Exponent II's Blog, page 80

Sacred Music Sunday: Prayer of Thanksgiving

“For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.” – attributed to Virginia Woolf

I was flipping through the hymnal trying to get inspiration for today’s post, and I got the idea to look through the authors and composers section at the end. My plan was to find a composer I like, find a hymn by that composer, and then find an alternate text to that tune to share with everyone. But as I started, with the letter A, my eyes stopped at Anonymous.

I flipped through the hymns whose authors and composers were lost to time, and I found that some of my favorites were listed there. Many were either anonymous for the author but with a known composer, or anonymous for the composer but with a known author. Prayer of Thanksgiving, however, was anonymous for both. I wonder who wrote it. Did the same person write the words and the tune? What was her life like? The hymn was written in approximately 1625. I can’t imagine that 17th century life was easy. But even with a likely challenging life, she was thankful. Did she know we would still be singing her hymn 400 years later, in a different language?

We will likely never know the story of who wrote this hymn, but God knows. “Sing praises to His name; He forgets not His own.”

Mormon Anyway

When you’re not a practicing, fully believing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it can be surprising to discover you’re still Mormon. People try to draw lines and create definitions to clarify who gets/wants to to claim membership – both believers protecting and non-believers departing. But it’s surprising to discover how much of being Mormon is heritage, culture, and history. Perhaps, the current prophet did us all a favor creating rigidity about using “LDS” and “Mormon” because, despite distance, animosity, faith crisis, and more, many discover that – despite it all – they’re Mormon anyway.

You might be Mormon Anyway if you:

Claim pioneer heritage who walked the plains Dressed up at least once for a “Road Show”Can define the difference between “steak” and “stake”Feel a little tinge of shame about shopping, playing sports, etc. on Sundays Spent the weekend watching old men in suits give talks while eating candy in your pjsWoke up before the sun to attend seminary (or were one of the less righteous who simply attended during the school day)Feel brave showing your shoulders in a tank topAre not shocked by the inclusion of pretzels in JelloBreak out the good sparkling cider every New Year’s EveSaw your first rated-R movie in collegePracticed being a missionary for a youth activityAttended a standards nightAttended a progressive dinner at church member’s homesWorn long pants in the scorching heat to camp Celebrated “Bishop’s Night” (men) at Girl’s CampKept a tithing jarHad church clothes and shoes and must dress up to attend services as an adultHave an incredible conversion storyHave an opinion on what a good Family Home Evening looks likeDon’t bat an eye when testimony meetings go off trackHeld a wedding reception in a venue with basketball hoopsTry to do genealogy, but it’s all been doneCould still find an EFY soundtrack somewhereKnow the moves to the YMCA and begin them anytime you hear the songWere shocked to learn most people go to church for one hourHave rooted for BYU, even if you didn’t go thereUse familiar terms and share memories that have to be explained outside of Mormonism

What would you add?

Come Follow Me: James: “Be Ye Doers of the Word, and Not Hearers Only”

James who?

Who wrote the letter we are about to study?

It is generally believed that the author of the Epistle of James was a son of Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ, and therefore the half brother of the Savior. James is mentioned in Matthew 13:55; Mark 6:3; Acts 12:17; 15:13; 21:18; and Galatians 1:19; 2:9. It appears from these scriptures that James was a Church leader in Jerusalem and had been called as an Apostle (see Galatians 1:19).

—Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families, New Testament: James

Words as wildfires

I feel certain that James wrote this proverb because so many of us have the tendency to do the opposite: we don’t listen until it’s too late, we speak without thinking first, and we quickly lose our tempers, often without pausing to consider the other side’s point of view.

19 Wherefore, my beloved [sisters and] brethren, let every [woman and] man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

James 1:19

What’s does it mean to be swift to hear? How can we become more swift to hear?What’s does it mean to be slow to speak? Why would we want to be slow to speak?How can we become slower to wrath?

James speaks more about the dangers of not controlling our speech in James 3:5-6.

5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

James 3:5-6

The King James version of the Bible is missing an important piece of the metaphor: the forest that the fire sets ablaze. So I recommend sharing a different translation, like this one:

5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!
6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.

James 3:5-6, New American Standard Bible

Photo by Landon Parenteau on UnsplashHow can our words “set a forest aflame” like a fire? How can our words “set a fire on the course of our life”?How can we prevent our words from creating wildfire-like problems or setting the course of our lives on fire?

Although fire is destructive, we have many important uses for controlled fires. The same is true for the power of words.

How can the power of language be applied for good? What experiences have you had that demonstrate the power that language can have?

Sometimes when we talk about language in a church setting, we default to topics like not swearing. While James mentioned cursing in his letter, he was using the word in a different way. James focused more on how we should avoid weaponizing language against other people. His writings raise the questions:

How do we speak about other people? How do we speak to other people?

Invite the class to consider these two questions as they silently read James 3:9-11 and James 4:11-12.

9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men [and women], which are made after the similitude of God.
10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren [and sisters], these things ought not so to be.
11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?

James 3:9-11

11 Speak not evil one of another, [sisters and] brethren. He [or she] that speaketh evil of his brother [or sister], and judgeth his brother [or sister], speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.
12 There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judgest another?

James 4:11-12

After reading, discuss:

What kinds of speech is James warning us to avoid when we talk about other people?What kinds of speech is James warning us to avoid when we talk to other people?Why must we avoid cursing others or speaking evil of others?How can we become better at using language to uplift other people rather than hurting them?The sin of prejudice

In the King James version of the Bible, we read James’s warning that to “have respect to persons” is a sin (James 2:9). What does that mean? Again, it helps to review other translations here. Most translations use the term favoritism or partiality in place of respect (See Bible Hub.) When we show favoritism toward certain groups of people, we also show prejudice or bias against others. Some common examples include racism, sexism, and homophobia.

2 For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment;
3 And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool:
4 Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts?
5 Hearken, my beloved brethren, Hath not God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he hath promised to them that love him?
6 But ye have despised the poor. Do not rich men oppress you, and draw you before the judgment seats?
7 Do not they blaspheme that worthy name by the which ye are called?
8 If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well:
9 But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin, and are convinced of the law as transgressors.

James 2:2-9

Why do we sometimes treat those who have money, fame, or power differently than those who don’t? How can we avoid treating others differently based on what their circumstances are?

James warned the Saints specifically against favoring the rich and despising the poor, but his warning can apply to any biases or prejudices we may have toward others. As you prayerfully study James 2:1–9, search your own heart and listen for the Holy Ghost’s promptings. It might help to replace phrases in these verses, such as “a poor man in vile raiment” (verse 2), with other words or phrases that describe someone you might be tempted to judge unfairly. Do you sense any changes you need to make in the way you treat or think of others?

—Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families, New Testament: James

By definition, our implicit biases are invisible to us, which can make them hard to overcome, but our omnisicent God can bless our efforts.

In Psalm 139: 23-24 it says “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” …I believe we all should go to God and ask what He thinks. And when He tells you there is work to do in loving your neighbor better, find resources such as books or podcasts that can help you become more racially literate. Do the work. I know that uprooting racism and implicit biases from our hearts is a big part of the second greatest commandment to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” We cannot love someone else with equal measure if there is even a drop of belief, unconscious or learned, that we are in some way superior. Doing the personal work of anti-racism is one of the most Christlike things we can do.

— Michelle Franzoni Thorley, Christlike Attributes, Implicit Bias, and Loving Your BIPOC Neighbor as Yourself, Exponent II, October 8, 2020

Notice how Sister Thorley emphasized both faith (…go to God and ask…) and works (…find resources…do the work…) as key to overcoming racism and bias. Her counsel aligns well with admonition from James:

26 For as the body without the aspirit is bdead, so faith without cworks is dead also.

James 2:26

How can we employ both faith and works to recognize and reduce bias?Faith like Rahab, the harlot

I think it is apparent that James himself was working to combat bias in his own life. In his letter, he chose to point to Rahab as an example of faith and good works. Rahab was a hero of the Old Testament (see Genesis 22:1–12) but she was also a woman, a Canaanite, and a prostitute; all of which were marginalized demographics within James’s society. Even today, some modern Christians struggle with the discomfort of acknowledging her heroism because she was also a prostitute.

24 Ye see then how that by aworks a [woman or] man is bjustified, and not by faith only.
25 Likewise also was not aRahab the harlot bjustified by works, when she had received the messengers, and had sent them out another way?
26 For as the body without the aspirit is bdead, so faith without cworks is dead also.

James 2:24-25

Marianna Richardson relates Rahab’s story in this 6-minute video.

Rahab’s Example, Scripture Central

How was Rahab an example of faith justified by works?

I particularly like this story because it complicates our assumptions and judgments of others and remind us that though women may be a minority in scripture they always enter the narrative at critical junctures. Rahab was considered a “Woman of Valor” in Jewish Midrashim. Her name means “to be wide or enlarge”—perhaps a shortened version of “God has enlarged.” The children of Israel could not have entered the promised land without her. Her story reminds us that God is no respecter of persons, that God’s grace can transform all of us, and that no matter our past we can extend the same salvation we have received to others and help lead them to the promised land. We can all become “saviours on Mt. Zion” (Obad. 1:21). …The hero of the story is not actually a hero at all by Israelite cultural ideals. A woman could never be the hero. Yet our antihero is not only a woman, but a Canaanite, an owner of her own public house, and a member of the “world’s most ancient profession”—a harlot or prostitute. Some have tried to say she was not a prostitute at all, but the Hebrew zonah used here consistently denotes illicit sexual relations. I come from a long line of women who have done what they needed to do to care for their families—this did not mean that they were always right or exempt from the judgment of others. Discomfort is essential to the narrative.

— Janiece Johnson, Rahab, The LDS Women Project

Rahab has a special function in the biblical narratives of Israel’s existence in the land. When uncovering the men, she explains that she knows that God will give Israel the land (2:8). She has heard about the events of the Sea of Reeds (Red Sea) and the defeat of the Amorite kings Og and Sihon, and she declares (quoting from the Song of Miriam in Exodus 15; see v. 11) that “dread” has fallen on the inhabitants and that they all “fear” Israel (2:9). This is the message that the men bring back to Joshua. Rahab is thus the oracle, or prophet, of Israel’s occupation of the land. Another woman, the prophet Deborah, announced a major victory in the taking of Canaan; and the end of Israel’s occupation of the land is pronounced by yet another woman, the prophet Huldah (2 Kgs 22:14–21). Rahab, who begins as triply marginalized—Canaanite, woman, and prostitute—moves to the center as bearer of a divine message and herald of Israel in its new land. Even though later generations of readers have been squeamish about her occupation, preferring to think of her as an “innkeeper,” she is remembered in Jewish tradition as the great proselyte, as ancestress of kings and prophets, and, in the New Testament, as ancestress of Jesus (Matt 1:5).

— Tikva Frymer-Kensky, updated by Carol Meyers, Rahab: Bible, The Shalvi/Hyman Encyclopedia of Jewish Women, Jewish Womens Archive

How does Rahab’s story illustrate that God is no respector of persons?How can we get past our discomfort or squeamishness to learn from heros of all walks of life?

Another short article I enjoyed on this topic was Was the harlot Rahab a direct ancestor of Jesus? Ask Gramps, May 29, 2006, which cleverly hints at how differently we remember King David, a man of high socioeconomic status, despite his sins.

Faith without works is dead

22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
23 For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
24 For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.

James 1:22-24

What is the difference between a hearer of the word and a doer of the word?What do you think James was trying to illustrate by comparing a hearer of the word to the man with a mirror?

14 What doth it profit, my brethren [and sisters], though a man [or woman] say he [or she] hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him [or her}?
15 If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,
16 And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?
17 Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.

James 2:14-17

What does James mean when he says faith without works is dead?How can we find motivation to act on our faith?

27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself [or herself] unspotted from the world.

James 1:27

How can we make our practice of religion more pure?Why do you think James called out the needs of the fatherless and widows specifically? If James were to write a similar letter today, who might he mention as afflicted in our modern world? How can we meet the needs of those who are afflicted today?Blessings of temptation?

James talks about temptation in an unusual way, encouraging us to see it as a joy (James 1:2) and a blessing (James 1:12).

2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

James 1:2-4

12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

James 1:12

Is there a translation error here? Well, maybe. The greek word peirasmos could be translated as trials, instead of temptations. (See Bible Hub and Bible Study Tools.) This translation may feel more comfortable to us; we are more accustomed to being told to endure trials joyfully and see them as blessings than to be told the same thing about temptations, which we are usually encouraged to avoid. However, either translation is plausible, and temptation is really just a specific kind of trial: “the trial of man’s [or woman’s] fidelity, integrity, virtue, constancy,” according to Bible Study Tools. The reality is, we can’t avoid temptation any more than we can avoid other kinds of trials. Even Christ was tempted. If it is possible to be blessed and find joy as we endure other kinds of trials, why wouldn’t the same joy and blessings come about through enduring temptation?

How can experiencing trials and/or temptations bless us?What is the “perfect work” of patience? How can we show the Lord that we are willing to be patient?

Physical Therapy for the Body of Christ: Healing the Wounds of General Conference

Guest post by Rebecca Sachiko Suzuki

I’ve been thinking about the recent General Conference messages and how it’s making people feel, especially those who are post-Mormon, those who have mixed-faith families, and those who know and love them and also know and love the church.

I’m super struggling with my back. I have an MRI that shows a L5-S1 back injury. This comes with a lot of pain and finally explains why I have loss of strength and sensation from hips to toes, including in my knees, which also show signs of injury. At the time of this writing, I can stand or walk for only a few minutes at a time before I lose my balance. My spinal injury has led to a left leg that drags, which means I trip a lot. I’m only 43, but I’m moving slower than my grandma did at 80. 

I want to fix this. So now I am Ken, and my job is Physical Therapy. I’m going three times a week and I’m asking all the Whys and Hows so I can overachieve my progress. I want to heal and strengthen my body so I can better commit all the goodness and mischief that is my measure of creation.

Yesterday I worked with my PT while doing butterflies in a pool, and I’m writing this just after an appointment with my nutritionist at the hospital. And guess what I’ve found is the biggest bottleneck in my recovery? 

Not my back injury. Not my dragging left foot. It’s my lack of self-compassion.

At both appointments they reflected back to me the unkind words I use to describe my body and injuries. When they heard me say things I thought were normal, and even kind and positive, they pointed out how much my approach is lacking in compassion, and the way I refuse to truly acknowledge my injury and pain. They both noted that I hold myself to impossible standards that aren’t correct for my injured body parts, and that when these parts are in pain, and I ignore them, I reinjure them.

Well. I was kind of shocked. Tears in my eyes shocked. 

My body really is in trouble, and I am cruel to it.

I cannot ignore any longer that this is what I do: I abandon my own body so I don’t have to mourn with my lumbar spine and my damaged nerves. I hide my pain from everyone through a relentless toxically positive push forward that actually hinders my progress. I deny my pain by turning it around and blaming my body–the very parts that need me most.

When my left leg drags, I insult it by calling it a lazy learner.

When my arms and hands shake, I chastise them by calling them unruly children.

When my back aches, I tell it that it can’t be trusted, and I won’t be receiving counsel from it.

I tell my body–which is truly injured–that it needs to stop complaining and focus instead on what a nice time my eyes are having, watching the Great British Baking Show. You could see such good things, I scold myself, if your eyes weren’t full of stupid tears.

I would never let someone talk to one of my kids like this. I would never let someone talk to one of my friends like this….At least, I hope not. But I’m not sure, because I apparently let myself talk to myself like this. It’s kind of hard to protect some people when we get really good at not-protecting others.

And I get why it’s hard: I’m afraid if I honestly ask my body about its pain, it will be too much and will overwhelm me. I fear having to defend the reality of this pain to people who called me lazy, or who will push me to prove that I’m trying hard enough or that I’m worthy. Because I wasn’t able to confront those who harmed me medically before, or who encouraged more harm to me in the name of virtue or hard work, I now reflexively reject my own body.

When I brightside it, I replicate the same external pressures and cruelties that helped create this state of injury. Instead of standing up to the voices that condemn my body, I let them bully my wounds by looking away. I avoid confrontation. I do not mourn with my wounds that deserve my mourning.

This is my struggle as posts flood my social media feed from my church-connected friends who are limping from the latest wounds they sustained at the latest General Conference. I heard their pleas at the moment I have been learning to heed my own body’s cries of pain, and the similarity is stark. 

Paul wrote a letter to the Corinthians about this. He compares the church to the body of Christ, and warns the church about how painful and limiting our efforts become when a body rejects itself. When some parts of Christ’s body mourn, what is a body to do?

Well, here’s the analogy. You knew it was coming, right?

The body of Christ is really in trouble.

Christ’s sacred leg drags as His foot hits stumbling blocks that people have placed there.

Christ’s hands and arms shake as they struggle to stop part of His own body from throwing stones. 

Christ’s back is broken, bruised, torn for us.

How are we going to demonstrate our love to Christ’s broken body? 

I’m pondering this as I ask the healers supporting me how I can support my body. 

One thing I’m learning is that I must show my body that I’m listening. What that looks like is this: When my doctors and physical therapists ask me to report my pain, I need to tell the whole truth so my pain and my wounds know I have heard them. I need to tell the healers where it hurts and when. And if they’re hurting me, or something else is hurting me, I need to be brave enough to say STOP.

My healing has depended on having trustworthy healers supporting me. I know I can trust my doctors and my physical therapists, because they ask me how my back is feeling, and if I am feeling the kind of pain that denotes injury, they stop what we’re doing and redirect my activity to something else that will support me better. They make sure I have medications that will ease my rest. They have shown me repeatedly that I can trust them with my pain. 

This trust has been revelatory for me. Their help has forced me to confront why I have hidden my pain until now: I didn’t have trustworthy healers before. Before, my pain was met with indifference or blame. They told me my back hurt only because of my weight or some other personal failing, and they didn’t want to test for my real injury. 

My past untrustworthy healers taught me to hide my pain. My spinal injury went unsupported for so long as a result that my vigorous life slipped away with every time I pushed down that hurt, and without treatment or support, I became basically housebound, unable to walk and not be weary. My unheeded pain turned into disability. 

I understand the need to trust authority figures, and I know from experience how easily that bleeds into needing to please them, fearing them, and hiding pain and illness so that nothing brings us into confrontation with them.

Fear of confrontation, of saying STOP, can lead us to tell those suffering to do so quietly and politely so that we aren’t put into danger with authorities at church. After all, people who are willing to harm others may harm us, too. Better not to draw their attention.

It’s all too common to tell the wounded to be silent so the comfortable can keep their comfort. It’s common for the wounded to follow suit, and tell themselves that their pain cannot be spoken, that their wounds are unworthy of love, and that it’s their job to accept suffering at the hands of the whole and powerful.

I see it because I’m doing it, too. I ignore my body because I often care more about being safe and liked than about upsetting people by saying “That hurts” and “I’m not okay with that”. I would rather be in pain than get judged for being rude or negative. When I am in an unsafe place that hurts me, I respond by becoming unsafe for myself. I tell my body to look on the bright side even as I refuse to confront what’s hurting it in the first place. 

Paul tried to describe “how can we be good to each other,” and I am too, in this shaky little epistle. Like him, I’ve got some thorns in my side, but I’m doing my best. And here’s what I think the promise was in the most cheerful, generous readings of the Pauline epistles, and what still applies to us today:

Tender care and mutual mourning is transformative.

Transformation is terrifying. (That’s why we need the buddy system.)

Trustworthy healers are transformative. My time with medical professionals who really want what’s best for me is changing my worldview. When I say “Stop”, they listen. When they take my pain seriously, it’s safer for me to do the same. I don’t have to be told to assume they’re good people, because they already show it by not hurting me. 

It’s easier to see the good side of church leaders and church talks when they’re not hurting people. Goodness doesn’t need a PR team, or an instruction to ignore the injury they’re doing. Goodness invites us in and helps us. It doesn’t have to have its cruelty explained away by the well-meaning. 

Christ didn’t tell Mary and Martha “Hey, look on the bright side.” He didn’t chastise them for missing the beauty of the sunrise while their brother lay wrapped in a tomb. No lectures, no chastisement. He wept with them–and then He did something about it.

So, mourning with someone means taking action on their behalf. It doesn’t mean telling people they shouldn’t miss the good things they should have seen if their eyes could just not be full of stupid tears. We believe faith without works is dead. Well, love without works is also in need of Christlike action in order to rise and go forth (and it’s okay if we have a wobbly leg–I wouldn’t be surprised if Lazarus did! Dying is kind of a lot.).

Maybe you’re like me, and the presence of pain scares you, too.The uplifting bright side for us is that we have before us so many opportunities to learn compassion and courage. 

How can we think clearly through the hurt? How can we confront the pain? 

I’m in this with you, learning as I slowly go. We can be kind to ourselves as we get our wobbly legs underneath us, unlearning our fear by facing our pain. Maybe the next time pain says our name, instead of shying away, we can mourn with our injured parts by asking, “Where does it hurt?” and listening to the answer. 

Maybe we can also mourn with the mourning by turning to those who inflict mourning and saying, “that’s harmful,” “that’s not true,” or “STOP.”

I hope we’ll find, as I am finding now, that the good ones–the healers, the ministers, the ones who show that they deserve the authority they wield–they will. They’ll stop, listen, and help. The good healers are showing me that I cannot become strong again until I’m first strong enough to acknowledge my pain and heal it. 

When the body of Christ tends to His wounds, we won’t have to be told to look away. We won’t need to be told to focus only on the parts that are beautiful and whole, because at that point we will fully embrace the whole body of Christ. His wounds won’t have to be rejected and hidden any longer. 

The New Testament is clear: Christ’s wounds were never meant to be rejected or hidden. The Apostle John tells us we’ll know Christ by His wounds. Peter tells us that it’s Christ’s wounds that will heal us all. As a church, we’re not being what the body of Christ is meant to be until we look to our wounded, listen to them, and believe.

Sachiko spent most of her life quilting babies and turning them into homeschool soup. Now she’s 43 instead. She is shockingly boring for an apostate whoring after the fleshpots of Babylon. She’s probably at the library right now, wearing sweats. Pray for her. She likes a lot of people and would probably like you, too.

Come Follow Me: 1 and 2 Timothy; Titus; Philemon “Be Thou an Example of the Believers”

Let’s start with an important question. Have you ever read Titus?

Be honest. 

If you’ve been following the Come Follow Me Curriculum you probably haven’t read Titus.

The Come Follow Me manual from 2023 doesn’t include many quotes from Titus and the manual from 2019 didn’t have any. I don’t know what the previous manuals pulled from Titus, but I’m guessing it wasn’t much. 

Titus is often lumped together with the two letters to Timothy and Philemon. Which makes sense – they are very similar. They are written by Paul to specific people trying to build the church in the first century. 

But just because a book in the Bible is similar to another book in the Bible doesn’t mean it should be glossed over. 

Timothy gets most of the air time in the manual so I’m going to focus this lesson plan on Titus. This is partially to shake things up and also because Titus is deeply personal to me. A week and a half ago I wrote a long post about why I love the book of Titus. You can read it here. 

The short version is that two years ago I read the book of Titus with a Bible Study group. I learned how to really dig into the scriptures while reading that book. I’ll be sharing some of the things I learned while I participated in that slow study of Titus.

Let’s start with context.

Whenever I teach I find it helpful to take a minute and make sure my class has a good idea of the basic time, place, and people involved in the lesson. Here are some examples of questions and answers that you can work with to give context as you prepare your lesson or study on your own.

Since this lesson plan is focusing on Titus I’m only going to answer these questions regarding Titus. You might find it helpful to answer these same questions regarding Timothy and Philemon during your own study.

What is the style of this book? It’s important to know that like most of the books in the second half of the New Testament, the book of Titus is a letter. This isn’t a narrative. It’s directions and advice and opinions from one person to another. 

Who wrote this letter? Paul wrote the letter. He was an apostle of Jesus Christ. Sometimes I feel bad for Paul. He was trying to hold an international church together with mostly letters. Letters that were delivered by volunteers.   

Who is this letter written to: The letter was written to Titus. Paul knew Titus and had served with him. Titus is mentioned in other parts of the New Testament. In 2 Corinthians 9:17 Paul describes him as “very earnest.” In that same chapter in verse 23 Paul says that Titus is “my partner and fellow worker for your benefit.”  This was a letter to a particular person, not a group of people. That makes it fairly unique among the letters that we have in the New Testament. However, it would have also been read by the members in Crete. 

Where was Titus: Titus was serving as Bishop in Crete. (Other translations for the word Bishop are Elder, Pastor, or Overseer.) Crete is an island south of Greece. It’s the largest Greek Island and the 5th largest island in the Mediterranean. It’s long and skinny. It’s about as long  as the state of Massachusetts. You can see how it was in a good strategic location in the Mediterranean.  

The Greek poet Epimenides was from Crete and said of his own people, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” Paul quotes that in verse 1:12 and adds the line, “This testimony is true.” He wants Titus to help teach the Christians of Crete to abandon their cultural traditions and become people of God.  

When was this letter written? The letter was probably written around the years 62-64 AD. Many scholars assume the letter was written between Paul’s first and second imprisonments in Rome. Paul was either in Nicopolis in Macedonia or he was intending to go there soon because he asks Titus to meet him there.

What is the theme of the letter? Paul writes to encourage Titus, to give him instruction, and to remind him of the Gospel. 

Specific Teachings in Titus

Titus is a short letter. In the LDS version of the King James Translation the book barely takes up 3 pages. Yet I still feel like one week is not enough time to really dig the text to deeply explore many of the topics that Paul brings up. 

But I’m going to try. I’m going to go through several different topics in the order they appear in the letter. If you are teaching a class you can pick a few of these to explore. If you are going through this on your own or with your family you can go through one or two topics a day. 

God that cannot lie (Titus 1:2) – I mentioned in the context section that Cretans were described as liars. Paul is quick to explain that God cannot lie (KJV) or God who never lies (ESV). What does it mean to you that God never lies?

Qualifications for Bishops (Titus 1:5-9) – It might be helpful to think of Titus as something of the Stake President of Crete. Stake President wasn’t really an office in 1st century Christianity. But I think the comparison helps us understand what Titus’ role was in Crete. Paul is instructing him to “set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city.” The word for elder is also translated at bishop or overseer. It could also mean pastor. So to be somewhat anachronistic, Titus is acting as the stake president and is in charge of appointing bishops over every ward (city) in Crete.

Paul gives him a list of things to look for in the men that he appoints. You can read the list in chapter 1 verses 6-9. He also counsels about the people Titus should avoid ordaining as elders. These are talked about in verses 10-16.

These verses are specifically about men and offices of the priesthood. But the council in the verses could easily apply to women and their callings. Think about the role of a Relief Society president. It is just as important for her to “give instruction in sound doctrine and also rebuke those who contradict it” (ESV 1:9) 

As you read through these verses, think about how these qualifications (and things to avoid) impact the quality of leaders in the church. How does the atonement of Jesus Christ help us become the type of people listed in these verses?

Advice for Christian Living (Titus 2:1-10) – In this section Paul is contrasting the life of Christians with the way that most people on Crete (and throughout the Roman Empire) lived. 

These verses could be seen as a minefield in our modern day. There are some parts that we could pick over with a critical eye. And yeah, there are some problem parts. Paul says that wives should be “submissive to their own husbands.” (vs 5) He counsels bondservants to be submissive to their masters. (vs 9). These verses have been used to justify things like domestic violence and slavery. So what are we supposed to do with these verses in 2023? 

Here are a few things that help me with these verses. 

Assume good intent. I think Paul was giving the best advice he could for the time he lived in. I don’t think Paul hated women. In fact when he talks about specific women you can tell that he respected them deeply. (Take a look at how he praises Timothy’s mother and grandmother in 2 Timothy 1:5.)    This advice was actually very counter-cultural. Much of what Paul is talking about in these verses would have been very different from what was expected from Roman culture in Greece. I highly recommend reading Beth Alison Barr’s book “The Making of Biblical Womanhood.” She digs into this concept deeply in a chapter about how Paul was actually giving women more rights and respect than they had in Roman culture. A revolution of the heart rather than physically. Jesus spoke of freeing captives, but didn’t free anyone physically. Instead he offered a spiritual freedom. Paul continues with that theme. He focuses on the bond servant’s heart rather than their physical state. Focus on the bigger picture. The concept behind these verses is highlighted in verse 7. “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teachings show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned.” (ESV Translation) Paul gives some advice about what that may look like, but overall he’s concerned that people be good examples of what Christ has done in their hearts. 

This shows up as older and younger men being self controlled rather than full of rage. Older women mentoring younger women rather than seeing them as sexual rivals. Bond servants as well pleasing rather than lazy. 

Everything they do is to adorn the doctrine of God our Savior. Adorn means to make something more beautiful or attractive. So by behaving more respectfully toward each other they would show that there was something different about Christians. 

Does your behavior show that you are a Christian? In what ways is being a Christian counter-cultural in this century?

The Doctrine of God our Savior (Titus 2:11-14) – Paul’s been alluding to teaching pure doctrine throughout this letter and here he does the same thing. I love this section. The leader of our bible study gave us this as a handout and it’s been hanging on my fridge for the past two years. The way it is written on the handout makes it look more like poetry than prose. I wrote it here the way I’ve read it for the last two years.

For the grace ofGod has appearedBringing salvation For all people, Training us to renounce UngodlinessAnd worldly passion, And to live self-controlledUprightAnd godly lives in the present age, Waiting for our blessed hopeThe appearing of the gloryOf our great GodAnd Savior Jesus Christ, Who gave himself for usTo redeem us from all lawlessnessAnd to purify for himselfA people for his own possession whoAre zealous for good works. Titus 2:11-14 ESV Translation

I highly recommend putting these words where you can read them often and pondering over them. How do these words help you understand your relationship with Jesus?

More Advice for Christian Living (Titus 3:1-2) – Paul gives advice for how to interact with people in verses 1-2 of Chapter 3. He says, “to speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto men.” KJV Translation

Is this a way that we naturally interact with people? (If you are like me the answer is no.) How can the atonement of Jesus Christ help you change into the type of person who is able to show meekness unto other people?

More Doctrine of God our Savior (Titus 3:3-7) – I’m going to give you another long passage of scripture because it’s another chunk of beautiful doctrine. 

For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. 

But after the kindness and love of God our Savior toward man appeared, 

Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing and regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;

Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior;

That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. 

(Titus 3:3-7)

That’s from the KJV it’s also nearly identical in the ESV. In our Latter Day Saint tradition we aren’t used to talking much about grace. But that’s what Paul is talking about here. 

Paul is reminding us that we were foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. 

God came to us and changed us through grace because of his mercy, his kindness, his love. It wasn’t because we did anything right. (Paul just reminded us what we were like and it was not good.) It was because God loved us. And because we have been justified by his grace we can be heirs of eternal life.

How does that knowledge change how we interact with other people? How does it change how we feel about God’s love for us?   

What about good works? (Titus 3:8) –  After all that talk about Grace you may be wondering where Good Works come in. Don’t our works count for anything?

Paul does bring up good works. But the way he talks about them is different than we are used to talking about works in our Latter Day Saint traditions. We are going to need to dip our toes into a new way of thinking about this particular bit of theology. Before we get to what Paul says I want to ask you a question.

Do we do acts of service because we want to receive blessings? Or do we do acts of service because we have already received blessings? 

This isn’t just cute semantics. This is a way of thinking that can really impact how you view good works. 

We often make the false assumption that by doing good works we can make Jesus love us better or at the least we can make him happier with us. (Think about all the times you hear parents tell their children things like, “Heavenly Father is happy when you are reverent.”) And if we have God’s favor then that leads to more blessings right?

But that’s putting the cart before the horse. Good works actually come about BECAUSE we have been blessed by God’s unconditional love, mercy, kindness, etc. We have experienced a change of heart by the atonement of Jesus Christ. Because of that change of heart we are more willing and able to go about doing good. 

With that in mind lets look at what Paul tells Titus. After his beautiful words about grace he says, “those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good work.” He talked about grace and then he talks about good works because that’s the order of the relationship between the two. 

He’s also talked about good works in relation to the way that Christians should live their lives. He’s not giving a laundry list of things that you need to do to be a Christian. He’s giving a list of examples of things that you do because you are a Christian. 

So how does this change in thinking affect your everyday life? Are you helping people because you want to make God happy? Or are you helping people because you know that God loves you and has redeemed you?

Conclusion

Maybe it’s just me, but Paul’s letter seems a little rushed at the end. He drops in some advice about church discipline and then jumps right into some details about future traveling.

But even in those quick end verses Paul brings up some points of how Christians should be living their lives. In verse 13 he is talking about Zenas the lawyer and Apollos. We can infer that these were the two people who brough the letter. He gives the instruction “to see that they lack nothing.” This meant that the Christians should make sure these volunteer letter deliverers should be fed and have their needs met before they continued traveling.

In verse 14 he says “And let our people learn to devote themselves to good works, so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful.” In light of his earlier talk about good works this is not something Titus and the people should be trying to do of their own strength. This is something they should be doing through the help of Jesus. This is something they should be doing because they are Christians. Taking care of others is how they can show that they are different than non-Christians.

So how can we do the same thing? Paul has been talking about being good Christians in contrast to non-believers and deceivers for three pages. Did we learn anything from what he said? How can Jesus help you “renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled upright and godly lives in the present age?” I hope you spend some time thinking about those questions.

Titus is a small book compared to the rest of the Bible. It’s tucked between other small books of the New Testament. It’s easy to gloss over – especially in a curriculum that expects you to read and study four of Paul’s letters in one week. But if you take the time to dig into Titus you will see that it’s full of advice and doctrine that is relevant to your life.

I hope that if you’ve never read Titus before you will want to read it now.

Photo Credit: Rosie Sun on Unsplash

Should Church Leaders Always Serve Until Death?

Does the direction the church takes on current social issues have more to do with divine inspiration, or which apostles had the best healthcare routines and genetics?

If I were in charge of church governance, there are a lot of things I’d change. First and foremost, women would be equally represented at all levels of leadership and decision making, full stop. But second only to that change would be the ability for general authorities to all take (or be obligated to take) retirement at a certain point.

At this moment a lot of people are debating if United States President Joe Biden is too old to run for president again. Mitt Romney (both a member of the LDS church and senator from Utah) recently announced that he will not seek re-election. He said, “At the end of another term, I’d be in my mid-eighties. Frankly, it’s time for a new generation of leaders.” This parting shot is definitely aimed at both of the likely frontrunners for president (Donald Trump and Joe Biden), although at eighty Biden is the oldest president to occupy the Oval Office. Potentially adding another four years has set the discourse ablaze in my conservative part of the world.

There are regular news stories about the president tripping on stairs or flubbing words in speeches.

To be clear, this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with politics. I am only talking about the age of our leaders in both government and church settings.

I live in Utah County, which (like I said) is a very politically conservative place. I’ve heard concerns from local church members about what a geriatric president might mean for the safety of our country. What if he’s senile? What if he has a stroke during an important meeting? What if he accidently hits the button for nuclear war because he mixes it up with his toaster?

When California Senator Dianne Feinstein passed away at the end of September, conservative Latter-day Saint friends brought up her age to me as well.  She was ninety years old at the time of her death and they talked about how she’d been looking terrible and missed votes leading up to her death. “Why aren’t there age limits in place for these people?”, someone said, and “Not very many people have their full brain capacity left at ninety.” Ironically, this was said to me on the literal eve of General Conference – when it had already been announced that the 99-year-old president of the church would be absent from the meeting he was in charge of due to a fall related to his age. None of these same people raised these valid concerns about their own beloved church leadership. 

When President Biden trips but stands right back up and brushes his pants off, they see him as elderly and unfit for office. When President Nelson posts on Instagram that he’s using a walker, they gush with pride over how amazing he is to still be leading us even in his old age. Why do these two separate parts of their world never seem to converge?

During the peak of the SEC financial scandals earlier this year I went to President Nelson’s social media to see if he was addressing the concerns I was feeling (which I blogged about both HERE and HERE). I found nothing except this photograph of him with a walker and thousands of likes and comments about how absolutely incredible it was to see the prophet use a walker. 

There are benefits of an older leadership, such as experience, wisdom, and an ability to slow down and take time on decisions. President Hinckley talked about this with Mike Wallace in 1996, and it reminded me of a recent quote by President Biden.

On the other hand, most corporations choose to wisely hire and also include younger employees who will bring innovation, new ideas and excitement into their company. I think a healthy institution probably has a good mixture of both. Unfortunately, in the church we are generally limited to only half of this equation.

What are some things that a younger leadership might move on faster? 

Off the top of my head:

LGBTQ issues Women’s issues Eradicating racism Embracing modern technology Understanding the importance of intersectionality 

Younger people are more likely to accept criticism, push for needed but uncomfortable change, and look at the long-term outcomes (because they’ll still be alive decades from now and have to deal with the consequences of their actions). I’ve seen too much harsh prophetic counsel given from the pulpit in the 70s and 80s (from right before I was born or during my childhood) that was particularly harmful to girls and women. None of the men who made those statements are around anymore to have to deal with those of us who were harmed by their heavy-handed language.

Looking back at the founding of the LDS Church, male leadership at the top was made up entirely of young men, not old. They all had multiple wives and young children, led military endeavors and ran for political office. As the decades and centuries have dragged on, the age of leadership has slowly crept upwards until now – where we are on the brink of having the first 100-year-old church president. When the church chose to make some callings only end upon death we didn’t have the kind of end-of-life-extending medical care that we have now. I doubt anyone in the 1800s expected their leaders to last for decades upon decades without younger men taking their place. (Actually, I doubt anyone in the 1800s expected it to even matter anymore in 2023, because they expected the second coming to occur well within their lifetimes.)

Members of the public can go online and view President Biden’s full health report online (and it’s extremely detailed). I think this sort of health transparency is very useful to the people he is leading. In our church President Monson spent years dealing with increased dementia, but while it remained an open secret to those around him it was never addressed to the general church membership. Why should it have been a secret? Are prophets not allowed to get old? Are their brains not allowed to age? Would a church president succumbing to Alzheimer’s disease make the church less true?

To be clear, I don’t think old age should be an automatic disqualifier for church service. (I mean, I know plenty of 40-year-olds who are idiots.) However, we should have something in place that ensures those who have reached physical or mental limits can retire with dignity and rest. To me, it’s a question of morality. Is it kind to ask these men to work long hours well past retirement age simply because we don’t want to let them go? My parents live in an assisted living center and my mom is currently under hospice care. Many of the seniors there relish the ability to relax at the end of their long lives and be taken care of by caring staff members. Not allowing prophets and apostles (or their wives) that same ability to finally rest feels wrong, and one day forcing men to serve past their physical and mental capabilities might very well come back to harm us.

If one of these men feels way too old for the job of being president yet the other one never would (no matter how much his health might deteriorate), ask yourself why. Are we being reasonably realistic of the abilities of every single man in church leadership to remain capable of leadership until the day he dies?

Things I Never Asked You

This piece was commissioned as part of the In Our Own Words series, which seeks to share the voices and experiences of marginalized individuals. You can find all of the pieces in this series here.

By Cynthia W. Connell

Mom, where is your recipe for Macaroni and Cheese? It was the one you made with the brown, crispy top and the thick golden orange sauce. You remember, the one from your childhood that we would eat on cold winter nights when the sun had set before we sat down to eat. Mom, can you tell me where to find that recipe?

I pulled a blank flower covered card from the shelves of the local Dollar Store. What should I write about this week? She was finally home from the hospital, but who would read to her? I decided to keep things simple, but send lots of pictures. Even though she can’t hear my voice over the phone, she can still see.

Mom, where were you baptized? Did your mother dress you in that white linen christening gown made by your grandmother? You know, the one I wore when I was baptized as an infant? Was your mother happy that at 40 years old, she finally had a baby to wear that dress?

“Dear Mom, The weather is still hot. Do you have a window near your bed so you can see the beautiful bright blue sky of a Northwestern summer?”

Mom, did you have a secret crush on John F. Kennedy after he introduced himself to you while you were sunbathing on that Massachusetts beach? Did you wear pillbox hats like Jackie’s?  Mom, did you cry when they killed him?

“Do you get to go outside this week?”

Mom, were you scared when you learned that the calls Dad was taking in the other room were coming from the White House? Did you think Dad would ever come back home again during those fateful thirteen days of October back in 1962?

“I was told that your Hospice worker helps you with trying to get up and around. Are you feeling stronger these days?”

Mom, were you scared when they killed Bobby and Martin? Did you worry about who might be next?

“I sent a picture of your great-grand baby playing at the beach with his cousin. Do you like their matching hats?”

Mom, did you think Hippies were a fad? What did you think of Janis Joplin or Jimi Hendrix? Did you vote for Nixon?

“My daughter-in-law says the baby is talking more and more each day. Can you believe he is already a toddler?”

Mom, did you regret being a housewife instead of having a career?  

Were you in favor of abortion because you had friends who died trying to get one?

“Are you comfortable?”

Mom, did you have regrets when I moved away to college?

I hold my pen above the paper and struggle to think of another question to ask; something casual that doesn’t need a reply, because there will never be one. I can only think of the questions I waited too long to ask.

Mom, did you ever dream about my wedding or cry on the day I got married in the Temple because you weren’t a Latter-day Saint and couldn’t attend?

I want to say that we pray for her, or, if I could, I would find a Catholic Church and light a candle there, but our local Catholic Church shut its doors years ago.

Mom, have your grandchildren made you proud?

I am running out of space on my card. I am running out of time.

Mom, it is almost time to say goodbye, did I tell you that I love you?

“Take care, I promise to send you more pictures next week.”

 If you have another week.

Ann Hinckley (left) and Joan Russell Watte (right) reunited Pancake Party Pals and Belmont Highschool Graduates of the Class of 1952.  Seattle, Washington, 2014. Photo taken by Cynthia W. Connell.

Epilogue:  My mother, Joan Russell Watte, entered Hospice care shortly before this piece was composed. No longer able to use her hearing aides, her caregivers suggested that I write to her weekly. As our communication ceased to be two-way, my mind began to wander to the many questions I had never thought to ask; the things that would have helped me to understand her better.

Mom was born in Lowell, Massachusetts during the Great Depression. She spent much of her childhood living with extended family members. One of these was her cousin, E. Neal Hartley, a child prodigy who began attending Harvard University at the ripe old age of 12.  As he got older, Neal moved closer to campus, but faithfully returned home every Saturday for the family’s dinner of Macaroni and Cheese and Harvard Beets. Since college students generally love a free meal, Neal often brought his school friends on weekends. During the many years of his academic studies, Neal brought home a steady stream of the best and brightest students that Harvard could offer. Eventually, cousin Neal went on to hold a faculty position at MIT, while continuing his regular Saturday night dinner visits with accompanying guests such as the renowned mathematician Norbert Weiner. Mom always giggled, like a schoolgirl, as she recounted stories about her dinners with Norbert, who was brilliant, but the quintessence of the “absent minded professor”. Without attending a single university class, my mom grew up to be a staunch intellectual. 

Their dinner conversations covered world cultures, the arts, and the current events of the day, but the subject of religion was never given a chair at the table. 

At the beginning of her Senior year, Mom transferred from Lowell to Belmont High School. She made new friends and among them was a classmate named Ann Hinckley.  During the early 1950’s, Ann’s family was at the center of Latter-day Saint community life in Belmont, Massachusetts.  Ann made it a habit to invite my quiet, intellectual mother to join her and several other LDS friends for group dates. Whatever Mom’s misgiving on the subject of religion, it had no sway when the invitations arrived from Ann to spend an evening at the opera in the company of some handsome, well-mannered Utah-born boys attending Harvard. The dates were wonderful, but the thing Mom remembered most were the happy feelings she experienced when Ann’s mom faithfully waited up for the girls return home, no matter how late, then made them piles of warm pancakes before sending them upstairs for a sleep-over.

As I grew up, I noticed the conflict that existed between my Macaroni and Cheese Mom and her pancake-party side. She was deeply committed to intellectualism yet couldn’t quite explain away that unquantifiable experience she felt among the Hinckleys. Over the years, she never attended church services, but rarely missed the monthly meeting of the local LDS Relief Society’s Book Club and potluck dinner.

More than 60 years after her graduation from Belmont High School, I decided to look up my mother’s mysterious friend Ann Hinckley. Using standard genealogical methodologies, I located Ann in under two hours, only to find  that my mother’s Latter-day Saint friend was living in Seattle, a mere 30 minute ferry boat ride away from my own mother. A few days later, Ann and Mom were reunited, picking up their friendship right where they had left off all those years ago. Ann passed away in 2022.

My mother passed away the morning of her 90th birthday, on 3 September, 2023.

Anne, I hope you’re listening. When my mom makes it to where you are, give her a good warm hug and a plate filled with spiritual pancakes. Make sure she gets an invite to the Gospel Book Club and a seat at its Heavenly Potluck dinner. I’m sure she’ll be bringing a helping or two of Macaroni and Cheese, with Harvard Beets, to make sure the dinner conversation is interesting.

Cynthia W. Connell is a multicultural author, educator, and cultural observer. The majority of her ancestors are a combination of French Canadian and Native Americans with a side order of Romanian Jews. If you come to her house, you will find bits and pieces of all the cultures that have impacted her life. She won the 2023 LDSPMA Spark Award for memoir.

Laughter of the Dirty Goddesses

“Women laugh together only in freedom, in the recognition of independence and female bonding.”

Carolyn G. Heilbrun

My life is transforming again. I am once again trying to make space for myself while realizing my incredible and unconscious diligence as a meek, small, and submissive woman. The sickening realization that I have more layers to peel off in this human development of mine is made worse as I examine each layer of patriarchal messaging I have built myself with. I thought I was done with this. But here I am again. However, this time I will try something new. 

This time I will break free from patriarchy with laughter – the unruly joy that is so antithetical to the rigid, appeasing woman I thought I should be. Sue Monk Kidd laments that “religion is the last patriarchal stronghold” and I believed this when I read it years ago, but now I see it in myself. I see the stronghold patriarchy has on my female life as a wife and a mother. Past attempts to break free have been marked by serious conversations, sobbing, and lots and lots of reading – but this time, this time will be marked with laughter.

Not empty laughter, but the true, full-body, free laughter that Clarissa Pinkola Estés, in her book Women Who Run With the Wolves, describes as “unrestrained, not caring about showing your tonsils, letting your belly hang out, letting your breasts shake” kind of laughter. The type of laughter that defies the patriarchy and is inspired by inappropriate behavior – the laughter of what Estés calls “the dirty Goddesses” – the loud laughter that does not care what a body looks like, only what it feels like.

At an Exponent II Retreat, my friends and I performed a skit we created from the 1960s book Fascinating Womanhood. The skit was a comedy based on the book’s appalling content (for example: “To be charming” is one of three reasons a wife shows “child-like sauciness” to her husband. It’s a real book. Ask your grandma.) Preparing the skit was a riot: four grown women rolled with laughter, adding commentary until we were lost in a breathtaking, toppling display of wild laughter. 

But I was horrified, too, realizing that I am a 1960s “fascinating” woman. Estés proclaims that laughter “is sacred because it is so healing.” I needed that sacred laughter with those women about that subject because facing my smallness is painful. Part of my healing, part of my liberation, happened in that cabin with other women as we whooped and hollered and peed a little with laughter.

In the book Writing a Woman’s Life, Carolyn G. Heilbrun declares, “In the end, the changed life for women will be marked, I feel certain, by laughter.” I want this type of change; the change that is marked, not by weeping or fasting or prayer, but by laughter. It feels rebellious and true and delightfully womanly.

My body is breaking free from the layers of submissive beauty and I want to laugh with abandon. I want to sacred laugh like I did with my friends at Retreat. This laugh is a marker of a woman’s changed life from conformity to freedom. Because, “when the laughter makes people glad they are alive, happy to be here, more conscious of love, heightened with eros, when it lifts their sadness and severs them from anger, that is sacred.”

Photo by Ainara Oto on Unsplash

The Allegory of the Saguaro Cactus

Guest Post from Lindsay Ragan (she/her)

Lindsay has chosen to take her family and venture into the desert of Arizona. Together, they spend their weekends off roading, camping, or just enjoying the dry heat. She loves napping, podcasts, driving with the windows down, and napping.

A huge, unexpected storm tore through Mesa, Arizona Sept 12, 2023. The morning revealed the disastrous aftermath. There were trees split in half, completely uprooted, large branches blown off and down the road. In the middle of the destruction the Saguaro (pronounced suh-wah-row) stands. 

This cactus only grows in a specific area of the Sonoran Desert. Its exclusiveness makes it special. It makes the desert iconic and breathtaking.  Like all things that are worth it, it takes time to grow. If you see one five feet tall, it is probably well over FIFTY YEARS old. If you see them with arms, they are probably over ONE HUNDRED years old and have abundant access to water so they could expand their breadth. A very few rare ones will fan out on the top in a crest.

This summer has been long, hot and very dry. Other desert trees have dried to their cores and died. The Saguaro has invested in its own development from its thick waxy skin to its protective needles. They adapt during prosperous times and droughts. When water flows, the cactus’ skin will expand as the sponge like pulp absorbs water in its straw shaped ribs. In extreme drought the upturned arms may start to droop or if necessary, they will drop off completely, saving the rest of the system. 

There may be other trees who have managed to get massive with time, but they can have shallow roots and so they fall over when the wind blows hard enough. The Saguaro has a taproot that goes down five feet, holding it solid.  

The Saguaro does not only exist unto itself, but it also provides much to the ecosystem of the desert. Gila woodpeckers and glided flickers will knock holes into it for nests. The cactus will develop scar tissue around the nest to protect it. When those birds leave, it welcomes new visitors who will continue to eat pestering bugs and the decaying tissue to keep the cactus from rotting. They will help spread its millions of seeds by eating its sweet fruit. 

I am in awe of these desert giants. 

I want to be like the Saguaro. 

I can take my time to grow at my own rate, based on my individual conditions.

I can adapt to new experiences, thrive, and expand my reach to bigger things. 

I can celebrate myself and the unique gifts I bring to my environment.

I can invest in myself by developing my talents and accepting where I am right now.

When the unexpected in life comes, I can hold onto myself with all my various tactical tools like self-compassion, mindfulness, and loving kindness.

I can drop that which is no longer serving me such as unrealistic expectations or worry about others’ opinions. 

I can establish confidence like a deep tap root, believing in my intrinsic worth.

When it is hard, I can buckle down and save the precious resources through self-care. I can adjust my focus until I can fill back up. 

I can stand open to the diverse community around me, offering what I can give. Together we can continually benefit from our relationship. 

I AM like the Saguaro. The storm has passed, the sun shines, the sky is cloudless and bright. The Saguaro has already refilled itself from the downpour and basks in the heat it thrives in. 

Why I Won’t Play Duck, Duck, Goose Again

Last year, on the Sunday before my birthday, my family ate my birthday cake without me.

We would be traveling for fall break on my actual birthday, so we planned in advance to celebrate with my favorite cake that Sunday. After dinner, we did our “family 15” cleanup, where each of us ostensibly does chores for fifteen minutes to clean up the kitchen and main floor. Then the kids were off to baths and showers. Once downstairs in pajamas, we wanted a bit more time between dinner and cake, so we decided to play a game. Our youngest child chose duck, duck, goose.

At our house, duck, duck, goose is slightly more extreme than the preschool version. We sit in a circle on the rug of our living room, and once the ducker selects their goose, the ducker takes off running into the kitchen, around the kitchen island, and then back around the couch to the living room rug, all while being chased by the goose. Our border collie gets very worked up by the game, barks, and shakes a toy around, so the game is also loud.

We went through several rounds of duck, duck, goose before my husband declared, “two more rounds.” My four-year-old chose me as the goose, and I chased her through the kitchen and back to the rug. Then it was my turn. I wandered the circle and hesitated slightly before selecting my husband as the “goose.” I took off running, rounded the kitchen island in a sprint, and returned to the rug untagged and out of breath. But something was a bit off. My kids asked, “Mom, why were you swearing while you ran?”

I am not ashamed to admit that my children have heard the occasional well-placed swear word in moments of frustration or pain, particularly when I drop something. But swearing while playing a family game is not typical for me.

I looked down and saw that my left pinky toe was sticking out at a weird angle, clearly either dislocated or broken. Along one wall of our living room, we have a metal cabinet called the “toy locker.” Apparently, as I ran past, my left pinky toe snagged on the foot of the toy locker, injuring my toe, but not tripping me. It didn’t yet hurt—the pain would come later—but I knew I had a problem.

A quick Google search told me our local Instacare would close in 27 minutes. I had to hurry. We were leaving the next morning on our trip, so we decided that my husband would serve the cake and tuck the kids while I attended to my foot.

I made it to Instacare to find that their X-ray machine was down. I had 13 minutes to drive to Instacare in the next town to get in before they closed. I made it just as the receptionist stood to lock the door. Anyone who was inside before the door was locked could be seen that evening, and she kindly allowed me to enter. The X-ray technician sighed as she fired back up the equipment she had just shut down for the night. The X-ray revealed a complete break through the bone. A doctor numbed my toe and reset the bone with a pop that still haunts me. A nurse instructed me on buddy-taping my toes and outfitted me with a rigid sole shoe and instructions to wear it for at least three weeks. She said to expect at least six weeks for a full recovery. I realized that the recovery time would overlap with my upcoming hysterectomy. I supposed that if I was going to break a bone, I might as well double up on healing time. But it was the coming week I was worried about.

I returned to a quiet house and sat down with my husband to eat cake. Should we cancel our trip? No, I didn’t want to do that for a broken toe. We were going to Seattle and then up to Forks, Washington, where we would spend my birthday on the rocky shores of Rialto Beach. We would skip our plans for hiking in the Hoh Rain Forest and modify our time in the city. Long walks through the airport would be a struggle, and I would soon find that the pain was the worst while trying to sleep at night. But this trip was partly a make-up trip for one disrupted by COVID shutdowns in March 2020. I didn’t need the trip to be perfect, but uncertain of what changes the coming months would bring, I needed this time with my family away from normal household concerns. And, having just watched all the Twilight movies with my kids, I wanted them to see the beauty of the Olympic Peninsula in person.

That was a year ago now. We did not find any sparkly vampires in the woods, but sitting on a driftwood log and watching my children splash in the water while the sun set remains one of my favorite memories.

Last night, on the Sunday before my birthday, I ate my birthday cake with my family. I will be traveling again on my birthday. My once-broken toe is healed, and I have made it through nearly a full year of surgical menopause. Before each birthday, I reflect on the previous year. Last year started with a stupid injury, but one that is easy to laugh about. I think it set me up for a year of slowing down, listening to my body, and adapting my plans as situations change. That isn’t always easy for me. I tend to want to power through, even when in pain. Turns out that taking time to heal has its benefits.

However, I don’t think I’ll be playing duck, duck, goose anytime soon.