Exponent II's Blog, page 59

Happy Immigrant Heritage Month!

June is Immigrant Heritage Month! As a second-generation immigrant and adult convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have to say the Mormon relationship with immigrant identity is quite complicated. I was shocked when I joined the Church to meet so many members who proudly lauded their European immigrant pioneer ancestors and then minutes later bemoaned how modern-day immigrants were somehow ruining their country.

Immigration was crucial to the survival of the early restored Church, and the Church even paid passage for many European immigrants to come to America. According to the official Church History entry on “The Convert Immigrants”: “As the Church spread through Europe, tens of thousands of new converts emigrated to America, leaving everything behind them for their faith and desire to be with fellow members. Of the 60,000 to 70,000 Saints who emigrated to the Salt Lake Valley in the late 1800s, more than 98 percent of the survivors were from Europe, and 75 percent were from Britain. The British converts began to emigrate with the arrival of Brigham Young to Britain in 1840. As American members faced persecution, new European members brought strength and refreshment. ‘They have so much of the spirit of gathering,’ Brigham said, ‘that they would go if they knew they would die as soon as they got there or if they knew that the mob would be upon them and drive them as soon as they got there.’”

These immigrant pioneers – some of my own ancestors among them – were not uncomplicated heroes. When they settled in America, they did not simply take up unoccupied land but rather destroyed ways of life and territory and nature that were crucial for Native Americans’ survival. The Black Hawk War is a perfect example of the consequences: “The Black Hawk Indian War was the longest and most destructive conflict between pioneer immigrants and Native Americans in Utah History…The Black Hawk War erupted as a result of the pressures white expansion brought to Native American populations. White settlement of Utah altered crucial ecosystems and helped destroy Indian subsistence patterns which caused starvation. Those who did not starve often succumbed to European diseases. Contemporary sources indicate that Indian populations in Utah in the 1860s were plummeting at frightening rates. White efforts to establish reservations contributed additional pressures” (posted on the official website of the State of Utah).

All of us have immigrant heritage connected to our past in some way, whether by bloodline or lived experience or encounters with immigrants. Unfortunately, many people try to oversimplify the immigrant experience and treat immigrants like they’re not unique people with diverse backgrounds. Just like non-immigrants, immigrants have hopes and dreams and flaws and people they care about and things they regret and reasons for the choices they make and prejudices.

That being said, there are some horrible pervasive modern myths about immigrants that need to be dispelled. Let’s all take the occasion of Immigrant Heritage Month to help correct the record. For example, immigrants are less likely than non-immigrants in the United States to commit crimes, and immigrant men are more likely than their U.S.-born counterparts of a similar education level to be employed, married with children, and in good health (source: Stanford University Institute for Economic Policy Research). Immigrants also strengthen the economy and are more likely than U.S.-born workers to create jobs, creating more new jobs than they fill (source: George W. Bush Institute). Of course, immigrants shouldn’t have to employ people or be married or healthy to be deserving of respect and welcome, especially from people who claim to try to follow the example of Christ. But the contradictory reality shows these frenzied, panicked arguments about immigrants were never about facts but rather about fear of the other. 

In our family, we have immigrants who moved for many reasons: for work, for love, for refuge, and for faith. I honor their choice and their sacrifice, which made my life and the lives of so many people I love possible. I am saddened that so many immigrants today still have to deal with those nasty, untrue narratives about what they do to a society, when generation after generation shows that any community would be lucky to have immigrants contributing to the economy, raising families, devoting themselves to public service, and helping build up the kingdom of God. As 2 Nephi 26:33 says, the Lord “inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him.” Who are we to turn away those whom the Lord does not deny? It takes arrogance, pride, and a lack of faith to be a xenophobic nativist. 

We members of the Church emphasize our family history, and I believe it’s healthy to reflect on one’s ancestors and descendants (whether literal or metaphorical). We are all part of something larger that came before and hopefully will contribute to what comes after us. We inherit and will pass on both good and bad things, advantages and disadvantages. But hopefully by applying some thoughtful attention and intention to our own perspectives and lives, we can understand all parts of ourselves – including our immigrant heritage – with a little more nuance.

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Guest Post: Human First, Latter-day Saint Second

by Candice Wendt

I used to have walls of superiority and certainty built up around me. I believed I performed better in the premortal life than most other people around me. In exchange for my valiance, God granted me a life in the one true faith. My religion gave me access to mysteries of the universe that felt like a wonderful secret others didn’t know.

I brought proselytizing motives frequently into friendships and acquaintanceships. The desire to convince others of my worldview motivated a lot of my social behaviors. I saw non-LDS peoples’ lives as inadequate without the restored gospel.

Sad things were often not as troubling to me as they seemed to my non-member relations because I asserted that in the long run, everything was going to be okay. I didn’t know how to sit in questioning or mourning with others, even within my faith group.

I assumed my neighbor who lost his testimony must have fallen into sinful behavior. I blamed others’ personal faults for them leaving the faith. When I talked to these people, I secretly hoped I could do or say something to bring them back.

Across my walls, genuine sharing didn’t happen much because I assumed I knew better than others. When friends shared about spiritual searching, I looked down on them as one-down from me.

I showed up as a Latter-day Saint first. This layer of my identity dominated my intentions and responses. Sometimes friends became aware of this and withdrew. Others perhaps thought I was just more keen on social connection than I actually was.

I don’t think I was consistently a poor friend or that I didn’t care about other people. But as I look back, I was too interested in manipulating others’ beliefs to become more like my own. I wish I had learned at an earlier age to truly respect and love individuals who are religiously and spiritually different from me.

Teachings that my religion was superior and also a signal of God’s favor proved harmful; these things are what constructed my walls. I now see these ideas as contrary to Christ’s teachings, including his commandment to love our neighbors just as we love ourselves. I assume the people who taught me these things did so because they wanted me to feel special, empowered, and safe and confident in my faith. I don’t want to blame them, but now I can see the blind spots and hazards that come with such approaches. It’s something to move forward and away from.

Both spirituality and relationships are better without such walls.

A few years ago my walls started deteriorating. A few big changes in my life were instrumental in this. My kids started reaching adolescence and thinking more independently, LDS women in my life started sharing their experiences of faith perplexity, and I started doing interfaith work professionally in an urban center where Latter-day Saints are about one in a thousand.

At first it felt like my religious self was dying. It felt horrible to accept that church wasn’t striking much of a chord with my kids. As I supported a friend undergoing a faith crisis sparked by the details of Joseph Smith’s polygamy, it was awful to finally study this history at length myself. And it was difficult to start doing spiritual work in a place where my faith tradition was bizarre and obscure to most people.

Through all this, I didn’t lose my faith. In fact, I had powerful faith-based spiritual experiences during this period. My spiritual faculties expanded, both those related to pleasant emotions and more difficult ones. As Matthew Wickman describes in his spiritual memoir Life to the Whole Being, as we work to develop our spiritual sensibilities more, this not only increases our capacities for joy and fulfillment, but also enhances our capacities to connect with others and to care about them and their pain, as well as to better see our own limitations and other truths about ourselves (pgs. 66-68).

My fences of superiority falling down has let me love and support others in ways I could not envision or enact before. For the first time in my life, I have shown up as human first, everything else second. Just a fellow struggling person who cares about others’ inner lives and circumstances. Showing up this way has enabled moments of great care and connection.

An acquaintance told me about the day his dad told him that neither Santa Claus or God were real. We talked about the grief and existential fear he felt, and how since that day he hasn’t found a way to have faith. I felt love for him sitting with him in what he experienced spiritually.

A connection of mine flew across the continent to support her girlfriend while the girlfriend’s mother passed after her fight with cancer. The partner’s family treated them with disrespect and exclusion due to them being a same-sex couple. I felt love for her as I validated the complex emotions and situations she went through during that difficult time.

A Muslim man joined my team. I felt the strong spirit of kindness and intelligence he brought. We had wonderful conversations about life and faith and he taught me a little about Sufism, the mystical dimension of Islam.

I started having thoughtful and sometimes humorous conversations with friends who have left the LDS faith community without needing to judge them and bring any ulterior motives. I started validating my kids’ concerns about religion and stopped having an agenda for their spiritual lives. This brought us closer together and they told me they felt more loved by me.

A Chinese student who was once converted to Christianity by American missionaries but then became critical of the faith due to blindspots and problems with colonialism wrote me a letter telling me how despite our different cultural backgrounds, our conversations made her feel tightly connected with me as two two people with similar personalities and hearts.

A young man came to the multi-faith space I work in and described how in-between spaces that affirm the value of spiritual searching are sacred to him. He said half of his family is atheist and the other half orthodox Jewish, he is the only one right in the middle of the two. The orthodox Jewish half rejected him because he is gay. The other half couldn’t understand why he spent time studying Jewish texts and symbols. As we shared experiences from our lives, I felt a strong spirit of understanding between us. He gifted me a watercolor painting of pine trees he painted himself that made me think of some of my first spiritual experiences as a young child playing in forests in the Pacific Northwest.

Never has being yoked with Christ been so light. Never before have I as meek, kind, or humble. My heart is no longer walled up; now it can stretch however widely may be needed to imagine and embrace the totality of human yearnings and spiritual experiences. None of this has required forfeiting or compromising my ongoing Latter-day Saint identity, faith, or spirituality– to the contrary, the transformation has expanded and refined my capacities to love and reach others as a follower of Jesus.

I can see my efforts to bridge ideological and other divides with love can do much more good to help the Church in its work to help God’s children through their mortal journeys than my old walled-up stance of superiority ever did.

Now that the walls have fallen, I love seeing that despite differences, we’re all in this experience of being human together. We are all facing comparable fascinating and rewarding questions about what it means to be alive, how to find meaning, and how to live and love. How joyful it is to come to truly believe and feel that God is just as loving toward and invested in people of all walks of life as God is toward me. How wonderful to finally find space to stretch out my hands to others.

Candice Wendt is a staff member of McGill University’s Office of Religious and Spiritual Life and a contributing editor at Wayfare. She holds a Master’s degree from BYU in comparative humanities studies. She is an introvert who became friendly by speaking and performing music at church and doing missionary work :).

A vision of women with power and authority

Last summer my family and the bishop squeezed into the small ward clerk’s office so that my daughters could be set apart for their callings in Young Women’s. After the first one was blessed, she sat in the chair looking for direction on what to do next. The tradition that I grew up with was that after a blessing you would shake hands with all the men in the prayer circle and maybe hug your dad. Pandemic isolation meant that my daughters didn’t know this tradition. Instead of the handshakes, the bishop directed my daughters to give me a hug. He said something like: “We couldn’t do church work without mothers”. I appreciated this gesture and the hugs. It was so much better than just being there watching. And yet…the Young Women leaders, the women supposedly given the power and authority to run the Young Women organization to which my daughters were called, didn’t even need to be in the room to witness.

I substitute taught in Relief Society a few months ago. We happened to have a new Relief Society president sustained in Sacrament meeting that day. I knew that the bishop would be coming in to set her apart at some time during my lesson. I’m an experienced teacher and I can roll with interruptions. However, not all lessons can be interrupted at all points. I thought the bishop would come near the beginning of my lesson, but he didn’t show up. I thought maybe he’d forgotten. He ended up poking his head in the door at the peak of my lesson: I had just created a space for sisters to safely share vulnerable stories so that we could mourn with those who mourn. I shook my head ‘no’, and the not-yet-set-apart president stepped out to tell him to come back later. Getting to that point in my lesson required planning with a specific goal in mind. An interruption there would have broken the emotional synchronicity I’d created in the class. There is nothing built in to the setting apart ceremony that creates a similar synchronicity, but the ritual could be more powerful if it did. Currently, a setting apart typically happens either as an interruption during class time or when a bishopric member passes you in the hall and someone remembers that it’s supposed to be done.

I want the setting apart ritual to be a communal experience. I like when it’s supposed to be done during a meeting. This can create an opportunity for a shared, unifying experience during what can be an emotional transition for the community. However, that experience has to be created, just like the safe space in my lesson had to be created. Simply popping in whenever to complete the check boxes from the handbook doesn’t typically create that kind of space. It’s hard for, say, a Relief Society to plan such an experience because a setting apart is dependent on men who don’t typically attend the meeting and who often have other responsibilities elsewhere in the building.

Screenshot from the current Handbook.

Sister Dennis’s Relief Society Devotional talk got so many church members talking about women’s power and authority (or lack thereof) in the church. After her talk, I had a dream. In the dream, I was called to be a Relief Society teacher. I did not want to be set apart in the usual way, pulled aside in the hallway. I did not want the class interrupted by a man at some random time. I didn’t want the standard unidirectional hands-on-head setting apart. What did I want? I wanted there to be a ritual during the Relief Society meeting to mark my new responsibilities as a teacher. I wanted the whole of the meeting to be a space created by the Relief Society presidency. I wanted the Relief Society president to actually preside over the organization. (The current handbook lists the bishop first under the title “Relief Society Leaders”.) I wanted for the Relief Society president to use her own power and authority to make changes to the organization. In the dream, we chose to mark the occasion by what we called a dedication. I stood with the president at the front of the room. We faced each other, clasping forearms—hers on top, mine on bottom. She voiced her reasons for asking me to fill the role as teacher, as well as the direction she envisioned I would take our community. Then I voiced my hopes for what I would do and my willingness to dedicate a portion of my life to this pursuit. She accepted this dedication and said a blessing prayer.

How I envisioned clasping arms during the dedication ritual.

It was such a beautiful dream. I love the idea of this ritual. I like that it makes a space for the leader to publicly explain why they are doing what they are doing. I like that the person being called is an active participant. The form of rituals matters. The form of this dedication is not top down; it invites participation as a peer. There is still “laying on of hands”, but it goes both ways. This form acknowledges the power of the person being called. There is still hierarchy because the leader’s hands are on top, but the two people’s arms have nearly equal positions. This ritual would allow both participants to see and honor each other’s priesthood power. It would be incredible to see female leaders authoritatively set apart or dedicate people to serve in their organization. That’s not currently handbook approved. While this ritual is not enumerated in the handbook, I see no reason why it couldn’t be done right now, in addition to the current setting apart from the men. It would just take women ready to use their power to create a communal spiritual experience.

Praying to Heavenly Mother

A few years ago, kneeling by my bed at night, I asked Heavenly Father if it was OK to pray to Heavenly Mother. I remember an immediate, visceral sense of dis-ease as soon as I’d uttered those words. Message received–I continued praying as I’d been taught, fearful that I was flirting with something dangerous.

 A couple of years ago, inspired by my studies, I tried out the pronoun “They” when referring to God. I tried it once and felt almost queasy and disconnected from God. As I had those years prior, I ran from those things. See, I knew what those feelings meant: Not-good feelings=thing is not of God. I knew this. I have been taught this. I have taught it. I have experienced it. 

It took years of reflection, examination, listening to smart people and coming to know God differently–it took gaining spiritual maturity that a mission, various callings, attending the temple and bearing my testimony had not given me–to recognize that feeling of dis-ease did not mean, “This is bad.” Rather, it was a gut reaction as I actively went against things I had been taught my entire life. It was my lizard brain rejecting my rejection, however small, of something that had always been a part of me. That wasn’t the Spirit. It was discomfort and fear of the unknown and, perhaps, the known–the knowledge that I was stepping over a line that the leaders of the church had made clear was unacceptable.

The biblical case for a divine feminine

Heavenly Mother shouldn’t be so unfamiliar to me. She and her identities have been around for millennia. 

Consider the Hebrew Bible (the Christian Old Testament). There are a few mentions of Asherah–derogatory mentions along with the likes of Baal; there are celebrations when her heathen symbols are knocked down (1 Kings 18:19, 2 Kings 23:4-7). However, many scholars believe Asherah was the consort of Yahweh–his wife, his partner, his equal. In the Women’s Bible Commentary, Cameron B.R. Howard suggests that Huldah was a prophet of Asherah (p. 178). In the southern kingdom of Judea, scholar Susan Ackerman asserts, the people believed that the king, chosen by divine right, had Yahweh as his adoptive father and Asherah as his adoptive mother. Worship of Asherah was led by the queen mother (Ackerman, 187).

Jewish feminists believe in the Shekhinah, the divine feminine whose name comes from the Hebrew word that means “to dwell.” I have read that the Shekhinah was the spirit that provided a cloud during the day and pillar of fire by night for the Israelites as they fled Egypt. Author Melissa Raphael in “The Female Face of God in Auschwitz” writes of how women in death camps found the Shekhinah in a place where they did not find a male god. This represents a different kind of deity and a different relationship with her people.

Another introduction of God-She is that of Wisdom (sophia in Greek, chokman in Hebrew); Woman Wisdom plays the role of mediator between Yahweh and Israel–a role traditionally played by the king and included proclaiming God’s will to the people (Schüssler Fiorenza,133-4).

In But She Said, Elizabeth Schüssler Fiorenza discussed the teachings of Hildegarde of Bingen (one of our foremothers who is worth looking up if you’re unfamiliar–she was a rock star); Hildegarde envisioned G-d Sophia as a creative power and atmosphere that enfolded and quickened in ceaseless motion and dance that was within the world (158).

Other, even older traditions tell of a divine feminine, a mother goddess who is the foundation of heaven and earth. Indigenous traditions have foundational stories of individual women who created and led and brought divinity to the people. Tribes teach of a Sacred Feminine, which does not lay out gender roles but rather express the wholeness that can be found when feminine and masculine work in concert with each other. One of the earliest creation stories is found in the Enûma Elish, a Babylonian epic that details the creator goddess Tiamat, who is eventually killed by another god, who then uses her mutilated corpse to create the Earth.

Then where did she go?

In the last several millennia, the divine feminine has been excised from the Bible–sometimes clumsily, by poor translations, errors in storytelling, lost pages and misunderstandings–but more often intentionally, through omissions and revising so the Hebrew Bible would tell a story of a people led by a single male God and the New Testament would reinforce that founding patriarchal mythology. The King James Version of the Bible, the LDS Church’s chosen interpretation, is one of the worst biblical offenders of reinforcing patriarchy.

Bible translations, and religion in general–well, an increasing number of denominations and individuals in Judaism and Christianity–are making conscious efforts to create a more inclusive religion. That means Bible translations that use “he and she,” “men and women,” “my brothers and sisters” instead of using only male nouns and pronouns. Feminist biblical scholars are using midrash to give women in the Bible stories, names, voices and agency. All of us who have read the Bible and wondered where we as women fit are now finding, or creating, places where we fit. We are claiming the legacies of our foremothers, and it is a beautiful thing.

But there is a red line, and that red line is making God female. 

Scholar Burton H. Throckmorton, who was part of a committee that completed an inclusive translation of the New Testament and the Psalms, talked about how people welcomed the gender-inclusive language of biblical characters and readers but threw up strong opposition, bordering on hysterical, to God-She. And the problem with that, he said, is that the foundation of patriarchy is not that men are the decision-makers in the church, although that is true. But that is built on the unbending belief that God is male. That is the real foundation of patriarchy. Men are in charge because God is male. Men receive revelation because a male God speaks to them. Male is correct, it is the norm, it is the head. Female is the Other.

“The bottom line is that we can be as inclusive of each other as our language will allow, but it remains that case that if we are permitted to perceive God only through male metaphors and on male analogies, nothing will have changed.

“The assumptions we make about ourselves and the assumptions we make about God all fit into and are determined by the patriarchal construct we have all inherited. this means that if we are to be inclusive in our language about ourselves, and renounce androcentric language with reference to human beings, we must oppose the construct of patriarchalism, and all androcentric language that derives from it, not only in reference to human beings, but also in reference to God, for it is our theology that ultimately legitimates our practice, and thus it is our God-language that validates our language about each other. Our practice and our intentions are grounded in our assumptions about God” (177-181).

Reclaiming or resurrecting or maybe just recognizing the divine feminine

A book I read recently, written by a woman looking for a greater God than she was taught, routinely used female pronouns to refer to God. It felt both unfamiliar and right at the same time. Another book I read just a couple of weeks later, written by a woman also looking for a different relationship wit God, asks the reader to picture God and says, “what does he look like?” It is both familiar and jarring at the same time.

A couple of months ago, I knelt by my bed to pray: “Dear Heavenly Mother and Father, …” The reaction wasn’t as visceral, but I still felt uncomfortable. This time, I powered through. It was both familiar and unfamiliar, jarring and right. I didn’t remember to include Her every time, sometimes catching myself mid-prayer to add, “oh, and Heavenly Mother. I don’t know why I forgot you … wait, yes, I do …”

I asked Canva’s AI generator to give me a picture of God. This is what I get: an old, bearded, white man standing among the clouds. There is nothing surprising here. The top image is what I got when I asked it for an image of the divine feminin

Do you pray to Heavenly Mother? Individually, as a family, in church meetings? Please share your experiences. I have not yet prayed to her in a group, and I don’t know how it will go.

Sources:

Ackerman, Susan. “The Queen Mother and the Cult in Ancient Israel.” In Women in the Hebrew Bible: A Reader, edited by Alice Bach, Routledge, 1999, pp. 180-194.

Schüssler Fiorenza, Elizabeth. But She Said: Feminist Practices of Biblical Interpretation. Beacon Press, Boston: 1992.

Schüssler Fiorenza, Elizabeth. Jesus: Miriam’s Child, Sophia’s Prophet: Critical Issues in Feminist Christology. Continuum, New York City: 1994.

Throckmorton, Burton H. “Why The New Testament and Psalms: An Inclusive Version.” In Escaping Eden:  New Feminist Perspectives on the Bible, edited by Harold C. Washington, Susan Lochrie Graham and Pamela Thimmes, Sheffield Academic Press, Washington Square, NY: 1999. pp. 177-181.

PRIDE MONTH: Convos with my kids

A few months ago I posted about how important it is that parents teach their kids that they will accept them no matter what their sexual and gender identification is. You can read that post here: https://exponentii.org/blog/do-your-k.... I hope that you create atmospheres in your home where your kids know you’ll accept them no matter what their sexual or gender identity is.

Since it’s pride month, I thought I’d share a couple conversations I’ve had with my kids over the past few months or year or so that have me thinking deeper about how my kids may or may not be feeling accepted in different parts of their lives. Note that these conversations are to the best of my memory and my be slightly off. But each left me with feels that I thought I’d document.

Convo with my kid who was then 12 years old:

Me: Did you know that gay marriage wasn’t legal across the country when you were little?

12 year old: Wait, what?

Me: When you were born, a woman was not legally allowed to marry a woman and a man was not legally allowed to marry a man.

12 year old: Seriously?

Me: Yes, seriously. It wasn’t until you were three that it became legal across the country.

12 year old: WHY?

It is so obvious to my kid that the “right” thing is to allow people to marry those they love. It’s absolutely absurd to her that it was ever illegal. I wish it never had been illegal. But I love that we’re raising a new generation who will fight for the rights of marginalized groups. I hope that my daughter never stops asking “why?” when it comes to inequality.

Convo with the same kid:

12 year old: The fireside was kind of weird today.

Me: How so?

12 year old: He just kept talking about how gender is like something we have forever and we really need to really think about how our gender is forever and that we’re special because of our gender.

Me: Huh. What do you think the point of it was?

12 year old: I have no idea at all.

Me: I’m guessing they were trying to say that transgender people are making a choice and that it’s a wrong choice.

12 year old: Yes! I think that’s what they were trying to say. But I don’t get it.

Me: I don’t get it either. If this person actually believes that being transgender is immoral, what purpose does talking about it in front of teenagers have? If one of you is transgender, all he’s doing is sending a message that he doesn’t love you and you are likely to feel depressed, not change your mind about your gender. Shouldn’t we be sending messages of love instead?

Seriously, what is the purpose of topics like this at church? It feels like we need to help leaders realize that ACCEPTANCE and LOVE are needed. Whatever your religious beliefs, if you believe in supporting youth and improving their mental health and reducing suicide rates, then show acceptance and love. Otherwise you’re going to worsen the mental health crisis and increase suicide rates.

9 year old was preparing for her Oregon Battle of the Books competition and we were going over who, from her list, had read each of the books. One of the books The List of Things that Will Not Change by Rebecca Stead is about a kid whose parents got divorced before the book started and her dad gets engaged to be married to another man during the book. The book deals with family changes and what it’s like for her to be learning to get along with a stepsister and all the things that come with welcoming a new step parent into your life. It normalizes gay marriage in a very refreshing way while also showing that family changes can be hard for a kid. Convo about that book on the list:

9 year old: [friend name] said her mom won’t let her read this book.

Me: Why not?

9 year old: [friend name] says her mom says it’s inappropriate.

Me: Why?

9 year old: I think it’s because the dad is marrying another dad. 

I don’t remember what I said to my kid at the time. I just know that I can’t figure out any logical reason to call this book inappropriate. And it breaks my heart that a parent would be so against a book like this. What if my daughter’s friend is queer or realizes she is in the coming years? She is already internalizing a message that her parents don’t approve. I can’t imagine how hard that would be for her. And even if she doesn’t ever identify as LGBTQIA+, she’s being taught to judge others and not approve of entire family systems. That’s harsh! And, even if you believe gay marriage is a sin (which I believe there’s much more room for love in God’s kingdom, but that’s beside the point), are you actually not interested in learning how to be empathetic to a kid who is going through family changes and experiencing those emotions? [Note: Though I wouldn’t be surprised if Mormon families are banning this book, the friend my daughter was talking about is not Mormon, her family participates in another Christian religion.]

I feel like these conversations show that while some things are improving (I love that my kid was shocked that gay marriage was only recently legalized), other things aren’t improving fast enough. 

What conversations are you having with your kids? How are things changing for the better? How are things still stagnant?

Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

Vol. 43 No. 4 — Spring 2024

COVER ART — “Strands of Sisterhood Secured” by Page Turner
Assemblage sculpture from found and handmade objects, 24 x 18 x 1 in. Visual blessing text at the end of the Table of Contents.
pageturnerstudios.com | @pageturnerstudios

LETTER FROM EDITOR “50 Years: A Reunion Issue” by Rachel Rueckert

ESSAY “An Existential Question” by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

ESSAY “What I Owe Exponent II” by Nancy Tate Dredge

ESSAY “When Sisters Speak” by Judy Dushku

ESSAY “A Record Shall Be Kept” by Claudia Lauper Bushman

ESSAY “Celebrating 50 Years of Exponent II” by Grethe Ballif Peterson

ESSAY “Exponent II Gave Me Feminist Friends” by Diane McKinney Kellogg

ESSAY “Courage, Integrity, Competency” by Helen Claire Sievers

ESSAY “50 Years Later Still a ‘Smart Person’” by Marti Sorensen Lythgoe

ESSAY “What 50 Years of Exponent II Have Meant to Me” by Cherie Taylor Pedersen

ESSAY “Reared on the Laps of the Matriarchs” by Linda Hoffman Kimball

ESSAY “Stumbling across Exponent II” by Robin Zenger Baker

ESSAY “Bold, Clear, Confident” by Jenny Atkinson

ESSAY “Retreat: Reflect, Reinvent, Reunite, Renew” by Heather Sundahl

ESSAY “Origins of Exponent Retreat Quilts” by Kirsten Campbell

ESSAY “A Love Letter to the Retreat” by Emily Fisher Gray

ESSAY “Greener Pastures Don’t Need Me” by April Young-Bennett

ESSAY “Sisterhood” by Sherrie Gavin

ESSAY “An Exponent II Daughter” by Anne Lara (Annie) Dredge Kuntz

ESSAY “Into the Woods” by Lindsay Denton

ESSAY “Exponent II, My Community” by Lori LeVar Pierce

ESSAY “How Exponent II Helped Me Become the Woman I Always Wanted to Be” by Alma Frances Pellett

ESSAY “Mary and Martha” by Margaret Olsen Hemming

ESSAY “How I Came to Co-Write Fifty Years of Exponent II” by Katie Ludlow Rich

HISTORY “Early Production of the Paper” by Katie Ludlow Rich

HISTORY “Poets Remembered” by Ann Gardner Stone, Emma Lou Thayne, Helen Candland Stark, Linda Sillitoe, Margaret Rampton Munk

HISTORY “Diary Excerpts” by Carol Lynn Pearson

HISTORY “A History of Artwork in Exponent II” by Nancy Ross

HISTORY “Highlights from the Blog” by Ann Moulton Johnson, April Young-Bennett, Abby Maxwell Hansen

HISTORY “Keeping a Record: The Journey of Digitizing the New, Entire Exponent II Collection” by Carol Ann Litster Young

ESSAY “50 Years of the Exponent II Paper Almost Wasn’t So” by Karen Call Haglund

ESSAY Excerpt from “Creativity: A Constant Renewal” by Susan Elizabeth Howe

ESSAY “Capturing Feathers” by Cheryl Davis DiVito

ESSAY “A Bright Light” by Roslyn (Roz) Udall

ESSAY “I Wouldn’t Have Cared if Exponent II Were Published on Paper Towels” by Karen Rosenbaum

ESSAY “Just What I Needed” by Sue Booth-Forbes (formerly Paxman)

ESSAY “The Sisterhood That So Lovingly Saw Me Through” by Barbara Streeper Taylor

ESSAY “Just Do It!” by Naomi Horne

ESSAY “Permission” by Anja Shafer

ESSAY “A Friend I Can Take Anywhere” by Emily Parker Updegraff

ESSAY “Finding Exponent II, Finding Myself” by Caroline Kline

ESSAY “It is All Trust — All Gift” by Aimee Evans Hickman

ESSAY “Change is Slow, Patience is Necessary, Mistakes Are Part of the Process” by Emily Clyde Curtis

ESSAY “A Tribute to Exponent On Your 50th Anniversary” by Allison Pingree

ESSAY “What Exponent Means to Me” by Sylvia Cabus

ESSAY “I Would Not Be Who I Am, or Where I Am, Without It” by Katrina Vinck Baker

ESSAY “Three Generations” by Deon S. Turley

ESSAY “I Can Now Stand Confidently In My Path” by Tirza Davis

ESSAY “Hope in the Goodness of Friendship” by Julie Theriault

ESSAY “How Do You Say Thank You?” by Cynthia W. Connell

POETRY “Exponent:” by Melody Newey Johnson

POETRY “Cambridge, 1974:” by Abby Parcel

POETRY “No Need to Knock” by Dayna Patterson

POETRY “The Great She Is” by Rachel Hunt

EDITORIAL STAFF 

Editor-in-Chief
Rachel Rueckert

Managing Editor
Carol Ann Litster Young

Art Editor
Rocio Cisneros

Layout Designer & Editor
Rosie Gochnour Serago

Fiction Editor
C. Chanel Earl

Blog Feature Editor
Natasha Rogers

Book Reviews Editor
Ynna Padilla

Poetry Editor
Abby Parcell

Sabbath Pastorals Editor
Nicole Sbitani

Women’s Theology Editor
Eliza Wells

EXECUTIVE BOARD

President
Lori LeVar Pierce

Vice President & Secretary
Lindsay Denton

Treasurer
Jeanine Bean

Members
Andee Bowden, Carol Ann Litster Young, Jessica Gray, Natasha Rogers, Nancy Ross, Rachel Rueckert, Rosie Gochnour Serago, Heather Sundahl

ADDITIONAL STAFF

History and Editorial Support
Katie Ludlow Rich

50th Anniversary Logo Designer
Gloria Pak

Art Community Ambassador
Page Turner

Subscription Manager
Gwen Volmar

Proofreaders
Kami Coppins, Hannah Mortenson, Cherie Pedersen, Karen Rosenbaum

Strands of Sisterhood Secured: A Visual Blessing
PAGE TURNER

Sisterhood is a force — the power that holds us together — connecting each of us through threads that weave and stretch and are strong. The sisterhood cultivated by Exponent II was born from the threads severed by patriarchy, buried and hidden for generations. These severed connections — retied, bundled anew — are secured with the wisdom of our foremothers. This glue that holds the stars in the heavens restored the touchstone of our sisterhood.

I made this “Visual Blessing” for the cover of the 50th anniversary issue of Exponent II. A women’s blessing, offered through visual medium rather than verbal. An act I claim from Emma, Eliza, and Pheobe; Claudia, Laurel, and Judith, Caroline, Aimee, and Rachel. This work reflects my personal experience with finding Exponent II a decade ago, connecting me with a community that is both contemporary and solidly grounded in our women’s history. I am inspired reading the words and work of my sisters who, like me, were severed from the knowledge of our history and power but now reclaim and restore so that it will not be lost again. When I found Exponent II, I truly felt that I had found my place where I am seen, my story heard and celebrated. Working as art editor during my tenure gave me an opportunity to find and connect with artists. Dare I say, I have been bundled with them. This artist solidarity allows me to continue to pull these threads that are our sisterhood and add a few threads of my own. Adding to the support and strength of our sisterhood, I stand on the shoulders of strong sisters — securing our sisterhood. Page has served as art editor and art community ambassador for Exponent II since 2015. This piece, like much of her artwork, draws on collected materials that reflect her own sacred spaces while inviting other women to search for their own. Instagram: @pageturnerstudios

“50 Years: A Reunion Issue” by Rachel Rueckert

Once upon a time, a twenty-something woman attended — at her best friend’s invitation— an Exponent II retreat. The twenty-something felt magic the moment she stepped onto the carpet of pine needles and inhaled the fresh air and even fresher conversations. Home. A powerful, reverberating word for a person who’d struggled all her life to know such a wild thing. The twenty-something spotted a sign-up sheet for magazine volunteers. She inked her name. Then, taking a steadying breath, she defied her shy nature to introduce herself to the current editor-in-chief of Exponent II. Because though she was young, and not-at-all-wise or qualified in the ways she saw in the incredible people around her, she needed more of that magic. She felt hungry for friendship and matriarchs and eager to learn from this newfound community. She didn’t conceive it within the realm of possibility that she herself would ever serve as the editor someday, standing on the shoulders of these giants.

This is my story, but maybe — in certain aspects — it is also your story. However personally impactful, especially knowing that I serve as editor alongside that same best friend, Carol Ann, I know my journey and the details are not unique. We come from all corners of the world and stages of life and find each other in person or online or through written words. Together, we listen and build and iterate, sharing voices in “an atmosphere of trust and acceptance.” Whoever you are, and whenever you read this in the fabric of time, life brought you to this space. I’m so glad for it. We’re delighted to share this special issue.

An organization like Exponent II doesn’t last 50 years by happenstance, a point made clear in these selections and in our history. We should not take this milestone for granted. This issue celebrates many poignant moments while also acknowledging challenges. In these pages, we feature words from the Founding Mothers, board members, long-time readers and retreaters, and newer community members. We include art that echoes back through the decades and new pieces that invite us forward. The poems, blog feature, history of Exponent II artwork, and announcement about digital access to the entire Exponent II collection, underscore countless hours of work and heart to honor this organization’s past while ushering in a vibrant future, a feeling captured in Page Turner’s hand-sculpted cover art.

I affectionately call this anniversary issue “the reunion.” If it feels a bit like a yearbook, that’s intentional. Any attempt at summarizing the contents would be reductive. The pieces are not strictly chronological, though they do follow the arc of generations and circle through timeless themes of mortality, legacy, grief, community, belonging, struggle, personal growth, friendships, love, trust, and sacred work. We solicited as many voices as possible, past and present. As has often been the case for Exponent II, this issue champions personal essays.

This issue, like every issue over the past fifty years, represents countless hands engaged in a shared alchemy…

But this issue is not the last word on the anniversary. This fall, Signature Books will publish Fifty Years of Exponent II — a landmark book by Katie Ludlow Rich and Heather Sundahl (both of whom have essays in this issue). Having the privilege of editing this rigorous history, with early access to the manuscript, I can only say that this book is a priceless treasure and essential reading. I can’t wait for this triumph of a history to be in the world, sitting side by side with this special issue of the magazine. 

That I’m humbly writing the Letter from the Editor for this important issue, and not anyone else, feels less like fate and more like a happy coincidence. Many of us who have been involved in this organization might relate. But Exponent II has shown me that this work has never been about one person. This issue, like every issue over the past fifty years, represents countless hands engaged in a shared alchemy, from “paste-up” parties to computers to elaborate spreadsheets to InDesign files. The “paper” as it was first called — this magazine — is built on the foundation of friendship.

Consider this anniversary issue a prologue as we come together, snatching a rare moment of rest under the shade of our own vine and fig tree while we enjoy the fruits of our labors. We invite you to ponder, as we have asked each contributor of this issue: What has Exponent II meant to you? Also, how might you continue the tradition of being a part of and building this feminist community? There are many, so many, more people in the literal and figurative forest who seek a home like this one. o

Rachel is an author, editor, and teacher. She is the ninth editor in chief of Exponent II. rachelrueckert.com

Cambridge, Massachusetts

A note about our style guide: Our team decided, as is industry standard, to only italicize Exponent II when it is named, in full, specifically in relation to the print publication. (Example: I found Exponent II in 2015 through the Exponent blog, but I was not published in Exponent II for several years). We also decided to capitalize Founding Mother, Exponent Day Dinner, and other moments specific to our history.

Trust in the Lord (not mortal church leaders)

An oft-recited proverb reads:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Proverb 3:5-6

The second half of this proverb contains a beautiful promise. How often do we feel confused or uncertain and wish for divine guidance to direct our path? The proverb tells us to achieve this promise, we must trust in the Lord with all our hearts rather than depending on our own understanding. But when we hear God’s words, whether it be through the scriptures, modern church leaders, or our own spiritual impressions, our own understanding is the only filter we have to interpret this guidance. How can we be certain about where the Lord is guiding us?

In General Conference, Elder Paul B. Pieper encouraged us to build a relationship of trust with God. I hope that as we build a trusting relationship with God, we will better be able to understand how God is directing us. Elder Pieper pointed out that God has already demonstrated his perfect trust in in us by allowing us to make our own choices, even when we are likely to make mistakes. But a relationship of trust requires trust on both sides, and as imperfect mortals, we struggle to reciprocate with perfect trust in God. (See Paul B. Pieper, Trust in the Lord, April 2024)

Trust that God is good

Elder Pieper pointed out a common barrier to trust:

[We] have all experienced a betrayal of trust as the result of dishonesty, manipulation, coercion, or other circumstances. Once betrayed, we may struggle to trust again. These negative trust experiences with imperfect mortals may even impact our willingness to trust in a perfect Heavenly Father.

Elder Paul B. Pieper, Trust in the Lord, April 2024

We believe that humans are created in the image of God. But at times, we may skew this doctrine and picture a God created in the image of humans. We witness imperfect human leaders exercising their authority in flawed ways and assume that God would do the same.

When I was younger, I discussed a concern I had about the actions of some of the early prophets of the church with my bishop. My bishop, a mere mortal doing his best to serve as a representative of Christ on Earth, tried to bolster my testimony of past Latter-day Saint prophets by telling me, “Don’t blame them for what they did. They were good men. Blame God. Prophets do God’s will.”

I know that my bishop was well-intended and only wanted to bolster my testimony of church leaders. But as I have matured, I have found that blaming God for mortal failings is never the answer. It is more important that I trust that God is good than that I trust that human church leaders always make the right decisions.

Elder Pieper taught that one way to build our trust in God is to:

Patiently continue to learn more about Heavenly Father, His character, His attributes, and His purposes.

Elder Paul B. Pieper, Trust in the Lord, April 2024

When I see mere mortals representing God in flawed ways, whether they be leaders of the church or Sacrament meeting speakers like me, I keep in mind what I know about God.

King Benjamin used these words to describe God: goodness, power, wisdom, patience, long-suffering. (Mosiah 4:6) The apostle John taught, “God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

Jane Harper Neyman’s story

An example of a person from church history who did not let the mistakes of church leaders disrupt her trust in God was Jane Harper Neyman. She was the first member of the church to be baptized for the dead. Joseph Smith first announced the doctrine of baptism for the dead at the funeral service of Seymour Brunson in Nauvoo in 1840. Joseph looked at Jane, who was seated in the audience, and said that:

This widow should have glad tidings through the doctrine of baptism for the dead. He told the Saints that the people could now act for their friends who had departed this life, and that the plan of salvation was calculated to save all who were willing to obey the requirements of the law of God.

The Joseph Smith Papers, Episode 3: “A Welding Link”

Jane Harper Neyman

One month later, Jane was baptized in the Mississippi River on behalf of her recently deceased son, Cyrus, with Harvey Olmstead performing the baptism and Vienna Jaques serving as witness. (The Joseph Smith Papers, Episode 3: “A Welding Link” )

Note that at the first proxy baptism, a woman was baptized on behalf of a man with a female witness. After Joseph Smith’s death, Brigham Young announced a new rule requiring people to perform proxy baptisms only for people of their same sex, which remains in place today. (M. Guy Bishop, “What Has Become of Our Fathers?” Baptism for the Dead at Nauvoo, Dialogue 23(2)). I don’t know when the longstanding rule that only men could serve as baptismal witnesses began, but it was not in place when Vienna Jaques served as the first baptismal witness and was finally revoked in 2019. (Church News, Women Can Serve as Witnesses for Baptisms, Temple Sealings, First Presidency Announces, Oct. 2, 2019)

Only two years later, two of Jane’s daughters were deeply wronged by a male church leader who used his priesthood authority to deceive and seduce them. The women of the Nauvoo Relief Society blamed Jane for the scandal and barred her from Relief Society. Despite this betrayal by both male and female church leaders, Sister Neyman never stopped trusting God and went on to serve as president of her local Relief Society two decades later. (Be Forbearing and Forgiving, Jane H. Neyman,  At the Pulpit: 185 Years if Discourses of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women)

She taught,

All to be forbearing and forgiving; refraining as much as possible from scrutinizing the conduct of our neighbors, remembering always that we are human and must therefore err.

Jane Neyman, Beaver First Ward, Beaver Stake, Relief Society Minutes, vol. 1, 1868–1878, Nov. 4, 1869, reported in At the Pulpit: 185 Years if Discourses of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women

Record experiences with God

Another way that Elder Pieper taught that we can build our trust in God is to:

Look for and record experiences feeling His love and power in your life. 

Elder Paul B. Pieper, Trust in the Lord, April 2024

Job’s Story

In the Book of Job in the Bible, Job spoke of how he needed to write down his testimony:

23 Oh that my words were now written! oh that they were printed in a book!

Job 19:23

Then he realized that even writing it down would not be quite permanent enough, and said,

24 That they were graven with an iron pen and lead in the rock for ever!
25 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth:
26 And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: 

Job 19:24-26

I think part of the reason Job wanted his testimony to be written down, or better yet, to be engraven in stone, was because he knew his testimony would fluctuate, and he wanted to preserve his spiritual memories to hold onto in the hard times, when he wasn’t feeling it.

Take a step

Only a few chapters later, Job wrote of one of these hard times, when he could not feel God’s presence.

8 Behold, I go forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him:
9 On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him:
10 But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
11 My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined.

Job 23:8–11

In this last verse, Job describes another way we can build our trust with God, by continuing to step forward even when we feel uncertain.

Eliza R. Snow, the author of many of our hymns and one of the church’s first General Relief Society presidents, taught:

When you see one step before you, take it, and do not wait to see where is the next—if we see one step, it is not for us to stand still until we can see the way clear in the distance, but move forward and the way will be opened before us, step by step. This is a principle. God requires us to make the effort and thus prove our faith and trust in him, and then he is sure to extend his aid.

Eliza R. Snow, Let Us Cultivate Ourselves, Feb. 18, 1869, At the Pulpit: 185 Years if Discourses of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women

Peter’s Story

The Bible shares a story of a time when the apostle Peter practiced his trust in God by literally taking a step. He was boating with other disciples on a stormy night and they saw Jesus walking on the water at a distance. At first, they didn’t realize it was him and they were scared. But Jesus called out, “Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.”

As soon as Peter recognized Jesus, he wanted to join him. He replied, “Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.”

Jesus agreed, and Peter stepped out of the boat and did the impossible. He walked on water.

It didn’t last for very long. After a few steps, Peter got scared and began to fall, but Jesus caught him and they safely returned to the boat together.

We often focus on the part of the story when Peter’s faith faltered and he began to fall. But I would like us to look back a little further and think about how Peter did the impossible, if only for a few steps. When Christ told Peter to come, he dared to try, and was rewarded with miraculous abilities, even if only for a short time. (Matthew 14:25-33)

Lucy Mack Smith’s Story

In church history, Lucy Mack Smith’s trust in God made it possible for over 100 Mormon pioneers to cross dangerous waters.

Ice on Buffalo Harbor on Lake Erie, Jan. 23, 2013. U.S. Coast Guard photo by Bob Bialkowski. As a work of the U.S. federal government, the image is in the public domain. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Lucy Mack Smith was leading a group of 80 church members from Fayette, New York to Kirtland, Ohio. At a time when male leadership was the default, it says a lot about the respect these pioneers had for Lucy Mack Smith, mother of the prophet Joseph Smith, that her peers chose her to lead the wagon train even though male priesthood holders were available in the group. Her responsibilities included leading religious devotionals and taking charge of logistics such as finances, food and lodging.

When they reached Buffalo Harbor in New York, they found another group of Mormon pioneers already camped there. They had been stalled for a week because the water was frozen and boats could not ferry across it. Leaders of this other group encouraged Sister Smith to lay low and avoid sharing their religious identity with the locals while they waited for the ice to break. They worried that if people knew they were Mormon, they would bar them from the ferry.

Lucy Mack Smith valued authenticity, and hiding her identity would not work for her. Instead of keeping a low profile, she boldly testified of her beliefs to the local crowds from the deck of the parked steamboat.

At the end of her speech, she said,

And now, brethren and sisters, if you will, all of you, raise your desires to heaven that the ice may give way before us and we be set at liberty to go on our way, as sure as the Lord lives it shall be done.

Where Is Your Confidence in God? By Lucy Mack Smith, May 1831, At the Pulpit: 185 Years if Discourses of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women

Just as she finished speaking, “a noise was heard like bursting thunder, and the captain cried out, ‘Every man to his post!’ and the ice parted, leaving barely a pathway for the boat.” (Where Is Your Confidence in God? By Lucy Mack Smith, May 1831, At the Pulpit: 185 Years if Discourses of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women)

I admit that when I need to cross dangerous waters, I usually use modern aids like bridges and airplanes. I don’t try to walk on water like Peter or publicly command ice to break like Lucy Mack Smith. But then, I don’t think I’ve yet developed the kind of trusting relationship Peter and Lucy Mack Smith had with God. Even so, I think all of us have opportunities in our lives to demonstrate our trust by taking a step when we feel uncertain, and letting God direct our path forward.

This is the transcript of a Sacrament Meeting talk delivered by the author in her home ward in South Jordan, Utah in May 2024.

2024 is Exponent II’s 50th anniversary! Help us last another fifty years by subscribing or donating.

“An Existential Question” by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

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Happy Juneteenth!

Today marks the day when slavery officially ended. This was more than two years after the Emancipation Proclamation declared slavery unconstitutional. And still today, America grapples with the ramifications of slavery. 

As a white woman, I have wondered what are appropriate ways for me to acknowledge and celebrate this newly federalized holiday. As I reflect on this day, I think the most important thing is to not let it end today. What more do I have to learn? How do I engage with this history now? I do not want to celebrate without committing to the work of learning about slavery and its lasting impacts.

Former President Barack Obama said,

“Juneteenth has never been a celebration of victory, or an acceptance of the way things are.  Instead, it’s a celebration of progress.  It’s an affirmation that despite the most painful parts of our history, things do get better.  America can change.”

Here are some wonderful resources for further learning that I would like to highlight:

– Jasmine Bradshaw offers anti-racist education through a blog, podcast, curricula and more

Know Better Do Better – a podcast by Marie Beecham tackling social issues, race and equity. Check out this one about Juneteenth. 

This article by Exponent blogger Spunky delves into the history of slavery in the church and resistance of some people today to change racist names like Dixie. 

Here is an article about Green Flake, an enslaved African-American member of the church. And the movie made about him. 

Nykesha @theantiracismeducator_ made a fantastic post about the do’s and don’ts for white people on Juneteenth. 

And this Instagram post by Britt Hawthorne on 5 things to teach children about Juneteenth