Exponent II's Blog, page 47
October 29, 2024
Come Follow Me: Mormon 7–9 “I Speak unto You as If Ye Were Present”
The chapter Mormon 7 contains the last scriptures written by the prophet Mormon before his death. Editing the records of the Nephites to create the Book of Mormon was Mormon’s life work (you can read about it in the previous lesson about Mormon’s early life) so it is not surprising that he dedicates some of his final writings to a discussion of the purpose of the scriptures he has written. He asks his son, Moroni, to finish and preserve this book of scripture. We meet Moroni in the next chapter, Mormon 8. In these chapters, Mormon and Moroni share insights about what scripture is for and what it is not, in the hopes that modern readers like us will reap as much good as possible from the Book of Mormon in modern times.
Mormon describes the purpose of the Book of Mormon.In the last chapter Mormon writes in the Book of Mormon, Mormon reminds us of the purpose of the Book of Mormon and how it relates to the Bible, which he refers to as “the record which shall come unto the Gentiles from the Jews.”
According to this statement of Mormon, what is the purpose of the Book of Mormon?How do the Bible and Book of Mormon relate to each other?Why do you think Mormon chose this message as one of the last things he wrote in the Book of Mormon?What does it mean to you to “lay hold upon the gospel of Christ”?
8 Therefore repent, and be baptized in the name of Jesus, and lay hold upon the gospel of Christ, which shall be set before you, not only in this record but also in the record which shall come unto the Gentiles from the Jews, which record shall come from the Gentiles unto you.
9 For behold, this is written for the intent that ye may believe that; and if ye believe that ye will believe this also; and if ye believe this ye will know concerning your fathers, and also the marvelous works which were wrought by the power of God among them.
Mormon 7:8-9
Mormon also goes back to the beginning of his writings and adds an introduction. Today, we call his introduction “Words of Mormon.”
According to this statement by Mormon, what were his hopes for the Book fo Mormon?Has the Book of Mormon benefited you? If so, how?Moroni shares his hopes and concerns about the Book of Mormon.
1 And now I, Mormon, being about to deliver up the record which I have been making into the hands of my son Moroni, behold I have witnessed almost all the destruction of my people, the Nephites.
2 And it is many hundred years after the coming of Christ that I deliver these records into the hands of my son; and it supposeth me that he will witness the entire destruction of my people. But may God grant that he may survive them, that he may write somewhat concerning them, and somewhat concerning Christ, that perhaps some day it may profit them.
Words of Mormon 1:1-2
In Mormon 8, we learn that Mormon has died. We meet his son Moroni, who picks up the narration where his father left off. Moroni is the last living member of his family—the rest died in war—and so he knows that he will be the last author to add to this book of scripture. (Read more about Moroni in the lesson plan about Moroni’s contributions to the Book of Mormon.)
3 And my father also was killed by them, and I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of my people. But behold, they are gone, and I fulfil the commandment of my father. And whether they will slay me, I know not.
4 Therefore I will write and hide up the records in the earth; and whither I go it mattereth not.
5 Behold, my father hath made this record, and he hath written the intent thereof. And behold, I would write it also if I had room upon the plates, but I have not; and ore I have none, for I am alone. My father hath been slain in battle, and all my kinsfolk, and I have not friends nor whither to go; and how long the Lord will suffer that I may live I know not.
Mormon 8:3-5
Here, Moroni reminds us that his father, Mormon, has already written the intent of the Book of Mormon in the passages we just read. He says he would like to write about the purpose of the book as well, but he has no writing supplies and doesn’t know if he will survive the war.
Mormon entrusted his son, Moroni, with a mission to complete the book of Mormon and preserve it from destruction. Moroni foresees that eventually, this record will be found and read.
How does the Book of Mormon “shine forth out of darkness”?
16 And blessed be he that shall bring this thing to light; for it shall be brought out of darkness unto light, according to the word of God; yea, it shall be brought out of the earth, and it shall shine forth out of darkness, and come unto the knowledge of the people; and it shall be done by the power of God.
Mormon 8:16
Moroni’s people are gone and so Moroni has no audience for his words but us, his future readers. He speaks to us directly as if he is having a conversation with the people of the modern world.
35 Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But behold, Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing.
Mormon 8:35
Notice how much information is packed into this short passage:
12 And whoso receiveth this record, and shall not condemn it because of the imperfections which are in it, the same shall know of greater things than these. Behold, I am Moroni; and were it possible, I would make all things known unto you.
Mormon 8:12
According to this passage:
There are great things that aren’t in the Book of Mormon.Moroni would like to tell us more, but it’s not possible.The Book of Mormon has imperfections. (Moroni mentions this casually in passing, as if it is a given. Of course this book is not perfect!)What are these great things that are not in the Book of Mormon? The footnote links to some scriptures that have a few examples. Invite the class the read them.
12 I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.
John 16:12
6 And now there cannot be written in this book even a hundredth part of the things which Jesus did truly teach unto the people;
7 But behold the plates of Nephi do contain the more part of the things which he taught the people.
8 And these things have I written, which are a lesser part of the things which he taught the people; and I have written them to the intent that they may be brought again unto this people, from the Gentiles, according to the words which Jesus hath spoken.
9 And when they shall have received this, which is expedient that they should have first, to try their faith, and if it shall so be that they shall believe these things then shall the greater things be made manifest unto them.
10 And if it so be that they will not believe these things, then shall the greater things be withheld from them, unto their condemnation.
11 Behold, I was about to write them, all which were engraven upon the plates of Nephi, but the Lord forbade it, saying: I will try the faith of my people.
3 Nephi 26:6-11
According to these passages, why are some great things not recorded in the Book of Mormon?
15 And all this ye shall observe to do as I have commanded concerning your teaching, until the fulness of my scriptures is given.
D&C 42:15
A few verses later, Moroni returns to discuss the “imperfections” of the Book of Mormon that he had casually mentioned before in Mormon 8:12. Here is what Moroni says.
17 And if there be faults they be the faults of a man. But behold, we know no fault; nevertheless God knoweth all things; therefore, he that condemneth, let him be aware lest he shall be in danger of hell fire.
Mormon 8:17
Moroni tells us that the imperfections in the Book of Mormon are “faults of man.” Then he adds that “we know no fault.” This second statement might be interpreted to mean that Moroni has changed his mind and said, “Actually, we don’t think there are any faults in this book. We can’t find any.” But since Moroni has already acknowledged twice now that the Book of Mormon has “imperfections” and “faults,” I think it unlikely that he abruptly changes his mind. When Moroni says “we know no fault,” I think he is saying that Moroni and Mormon couldn’t find and fix the Book of Mormon’s faults because, although they assume the book has faults, they do not know exactly what the faults are. Ancient people were as susceptible to biases and misinformation as modern people. They were also products of their time, unaware of scientific discoveries and advancements in human civilization that were yet to come. Moroni, Mormon and the other authors of the Book of Mormon simply don’t know what they don’t know, and Moroni has the humility to acknowledge that.
Spoiler alert for the upcoming study of the Book of Moroni, Moroni does survive the war and go on to add scripture to the book, including adding a title page to the beginning of the book. Invite the class to read the last segment from Moroni’s Title Page of the Book of Mormon, in which Moroni states the purpose of the Book of Mormon in his own words, and again, acknowledges that there may be faults and mistakes in the book.
According to Moroni, what is the purpose of the Book of Mormon?What parallels do you see between what Moroni said in the Title Page of the Book of Mormon and what Mormon said about the purpose of the Book of Mormon? Any notable differences?Appreciating ancient scripture, not condemning it for its flaws
—Which is to show unto the remnant of the house of Israel what great things the Lord hath done for their fathers; and that they may know the covenants of the Lord, that they are not cast off forever—And also to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations—And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.
Title Page of the Book of Mormon
Moroni follows in his dad’s footsteps, editing a book of scripture called the Book of Ether and adding it to Mormon’s collection in the Book of Mormon. In Ether 12, he pauses from summarizing the record to write some of his own thoughts, including one of the most beautiful and oft-quoted scriptures in the Book of Mormon:
How does this scripture inspire you?
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
Ether 12:22-27
Because it is so beautiful, this verse is often quoted in sermons and church lessons, pulled out from its original context. I think that is fine; the concept Moroni is teaching has application well beyond the context in which he originally wrote it. Even so, it is interesting to see the verse in context, and realize that the specific weakness Moroni is talking about is Book of Mormon prophets who were poor writers, who struggled to translate God’s inspiration into written text.
How do “the meek” and the “fools” react differently to scripture?How can we improve our attitude toward scripture, even if it is flawed?
22 And it is by faith that my fathers have obtained the promise that these things should come unto their brethren through the Gentiles; therefore the Lord hath commanded me, yea, even Jesus Christ.
25 Thou hast also made our words powerful and great, even that we cannot write them; wherefore, when we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words; and I fear lest the Gentiles shall mock at our words.
24 And thou hast made us that we could write but little, because of the awkwardness of our hands. Behold, thou hast not made us mighty in writing like unto the brother of Jared, for thou madest him that the things which he wrote were mighty even as thou art, unto the overpowering of man to read them.
23 And I said unto him: Lord, the Gentiles will mock at these things, because of our weakness in writing; for Lord thou hast made us mighty in word by faith, but thou hast not made us mighty in writing; for thou hast made all this people that they could speak much, because of the Holy Ghost which thou hast given them;
26 And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
Ether 12:22-27
Revisit Mormon 8:12, Mormon 8:17, and the final line of the Title Page of the Book of Mormon. Note that every time Moroni mentions that the Book of Mormon includes imperfections, faults, or mistakes, he also adds a warning that we should not condemn it because of these failings.
12 And whoso receiveth this record, and shall not condemn it because of the imperfections which are in it, the same shall know of greater things than these. Behold, I am Moroni; and were it possible, I would make all things known unto you.
Mormon 8:12
17 And if there be faults they be the faults of a man. But behold, we know no fault; nevertheless God knoweth all things; therefore, he that condemneth, let him be aware lest he shall be in danger of hell fire.
Mormon 8:17
What are the consequences of condemning scripture for its flaws?How are those who accept scripture blessed?
And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.
The Title Page of the Book of Mormon
Which scripture heroes inspire you, despite their flaws?Scripture is not intended to replace or compete with secular texts.
The Book of Mormon prophets do not shield readers from their own vulnerability. They often introduce themselves, giving their name and family background, before sharing their story. Many of them apologize in advance for their own mistakes in their accounts. The writers frequently do not skirt around times they sinned, failed, or doubted. This is a particularly human and personal book of scripture. One of the greatest gifts the Book of Mormon can give us is the understanding that even prophets are fallible humans; a journey with God does not require flawlessness to be beautiful and valuable. This liberates us to know that we can repeatedly fail and still be called to God’s work.
Fatimah Salleh and Margaret Olsen Hemming 1 The Book of Mormon for the Least of These, Volume 1
A Woman Reading by Camille Corot, 1869 and 1870. Public domain image courtesy of the Met.When we studied the Old Testament, Come Follow Me manual writers pointed out that ancient cultures did not have the same ideas about accurately reporting history as we do in our modern world, and that was not the real intent of their writing. Since the Book of Mormon is authored by a branch of people from the same ancient culture as the Old Testament, this observation would apply to the Book of Mormon authors as well.
How does ancient scripture differ from other kinds of writings, like modern history books? How should our approach be different when we study scripture stories versus other kinds of texts?
Don’t expect the Old Testament to present a thorough and precise history of humankind. That’s not what the original authors and compilers were trying to create. Their larger concern was to teach something about God—about His plan for His children, about what it means to be His covenant people, and about how to find redemption when we don’t live up to our covenants.
—Come Follow Me for Individuals and Families: Old Testament 2022: Reading the Old Testament
Dr. Carol L. Meyers discusses storytelling in ancient scripture in more detail.
How does it change our perspective if we focus on the gospel truths scriptures teach us?
The way people in biblical antiquity accounted for their past is not the same as it is in the modern world. Nowadays we expect “history” to provide an accurate narrative of real events, though we still realize that any two eyewitness observers of an event will recall it in different ways, depending on their individual interests and prior beliefs. But this is a relatively new approach, one that was not present when biblical narratives took shape.
Like other ancient storytellers, the shapers of biblical narratives were not concerned with getting it factually right; rather, their aim was to make an important point. Their narratives could serve many different purposes, all relevant to their own time periods and the audiences they were addressing. They might take a popular legend and embellish it further—the better the story, the more likely that people would listen and learn. They used a variety of sources plus their own creative imaginations to shape their stories.
…Perhaps the best way to approach the Bible in relation to history is to stop asking whether or not it is true and rather to consider what truths its stories tell.
—Dr. Carol L. Meyers, Professor Emerita of Religious Studies, Duke University
Likewise, apostle James E. Talmage, who was the author of Jesus the Christ and a chemist and geologist by trade, and his daughter, Elsie Talmage Brandley, who was a Young Ladies’ Mutual Improvement Association General Board Member and editor of church magazines, warned against misusing scripture by using it to draw conclusions about science.
How can we avoid causing “unnecessary misunderstanding” about scientific subjects through misapplying scripture?How can we “go far and wide” in secular learning while anchored in gospel truths?Scripture study experience
We must not, now and in the latter days and especially in the church of Jesus Christ, make the word of God grounds for unnecessary misunderstanding. Quoting from the statement of a late member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles [her father, James E. Talmage “The Earth and Man” August 1931]:
“Let us not try to wrest the scriptures in an attempt to explain away what we cannot explain. The opening chapters of Genesis and scriptures related thereto were never intended as a textbook of geology, archeology, earth-science, or man-science; Holy Scripture will endure, while the conceptions of men change with new discoveries. We do not show reverence for the scriptures when we misapply them through faulty interpretation.”31
According to my belief, to know the fundamental truths of the gospel is to leave one free to go far and wide, anchored by that knowledge, in search of all else that earth and sea and skies have to teach.
Elsie Talmage Brandley, Young Ladies’ Mutual Improvement Association General Board Member and Associate Editor of the Improvement Era, “The Religious Crisis of Today” June 1934
As a class or within small groups, invite the class to re-read some of their favorite Book of Mormon scriptures in a new way. These posts from our archive suggest scripture study activities you may try.
Or, as an alternative to using class time, you may teach the class one of these methods and invite them to try it during their personal scripture study throughout the week.
Relief Society Lesson 16: The Power of the Book of MormonTry following the steps for Lectio Divina together with your class.
From Starving to Feasting – 5 Scripture Study Tips to Help Feed Your SoulWorking through the steps A, B, C and D at the end of this lesson makes a great group activity.
Teaching, No Greater Call: Using the Scriptures EffectivelyRecommended for further study
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Book of Mormon for the Least of These Volume 1
Book of Mormon for the Least of These Volume 2
Book of Mormon for the Least of These Volume 3
You’ve Been a Stay-at-Home Mom Your Entire Adult Life – Now What?
I attended an inaugural conference this past weekend in Orem, Utah for something called Elavare, a new organization designed to help moms re-enter the workforce after raising kids. It was well put together and the entire event is available online, so I wanted to share it here on the blog. (The $25 donation goes towards offering scholarships to single mothers, but can be viewed for free if you don’t have funds available to contribute.)
Since attending I’ve been thinking about my own journey as a stay-at-home mom, now wanting to re-enter the workforce but feeling totally stuck. I know I’m not unique.
I grew up in Utah with a stay-at-home mom myself. I think she would’ve been much happier in the workforce, but she was obedient to the prophet and stayed home to have two babies – my sister and then myself. (Then in an act of self autonomy, used birth control during a time it was still heavily discouraged.) She recently passed away, and in her last months someone visited her who mentioned a place she’d worked back in the 1970s. Even though we’re approaching half a century since she worked there, she wanted to tell them all about it. Her working years were a highlight of her life.
Growing up I watched women in my ward and usually thought their lives looked unfulfilling, so much so that I felt a sense of dread when I considered becoming like them. They complained about how babies had ruined their bodies and looked frazzled, chasing kids and trying to clean up after everyone. Pregnancy, babies, drudgery and housework all day did not appeal to me.
And yet, I had a burning testimony of the church. I believed the prophet spoke for God and my priesthood leaders would guide me to the best possible life I could have.
I’m happy for the women who say they didn’t experience pressure to be stay-at-home moms or get married young, or who felt the pressure but easily resisted it. Maybe in a slightly different world I could’ve been one of them, too. I was also smart, capable, motivated and ambitious – and it wasn’t enough.
I went to BYU with one hopeful goal – to graduate from college and move away from Utah before I got married. I figured that was the best way to avoid the dull looking lives of women in my ward, because I’d still probably end up a mom, but at least I could do it somewhere cooler than where I’d already lived.
It didn’t happen. I got married at 21 to my husband who already had an established career in Utah so I ended up living here. I also remember the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach at my wedding luncheon when a family member stood up and gave us strongly worded advice to not postpone having children.
It took me a while to get pregnant (over a year off of birth control), and I was secretly relieved. I thought Heavenly Father was blessing me for being so obedient by giving me more time. I was working at a job where I was very successful, and when I got a positive pregnancy test my heart sank. Everyone assumed I was excited, but I wasn’t. My husband was also deployed for 18 months to Kuwait and I was alone and pregnant and terrified. I remember talking to a friend at work right before giving birth and asking him, “Shouldn’t I be feeling excited by this point? Instead I wish I could reverse all of this, but it’s way too late now!” He was LDS, older and had four kids and a stay-at-home wife of his own. He told me not to worry because it would all kick in once the baby arrived. Women are designed for exactly this, he explained. It’s in our DNA.
Unfortunately, women aren’t robots with identical programming that makes us all want to do exactly the same thing with our lives. We are unique human beings, just like men. Unlike men though, we aren’t always granted the freedom to choose what we do with our lives.
Two decades later, I have three kids. I love my kids. I think it’s fine to love your kids but not love stay-at-home motherhood, or wish you had waited until you were older to start a family. Complicated feelings are totally okay to have when you were pushed into marriage and parenthood before you were ready.
I’ve accomplished a lot of things over the years. I’ve stayed very busy between motherhood, volunteer work and running my own business managing rental properties. I have a lot of things I can translate onto a resume as job skills, yet I still feel extremely stuck because my family’s lives revolve around me being available for everything, 24/7. I’m so sad that I missed out on all these years of having colleagues and work friends, career advancements, out of town work conferences that I’m paid to travel to, networking, business lunches at nice restaurants, bonuses and appreciation, and opportunities to use my many talents for paid work. I know I would have thrived as a career woman and it’s so hard to see all of the things my husband has experienced in his two careers (both military and civilian) because I’ve stayed at home and made it all possible for him. I went to this Elavare conference on Saturday and thought it was great, but today he’s in Arizona at a Linkedin conference listening to Mel Robbins speak live (and getting paid to do it). Our lives are so radically different and his world feels so much more expansive than mine. He’s traveled the globe and presented to CEOs and military generals while I’ve shopped at Walmart and folded a lot of laundry.
But back to the Elavare conference! If you are a mom interested in returning to the workforce at any point, I highly recommend checking this organization out and viewing the recorded event online. The speakers were inspirational and informative. How do you find your purpose, write a resume if you’ve been a mom for twenty years, interview, and interact with employers when you’ve never done it before? They covered it all! Whether you’re looking for work immediately or wanting to ease back into the workforce slowly, this will be helpful to you.
Follow them on Instagram and sign up for more information and future events. And if you are a woman entering mid-life feeling all the feelings I described above, know that you are hardly alone. The men who told us we had to live this prescribed life are all dead (or… almost dead), and I don’t want their legacy to continue past us. I wish I knew where exactly my life is headed next, but I’m very grateful for women like the ones at Elavare for reaching back and helping those of us still stuck to move forward.
I took this photo above at the conference from my unobstructed third row seat of speaker Sharlene Wells (a childhood idol of mine who won the Miss America pageant when I was 4 years old). Sheri Dew wrote her biography at Deseret Book, my sister once introduced her as a speaker at a youth fireside in my stake, and she’s had a career on television and in Washington D.C. with the Department of Defense. She’s also the mom of four who earned a master’s degree one class at a time, recently divorced, and has had to recreate herself and her career multiple times (including now, as a VP at Mountain America Credit Union). She’s the first speaker you’ll hear if you watch the conference.
(main image from unsplash.com and Sai De Silva)
***2024 is Exponent II’s 50th anniversary! Help us last another fifty years by subscribing or donating.***
What to do when your kids terrify you—a story to get you in the Halloween spirit
What do you do as a parent when your kids decide to have a terrifying imaginary friend? How do you stay the adult in the room when you have images of the child villains of horror movies running through your head?
Just in time for Halloween, I’m sharing this incredible (and creepy!) story from Lindsay Denton, Exponent II vice president and blogger. She performed her story, titled “Eyeball,” last October at Strangerville Live, a live storytelling event put on by Eli McCann. Her performance is on the Strangerville podcast, Episode 243: Eyeball, and begins at 11:27.
October 28, 2024
Not In My House
Image is Tree Of Life, by Gustav Klimt
I am hearing different terms that describe much of what is happening in this time of unprecedented tolerance of harmful behavior from people who claim the right to lead or be in authority.
One term is “Normalization.”
There has been normalization of rhetoric that condemns and dehumanizes entire groups of people, that demonizes anyone who does not align with one’s ideology, that inflames and encourages violence, that claims the right to abuse systems that were designed to benefit all and instead use them to destroy, threaten and eliminate opposition or variation.
There was a large event in Madison Square Garden last night, October 27, that was intentionally designed to echo an event from 1939, when there was a blatant attempt to legitimize the Nazi movement in the U.S. The event last night used rhetoric from that movement, and built on the “Normalization” of the dangerous rhetoric of extremist movement.
For far too long, many have dismissed language, behavior, and actions that create and build on fear, trying to justify a call for people to turn against their own neighbors, to willingly call for creation of concentration camps, to celebrate the danger to the lives and health of women all for the sake of wanting more births (regardless of needs), or demand the ability to deny the existence and care of anyone who doesn’t conform to one’s comfortably narrow view of gender.
It has become normal for people who claim to be Christian to demand denying the stranger, starving the hungry, and turning away the homeless. It has become normal for people who claim to be patriotic to take up arms to violently attempt to overthrow the constitution. It has become normal for people who claim the covenant to mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and bear one another’s burdens, to somehow idolize a convicted felon, who led a violent attempted coup which endangered his own, who sexually assaulted women and bragged about it, who condemns and demeans those who sacrifice everything for this country while aiding and abetting those who would overthrow it, who pushes policies that will increase poverty while enriching the wealthy, who openly promises to be a dictator regardless of the vote, who represents all the dangerous behaviors about which our sacred text warns us.
I find myself turning to different rhetoric.
“Not in my house.”
When I realize that things are happening in my spaces, in my communities, in my country that completely threaten and deny the ability to exist, to belong, and to experience God in relationship and community with all, it is time to say “Not in my house” just as clearly as I would if someone were entering me home and imposing intolerable, un-Godlike behavior there (We are approaching the possibility that this could happen here, just as it did with the Third Reich).
Not in my house.
Some have been saying or living this at the first sign that the world we are committed to creating is threatened. Some speak up, and take action, even at great risk, to prevent the normalization of dangerous movements.
Some are just beginning to realize that they can no longer be casual about what they are seeing or hearing. They can no longer assume that things will somehow work out, and the system will prevent things from being unchecked.
Some were not willing to see how close we have come to losing all representation or autonomy.
Some are just realizing they can’t wait for more specific direction from leaders about how important it is to be informed and involved citizens.
Some are having a hard time leaving the allegorical garden, where they know exactly what to do, and where they don’t have to be responsible or figure things out in complex ways, or exercise wisdom, and they know they can blame someone else when things don’t work out. It is frustrating, but I can’t force people to step away from that kind of perceived comfort and safety, and feel drawn toward wisdom and greater life, as Mother Eve was.
She is the great archetype for all of us for realizing when things cannot continue this way, even if they seem comfortable and predictable. Something pulled her forward towards wisdom, towards creating a world that was expansive and which inspired new life. She is the figure we are asked to follow, who could no longer normalize a limited existence of no responsibility, no difference, no variation. Even though there would be unknowns and opposition to navigate. She is my example of saying, “No more. Not in my house”.
I don’t wait for permission to follow the example of our great hero, Eve. It is mine to realize the call to see that “my house” is much larger than my relatively safe dwelling. It is much bigger than my predictable garden. My house is my existence, and my existence is in relationship with all existence. What happens to any, happens to all. Christ teaches me, when He revealed the At-One-Ment, that the only way to connect with God is to connect with all, to experience complete one-ness with all. It is beyond language, yet I am called to seek and practice it. It is not easy, or comfortable, yet it is overwhelmingly transformative.
It becomes less and less tolerable to normalize the attempts of those who refuse to allow connection and one-ness in their lives and the world which asks them to have room for all to exist and belong. At some point, it will become dangerous for everyone to exist in a world where that is normalized.
Not in my house.
The only world which calls me to live completely is the one God, my Heavenly Parents offered, and invited me into greater life and deeper breath. It involves growing towards the awareness that we all belong, that we are all known and loved, that God’s love for us is great enough to have room for all. There is no room in the house of God for hate, or fear of difference. There is no room for deportation, or idolizing abuse, or normalizing hate.
I could keep trying to limit my house to areas of supposed safety, and limited involvement. But that would require denying Christ’s call to be At-One. My activism is inspired by Christ’s invitation to one-ness.(Please see my related blogpost, “Jesus Wants Me For An Activist“) Even when it confronts me, challenges me, it has the possibility of transforming me, and transforming the world.
It is time to say, “Not in my house”, and to create a world where one-ness, not hate, is normalized.
Come Follow Me: Mormon 1–6 “I Would That I Could Persuade All … to Repent”
We’ve been reading the Book of Mormon all year, but now we’re taking that one step further and reading Mormon’s book within the Book of Mormon, which is also called the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon (the whole thing) is named for Mormon because he is the person who gathered all the Nephite records together and condensed them into one big book. We first meet Mormon in the 7th book of the Book of Mormon, which is called Words of Mormon because having two little books named Mormon compiled into a big book named Mormon is not confusing at all. That’s where Mormon introduces himself as the editor of the Nephite records and starts narrating. We hear his voice as he narrates the Books of Mosiah, Alma, Helaman, 3 Nephi and 4 Nephi. These books move us chronologically forward through time until we get to Mormon’s own lifetime, which is documented in the 13th book of the Book of Mormon and named Book of Mormon. In this book, Mormon tells his own life story with a first person narration.
Clear as mud? Good. Now try saying that three times fast like a tongue twister. Don’t trip on the word Mormon.
Mormon prepared for leadership when he was just a kid.In Mormon 1, we learn about Mormon’s early life as a child prodigy. He was selected to become the Nephite record keeper at the wee age of 10 and was working as a Nephite general by the time he was 16 years old.
While most of us will never be prodigies, all of us can follow the example of Jesus Christ as we mature from childhood to adulthood, and even as we set goals for self-improvement as adults. The scriptures teach that when Jesus was a child, he progressed intellectually, physically, spiritually and socially:
52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.
Luke 2:52
As you read these scriptures about Mormon’s childhood, consider how he followed the example of Jesus.
How did he progress intellectually?Physically?Spiritually?Socially?2 And about the time that Ammaron hid up the records unto the Lord, he came unto me, (I being about ten years of age, and I began to be learned somewhat after the manner of the learning of my people) and Ammaron said unto me: I perceive that thou art a sober child, and art quick to observe;
3 Therefore, when ye are about twenty and four years old I would that ye should remember the things that ye have observed concerning this people; and when ye are of that age go to the land Antum, unto a hill which shall be called Shim; and there have I deposited unto the Lord all the sacred engravings concerning this people.
Mormon 1:2-3
What do you think it means to be “sober” in this context?What do you think made Mormon a good observer? How can we be better observers?15 And I, being fifteen years of age and being somewhat of a sober mind, therefore I was visited of the Lord, and tasted and knew of the goodness of Jesus.
16 And I did endeavor to preach unto this people, but my mouth was shut, and I was forbidden that I should preach unto them; for behold they had wilfully rebelled against their God; and the beloved disciples were taken away out of the land, because of their iniquity.
17 But I did remain among them, but I was forbidden to preach unto them, because of the hardness of their hearts; and because of the hardness of their hearts the land was cursed for their sake.
Mormon 1:15-17
How do we “taste” the goodness of Jesus?Why is it sometimes important to “remain among” people who may not share our beliefs, without seeking to convert them?1 And it came to pass in that same year there began to be a war again between the Nephites and the Lamanites. And notwithstanding I being young, was large in stature; therefore the people of Nephi appointed me that I should be their leader, or the leader of their armies.
Mormon 2:1
12 Behold, I had led them, notwithstanding their wickedness I had led them many times to battle, and had loved them, according to the love of God which was in me, with all my heart; and my soul had been poured out in prayer unto my God all the day long for them; nevertheless, it was without faith, because of the hardness of their hearts.
Mormon 3:12
How can we maintain good relationships with people who may not share our beliefs?
Young prophet Mormon as portrayed in a video produced by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day SaintsBad times did not lead to humility for Mormon’s people.We often read scriptures in which hard times lead people to become more humble, repent, and improve their situations. Unfortunately, that was not the case for the Nephites of Mormon’s time.
10 And it came to pass that the Nephites began to repent of their iniquity, and began to cry even as had been prophesied by Samuel the prophet; for behold no man could keep that which was his own, for the thieves, and the robbers, and the murderers, and the magic art, and the witchcraft which was in the land.
11 Thus there began to be a mourning and a lamentation in all the land because of these things, and more especially among the people of Nephi.
12 And it came to pass that when I, Mormon, saw their lamentation and their mourning and their sorrow before the Lord, my heart did begin to rejoice within me, knowing the mercies and the long-suffering of the Lord, therefore supposing that he would be merciful unto them that they would again become a righteous people.
13 But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance, because of the goodness of God; but it was rather the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin.
14 And they did not come unto Jesus with broken hearts and contrite spirits, but they did curse God, and wish to die. Nevertheless they would struggle with the sword for their lives.
Mormon 2:10-14
Why didn’t the trials the Nephites experienced lead to humility and repentance?How can we experience personal growth during times of trial? What attitudes and behaviors should we cultivate, and which should we avoid?Consider this contrasting example from a more repentant people.
9 Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.
10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
11 For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.
2 Corinthians 7:9-11
What are the differences between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow?Divine discontent comes when we compare “what we are [to] what we have the power to become.” Each of us, if we are honest, feels a gap between where and who we are, and where and who we want to become. We yearn for greater personal capacity. We have these feelings because we are daughters and sons of God, born with the Light of Christ yet living in a fallen world. These feelings are God given and create an urgency to act.
We should welcome feelings of divine discontent that call us to a higher way, while recognizing and avoiding Satan’s counterfeit—paralyzing discouragement. This is a precious space into which Satan is all too eager to jump. We can choose to walk the higher path that leads us to seek for God and His peace and grace, or we can listen to Satan, who bombards us with messages that we will never be enough: rich enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, anything enough. Our discontent can become divine—or destructive.
…Divine discontent leads to humility, not to self-pity or the discouragement that comes from making comparisons in which we always come up short.
“Divine Discontent” Michelle D. Craig, First Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, October 2018
How can we cultivate humility?How can we avoid discouragement?Good times did not lead to gratitude for Mormon’s people.3 And I did cry unto this people, but it was in vain; and they did not realize that it was the Lord that had spared them, and granted unto them a chance for repentance. And behold they did harden their hearts against the Lord their God.
Mormon 3:3
9 And now, because of this great thing which my people, the Nephites, had done, they began to boast in their own strength, and began to swear before the heavens that they would avenge themselves of the blood of their brethren who had been slain by their enemies.
Mormon 3:9
Why didn’t the Nephites acknowledge how God had blessed them?Why is it important to acknowledge God’s influence?I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.
More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.
…My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done.
“O Remember, Remember” Henry B. Eyring, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, October 2007
How can we better recognize God’s blessings in our lives?How can we cultivate gratitude?October 27, 2024
The Garment Tax
Women pay a higher garment tax than men. What do I mean by ‘garment tax’? I don’t mean the monetary cost of garments. I mean that it costs women more time and effort to find clothing that covers the garment. I mean that the garment makes it harder for women to deal with normal human biology. I also mean that women repeatedly have to make value judgements between what they want to express with their clothing and what the garment patterns permit. Men pay a garment tax as well, but it’s not nearly as high as the cost women are obliged to pay.
Let me first say that I don’t mind paying taxes. I want our roads and parks to be well maintained. I want funding for public schools and libraries. I want safety nets for people who experience poverty or disability. I want these good things for my community, even if I’m not a direct beneficiary. Similarly, I have no problem with expecting members to contribute to the church community. It takes time, talent, and resources to build a supportive community. Each individual may pay a different amount of tax money to the government, depending on their life’s circumstances. A person’s share of taxes may or may not seem fair. Women generally pay a higher garment tax than men. Members have wide ranging perceptions as to whether or not this is fair.
Women pay a time tax. Finding garment-compatible clothing can cost a woman a substantial amount of time, even at stores known for selling fairly conservative items. The time-cost of the shopping trip can easily be more than the value of the desired clothing item, even for low wage earners. If it takes a woman three hours to find an appropriate shirt, those are three hours she cannot spend doing other work. This is a time tax that men do not have to pay, because men’s garments are compatible with the majority of men’s clothing. I’ve purchased shirts in a color or style that don’t look great on me simply because they fit me and cover garments, and I’d already spent hours looking for something I liked. Reducing the width of the sleeve will make it a little easier to find garment-compatible women’s shirts. This should reduce the time-tax, but it won’t eliminate it because women will still struggle to find items that cover the ‘open sleeve’, and the neckline, and the armpit, and the back, and the hem of their garment top.
Women pay a health tax. Many women struggle with garments when they are on their periods. Maternity garments are a joke. I appreciate that the new slip bottoms give more options for women who struggle with infections. A slip is one of the easiest pieces of clothing to make, but women have been paying this tax for decades.
Women pay a values tax. Garments are supposed to teach members values like modesty, piety, and self-restraint. Both men and women can feel good wearing clothing that helps them embody these qualities. Garments are generally compatible with current western male fashions, so men don’t need to curate their wardrobe much to accommodate garments. However, garments compel women to adopt a unique Mormon style, and women are obliged to display their values in the length of their shorts and width of their sleeves. This visibility allows women to be more easily judged by other members of their church community. Women also pay a social cost for wearing garments. The extent of what a woman can express with her clothing is much smaller if she wears garments. This can affect how she is perceived by friends, family, and coworkers, particularly non-members. A woman may be unable to find a garment-compatible way to convey what she wants to communicate through her clothing choices. This difficulty can be related to the time tax: a woman may want to wear garments, but she may not be able to find what she needs in the requisite time-frame. Garments are another way of silencing women because they curtail the socially acceptable range of what a woman can say through her clothing choices.
I understand that when I pay taxes, I will never agree with how every dollar of my money is spent. When I disagree with the details, I can write to my representatives, vote for people who share my values, or run for office myself. When I disagree with church policy, I don’t have these options. Members have been discouraged from writing to general church leaders. Instead, they are told to go to their Stake President, even if he has no authority to enact the requested change. My sustaining vote represents support for someone selected for a calling, but that selection was ultimately made by a man. Women can only make recommendations. Female church leaders are chosen by men, and men typically choose female leaders who will not challenge their patriarchal dominance. The way the church is currently structured, women are barred from being in any position of ultimate decision-making authority.
The announcement of “open sleeve” and slip garments lowers the garment tax for women, which is wonderful. I wish I wanted to celebrate the new garment styles, and I know many women feel similarly. There are two reasons why this change causes painful feelings. First, the past taxes women have paid are non-refundable. Women can’t get back the unholy amount of time they’ve spent searching for clothes that cover their garments. They can’t forget the high level of emotional work they’ve invested over a few inches of fabric covering their shoulders. This kind of hurt can be soothed with validation. It would be helpful if the institutional church did more to validate feelings members may have when changes are made. The second reason for pain is deeper. Bigger. More difficult, but also more important to address: women are being taxed without representation.
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I’ve Been Overwriting My Programming for Years Now
This month I took my son to The Wild Robot in the theater. The book by the same title was my little boy’s favorite for several years. He just turned thirteen and is growing up fast.
The main character Roz is the ideal robotic domestic servant. She is designed to cheerfully go about “increasing free time and happiness by 40%” for whatever human(s) might purchase her. She and identical robots are shipped off to be sold on a consumer market. During a storm, a cargo ship carrying Roz is capsized and her crate is thrown to the shore of a rocky, forested island. Curious otters accidentally activate her. Roz boots up and eagerly searches for a consumer to give her tasks among the confused animals.
After an unpleasant encounter with a bear, Roz stumbles off a cliff and falls on a goose nest, crushing two goose parents and all but one of their eggs. She carefully collects the surviving egg. It soon hatches, and the gosling imprints on her and starts following her everywhere. Roz is advised by the island’s animals that she now has an important series of tasks. She has become an adoptive parent and must feed the gosling, help him learn to swim and fly, and make sure he takes his first migratory flight in the fall. Roz’s gosling, Brightbill, is a runt, making these tasks more challenging, and she also learns that if he doesn’t learn to fly and take off with the other birds, he likely won’t survive the winter.
Roz accepts her new responsibilities, but she’s clueless and makes a lot of mistakes. She’s eager to get the tasks done as quickly and efficiently as possible. She tries to feed her gosling a pinecone. She blasts his tiny body into the air trying to help him learn to fly. She shoots him into the water with no preparation or support. Trying to rush and force success gets her nowhere.
Just as Roz starts to gain some wisdom and competency as a parent, things become more challenging. Brightbill learns the truth about the origins of their relationship, that is, how Roz accidentally crushed his parents. He resents what happened, as well as how being raised by her has made him socially awkward and snubbed by other animals, especially his own kind. He starts turning away from Roz.
Desperate for help processing all this, Roz boots up a fellow, mostly corroded robot from a storm-tossed crate to have someone to help her process her situation. The robot accesses Roz’s drives and detects that she has overwritten her own programming. The less experienced robot is alarmed, and starts to treat Roz as defective and off-course.
But Roz has already grown out of such frameworks for thinking about herself. “I’ve been overwriting my programming for months now,” she asserts with frustration. She explains that has had to overwrite her instructions in order to have any hope of accomplishing her tasks. The more she pushes Brightbill or tries to force progress, the less he trusts her. Roz is learning that relationships and personal growth are much more complex than her programming accounted for. She was made for straightforward tasks, but ended up with the challenges of intimate and emotional parenting work.
As Roz said, “I’ve been overwriting my programming for months now,” I started to cry in the theater and began to the relate to the film on a whole new level.
I was programmed to be a certain kind of task-oriented domestic servant to the Church. Having children and keeping them fully anchored in the faith were the major objectives set for me by others. And the stakes the Church set for me couldn’t be higher: eternal happiness and salvation for me and for them. It has been treated as mandatory to make sure children adhere to the Church’s teachings and live its standards–to launch any boys off on missions, and make sure all children were sealed in the temple. To make sure they conform to the Church’s teachings, standards, and objectives for them. But like Roz, how I was conditioned wasn’t well-suited to the real needs of being a parent.
Roz is aware that when things go wrong, she is mandated by her manufacturers to send out a signal so they can collect her and correct her malfunction or damage. But as she experiences life with Brightbill, Roz loses confidence that such an act will be rewarding or even the right thing to do. She recognizes that the obedience and task-fixated programming made being Brightbill’s caretaker and interacting with the island’s wildlife dangerous for everyone involved. Her programming was not in her own interest, her child’s or her neighbors’. Obnoxious marketing techniques integrated into her behaviors such as pinning “potential customer” stickers on others were designed only to benefit her manufacturers and their bank accounts.
Roz comes to fully think and act for herself and even to rebel against her manufacturers. As Brightbill takes his flight away from the island, they both see that their months together (while rough and confusing) have led to a strong and caring attachment to each other. Both have sacrificed greatly to make their relationship work. Although Roz originally planned to return to her manufacturers after completing her task to launch Brightbill in his migratory flight, she chooses to stay on the island, wait for his return, and to become a permanent resident. (When they are finally reunited, and exchange the words “I love you” for the first time, I could hear that I was not the only one crying in the audience). Roz deliberately overwrites obedience and loyalty to her manufacturers with family loyalty and love. She’ll no longer be a servant to those who assert authority over her for their own use. She’ll be a protector for her adoptive child and the wildlife in her home. She actively, physically fights her manufacturers when they come try to collect her.
I’ve been overwriting my programming for years now. Ever since I’ve had adolescents, they have been challenging things I was taught to strictly uphold. I was programmed to be content in a patriarchal system, even to believe that this was the sacred and unquestionable will and order of God. My children’s pain and difficulty living in that system led me to overwrite that programming. I was programmed to trust the church’s lead on moral issues and let them call the shots for me, including concerning the intersection of queerness and faith. Yet my kids as well as young adults I work with imploded my assumptions and led me to become more humble and open about this. I was programmed to show disapproval of my children if they didn’t adopt Latter-day Saint doctrines, lifestyles, and goals, even to reject and disown them to a degree when this happened. I felt programmed to make our relationship about them pleasing me by conforming to religion. But my interactions with my children revealed that this programming was manipulative, unloving, and even anti-family.
My programming didn’t help me to know what to do when my children were skeptical and questioning, or when they experienced dissonance with church teachings and policies, or felt judged or controlled by leaders. My programming made me anxious and controlling and forceful about belief, standards, and religion. This consistently just made things worse. My programming wasn’t in my best interest. Nor was it in my children’s best interest. It was dangerous to our relationships and to my children’s psychological and spiritual well-being. It seems now like it was meant to benefit someone else. While I trust there are many good intentions to help people have spirituality among the Church’s directive team, it nevertheless feels like all this undue pressure to keep my children fully active in the church was really mostly about having more tithe-paying, mission serving members to populate the Church and support the goals of those at the top. That it was really about the institution’s anxiety about its own survival rather than about heavenly or spiritual things. Our theology has beautiful and transcendent pieces but teachings about the three degrees of glory and what it takes to be eternally safe and united in the one most optimal place, as well as teachings about us being the one true Church and the only path to God yields so many rotten and toxic fruits in our emotional lives and family relationships.
At Church, I’ve found my children haven’t been taught to swim or fly in the gospel gradually or with sufficient compassion. It has often been a throw-you-in, sink-or-swim kind of experience. If kids can’t hack it, won’t believe one thing or another, or aren’t committed to the normative covenant path and mission checklist here and now at age 12 or 15, they often feel out of luck. They are quick to sense they don’t really belong in the Church and are not right with God in others’ minds. Lately, the Church often takes a robotic, efficiency-driven, heavy-handed, corporate approach to passing down our faith heritage instead of doing the hard work of mentoring kids and meeting them where they are actually at. “Covenant path” messaging is frequently experienced as oppressive and suffocating rather than inspiring or joyful. Our youth mentoring is sometimes actually anti-growth and anti-spiritual. A friend recently told me that her young adult left the Church because even though his youth leaders were decent enough and cared about him, he weighed the balance, and the religion’s approach to life tore him down more than it built him up.
As an independent-thinking parent, I have become like Roz, a Wild Robot. Taught to be conformist, obedient and task-oriented, I’ve written hard-earned wisdom over my old hard drive. Differentiated spiritual experiences and interpretations cover my soul like the moss and lichen that grow on Roz during her time on the island. I’m no longer interested in serving and pleasing religious authorities for the sake of doing so. They underestimated my capacities and willingness to claim independence and adapt to adversity. These authorities also miscalculated how much my loyalty toward the institution could diminish if they failed to provide my children with a spiritually healthy, accommodating, and loving experience in the Church.
I’m still involved in Church because God’s love, my personal spirituality, and spiritual community are all really important to me and I want to pass down faith and spirituality to my kids. But now my kids’ well-being and family life comes first. I’m not afraid of being different, disagreeing with those who try to assert authority over me, or carving out space for my kids to show up as themselves. Will I complete the checklist? While I would be happy for my children to benefit from Latter-day Saint faith and spirituality as much as I have, and while I role model this, I see that their personal choices of religion as future adults are out of my control. This is not actually my task.
What faith and spirituality boil down to (that actually matters) is loving connection with something greater than ourselves. If the Church fails to offer that in their lives, they probably aren’t going to launch in this community. While I am a believer, I honestly don’t know if I would want them to if they don’t feel love and belonging and peace in the Church. Roz’s successful launch of Brightbill into goose society only works out because the geese who once snubbed and mocked him humble themselves and learn to embrace him and his differences. (Will a similar loving adjustment that includes kids who don’t easily believe or belong ever be made in our institution?) If my kids don’t feel at peace or at home in Mormonism, I will help them nonetheless in building a satisfying and meaningful adulthood according to what they perceive is best for them.
My actual job is fostering loving and healthy relationships in which we can talk honestly and respectfully about things that are important to us. Like Roz, here I am trying to become competent and wise as a parent in complicated times. I’m trying to help my children swim and fly in life, catching them when they fall. Without pushing, I’m inviting them to stay open to ways spirituality can enrich their lives. I’ve learned at work that children pretty consistently uphold some of the values and principles that their parents lived me once they are adults themselves. It might not be anything we directly teach them–it is what we sincerely live by and care about. They might not participate in the same religion, for example, but intergenerational spiritual values are persistent. This gives me hope that my children will be resilient and know how to build a centered, loving life guided by good principles as I try to live this way myself.
October 26, 2024
Can spicy romance novels unite Mormon and Ex-Mormon women?
Some topics, like if and how to wear garments, divide Mormon women from each other and from Ex-Mormon women. But I’ve started to wonder, might a shared love for romance novels be the thing that unites us all?
When work is busy and stressful, I like to escape into fun books. During finals while in grad school, that meant I might reread the entire Twilight series. More recently, as a historian and busy mom of four, that has been listening to spicy romance audiobooks—Emily Henry books, the A Court of Thorns and Roses series, Fourth Wing, etc.
While booktok affectionately calls these novels “smut” because of their adult sex scenes—scenes that led the Utah Legislature to ban the ACOTAR series from public schools—I’ve learned that there are different levels of explicitness to romance novels and that the books I’ve been reading rank as “spicy” rather than “smut” by those in the know. These books have far more heat than the closed-door, sweet romances sold at Deseret Book (Hi, author friends of mine who write some of these!), but far less than the extreme end of erotica. And then there are tons of subgenres—Regency romance, dark romance, romantasy, hockey romance, and more.
Though the novels I mentioned are wildly popular best sellers, it has still surprised me that when I post about these books on social media, I get comments from what I’d consider a full spectrum of current and former LDS women. From active, believing, calling-holding, temple-attending women to those who left the church right after high school and never looked back, the whole spectrum seems to be reading and loving these books. Caroline wrote in 2011 about noticing this same phenomenon among women in her wards.
I have some thoughts on what draws Mormon women raised in purity culture to these novels, like the chance to explore sexual topics and ideas in a safe environment, but we are also just participating in the larger culture. We’re peculiar, but not that peculiar.
I live in Utah County, and our first romance-only bookstore opened this week. It’s called Lagg and is located on Main Street in Lehi. This is NOT a sponsored post, but I visited the store and thought it was a vibe. Cute displays, book merch, and an Instagram-worthy photo opp wall. If my social media feed is any indication, both active and ex-Mormon women are flocking to the store. Is this a sign that our too-divided, judgemental culture is healing?
Do you read romance novels? And at what spice level? Do you live in an area with a romance-only bookstore?
Let’s actually root out racism
Realizing My Church Community was Racist: Situation #1:
In 2018 I was a primary teacher for the 11 year olds. The lesson was on a story where believers were being persecuted for their beliefs. Our discussion became really rich when we started talking about bullying and racism and how important it is to love others no matter how they might be different from you. It was the best discussion that primary class ever had.
Later the primary president called and said that there’d been an anonymous parent complaint about the lesson. When I told the primary president my side of the story, she apologized for even bringing it up and told me not to change a thing I’m doing. Still, I was left wondering why I bring my children to a community where if you mention “racism” someone gets offended.
Realizing My Church Community was Racist: Situation #2:
In 2019 I was a gospel doctrine teacher. The adult Sunday School lesson was on being more inclusive. I pulled up the gospel essay on race on a projector and led a discussion on how, when we are in a church with a negative/ complex history regarding race, we can foster inclusivity. I knew that people might get frazzled about the gospel essay which is why I pulled it up on the projector. That way they had to know that I was reading directly from the church website and it was all officially “approved.”
But that didn’t stop the old white man from calling me out, saying my lesson was too critical of church leaders (REMINDER: WHAT I READ WAS FROM THE CHURCH WEBSITE!). He stayed after class even longer to make sure I understood how bad my lesson was. I said to him, “If we can’t have conversations like this, there is no room for me in this church.” I walked away and burst into tears.
I cried and cried and cried. I wanted to brush it off as some old white guy that I didn’t have to listen to. But I knew that the real problem in my mind wasn’t really about that man. It was that I was choosing to raise my children in a community where it is okay to be openly racist but not socially acceptable to be anti-racist.
And that’s a tough pill to swallow. Church should be a place where a community helps me teach my children values. But what if I don’t share values with that community?
President Nelson Asks Us to Root Out Racism
In 2020, President Nelson asked us to root out racism. I heard a couple people talk about it for a second, but not much changed either at a local or churchwide level.
In order for local church communities to recognize their racism and ROOT IT OUT, the Church would benefit from a few important small things:
If Church headquarters made a formal apology about Black individuals not getting the Priesthood, it might do a lot to help Black members feel heard/seen. It also might help the old white men in Sunday School to recognize that the Church hasn’t always been perfect and we might need to do some repairing and discussing now.If Church headquarters made a bigger effort to call leaders of color, it would be nice because representation matters! (Check out Ramona’s blogpost on that very idea if you haven’t already)
If local leaders made a bigger effort to call out and talk about racism, the subject could become less taboo and we could try to get to the root of it.
If individuals got over their fears and discussed it openly, there may be some backlash (and the backlash hurts because it’s hard to realize that the people in your community are racist!), but I do think those little comments will eventually help create change.
What do you think? How can we root out racism in our church communities?
October 25, 2024
Happy Disability Employment Awareness Month!
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In the United States, October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month, a time to recognize the accomplishments of people with disabilities and advocate for a future that ensures they have access to equitable opportunities for work. I’ve previously written about how to include people with disabilities at church, and Beelee wrote a great post earlier this year titled, “On National Disability Independence Day, Rank Your Ward Building.”
Of course, it’s important to talk about all the structural and systemic ways we need to become more accessible and inclusive as an institution. But for Disability Employment Awareness Month, I wanted to recognize the contributions of people with disabilities not just to what society normally considers work but also to the crucial spiritual work underpinning our religion. The only examples of disabled people that came to my mind when I tried to think of examples I already knew from church were those in the Scriptures who were healed by Jesus – usually unnamed, and usually “cured” of their disability by the Savior. (To learn more about why this framing is problematic and can deeply hurt people with disabilities, I recommend reading the book Disability and the Way of Jesus by Bethany McKinney Fox.)
Instead, I’ll take today’s post to share the contributions of some people with disabilities. Here are a few people with disabilities from our day who have definitely done a mighty spiritual work:
Ollie Cantos : Former councilman in the city of West Covina, California, lawyer, and White House staffer Ollie Cantos, who is blind, became the legal guardian of three blind triplets born in Colombia and raised in the United States: Steven, Nick, and Leo. He showed the triplets that being blind did not mean they needed to live in relative isolation as their biological family had kept them previously. All three triplets became Eagle Scouts, with Leo saying, it was “fun because of all the things we got to do that we never knew we could.” All four are converts to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who have taught and given hope to millions of people with disabilities inside and outside the church. Ollie said, “Sometimes people think our number one prayer is to be healed. That is honestly not on our minds. We just feel the way we are is the way the Lord made us, and because of that, we are grateful for who we are. It is the experience of blindness that positively binds us together, and that’s why we are a family now. We are just here to improve a little every day. We don’t feel that being blind is such a big deal. The real problem that comes with blindness is what people think about blindness; it’s not the blindness itself. God loves us just as we are, and he does not make mistakes.”Sterling Wyatt and Christian Wyatt: Sterling and Christian Wyatt were brothers born with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. They were wheelchair users with severe mobility limitations whose condition included a prognosis of likely not living past age 30. Still, they wanted to serve missions and, with the help of their retired maternal grandparents, they served full-time missions in Ogden, Utah as referral clerks. They paved the way for other people with disabilities to serve full-time missions in a modified way.You can read more contemporary stories under the “Articles” section of the Church webpage for Individuals with Disabilities.
Here are a few historical examples, as well:
James Hendricks : James Hendricks “became disabled when he was injured in a conflict with a mob at the battle of Crooked River in Missouri. Shot in the neck, he was paralyzed from the neck down…In Nauvoo, the couple ran a boarding house across the street from the temple block. At Winter Quarters, they departed for the Salt Lake Valley in the Jedediah Grant company in 1847. In Salt Lake City, Brother Hendricks served as a bishop and helped to fight the cricket infestation by crawling between rows of corn and pounding the ground with his fists. For 10 years, the couple eked out a living by managing a bathhouse located north of the city. They then moved to Cache County, where Brother Hendricks died in 1870.” Charles Walker Hyde : Charles Walker Hyde was “born in 1814 in New York state with a congenital defect in his feet and ankles. Charles was 34 when the family left Winter Quarters for Salt Lake City under leadership of Elder Lorenzo Snow, and though he had some mobility with crutches, it is likely that Charles rode in one of the wagons. In 1852, he married, and a year later, at the age of 39, was ordained a patriarch under the hands of President Brigham Young and his counselors in the First Presidency. During his service in the Salt Lake Stake, he gave more than 7,000 patriarchal blessings before his death at age 77.” Marianne Fisher and Linda Braithwaite : Marianne Fisher was the first blind person and Linda Braithwaite was the third blind person to have ever sung in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (now the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square). They were part of the choir for 17 years and 20 years, respectively. They advocated for inclusion, mobility tools, and Braille literacy, including Braille music literacy.
It’s so frustrating to see people with disabilities in the church continually framed as needing a cure or only needing to be ministered to, when in fact people with disabilities have always and will always be an important part of the community whose contributions are essential. I would love it if someone someday could go through the Mormon historical archives and personal journals of our ancestors and get more accounts from people with disabilities who made significant contributions to early Church history. I know more stories are out there, but I had a really hard time finding them. If you know of any, please share them in the comments below!
