle.

Boredom

I’m starting, for the first time in who knows how long, to feel a tinge of boredom. I found patterns I like. It’s not that I don’t mix up my exercises. I most certainly do. I just have a general routine and system, and because of that, it’s harder to generate excitement that will help push me up the street and over to the gym.

It’s in my nature to jump around. It’s a weird contradiction. I love and thrive on routine. However, for only so long before I need to jump away and try something drastically different. I’ve been going to the same gym now for over three years. Same job for over five. Living in the same city as well. And I can feel this burning need in me to shake things up dramatically. And it’s affecting my time in the old faithful gym.

I look around and I see the same weights, people, and machines. And like I mentioned earlier, I found what I like, and I know what I avoid for all sorts of reasons. Some are uncomfortable. Some are too challenging. Others intimidate me.

Maybe I just need a full and complete shakeup of what I do. Perhaps the time has come, no, not to abandon physical fitness, God forbid. But to find a new path. Something that can renew that wondrous feeling of excitement I used to receive every time I stepped in the gym.

Claustrophobic

I have other smaller theories. I can’t say for sure that they are the reason, but I imagine they’re contributing. For example, my gym has gotten much more crowded lately. There’s a certain perfect amount of people at the gym. Enough that you feel the positive energy of everyone else around you, and you get the sense of motivation of the like-minded fitness freaks. However, not so many that you can’t move around freely and use the equipment you want to use.

If the number goes too low, you feel lonely. Like you’re exercising in an abandoned village. If it goes too high, you feel cramped and gross.

Sadly, the numbers have been high lately. Very high. And it’s filled with young people. And they’re the worst. They haven’t yet learned how to behave in a room with a large number of people. They think the gym equipment is a bunch of toys. And they’re loud, annoying, and have no sense that there are other people around them.

Whatever the reason, something’s broken and needs to be mended. Because it’s damn near impossible for me to fathom a world without my precious gym.

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Water, Hardships, and 2 Lessons Learned

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There I was. A fine weekday morning. Working in my living room, sipping on my water, like any other day. Perhaps I was even writing this here blog.

Suddenly I heard what sounded like my sink turning on in my kitchen. I thought it was odd. My son wasn’t home, my wife was in our bedroom… and Frankie hasn’t yet learned to operate sinks just yet. For a split second, I ignored the noise, thinking maybe it was coming from outside. Or that whatever was causing it was no big deal.

But curiosity got the best of me, and I went over to my kitchen to see what was happening. And I noticed water creeping out from under my dishwasher all over our kitchen floor.

Time to Act

I called to Devorah, and we got to work immediately. In a matter of moments, Devorah had run downstairs and shut off the water to the apartment, the floor was covered in towels to prevent the spread of the water, my plumber was on his way, and the landlord had been contacted as well.

The water had been spraying out for maximum ten minutes before it was shut off, but literally every towel in our entire apartment was entirely soaked through. It was quite the start to an otherwise bright and normal day.

Our plumber came within the hour and was able to fix everything. We have an ice maker in our fridge, so it’s constantly fed water. Apparently the piece that connected the fridge to the pipes underneath just shattered under the pressure, and boom, our morning was quite the adventure, and we’re out another hundred dollars or so.

Our dishwasher was soaking wet and we were advised to let it dry for 24-48 hours, just to make sure none of the electrical parts were compromised. And a small part of our life was upturned for a couple of days.

Just when everything else in our lives was going perfectly smoothly, plumbing mishaps are always there to remind you how fragile everything in our lives truly is.

We’re Back…

The incident is very much behind us. Our water is back on. The dishwasher is back in place and up and running again. Fridge is working like a charm. And our home is dry and tidy once again.

But it’s hard to walk away and not wonder about so many details. It’s hard not to fathom what could have been, or what any of this means for us.

First and foremost, we were both home and both awake. What if we were out for the afternoon? Or it happened when we were sleeping? Or I didn’t work from home? How could we have noticed what was happening or acted as quickly as we did?

Water Water Everywhere

It’s impossible not to imagine what may have been. Our apartment may have filled with a foot of water. Mass amounts of our possessions could have been destroyed. What if it happened during the winter? Drying out our apartment could have taken days or weeks or even months. Mold could have grown everywhere. Appliances could have been ruined. And we could be out literally thousands of dollars.

And who knows what else we haven’t panicked about.

But none of that happened. Because we were home, we noticed something was wrong, and we acted quickly.

I took away two key lessons from this incident.

One Tiny Piece of Plastic

It fascinates me that all of this havoc was caused because of one little connector piece. An entire home with everything working properly, yet one minuscule piece of plastic and rubber could have resulted in the destruction of our home, costing us a small fortune.

How many things in our life are like that? How many points of failure exist? We are all extraordinarily complex organisms, and yet one little clot of blood could land us immediately in the emergency room.

It makes you wonder how much we need to be thankful for every single day of our lives. Yes, it’s so easy to notice when something goes terribly wrong. And obviously it is super frustrating.

But it’s so hard to notice the endless array of things working exactly as they should. Look around you. Breathe in for a moment. You are surrounded by blessings. We can scream and shout when the handle on the coffee mug breaks. And we most likely will. But we are forgetting so much at that moment. We are completely unaware of the billions of complex equations and functions and interactions that need to happen every split second for us to bask in the many, many great things that are surrounding us.

If any were to disappear, I guarantee we’d notice that!

Straightening Some Priorities

Another takeaway from this experience is a quick glimpse at what really matters in life.

Everything is so fragile. I could work and save for years so I could get that flatscreen TV I wanted. Or that iPhone. Or that really slick suit. But all that time and hard work can’t stop a small piece of plastic from busting, and frying the TV, drowning the phone, and rendering the suit a biohazard.

I recently watched disturbing footage of a UFC Hall of Famer mourning over his recently burnt-down home. All of his worldly possessions were lost.

At one point, he was on top of the world. He had money, fame, and notoriety. And they were all stolen from him in an instant.

And this could happen to any of us at any time. All it takes is an elbow bumping into a candle or a faucet that breaks while you’re on vacation.

It really makes you start thinking about all the trinkets and whatnot in your life. Sure they can give you a brief moment of pleasure and they’re nice to show off to your friends. But they truly don’t matter, and can be gone in a heartbeat.

What Really Matters

There are things in life far less tangible that matter so much more. My wife and I acted quickly, and thus saved our apartment from untold damage. It was a great combination of quick action, teamwork, and luck. But when it’s all said and done, it just serves as a giant reminder of how fragile our possessions are. And how much more important and permanent are the relationships in our lives!

If only I acted that quickly and with that much passion to preserve the relationships in my life that are infinitely more important than the furniture and electronics we saved that day. Don’t they deserve that far more? Isn’t their importance leagues deeper than that of a throw rug?

Don’t forget what’s really important. You might have all the possessions in the world. But without the love of great people in your life, you have absolutely nothing.

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Shockingly Short Memories

Enjoy!

We have shockingly short memories.

I recently started a little project. It’s in the very early stages, so hopefully I’ll have a lot more to report about in the future.

Covid: All Day, Every Day

There was a long period in which there was only one kind of news: All Covid, all day. As an avid fan of keeping up with the times, I noticed that even non-Covid news was still about Covid. Celebrities were no longer getting divorced; they were getting infected. Sports teams were no longer trading players; they were in quarantine.

And for the first time in what seems like forever, the news cycle has shifted to a new topic. And even though Corona is hardly gone from the news, our world, or our conversations, it no longer feels like the hottest topic anymore. It’s page four news, at best.

This all made me start wondering about a world pre-pandemic.

Re-Experiencing the Origins

I found a podcast that stretched back a few years, one that’s just straight-up news. Five minutes of what’s going on in the world.

My original goal was to get a feel for the pandemic in its original state. When it was just something people were taking note of, but not something that was shutting down the whole planet. I want to watch how our knowledge and actions about the disease developed. I want to remember the days when we were told a vaccine would not be available for many, many years. And I want to feel the confusion again of being told we absolutely should not be wearing masks.

And I can’t wait to get there. It sincerely fascinates me.

I started a matter of days ago, and I backed up as far as Spotify would let me. I’m now listening to the craziness of the world starting in July 2019, months before the vast majority of the world ever heard of the Coronavirus. And I couldn’t be more intrigued. Such memories. Such crazy, awful, and bizarre memories!

A Different World

We were so innocent back then.

And I think we’ve forgotten damn near everything that we used to think was a big deal.

I find myself saying over and over again, “Oh yeah, that happened, didn’t it?” I mean, there was a point in very recent history that we couldn’t stop talking about earthquakes in California. Donald Trump dazzled us with so much Covid insanity, we almost forgot that he once told a bunch of politicians to “go back where they came from”. And then there’s Brexit! Everyone’s favorite European debacle, that everyone in the States heard about… but no one really understood enough to have an intelligent opinion on the subject.

A Lost Era

These were highlights in the news of an era that feels like it’s disappeared. A time before we were terrified of walking near strangers. Before we mindlessly wiped down the cereal boxes we just bought at the grocery store. Before we started baking sourdough bread and tried to master the dynamics of Zoom and Peletons and how to bond with co-workers via Slack. Before we developed an odd and disjointed knowledge of the Greek alphabet.

I feel like most of us can speak about events from ten or twenty years ago with greater ease and clarity than we can discuss matters of a mere two or three years ago.

Like the memories of these times just vanished.

The Beginnings of our New Reality

It was just a mere two years ago and change that my wife and I were returning from a brief trip to Vienna. We saw some masks at the airport. We thought it was odd, but didn’t really pay a lot of attention.

We had no idea that in a week people traveling from Vienna would be quarantined. We had no clue that those odd-looking masks would soon be the norm, and an entire industry would be created around them.

And we certainly had no clue that when we emerged from the plane, it would be the last flight we’d take indefinitely.

And who knows what we chatted about on the plane? For sure, we probably spoke about jetlag and luggage and the photos we took. Maybe we spoke about the mysterious “suicide” of Jeffrey Epstein. But for certain we didn’t use words like “pandemic” or “lockdown” or “quarantine” or “n95” or “Omicron” or so many more words that would soon fill up our vocabulary and our sentences, and make us forget that there was a whole different life before Covid came and uprooted everything.

A World of Problems before Covid[image error]

We even forgot about the miseries on a day-to-day basis in Israel. I used to joke that Israel needed rain, not because we were reliant upon it for everything in our lives… but because there are no terrorist attacks when it rains. For whatever reason, someone hellbent on blowing himself up in a crowded restaurant can’t be troubled to go outside and possibly catch a sniffle.

And, for the most part, so it was for the past couple of years. The friendly suicide bomber doesn’t want to risk getting a nasty case of the Covids… before blowing himself up into thousands of pieces.

You could say this period was a temporary reprieve from the everyday suffering of life in Israel.

But you could also say we kind of just forgot. We forgot how hard it was. We forgot we had problems long before Covid reared its ugly head.

And now we find ourselves surprised that our enemies still hate us, and those who wanted us drowned in the ocean in a pre-Covid era still want that for us.

But nothing ever changed. We just stopped paying attention for a minute. Our memories faded. And then a world came flooding back to us when things started easing up again.

The Cure for our Short Memories

And here we are. Whether we like it or not, the world never stopped. Covid was just a nasty sauce poured all over the grotesque dinner that existed before its arrival. And we now need to accept, the problems we never solved are still there haunting us, whether they be rampant homelessness in California or twisted wealthy people running sex islands.

I am still curious to re-experience the beginning of the pandemic. I’m sure it will be fascinating and eye-opening. But I’m now equally interested in reminding myself about the world that existed just before everything was turned upside down. We might have shockingly short memories… but it’s hopefully something a good solid reminder can cure.

Forgetting our problems doesn’t solve them.

We should be blessed to cut through all the pervasive garbage of this universe like a Ginzu knife through a tomato!

Forgetting our problems doesn't solve them.
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