Christopher D. Connors's Blog, page 63

iNahid Always great to hear from you, my friend!

iNahid Always great to hear from you, my friend! Yes, not sure I’d get by without having faith that things WILL work out, even if not always the way I imagined. I really appreciate you commenting. I’ve been on a little hiatus getting things ready with my book, I look forward to catching up on your writing soon. All my best!

Ifeanyi Omoike Aww, Ifenayi, this means a lot to me.

Ifeanyi Omoike Aww, Ifenayi, this means a lot to me. I’ve been so busy with my other projects, I’ve mostly been focused on my book recently. I’m so grateful to come back and see your nice comment. Thanks so much- I hope everything is going well in your life. Reach out anytime — God bless and have a great week!

How to Leverage the Power of Faith and Control

Next time you find yourself looking to gain control over every matter in your life, ask yourself this question: Why don’t I just have a little faith? Like, a little bit more faith. Or maybe — complete faith that things will work out, so I don’t have to worry about trying to gain control over things I can’t control. I’ve found so many of life’s problems arrive when we try to gain mastery over too many things.

We crave control as humans! We desire to gain control over outcomes that in most instances, we cannot possibly control. We look for control in our relationships, both consciously and subconsciously. We seek control over all our emotions, which is equivalent to trying to stop the force of the ocean’s waves.

We can control our anger, but we can’t control our frustrations. We can admire the work of one of our peers, but it’s hard to not feel envious when they win an award and we aren’t recognized.

Control leads us to mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually attempt to control the stimuli and actions in our lives. Faith relinquishes control, in most instances to a higher power (God) or to the belief that another outcome is meant to be. Life teaches us that we will never control everything. And if we’re keeping score, the statistics are simply mind-boggling.

Make Your Choice

For all the times that you’ve tried to control something in you life, the odds are overwhelming that you have tried and failed. With such a poor record of success, wouldn’t it make more sense to believe that things will work out? And yet, control is perceived as “trying” with a stronger will. Faith, in a purely agnostic sense, could foolishly be perceived as laziness. Letting something be without care.

Control is not always caring. Faith shows that we care beyond measure. Faith means we care so much, that we mentally and spiritually go outside of ourselves, to place our trust and reliance in something else that will impact our lives for the better.

On a more philosophical context, I believe that our desire for control often jettisons faith to the side. What I mean is — so much of living in this world is having faith that very big decisions, projects and outcomes will work out just fine. We want to succeed on a huge business project so we can get promoted. We want to have a healthy child. We hope that our business idea will turn into the next great start-up.

Values Live Through

We can get there by hard work, diligence, perseverance and coordinated planning. We can do everything just right, gaining direct control over tasks we perform and heavily influencing tasks that others need to perform. But in the end, we’ll never have complete control. This is where faith comes in! We cannot possibly control everything. If we live thinking that we can, we’ll drive ourselves crazy!

Power-hungry craving for control will lead to anxiety, stress, fear and an enhanced perception of our own ego. If we think we can do everything ourselves or see to it that others do things precisely when we demand it, we’ll be sorely disappointed. And left hurting emotionally.

People tend to have less respect for those who are always seeking control over every outcome they touch. Rather, you’ll gain respect when you seek to influence, as opposed to always desiring control. Those of us with dominant personalities fight this battle each day. Eventually, you have to let go. Faith needs to enter the equation. Faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in God — faith that things will work out in harmony with your life.

When people recognize that you are placing greater faith in them, they’ll appreciate this respectful gesture and want to return the favor back to you. This is where reciprocity comes in. People want to know that we care. And we should care very much about the “control” over our lives. Give it up. And watch what happens when you rely on time-tested values.

Live Boldly!

My upcoming book on Values is due out November 8th! Contact me via my website here to join my newsletter and get the first chapter of my book FREE! Like my Facebook writer’s page here . Join me on your journey. Let’s Go!

How to Leverage the Power of Faith and Control was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Love this! Perseverance is my game, Nalini MacNab. Thanks for sharing!

Love this! Perseverance is my game, Nalini MacNab. Thanks for sharing!

It’s Just a Hobby

Courtesy: https://www.linkedin.com/in/milosdragutinovic/detail/recent-activity/

It’s just a hobby, he said. And *he* was right. A hobby is just, “a pursuit outside one’s regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation,” according to Merriam Webster. It’s not a profession. It’s not a way to earn a living. At least not at that point in time. But a hobby is never just something we do for relaxation, if we have the desire for it to be so much more.

How many times have you been told, “It’s just a hobby.” That “it” is likely your dream. It’s that one thing that you’ve chosen to concentrate on that you hope will become a substantial part of your life. Maybe other people’s interpretation of that “it” gets under your skin. It sure gets under mine. It feels personal. It feels much more than just an observation or snapshot in time.

Because no one who’s serious about living a life on their terms ever wants to passively spend blocks of their time in a hobby. Here’s what a hobby is:

playing kickball on a recreational league teamcollecting baseball cardscarpentry to fix small things around your housepainting, sailing or ANYTHING that you do “just on occasion”

A hobby is just a hobby until it becomes so much more. If you’re serious about becoming a singer, writer, app developer or specialist in any field, then you need to develop a plan. That plan begins with a strategy, an objective and definition for success, then legitimate goals. From there, you must dedicate time. Even if it looks like a hobby to others on the outside, you know darn well this is your ticket to ride.

Let me tell you where my hobby has led me: I will soon publish my first book. This has been a lifelong dream. I’m less than two months away from achieving it. And guess what? This writing effort? This reinventing myself and becoming someone I’ve always wanted to be? It didn’t happen overnight. It started as a hobby. Maybe you’re there right now. Maybe you know the feeling.

The last two years of my life, I’ve entered into a process of self-discovery that never could have been realized were it not for my hobby. I’ve grown in emotional intelligence, formed a rock-solid foundation of values, started a coaching business and re-entered the workforce for a successful software company. I’m raising a child, priding myself on being a parent and husband and giving all my energy into all that I love.

Previously, I wasn’t giving all my energy to the things I love and matter. This makeover helped me realize that life is all about love. Loving your family. Loving your God. Loving what you do, making sense of why you do, what you do and leaving the negativity and garbage behind.

Dream bigWhere You Begin

Everyone who does anything great begins their work as “just as a hobby.” No one paid Michael Jordan to grind for hours in the gym perfecting his quickness and jumpshot. At least not in 1979. He was only “investing” then. His payment began in the mid-1980s, once basketball officially became a job for him. But his hobby led him to his job.

You can look at any role model, in any line of work, and the story will be virtually identical. Once you develop your idea, you must believe in it and back it with hope and hard work. Once you do, you’ve struck “gold.” But not literally. At least, not right then. No one is paying you for that idea. Yet. Maybe no one even recognizes it. Yet. Because it’s just a hobby. Right? Or is it?

A hobby is where we learn. It’s where we begin our initiating, planning, discovery, configuration and testing phases. Until we’re ready to “go live.” Because once we’re ready to go live, once we’ve proven a level of expertise and solid “product,” we can begin to test the market.

It’s at this point that many people fail. And if you’ve ever wondered why that is the case, without knowing the answer, I’m about to tell you:

When people try to convert their hobby into their living, they fail because they fear what other people will think. Every other explanation for failure falls under fear.

Lack of confidence. Self-doubt. Anxiety. It all comes back to a fear of what other people might think — a fear of success — rather than a fear of failure. Because anyone who has ever truly tried to succeed, knows that failure will always come! Failure will inspire us and enable us to produce a better product. Failure will refine us and lead us to a better version of ourselves.

Future Wages

None of us voluntarily do things unless they bring us some sense of self-satisfaction. Unless we’re masochists. In our free time, we want to find pleasure. The more we start to make sense of our lives, the more inspired we become to utilize our free time for things we love. Less time socializing on Instagram, and more time building our dream.

While a job pays a wage, in many cases, a hobby pays a future wage. For a day and price yet to be known. You can name that day and that price if you believe that your hobby will lead you to an opportunity or living you desire. That’s the formula, right there.

As a writer, I have to remind myself that a picture is worth well more than “a thousand words.” Look at the picture at the beginning of this article. This puts into perspective so much of what you will face while living out your hobby. Because your hobby is very often your dream. And any dream that you back with faith and hope is worth pursuing.

When you’re ready to take up the gauntlet and travel down the road of your dreams, you better be prepared to overcome adversity of all kinds! The crazy thing is, you find that adversity comes from many sources: family, friends, co-workers and relatives. It’s not just your competitors or “society at large.” People won’t believe you when you tell them you want to change the world.

And you may not do that through medicine or leading a movement. You may achieve your dream from the privacy of your room, on a laptop computer. Maybe your’e a writer or designer. But the impact you hope to create will travel far beyond the confines of your home. It will become universal and touch the lives of billions. That ain’t no hobby. That’s a reason to live.

Great inventors begin to get paid once people recognize their genius and value. Anyone who does anything great is creating something. You find that you can’t just immediately begin on a paid path. And even if you did, wouldn’t that serve to make you more complacent, anyway? Necessity, as they say, is the mother of invention. You and I have emotional, spiritual, physical and mental needs.

We all have to start somewhere. We all must fight to live the lift we want. Get out in the marketplace. Get going. Don’t wait for someone to start paying you for something that you can turn into future gains. The time is now.

It’s just a hobby? Bull shit. That’s what some might say on the outside. You know that deep-down, if you’re able to persevere and maintain your drive, it’s going to become so much more. Your hobby will transform your life. The day you recognize that your hobby — your passion — isn’t just a fleeting idea, is the day you start living. Because not far off, you’ll earn your living.

To quote rock prophet, Zack de la Rocha:

“It has to start somewhere. It has to start some time. What better place than here? What better time than now?”

Your hobby is your start. What that becomes is your finish. The in between is yours.

Live Boldly!

My upcoming book on Values is due out this September. Contact me via my website here to join my newsletter and get the first chapter of my book FREE! Like my Facebook writer’s page here . Join me on your journey. Let’s Go!

It’s Just a Hobby was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

4 Truths that Lead to a Happy and Successful Life

1. We’re able to produce and do more than we think

The saying “mind over matter” is real. Our willpower is so strong, yet we only get to know and realize this once we begin to tap into it. Our ability to overcome pain, loss, disadvantages and adversity is largely controlled in the power of our minds! But remember this — the other side of this coin is thinking you can do too much, in too short of a period of time.

This great Bill Gates quote exemplifies this:

“Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”

In other words, while we are strong beyond measure, we often fall into a trap of overestimating our short-term plans and underestimating the “long game.” This is why I believe so strongly in the power of five-year plans. Once you put things in writing and commit to a realistic plan, you can truly do anything within reason of your talents and natural abilities.

You’re only ever limited by your attitude and your work ethic. If you’re willing to stay positive and work hard, you will always produce more than you ever thought possible.

2. Time is your most valuable commodity

“My favorite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.” — Steve Jobs

Well, there you go! I can tell you. Your friends and colleagues can tell you. And heck, one of the greatest innovators ever can tell you. But you’ll only truly understand this truth through your experience. I’ve personally found the best way to learn just how valuable time really is, is to strike things out on your own in an endeavor where you are dependent solely on yourself for success.

I believe everyone should become their own boss at some point in their life. If nothing else, it causes you to become resourceful and take ownership like you never have before. Once you are doing this for something you believe in and have passion for, you’re on a road toward success and fulfillment. And as you keep traveling, you’ll find just how much you value you time. Because you are both the manager and delivery specialist for your time.

Ask any entrepreneur and they’ll tell you — “My time is valuable.” Once you go through a similar experience, you know why, too. You come to value your time for your personal ambitions, your time with family, business time and even volunteer time in a totally different way. This engenders a call to action to be more competitive with yourself, so you’ll become the person you can be.

3. You’ll never have it all figured out — that’s OK

Despite many a successful person’s efforts to gain influence and control over every part of their life, it will never happen. Never. And you know what? That’s actually a great thing. You have to seek to influence that which you can, just know it’s not possible to influence everything. As a result, you won’t figure out the answer to everything.

Those of us with dominant personalities fight this battle each day. Eventually, you have to let go. Faith needs to enter the equation. Faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in God — faith that things will work out in harmony with your life. Faith is one of the most fundamental values to living a life you can be proud of. Speaking of values…

4. Values & Structure will Sustain You Through Life

“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” — Roy E. Disney

Relationships. Goals. Determining your Why and personal definition of success. These things provide structure for your life! Building relationships begins “local” with family, friends and co-workers. In this digital-age, it expands to social media and professional networking sites. Powerful, loving, mutually beneficial relationships help give your life meaning and purpose.

Goals provide you with something to reach for and work to attain. Most successful people I’ve observed and studied succeed by setting small, incremental goals. Those goals can then fit into the context of a long-term plan, if you choose the five-year plan route above. Either way, having something to aim for is a winning strategy.

Values are what give your life definition and serve as the foundation for every move you make. I believe so passionately in the power of values, I decided to write a book on it that will be out in mid-August. I realized that we all need a framework of reference that helps with making decisions, finding opportunities and building great relationships.

Values are the key to this life. Please join me on my journey and follow for more details once the book comes out. In the meantime, find that structure you crave. Find your values and know they lead to the truth!

Live Boldly!

My upcoming book on Values is due out this August. Contact me via my website here to join my newsletter and get the first chapter of my book FREE! Like my Facebook writer’s page here .

4 Truths that Lead to a Happy and Successful Life was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Key to Finding Balance in Your Life

During one of my first coaching stops, our head basketball coach would always tell our team after each game, “You’re never as good as you think you are when you win and you’re never as bad as you think you are when you lose.” I’ve carried this with me in my private and personal endeavors. The underlying message implores us to always find balance and equanimity in all that we do.

We’re never quite as different in action as we may think we are in our heads. Our thoughts and actions are fueled by emotion. When we win, we tend to be colored with happy, emotive thoughts. We’re satisfied and exuberant! When we lose, we’re more sullen. It becomes easy to find fault and assign blame.

Each day, we’re tested. Emotional highs and lows are simply a fact of life. Managing these emotions through the good and bad times define us. How we react speaks to the core of who we are. The way we respond to the stimuli and external forces around us are what determine whether we live happy, fulfilling lives.

When you get knocked down, the question is, “Are you gonna get up?” When you’re soaring above the clouds, eventually you will come down from that emotional high. How soft will your landing be? Will you find yourself so resentful and troubled by the “coming down” that it throws you off into a tailspin?

This is the quintessential paradigm for emotional intelligence. Your highs can be high, but better not to be too high, so that you delude yourself into thinking you’ll never come down. You will come down. That’s living in the real world. It’s the law of gravity juxtaposed against emotional relativity.

And those lows? The depression, failures, broken relationships and missed opportunities? They’re just a phase. You’re just passing through. This time too shall pass.

There will be time for redemption, new opportunities and sunny days ahead. Keep your head up and recognize, no matter which phase you’re in, that maintaining emotional balance is the key to a happy life. Don’t just listen to my take on this. Take the story of MVP quarterback, Matt Ryan. His past year is a testament to grace and perseverance through extremely high highs and hard-to-swallow lows.

The Story of Matt Ryan

Nearly five months ago, coming off a record-breaking season and league MVP award, Matt Ryan suffered the most devastating loss of his professional career. The Atlanta Falcons led the New England Patriots 28–3 with less than three minutes remaining in Super Bowl LI. Everyone on the planet, maybe with the exception of the team in white jerseys and blue pants, thought the game was over.

An Atlanta victory would be a fitting coronation for Ryan. An MVP season, a Super Bowl title and possibly the Super Bowl MVP. Except, it was not meant to be. New England kept scoring and Atlanta kept faltering. The bubbly was on ice in the Atlanta locker room, but there it would remain.

It took overtime for New England to pull off their epic comeback. Ryan was stunned. Who wouldn’t be? But for a man who is known to many by the nickname, “Matty Ice”, even a loss this bad was not crippling. Ryan was never too high during the highs of an incredible individual and team season. So he wouldn’t sink to the bottom during the lowest low of his career.

Asked recently what his focus is now and whether he and his team are still dwelling on that loss, Ryan said,

“Our focus is what is front of us. We learned a lot from last year. We’ll take those learning lessons with us, but we have to find a way to make this group the best group that we can be.”

Matt Ryan has the perspective to know that wins and losses do not define us. It’s how we maintain our composure, sense of self-worth and confidence throughout the good and bad times. Don’t let the wins or losses get you crazed. Keep driving forward. Celebrate life’s wins and then, move on. Learn from your losses, and keep striving to be your best.

If you enjoyed reading this post, please recommend and share it to help others find it!Live Boldly!

My upcoming book on Values is due out this August. Contact me via my website here to join my newsletter and get the first chapter of my book FREE! Like my Facebook writer’s page here .

The Key to Finding Balance in Your Life was originally published in The Mission on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Key to Building a Loving Relationship that Lasts

“Selflessness. It should be the basis of every relationship. If a person truly cares about you, they’ll get more pleasure from the way they make you feel, rather than the way you make them feel.” — Colleen Hoover

A few years ago, I was talking with a good friend about life, relationships and what makes a great marriage. I was in limbo with my then-girlfriend (and now-wife). I was afraid to commit and as a result, we weren’t going anywhere. I knew it was fear that stood in my way. I also knew I was thinking way too much about myself and not enough about her needs.

My friend Matt was a guy who had turned his life around. I had only met him one year earlier, so I never would have known he used to be very selfish in his early years. He only cared about his needs. But that was then. At the time we were speaking, he was a husband with two children and a very loving wife. Every time I saw him with his wife, I noticed how happy they were together.

Happiness is something we always pick up on, either consciously or subconsciously. Intuitively, we feel it. Visually, we observe it. We hear it in the words that happy, loving people say to one another. They’re not aggressive — or passive-aggressive with one another. They’re not calculating or misgiving. They’re genuine, real and completely sincere in their words and actions.

My friend Matt had gotten me to open about a lot of the things holding me back in relationships. These were things I was previously reluctant to admit. I rarely talked to anyone about them. As a result, I made very little progress. I stayed self-absorbed and stuck. I told him about my situation and he laughed a bit. He said, “Believe me, I know.”

He went on to tell me that he nearly missed out on a wonderful future with his wife because he always focused on himself. In his thoughts, words and actions, he was living in his own world. He lived too much in his head — which is to say, he always thought of his own needs. When he spoke, those those manifested themselves in words. And of course, in action, it was always about him. What they did, where they ate, etc.

That pattern of behavior was nearly enough for his wife to walk away. Who in the world would want to tolerate that? But by the grace of God, he turned things around. He had a heart-to-heart conversation with his wife where she very succinctly said:

“The only way this relationship will work is if we both put the needs of each other above our own. That is what love is all about.”

From that moment, everything turned around. And while I wasn’t a witness to that conversation, the testimony of Matt’s story was enough to transform my life. I needed wake-up call and by God, I got it. It wasn’t so much the knowledge as it was the message. That first-hand account was powerful and moving. It hit me at precisely the right time.

It made me realize that I was living in my own head. I was fearful and unable to move forward to commitment because I was only thinking of myself. I made that paradigm shift that day. Like any relationship, there have been challenges in between. But I strive every day to put my wife’s needs above my own. It has made all the difference.

Live Boldly!

My upcoming book on Values is due out this August. Contact me via my website here to join my newsletter and get the first chapter of my book FREE! Like my Facebook writer’s page here .

The Key to Building a Loving Relationship that Lasts was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.