Ariel Zorion's Blog, page 12

LC La Hora Del Ocaso – 2ª semana

No sé ni cómo calificar esta segunda sesión de la Lectura Conjunta de La Hora del Ocaso. Sorprendente, imaginativa, divertida, intensa, enriquecedora… No creo que ninguno de estos adjetivos llegue a acercarse a una buena definición. Desde luego, de lo que no cabe duda es de que se trata de un grupo muy dinámico y con altas dosis de imaginación. Era absolutamente sorprendente la cantidad de ideas y teorías que manejaban. Además, me gustó mucho como fluyó la sesión, con comentarios muy interesantes y constructivos. Y, si en la primera sesión hubo un cuestionario en vivo sobre qué opinaban sobre un determinado personaje, en ésta lo que se realizó fue una lista de posibles sospechosos. ¡IMPRESIONANTE!

Destacaría por encima de todo las distintas impresiones que dejan en cada cual los protagonistas, los sucesos que van narrándose en la historia y por los derroteros por los que cada uno considera que va a continuar. Aquí uno se da cuenta de la riqueza de la diversidad, puesto que esas formas tan diferentes de ver un mismo libro hace que su su vida se multiplique de manera exponencial y que se transforme en algo mucho más allá de una historia comprimida en un número concreto de páginas.

Esta experiencia es única, sin duda. Incluso observar el ritmo de lectura de cada uno, puesto que la mayoría se ciñen a las metas y alguno que otro no se puede resistir y sigue avanzando incluso hasta llegar al final (yo estaría en este último grupo, casi sin dudarlo).

Tal vez sea un buen ejercicio para cualquier autor para así salir de la zona de confort, puesto que escribir es una actividad prioritariamente solitaria que requiere, además, de cierta introspección. Agradezco infinitamente la implicación de los participantes y todas las aportaciones que hacen.

La próxima semana, tenemos nueva sesión. Ya os contaré mis impresiones….

Si te apetece apuntarte a una Lectura Conjunta de alguno de mis libros, deja tu comentario más abajo, envíame un mail o mándame un mensaje directo a través de Instagram, Telegram o WhatsApp. Mis datos de contacto se encuentran en el menú principal.

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Interconnected 2

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Chapter 2

When she finished filling in the profile data, she was unable to recognize the person described on her screen. There was no doubt that this was a self-confident woman with an exciting job and a full life. Surely she had traveled extensively and had lived indescribable experiences. However, if all that were true, why would she be on that dating site looking to be networked? She couldn’t know, as she wasn’t like her. Perhaps, simply out of sheer adventurous spirit – who cares about that? She convinced herself that anyone could access such sites, it didn’t have to be just losers like her. Now all that was left for her to do was to find a photo that might fit that description. She would have to browse the Internet to find one that suited her. Would that be a crime? I mean, would putting someone else’s picture on your profile be impersonation or something similar? He supposed not. Besides, he wasn’t going to hurt anyone either, and many people put pictures of celebrities, for example, in their WhatsApp avatars, on Twitter or on their Facebook wall. This gave him a new idea. She would open accounts on other social networks. The tangle of the internet would protect her and help her find the human warmth that in her daily life was so elusive. Step by step. First, the dating website. She would show Luisa that she could find a partner, too. She was so furious with her! He had to show her that he didn’t need her at all.

So, enraptured with a new identity, she set out to visit the pages of different men, especially those who seemed the most inaccessible. She left them all kinds of spicy and daring messages. And why not? It was time to release all kinds of hidden thoughts and feelings, those that from the earliest childhood you are taught to corner in the innermost place of your conscious self because, you are told, they are impure and, therefore, sinful. On the other hand, an insurmountable mask of lies concealed her. She could say whatever she felt like saying, without any concealment. It was time to free her repressed self.

How exciting! There were men of all kinds. It was like going shopping. You look, you look, and when you like something, you try it on and buy it. But now, moreover, she didn’t have to look at prices because, with her new self, she could buy anything she liked. She didn’t realize that, barely aware of it, she was disguising her mind with a dangerous false self-confidence. And the next day she would have to go back to work with her old self in tow.

She waited a few minutes for someone to answer. How was it possible that no one answered? It was impossible for anyone to reject a woman like that. She began to get impatient. She was not willing to feel a virtual rejection, she had enough of that in her real life. She opened her new Facebook, Twitter, Instagram accounts… Everything she could think of. What kind of people would she like to contact? In any case, none of her personal or work environment, since they could discover her and the embarrassment that would cause would be unbearable for her. She would literally not be able to return to her job.

Faster than it happened with the dating website, she started to have followers on Twitter and friends on Facebook. How simple everything seems on the internet? Before you’re even aware of it, you have a bunch of those friends that are going to be there forever. He felt his adrenaline pumping. Social media is a fascinating world. Once you get enmeshed in its web, you can’t escape. You become addicted to that world of acceptance and condescension. I wish I could live forever connected to it. Real life, on the other hand… That was another matter. How many disappointments she had suffered throughout her life. And how many humiliations since she was just a child. At times, she had felt that the pity she inspired in others hurt her even more than the humiliation inflicted by others. But that was over. She didn’t have to put up with it anymore. Now virtual reality was on her side and was opening its arms wide to her.

TO BE CONTINUED…

If you are interested in learning more about my books, please visit my Amazon page (some books soon in English as well).

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Dark personality triad

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In fact, in the second book of the trilogy what is directly referred to is MacDonald’s Homicidal Theory, according to which three behaviors appear in childhood that make one suspect a future serial killer: animal abuse, enuresis and pyromania. This theory is handled, for example, in series such as Criminal Minds and gives a lot of play to build the plot, I will not deny it. However, recently there have been advances in research in this branch of psychology that lean towards other types of theories that seem to have more scientific basis, as is the case of the one that gives title to this entry.

According to the book Psychopathy, a multidisciplinary approach by Francisco J. de Santiago Herrero, the Big Five have dominated research in personality psychology for 60 years. What are the Big Five, you may ask, and what are they? Well, they are personality traits. These five traits are based on the concepts that people most often use to describe each other (openness, neuroticism, extroversion, conscientiousness and agreeableness). However, over time it has been seen that this was a model with limitations, so other contributions have been made.

Coming soon…

The Dark Triad Model of Personality was designed by Paulhus and Williams (2002) to assess the three most socially aversive traits that can be found in the literature of personalities without any type of pathology. Often, studies are done with subjects from clinical populations. However, the Dark Personality Theory is done with a normative, therefore, non-clinical population and hence part of the novelty. It speaks specifically of three basic components to be taken into account in this dark personality that some human beings have: psychopathy, Machiavellianism and narcissism. Next, we are going to see briefly what is included in the book Psychopathy about these three traits.

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NARCISSISM

It comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a mythological character who drowns when he falls in love with his own reflection and tries to kiss it in a lake. The first authors to develop this construct at a “subclinical” level were Raskin and Hall (1979) with the Narcissistic Personality Inventory NPI for a normalized population with the typical narcissistic traits of dominance, superiority, ego reinforcement and grandiosity. But this subclinical aspect was fully developed with Morf and Rhodewalt (2001), creating a model of narcissistic self-regulation with the combination of the traits of grandiosity and vulnerability.

The main components of narcissism are the following:

Grandiosity.Deficits in the elements of self-control/impulsivity and affective/insensitivity.Thrill-seeking and recklessnessInsensitive manipulation as a consequence of criminal behavior.Antisocial behaviorAbsence of moralityLack of remorse for actions that may harm others.

Other typical characteristics of these subjects when the level is very high is that they believe they are superior to others, have a high self-esteem and confidence level, considering the rest of people as inept beings, with excessive ideas about love, beauty or success about themselves (Emmons, 1987). An important fact to mention is the link with aggressiveness and self-esteem, i.e., when self-esteem is stable, this aggression (attitudinal) will correlate positively with narcissism, and with an unstable self-esteem, negatively.

PSYCHOPATHY

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Its theoretical basis is based on Cleckey’s book, The mask of Sanity (1941). Hare (1991) relied on this classic text to develop the first scientific measurement instrument for psychopathy for the first time with the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised. As key features of this construct we find deficits in affect with callousness and poor self-control with impulsivity (Paulhus and Jones, 2014).
This disorder is described as emotionally disturbed with an increased risk of acquiring antisocial behavior and reduced capacity for empathy and guilt. The definition of psychopathic individuals would be to have very little empathy and superficial charm, undervaluing others, so their self-concept is idealized and unrealistic feeling superior (grandiosity), with a continuous search for new sensations. They would be violent and insensitive and very impulsive people who are able to self-control some traits such as fear/anxiety. This construct is the most estimated as dark or aversive in this model because of its great affinity with the criminal area.

MAQUIAVELISM

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This trait has the peculiarity of being the only one of the three that was developed for social research, so it did not have to be adapted from any clinical population. It has its roots clearly in the work of Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince, a reading which, by the way, I highly recommend. By definition, Machiavellian people are understood to be cynical and manipulative.

Therefore, Machiavellianism would correspond to some opportunistic, calculating beings who greatly enjoy manipulating others, interpersonal manipulation as the crux of success in life, to reach a goal that is usually the satisfaction of the same process, emotionally insensitive, with a certain social charm to carry out their plans and a way to dominate the rest, unprincipled and cold and cynical, as well as the banal attempt to maintain a reputation to prevent their position from being compromised. Machiavellian personalities possess superior impulse regulation, but lack special cognitive abilities.

In a future post I will tell you about the Tyrarchic Model of Psychopathy.

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Triada oscura de la personalidad

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Con ese nombre, dicha teoría no se puede referir a nada bueno, ¿no os parece? A los que estáis leyendo o habéis leído los libros que he publicado hasta ahora de la Trilogía del Ocaso, es decir, La Hora del Ocaso y El Ocaso de los Días seguro que ya os suena algo esto de la Triada Oscura de la Personalidad.

En realidad, en el segundo libro de la trilogía lo que se refiere directamente es la Teoría homicida de MacDonald, según la cual, en la infancia aparecen tres comportamientos que hacen sospechar de un futuro asesino en serie: el maltrato animal, la enuresis y la piromanía. Esta teoría se maneja, por ejemplo, en series como la de Mentes Criminales y da mucho juego para construir la trama, no os lo voy a negar. Sin embargo, recientemente ha habido avances en la investigación en esta rama de la psicología que se inclinan por otro tipo de teorías que parecen tener más base científica, como es el caso de la que da título a esta entrada.

Según el libro La Psicopatía, un enfoque multidisciplinar de Francisco J. de Santiago Herrero, los Cinco Grandes han dominado la investigación en psicología de la personalidad durante 60 años. Te preguntarás, ¿y qué son los Cinco Grandes? Bien, pues son rasgos de personalidad. Estos cinco rasgos se basan en los conceptos que las personas más utilizan para describirse entre ellas (apertura, neuroticismo, extroversión, conciencia y amabilidad). No obstante, con el tiempo se ha visto que éste era un modelo con limitaciones, por lo que se han ido realizando otras aportaciones.

El Modelo de la Triada Oscura de la Personalidad fue diseñado por Paulhus y Williams (2002) para evaluar los tres rasgos socialmente más aversivos que se pueden encontrar en la literatura de personalidades sin ningún tipo de patología. Muchas veces, los estudios se hacen con sujetos de población clínica. Sin embargo, la Teoría Oscura de la Personalidad se hace con población normativa, por lo tanto, no clínica y de ahí parte de la novedad. Habla concretamente de tres componentes básicos a tener en cuenta en esta personalidad oscura que tienen algunos seres humanos: la psicopatía, el maquiavelismo y el narcisismo. A continuación, vamos a ver someramente que se recoge en el libro de La Psicopatía sobre estos tres rasgos.

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NARCISISMO

Viene del mito griego de Narciso, personaje mitológico que se ahoga al enamorarse de su propio reflejo e intentar besarlo en un lago. Los primeros autores en desarrollar este constructor a un nivel “subclínico” fueron Raskin y Hall (1979) con el Inventario de Personalidad Narcisista NPI para una población normalizada con los típicos caracteres narcisistas de dominio, superioridad, refuerzo del ego y grandiosidad. Pero este aspecto subclínico se desarrolló íntegramente con Morf y Rhodewalt (2001), creándose un modelo de autorregulación narcisista con la combinación de los rasgos de grandiosidad y vulnerabilidad.

Los componentes principales del narcisismo son los siguientes:

La grandiosidad.El déficit en los elementos de autocontrol/impulsividad y afectivo/insensibilidadLa búsqueda de emociones e imprudencia La manipulación insensible como consecuencia del comportamiento criminal.La conducta antisocialLa ausencia de moralidadLa falta de remordimiento con acciones que puedan lastimar a otras personas. Photo by kat wilcox on Pexels.com

Otras típicas características de estos sujetos cuando el nivel es muy alto es que creen ser superiores a los demás, tienen una elevada autoestima y nivel de confianza, considerando al resto de personas como seres ineptos, con ideas desmesuradas sobre el amor, la belleza o el éxito sobre sí mismos (Emmons, 1987). Un dato importante a mencionar es el nexo con la agresividad y autoestima, es decir, cuando la autoestima está de una manera estable, esta agresión (actitudinal) se correlacionará positivamente con el narcisismo, y con una autoestima inestable, negativamente.

PSICOPATÍA

Su base teórica se fundamenta en el libro de Cleckey, The mask of Sanity (1941). Hare (1991) se basó en este texto clásico para desarrollar el primer instrumento de medición científico a la psicopatía por primera vez con el Psychopathy Checklist-Revised. Como rasgos clave de este constructo nos encontramos los déficits en el afecto con insensibilidad y un pobre autocontrol con impulsividad (Paulhus y Jones, 2014).

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Este trastorno se describe como una alteración emocional con un mayor riesgo de adquirir comportamiento antisocial y con una capacidad de empatizar y de culpa reducidas. La definición de los individuos psicopáticos sería el tener muy poca empatía y encanto superficial, infravalorando a los demás, por lo que su autoconcepto está idealizado y es poco realista sintiéndose superiores (grandiosidad), con una búsqueda continua de nuevas sensaciones. Serían personas violentas e insensibles y muy impulsivas que son capaces de autocontrol algunos rasgos como el miedo/ansiedad. Este constructo es el más estimado como oscuro o aversivo en este modelo por su gran afinidad con el área criminal.

MAQUIAVELISMO

Éste rasgo tiene la peculiaridad de ser el único de los tres que se desarrolló para la investigación social, por lo que no se tuvo que adaptar de ninguna población clínica. Hunde sus raíces claramente en la obra de El Príncipe, de Nicolás Maquiavelo, una lectura que, por cierto, recomiendo. Por definición, se entienden como maquiavélicas aquellas personas cínicas y manipuladoras.

Por lo tanto, el maquiavelismo correspondería con unos seres oportunistas, calculadores que disfruten enormemente manipulando a los demás, manipulación interpersonales como quid de éxito en la vida, para llegara un objetivo que generalmente es la satisfacción del mismo proceso, insensibles emocionalmente, con un cierto encanto social para llevar a cabo sus planes y es un amanera de dominar al resto, sin principios y por ser fríos y cínicos, así como el intento banal de mantener una reputación para evitar que su posición sea comprometida. Las personalidades maquiavélicas poseen una regulación de impulso superior, pero carecen de habilidades cognitivas especiales.

En una próxima entrada os hablaré del Modelo Tirárquico de la Psicopatía.

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Interconnected

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Synopsis

We live in a society of screens. We believe that this keeps us connected and we have the feeling that we are never alone because there is always someone on the other side with whom we can establish some kind of contact. Without realizing it, our real life merges with the virtual one until there is no trace of the person we used to be. Can you become diluted in this sea of wires and their tangled binary code? It all depends on you…

Chapter 1

INTERCONNECTED

I was still sitting in front of the computer. How long had I been like this? She had no idea. The contact page was open in the background while she decided to log in and sign up. Why was it so hard for her to make decisions? Even a simple one like that. In any case, something had to be done. Ever since Luisa, her inseparable friend, had started dating Daniel, she felt more lonely than usual. And that was saying too much because it seemed to her that she had never fit in anywhere. She was so fed up with everything.

Ever since she was little, she’d had a hard time relating to others. That damn shyness had bound her hand and foot all her life, and she hadn’t been able to overcome it over the years. She felt a kind of learned helplessness and an almost out-of-body block when she had to face social situations that involved interacting with strangers. Worst of all, strangers rarely became acquaintances, since she could never think of topics to talk about. And, of course, she was never the one to break the ice or initiate a conversation. That was almost unthinkable. How could she dare to go on a date with someone she had only interacted with online? She would worry about that later. Maybe it wouldn’t be necessary to get to know each other and it would be enough to have someone on the other side of the screen. After all, it was a way to feel connected and, at the same time, chase away that damned feeling of loneliness and abandonment.

It had been a long time since her last date. And, as usual, it hadn’t gone too well. The few times she had gone out with men, it had been thanks to double dates in which Luisa had invited a friend of her partner. No relationship too seriously. But now… With Daniel it seemed that things were serious. Damn it! He had her absorbed. She hardly had time for anything else. It had never been like this before. And she still needed her friend. Who was she going out with now? Who was she going to talk to? She didn’t feel like looking for new friends.

Anger made her get on the dating website without further ado. She surprised herself by deciding to do it, she who was always hesitant about the smallest decision. She registered and filled in all the data, although she made up the reality of the situation. To be honest, that’s an understatement because nothing she was writing bore any resemblance to reality. She had never felt comfortable in her skin, that was the truth, so why not invent an alternate self? There was no danger involved, as far as she knew. She wouldn’t even have to use her real name if she didn’t want to. On the net she could show herself as she would like to be in reality. Almost compulsively, she began to fill out the form.

TO BE CONTINUED…

You can get my books on my Amazon page (soon in English as well).

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Why does Derek look like Simon Baker?

Simon Baker in The Mentalist

Derek is probably the most endearing character of the trilogy. He stands out for his sensitivity, his good character and his generosity. In addition, he is an attractive man who conquers with his smile. However, there are many people who tell me that they love Kisha Jennings, because of that peculiar character she has, maybe because she is so much her, so much Kisha.

However, Derek has something that makes you fall in love with him because he is someone who has conquered self-confidence starting from a point of total lack of self-confidence. He has made it to the top in his career, but that doesn’t make him vain or forget who he is or his roots.

The character of Patrick Jane in The Mentalist, played by the attractive Australian actor Simon Baker, is a fresh, funny and very insightful character. In addition, he has a natural elegance that gives him a special touch of sophistication that is not available to just anyone. On the other hand, he is a born seducer almost unintentionally and manages to turn heads, just like Derek.

All are ingredients that have an influence but, in addition, the fact of resembling Derek’s character to a known face helps to fix his image in our minds, in a unique and different way. However, with Kisha Jennings I wanted each reader to imagine her in his or her own way, although some have told me that she reminded them of Agent Theresa Lisbon even though, in my opinion, they bear little resemblance. However, that is precisely the magic of the books, that for each reader the character acquires a different appearance.

Perhaps it has influenced in some sense also my love for Australia. I visited it in 2016 and returned to Spain in love with that place and its people, always friendly and close, with an extraordinary kindness and warmth. I was so amazed that for a while I was checking the types of visas they have to start living there for at least a year. I was just a few days away from submitting the papers and I still don’t rule it out completely.

Within the blog menu, in the TRAVEL section there is one dedicated to this wonderful country that I hope to complete in the coming weeks or months. Too many projects in progress… In any case, I will work for it to be soon.

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Joint Reading: first impressions

You may know that I am participating in the Joint Reading of one of my books, specifically of La Hora Del Ocaso. It is the first time I am involved in something like this and I would like to tell you my impressions.

First of all, I would like to highlight the good organization of the person in charge of it. If you want to take a look at her Instagram, you can find her, as you can see in the picture, at @descubriendoautores. She is in charge of setting goals, commenting days and even material to track reading. I think it’s an act of boundless generosity.

As far as that time to exchange opinions is concerned, on the one hand, I never imagined that it would last more than two hours and that people would be so involved and active, which is to be appreciated. It was the first eleven chapters of the book and I was convinced that they could not arouse too much controversy. Well, I was amazed about the different and even disparate opinions about the characters, the plot, the diversity of theories that arose, about absolutely everything. Amazing, really!!!!

On the other hand, I think it is necessary to talk about the emotions and feelings that this provokes and the management of them. Undoubtedly, it is an opportunity for personal growth. It is difficult at first to digest certain criticisms. With that tendency that we humans sometimes have to keep the bad things, there was a moment when I felt a little overwhelmed by certain comments, without seeing that most of them were positive and, above all, very constructive. It is the feeling of finding yourself under the magnifying glass of a microscope in which absolutely everything is analyzed. It is not always comfortable.

One of the participants, also a writer it seems, had been very critical even before starting (in the previous days) and went so far as to say that he had only read the Prologue and had already found a rookie mistake, which I found unfortunate, especially considering that the mistake did not turn out to be such, but he did not retract it as a group either. I found that comment hurtful since I understood that it could bias the rest of the readers in the group, especially when it was not accurate. Looking at the subsequent trajectory, I am sure he is not malicious, even though he puts more effort into highlighting what he considers to be flaws than possible virtues. However, I understood that I had to change the way I reacted. Can it bias the rest? Yes, that’s true, it does happen. It is what is known as the hypodermic needle effect. However, it doesn’t mean that I’m not right about some things and that they can be useful to me.

Many people are unaware that employing a minimum of psychology helps you to be listened to more attentively. In my years in the profession, I have observed the difference between starting a meeting or conversation by highlighting the negative aspects and starting with the positive. In the first case, the interlocutor closes the door and no longer wants to listen because he feels attacked. I admit that this has happened to me. In the second case, when you start talking about what you like, about what is good, highlighting what is positive, it is easier for the other person to listen to you attentively and be willing to admit the criticism much more easily.

Do I recommend this experience and will I repeat it in the future? It is too early to say because there are still three weeks left and I don’t know where the meetings are going to go. I can say that I am finding it intense, perhaps too intense at times. However, if I have to give an overall assessment, so far I can say that it is enriching for the excitement of the almost direct contact with the reader in this weekly meeting, for that learning and personal and professional growth, for that entering into an unknown experience.

The future will tell…

Have you ever participated in a Joint Reading? What has your experience as a reader/writer been like?

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Lectura Conjunta: primeras impresiones

Tal vez sepáis que estoy participando en la Lectura Conjunta de uno de mis libros, concretamente de La Hora Del Ocaso. Es la primera vez que me implico en algo así y me gustaría contaros mis impresiones.

Lo primero de todo, destacaría la buena organización de la persona que se encarga de ello. Si queréis echar un vistazo a su Instagram, podéis encontrarla, tal y como veis en la foto, en @descubriendoautores. Se encarga de establecer las metas, los días de comentar e incluso material para hacer el seguimiento de la lectura. Creo que es un acto de generosidad sin límites.

En lo que a ese tiempo de intercambiar opiniones se refiere, por un lado, nunca me imaginé que iba a extenderse más de dos horas y que la gente estaría tan implicada y activa, lo cual es de agradecer. Eran los once primeros capítulos del libro y estaba convencida de que no podían suscitar demasiada controversia. Bien, pues me quedé alucinada acerca de las distintas e incluso dispares opiniones sobre los personajes, la trama, la diversidad de teorías que surgieron, sobre absolutamente todo. ¡¡Impresionante, la verdad!!

Por otro lado, creo que es preciso hablar de las emociones y sentimientos que esto provoca y la gestión de los mismos. Sin lugar a dudas, es una oportunidad de crecimiento personal. Es difícil en un primer momento digerir ciertas críticas. Con esa tendencia que tenemos a veces los humanos de quedarnos con lo malo, hubo un momento que me sentí algo sobrepasada por ciertos comentarios, sin llegar a ver que la mayoría estaban siendo positivos y, sobre todo, muy constructivos. Es la sensación de encontrarte bajo la lupa de un microscopio en lo que se analiza absolutamente todo. No siempre resulta cómodo.

Alguno de los participantes, también escritor según parece, había sido muy crítico desde antes incluso de empezar (en los días previos) y llegó a decir que sólo había leído el Prólogo y ya había encontrado un error de novato, cuya expresión me pareció desafortunada, especialmente teniendo en cuenta que el error no resultó ser tal, pero del que tampoco se retractó de ello en grupo. Ese comentario me resultó hiriente puesto que entendí que podía predisponer al resto de lectores del grupo, especialmente cuando no era acertado. Viendo la trayectoria posterior, estoy segura de que no es malintencionado, a pesar de que dedica más esfuerzo en resaltar los que considera defectos que las posibles virtudes. Sin embargo, comprendí que yo tenía que cambiar mi forma de reaccionar. ¿Puede predisponer al resto? Sí, es cierto, eso pasa. Es lo que se conoce como el efecto de la aguja hipodérmica. No obstante, no significa que no tenga razón en algunas cosas y que puedan resultarme útiles.

Muchas personas desconocen que emplear un mínimo de psicología ayuda a que te escuchen con más atención. En mis años de profesión he observado la diferencia cuando una reunión o conversación empieza destacando los aspectos negativos a cuando se comienza por lo positivo. En el primer caso, el interlocutor se cierra en banda y ya no quiere escuchar porque se siente atacado. Eso reconozco que me pasó. En el segundo caso, cuando empiezas hablando de lo que te gusta, de lo bueno, realzando aquello que es positivo, es más fácil que la otra persona te escuche con atención y esté dispuesta a admitir la crítica con mucha más facilidad.

¿Recomiendo esta experiencia? ¿La repetiré en un futuro? Es pronto para decirlo porque aún quedan tres semanas y no sé por dónde van a discurrir las reuniones. Puedo decir que me está resultando intenso, tal vez demasiado en algunos momentos. No obstante, si tengo que dar una valoración global, hasta el momento puedo decir que es enriquecedor por esa emoción del contacto casi directo con el lector en esa cita semanal, por ese aprendizaje y crecimiento personal y profesional, por ese adentrarse en una experiencia desconocida.

El futuro lo dirá…

¿Y tú? ¿Has participado en alguna Lectura Conjunta? ¿Cómo ha sido tu experiencia como lector/escritor?

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THE WINGS OF MY GUITAR

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My world had fallen apart. Sometimes, life is shit under the sole of your sneaker. It insists on sticking to you and spreading a foul, foul stench until you’re breathless. I felt like there was nothing worthwhile anymore. High school was an ordeal. That’s what happens when you’re the target of ridicule. Going to class is not something you look forward to. But, well, I was used to it. In the end, when it’s what you’ve known for as long as you can remember, you get used to it. I know it sounds conformist, but that’s the way it is. Then I’d get home and those six hellish hours would die down like a fire in the pouring rain. My mother was the most cheerful person in the world. She was able to bring out the positive in even a funeral. She was a laugh artist. Optimistic to the end.

Until the end.

I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. My mother was my world. She was my rock. I had no idea how I was going to navigate the mud left by her absence. My feet would sink when I tried to get out of bed, as if the carpet would swallow them up and prevent me from moving forward. I had always gotten along well with my father, but I barely saw him because he was at work all day, especially since I had to work overtime to pay for the treatment of that fucking disease. Now that she was gone, I had enough to deal with because he may have been the breadwinner, but she was our breadwinner.

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One day, the school called. I figured they were doing it to make my life easier. Of course, I say that sarcastically, because I thought they wanted to warn me about my accumulated absences. In other words, that they wanted to give me a call. But they didn’t. I was wrong. It was Luis, my music teacher. He only gave me one hour a week of class, but he had missed me. His words were: “I missed you”, which is not exactly the same thing. I missed me. Mister “Yes-outside-invisible-best”. I couldn’t believe it. I thought he was staying with me.

He asked me when I was planning to go back to class, but I was crushed. Going back to school was exactly what I was least in the mood for. “I don’t know,” was my response. “Okay, I’ll come by and see you then.” Of course I didn’t believe him for a second. He was a cool teacher, that was true. I enjoyed his classes because music is my life and whenever he saw me around the school, he always came up to me to tell me something. More than once he had told me “if you need anything, you know where to find me”. But now. I mean, I thought it was just a typical line to make myself look good, so I never went to him. What for? What could I change?

If I had known before…

The truth is, he changed everything. It’s amazing how one person can make a difference. When I felt most alone in the world, he reached out to me and helped me come back from the darkness.

He came to see me that day and brought his guitar. He didn’t ask me the usual “how are you feeling” questions, nor did he say the usual “everything will pass” or “time heals everything”. We played several songs in my living room for about an hour. And my broken heart began to mend.

From that moment on, I never hesitated to seek him out in high school whenever I had a problem. He always helped me. There were no excuses. There was no lip service. He was there and gave me a helping hand. Period.

Luis changed my life. It sounds like a simple sentence but it is not, because it implies radical and perceptible changes in the existence of a human being. A teacher can do it, that’s the truth. They take us in their hands in the most vulnerable moments of our lives and lead us under their wing until we can fend for ourselves.

No one can fly with broken wings and mine were not only broken, they were splintered.

After my mother’s death, Luis put me back together. My father had enough of his own grief from losing the person he thought he would grow old with. He could do no more. And I understand that. Fortunately, my music teacher was determined not to let me fall into the abyss of sadness and pulled me out of his clutches with guitar chords.

Without a doubt, he was my best teacher.

Translated with http://www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

Español / English

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He decidido que es importante ampliar horizontes y, por eso, poco a poco estoy traduciendo al inglés las entradas de la web. A partir de ahora, encontraréis los nuevos artículos en ambos idiomas. Esto implicará a largo plazo una reestructuración de la web, pero eso será más adelante.

¿Por qué ahora? Entre otras cosas, porque uno de mis libros, La Hora del Ocaso está siendo traducido al inglés para llegar a nuevos destinos y países. Se trata de un thriller que transcurre en una pequeña localidad del norte de California y que estoy segura hará las delicias del pueblo anglosajón.

I have decided that it is important to broaden horizons and, therefore, I am gradually translating the web entries into English. From now on, you will find the new articles in both languages. This will imply a long term restructuring of the website, but that will come later.

Why now? Among other things, because one of my books, The Hour of Dusk (it’s going to be called The Twilight Case) is being translated into English to reach new destinations and countries. It is a thriller that takes place in a small town in Northern California and that I am sure will delight the English-speaking people