Christopher D. Connors's Blog, page 58

3 Proven Techniques to Recharge Your Focus for the New Year

For some reason, this month has been one of those trials I find myself going through from time-to-time. It’s the end of the year and I have a million things on my mind. Because I’m a time-tested veteran of battling through worry and fears, I was able to identify the problem right away — I was far too anxious about little things that weren’t urgent and could easily wait for another day. I was wasting time and energy on clutter.

Sound familiar to you?

Little, insignificant worries and problems can accumulate and catch up to us, and before we know it, we’re consumed with big worries and problems. It’s better to face these things with a clear mind and an intelligent approach to knock them out. I thought of three proven techniques that I have relied on throughout the years and wanted to share with you. Enjoy!

1. Utilize Stephen Covey’s Time Quadrant ApproachSource: Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I‘ve written previously about Stephen Covey’s time management quadrants. This is a baseline that is very valuable when considering how we should invest our time each day. This quadrant is a great tool that allows you to use your analytical mind to diagnose each task or aspect of your day. You can then determine whether that something is an activity worthy of your time, or simply clutter that will waste your time.

As Covey points out in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we all have to spend time doing important — or unimportant — things that have to get done. No matter how well we plan our days out, there will be fires to put out- that’s just a fact of life. Trust me, once you have children, there are even more fires to put out! In a good way, sort of.

For you parents out there, remember that when you’re changing a diaper at 2:45 in the morning and standing tall in the face of a 16-month old child’s screams, as he pounds your ear drums like Dave Grohl.

The point is, there will be difficulties and critical things we need to focus on that we may not want to. The key is to minimize the time we spend on unimportant activities — clutter — and maximize our focus on what really inspires us and deserves our attention: the activities in Quadrant II.

2. Be Curious — Explore New Things that Interest You

Maybe you’ve been there, getting worked up over insignificant things that can destroy your day or even your week. Negative thoughts, anger, worry and envy are common emotions when we get distracted and frustrated. These enemies of our mind prevent us from focusing on the, “Quality Time,” in Covey’s quadrant.

Covey describes using new activities and ways to boost out personal growth as, “Sharpening the Saw” time. This is where we learn, read, imagine new ideas, explore our creative side and spend time in prayer, boosting our faith and hope which leads to love. I encourage you to build in five hours per week, despite a busy schedule and juggling lots of responsibilities. Your future you will thank you for this time of development and enrichment.

The times that I get down are when I’m doing things I don’t enjoy or thinking of nonsense that irritates me. Does this sound like you? As much as I try not to, I am occasionally prone to wasting my time on little nuisances — that can morph into large obstacles — that dominate my thoughts with negativity. I fall back into old traps of lustful, envious or lazy thoughts.

These time wasters eat away at the precious minutes or even hours of solitude, prayer, creativity and mindfulness I have. They threaten to damage and damper my mood around my loved ones. I want to maximize the time I spend with my family and show them all the love that I can. I want to focus on my goals in life, concentrate on becoming better at my job and improve my personal and professional relationships.

A great way to embrace our curiosities is to plan them into our week. To find activities that stimulate creative, imaginative thought. We all have things that we love that are tried and true. But what about trying new things? It’s amazing the new ideas we’ll find and remarkable experiences we’ll enjoy, when we’re open-minded to trying out new things.

3. Keep the People and Things You Love at the Forefront of Your Thoughts

I’m successful when I surround myself with people and things that create positive energy. The thoughts that enter our minds can permeate our being and rapidly change both our emotional and physical states. Norman Vincent Peale addressed this beautifully in his mammoth bestseller, The Power of Positive Thinking:

“We are beginning to comprehend a basic truth hitherto neglected, that our physical condition is determined very largely by our emotional condition, and our emotional life is profoundly regulated by our thought life.”

We have to remind ourselves that we’re better than whatever anger, worry, doubt or envy creeps into our mind. The surefire way to block these thoughts out is to dominate our subconscious mind with positive thoughts, rooted in belief of self. Our values, self-confidence and things that matter help give us that view.

When I find myself in these moments where I feel like I’m stuck, anxious and my mind starts drifting, I think of my beautiful family. I focus on my dreams — the things that light the fire inside of me and inspire me to keep moving forward with confidence, energy and hope everyday.

I think of my Why — my definition of success — and my passion for writing, coaching and making a difference in people’s lives. Those things lift my spirit and produce tidal waves of positive energy inside of me.

I think we all experience the proverbial peaks and valleys for a reason. The down periods help us to make better sense of what brought us to moments ofexultation and powerful, emotive feelings of self-satisfaction. The clutter is such a waste of your time and mine. Our thoughts and our being are much bolder than that! I’ll let Mr. Thoreau’s wisdom finish this piece.

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
Henry David Thoreau

Make 2018 Your BEST Year!

The Value of You e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

3 Proven Techniques to Recharge Your Focus for the New Year was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Aditya Puppala Thank you, Aditya!

Aditya Puppala Thank you, Aditya! I really appreciate it! It’s an amazing feeling. I really appreciate you checking out the book — would love to know your thoughts! Have a great week, my friend!

Mark Alan Effinger Thanks so much, Mark!

Mark Alan Effinger Thanks so much, Mark! Man- I’ve literally saved your email because each time I see it I see the top part that says, “This is very powerful…” Keeps me motivated and hungry! Thanks very much for your kind words!! Wishing you the best this holiday season. And thanks for sharing your insights about what you do for clients. All my best! Chris

The Two Most Important Words for Your Journey

I received an email a few weeks ago from a friend who I knew when I lived in Washington, D.C. He’s a very successful business professional and he’s an incredibly good man. I hadn’t heard from him in several years. His email meant so much to me that it made me cry. It hit me in a very powerful way. I literally was speechless when I initially tried to tell my wife. I felt touched.

He wrote:

“I wish you well with your pursuit, and have no doubt that if you keep your shoulder to it and keep going, God will bless your efforts tremendously.”

Keep Going

Those words are the representation of persistence and perseverance, perhaps my favorite quality in an individual. “Keep going” is continuing to do our thing, to be you and to further yourself. To keep doing what you love despite doubts.

The beauty of writing is, what’s mine is yours. I love doing what I do so much that it gives me the chills (literally right now as I type). I love doing it because of the way it makes me feel and also knowing my words have a positive effect on you, the reader.

Maybe it’s my coaching background — I have seen how much inspiration and motivation empower the minds of student-athletes and, hungry professionals. Motivation and inspiration only have any relevancy or substance when they are authentic and truly from the heart. Then, our words can compel and fuel those we care about to play, think and perform with greater effort and passion.

When our thoughts are vibrating at high intensity, we get excited. The fire is lit inside of us to want to produce more of the object of our desire.

I know this and learned this about myself in my own journey of personal discovery when I realized that I could not rise to this empowerment of thought when thinking or talking about something I did not have a passion or interest in.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken — Oscar Wilde

I tried in a variety of jobs and pursuits until I realized that I only wanted to devote my time and energy to motivating and inspiring myself and others in areas where I could produce the greatest energy and output.

Please check out my new book! Make living a life with values your New Year’s Resolution! http://amzn.to/2gPBvEzHow do we learn to keep going in the most efficient manner?

Ironically, it’s not just the feedback of others. At least not in the beginning. It’s the testing and trials of honing our craft, learning from our experiences and determining what it is that lights the fire inside of us greater than any other subject or activity. That’s when we know.

So how does this help you?

Surely, there will be things about your job or daily activities that do not involve performing at peak mental simulation or thought. Believe me, I know. We can condition our minds with an attitude of expectancy and futuristic thought so that when we are doing what we love, we maximize that time by focusing intently on those moments and limiting distractions through the power of concentration.

Below is a poem from the great, Oscar Wilde. During a recent trip home to New York to see family and friends, I was discussing artistic efforts and pursuits with a close friend. He immediately thought of this poem (which I had not previously read) and showed it to me. I was floored. Here it is:

The Artist by Oscar Wilde

ONE evening there came into his soul the desire to fashion an image ofThe Pleasure that Abideth for a Moment. And he went forth into the world to look for bronze. For he could think only in bronze.

But all the bronze of the whole world had disappeared, nor anywhere in the whole world was there any bronze to be found, save only the bronze of the image of The Sorrow that Endureth For Ever.

Now this image he had himself, and with his own hands, fashioned, and had set it on the tomb of the one thing he had loved in life. On the tomb of the dead thing he had most loved had he set this image of his own fashioning, that it might serve as a sign of the love of man that dieth not, and a symbol of the sorrow of man that endureth for ever. And in the whole world there was no other bronze save the bronze of this image.

And he took the image he had fashioned, and set it in a great furnace, and gave it to the fire.

And out of the bronze of the image of The Sorrow that Endureth For Everhe fashioned an image of The Pleasure that Abideth for a Moment.

If you live to create and to forge your own path, then this poem is for you. It’s certainly for me. It took me reading through its words a few times to make sense of it and apply it to all that I’m doing. I’m the biggest of believers that we are meant to read or hear certain words at particular times.

Find a way to keep going. Find a way when others don’t think you can and you don’t think you can. Find a way.

The Reward

Last week, I responded to the tweet of a Medium reader who shared one of my stories on Twitter. I thanked him for taking the time to read my story and share it with others. Every time this happens, it’s a real reward. It means a lot. He then took the time to write me back. Two words stood out to me more than anything:

“Keep Going.”

I can’t tell you exactly why this one person’s words of “Keep Going” or the gentleman at the introduction of my story meant so much to me, other than to say, we all need a lift sometimes.

In Dave Grohl’s brilliant video documentary, Sonic Highways, he asks the question, “What happened to America? We use to take care of each other.”This fundamental question and assertion speaks volumes about what little progress — in many respects — we’ve made on the most elementary, human level. To live with purpose is to love with all our hearts.

The respect and admiration of our peers is instrumental in giving life to our belief in ourselves and the positive emotions that accompany it. As artists, writers and individuals who seek fulfillment, we have to keep going. Keep creating. Even when there is no bronze left. Even when it means reinventing something we’ve already created. Or better yet, reinventing ourselves.

Value Yourself!

The Value of You e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

The Two Most Important Words for Your Journey was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The One Thing You Need to Live a Confident Life on Your Terms

Be humble in your confidence yet courageous in your character.” — Melanie Koulouris

First impressions are sometimes all we have. At least in the eyes of those we aim to influence. Like it or not, this is often the way society chooses to measure and judge us. It’s not fair. But it is reality. We see things through the eyes of our experiences and emotions, thus we cannot fully capture the emotions and feelings of another individual, no matter how hard we try.

When we think further about first impressions, really what we’re talking about is presentation, which in and of itself, is about confidence. Surely, kindness, professionalism and charisma matter, but all of those things emanate from the inner and outward demonstration of confidence. For me, confidence is about belief in ourselves and what we’re doing.

Confidence is attained when we’re prepared and self-aware enough to appreciate who we are, faults and all. Confidence is desired in all kinds of relationships, and it’s the ingredient that colors our view of ourselves, as well as how we are perceived by society. So, it is confidence that is worth cultivating and being, in order to live in each moment of the day.

https://medium.com/media/5f546d2e7125b1efd801c0609a17a45a/hrefAhead of the Game

“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit” — E.E. Cummings

While going on an interview recently, my brother said to me,

“You already know another company wants you and is going to make you an offer, go in with confidence, you’re playing with house money.”

The concept, of course, comes from the world of gambling — using the money from the casino to fuel and drive future earnings. Remember, Las Vegas wasn’t built on winners! But it is the winners, that “let it ride” in thought, speech and action — those who lead with confidence — who define how they wish to live their lives.

Playing with house money is a gift, yet also a choice we have to make in how we handle our business. It’s one much easier made, from a psychological standpoint, when we’re not fearful of losing anything, even though we wouldbe losing what we just earned! It’s a mindset of confidence that soothes anxiety and fear of loss, in addition to our aversion to risk.

Approach

What we find in life as humans is some degree of aversion to risk; a fear of the unknown and a conservatism toward taking chances, that if taken, often pay off handsomely. Just maybe not always at the Blackjack table!

We are all programmed with a keen sense for survival, something that is taught and cultivated by our parents, family and the wonderful people who raise each of us. Many of us are given conservative guidance and advice, designed to position us for success and future happiness. Most of the time, this is prudent, because it keeps us out of trouble and eliminates potential obstacles from our path.

But too much conservative advice and coaching toward risk aversion can be dangerous. To live is to risk and to risk is to often take big chances that rely on our natural abilities, but mostly on faith, or belief in self and a higher power. For me, that higher power has always been God, who I trust in and feel is responsible for creating all of us and governing the world and eternity.

Confident State of Mind

“If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that…I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.” — John Lennon

You see, playing with house money is a state of mind, a way for living that I’ve found to be both a builder of confidence and an enabler to greatness. We can apply this thought process into the way we approach so many situations in life. You can integrate a mindset of confidence into your mental approach to how you tackle tasks and how you present yourself in relationships.

How we approach exams at school, the courage to ask a boy or girl on a date, the way we approach an athletic competition — entirely bereft of bad fear — to how we make our decisions on where to live, where to work and the close circle of people we desire to surround ourselves with for the rest of our lives.

I’m not advising against a conservative approach in some areas of life. Oftentimes with our finances, we need to stay a conservative course. The same can be said for advising someone recovering from sickness, injury or depression.

But when we really break down our choices and the paths for how our lives can unfold, I encourage you to consider the prospect of winning several hands of poker and playing with the “excess” money that comes your way.

You’ll find you’ve cultivated a state of mind that knows no worry, believes with a winner’s mindset and possesses the confidence that prepares you to experience happiness and success.

Value Yourself!

The Value of You e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

The One Thing You Need to Live a Confident Life on Your Terms was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Ken M Erney This is so heartwarming to read and honestly, it means a lot!!

Ken M Erney This is so heartwarming to read and honestly, it means a lot!! I try to write from the heart and only put out work that is in rhythm with what I believe. I wish you continued success and happiness on your journey, my friend. Thank you so much for taking the time to write what you did!

Lisa-Maria Huber Hi Lisa- I really enjoyed reading this!!

Lisa-Maria Huber Hi Lisa- I really enjoyed reading this!! This is really good and a great way to approach things. I appreciate your kind comments about your writing. Very grateful to have you as a reader — I hope you’re doing well!

Drew Riach Thanks so much, Drew.

Drew Riach Thanks so much, Drew. This truly did touch me to see this. It means a lot to know I’m making a difference. All my very best to you!

10 Reasons: A Guide for Why We Do, What We Do

“Never regard study as a duty but as an enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later works belong.” — Albert Einstein

On our personal journey, we all seek understanding, meaning, wisdom and knowledge. We want to know why we’re here. We crave purpose. For many of us, we navigate life trying to make sense of who we are by distributing our time across things like obligations, work, family and our passions. We’re trying to find ourselves.

As we mature, we try and find a way to make the schematics of time work in our favor, so we can provide the type of life — for ourselves and our loved ones — that mirrors the vision of our dreams. If we’re going to act on something, we want to know why we should and, we hope to gauge the intended outcomes of that result.

Are we acting in our own self-interest? Are we doing things for others? Self-improving minds perpetually search for answers to the questions of why we do, what we do, as well as who we do it for. The greater understanding we have for the “Why” and the “What”, the more likely we are to find peace and balance in our lives.

This by no means suggests that life is one big game of figuring out all the answers and mysteries that elude us. That’s impossible. It’s a fool’s errand. Buta noble, virtuous quest is to find our purpose — our mission, the namesake of this great publication. I hope as you continue your journey, you take solace that discovering your purpose is not as difficult as it appears at first blush.

In fact, with concentrated effort and focus, and the right methods of identification, you’ll realize in vivid clarity the reasons behind your thoughts, words and actions.

I love growing older. I truly do. I thought I’d fear it when I was in my teen years and even right after I graduated college. But I’ve found that life continues to reveal greater wisdom and beauty the more we seek to find ourselves.

The costs of fearing success and being afraid of becoming who you are meant to be, are astronomical. The pain and anguish is both mental, spiritual, emotional and worst case, physical. The rewards are innumerable. A life lived on your terms. Peace of mind. Clarity of thought. The attainment of dreams and goals. The attraction of warm, loving people that will continue to elevate, inspire and care for you.

I’m not talking about money or fame. I’m talking about virtues and values like faith, hope and love. Peace and confidence. These all form the core foundation of where your actions spring from. Herein, I have listed 10 reasons that help us examine and make sense of why we do, what we do. I hope you find great value in these!

1. Obligation (Need)Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Source: http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

Starting at the base of the above pyramid, in Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we begin with obligation, which is based and defined by our most fundamental needs. Things like food, water, sleep and shelter which we need in order to simply survive. These can come from the government, other providers or ourselves.

There are luxuries and necessities in life. Survival is a sure necessity! So, we go to work and make sure we provide so we have a roof over our heads. Our cognizance of these things may not always be conscious, yet our senses are attuned and aware of it. We do what we have to do to survive, out of obligation to serve others and our needs.

2. Pride (Sense of duty)

This is a wide-ranging category, which could encompass a sense of duty like patriotism, nationalism, volunteerism — the pledge of ourselves for a cause that we deem to be greater than ourselves. This is derived from a feeling or call to take action that we take pride in and that others benefit from.

It’s also a feeling of pride — the good kind! — that comes from a job well done. We work to put “bread on the table” and go to school to prepare our minds for a brighter future. The fruits of those efforts are work products, or high marks on a test that may satisfy a customer’s needs or our own high standards. We take pride in what we do. We strive for success.

3. Vice (Selfish intention)

These are motives that disguise themselves as being in our best interest, often as needs, when they merely offer temporary pleasure and long-term pain. Vices are purely selfish. They don’t help us. They are the actions we should avoid. Yet we’re human and we fall into traps. Who would voluntarily choose a future outcome of long-lasting suffering in exchange for one night of fun?

Not me. Hopefully not you!

And yet we see a smattering of stories each day on gossip and news sites about people cheating on their partners or hurting themselves and others in the name of greed. And that’s only what’s reported! We likely know people in our personal lives that have hurt us or others. Maybe we’ve inflicted emotional wounds on people we care about.

Do your best to steer clear of the distractions and work toward…

4. Love (For the Benefit of Others)

… Doing acts out of kindness, altruism and love for the benefit of others. Find your people. Find your family, your loved ones. The people you’d run through a brick wall for and give anything to have in your life. Act out of kindness and love toward these people and I assure you, based on all of my life’s experiences and work, the gift will be reciprocated in equal or greater measure.

The most beautiful intentions, reasons and actions we take are rooted in love for our fellow man or woman.

Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone — we find it with another. — Thomas Merton

5. Passion

Passion for me and love, are in many respects, inextricably linked, as they share a mutual bond. My favorite activity is to spend time with my family — the people I love. My second favorite thing to do is pursue my passions of writing and coaching, which have the end-goal of providing benefit for others.Every column I write, every basketball team I coach and every client I work with, I earnestly hope, is better off for having met me.

I say this not out of arrogance or pride, but purely because I desire to have a positive influence on people that I meet, either virtually or in-person. Passion is about spending time and doing the work for which we have otherworldly enthusiasm. Find the people and things that light the fire inside of you.

6. Check the Box

Checking the box is a term I apply to things we can say that we accomplished, even if we don’t necessarily derive satisfaction from them. These may be lower-priority “bucket list” items, trying a new course at university or learning a new skill that may never be of use. But, ah! We did it! And the truth is, maybe that calligraphy class we sat in on could lead to more profitable ventures. Just ask Steve Jobs.

7. Destiny

Our father might have done it. Our sister may have. All of us likely inherited some kind of tradition or feeling of destiny in our youth. We shoot for the stars and hope to exceed the standard or bar set by a family member, schoolmate or countryman. Perhaps, we simply believe that a particular occupation or set of circumstances are our destiny. For better or for worse.

Only you will know the answer.

8. For Show (Attention and Affection)

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. — Brene Brown

Let’s face it, part of being human is the desire to be the object of affection for another person, and often to gain the attention of others. In my earlier, wilder years, I found myself in situations I never would have imagined, were it not for the desire to meet or date a young woman. So I took chances, met new people, tried new things and have some hilarious stories to share.

Maybe in my memoir!

I acted out in middle and high school with classmates purely for fun, to get a laugh out of friends. I craved attention and risked getting in trouble to get it. What do you do, that you may find crazy or silly at the time, purely to gain the attention or affection of others? If I may be so bold, perhaps, it’s more of your actions than you think!

9. For Us (Self-Actualization and Fulfillment)

My passion for writing led me to recently publish my first book. It’s a very exciting time in my life. To reach a major objective or goal, we have to want it, and we need to feel energized and empowered to get there. We’ll be better for it and so will the people we care about. Allow me to explain…

Our best actions are rooted in love and done for others. Though, we are best positioned to love someone else when we’ve worked ambitiously to forge a new frontier for ourselves. My evolution as a writer and man has enabled my other relationships to flourish even more. I take great pride in the personal development strides I’ve made. Hopefully, you feel exactly the same.

When you do the work and improve yourself, you improve your mind, body and soul. Then, you take what you’ve learned and share that light and love to with others. You’re happier and there is greater equanimity in your life. This feeling of fulfillment is worth working toward.

10. For All

For the benefit of mankind. I come full circle with this last one and re-iterate the words of Mr. Einstein above. Let your thoughts, words and actions, manifested in their most magnanimous form, be for “the profit of the community to which your later works belong.”

If you left the world tomorrow, who would be the people you would remember most? I’ll answer that question and tell you, unequivocally, the people that gave me love and helped me become the man I am today. Those people have left a legacy, and a tremendous influence on my life. Their actions will echo throughout eternity.

Generosity, love and kindness are not impulsive reactions. They require thought and concern for others. They’re communicated via words and actions that inspire and radiate warmth. Those people knew why they did, what they did. Hopefully, you can aspire to be so beautiful. The gifts of gratitude and love will be yours in return.

Value Yourself!

The Value of You e-book is available for a limited time for just $2.99! Order the e-book HERE!

Join my newsletter if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

10 Reasons: A Guide for Why We Do, What We Do was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Dreams Do Come True*

*If you build your life on values and game plan for your present and future.

Ahhh! That darn asterisk! There’s always a catch, isn’t there? There sure seems to be when we start talking about our dreams coming true. For most of us that means finding the loved one we’ve searched for, finding the job we’ve always wanted or maybe our dream home. Well, what about simply living life on your terms, according to your guidelines, with no regrets? Lofty, right?

What does that even mean, anyway?

Living life on your terms means deciding the values you want to guide your life. It means processing your thoughts, taking the ideas that have power and converting them into plans that you put into action. Oh, you want an example? Well, here’s one:

The high school essay of my friend, Mark O’Connell (via Instagram)

A very good friend of mine growing up is the longtime drummer for the rock band, Taking Back Sunday. From the time he was very young — he wanted to be a great rock n’ roll drummer. He had the idea. He had the passion. He dreamed about it and believed in it more than anything else in his entire life. He started writing and speaking those dreams over his life.

He had a goal of joining a rock band and by God, he sure did. Multiple gold albums with millions of records sold worldwide, and I think we can all agree that Mark and the boys from Taking Back Sunday found success. Mark believed in himself. He believed in his dream. He’s a guy who loves his friends and family more than anything in the whole world.

He prioritized his values, put together a plan and began living his dream. He embraced the success that came because he waited his whole childhood for it to come. He wasn’t afraid.

The reason so many people walk away from their dreams is because they’re afraid they may actually live to see them. One of the craziest things I’ve found on my journey in life is that so many of us are afraid of success. We’re afraid because we get anxious about a future of unknowns. We can’t possibly know what the future will bring without giving things a shot.

Staying right where we are is easy. Staying right there, stuck in neutral, is actually comfortable. It’s the path of least resistance. Because it doesn’t require us to take any chances! It literally requires no risk at all! And because so many of us are risk averse and afraid of what we’ll find out when we take a chance, we find ourselves ensconced in the friendly confines of the status quo.

In other words — not moving forward, yet thinking we’re not moving backwards (even though we are).

“Trust in dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.” — Khalil Gibran

When you choose to forfeit your chance at living life on your terms, you’re forced to live by the rules of other people. Forever. And boy does that suck, let’s face it. We all start out that way. For those of us who figure out how to think, control our thoughts, build a life on values like love, hard work, faith, perseverance and gratitude, we recognize that “just getting by” simply won’t cut it.

We want much more than that. And as long as we’re willing to plan, set goals, embrace the process and love our work, then we’ll climb the mountains that previously seemed far too high, and much too distant. Life begins to come more naturally when you choose to live boldly. When you build on values, formulate a game plan and commit action every day.

As I sit here now, I write to tell you that one of my dreams came true today. I’m now a bestselling author. The Value of You currently places in the top-100 e-books for two different Self-Help categories on Amazon. I can assure you, I never would have been able to do this if I didn’t dream big, base my life on values and commit to a game plan that I’m constantly building on and living.

I hope to someday stand in the winner’s circle and become a New York Times bestselling author. It won’t be easy, but I know it’s possible. But my real dream is to help people live a bold, confident life that blends their enthusiasm and passion with their natural, God-given ability. I care about this so passionately because I tend to find one common theme among us humans: so many of us are living day-to-day with their hopes and dreams.

Millions of people struggle to get by because they refuse to take up the gauntlet of living life on their terms.

“The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person.” — Dr. Stephen R. Covey

I hope you’re willing to do the work like I did nearly eight years ago. I remember sitting down at my kitchen table and deciding “enough is enough.” I was no longer willing to put up with mediocrity. So I started to plan. I started to make peace with my past and began buillding my life on values. I began planning out my life. I realized I wasn’t as lazy as I thought. I just needed a plan, then I could execute off it.

I have a long way to go, and by no means am I finished. I’ve become addicted to the process and the pursuit of sustained success. The rewards are nice, and I’ve come to value the importance of celebrating the small wins. But we all have to keep going. I care most about living in the moment with the process and embracing it.

Dreams do come true. It’s not what we’re show in saccharine Hollywood scripts or fantasy Disney films. Dreams come true for those who are willing to use their powerful brains to formulate ideas, hope, believe, plan and act. Just ask my friend Mark. And you can ask me, too. I’m happy to help.

Dream Big!

The Value of You e-book is available for a limited time for just .99 cents! Order the e-book HERE!

Contact me if you’d like, Follow my Facebook Page and Join me on your journey. Let’s GO!

Dreams Do Come True* was originally published in Personal Growth on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.