Exponent II's Blog, page 43

No One Mourns The Wicked

A reflection on violence and death as punishment within scripture

“The Book of Mormon records the destruction of individuals and societies that embraced wickedness and allowed secret combinations to exist. At the same time, the Book of Mormon also teaches that we can live righteously despite living in a wicked environment.” – LDS Book of Mormon Study Manual Lesson 25

Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash

As soon as our babies are old enough to sit in a little chair we teach them to fold their arms and walk reverently to the LDS primary room for spiritual nourishment. There, our children learn songs about Heavenly Father and how to live their lives so that they may return to live with Him and their earthly families again someday. We learn specific ways to live in order to reach that goal. We must be baptized and participate in additional living ordinances. We must live by our Articles of Faith and protect our testimonies. We must not be deceived and descend into wickedness. 

I was one of those kids who listened intently early on, always ready to raise my hand and always eager for my turn to give a talk or say the prayer. I’d actively try to make things easier for the teachers. Because I listened so intently, I was very aware of the violence thrust upon the wicked and, yes, it did deter me from wanting to sin and made me quick to repent when I did. 

Like many children raised with Christian beliefs, the first story I remember learning is the one about Noah’s flood. In primary, a chorus of children’s voices sing “Noah was a prophet called to preach the word, tried to cry repentance but nobody heard. They were busy sinning – Noah preached in vain. They wished they had listened when they saw the rain.” I remember singing this verse with particular gusto, those people sinning “got their comeuppance” and I didn’t feel sad for them. After all, no one mourns the wicked. It genuinely was decades before my brain started asking questions like “were there no pregnant people on the earth at that time? Were the toddlers already wicked? How?” Those questions bothered me, but nobody talked about it. The earth started over again with Noah’s family and that was that. 

At ages 3 through 12 the felt fabric story pieces and illustrations used to teach me exposed me to violence. Sometimes even costumes were provided so we could act out the scripture stories. I learned about Nephi cutting off the head of Laban and putting on his clothes to trick guards. I learned the story of Ammon who chopped off the arms of robbers which were then carried and laid at the King’s feet (Alma 17:33-39). In every example of wicked people being killed I felt the satisfaction of justice for the Lord because I was on the Lord’s side and anyone who wasn’t was an enemy. 

Who’s on the Lord’s side? Who?
Now is the time to show.
We ask it fearlessly:
Who’s on the Lord’s side? Who?
We wage no common war,
Cope with no common foe.
The enemy’s awake;
Who’s on the Lord’s side? Who?
(Lyrics to “Who’s on the Lord’s side”)

As an adult, I loved teaching primary. I loved my students and loved teaching them the gospel. I never wanted them to go hide in the mother’s lounge to avoid class like I had sometimes done in my last years of primary. I glossed over the stories that included violence by justifying it; yes, Lot’s wife got turned to a pillar of salt for looking back at the city being destroyed and yeah that may seem a bit harsh but really, what did she expect when being disobedient? We are taught that the first law of heaven is obedience so it makes sense that the punishment would be extreme, right? 

Practically every person reading this has probably experienced social media posts that turn into major disagreements. I was a part of one that started off by me responding to a post by a ward member asking if the new Jurassic World movie was appropriate for kids. I commented that I thought it was fine to bring kids to. I explained that there was one part that could be scary because a person gets swallowed by a pterodactyl but that my 6 year old had laughed during this scene of the movie. I got a quick reply questioning what kind of parent I must be to have raised a child who would laugh at someone being eaten by a pterodactyl. They questioned my parenting and my child’s adjustment. I felt so angry. 

Once the anger from having my parenting skills questioned eased, I began to take a mental inventory of my child’s exposure to violence. I thought about the TV shows that my child watched with me and in family settings and felt/feel extremely guilty for introducing violence into their growing mind. My inventory started within my home and expanded outward. As it expanded outward the exposure to violence grew. I suddenly looked at the scripture cartoons differently. I saw the gospel art kit with a fresh set of eyes. The pictures I’d grown up with of the crucifixion, the martyrdom of Joseph Smith, his tarring and feathering in graphic detail, the attempted sacrifice of Isaac, the severed arms of robbers, the destruction of Zarahemla, and King Solomon threatening to cut a baby in half now seemed gratuitously graphic. The rape, torture, murder, and eating of Lamanite women in Moroni Chapter 9 immediately came to mind when I was mentally cataloging violent scriptures. 

“… after depriving [the daughters] of that which was most dear and precious above all things, which is chastity and virtue. … they did murder them in a most cruel manner, torturing their bodies even unto death; and after they have done this, they devour their flesh like unto wild beasts.” (Moroni 9:9-10)

My entire world view was challenged during my mental inventory of exposure to violence. My eagerness for the Second Coming and its corresponding destruction of the wicked suddenly felt yucky. I questioned my tolerance and justification for violence. When I tried to rewatch a movie I had enjoyed as a teenager (Reservoir Dogs,) I almost puked. Something was not the same, something had changed within me. I feel sorrow for feeling no sympathy about the “righteous” destruction of human beings prior to my mindset being challenged. I think it was unfair and cruel of me to have assumed everyone affected by violence in our scriptures and our world deserved it or was necessary collateral in the battle for righteousness.  I don’t understand why I just accepted violence as a normal consequence for so long even though I understand that I was taught to embrace it as a natural consequence for breaking the Lord’s commandments. When I learned about the early Church’s use of blood oaths and blood atonement (a question that was asked of Utah jurors in death penalty cases up until 1994), it didn’t bother me. In fact, it made sense to me. 

Now in my late forties, I look at the conflicts in our country and around our globe and recognize a thirst for violence. I hear people in my country speak of another civil war as an inevitability. People use the phrase “culture wars” and I have to wonder if it’s to create distance from the very real human beings whose lives are at stake during a time of record breaking number of hate crimes. I wonder if people confuse their own religious commitment to the Lord with their obligation to let others live according to the dictates of their own conscience. 

We are religiously primed to dehumanize people we see as wicked. We listen to prophets describe those who have descended into wickedness with phrases like “poisoned wells, dead trees, bitter fruit, Sons of Perdition, etc.” When drawing the map of the Plan of Salvation on church chalkboards we draw a line that shows a separate destination for the wicked and we label it “Outer Darkness.” Perhaps it’s time to question why we see them as “wicked” and to question why we teach children to look forward to the glorious day of Christ’s return when “the proud and wicked will be burned as stubble.”

When we’re separating wheat from tares, when we’re burning the vineyard, when we’re flooding the earth, we are teaching children that the horrific deaths of fellow humans is acceptable, and even worthy of celebration, because they are not righteous like us, they’re “wicked”. An omnipotent God doesn’t need humans who are prone to bias and tribalism to mete out His will or to cheer on His punishments as good news. He certainly doesn’t need us to condemn parents for taking their kids to story time led by a person with big hair and extravagant make-up while we take ours to hear about murder (but for good reasons, right?) 

What are your earliest memories of violence within scripture/church instruction? How have you navigated violence in scripture for yourself or with your children? We’d love to hear from you: https://exponentii.org/submit-a-guest...

When Gratitude Becomes Emotional Bypassing

Last week was Thanksgiving and in many LDS homes around the US, you might have seen people going around the table and discussing the things they are grateful for. Sometimes this is voluntary, sometimes it’s obligatory. In my home, it was both. 

What struck me this year was my children’s responses. Since January, my kids have gone through their parents’ divorce and separation, their mom’s diagnosis of a brain tumor which amounted to multiple hospital stays, and their dad’s job loss. For all accounts and purposes, this was an exceptionally difficult year. So while my kids had plenty to say about gratitude, they also had plenty to say about all of the hard things in their lives and it struck me how important it is for them to have space for both. 

There is plenty of sturdy research that extols the virtues of gratitude. Gratitude has been shown to improve things like psychological functioning, physical health, relationships, and even career development. Aligned with the research, gratitude is a cornerstone of Latter-day Saint teachings, often praised as a virtue that can transform lives, deepen faith, and provide strength during trials. But while gratitude has the potential to uplift and heal, I have seen in my own life and in the lives of others how the push for gratitude can easily fall into emotional bypassing.  This tendency becomes even more pronounced in discussions around the experiences of women within the church, where societal and cultural expectations of gratitude can intersect with gendered patterns of emotional labor and self-sacrifice.

What is Emotional Bypassing?

Emotional bypassing happens when individuals use spiritual or emotional practices—such as gratitude—to sidestep or suppress negative emotions, rather than processing and resolving them. This can look like using gratitude to dismiss feelings of pain, grief, or frustration by focusing solely on the blessings in your life. While counting blessings can be a helpful exercise, it can also prevent someone from fully engaging with the complexities of emotional or spiritual struggles.

For women, this dynamic often interacts with broader cultural expectations of nurturing, caregiving, and selflessness. LDS women are frequently encouraged to “choose joy,” serve others tirelessly, and focus on gratitude as a way to manage the stressors of their many responsibilities. While these principles are intended to seem empowering, they can inadvertently reinforce patterns where women feel pressured to ignore their own needs or silence their valid frustrations.

The Gendered Pressure to “Choose Joy”

In the church, gratitude is sometimes presented as a remedy for every emotional challenge, but the pressure to “choose joy” often falls disproportionately on women. Here’s some examples I’ve seen:

In motherhood: Mothers navigating exhaustion or postpartum depression may feel pressure to be “grateful” for their trials because motherhood is their most “divine role.” This might prevent them from having space to discuss their challenges or seek professional help.In leadership or service: Women in demanding callings may feel unable to voice feelings of overwhelm for fear of being seen as ungrateful or not up to the task.In discussions of equality: Women expressing concerns about gender inequities in church roles or policies might be told that they need to be more grateful for their roles.  This response can dismiss their concerns, implying that gratitude should override a desire for progress or change.

These well-meaning but dismissive responses reflect a broader cultural pattern where women’s voices are softened, their struggles minimized, and their resilience assumed.

Gratitude, Authenticity, and Empowerment

Gratitude should never be a weapon used to silence valid emotions or concerns, especially for women who may already carry a heavy burden of emotional labor within their families, communities, and church. Instead, gratitude can coexist with the full spectrum of human experience, including anger, grief, doubt, and the pursuit of change.

As women, the best way to ensure gratitude serves as a source of strength rather than a form of bypassing is by:

Honoring Emotions: When other women express pain or frustration, validate their feelings without rushing to reframe the narrative with gratitude. A mother overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities or a woman grappling with systemic inequities needs empathy, not a lecture on blessings.Acknowledging Intersectionality: Women’s experiences in the church are diverse, and shaped by race, class, marital status, and more. Gratitude should not be weaponized to diminish the unique struggles faced by women in different circumstances.Embracing Advocacy as Gratitude: Advocating for change within the church or broader society can be an act of gratitude. By seeking to make the community more inclusive and equitable, women honor the blessings they’ve received by ensuring others can enjoy them too.Modeling Self-Compassion: Practice gratitude toward yourself—not just for your circumstances. Gratitude for your own strength, wisdom, and efforts can counteract the cultural narrative that a woman’s value lies solely in serving others.

Ultimately, gratitude can’t be beneficial unless it leaves space for a wide spectrum of experiences and emotions. Using gratitude to bypass difficult emotions is like drinking diet soda when you’re hungry. It might taste good and even fill you up for a while, but it can’t have healthy long-term effects because it’s not what your body is actually asking for. This is even more important for women who are consistently being handed Diet Coke and then told to “just be grateful for what they have” when they say they are still hungry. Be grateful for the good things, be sad/ angry/ upset about the bad things. There is enough space around the table for all of it.

The LDS Church Doesn’t Believe in Women as Leaders

This morning I listened to a new episode on the Latter Day Struggles podcast with therapist Valerie Hamaker and her husband Nathan, called “Patriarchy and its Connection to Low Empathy in Men”. (Episode 283 – check it out!)

I’m very familiar as a woman within Mormonism how patriarchy has harmed me personally. I find it therapeutic to write my experiences out here on the Exponent II blog and connect with other women who have felt the same way. I’m still recognizing new forms of damage in my life because of this system to this day. So much of it is hidden from us when we grow up immersed in it and are told it’s a positive way to live by people we admire and love. 

I also know that patriarchy hurts men. It hurts everyone.

I appreciated Nathan’s honesty and vulnerability in sharing beliefs he had growing up in a world where he only saw men in leadership at church. He’d been taught that men and women were blessed with separate (but equal) gifts and abilities from God. He also learned it was the men who had the innate ability to protect, provide and preside over others. 

As a young boy he noticed Margaret Thatcher serving as the Prime Minister in England and secretly thought, “Something’s wrong over there – they’re really screwed up! Let’s get her out and get back to a male leader.” As an LDS youth who’d seen women banned from church leadership positions, he overcame his cognitive dissonance by deciding women must not be capable of leadership – the same way he wasn’t capable of giving birth to babies.

At the local leadership level the church used to have both Ward Council (where select women were invited) and then Priesthood Executive Council (PEC) where the women were dismissed and the real ward issues were discussed.

 Nathan admitted to attending both meetings for many years and seeing Ward Council as more of a joke. They’d talk about the children and the teenage girls’ activities, but PEC was where they tackled the real problems once there were only men in the room. He now sees this as having been patronizing to women, because the real decisions were always made in the meetings they weren’t invited to. 

I wish I could say only sexist men ever had these kinds of thoughts, but as a young woman in the church I had them all the time too! At the age of twenty I traveled to Independence, Missouri and visited the RLDS (now called Community of Christ) Temple as a tourist, and noticed pictures on the wall of their female apostles and church leaders. 

I was very turned off. I thought, “Well, that’s not how it’s done!” I felt like the Holy Ghost was testifying to me that this wasn’t a true church because seeing women in leadership was so off-putting to me personally.

I also remember once visiting teaching the wife of a bishop and her telling me, “Oh, I understand why women aren’t supposed to be bishops. My husband can turn things off when he comes home and separate the rest of his life from his calling. I’m the opposite – I’d be thinking about everything all the time! Men can just compartmentalize things in a way women can’t.”

The teachings about women and leadership were usually camouflaged in some benevolent sexism, but sometimes they were overt. I had a seminary teacher pose a hypothetical question to my class: “Could God ever choose to have a woman as the prophet?” He answered his own question by saying, “Only if there wasn’t a single worthy man anywhere on the planet left.” (Meaning essentially, no, it’s never going to happen.)

This taught me that God would rather choose the absolute least qualified man on earth to lead his church than literally any woman, no matter how good she was. This impacted me in ways I’m still coming to understand in terms of my self-confidence and self-esteem.

Both men and women who grow up in the LDS church tend to devalue the ability of women and girls to provide leadership, even when it means actively arguing against their own abilities and well-being. There is nothing inherently masculine about leadership skills, though! 

Some women are great at leading groups and some men are terrible at it, and we are hurting everyone in a system that only puts men at the top of every power structure (from head of the local branch to head of the entire church).

Do you have memories of distrusting the leadership skills of women?

In November, Church was Hard

To be fair, I have a very strong ick when it comes to interacting with power and authority in the church. You would too if you once experienced a well-meaning, but ultimately harmful series of bishops who reacted poorly to your baby feminist ways. You know that scene in Moana where Moana discovers they used to be a seafaring people and naively thinks that if everyone just learns about their history, they’ll be as excited as she is? That’s it, exactly.

A good 5 years and a whole 3k miles away from those past ward experiences, my primary strategy for sustainable engagement now is avoidance. No stake people, no ward leadership, no area authorities, and any general conference talks must be highly curated.

With this boundary in place, and a general habit of attending church twice a month, I feel empowered to practice my faith in a way that works for me and to do the local work of striving with a body of imperfectly perfect saints on equal terms.

This last month in church has tested me. A bishopric counselor, the Sunday following the election, casually and yet confusedly mentioned “you seem agitated,” when I came up to the stand to conduct. Well yes, I was. And no, when he suggested that testimony meeting might help me, I couldn’t quite respond that a fast and testimony meeting with MAGA in the audience was not the right cure for my agitation.

I can strive with my ward because no one actually got up and gave a politically motivated testimony that day.

The next Sunday hit the double whammy with ward conference. The stake Relief Society president decided to do a lesson on the Family Proclamation and I decided to hit my emotional limit with othering in this church because I just could not with one more lesson along anti-LGBTQ and feminist themes.

I can strive with my ward because they know me and how strongly I feel and speak and they can take it.

I took the next Sunday off. It helped.

But this is the backdrop of the baptism of my 8-year-old daughter over the Thanksgiving holiday, when family could visit us to join in.

She consistently and continuously asked to be baptized over months and months, so despite any mixed feelings I have as her parent, baptized she was. We had created the program together, with my daughter picking out who she wanted for talks and prayers and music. She asked her favorite pianist in the ward to play and invited a dear friend to sing (Our ward is small enough and our stake remote enough that baptisms are still a one-off event).

But when the Bishop asked for the program, the old ick reared its head.

Having done all the preparation of setting this thing up, ensuring my daughter actually wanted this step in a developmentally appropriate way, which parts would the Bishop decide to ax?

It was conducting, because the handbook says a bishopric member has to conduct. My daughter had asked one of the adult women in the ward that she loves to conduct, but alas, we must make space for the men.

The problem with that is now there was window for a person with no relationship to my daughter taking over. They get the right to decide when to speak, to be the last word, and to potentially nullify the whole experience.

I can strive with my ward because the bishopric counselor who conducted the baptism stayed in his lane as much as they can.

The baptism was beautiful. She was happy. She was glowing. She was enthusiastic. She was surrounded by love. I hope that will always be her experience in church. Realistically, her experience in the church is still mostly curated by her mother (i.e. our scripture study is Girls Who Chose God) and she will someday have to engage with the wider church on its terms.

 The beauty of the church is the imperfect perfection of people in community working together. The challenge of the church is misused and misplaced power and authority in the form of hierarchy.

This month, at least, I was able to strive somewhere in the middle. 

Photo by Kate Laine on Unsplash

A Feminist Gift Guide

If you’re stressing about what to give this holiday season that supports women’s voices, I’ve got you!

I know this year I’m trying to be more thoughtful in my gift giving. I want to find meaningful gifts that aren’t just cheap, random stuff you find at a Black Friday sale. Plus, if it supports women writers, thinkers, entrepreneurs, and friends––all the better!

Let me be your Santa! Each item supports Exponent II, or a woman writer or entrepreneur from our Exponent community.

A Feminist Gift Guide for the Holidays 2024:

Subscription to Exponent II magazine— You can gift our magazine in digital or physical print! All you need is the recipient’s email. Best of all, every subscription helps this blog stay open. Do you have a stake president that needs to hear some more feminist voices? Send them a subscription! What about a friend that always “likes” your feminist reposts? What about the Relief Society sister that’s on the verge of a feminist awakening? Or how about yourself?! Go here for all the details.

Exponent II Merch— We’ve got a merch store this holiday season! Hats, shirts, sweatshirts, mugs, notebooks, and more. Items are comfy, cute, and show off your Exponent spirit. This is a great link to send to spouses for your own wishlist too. Proceeds help our organization stay up and running, including this blog. Go here to check out the merch.

Illuminating Ladies Coloring Book of Mormon Women— Do you get bored in church and wish you had something to color? Want to raise the next generation of LDS girls on feminist heroes instead of tired BoM men? This coloring book features women like Jane Manning James, Amy Brown Lyman, Julia Nompi Mavimbela, and Eliza R. Snow in original artwork. Check out the gorgeous coloring book here.

Book Holster— what’s cooler than wearing your book in a holster?! These are so fun and unique, plus handmade by our own editor, Rachel. Shop small and have fun sporting your current read here.

Book: Fifty Years of Exponent II— Learn about the history of our feminist organization from it’s earliest days. This nonfiction is packed with all the tea, details, and research that will satisfy any curious member of our community. Written by our own Katie and Heather (plus many essays and contributions from Exponent names you’ll recognize!), this book is a perfect read for history fans.

Donation to Exponent II— I love giving the gift of charity by sponsoring a donation in someone’s honor. You can donate to our nonprofit and support Exponent II! Maybe this year we all choose a patriarchal man and donate in his honor All donation gifts are tax deductible and go to keeping the blog running, our magazine printing, and the retreat retreating. If you love this space and reading our blogs, please consider donating so we can keep doing it!

Who are you shopping for this year that would love an item from this gift guide? Let’s spread the news and the good cheer of feminist gifts this holiday season!

Learning about Global Mormon Women from Caroline Kline at McGill University

The feature image for this post is a photograph from Caroline’s presentation. These women are singing during a Relief Society meeting in Botswana.

Last Wednesday, I had the great pleasure of hearing Caroline Kline give a presentation entitled “Gender, Religion and Agency in a Globalizing World” during a symposium focused on international perspectives of the Church at McGill University.

Caroline completed research in Mexico, Botswana, and in the U.S. among women of color that you can read about in her book Mormon Women at the Crossroads: Global Narratives and the Power of Connectedness (I haven’t read this yet, but I want to!)

She talked about the need to intentionally meet the women she interviewed where they were at without imposing her personal feminist and gender-equality-oriented values. She shared an account in which she asked one woman, “Are women and men equal in the Church?” and then recognized asking these kinds of questions could signal she was on a different wavelength than her interviewees and was imposing a worldview on them that they didn’t necessarily share. To optimize her conversations, she shed some of her personal interpretive paradigms.

She framed her discussion by sharing a reconceptualization of agency by Saba Mahmood, an anthropologist who focused on the crossroads of Muslim women and feminist theory. The traditional definition of agency in feminist theory is autonomy, or self-determining authority, so women who stand up against the status quo are deemed agents. Mahmood decouples agency from autonomy and redefines it as whatever ways women make efforts to change themselves and change the world. Women can therefore act as agents by upholding and/or subverting systems to act on their values and desires.

This definition suited Caroline’s research findings. She found that overall, non-oppressive relationality was the top priority for Latter-day Saint women. From their perspective, the primary obstacles and threats in their lives were abuse, oppression, and alienation. In many cases, Latter-day Saint women across the globe seek out and value the Church precisely because it provides a compelling basis for benevolent masculinity. Women want husbands and family members who are sober, faithful, kind, committed, and motivated. Women choose to engage the Church in part because it can effectively encourage the values, relationships, and behaviors they desire in their lives.

In Mexico, women shared about how the Church helps them access kinder men. Caroline discussed Maria, a woman whose local priesthood leaders helped her find emotional relief. Male leaders’ efforts to listen to her experiences with kindness helped her talk about painful things from her past that she had struggled to address. She found it empowering to go to temple interviews. One leader prompted her to work on forgiving her mother for childhood abuse during her interview, and Maria reported that it brought healing rather than a sense of oppression. It mattered to Maria that the Church helped her have contact with men who were well-intentioned and caring.

One thing women in Mexico were upset about regarding the Church was the closing of the beloved and unique LDS Benemerito High School, which was closed to create a large MTC in Mexico City in 2013. Women resented this and expressed feeling like their perspectives weren’t valued. They considered the high school a wonderful, unique, invaluable place to send their children for them to have supportive and highly desirable experiences. Some were under the impression that the Church valued the complaints of Provo residents, who didn’t want the 2012 proposed expansion of the Provo MTC, over any opinions or needs in Mexico. 

In Botswana, Caroline learned about local customs that caused friction with LDS leaders and their protocols. Caroline explained how the Church uses a homogenization approach across the globe. This means it spreads culture and practices forged in North America to other countries regardless of local customs, without major adaptations or accommodations. In Botswana, it is typical and accepted for parenthood to come before marriage. Children and motherhood are highly valued, and having children out of wedlock is not treated as less ideal, even among some of the local Latter-day Saint women. Caroline told a story about a bishop who tried to assert North-American-based LDS counsel to give babies born out of wedlock for adoption in his ward. The women responded with a firm no, and he quickly dropped the subject. Another point of tension is the custom of lobola, payment made by the groom’s family to the bride’s in exchange for her hand in marriage. This involves formalized meetings between families that are often considered relationally important. General LDS leaders have spoken against lobola, and many of the women Caroline interviewed resisted the authoritative perspective. Others tried to compromise, or came to terms with it.

Caroline also raised the question which is a better approach: Inculturation, that is, letting local culture impact and be integrated into local Church practices, or homogenization, that is, imposing a standardized culture. She suggested that incorporating more inculturation in the Church would be affirming and empowering to global LDS women. This is something ordinary members and local leaders can work toward, encourage, and affirm on a grassroots level in our communities.

Caroline suggested that if global Mormon women’s perspectives were privileged in the Church, we’d see these changes: 

A greater emphasis on preventing and protecting against domestic violence The restructuring of top-down systems such that ordinary members have more voice and decision making power, and leaders decide with rather than for membersGreater emphasis on and supports for educationAn expanded discourse on family relations and connectedness–beyond nuclear familyA more abundant spectrum of spiritual capacities and experiences recognized, articulated, and celebrated.My Response

It meant a lot for me to meet Caroline in person. She was the first person who responded to my first guest post submission at Exponent, and the person who encouraged me to become a perma-blogger. It was really enlightening to learn from someone with so many more years as a Mormon feminist, thinker and writer than me under her belt.

Caroline’s visit and presentation felt timely. That same day in the Exponent community, we were discussing our struggles to sufficiently include and represent global and BIPOC voices on the blog, and all our blindspots as North Americans. BIPOC bloggers’ concerns and Caroline’s research were humbling reminders to me that Mormon women’s perspectives and needs vary greatly across the globe and that relatively privileged white American feminists can’t represent or speak for them all.

I recognized there are many ways that I resonate with global women’s priorities and values. Throughout my life, I have valued that the Church can help men in my circles be kinder, more committed to family, more motivated by a sense of higher and spiritual purpose, and less prone toward problems like substance abuse. And I really value how the Church laid out a solid path for me to partner with someone who is committed to shared spiritual values. In my younger life, I largely did not sense oppression in my relationships with LDS male leaders.

This shifted in my mid-thirties during my transition to raising adolescents and becoming a support to peers going through complicated things in relation to Church and religion. It seemed like suddenly many of the people I loved most were facing painful things with Church. Top-down patriarchal authority started to feel problematic and “off,” and I had unpleasant and startling brushes with its shadow side. I have now personally experienced that patriarchy can lead even well-intentioned men to act controlling, self-righteous, and spiritually abusive in certain contexts. 

Moving forward, I’m going to try to do a better job holding multiple truths about Mormon women’s experiences at once with care, including wisdom gained from my North American-specific feminist awakening, and the recognition that many wise and experienced Latter-day Saint women of color around the world are focusing on priorities and using approaches that have meaningful and understandable distinctions from mine. 

One of the most inspiring things for me in Caroline’s presentation was the encouragement to help the Church move toward greater inculturation on the local level. I recently agreed to help organize a ward choir. Our ward has a large population of refugees and immigrants from Africa. Caroline’s talk arrived just as I was finalizing Christmas music and a performing schedule. She helped me find a greater sense of purpose in pushing the limits and taking risks. This Sunday, we started rehearsing a lively Ghanian song chosen by several African members. And despite the fact we are incorporating bass electric guitar, a couple drums, and electric keyboard, I have scheduled us to perform this number in sacrament meeting this December in addition to a Stake Christmas concert. The choir is also going to recreate a Southern gospel Christmas carol for sacrament meeting. During rehearsal, as the choir members were dancing, the guitar was grooving, and Ricky, an African pop musician was jamming on the keyboard, Church had never been so fun or multi-cultural. 

Caroline’s words helped me see a different vision than I had before of God’s need for my feminist actions and leadership in my ward. I don’t care much anymore if I see some things pretty differently than people in my very international and transient ward. If we can come together and create community experiences that are genuinely enjoyable, interactive, egalitarian and inclusive across cultures, we will achieve something that is loving and remarkable and that meets many of our spiritual and social needs.

Women’s Spaces Created By Women

In celebration of 50 Years of Exponent II. A version of this paper was given at the 2024 Sunstone Symposium.

In the early days of Exponent 2, I was able to be in Boston when my dad was presenting at a conference there. I remember gatherings in the homes of some of the founding mothers. There were discussions about Mormon Women’s unique history and role in the church and the world. They were bringing new life and awareness of that history in the form of The Exponent 2, a continuation of the unique Mormon women’s publication from the 19th century. It seemed as though there had just been a temporary interruption in the production in the intervening decades. 

I loved hearing and reading about the stories of my foremothers, and I found this fascinating. I was a teenager, so thought I could just sit to the side and listen in while the adults, almost all of them women, shared ideas and plans. But this was different from the fireside discussions my parents hosted in their home, or the classes Dad taught that I would sit in on. Here, women’s voices were prevalent and prominent. They were unapologetically in charge. They occasionally referred to conversations with men, but this was women’s space, where women were seen and heard. I remember one of them coming to me, introducing herself (I wish I could remember her name) and asking about my life and interests. Me, an awkward teenager. My youth and awkwardness did not matter. I was a sister, and my existence, my presence was valued. Then, and I will never forget this, she asked what my mother did. Because my mother was also a sister, and valued. This was not the norm in the 70s, not for me, and definitely not when I was around people who knew anything about my dad. From that time, I felt a part of Exponent 2. I looked forward to the issues arriving in the mail, and began to look for the names of my favorite poets and writers, and especially essays. I wondered if I would ever write anything others would want to read or discuss. It was interesting to recall this when I was speaking with Laurel Thatcher Ulrich at the 2024 Exponent 2 Retreat. I told her that her writings back then encouraged me to write. Her voice encouraged me to have a voice. She told me that my dad had had that influence on her, encouraging her to write, publish, and have a voice. It was an interesting circle of influence.

It would take too much time to list all of the books, stories and articles I read because of Exponent 2. Through them I also learned of the conferences, pilgrimages and retreats, speakers at Sunstone from the early years to the present day. Other women in the growing influence of Exponent 2 continued to see me, value my voice, and invite me into space to share my voice. Along with countless other women. 

This was desperately needed in the years before 1993, the September Six, and the ongoing purges after. These were the years when feminists were openly declared dangerous, when home gatherings were suppressed, history was denied, and Mormon feminists experienced their own kind of Salem Witch Trials. There was no internet community, but we needed each other. Exponent 2 was one of the life saving threads of connection.

Mormon women needed community where we could heal deep wounds, and mourn, comfort and support each other.

One way Exponent 2 influenced healing circles at this time was the creation of online and other gathering communities. These were created from need and the unique ministering experience of women in the church. The most powerful and healing components of ward communities are those of compassionate ministry not connected to authority or calling – therefore, that of women. Our entire church service has taught us to create healing for what is needed, without a script, or budget, or permission. It is a practice in constantly doing the works of learning and listening, seeking inspiration, and being ready to make something happen which has never been done before. This is what is needed when we gather to deal with the deep wounds of this world, and there is no manual, no way to fix it. We gather, and hold each other up, and heal, even if the only healing is through sitting with each other, valuing our existence. 

There is something interesting about these healing spaces. In today’s world, and throughout history, women had to wait for permission to exist, to show up, to speak, to have thoughts, to have a soul, to vote. 

Exponent 2 exists because there were and are women, in the 19th, 20th and 21st century, who did not wait, seek or need permission. They learned about their history, they saw a need, they created space for women’s voices and existence.

Women of Exponent 2 were a part of Dialogue, Sunstone, Mormon Women’s Forum, many pilgrimages and retreats, Feminist Mormon Housewives, podcasts and blogs, many resource and therapy groups for Mormon Feminists. This is just a partial list. 

As many of you have found, there is something incredible that happens when women gather in spaces created by women. 

I will never forget the women’s Spiritual Resistance Retreat in 2017. Natasha Helfer and Gina Colvin-Ruwhiu arranged it for inauguration weekend to follow the Women’s March in Washington D.C. It was an incredible experience. And, after last session, women there felt they could ask for things they had never thought to ask. We had hours of healing, lifesaving blessing circles, including a vicarious blessing recorded for someone on the other side of the country. 

In spaces created by women, for women, we can look for what is needed and wanted. There is the possibility of creating newly, and not being constrained by a script or past pattern that does not fit the current need.

A few years ago, I saw a presentation about a conference that was named for my father. The men who organized the conference presented a book compilation of the speeches which had the theme of modern sacred text. They were proud that two of the 20 speeches from the conference were by women scholars, and they were looking forward to the conference next year which had the theme of – you guessed it – “Women”. Organized by men. During this presentation about the book, they only took questions from men, even though I was standing up, waving my hand. I had plenty of questions about modern sacred text, and how it impacts women. But I had much more to say about how their actions in not having more women’s voices at the conference, and not turning over the entire conference about women to women – this was taking the name of my dad in vain, since this conference series was named for him. One male friend followed me out of the presentation when I had to leave early, and listened to my concerns. He asked the question I often hear from men. “We want to include more women, but not many apply. How do we get more women to present?” I told him that it takes real effort for men to create space where women are heard, and men rarely do that. It requires much more than an invitation.

When women are invited into men’s spaces, they are not seen or heard in the way they are in women’s spaces. In one, their presence and voice is allowed, often restricted, and framed as coming from outside being invited in. In women’s spaces, it is inherently worthy and powerful, valued for its very existence, considering the time to listen well spent, and expressing appreciation for everyone’s contribution. This is the default mode, 

I remember calling my dad out one time about really listening to women’s voices. I wasn’t the only one. And I saw him really work at it. He went into women’s spaces, and sat off to the side, just to listen and learn. There were times when he would step aside in his role as editor so women could have space to create. I have heard progressive and ex-Mormon men ask, how do we get more women to come and participate, or be a part of what we are doing. I tell them there is something very unique that happens in women’s spaces that is a huge missing where men run things. I suggest they go into them to just be present to it, maybe learn, but never even hope they can imitate it. I’ll let you know if I see any consistent results. I haven’t yet. 

I did a rewrite of a verse from Doctrine and Covenants 121:39 that describes my experience with men in many communities, including progressive, and ex-mormon, and political and academic circles. (I consider this section one of the most important pieces of sacred text, offering excellent insight into how God’s power of love can work, and how anything that is not like it will fail).

“We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they allow a tiny space for women, and let them speak a few words, they assume they know and understand, as they suppose, all aspects of all women’s experience, and they will immediately congratulate each other for doing so, call a press conference or record a podcast announcing their innovative work, then begin again to exercise dominion of women’s voice, appearance, thoughts, history, wants, opinion, and opportunity.”

Meanwhile, women’s spaces created by women continue to increase. 

Mormon Women’s History Initiative has produced amazing insight and writing. 

Mormon Women for Ethical Government is an organization that is having an impact on candidates and political actions at all levels.

Women’s History Project at the Church History department – I deeply mourn the loss of Kate Holbrook and Melissa Inouye in this space.

Segullah continues as a beautiful magazine for women’s art and literature.

At Last She Said It, Latter Day Struggles, Young Mormon Feminists, Breaking Down Patriarchy, Year of Polygamy,  – these and other podcasts by women have become essential listening for Mormon Women. They are a lifeline for many discovering their own journey.

A few years ago, leading up to a surgery I felt ill prepared to face, sisters of all kinds gathered. My own sisters from birth, my faith journey sisters, gathered physically and virtually. Some had arranged for others to write a blessing for me (thank you for that, Carol Lynn), others organized a zoom call, and they each created their own language of blessing, of creating healing for me. 

This is what Exponent 2 has done. Created a sealing love that is more powerful than time and distance, turning the hearts of mothers to daughters, daughters to mothers, making sisters of us all, sealed by the only power that lasts. Love.

Pilgrims and Vultures

Image attribution: Charles J. Sharp, Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license

Each week my ward typically sings one of the less-commonly-sung hymns from the current green hymnal. It’s a way to say goodbye to the old songs as we welcome the new ones. A few weeks ago we sang I’m a Pilgrim, I’m a Stranger, which I don’t ever remember hearing. The end of verse two pricked my heart. First, there’s the phrase “I’m apt to go astray”. It reminded me of the “Bind my wandering heart to Thee” line in Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing that has been so beloved. The rest of verse two is quite graphic. The full line is “I’m apt to go astray with the many, with the many That are now the vulture’s prey.”

The word ‘vulture’ caught my attention. I recently listened to a podcast series hosted by Radiolab called Border Trilogy. The first episode started with a chilling story about a human arm being discovered in the desert. The second episode tells about how pig carcasses left in the desert were picked clean by vultures in just a few days. I’ll discuss these podcasts more, but first I want to talk more about the hymn.

I’m a Pilgrim, I’m a Stranger was written by Hans Henry Petersen, who converted to the church in Denmark and immigrated to Utah in 1862 (the same year as my Danish pioneer ancestors!). He crossed the plains in a wagon train. The song is about journeying through a treacherous landscape and pleading for God’s guidance. The consequences of this journey are a matter of life and death. I’d imagine the song would have resonated with the thousands of other saints who made the perilous journey across the plains. There’s a spiritual metaphor in the message as well, and I found the way this hymn expresses uncertainty to be refreshing. It essentially says ‘I don’t really know what I’m doing, and life is scary, but I’m trying to follow God even when I don’t know how.’

I certainly see myself in the spiritual metaphor of the song, but not so much in the physical hardship part. I have been privileged not to have to worry much about my physical safety during long journeys. My family has driven across the great plains a couple of times and, while we did experience dangers like hail storms and rattlesnakes, mostly we experienced a few days of happy family vacation. We own a well maintained van. We can afford to travel for pleasure, and have insurance and savings in the bank in case something does go wrong. For my family, the dangers of cross country travel aren’t significantly more than everyday life.

I have ancestors who were among the early Mormon pioneers. I can certainly think of their experiences when I sing this song, but I also want to think about people who are currently moving because they are unable to provide for their families or their homes are not safe. There are millions of refugees and displaced people in the world, and these numbers have been rising significantly in the last decade. In the 1800’s the Saints hadn’t been safe in Nauvoo. They needed (another) fresh start.

Despite my Mormon heritage and growing up in Las Vegas, it wasn’t until I was an adult that I understood that Nevada and Utah (and California, and a large part of Arizona, and more) were Mexican territory until 1848. The Saints arrived in the Salt Lake valley the year before, in 1847, when it was still technically Mexican territory. I don’t know if it was legal for U. S. citizens to settle there (I tried a few Google searches; I’m happy to hear from historians). At any rate Mexico was busy with the Mexican American War, and there was little oversight in that remote area.

Immigration at the U. S. southern border is an ever present topic in the news. I hear all the time that thousands cross the border illegally, but I don’t have a very good sense of why Central and South American countries are so impoverished and unsafe. I’m appallingly ignorant of the countries’ histories, no less current events. I recognize that I need to do more to educate myself.A website that is helping me understand this context is called Armed Conflict Location & Event Data, but I’d welcome other resources in the comments.

The Border Trilogy podcast I mentioned earlier is a long-form piece that has helped me understand the evolution of U. S. border policies. In short, since the early 1990’s the United States southern border has had a ‘prevention through deterrence’ strategy to reduce illegal immigration. Disrupting traditional urban crossing places pushes people to cross the border in extreme environments. The thinking was that this would slow the migrants’ movements, make them easier to catch, and hopefully the danger would deter people from coming. Border patrol’s official count of people who die in the desert each year has skyrocketed from single digit numbers before this policy to over two hundred after. The actual number of people who die in the desert each year is likely in the thousands. Vultures, ravens, domestic dogs, beetles, and ants can consume a body in just a few days. The U. S. government knowingly puts people in harms way, and the desert cleans up the dead.

All of that was going through my head when I was sitting in church, singing about vultures. I don’t think that people who die in the desert have necessarily “gone astray” in the spiritual sense. I don’t want anyone to feel compelled to make such a dangerous journey. I’m not an immigration expert. I don’t know how to enact a more humane system. I don’t know what foreign policies the U. S. could create to encourage other countries to thrive. I do know that Jesus commanded me to love my enemies. I do know that Jesus spoke of his way being one of abundance for all. I do know that Jesus taught me to feed the hungry and take in the stranger because “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” I ache for people who are worried about being deported. What can I do? I don’t know until I try.

2024 is Exponent II’s 50th anniversary! Help us last another fifty years by subscribing or donating

Our Bloggers Recommend: “The History of Thanksgiving from the Native American Perspective”

November is Native American Heritage Month. As Thanksgiving approaches, I’ve been wondering how Native Americans feel about this holiday, so I was grateful to read the article, “The History of Thanksgiving from the Native American Perspective,” from Native Hope. The author writes that Native Americans have a variety of approaches and feelings toward the holiday, from commemorating the fourth Thursday of November as the National Day of Mourning for Native Americans, to embracing the positive messages of the holiday and using it as a time to gather, give thanks, and celebrate the harvest.

As the author writes, Thanksgiving and Native American Heritage Day (the day after Thanksgiving) “allow us to reflect on our collective history and celebrate the beauty, strength, and resilience of the Native tribes of North America. We remember the generosity of the Wampanoag tribe to the European settlers. We remember the hundreds of thousands of Native Americans who lost their lives because of the ignorance and greed of colonists and the genocide experienced by whole tribes. We remember the vibrant and resilient Native descendants, families, and communities that persist to this day throughout the culture and the country.”

The Testimony in Your Birthday Card and Blessing In Your Work Review

A birthday card message can sound prophetic and a work review can sound like a father’s blessing

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Photo by Scott Graham on Unsplash

On my bookshelf there’s an old style photo album with brittle plastic overlays and yellowed pages. Preserved under the plastic are birthday cards and letters from family. We all shared the same LDS faith and spirituality was a valued quality as evident from the contents of the cards and letters. 

I noticed a familiar pattern in all them. Each writer would bear their testimony and speak prophetically about who I was and about my future. Phrases like: Heavenly Father loves you, you have an important mission, you are special to Him, Remember who you are, Make good choices filled the space. It felt prophetic to me. I always felt a deep sense of wanting to make sure I was living up to that and felt that it was the most important part about me. 

When I grew up and started sending cards to relatives I’d do the same thing by bearing my testimony and speaking in prophetic language about their own divine worth and mission. I can’t pinpoint the year or occasion that I switched to filling the space of cards and letters with lists of qualities I love about the recipient or expressing pride in their achievements. It makes me feel like I’m celebrating them for who they are rather than focusing on my own beliefs. I don’t think that I had even realized that I changed my written messages style until after I received a curious work review.

At the time of this review that sounded like my boss was giving me a Father’s Blessing, I had a call center management job at a company with almost 17,000 employees. My management stats were “Top 8.91% of the network.” It’s with a ton of vulnerability that I share this quote from the review. “I challenge Jen to recognize her triggers of self-disparagement when the weight of the world feels so heavy, and then, be kind to yourself, and lastly find a replacement activity when self-doubt creeps in or you are overwhelmed. e.g. What can you do that takes the same amount of time as it took to dwell on something you shouldn’t? Gratitude activity? Etc.” 

My face went red with embarrassment and bewilderment as I read my review. Would a male employee receive this same feedback? Would I receive this feedback if my manager wasn’t LDS or if I wasn’t living/working in Utah at the time? Why did it sound like an audition for a patriarch? I’ll never know for sure, but it didn’t sit well with me to have such personal comments and a trite recommendation in an official professional review. 

In your upbringing, did you receive birthday cards and letters about your life’s mission and Heavenly Father? Do you send them? As an adult, have you received work reviews that sounded written by a patriarch or someone giving a Father’s Blessing? Please share with us.

Please consider contributing your own story by emailing exponentabby@gmail.com.

Photo by Kate Macate on Unsplash