Exponent II's Blog, page 57

Missions: The Best of Times or the Worst of Times?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that young men — and some young women —  are called to go on a mission. There are over 70,000 missionaries serving worldwide. That’s one missionary for every 250 members. The question is, how do we best equip them for their service? I assert that therapy is a critically important piece of missionary preparation.

Note that I am not a mental health professional. I am a person who has benefited from therapy, a mom of an 18-year-old who is leaving for college in a different country 5,000 miles from home, and a high school teacher in Utah who has students leave on missions shortly after graduation. Watching my students leave on missions, talking with friends whose young adults are serving missions, and preparing my own young adult to move far from home means I feel passionate about wanting young adults to launch into the world prepared to grow during this important time of life.

1. Explore, clarify, vocalize the “why” behind the decision to serve. 

I learned in therapy that two people can do the same action and yet one person can be psychologically healthy and the other unhealthy. Understanding the driving factors behind behavior is critical to understanding psychological health. A young adult may choose to serve a mission for some of the following reasons:

They feel that the experience will provide them with opportunities to grow.They may have had previous experience sharing their beliefs and want to do that in an official missionary capacity.It is an experience they genuinely choose for themselves.Any other reason that shows the perspective missionary is making this choice from a place of self-determination. 

A young adult may also choose to serve for some of these reasons:

They want to please their parents and/or church leaders.They believe that they gave up their agency at baptism and that the choice has already been made.They are afraid they will lose respect in the church.They are pressured by family and/or church leaders.Everybody else is doing it.They are floating along in life without realizing they can make their own choices.Any other external factor where the young adult is not making a conscious choice. 

A mission has the potential for life long positive or negative effects. Ensuring that a young adult is serving from a place of self-determination significantly increases the chances of a positive experience and can inoculate against difficulties inherent in serving a mission. 

To explain further, if a missionary doesn’t like an aspect of missionary life, the area where they are serving, or the companion they are assigned to, or anything else that may be difficult, the missionary only needs to deal with that issue. If a missionary was in any way coerced into serving a mission, then not only do they have to work to resolve whatever issue is difficult, they have to do that while also carrying the load of the external factors that lead to their choice. For example, a missionary may not easily find people to teach. If a missionary is serving because they want to share their beliefs, then they may feel disappointed about not easily finding people to teach. If a missionary is serving because they want to please parents or leaders, they may feel shame (not good enough) or guilt (not working hard enough) in addition to disappointment about not easily finding people to teach.

 2. Prepare for adjustment away from home.

With missionaries eligible to serve at age 18-19, many missionaries in the U.S. are leaving on missions shortly after graduating high school. This means that many are adjusting to living on their own  and mission life at the same time. At best, this is difficult; at worst it is disastrous. 

During my junior year of college, I spent half the school year at the BYU Jerusalem Center. This was in the 90s when any church member who met the academic requirements could apply to spend a semester at the center. There were a handful of us in my cohort who were students at Utah State University.  I had been away from home for two years attending college, was used to missing family activities, and was comfortable with once-a-week dial-up modem emails to and from my parents. One friend, however, attended USU while living at home with her family and this study abroad was her first time away from her parents. She expended considerable energy making the adjustment being away from her family which sadly decreased her ability to fully engage with the amazing experiences available during those months. Due to my experience observing this classmate, I suspect we put young adults at risk for more mental health problems by sending them on missions without previous experience away from home. For young adults heading to missions without prior experience away from home, they can still prepare by having a job, making their own doctor appointments, doing grocery shopping and menu planning for their family, taking the lead on items to be completed for their mission, and other tasks they will need to do on their own. They can also look for opportunities such as house sitting or travel, if financially feasible, that will give them experience seeing other places.

Whether or not a young adult has experience away from home prior to a mission, working with a therapist prior to leaving on a mission can facilitate discussions about boundaries, role playing scenarios, and develop skills to have healthy relationships with companions. A young adult can explore how they would handle different people and develop skills for how to express their needs, thoughts, feelings, and wants in different situations. Missionaries do not get to choose their companions; they are likely to have both great and challenging companions. Examples of potential challenges a missionary may encounter with companions include: 

Differing levels of cleanliness such as dirty clothes on the floor, unmade bed, dishes in the sink. Behaviors such as walking out of the bathroom naked or masturbating in the bedroom.Differing opinions about what to do on preparation day.Borrowing personal belongings without asking.Behavior such as screaming or hitting.Serious mental health issues that hinder one’s ability to function.

 While most parents would be concerned if their young adult moved far away to college with unknown roommates, I have yet to hear parents express concern or prepare their young adult for living with a companion who is with you 24/7. A therapist can equip a prospective missionary with the relationship skills necessary to cope with a wide variety of companions, a skill that is valuable long after a mission. 

3. Develop tools for adjustment to mission life.

Not only do young adults need to adjust to life away from home and family, they also need tools to adjust to mission life. Recently, I met up with a friend of mine who served a mission and whose oldest daughter recently returned from serving a mission. She related what I have heard from other parents: missions have changed and are much more rule oriented than they were in the past. The rigidness of mission life can cause pressure which may lead to anxiety, depression, shame, or other feelings that can reach clinical levels. Mission president roulette is real; some mission presidents may create a culture of allowing missionaries to make choices to use their best judgment while other mission presidents may create an extreme culture of focusing on numbers that leads to overall negative outcomes for missionaries. In addition to adjusting to mission life, missionaries may need to adjust to a different climate, culture, language, food, and more. These are not insignificant adjustments. Young adults serving missions may also see more poverty, abuse, crime and other situations which they (hopefully) have not been exposed to at home. Seeing these things for the first time can be shocking. 

4. Process grief and loss.

Therapy as preparation for mission service can be helpful for processing grief and loss. There is grief and loss to process prior to a mission as well as grief and loss that are a part of the mission experience.  Grief and loss events include:

Childhood ending. The period between high school ending and mission service is a time of significant life transition.Serving a mission can mean a loss of choices. Missionaries do not get to choose where they serve; they may be disappointed about location assignment. They may feel frustrated or trapped by certain aspects of mission life.Grief and loss that comes with changing companions, changing areas, leaving behind people you taught, especially if they get baptized after you leave and you don’t get to participate. Grief and loss that comes with missing any big events at home like a wedding, death, graduation, etc.

Processing grief and loss prior to leaving helps lighten the load a missionary carries with them and also provides them tools to process the grief and loss that will occur during a mission.

5. Develop self-efficacy and self-advocacy. 

Self-efficacy is a person’s belief to act in a way to achieve a desired result. Self-advocacy is a person’s ability to speak up for themselves. From my observation, I believe both of these characteristics tend to be underdeveloped in young adults in the church. This can then lead to young adults on missions not able to take the necessary actions to advocate for themselves if they are in need of safe housing, adequate food, or medical care. The lasting effects of this can be devastating. 

6. Recognize abuse and assault.

In the church there is generally a culture of be nice, just get along, don’t cause contention. Unfortunately, this can lead to young adults serving as missionaries not recognizing abuse when it happens to them or others. If abuse happens and is recognized, many young adults have not been taught how to respond to keep themselves safe. Too many mission presidents do not know how to recognize or respond to abuse either. As one survivor shared, while her assault was horrible, the lack of care from her mission president and the church felt like a second assault. 

The church does not make figures available for how many missionaries are victims of abuse or assault each year. I do know that missionaries often live in neighborhoods in the U.S.that are not safe and are sent to countries where the U.S. State Department advises increased caution or travel reconsideration. Additionally, the church culture of deference to authority places missionaries at risk for abuse of all types by leaders. Many missionaries are not aware that they can leave their mission at any time. While it would be best to notify their mission president, they do not need permission. Missionaries serving in countries other than their home country may have their passport kept at the mission office. In this circumstance, missionaries need to know that they have a right to their passport whenever they ask for it. A mission president refusing access to a passport is at best abusive and may also be illegal. A missionary who has been taught to recognize abuse can be prepared to advocate for themselves if they find themselves in an abusive situation. 

7. Prevent scrupulosity, toxic perfectionism, and other mental health issues.

A culture of transaction -‘do x get y’-  is prevalent in the church and even more so on missions. This can vary with individual mission presidents as each sets a different tone. At the same time, the church in general provides ample conditions for individuals to develop mental health issues ranging from mild to severe. A therapist friend of mine commonly works with returned missionaries who have developed toxic perfectionism. Therapist Valerie Hamaker addressed scrupulosity in four episodes of her podcast Latter-day Struggles. Episode 234: “Spiritual Scrupulosity [Part IV of IV]-Healing a Culture of Competition, Transactional Worthiness, and Perfectionism in LDS Full-time Missionary Service,” provides helpful information for prospective missionaries, returned missionaries, and others concerned about the well-being of missionaries. (Note that this episode is available to paid subscribers. I upgraded to a paid subscription to have access to all episodes and found it well worth the money.)

8. Address authority wounds. 

One of my favorite songs is “Tyson vs Douglas” on the album Wonderful, Wonderful by the Killers. Lead singer Brandon Flowers explained that the song came from his experience watching the February 1990 fight when underdog Douglas took down champion Tyson in the 10th round of a fight. In a BBC interview Flowers recalls, “”Mike Tyson was perfect to me. He created such excitement around the world – but he lived in Las Vegas [where Flowers lived], and he got my dad excited, he got my uncles excited, so that made me want to be excited about it….Then Tyson got knocked out [and] my whole view on the world changed. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”

To me, the way Flowers viewed Tyson is how many members view the church. The church and church leaders are heroes. They aren’t supposed to let us down. The problem is people are people no matter  what calling they hold. At some point, a church leader – even the prophet – is going to disappoint you. We can pretend this doesn’t exist or we can be aware that disappointment will happen so that we can prepare to face it. Acknowledging when our heroes fail us is important to our growth. As Flowers sings in the song, 

“You can change the channel
Take the phone off the hook
Avoid the headline but you’ll never grow up baby if you don’t look
When I saw him go down
Felt like somebody lied
I had to hold my breath till the coast was clear
When I saw him go down
Felt like somebody lied
I had to close my eyes just to stop the tears”

As hard as it will be when a revered authority figure does something disappointing or even horrific, we can’t grow up if we don’t face it. If someone has been taught to trust authority unconditionally, believes leaders are always inspired, or believes leaders always have missionary’s best interests at heart, the shock of learning otherwise can be an incredibly traumatic experience. 

Addressing authority wounds prior to a mission can be an opportunity for prevention. It can be a time to develop personal authority. It can be a time to acknowledge that while people serving in the church are doing their best, it’s not wise to turn personal authority over to the institution or leaders. Items for a prospective missionary to consider include:

Don’t depend on the church to act as a parent and provide everything that is needed. Be prepared to speak out when something is needed or act for your safety even if it is against your mission president or zone leaders’ directions.Research information about the mission area you or your young adult is assigned to. Know how to stay safe, learn about local customs, learn what behaviors would be considered offensive.Repeat: know how to stay safe. Plan for how to respond to catcalls, groping, and assault. Determine how you will act if your mission president or zone leaders ask you to do something you consider unsafe such as being out in inclement weather, talking with someone who is drunk or high, or being out after dark.Address any ‘magical thinking’ such as beliefs that missionaries can’t be harmed.Considering having emergency cash so that a missionary isn’t dependent on their church stipend. Be firm about needs such as adequate sleep (hint: 8 hours is not enough for most 18-20 year olds), exercise, food, and safe housing. Make sure your missionary knows how to access medical care in the area where they will serve.Read the stories shared on the Instagram account ldsmissionarywellness_stories and discuss with your missionary how they would handle the situation. 

Missions have potential to be formative, for better or for worse. Young adults and their parents are required to show significant preparation for a mission such as doctors and dentist visits. Including therapy as a foundational preparation for a teen/young adult serving a mission can act as armor to mitigate the significant potential for harm posed by the current mission structure. Mitigating this harm before a missionary is in the middle of mission service is like putting on a life jack prior to sailing out into water.  It’s best to be prepared in the event of getting tossed overboard instead of reacting after the event. 

Thoughts? If you served a mission, would therapy have been helpful preparation? Have you considered or found therapy helpful during or after a mission? If you are a parent of a prospective missionary, have you considered therapy to help your young adult prepare for a mission? If you are a mental health professional who works with prospective or returned missionaries, what is your perspective? 

P.S. The Instagram account ldsmissionarywellness_stories was formed to bring awareness to missionary experiences in order to make missions safer for those serving. If you served a mission (young or senior), are the parent/guardian of a missionary, are/were a mission leader, or otherwise connected to the mission experience, you are welcome to complete this form.  It will help these two returned missionaries collect and share as much data and stories as possible with the goal of creating community and bringing this information to the attention of the church.

Our Bloggers Recommend: Claudia Bushman and Rachel Rueckert talk about Exponent II’s 50th Anniversary with Mormon Land

Last week, Exponent II‘s founding editor, Claudia Bushman, and its current editor, Rachel Rueckert, spoke with David Noyce and Peggy Fletcher Stack on the Mormon Land podcast by the Salt Lake Tribune about Exponent II’s 50th anniversary.

“Claudia Bushman was 40 years old, a mother of six and working on an advanced history degree when she, essentially, was volunteered to become the first editor-in-chief of Exponent II, an independent feminist magazine for Latter-day Saint women. That was 1974. Rachel Rueckert, a 30-something novelist, career woman and the magazine’s current top editor, wasn’t even born then. Despite the age difference, the two share an important passion: giving voice to women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As the magazine celebrates its 50th anniversary, Bushman and Rueckert discuss their feelings about the magazine, the personal stories it has shared, how it has changed over the decades, what it has accomplished, and why they believe it remains relevant — and crucial — today and will stay that way well the future.”

Our Bloggers Recommend: Candice Wendt on Dialogue Journal Podcast

Check out new blogger Candice Wendt on the Dialogue Journal Podcast! Candice talks about how to teach and mentor youth in the church while discussing the story of Ammon and Abish.

“Whether they are religious or not, when we help young people develop their sense of spiritual sensibilities, this empowers them to experience sacred moments and meaning. Gaining spiritual sensibilities enables them to access positive emotions and insights that they need to support their mental health, to feel well, and be resilient.”

Check out her first two posts here on the blog (and watch for more great posts to come!):

The Insidious Exchange of Community for Covenants

Human First Latter-day Saint Second

 

Patriotic Sunday Services Ask Us to Serve Two Masters

It’s July in the United States and we’re singing patriotic songs during LDS sacrament meetings. We not only have Independence Day in the United States at the beginning of the month, but Pioneer Day at the month’s end as well. With so much patriotic potential in July, multiple Sundays can be filled with national songs. Choristers may even insist that the congregation rise to sing the national anthem.

This leaves me pondering why patriotic songs and speeches make me so uncomfortable in church services. I’m grateful for the country I live in and my family celebrates with our nation each July. But I feel unsettled and frustrated when patriotism is then intertwined with religious services.

I firmly believe that you can be deeply grateful for your freedoms and for the sacrifices made by many (including your own relatives), while simultaneously dissenting and acknowledging a country’s flaws. I don’t believe God or Christ has a special preference or allegiance to one nation. When I go to church services, I don’t want to divide my worship between God and nation; I don’t want to worship a nation at all.

I also believe the regular free practice of religion and spoken gratitude for that freedom is all that is necessary to show my appreciation for my religious freedom. Patriotic speeches and songs are not necessary or appropriate in church services. And no one should feel excluded from their church community because they may not feel comfortable participating in patriotic activities.

This article in Christianity Today by Kelsey Kramer McGinnis speaks so clearly and eloquently on the topic. I really appreciate the different perspectives she includes from different religious representatives. This quote stood out to me as especially powerful:

“To give a platform to both the worship of God and the celebration of America in the same service is to serve two masters, to grant power to God and the state in the sanctuary. In doing so, one makes space for the glorification of two entities that are in no way equal in the life of a Christian.

Even if leaders make a distinction during services between ‘worship’ and ‘patriotic music,’ a gathered congregation singing songs celebrating the state is ceding some highly prized religious freedom: the freedom to worship without interference and without the requirement to pay homage to government.”

If church communities want to hold optional, separate programs to showcase talent, appreciation, and national holidays outside of Sunday services, then they should do so. Sacrament and Sunday services should be reserved for the worship of our Heavenly Parents and Jesus Christ.

Ultimately, I don’t want to be compelled to stand or sing in church services when my convictions may guide me to kneel, or when participating may exclude those of other nations, when we should be united in faith first.

1 of 3 of 35

I’ve had the privilege of being in my ward’s Relief Society presidency for about 2 years, and during much of that time, the president has given me the task of selecting General Conference talks for our teachers to reference. I cannot overstate what a joy this has been for me. Prayerfully taking this on feels like a simple way I can obey the two great commandments; to love God and to love others (see Matthew 22:36-40). 

That love has grown as I have taken seriously this opportunity to be a small part of the education arm of the church – identifying aspects of our doctrine and modern day revealed truths that might produce enlightening conversation during our bi-monthly discussions in that sacred and soul-enriching space. That heaven/haven feeling truly does exist in our ward, in North Carolina, USA. 

Because of the seriousness of the task, I have sometimes felt compelled to sort of scrutinize the long list of talks. Which talks do the sisters in our ward need? Which ones will help the sisters grow in light and truth and love of our Savior? What have the female leaders of the Church said, specifically?

This is how I came to a startling realization; 1 of 3 of 35 talks in the most recent General Conference (April 2024) were delivered by women, and directed to the general membership of the church. Wow! 

Allow me to clarify.

In five sessions, talks were shared by 35 church leaders from around the world. The three women who spoke were Sister J. Annette Dennis, First Counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, Sister Andrea Muñoz Spannaus, Second Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, and President Susan H. Porter, Primary General President.

We can infer that Sister Dennis directed her message to all, as she didn’t indicate otherwise. However, the same can not be said for the other two talks! You need look no further than the first sentence of each talk! Sister Spannaus: “Dear young friends, today I would like to speak directly to you—the youth of the Church.” And President Porter: “Brothers and sisters, I feel joy as I respond to an impression to speak to children!”

1 of 3 of 35. Is that figure not alarming? Is this a fair representation of what the members value, regarding leadership? Is there not space for more testimonies from women? What is lacking causes me to personally mourn for what could have been. With faith and hope, I look forward to future General Conferences, and pray that more women will have the opportunity to deliver messages to the general membership of the church, and more people who listen to and read those messages will be able to learn from women leaders, and their testimonies of Jesus Christ. 

***The Exponent blog welcomes guest submissions. Learn more about our post guidelines and the submission form on our guest post submission page.***

The Problem with Telling Women We Have Priesthood Power When We Obviously Don’t

Main Image: Bloggers April Young-Bennett and Abby Maxwell Hansen at an art installation in Salt Lake City celebrating women’s right to vote.

I first met April Young-Bennett, long time Exponent II blogger, in the fall of 2013 as the Ordain Women movement – asking for priesthood for Mormon women – hit international headlines and she was a vocal supporter of the movement. Still an active member of the church to this day, April has always believed her spiritual home should also have a place for her leadership skills. While I cherish the friendships of many women I’ve interacted with at Exponent II over the years, I especially love April for her unique ability to cut through nonsense and explain things in such clear terms that I wonder how I didn’t see it on my own in the first place. 

If my memory serves correctly, I first met April in person one day when we dragged our combined seven small children to a venue at Thanksgiving Point in Lehi, Utah, and then to a McDonald’s with a play place for lunch. Meeting a real life Mormon feminist who thought women should be ordained felt wild. I am not exaggerating when I say I had never met anyone like this in my entire life in the church. Her point of view wasn’t just different, I had literally never even heard of it a few months before that.

When we met, I had recently submitted a profile to the Ordain Women site after what felt like the most intense (and relentless) spiritual prompting of my life. I was very active in my Utah County ward and posting my public agreement with this extremely controversial movement was terrifying. With one click of my computer mouse my body filled with a surge of terror and adrenaline that has never since been matched, not even when I almost bumped into a mama moose and her babies hiking a trail in the Utah mountains a couple years ago. Between a wild animal that could kill me and admitting out loud that I thought women should be ordained, my nervous system picked death by angry moose stomping as significantly less terrifying.

This is the moose that let me live, with her babies. I took a photo once it was clear I was not going to die. It was still much less scary than posting my Ordain Women profile.

Some who know my story know that my priesthood leaders pushed back against my Ordain Women profile to the point of threatening my excommunication. This was an incredibly stressful period of my life.  

My bishop would say things to me that I couldn’t come up with a way to argue, like when he asked me, “What would happen in the case of a divorced, bitter couple whose child needed to be baptized? They would fight over whether mom or dad would get to do the baptism. Can you imagine how difficult that would be for the child to have to choose?” I didn’t have a great answer. April said to me, “So because of one sticky situation that might happen, we should disenfranchise all women from all leadership and authority roles in the church forever?” And I thought, ‘Oh, yeah. That’s actually a dumb reason to not ordain women.’ Why did it sound like a reasonable enough problem with ordaining women when my bishop said it to me, though? Why did I not have the ability to recognize it for the weak argument that it was?

I don’t know how to explain the psychology, I just know that it worked on me for many years. As a teenage girl or in my twenties something would feel off to me, but when I’d bravely ask a question out loud I’d get an answer that would semi-appease me (at least temporarily) and I’d set that issue on my shelf. As I got older and more experienced, I’d again ask questions when things felt wrong, and get similar answers. I eventually stopped accepting the reasons, but couldn’t figure out a way to push back on them. It was so incredibly hard to make logical arguments against authority figures who I believed had the backing of God. 

But then I met April! And every time someone would explain a reason why things just had to be the way they were, she’d respond with the most brilliantly worded explanation of why that simply wasn’t the case.

During the spring 2014 general conference, I joined April and hundreds of other women to request entrance to the priesthood session on Temple Square (their second time, my first). Unlike how terrified my body had felt when posting my OW profile, my body now felt empowered as I stood up and asked to be heard by an institution that I loved and wanted to be recognized in.

As we stood outside in the pouring rain, Elder Oaks explained to the men inside of priesthood session that the women actually have the Priesthood already – and 184 years of rhetoric associating men and boys with the Priesthood turned on a dime.

This is the only photo I can find of April and I together at the OW action on Temple Square in 2014 – but we’re standing next to each other!

As the years have passed, I’ve seen women in my life enthusiastically accept this new definition of priesthood power – the kind with no real job description other than it exists. The discussion has become how it’s actually our own shortcomings as members of the church for not understanding the temple endowment well enough to have figured this out on our own already. Leaders insist women don’t need to ask for the priesthood because we already have it – but they have changed the definition of priesthood. Instead of being the power to actually do anything in the church (bless, baptize, be a general authority, preside, be on a disciplinary council, play basketball at midnight in the cultural hall and not get kicked out), the definition of having the priesthood has become “existing as a member of the church”. 

And everyone was like, “Ooohh, wow! Women are so empowered in this church! We do have priesthood power, just like the men. Everything we do is with priesthood power! In fact, there is no other religious organization in the world that has so broadly given power and authority to women!”

It’s like someone at work asking for a promotion and the boss telling them, “Sure, you’re the CEO now.” But when that employee asks for a raise, or to be invited into a high level meeting, or to make a decision about literally anything other than the exact same low level decisions they were already allowed to make before their promotion to “CEO”, they’re told absolutely not. This is exactly what telling women we have the priesthood ten years ago was like. Nothing has changed. When Anette Dennis’s Instagram blew up and made national news earlier this year, it was because she was essentially telling those frustrated employees, “But you are all CEOs of this company. I don’t know any other companies in the world that let all of the women be CEOs!”

Yesterday April published a new blog post titled “9 Barriers to Leadership for the 9 Women Leaders of the LDS Church“ and she continues to brilliantly point out in very clear terms why telling women we hold the priesthood is utterly meaningless if nothing else changes. We need more women like April to speak up and share why this change in vocabulary did not solve the issue of women’s inequality in the church. 

Ten years ago, April was a strong voice of reason that gently pulled me away from the well-used neuropathways I’d been travelling inside my brain since birth. She helped me view my entire world differently. I eventually followed her path and also made myself a public voice here on the blog. If there’s one thing I consistently think about when I write, it’s how I can pay forward the gift that April (and so many other vocal Mormon feminists) once gave me. 

The church itself is slightly different now than it was a decade ago when I posted my Ordain Women profile, but not much. What has been changing significantly is the women within it. The voices that call out the blatant sexism and inherent unfairness to girls and women are increasing. The altered definition of what it means to have priesthood power temporarily calmed the rising wave of voices asking for change, but there’s a tsunami coming. I know this deep in my bones because I’ve been immersed in the world of Mormon women for decades and found a new home and respite within Mormon feminism. This church has to change and include women with full equality in its power structure or it will die. It won’t matter how much wealth, authority or even genuine loving intentions the men in leadership have, when the women begin to leave this church will crumble. 

And to any women inside the church reading these words and feeling lost and alone like I did in the fall of 2013 – you are not crazy, you are not alone, and I wish I could take you personally to a McDonald’s play place and validate everything you’re feeling while our kids eat chicken nuggets. This church does have major issues with gender inequality and you are not wrong for being uncomfortable with it. If you feel alone in your ward or family, know there are countless women waiting to be your friends here at Exponent II, and we’ve got you.

Here are April and I inside the Utah State capitol building just a few months ago on International Women’s Day, on a personal treasure hunt for the only two statues of women inside. This was almost ten years to the day we went to Temple Square together, and she’s been a supportive friend and constant voice of logic and reason for me ever since. If you ever feel like you need a measure of sanity, check out her years of excellent blog posts on this site.

***Register for Exponent’s in-person retreat in New Hampshire this fall and make new friends!***

9 Barriers to Leadership for the 9 Women Leaders of the LDS Church

Male leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) are called General Authorities or simply leaders—never men leaders—but the church uses the term women leaders to describe the nine women serving on the General Presidencies of the Relief Society, Young Women and Primary organizations. While these nine women leaders tend to be talented women with stellar leadership skills, their leadership potential is crippled by a system designed to elevate men’s voices, priorities and choices over women’s.

Here are nine barriers that need to be resolved before women leaders can reach their full leadership potential in the LDS church.

1. Women leaders are outranked by men.2. Women leaders only lead certain demographics, and even within those demographics, their authority is limited.3. Women leaders have no direct reports.4. Women leaders are selected by and accountable to men.5. Women leaders consult while men lead.6. Women leaders do not meet with the First Presidency.7. Women leaders are vastly outnumbered by men.8. Women leaders serve for a shorter period of time than most of their male counterparts.9. Women leaders are eligible for only nine general-level callings.More about LDS Women Leaders on Mormonland PodcastListen to the podcastRead the transcript1. Women leaders are outranked by men.

A woman is working at a disadvantage in any church setting because she’s outranked by every priesthood office-holding man present. Only men are given the title, General Authority. Women do not have enough authority to be called General Authorities. While church leaders have recently begun teaching that women have some sort of access to priesthood, despite lack of priesthood ordination and office, they maintain that all final decisions belong to priesthood office holders with priesthood keys, and that all women, including women leaders, lack priesthood keys. Any progress women may make is subject to male veto. In contrast, no male General Authority is ever subject to supervision or veto from a woman, so listening to women is largely optional for them.

2. Women leaders only lead certain demographics, and even within those demographics, their authority is limited.

While men may govern every demographic of church member, including the women leaders themselves, women leaders are only granted authority over women and children. And even that authority is quite minimal; a women leader has less authority over women and children than a local bishop. Local male leaders such as bishops may supervise, bless, interview, discipline, administer over, and minister to woman and children in ways forbidden to even the highest-ranking women in the church.

3. Women leaders have no direct reports.

Who do women leaders lead? Women have no place in the church’s chain of command. Male General Authorities supervise local priesthood leaders, but the women of the General Relief Society, Young Women and Primary presidencies do not supervise anyone at the local level. The women of ward Relief Society, Young Women and Primary presidencies report to male bishops, who report to male stake presidents, who report to male Area Authorities and General Authorities. Women leaders have no say in the people called to staff the local units of the organizations they supposedly lead, and no means to require implementation of their initiatives by local units.

4. Women leaders are selected by and accountable to men.

Like their local counterparts, women leaders at the general level are selected by and accountable to men, putting them in a better position to serve as female spokespersons for the brethren rather than advocates for women.

5. Women leaders consult while men lead.

Women leaders hold positions similar to contracted consultants at secular organizations. They provide valuable expertise and offer important feedback, vital to the success of the church. Yet they cannot make final decisions for the organization and may not be promoted within its ranks. They are not part of the priesthood hierarchy of the church; they are outsiders.

6. Women leaders do not meet with the First Presidency.

Even in a consulting role, the influence of women leaders is limited by lack of access to the First Presidency of the LDS Church. The Salt Lake Tribune recently uncovered that since women leaders were added as minority members of church councils in 2015, they have stopped meeting one-on-one with the First Presidency. Adding women to the councils of the church was the right move; otherwise, men counsel alone and only request female feedback when they happen to realize they need it. An occasional opportunity to give feedback is inadequate to compensate for excluding women from the early brainstorming and final decision-making stages of a group process. Women need to be at the table the whole time. That said, there is no reason why admittance to church councils should preclude one-on-one meetings, especially when we consider that…

7. Women leaders are vastly outnumbered by men.

Including one or two women on a council is better than banning women altogether, but it’s only barely better. BYU’s own research demonstrates that when women are outnumbered by men, they participate less. If the brethren really want to hear women’s voices on these councils, they need to involve more women. Likewise, only nine women leaders rotate through General Conference speaking slots with over a hundred men, so female voices are drowned out at General Conference, giving masculine perspectives a greater impact on church teachings and doctrine.

8. Women leaders serve for a shorter period of time than most of their male counterparts.

The calling of General Relief Society President began as a lifetime commitment like the male calling of Apostle, but the male First Presidency eventually decided they had power to release a women leader, and over the decades since, has shrunken a women leader’s term of office to the point that today a woman leader serves for only five years. If her ideas differ from male leaders who have already been working toward their own priorities for decades, it’s hard for a woman to make a mark on theology and policy during the comparatively brief time between when she is plucked from obscurity and called as a woman leader and when she is released from her calling. Five years is a reasonable term limit, but the problem lies in the lack of a level playing field with male Apostles who serve for life and male Seventies, Presiding Bishoprics and Auxiliary Presidencies, who also have term limits but tend to rotate between powerful callings, accumulating experience, connections and influence over time. A new apostle is usually already a known entity to church members because he has already spoken in General Conference during his previous general-level callings. There are so few women leader callings that women generally don’t rotate through general-level callings—one shot and they’re out—which leads me to the next point:

9. Women leaders are eligible for only nine general-level callings.

Including women in approximately equal proportions with men in councils and General Conference is a logistic impossibility while only nine women but over 100 men are considered eligible to participate. But why only nine women? The church benefits from having a larger, more diverse group of men at its helm incorporated into a variety of general leadership callings such as Apostle, Presiding Bishopric, Auxiliary Presidency and Seventy. Likewise, the church would be better served by including an equivalent number of women in a greater variety of general-level callings to better reflect the diversity of the female population of the church and provide more opportunities for women to serve in different capacities over time.

Three of the LDS Church’s nine women leaders, Young Women First Counselor Sister Tamara W. Runia, President Emily Belle Freeman and Second Counselor Sister Andrea Muñoz Spannaus, go to the stand at General Conference, April 1, 2023.More about LDS Women Leaders on Mormonland Podcast

I recently had a great discussion about the status of women leaders in church hierarchy on the Mormonland podcast with managing editor David Noyce and religion reporter Peggy Fletcher Stack of the Salt Lake Tribune.

Listen to the podcast

Will a top LDS women’s leader ever again be seen as a ‘13th apostle’? | Episode 336

Spotify Apple Podcasts Read the transcript

‘We consult, but we don’t lead’ — Top women’s leaders are ‘outsiders’ in the LDS hierarchy

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Announcing Our New Book: Fifty Years of Exponent II (Preorders Open!)

Fifty Years of Exponent II (Signature Books, August 2024) by Katie Ludlow Rich & Heather Sundahl—with an afterword by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich—is now open to preorders!

Back Cover Teaser:
On a sweltering day in June 1974, a group of housewives, graduate students, and young professionals gathered in the Boston suburbs. Their mission: to produce the first issue of Exponent II, a “humble yet sincere” newspaper “poised on the dual platforms of Mormonism and Feminism.” They viewed their work as an act of devotion, not rebellion, and were naïve of the cold reception they would soon receive from LDS Church leaders. Nevertheless, the paper became a national platform connecting Mormon feminists. It provided a vital space for them to question and integrate different aspects of their dual—and sometimes dueling—identities. From the Equal Rights Amendment to queer identity, Exponent II has hosted some of the most urgent conversations of its time while also embracing life’s dailiness.

This comprehensive history and anthology celebrate five decades of Exponent II. Through meticulous research and compelling storytelling, the authors chronicle the organization’s evolution from a kitchen-table-style newspaper to a quarterly magazine, blog, and annual retreat. Its transformative impact on the lives of its participants stands as a testament to the power of connection, resilience, and community over ideological purity.

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I can’t overstate what a gift this book is to this community and the history of feminism. Each page is filled with gems, love, and incredible stories with big, universal themes that resonate in a thousand ways. I’m changed forever because I read Fifty Years of Exponent II.

You do not want to be late to this party:

Preorder at B&N

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I think I’m a Merarite

My whole life I’ve been told that my highest and holiest service would happen in the temple. As a child I sang about attending the temple as my sacred duty. I listened to countless stories about how people were blessed as they made sacrifices to attend the temple. I was excited to go to the temple and see what all the fuss was about. 

Then I went to the temple and discovered that I didn’t like it. 

For me the temple was somehow simultaneously stressful and boring. I’d worry about being judged for forgetting things, being the last to get dressed, or for doing something wrong. When I wasn’t worrying, I was sitting there wondering if this was really the best use of my time. 

Occasionally, I would have flashes of insight or peace that made me feel going to the temple had been worth it – but I’d wonder if maybe I could have achieved those same feelings if I’d been able to sit quietly in a garden or go on a hike.  

For a long time I felt like there was something wrong with me because I thought I was the only LDS woman in the whole world who struggled with the temple. Then I found the Exponent and read many stories about faithful women struggling with their relationship with the temple. For the first time I knew I wasn’t the only one. I also felt seen when I listened to the temple episodes of the At Last She Said It Podcast.

Even though I now know that I’m not the only woman who struggles with the temple – I still kind of feel like it in my current ward. Many lessons and discussions often focus on the temple. People make comments about how serving in the temple is a joy. 

There are many Sunday’s where I find myself wondering, “What’s wrong with me?”

As I’ve pondered about this I’ve realized that I think I might be a Merarite, or maybe a Gershonite, or even a Kohathite. 

Let me explain. In the book of Numbers as God is giving the rules and laws about the tabernacle he charges the tribe of Levi to be in charge of the tabernacle. The most obvious part of this is that Levites were the only Israelites allowed to be priests. They were the ones who served in the tabernacle – offering sacrifices and doing other important rituals. 

However, the ritual work wasn’t the only thing the Levites were in charge of. They were also in charge of moving the tabernacle from place to place. Specific subsets, or clans, of the tribe of Levi had specific duties when it came to moving the tabernacle. 

You can read all about it in Numbers 4, but for simplicity’s sake here’s the breakdown. The Kohathites were in charge of the objects inside the temple like the Ark of the Covenant. Think of them as the furniture movers. The Gershonites moved the curtains and ropes and coverings from inside the temple. They could be considered the decorators. And the Merarites took down and moved all the poles and fabric that made up the walls of the Tabernacle. They were the movers or builders. 

For me, the task of taking down and setting up the fabric walls of the tabernacle as the Children of Israel moved from place to place sounds a whole lot more interesting than working inside the temple on a day to day basis. 

Knowing that not all Levites were tasked with serving inside the temple has freed up my ideas of how God wants me to serve. What are the poles and fabric that need moving in the world around me?

For example, last winter I volunteered once a week at a newly created Warming Center in my city. People without a warm place to stay could come to the Warming Center overnight and sleep there. The center provided cots, blankets, pillows, and some easily prepared food items like Cup of Noodles or instant oatmeal. 

Since this was the first year the center was in operation, a huge amount of time was spent figuring out how to organize and store the many donations that were coming in. I love to organize things and make order out of chaos. Many times my weekly service would be spent organizing clothing, or helping rotate the food so that the food with the oldest expiration dates would be served first. I’d help keep the supply room orderly so that it was easy to hand out blankets and pillows to the guests. 

During the four months I volunteered at the center I often told my husband, “I would so much rather serve here once a week than serve at the temple. This service actually feels meaningful.”

As I look back at the ways I’ve offered service throughout my life, it’s the physical service that stands out – not the temple service. Here’s a sampling of the service I’ve enjoyed giving. (And this is cumulative over years, don’t think I’m doing all of this simultaneously.) 

Digging a trench for a sprinkler system that a community group was installing to water plants at a neglected corner of town.Helping a friend pack for a move. Babysitting children so the parents can do something together.    Helping clean up the debris during a community project to re-roof an apartment complex for low income families.Planting bulbs outside the temple. Writing Come, Follow Me lesson plans for the Exponent.Making dinner for a friend recovering from surgery. Helping a friend clean up after a big Christmas event on her property.Picking up neighbor children after school when their parents can’t make the pick up time.Serving as Treasurer for the Parent Teacher Organization at the elementary school.Helping my own kids with homework or big emotions.Planting flowers in my yard to make the area beautiful. (I’ve had many people tell me that my flowers cheer them up.)Sitting in Relief Society with an adult women with developmental disabilities so her mother can serve in the library.Sanding rusty spots on the metal fence of a temple so it could be repainted. Setting up tables and chairs for an event my neighbor was in charge of at the church. Donating money to help buy fleece for a quilt tying service project my stake did at Youth Conference.Ushering at the local symphony concerts. (This was a little self serving because it got me free admission to the concerts. But it helped out my ministering sister who was in charge of finding ushers.)Helping a local group set up and clean up for free clothing swap events for hundreds of patrons. Vacuuming the temple when it was my ward’s turn to help clean the temple.Hosting a Ladies Scripture Study Group at my house.Volunteering for my friends campaign for a local political office. (She won!)

Now when I sit in church and hear about how great the temple is I tell myself that there’s nothing wrong with me for not feeling fulfilled by temple service. I tell myself that I’m a Merarite. I’m in charge of moving the poles and the fabric. Other people can find meaning and fulfillment in the ritual service. That’s good for them. But I have my own gifts and my own callings that God wants me to do. That’s where I should be serving. 

What about you? Do you have ways of serving that are more meaningful to you than the temple? What are the poles and fabric that you have been called to move?

This picture is not of the storage room at the warming center. But it certainly reminds me of it. Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash

I Don’t Know How to Tell Your Child You Lied

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Our guest author is an anonymous nuanced, active, married Latter-day Saint woman writing from her perspective as a parent and teacher of youth. The Exponent blog welcomes guest submissions. You can learn more about our submission guidelines and how to submit on our online guest post submission form.

I’ve generally had a very good experience with callings in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I often seem to get the calling I need most at that stage in my life, a blessing for which I count myself very lucky.

These days, I have the chance to teach Youth Sunday School, which is very new and unfamiliar to me. I appreciate what I’ve learned trying to approach the scriptures from a preteen’s or teen’s perspective (especially as someone who never did because I didn’t have a religious upbringing). I also like hearing and learning from the youth themselves and how their insights not only reflect what they’re hearing at home and school and among friends but also their own assertions and beliefs and values, which are in such a period of rapid formation and flux.

There are times when I find this calling challenging, like when there aren’t enough teachers in town so we combine classes and I spend most of the hour trying to convince too many energetic kids crammed in a small room to put away their phones and stop shouting over me and each other. Or when my carefully prepared lesson doesn’t land quite as well as I’d hoped. But I never asked for an easy calling, and even these challenges have helped make me more patient, more willing to ask for what I need, more humble, and more creative – things for which I’m grateful.

Nevertheless, something happened in my Sunday School class that really took me aback and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I referenced a New Testament scripture related to the Come, Follow Me lesson where Jesus blessed the wine. Or drank wine. Or did something with wine. I honestly can’t remember which it was, and I wish I had written it down.

Regardless, I know it involved Jesus and wine because one of my students, a young woman who is one of the most engaged on any typical Sunday, raised her hand. Thrilled for any youth participation when I can get it, I called on her. But what she shared hit me and the class like a record scratch moment.

She said, “Jesus didn’t actually drink wine.”

I stumbled a bit, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening. “What do you mean?” I asked, hoping there was some miscommunication at play.

She clarified, “My parents told me Jesus never drank wine. It was just grape juice. Not real wine with alcohol!” She said it with such earnestness and confidence I honestly didn’t know what to do.

Some of the other kids in the class snickered, but I don’t think she heard them and I didn’t want to make her feel bad by drawing attention to it. I also didn’t want to pull her aside one-on-one after class as if she was in trouble and tell her that her parents lied to her – but that’s exactly what they did.

I felt so naive. I hadn’t even imagined there were members who taught their children historical falsehoods about Jesus in this way. I assume it’s because they didn’t want their kids to get curious about alcohol by seeing it was something the person they’re supposed to admire and emulate most consumed.

I wouldn’t know, because I haven’t talked to the parents about it. What I did instead was gently pivot to how the Word of Wisdom and our stricter interpretation of it came much later in the Restored Church and that Jesus drank wine like his contemporaries. I shared that even Joseph Smith and other early Church leaders drank alcohol, and it’s okay to know that and still make choices for yourself.

I’m still trying to work up the courage to talk to the family, but honestly I don’t know almost anyone in my ward despite attending every ward-related activity I can. I haven’t had any ministering brothers or sisters, been assigned anyone to minister to, and have had only a few sisters reach out in friendship (and they’re all mostly traveling for summer break with their kids). Most of my invitations to get to know people better have been declined.

I gave a talk that included my support of and love for LGBTQIA+ people, and many people shared that they appreciated it but others also said it wasn’t appropriate and that our leadership didn’t like it. Thankfully, I’ve been able to keep my calling and my Temple recommend for now (the latter of which was almost taken away in a previous ward due to my relatively progressive views).

It’s difficult for me to maintain my current level of participation and friction as I push back on things. I haven’t been willing to add what I expect to be an unpleasant confrontation with youth parents to my list. So I’m writing this post as a plea to parents: it’s not too late to start teaching your children the truth. If you think their faith might crumble in the face of hard truths, imagine how much worse it will be when they find out what you taught them was really just a convenient, neatly packaged lie.

I’m a mom, too, and I know the truth can be uncomfortable – as are apologies and repentance. But our kids are counting on us to lead them to truth, not to trick them into Church membership with flattery. We can’t follow Christ’s example with Nehor’s tactics. So tell them Jesus drank wine. Tell them about tough Church history. Tell them about your own mistakes. These conversations will do more for your child (and their poor Sunday School teacher) than anything fairytale falsehoods could.