Exponent II's Blog, page 61

Come see Exponent II at MHA, Sunstone, Restore, and more!

Conference season is underway! With Exponent II’s 50th anniversary this year, we have lots going on. Here are some not-to-miss events.

This week, the Mormon History Association is meeting in Cleveland and Kirtland, Ohio, for its annual conference. If you are not attending in person, there is an option to register for the digital conference where you can watch the plenary speeches and one livestreamed panel per session.

The Exponent II panel will be held in person and live-streamed on Saturday, June 15, from 2-3:30 pm ET. Michael Austin will chair the session, and Caroline Kline, Aimee Evans Hickman, Margaret Olsen Hemming, Lorie Winder Stromberg, and I (Katie Ludlow Rich) will present as part of a roundtable discussion. The session is titled “Fifty Years of Exponent II: Transitions, Turning Points, and Writing the Perilously Recent Past.”

We are less than two months away from the Sunstone Symposium that will be held August 1-3, 2024, in Salt Lake City at the University of Utah campus. Exponent II will have two panels.

On Friday, August 2, from 10:25-11:55 am MT, Exponent II President Lori LeVar Pierce will guide a roundtable discussion with current and former bloggers Nancy Ross, Jody England Hansen, Abby Maxwell Hansen, and Melissa-Malcolm King. The session is titled, “‘We’ve Been Here Before’: Exponent II, Online Mormon Feminism, and Where Change Happens.”

Then, on Saturday, August 3, from 5:55-6:55 pm MT, Heather Sundahl and I will present research findings from our forthcoming book, Fifty Years of Exponent II (Signature Books, 2024). Stay tuned in the coming weeks for a book cover reveal and pre-order information!

Session and panel times are subject to change, so be sure to check the schedule as time gets closer.

The FaithMatters Foundation is holding its third annual Restore conference from September 5-7, 2024, at the Mountain American Expo Center in Sandy, Utah. They have lined up incredible speakers, and Exponent II will have a table there. Come say hi!

And of course, don’t miss this year’s Exponent II retreat in New Hampshire! It will be September 20-22, 2024 and open registration begins THIS FRIDAY, June 14, at noon ET. It is expected to sell out, so register early!

There are more opportunities to gather to come. Be sure to sign up for our monthly newsletter so you don’t miss out on announcements for events around the country, like the one in Atlanta, Georgia, on July 13, at 6 pm ET. Details and RSVP here.

*Feature image from an Exponent II event at Writ and Vision in Provo, Utah, in March 2024. Photo by Abby Maxwell Hansen.

Come Follow Me: Alma 8-12: Jesus Christ Will Come to Redeem His People

Trigger warning – this lesson has descriptions of genocide.

Main Points

This story is broken into two parts in the Come Follow Me Curriculum. Part One is Chapters 8-12. Part Two is Chapters 13-16. You can’t really study one half of the story without the other. It’s important to know how the two halves of the story fit together. So here is the quick run down of the main beats of the story. 

Part One

Alma goes to Ammonihah to preach.The people reject him.He leaves, but is visited by an angel and told to go backAmulek was also visited by an angel and told to help AlmaAmulek takes Alma to his houseThe both go preachThey are met with hostility by the lawyers of the cityQuestioned by ZeezrumQuestioned by AntionahThey preach long sermons in response to the questions

Part Two

Arrested and taken before the Chief JudgeMen who believe are cast outWomen and children are burnedAlma and Amulek are abused in prison for many daysGod’s power destroys the prison and kills everyone inside, but Alma and Amulek walk out unharmedThey go to Sidom and find believersZeezrum is there. He is sick and haunted by what happenedHe believes and is healed.Ammonihah is destroyed by Lamanites less than a year laterContext

As with all my lesson plans I like to start out establishing some context.

Who wrote this? Mormon compiled the Book of Mormon almost 500 years after this story happened. There is a lot of dialog in this story so we can assume that this was written down much closer to the time it happened. Chapter 9 is specifically in the first person with Alma telling what he said and did. At some point over the next few chapters the narration slips back into third person.

When does this story take place?  About 82 BC. This is the 10th year of the Reign of the Judges.

Where does this story take place? The city of Ammonihah which is roughly northwest of Zarahemla. 

Who is mentioned by name in the text?

Alma – This the son of Alma. We often refer to him as “Alma the Younger” even though that title is never used in The Book of Mormon. He was serving as both the Chief Judge and the High Priest of the church, but he has given up being Chief Judge so that he can focus all his efforts on preaching. 

Amulek – A resident of Ammonihah who helps Alma and then preaches with Alma. He says he knew of the mysteries of the Lord but would not hear them. It wasn’t until he saw an angel and helped Alma that he had a change of heart.

Zeezrum – Zeezrum’s story arc is one of the most interesting parts of these chapters. He was one of the lawyers in Ammonihah who were trying to destroy Alma and Amulek and stir up the anger of the people of Ammonihah. He is shaken by the words of Amulek and Alma and has a change of heart. He tries to stop the violence the people of Ammonihah commit and is cast out. He is sick from what he has done and is eventually healed by his faith.

Antionah – A chief ruler of Ammonihah. He asks Alma one question at 12:20-21. We don’t hear anything more from him specifically so we can assume he does not have a change of heart like Zeezrum.

Chief Judge of the Land – unnamed man who repeatedly assaults Alma and Amulek when they are in prison. 

Topics of this Lesson Plan

It’s impossible to cover every specific bit of theology brought up in this story in one lesson plan. So we are going to focus on two main topics here. 

Why is God so mad at the people of Ammonihah?Amulek’s conversionWhy is God so mad?

One of the things that you’ll notice in this story is God is pretty annoyed at the people of Ammonihah. Alma and Amulek are repeatedly telling the people that they will be destroyed unless they repent. But the reasons for God’s anger aren’t very clear from a quick surface reading. 

It would be nice if there was a very clear reason spelled out at the beginning of the story. Something along the lines of what we see in the story of King Noah where we are told all of the things he and his people are doing wrong. But there is nothing like that here. 

Instead there are some clues scattered through the text. Let’s go through some of them. 

One of the best clues actually comes in the middle of the text. At Alma 12:33-35 Alma quotes God’s words to the people. The words are “If ye will repent and harden not your hearts, then will I have mercy upon you, through mine Only Begotten Son; therefore, whosoever repenteth, and hardeneth not his heart, he shall have claim on mercy through mine Only Begotten Son, unto a remission of his sins; and whosoever will harden his heart and will do iniquity, behold, I swear in my wrath that he shall not enter into my rest.”  Based on these verses we can see that there is a problem with the people’s hearts. They have hardened them against God and against other people. 

We hear about the people’s hearts at the beginning of the story too. Alma 8:9 says “Satan had gotten a great hold upon the hearts of the people of the city of Ammonihah.” Hearts are brought up many times throughout these chapters. 

Here are some other clues about why God is so angry at the people of Ammonihah

Alma 8:10:13 Shows that the people do not respect Alma because he is no longer the Chief Judge. The Book of Mormon for the Least of These has this to say about these verses: “They frankly admit that they would treat Alma differently if he held traditional power. Because he left the judgment seat, they feel free to enact violence on his body and throw him out of the city. How people treat those with less power than themselves reveals much more about them than does their treatment of people with privilege and status . . . the people are focused on power and are willing to brutally dismiss those without it.” (The Book of Mormon for the Least of These page 161.)Alma 8:16 is where the angel is talking to Alma. The angle says the people, “do study at this time that they may destroy the liberty of the people . . . which is contrary to the statutes, and judgements, and commandments which [God] has given to his people.”  The Book of Mormon for the Least of These has this to add: “The people of Ammonihah work — with effort, struggle, and intentional plan– to destroy liberation. Satan’s strong influence in this city has the inhabitants focused on power and those who hold power, but also on a desire to disempower others and curtail their liberty.”  (Book of Mormon for the Least of These page 162.)Alma 10:5-6 is Amulek talking about his relationship with God before the angel appeared to him. He says, “I have seen much of his mysteries and his marvelous power;  . . . Nevertheless, I did harden my heart, for I was called many times and I could not hear; therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know; therefore I went on rebelling against God, in the wickedness of my heart.” This is specifically about Amulek, but perhaps this could describe many of the people in this city. They knew God and yet would not turn their hearts to him.Alma 11:20 is speaking about the lawyers and judges of the community. It says “Now, it was for the sole purpose to get gain, because they received their wages according to their employ, therefore, they did stir up the people to riotings, and all manner of disturbances and wickedness, that they might have more employ, that they might get money according to the suits which were brought before them.” The Lawyers and Judges of the community are corrupt. They are not interested in rooting out injustice. Instead they are stirring up hate. Alma 14:7 shows the believing men of the city being cast out of the city with stones. Then in 14:8 we read of women and children being burned alive because of their beliefs. A society that does that sort of thing doesn’t just happen overnight. How much violence was already happening in this society? How hardened were the people’s hearts that they could do something this atrocious? 

So why is God so mad? He’s mad that the people have “hard hearts.” What that means is that the people in power are abusing that power. They aren’t protecting people with less power. Instead they are trying to make more money. They are willing to protect their power with acts of violence. 

A lot of times we can think that God only gets mad at the easy to list types of sins. Sins like Immorality, drinking, murder, etc. The people of Ammonihah might have been doing those things but the text doesn’t highlight those sins. Instead the text is talking about how these people treat other people. 

Take a minute to examine your own life. How are you treating other people? Is there anything that you could improve or change?

Examples of Repentance – Amulek’s story

There is a lot of talk about repenting and turning to the Lord in these chapters. What’s interesting is that this story contains three great examples of people who have repented and turned to the Lord. Alma himself once sought to destroy the church and was called to repentance by an angel. His story of his change of heart happens at the end of the book of Mosiah, and it’s not brought up in this story – but we remember that it happened. Every word Alma says about repentance is personal to him. 

Amulek’s change of heart is documented in these chapters. We’ll focus on him in a minute. 

The third person we see repenting is Zeezrum. We will look at his story arc in detail in next week’s lesson. 

This week we’ll look at Amulek. I love that we have his own words describing himself. In Alma 10:1-9 he tells his story. He says, “I am a man of no small reputation among all those who know me.” He has a large extended family, many friends, and has made a lot of money in “the hand of [his] industry.” He also lays out his family history and while the names and events are unfamiliar to us – it’s obvious that these have some sort of social cachet.

He describes knowing God in some sense, but of not actually paying attention. His phrasing is so interesting. 

He says things like:

“I was called many times and I would not hear.”  

“I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know”

“I went on rebelling against God, in the wickedness of my heart.”

Amulek is easy to picture. I think many of us know people like Amulek – or perhaps have been like Amulek. Maybe we even are currently like Amulek. Someone whose life is going well, and yet their spiritual life is lacking. 

What happens next though is not so common. An angel appears to Amulek. There’s no denying this. Amulek has to pay attention to the angel. 

But the angel doesn’t come with strong words calling Amulek to repentance. Instead he directs Amulek to take some specific actions: 

Return to his houseFeed a prophet of the Lord

Maybe God knew that Amulek needed to actually DO something in order to kick off his change of heart. Lectures weren’t going to work in this case. But service would. Amulek needed a specific assignment. A specific call to action. 

Have there been times in your life when your testimony was strengthened by action rather than by listening to preaching?

Amulek follows the angel’s directions and finds Alma. He takes Alma into his house and feeds him. Alma blesses Amulek and his house. Alma stays with Amulek for many days. The Book of Mormon for the Least of These has this to say about Alma 8: 26-27: “Although the angel warned Alma of impending danger and Alma hurried back to Ammonihah, Alma and Amulek take this time together. Setting aside space to build companionship in justice work is priceless. Before we can begin to do the work, it is worth asking whether we need to mend old relationships or form new ones. That does not pause or stop the work; it is part of the work.” (The Book of Mormon for the Least of These page 163) 

After Alma and Amulek have built their relationship Alma is commanded to preach to the people, and he is told to take Amulek with him. I wonder what Amulek’s reaction was to that. Did he say something like, “Hey wait, I was just commanded to feed you. This is more than I bargained for.” Or did he say something like, “Yes, I’m ready.” What would your reaction be if you were asked to preach in your hometown?

Alma begins preaching and the people mock him and say that they won’t believe his words because he is just one man. After Alma has preached for a while Amulek begins speaking. His words are in Chapters 10 and 11. He lends credibility to Alma’s words because he is a second witness and he is a prominent member of Ammonihah. 

He withstands Zeezrom’s questioning and even perceives Zeezrom’s plans to trick him. He speaks clearly of the difference between the temporal death (physical death of our bodies) and a spiritual death from our sins. It’s unclear if he knew all this theology before Alma arrived or if these are things that Alma has explained to him. Either way he has a lot of knowledge about theology. His words have the effect of silencing Zeezrom and causing Zeezrom to tremble.  

Alma takes over preaching again from Amulek in Chapter 12 and 13. 

In Chapter 14 1we see that Alma’s words combined with Amulek’s lead many people to believe and repent and search the scriptures. Unfortunately, most of the people are angry and want to destroy Alma and Amulek. The two men are tied up and taken to the Chief Judge of the land. There is so much chaos and violence stirred up in the land that the male believers are violently forced out of the city. The women and children are burned while Alma and Amulek are forced to watch. 

Amulek’s reaction to this horror is something we all would say. He asks, “How can we witness this awful scene? Therefore let us stretch forth our hands, and exercise the power of God which is in us, and save them from the flames.” (14:10)

Alma explains that they cannot. The spirit is preventing him from saving these people. We’ll get into the possible reasons in the next lesson. But it still couldn’t have been an easy scene for Amulek to witness. As an added horror it’s possible that his wife and children were some of the victims. In earlier chapters we read of Almulek having women in his house. But they are never mentioned again. Were they killed? Or did they disassociate from him when he became a believer? Either way his family appears to be gone. 

Almulek’s other line of dialog in this section is also very relatable. He asks, “Behold, perhaps they will burn us also?” (14:12)

He and Alma are not burned, but they are put in prison and repeatedly assaulted and questioned by “lawyers, and judges, and priests, and teachers.” (14:17) Alma and Amulek are silent in the face of this abuse. They are starved and not given any water. They are also naked. This is far from where their friendship started. It’s interesting that Amulek, who just weeks before was not very interested in God, is willing to endure all this with Alma. He doesn’t give up. He doesn’t say, “Oops, I was wrong. I think I’ll go back to my riches and my regular job now. I take back everything I said.”  No, he stands by Alma through all these things and suffers in silence with him. His ability to withstand all of this is a testament of how much his heart has changed.  

After many days Alma cries out, “How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? O Lord give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ unto deliverance.” He and Amulek break their bonds and the prison walls fall down. Everyone else in the prison is killed, but Alma and Amulek walk out unharmed. 

Amulek does not have any other dialog in this section. He travels with Alma to Sidom and helped establish the church there. Then Alma takes Amulek to his home and did “administer until him in his tribulations and strengthened him in the Lord.” (Alma 15:18)

But that’s not the end of Amulek’s story. Years later Alma goes on a mission to the Zoramites in Antonum. He puts together a “dream team” missionary group. He takes his buddies Ammon, Aaron, and Omner, (they are all back from their mission to the Lamanites.). He brings two of his sons Shiblon and Corianton. He also brings Amulek and Zeezrum. Amulek’s preaches a whole sermon to the Zoramites. It is recorded in Alma 34. 

His last words are “And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions; that ye do not revile against those who do cast you out because of your exceeding poverty, lest you become sinners like unto them; but that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from your afflictions.”

How do you think Amulek’s experience in Ammonihah influenced those words to the Zoramites? How do you think his knowledge of Jesus Christ has strengthened him and given him patience over the years? Do you think he ever wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t paid attention to that angel?

Conclusion – Sort of

We’ve looked at the reasons why God was angry at the people of Ammonihah. We’ve also looked at Amulek’s story arc. But we are far from being done with this story. Next week we will examine Zeezrum’s story arc. We will also attempt to take a wide eyed look at the horrors of the violence that is carried out on the believers.

Further Resources

This has been a long lesson plan and yet we’ve barely scratched the surface of what is contained in Alma 8-12. Here are a few more resources that you can look to for more ideas as you study the chapters.

1. The Book of Mormon for the Least of These -Volume Two by Fatimah Salleh and Margaret Olsen Hemming

2. A Brief Theological Introduction to Alma 1-29 by Kylie Nielson Turley.

3. Maxwell Institute Interview with Kylie Nielson Turley about her book. Click here for the youtube link.

Photo by Fadi Xd on Unsplash

A broken heart, not a contrite spirit

I remember the first time the LDS Church broke my heart. 

It was mid-December 2016–a Friday–my last day at my job. The next week was Christmas, a frenzy of packing and then moving to a new town and new job. And that morning, I received the news that the Mormon Tabernacle Choir would be performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration.

It was a gut punch. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised; I know they had performed at other inaugurations and that the church did not consider an inauguration to be choosing sides. They would see it as patriotic, not partisan.

Yet I was still heartbroken, outraged and betrayed. The thought that kept running through my mind was all the times growing up I heard that we needed to avoid not just evil but the appearance of evil–don’t walk around with hot cocoa in a Starbucks cup, don’t run into a bar to use the bathroom. You know the teachings. And yet here was the most public face of my religion–my religion that I loved, that I’d served a mission for and served in the temple for and had just been released as Relief Society president for–participating in the celebration of a man who, to my mind, had promoted evil at every turn in his campaign. 

I thought of this recently when reading Sarah Bessey’s newest book, “Field Notes for the Wilderness.” In a chapter on grief and trauma, she writes: 

“Stop pretending that your church didn’t break your heart. Stop saying it’s fine that you were betrayed. Stop excusing bad behavior and cruelty and carelessness. Stop joking about your pain. Stop trying to be unmoved by the news or by tragedy. What you think is the right and faithful response could actually be the thing tearing you apart from the inside. Until you learn to stop spiritually bypassing your actual life with your good humanness, you won’t find meaning, let alone healing” (p. 89).

I was sitting in my backyard, in a comfortable chair, on a beautiful summer day, enjoying the sun on my skin and the company of my dog when I read this and was transported back to that gray, wintry day filled with heartbreak and uncertainty. Bessey’s words brought to mind so many other moments–when I went to a temple dedication the day after the fatal Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally in 2017, heartbroken and seeking solace, and instead was reminded that women occupy a lower tier in the church. Or the last time I went to the temple in November 2019, having a good experience up until a stranger reached out, touched my stomach and asked when I was due. I felt the smile freeze on my face but tried to play it off to not make her uncomfortable, then tried to lessen the internal sting by telling the story later as a joke, insisting it was fine, but never being able to forget how I felt being called fat and touched against my will. Just weeks ago, rereading things I had written in the past, looking for inspiration for this post, I was struck by how frequently I preceded or followed up criticism with, “I know they meant well” instead of just allowing bad behavior to stand, on its own, without my propping it up or trying to sand down the painful edges.

There are dozens–hundreds–more examples, some individual heartbreaks and others perpetrated on whole generations and populations. Some are big, others are small, almost inconsequential. 

Almost, but not quite. 

The problem with the smaller heartbreaks is how often they happen. Each time, each experience reminds me that I do not belong here, that this space is not for me. That I am not safe here. The occasional sting I can brush aside. Knowing that every time I go to church, a speaker will say something alienating, a teacher will brush aside my comment but listen to the man who says it next, a hymn will refer only to men or I will look up at the stand and see the husband of the organist and know that no one objects to his presence, despite him not contributing anything to the meeting. A man on the stand is not distracting, is he?

It’s not fine.

Our Bloggers Recommend “Let Her Enter”, in celebration of the lifting of the temple and priesthood racial ban on June 8, 1978

Emeritus blogger East River Lady shares her experience receiving her temple endowment as a black member of the church. Click here to read:

“Let Her Enter” ^ Exponent II Blog

Spiritual Abuse

Trigger warning: Discussing of domestic violence

Note: In this I will be using female pronouns to discuss abuse victims and male pronouns to discuss perpetrators.  However, anyone can be a victim of domestic violence regardless of gender, and anyone can be a perpetrator.

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.  Although the word “violence” often implies physical aggression, domestic violence also encompasses controlling behavior that involves no aggressive touching at all.  The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) website has a short article on spiritual abuse, which I will quote at length here:

“You may not be aware of… spiritual (or religious) abuse.  If it’s discussed at all, most examples of spiritual abuse refer to a church elder or faith leader inflicting abuse on congregation members.  . . However, spiritual abuse can also occur within an intimate partner relationship.”

“Signs of spiritual abuse between intimate partners include when an abusive partner:

-Ridicules or insults the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs

-Prevents the other partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs.

-Uses their partners religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate or shame them.

-Forces the children to be raised in a faith that the other partner has not agreed to.

-Uses religious texts or beliefs to minimize or rationalize abusive behaviors such as physical, financial, emotional or sexual abuse.

It can be very difficult to identify, as many victims may not recognize they are being abused.  In addition, the abusive partner may claim that any challenge to the abuse is an assault on their own religious freedom.”

Most of the resources that I have found online about spiritual abuse operate from the presumption that either a minister is abusing his parishioners, or a member of a congregation is intimidating a pastor.  In the LDS Church, all worthy males over the age of 11 can hold the priesthood, and they are taught they are to preside in the home over their wives and children.  This structure has the unfortunate side effect of facilitating spiritual abuse, as men frequently occupy a position of perceived spiritual authority within the home.

Abuse is hard to recognize, and I think spiritual abuse is much harder to recognize because as a society we virtually never discuss it.  It overlaps with many other forms of abuse, adding a religious element. Emotional abuse that cites scripture or frames alleged misdeeds around sin and repentance is spiritual abuse as well as emotional abuse. The same is true for other kinds of domestic violence – financial abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse and so many others. All kinds of abuse can also be forms of spiritual abuse if the perpetrator draws on religious or spiritual beliefs to try to control their target.  I chose the categories below by drawing from the information describing spiritual abuse and controlling behavior on the NDVH website.

Emotional-Spiritual Abuse

Making you feel bad about yourself:  “Your talk wasn’t as bad as the last one you gave.”  “You can’t even tell how little time you put in to preparing that lesson for our family.”  “Glad you finally found a shirt that covers your garments.”Making you feel guilty: “I’m sorry I have to try to explain modesty to our daughter and that she cannot dress like her mother” “I’m disappointed that you are such a poor role model of honoring covenants and exemplifying modest dress.” “No action you take in your life can compensate for your failure in our home.” Insulting you: “You are acting like Satan and his followers” “Jezebel” “Gaslight you to make you question your own experiences with personal revelation, your testimony, or understanding of Gospel principles. “You did not feel prompted to seek a separation, because God placed us in family units.” “That talk did not mean what you think it means.” “That wasn’t a real answer to prayer.” Comparing you unfavorably to others: “If only you understood the scriptures as well as Sister T.  Her talks are always so inspiring.” “My brother married a return missionary and you can really tell the difference in their home compared to ours.” 

Humiliating you: Supposed jokes in talks often are backhanded jabs.  “I didn’t realize my wife had  a calling! She sure never seems to need to do much!” “I don’t remember the last time I saw my wife open her scriptures!” “When I met my wife, she wasn’t temple worthy”

Using Male Privilege

Making all the big decisions: “We don’t agree on moving to a different state.  Because by divine design I preside in the home, we’re moving.”Treating you like a servant “A woman’s role is to nurture children.  So I’m not changing diapers!” “Why is the house so messy? Your role is to make our home a temple!”

Claiming spiritual authority over you:  “Like I’ve always tried to teach you, repentance has to be followed by action to get forgiveness.  You haven’t changed the way I want you do, so you haven’t really repented and I won’t forgive you and neither has God.” “Your greatest weakness has always been recognizing your errors and making change and it will be your greatest failure in eternity.”

Using children

Threatening to take away the children: “You are the one removing yourself from these blessings.  We will not be denied any blessing on earth or heaven because I chose to better myself when life got hard instead of walk away.  We held to the rod, while you got lost in the mists of darkness.” “Filing for divorce means you are violating your covenants and will not be with our children in the eternities.”

Making you feel guilty about the children: “Well it’s no surprise Mark isn’t serving a mission.  If only you had been more consistent with reading scriptures to the kids every morning.”  “You’ve been staying home from Church and now Amy doesn’t want to be baptized.  Are you proud of yourself for keeping her from returning to her Heavenly home?”

Economic- Spiritual Abuse

Preventing you from getting or keeping a job: A husband might draw on the many, many quotes and talks that say a woman’s place is in the home to enforce his position that you not have access to employment.Making you ask for money or gives you an allowance: “The father’s role is to provide, so I am in charge of the money.”

Not letting you know about or have access to financial information: “I earn the money, so what I choose to pay in offerings is up to me.”

Using Religion to Coerce and Threaten

Invoking God as judge to control your behavior: “The world and God are watching your actions,” “The more scary judgement day is also at hand, when you have to stand before your savior and fully acknowledge without being able to hide behind your false justifications and lies and explain why you inflicted such atrocities on the children and the husband he gave and entrusted to you.  You will not be able to hide or lie at that point and the consequences of these actions will follow you through all eternity.” 

Invoking Church authorities to control your behavior: “Your ward is counseling how to bring you back” “This is going to cost you your temple recommend if I tell the Bishop the truth.” “If I told the Bishop _____ there’s no way you could keep your calling .”

Spiritual Abuse

Ridiculing your religious beliefs: “Praying to Heavenly Mother is wrong and is offensive. How do you think Heavenly Father feels about you not praying as we are taught?” “You don’t think polygamy was ordained of God? Ever heard of a little book called the Doctrine and Covenants?” This form of abuse can also come from a non-believer directed at someone choosing to stay. “Are you seriously going to read a book a charlatan made up by staring in a hat?” 

Preventing you from practicing your religious or spiritual beliefs: “You were baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and when I asked you to be my wife, it was as a member of our church.  You can’t attend this other service.” “Women can’t give blessings to their children.” 

Using your spiritual or religious beliefs to manipulate or shame you:  “I’m praying that you’ll see how far from the path you’ve strayed.” “I will return to God knowing I have every last fiber of my being trying to save this family and changed everything I could.  Can you say the same? If not, then you didn’t keep your covenants.” “The only reason I’m still trying to deal with you is because I made a covenant.” “The destruction of the family is the greatest evil that one can do in this earth and until you stop taking actions that destroy our family your apology is as empty as the covenants you are breaking in this divorce.” “Enduring to the end means you are wrong to seek a divorce.”

Using scriptural or Church language to add weight to accusations or opinions: “I testify to you that you will be held accountable by God” “I was in the temple and felt prompted to tell you that you need to spend less time on social media.” “You reap what you sow.  This is happening to you because of your bad choices, not because of me.” “I prayed about it and received a confirmation that you need to…” “As the priesthood leader in our home…”

Using religious texts to minimize or rationalize abusive behaviors: “God commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth.  As my wife it’s God’s plan for you to have sex with me/have more children.” “I was ‘reproving betimes with sharpness, but afterward showing an increase of love’ like the scriptures say.” “It says in Ephesians that wives should submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  In the temple you said you would submit to me.” “Your feelings are hurt because the wicked take the truth to be hard.” “Wickedness never was happiness. You’re unhappy because of your choices. My actions are just the natural consequences.” “The scriptures say you should leave your parents and cleave to me, so you need to stop spending your time with your family and focus on me.” “1 Cor 7:4 says that women don’t have authority over their bodies, but husbands do.” “You’re just like Eve.  You made me sin.”

This list is by no means exhaustive.  Abuse is hard to recognize if you have never heard it labeled as such.  Spiritual abuse is insidious, because countering it may feel like you are rejecting forms of divine authority you respect and value – scripture, the words of prophets, promptings you’ve received, your covenants, your beliefs generally.  That is why spiritual abuse can be so effective.  The goal of an abuser is to control you and to maintain power over you.  What could be more powerful than the power of God? It makes it very difficult to argue, to reject it, or to insist on your own interpretation.  Unfortunately spiritual abusers are often enabled by local priesthood leaders who share similar interpretations of gender roles, covenants, and the authority of husbands and fathers.

My hope in creating this far from comprehensive list is that it may empower some survivors of abuse to label their experience for the domestic violence that it was/is.  You are not alone.  Your experience is probably heartbreakingly common, but we lack the vocabulary and support to call it what it is.  Any person might occasionally say one of the above things in a moment of ill-judged anger.  But if these represent a pattern, or many of them are all too familiar, then it would be worth exploring your experience further with a qualified professional.

Get help:

In the United States call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800 799 7233. You can also text or chat through their website

In England call Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247

In Northern Ireland Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline call 0808 802 1414

In Scotland call Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline 0800 027 1234

In Wales call Live Fear Free 0808 8010 800

In Ireland all Women’s Aid 1900 341 900

In Australia call 800 Respect 1 800 737 732

In New Zealand use Are You Okay to locate a service near you and get support

Who Has Beautiful Feet? – Interpreting Isaiah in Mosiah

This year I decided I was not going to let the Come Follow Me curriculum dictate my scripture study schedule. I decided to spend the whole year studying Mosiah. I also put together a Ladies scripture study group to study along with me. 

There are 29 chapters in Mosiah so I created a schedule that would allow us to study Mosiah in four to six week “cycles” with two week breaks between each cycle. It’s been very rewarding to go through scripture at this slower pace. I’ve been able to gain so much insight into passages of scripture that I previously rushed through.

Recently my study group has been working through the teachings of Abinadi found in chapters 12-17 of Mosiah. As I worked on lesson plans for my study group, I discovered some really beautiful things inside of those chapters. I want to share my findings here.

Just a fair warning. These chapters have a surprising amount of quotations from Isaiah. I’m going to try to keep my explanation simple and try to break it down in a way that doesn’t get too overwhelming. But it’s still going to be deep. At one point while I was working on the lesson plan for Mosiah 15 I created this meme to share how I was feeling. 

I don’t have a wall of papers and string, but I’m close. As you read through this it will be helpful if you have your scriptures with you because it that will make things easier to follow.

Let’s start in Mosiah Chapter 12. When Abinadi is taken captive by the people they turn him over to King Noah and his wicked priests. The priests want Abinadi to contradict himself so they ask him hard questions. 

One of the things they ask of him is to tell them the meaning of a passage of Isaiah. This makes me laugh because it seems that even in ancient times Isaiah had a reputation for being difficult to understand. I can just see those priests getting together and saying, “Let’s ask him about Isaiah – he’ll never be able to explain Isaiah.” 

They ask him to interpret Isaiah 52:7-10. (You can find it in Mosiah 12:21-24). The passage reads:

7. How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings; 

That publish peace;

That bringeth good tidings of good;

That publisheth salvation;

That saith unto Zion, “Thy God reigneth!”

8. Thy watchmen shall lift up the voice;

With the voice together shall they sing, 

For they shall see eye to eye when the Lord shall bring again Zion. 

9. Break forth into joy;

Sing together, ye waste places of Jerusalem;

For the Lord hath comforted his people

He hath redeemed Jerusalem. 

10. The Lord hath made bare his holy arm in the eyes of all the nations;

And all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.

If you are like me, your eyes glossed over and you zoned out while reading that passage. I know, I know, Isaiah isn’t the most engaging material on the first (or fifth) pass. But this passage ends up being at the heart of the next few chapters so please read over it again and then keep a finger on that passage because we’ll come back to it.

At first Abinadi acts like he doesn’t plan to interpret this passage. He gives one of the greatest comebacks in scripture by basically saying, “Isn’t it YOUR job to teach people what the scriptures mean? Don’t you understand what this means already? Why are you asking me?”

However, in Chapter 13 we learn that Abinadi does plan to interpret this passage. When the priests attempt to silence him by laying their hands on him in verse 2 he is able to resist them and says that he cannot be silenced for two reasons.

1. He has not finished the message the Lord gave him.

2. He hasn’t “told you that which you requested.” Which means he hasn’t answered their question about the meaning of the passage from Isaiah. 

He takes his time getting around to interpreting Isaiah 52. First he reads all 10 Commandments and then segues into a discussion about how the Law of Moses is not what brings salvation – it is a type of things to come. 

He then quotes all of Isaiah Chapter 53. (It’s found in Chapter 14 of Mosiah.) At first glance the fact that he is bringing up Isaiah 53 seems kind of random. But if you read the chapters together you can actually see that Isaiah 52 and 53 are connected in more ways than just being next to each other. Isaiah 53 describes a suffering servant (who we interpret to be Jesus Christ). The passage about the suffering servant actually begins in verse 13 of Isaiah 52. Abinadi isn’t just pulling a random chapter from Isaiah – he’s using one that is thematically linked to the passage that the priests want him to interpret. 

In Isaiah 53/Mosiah 14 we read the familiar phrases about Jesus being “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” We read that he “has bourn our griefs and carried our sorrows.” We read of him being led to his death like a “lamb that is led to the slaughter.” We read that “he bore the sins of many, and makes intercession for the transgressors.”

I highly recommend taking the time to read over these passages from Isaiah in different translations. You can easily find ESV, RSV, NIV and other translations with a quick Google search. Reading the passages in a different translation can help you find deeper meaning in words that are easy to gloss over when you are reading them in the same phrasing that you’ve read your whole life. 

In Mosiah 15 verses 5-10, Abinadi interprets Isaiah 53. He uses many of the same phrases from Isaiah 53 to explain what will happen to Jesus.

In verse 10 he repeats the phrase “When thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin he shall see his seed.” This is from Isaiah 53 verse 10. 

Abinadi then asks, “Who shall be his seed?”

He starts listing the types of people who are considered the seed. At the end of verse 11 he also explains that seed is another word for heirs of the kingdom of God. We are going to go through these next few verses slowly so that we can really understand who Abinadi considers to be the seed/heirs of the kingdom. 

In Verse 11 we read that the seed/heirs of the kingdom are the people who: 

Heard the words of prophets who prophesied of the coming of the LordHearkened unto their wordsBelieved that the Lord would redeem his peopleLooked forward to a remission of sins

In verse 12 we read that the seed/heirs of the kingdom are also:

They whose sins he has borneRedeemed from their transgressions because of his death

Verse 13 we read that the prophets are also his seed/heirs

In verse 14 we read what his seed/heirs do? And this is where things get really exciting because Abinadi is FINALLY interpreting Isaiah 52 verse 7 (The other verses come later.)

According to Abinadi the seed/heirs of the kingdom have done the following things:

Published PeaceBrought Good tidings of Good (by the way the ESV translation has this phrase as “Good tidings of Happiness” which I think sounds much better.)Published SalvationSaid unto Zion “Thy God reigneth.”

Then he takes us through several versions of the phrase at the beginning of verse 10 of Isaiah 52:10. The phrase is “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet.” This sounds a little strange to our ears. Beautiful feet? Is this some sort of foot fetish? But it’s basically an ancient idiom for “a messenger announcing a great deed.” 

It’s easy to read these next few verses and kind of zone out with the repetition. But pay close attention to the tenses of these verses. 

Verse 15 is talking about the Past: “And O how beautiful upon the mountains were their feet!”

Verse 16 is talking about the Present: “And again, how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those that are still publishing peace.” 

Verse 17 is talking about the Future: “and again, how beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of those who shall hereafter publish peace yea from this time henceforth and forever!”

Abinadi is saying that the seed/heirs of the kingdom are the ones that are bringing good news in the past, the present, and the future. 

But Abinadi is not done with this phrase yet. In verse 18 he basically says, “But wait, there’s more” and then goes on to explain that Christ himself also has beautiful feet and is bringing good tidings. He says that Christ is the founder of peace, who has redeemed his people, and who has granted salvation to his people. 

Abinadi has interpreted this one verse of Isaiah to be about people who have believed in Jesus, who do believe in Jesus, who will believe in Jesus, and as about Jesus himself. Talk about layers! 

So why is this good news? And what does this have to do with us?

Abinadi goes on to explain in verses 19-21 that Christ has done several things for his people including:

Redeemed them so they are saved from perishingBroken the bands of deathHas power over deadWill bring to pass the resurrection of the dead

Those of us who are used to the gospel can kind of gloss over those concepts. It’s easy to think, “yeah, yeah, I’ve heard this before.” But stop and really think about it for a moment. What if this was the first time you learned that there would be a Christ? What if this was the first time you learned that you would be redeemed? What if this was the first time you heard that Christ would have power over death? What if this was the first time you heard about the resurrection?

Would that make you want to publish peace, bring good tidings of happiness, to publish salvation, and say something like, Thy God Reigneth? It might.

You also might find yourself doing the other things described in Isaiah 52 verses 8-10.

Things like singing. Or breaking forth into joy. What would you do if you knew that the Lord hath comforted his people? Would your eyes join the other eyes of people in all the nations and the ends of the earth as they see the salvation of our God? Abinadi seems to think so. At the end of chapter 15 he quotes the remainder of Isaiah 52 verses 8-10. He doesn’t give as much commentary on these verses. It seems like he’s saying these verses are a natural result of hearing the good news from the messenger.

At first this passage from Isaiah seems like a random ancient poem. It talks about the beautiful feet of a messenger. That can seem strange and confusing to our modern ears. What does that even mean? But thanks to Abinadi’s explanation we can see that this passage is about how we as believers in Christ react when we learn that he has redeemed us and saved us from sin and death.

It’s about taking the beautiful message- the message that says that the Lord has surely borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows – and sharing that message with others. To give them good tidings of happiness. To sing together.

This passage is about prophets, it’s about Jesus, it’s about me, and it’s about you.

According to Abinadi we all have beautiful feet when we are talking about what Christ has done for us.

Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash

To Be Fiskin: The Seawomen of Iceland

The whole world was grey and black, from heavy clouds in the sky that threatened rain to the dark sands of Djúpalónssandur. The beach was strewn with rusting wreckage left as a memorial to a tragic shipwreck in the early 1900s. We meandered around the twisted metal, feet sinking into black lava rocks rolled smooth by the ocean. The beach was impressive and rugged, with kittiwakes soaring above us to the cliff sides and the steady hum of ocean waves against the black sand, but our goal was a trail to Dritvík, a cove about a kilometer from the beach.

It was not an ideal day, with wind blowing relentless across the imposing terrain. I had the feeling that ideal days in Iceland should not be waited upon, but even so, few tourists had ventured out, so my spouse and I were mostly alone to carefully maneuver our way through the rocks.

Steep up the cliff and then flat at the top, I found the land eerily similar to the high plateaus of Northern Arizona and southern Utah, if those places were smashed right up against Idahoan volcanic rock fields. I felt strangely at home.

Eventually the trail dropped down into waving grasses and a protected ravine. The beach was awash in shades of black, grey, and bone white, stark against the emerging spring green at the edge of the boulder field.

Photograph of Dritvík, taken by author in 2024

Before descending, we paused for a moment at the interpretive sign describing the two hundred or so years of history where twenty to fifty boats and over two hundred men lived and fished in the cove for weeks or months at a time. I thought I must have read the sign wrong.

The men?

I’m not generally given to punk tendencies, but in that moment, I have never wanted to engage in vandalism more.

The sign was just plain wrong.

In all the years that Dritvík was in use, upwards of 50% of fishing crews were female and some women even led all-female crews. Anyone who proved themselves capable was not going to be turned away1.

Dritvík was not a cove where only men fished and lived. This was a place where adult women and men, and occasionally teenagers, entrusted their lives to a foreman leading small six-oar rowboats, open to the ocean, to fish in an unforgiving landscape. Navigation was difficult and accidents were many.

Photograph of Dritvík, taken by author in 2024

One poet/seawoman, Látra-Björg, captured the dangers succinctly in a short poem:

“I laugh in the face of all danger

While tossed on the wild strong sea.

If I reach shore now or never

It’s all the same to me.”

The Icelandic seawomen who faced this danger, rowed the boats, caught the fish, processed the fish, made the life-or-death decisions, or suffered the consequences of the decisions of their foreman, have a unique place in history, especially given the rest of Europe’s association of women at sea with bad luck.

In contrast, the Icelandic seawoman could be fiskin.

To be fiskin in Iceland is a compliment that can be given to any gender. Margaret Willson writes,

“Being fiskin reflects a deep sea knowledge that goes beyond the rational. This sea knowledge is seen as an all-encompassing, almost sacred embodied relationship of more than just the mind, something imbued in the body, uniting the sea and sky and connected to the gods… Sea knowledge encompasses a state of awareness that rejects no information, be that coming through observation, intuition, weather skills, or an understanding of the supernatural assistance presented through dreams.”

Foreman Thuridur, a legendary seawoman of Iceland, was fiskin. She was also the reason I was hiking to Dritvík.

Foreman Thuridur fished off the coast of Snæfellsnes, wearing pants instead of the legally mandated woolen skirts. She had a near mythical weather sense. She led her crew with a miraculous level of safety, never once losing a crew member in sixty years. She defended her rights, by going to court if necessary. She was paid an equal share for her labor due to a unique law that guaranteed equitable pay to all who fished regardless of gender, though the inequitable farmhand system of Danish rule meant all her shares went to the farm holder. She was able to support both herself and her mother by catching bonus fish, and, once she was too old to work, she lived out the end of her days in poverty, a fate shared by many seawomen of the time1.

At Dritvík, I imagined Foreman Thuridur, strong, trusted, in command, predicting the weather, carrying the responsibility for her crew and boat. She would have experienced respect and freedom in a way not so available on land. Her boots would have held up sure against the rocks that slid out from under us as we toddled over the landscape. She would have had the knack of it. Her wisdom kept the fishers safe and the fish plentiful, since many a foreman would follow her choice to stay in or go out. She must have been a very capable person. She was fiskin.

To engage fully, deeply, in any discipline offers a path toward being fiskin. To navigate the hidden dangers of a potentially hostile and yet awesome landscape offers a path toward being fiskin. To be fully connected to both rational and intuitive sources of knowing offers a path toward being fiskin. To be so fully oneself that one can trust in their choices offers a path toward being fiskin. It must be something, to be worthy of this word. It seems worthwhile to try.    

1Willson, Margaret. Seawomen of Iceland : Survival on the Edge. Seattle: University of Washington Press, 2016.

Title Photo by Tabea Schimpf on Unsplash

Thoughts on the New Hymnal

Back in 2018, the church announced that a new hymnal would be forthcoming. After a few years with no apparent motion, I kind of gave up. However, last week, the first batch of hymns came out in English. Other languages will follow. Thirteen hymns were released, and the project is expected to take until 2026, when the full print and digital version will be released in English, with other languages as they’re ready.

The hymns are numbered beginning with 1001, and the organization is currently in two sections – “Sabbath and Weekday” and “Easter and Christmas”. I’m assuming/hoping that these are placeholder numbers, because as it stands, the hymns aren’t organized topically or thematically, and it seems a bit haphazard. The new hymnal will contain both regular hymns and primary songs, and for ease of organization, I hope when it’s complete, the different types are grouped together. The hymn numbers will be standardized across languages, which will be a benefit to multi-language congregations.

Of the new hymns, I knew about half of them already. Come, Thou Found of Every Blessing is included, to the joy of many. I had planned to incorporate it into sacrament meeting later in the month, but last night I got a request to make it next week’s closing hymn. With the support of the organist, I agreed. I’m going to coordinate with the other music chairs in my stake to see about getting a fireside together so we can all become familiar with the new hymns. I’ll probably make it a recurring series as new batches are released.

A few of the hymns aren’t well arranged for congregational singing, and some alto friends I have are particularly disappointed in the alto lines. Overall, however, I think this is a good start. The collection is called Hymns – For Home and Church. I’m glad they resisted the impulse to slap “The Family ™” brand all over it.

Over the next little while, I’ll be highlighting some of these for the sacred music Sunday series.

Garments vs The Fashion Industry, Part 3, Swimsuit Edition

Hopefully no one is wearing their garments when they are swimming! A better title for this series might have been “Church Dress Codes vs The Fashion Industry”, but I chose to stay consistent with my earlier posts: Part 1, and Part 2.

Swimsuits from Target have had a fairly consistent good fit for my daughters. As a big box store common throughout the United States, Target stocks styles that are pretty representative of current fashion trends. All three of these swimsuits for one of my tweens have come from Target:

2022: YW camp approved, hard to zipper in the back and sunscreen under the mesh (but she can do it independently).
2023: not YW camp approved, but she can apply sunscreen independently.
2024: YW camp approved, she’ll need help with sunscreen on her back.
I think it is strange that the swimsuit that covers the most skin is also the swimsuit that would not be permitted at church camp for not being “modest”.

The year 2022 was the first time I’d ever seen swimsuits (as opposed to rash guards) with sleeves on them. I loved that the full coverage on the back of the suit meant that my daughter could reach to apply sunscreen all by herself (although she did have to remember to put it on when she was changing so it could go under the mesh cutouts).

In 2023, neither of my tweens found a one piece swimsuit in the Target girls’ section that worked for them. We also looked in the women’s section. Even though it was the beginning of the season when most styles had most of the sizes available, there were zero women’s one-piece swimsuits available in the smallest sizes. Men’s swimsuits are bigger versions of boys’ swimsuits. Women’s swimsuits are substantially different than girls’. The fashion industry seems to insist that once you have curves, you must show them off. Not all women want to do this. I have two non-member friends who sew their own swimwear because they don’t like what’s available in stores. While the girls’ suits at Target had a number of sleeved, high neck styles, the women’s section was dominated by bikinis that showed off a lot more skin. Styles with more coverage only came in larger sizes.

Target wasn’t the only store last year to discriminate between smaller and larger women’s bodies. At the end of the season I was looking for boy shorts or lined board shorts. I tried many stores with no luck finding anything in my smaller size. What I did find was upsetting: small sizes only had bikini bottoms available, plus sizes mostly had board shorts and swim skirts available. Every body is a beach body! The degree to which each body is covered should be the choice of the person inhabiting the body, not the fashion industry. When I finally found board shorts in my size they were 1) unlined, 2) had a very short inseam which definitely would have required me to purchase another swim bottom to wear underneath, and 3) cost twice as much as men’s swim trunks from the same store. Paying more for an inferior product was insulting, and I didn’t bother to try them on.

Neither of my girls are particularly keen to show off their changing body. I had to give my daughters explicit permission to try on two piece swimsuits, which is how we ended up with the 2023 suit pictured above. Something that I loved about the suit was that it gave her total autonomy. She could easily put it on by herself, she could independently apply sunscreen to all the necessary places, and it’s easy to use the bathroom when the suit is wet. I love that the bikini top came with the rashguard, and all together it had the same price-point as the other suits. (I find wet rashguards uncomfortable without support underneath, and bikini tops and rashguards are typically sold separately in the women’s department. Meaning your swimsuit is even more expensive if you want to cover more. Tankini tops have a built in bra, but the back is usually exposed so you still need help with sunscreen.) My daughter wore the two piece suit to the pool a few times, but then came the Young Women’s camp guidelines saying that girls were required to wear a one piece bathing suit. I told my daughter that her swim suit was appropriate for swimming at girls camp, and that if the leaders complained about it she should tell them to call me. I am a quiet person, but they would have gotten an earful! Instead, my daughter never wore the suit again, opting to use her old suit for the rest of the summer. Finding a swimsuit for my other daughter that year involved trying on dozens of suits at multiple stores in the mall. The one we ended up with happened to be one piece, so she didn’t have to deal with the church dress code dilemma. The YW camp leaders asked for feedback. I requested that they do away with the one piece swimsuit requirement. Finding a suit that fits is hard enough and can take hours. As long as the girl can safely swim in it, it’s appropriate for the activity.

I would describe the 2024 suit pictured above as a long sleeved monokini. Sure, it’s one piece and covers her bellybutton. It looks adorable on her. But it doesn’t grant her bodily autonomy like the 2023 suit. Her back is exposed and she’ll need assistance putting on sunscreen. The tie in the back is sewed on, but we had to check because that’s not a given. Knots like that can be uncomfortable against a seat back. If she needs to use the bathroom when the suit is wet, those sleeves will be hard to pull back on. Rules about swimwear should focus on safety. They should not require a girl to sacrifice her time, comfort, or convenience to find a suit deemed “appropriate” by others. A one piece swimsuit rule is an arbitrary restriction that does nothing to protect a girl’s physical or moral safety, since the rule does not inherently teach her to make choices that respect her body and its wellbeing. It does teach her to consider the male gaze, even in a setting like Young Women’s camp where few men may be around.

The back of the 2024 swimsuit above.

Men’s swimwear is designed for men’s convenience. They function very similarly to a regular pair of shorts and it’s not hard to find hybrid styles that have four full sized pockets. Once I had a pair of women’s swim shorts that had a side pocket. That single pocket felt liberating! It was so handy for holding a room key at a hotel, or keeping car keys easily accessible and not buried in one of the many bags moms inevitably end up hauling from the beach. Women carry keys. It’s lovely whenever women’s clothing acknowledges this fact.

My favorite pair of shorts was marketed as a men’s swim trunks. The fabric is cool and breathable, and they still look great 5-6 years later. Men’s swimwear can be used as clothing, women’s swimwear function more like underwear. Men’s swim trunks cost about the same as a pair of shorts, but women’s swim bottoms typically cost 2-5x more than a pair of panties. On Target’s online store, everything on the first page of men’s swim trunks cost between $15-35. A typical woman’s swim suit (one piece or both pieces of a bikini) will set you back about $30-50. Not only do women’s suits cost about $15 dollars more, the fabric is not as durable and won’t last as long, so over a lifetime a woman will need to spend significantly more on swimwear.

The gray hybrid swim trunks on the left have been well used for 5-6 summers and are still in excellent condition. The tan ones are 2-3 years old. The only differences are color and inseam length.

My Target has a selection of women’s one-piece suits in all sizes this year! And lined swim shorts too! Will they be there next year? Who knows? Men’s fashions don’t change as quickly. I bought another pair of my favorite shorts in a different color a few years ago. The inseam was reduced from 10.5 inches to 9 inches, but otherwise they are identical. Target carries the exact same cut this year. (Yes men, it is getting harder to find shorts that cover your garments. You can cry me a river when you have to shop in the women’s department on the off chance that you’ll find something compatible with your garments AND your body.) Women’s fashions can change drastically from year to year. This means a woman has to constantly evaluate what she likes, what she finds acceptable, what styles fit, what will meet her needs, what she will make do with if she can’t find something that meets her needs, what looks good with her features, what others will think if she wears that item…it’s exhausting.

A few years ago I needed a swim suit I could nurse in. It was the off season, so there wasn’t much swimwear available in stores. I found one online that could be worn strapless or with removable spaghetti straps. It turned out that the straps connected with metal hooks that hurt under the snug elastic. The strapless suit worked great for nursing though! It took me more mental effort than I wish to remember to decide that God does not care whether or not three square inches of my shoulders are covered, and it’s perfectly fine to wear a strapless swimsuit. Also: it’s so much easier to put sunscreen on when you don’t have to go under straps! The suit met my needs, but not the expectations of church culture. The first time my husband saw me in the suit he asked, “Is that appropriate?” Dear reader, that was the day I learned that “yes” is a complete sentence. Later we had a good discussion about why I chose what I chose, but that was another form of emotional labor. Don’t judge. Gendered swimwear expectations are heavy on women who are already so body-conscious. We’re tired. Just let a woman be, no matter what she chooses to wear (or not wear) to the beach.

Guest Post: The Current State of LDS Working Women

by Rebecca Lucero Jones

On May 3rd, the church’s social media account shared a post with words from Camille Johnson that talked about her experience as a working mother in which she was able to follow personal promptings regarding education and prioritize family. Many women had complex reactions to this post. Not because they disagreed with her message but because this message is what women have been waiting for: the church highlighting a working mother who can proudly talk about how she has followed her dreams and is believed when she says how much she loves her family.

While this represents an important shift in LDS culture, many of us remember conference talks, gossip in wards, and families that shamed women away from dreams, promptings, impressions, and inspiration under the guise that “good mothers don’t do paid work.” Some may argue, “Yes, women were encouraged to stay home in the past, but we have progressed since then and there is room for working women in God’s kingdom.” I would argue that while Camille Johnson’s leadership and openness about her career is a good step, the shaming of working LDS women is alive and well, and it isn’t generational, and it isn’t just mothers. But before I share the findings of my research, I also think it’s important to talk about my own experience as a working mother.

In September of 2015, I suddenly became a widow, at the age of 32, when my husband had a fatal car accident while driving to work one morning. I quickly learned the importance of having a skill set outside of the home, but not just because tragedies happen. Prior to his death, I worked two days a week. For about a year prior to my husband’s death, I had felt a strong desire to return to school to get a PhD. I had no clue how I would do that while running a private therapy practice and caring for two young children under 3. When he died, I finally began to understand what to do with this strong impression. I applied to school and started my doctoral degree about a year after my husband’s death. That year in the wake of his death was the hardest year of my life. Having meaningful work and an uninterrupted resume allowed me to step into the role of breadwinner with confidence and purpose. Having my own way of contributing to society wasn’t just a way to make some vacation money (as some working women have been accused of). It was vital to my emotional and mental health to have a sense of purpose and fulfillment outside of my marriage to hold on to when experiencing such a great loss.

One thing that struck me as I pursued my doctoral degree was the level of support I received from both members of the church and my family. I truly felt like I had so many who supported me and believed in me. As someone who participates in several working women groups on Facebook, I noticed that many LDS women do not experience support for their careers. The loss of my husband shifted everyone’s perspective from considering my pursuit of additional education to be a frivolous endeavor to an act of strength in the face of tragedy. This chasm spurred me to conduct a research study with LDS women to see what conflict around women’s paid work looks like. This study is now published in the Journal of Feminist Family Therapy (Lucero Jones, 2023). Note that the study itself focuses on and describes the process by which women navigate conflict concerning their paid work in their families. This blog post will not reproduce that content due to copyright restrictions. For the purposes of this blog post, I will highlight five important take aways to consider as we continue to have a conversation about women’s paid work in LDS culture.

1. Messages discouraging paid work come from all generations, it is not a generational issue. Let me repeat that, the shaming of women’s paid work comes from all generations. It comes from siblings, cousins, in-laws, parents, grandparents, and ward members. The only relationship where the other person did not shame the woman was the marital relationship. Not a single woman of the 215 participants said that they did not have the support of their husband.

Of those who voiced opposition to a woman’s paid work, it was often communicated in passive aggressive ways. The most painful and misdirected thing people said to a working woman is statements such as, “I could never let someone else raise my kids” (referring to the use of daycare) (Lucero Jones, 2023). This comment is shaming and insinuates that working parents don’t raise their children. This misunderstanding of childcare is pervasive in LDS culture and demonstrates how work is perceived as antithetical to good mothering, yet similar statements are never made to working men.

2. LDS women who work have either had profound experiences with God guiding them to their profession, or for those who work but don’t want to, they feel immense resentment toward husbands who cannot be sole providers (Lucero Jones, 2023). This suggests that the counsel for mothers to stay home also shames men who choose professions that are not as lucrative and creates resentment in the marriage.

3. Even single women are often warned or discouraged from any work that might interfere with finding a spouse. Women talked about how they “sensed foreboding conflict as family members assumed that they would quit working after having children” (Lucero Jones, 2023). I found it interesting to learn how single women often felt that others were anxious about how their work might be the reason they weren’t married and made assumptions about whether they were creating space for a partner.

4. Families feel so much shame about their working daughters. Women who were not able to work through conflict with their families often reported that they learned to just not talk about work (Lucero Jones, 2023). So many families must feel so much shame that they can’t even ask a woman about her work or rejoice in her promotions or hard work. Even worse, families not only avoid talking about a woman’s work, but they also often make hurtful comments that suggest that they rejoice in a woman’ failures and greedily await the day when the working woman’s children have problems (Lucero Jones, 2023).

5. Change in the LDS church will not happen from the bottom up. While this may sound like a “duh” finding due to the patriarchal and hierarchical nature of the church, it is important. Women who work report that they have often been inspired or prompted by the Spirit or God to work (Lucero Jones, 2023). The shame and judgment hurled upon them has not been easy to navigate, but many of these women are certain that their pursuit of education and/or work has been a righteous one. Yet, even as more women work, whether that be part-time or full-time, they struggle to identify as a working mom when such a title has been misaligned to mean a mother who doesn’t love or prioritize her family. My research study revealed that often conflicts surrounding a woman’s choice to work were rooted in a firm conviction for both parties, where working women had conviction in their personal revelation and families had conviction in the words of church leaders (Lucero Jones, 2023). The lack of consensus among church leaders in their rhetoric provides a breeding ground for such conflicts within families.

I hope that these five takeaways help us to have a productive conversation about the current state of affairs for working women in the church. It’s unfortunate that despite efforts by Mormon feminists and increases in the amount of women working outside of the home, women’s paid work continues to be a point of shame for so many families in the church. Maybe having Camille Johnson in the spotlight symbolically signals that that there is a place for working women. I also hope that top church leaders will directly challenge the idea that only women who stay home can be good. Until then, working women can validate one another’s experiences of a culture that has been antagonistic to them and continue this conversation that challenges the erasure of women’s lived experiences with church prescribed gender roles.

Lucero Jones, R. (2023). Gender, religion, and employment: How LDS working women navigate familial conflict concerning their paid work. Journal of Feminist Family Therapy, 35(1), 24-54.