Exponent II's Blog, page 125

2021 in Review

Nenad Stojkovic, 2022 cookie Christmas decorations., used with Creative Commons License CC by 2.0

Well, the year is almost over. A lot of it felt like a blur- it was a roller coaster of feeling safer, with regards to Covid, when the vaccines became more available, but then as the new delta and omicron variants came into play, feeling less safe. I know that there has been a lot of loss these past few years for so many people. I hope this next one is full of support and wonderful surprises.

New this Year

Right now, at the end of the year, we are working on redoing our site here to combine it better with the magazine and retreat arms of the Exponent II. Look for those changes to show up here soon!

Speaking of the magazine, earlier this year, the magazine has started a new Subscription Scholarship Program. If you want to apply for a scholarship, or sponsor a scholarship for the magazine, check out the announcement post.

One really exciting announcement is of our newest blogger, Nicole Sbitani. She’s contributed many guest posts; go check them out, and watch out here for more content from her.

Top Posts of 2021

5. I Don’t Like the Temple. I’d Appreciate It if the Church Would Stop Gaslighting Me About It. by ElleK

4. Outcry at Proposed Removal of Minerva Teichert Mural in Manti Temple by Heather

3. Better styles and fabrics aren’t enough. Let’s end the garment-wearing mandate. by April Young Bennett

2. Guest Post: Sexism in the ExMormon Community by Anonymous

Elder Holland: Today is the Day to Turn Swords and Muskets Into Plowshares by Katie RichMost-commented posts of 2021

5. Has the LDS church become more woman-friendly since 2015? by April Young Bennett

4. Tell Exponent: How Did Your Local Leaders Respond to the First Presidency Message? by Katie Rich

3. I Don’t Like the Temple. I’d Appreciate It if the Church Would Stop Gaslighting Me About It. by ElleK

2. Better styles and fabrics aren’t enough. Let’s end the garment-wearing mandate. by April Young Bennett

Guest Post: Sexism in the ExMormon Community by Anonymous

Let’s pray for a harmonious new year.

Subscribe to the Exponent II Magazine, follow us on Facebook, Instagram (also our art account!), Twitter, and Goodreads!

Acceptance, Inclusion, Belonging

For context, you should know a little bit about me. I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I also happen to be a transgender woman, having transitioned full-time as of January 1, 2019 at the age of 54. I am a widowed parent of 5 children and grandparent of 6 grandchildren.  My wife and I were married for 34 years until she passed away in April of 2016. I’ve been in my ward for almost 30 years, and I feel very lucky that my congregation has been welcoming and inclusive after my transition. There are some institutional issues, but the members of the ward are far more important to me than a set of policies and rules that could change at any time.

I decided to write this about a month ago after our November Relief Society dinner/social. The interactions that night presented to me a reminder and lesson about how to be inclusive of our LGBTQIA+ siblings, especially in an LDS setting. It also allowed me to provide a glimpse into the mental gymnastics a member of the LGBTQIA+ community performs while interacting in a predominantly cisgender heteronormative culture. Even when we are certain that we are welcome and included, there are still all kinds of subtle aspects to our interactions that can give everyone pause. Some might term these micro-aggressions, even when entirely unintentional.

Here’s the story. I hope it is enlightening and instructive.

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Something interesting happened on Thursday night. It was a good thing. Whatever impression you get of what I write below, don’t think that it wasn’t. At the same time, it gave me an opportunity to reflect and provided basis for a little essay about interaction with LGBTQIA+ people. 

I was at church at a Relief Society dinner. There were five women at my table, three of whom I think are somewhere around half my age. Talk turned to how we met our spouses. One had been married for about 2 years, two of them for about 5 years, one (closer to my age) had been married for a while in a second marriage, and I had been married for 34 years and am now widowed. 

As this conversation proceeded, thoughts were running through my head. Everyone else at the table was asked “how did you meet?” I was wondering if I would be asked at all. And if I was asked, what form would the question take? After everyone else at the table had shared, I was asked “Valerie, if you’re comfortable sharing, how did you meet?” 

I said “sure.” Then I proceeded to talk about how my wife and I met.

But I didn’t really just say “sure” and start talking. There was a whole conversation in my head before I even said that word, though there was no apparent hesitation. The first thing I thought was that the phrase “if you’re comfortable” had only been used with me. There was nothing wrong with this and I think it was very thoughtful, but I couldn’t help noticing that it was different.

The second thought that went through my head was that I am comfortable talking about it even though I am the only person at the table who would be talking about having met a wife rather than a husband. 

The third thought that went through my head was that I’m usually more concerned about the discomfort of those to whom I am speaking. I am still certain that the “gifts” that testosterone gave me throughout the first half century of my life make it quite apparent that I am a transgender woman, so I don’t think anybody is going to be surprised if I talk about my wife. Still, I don’t know how someone will react in that setting. There was only one person at that table with whom I had previously had a conversation about their comfort with members of the LGBTQIA+ community. I’m always a little bit hesitant. 

That hesitance is not unique to me. It is a rather common issue during these types of conversations when most of these conversations involve cisgender heteronormative relationships. No one even thinks twice when a woman talks about having met her husband or about any other topics where their spouse gets mentioned. It is less common to hear a man talk about his husband, a woman talk about her wife, or for anyone to use non-gendered terms like spouse or partner.

This casual talk about our relationships is all part of bringing one’s whole self into conversations and social situations. This is where many members of the LGBTQIA+ community feel anxious about how their participation will be perceived by others. Sometimes it can be a question of one’s own safety, whether that is physical safety or emotional safety. 

The fourth thought was to consider how the words I used might affect those around me. 

And the fifth thought was to chide myself for assuming that the “comfortable” phrase had anything to do with my being transgender. It very well could have been because I was the only person at the table not currently married to a living spouse. It may have been phrased that way to respect my status as a widow. 

All of that occurred between the time I was asked if I was comfortable sharing and my response that I was. 

I then proceeded to talk about having met in Sunday School when we were 14 and eventually getting married at 18. Not once did I use the word wife or refer to her gender. I used the word “we” and spoke in other generic terms. Why? Emotional safety. I don’t know all the other people at the table well or their thoughts regarding the LGBTQIA+ community. There is my ongoing concern about other people’s comfort. There is my underlying hope and wish that the language I use does not cause them to see me as a man. That latter one is difficult. While I’m comfortable being known as a transgender woman, I would prefer that I was simply always perceived as a woman. Again, thanks testosterone. 

You may wonder what I want you to take away from this little narrative. I think it’s this. When you’re having conversations with a group of people and you know that some are cisgender while others are transgender, or you know that some are heterosexual while others are gay or lesbian, or you’re simply vaguely aware of someone’s different sexual orientation, gender identity, or marital/partnership status, just speak to everyone the same way (unless you happen to be discussing topics specifically about sexual orientation, gender identity, etc.). 

Engaging everyone in the same way creates that sense of belonging. There’s a difference between acceptance and belonging. Acceptance is what happens when someone is invited in, but actions and conversation still suggest or even highlight differences. Belonging is what happens when someone is invited in and their differences, while acknowledged, are not emphasized. It’s when everyone’s differences are treated as normal.

If you choose to show your love and acceptance for others by including them, please remember that it’s not just including them… it’s also the way in which you include them. Include them in such a way that you tell them that they belong.

 

Valerie is a pickle connoisseur who anxiously avoids Last Christmas by Wham! while waiting for tennis season to begin. Her hobbies include spontaneous science experiments (remember: only 1 variable at a time) and TikTok videos.

When I’m 64.

photo by Mike Hansen

When I am 64, I won’t be losing my hair.

At least I don’t think I will.

Last month I received a diagnosis of breast cancer for the second time. My first diagnosis and treatment was 10 years ago.

This month I turned 64. I was really looking forward to celebrating. Mike retired just before my birthday. We planned on a road trip, exploring the Pacific Coast Highway. We have been practicing being retired for a while. We have a whole list of activities, travel, service, and adventure. Boredom is not on it.

Cancer was not on it either.

I have a card with the phrase “While I was busy, life happened”.

All my plans to prepare for and have adventures in retirement were set aside, and replaced with appointments with various surgeons and specialists, MRI and CT scans, blood work, genetic panels, videos of medical teams discussing options, searching through information resources, talking with others who shared their experiences.

I continue to lead suicide prevention training online, but was grateful when a friend stepped in to lead one in my place in the midst of all this.

I had thought that on my 64th birthday I would be asking Mike, in a joking way, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me?” But, by then, we knew the determined course of treatment would involve a double mastectomy surgery, followed by several reconstruction surgeries throughout the coming year. We weren’t joking anymore about the need for Mike to be very involved in helping me recover.

I really struggled after receiving the diagnosis. I felt like a target, a victim. Cancer had found me again. All the impact, the permanent side effects of the last treatment, the scars, all of it overwhelmed me. It was hard for me to move, to pull myself out of a fetal position. I had to talk myself into sticking with previously made plans to gather with some dear friends in Colorado the week after diagnosis.

They saved me.

They let me share my pain, my burden, my fear. I told them about feeling that I had no control, and that I felt like I was a victim that was going to be carved apart, and there was nothing I could do.

They didn’t tell me to feel differently.

They listened. And listened some more.

Then they thanked me for being someone who helped people see their own creative power. Someone who shared ways we could always look for what could be deconstructed, where we could clear away what could no longer work, and in that space, create new life and new worlds.

They called me back to myself.

I chose to be the creator of my life again.

It is still hard. I really hate cancer. This will be a long, difficult process with many unknowns and possibilities of risky complications.

I hate the thought of losing my breasts. They are an essential part of so many aspects of my life, past, present and future. Each day I go through a whole range of thought and emotion about wanting to keep this part of my body, and realizing that it is no longer safe for me to do so. It is a difficult and painful process, emotionally and physically, to deconstruct this part of my body and life.

And, thanks to incredible medical science and technology, tissue from other parts of my body can be used to reconstruct breasts. Not only tissue, but vessels and nerves will be transplanted and grafted.

It is all there within me.

I give regular presentations about symbolism, ascension journey rituals, learning vicariously from scripture and literature and theater. This central story of the journey that is shared by so many cultures is one of seeing your paradigm, feeling led to something more, then taking the step to leave, deconstruct, clear away what is, and step into the unknown, new world of greater life, greater wisdom. It is ultimately a journey that can only be yours. But you learn to do the work, take it on, practice living the complexity, and develop the wisdom through your connection and relationship with others.

This experience of the spiritual and wisdom journey that I promise to practice each moment, over and over – it is now a literal, physical part of my body. I became aware of what is so – there is cancer. There needs to be a deconstruction. The body that has provided me with an incredible life will need to shift if I am to continue to live and multiply and replenish my lived experiences. All that is needed to reconstruct my body is within me, helped along by those who can work with me through the reconstruction and restoration.

We need each other.

We feed each other.

I am writing this on the day of Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year.

Tomorrow, I have my deconstruction surgery.

The date of the surgery is 12 – 22 – 21. An interesting palindrome. Almost like a mirror. Deconstruction followed by reconstruction.

Christmas is coming. A time when we honor the young, poor, marginalized woman who had the ability, the power within her to bring the presence of God into the world.

Remember, the power of creation is yours.

Tomorrow, the day will be a little longer.

After the darkness, there is light.

Come Follow Me Old Testament 2022: Pearl of Great Price: Moses 1; Abraham 3: “This is my work and my glory”

Known as “the Blue Marble,” this is the first image taken from space of the fully illuminated sphere of the Earth. It was photographed by the crew of Apollo 17 space shuttle on December 7, 1972.

How does it change your perspective to see the Earth like this, instead of how you see it from close up every day?

The first image of the fully illuminated Earth, taken by the crew of Apollo 17, December 7, 1972

This image had a profound impact when it was released.

The early 1970s marked the beginning of an era of environmental activism in the US, and the blue marble Earth photo, being the first ever taken of an illuminated face of the entire planet, rapidly became a symbol of the movement. It’s easy to see why. Our whole planet suddenly, in this image, seemed tiny, vulnerable, and incredibly lonely against the vast blackness of the cosmos. It also seemed whole in a way that no map could illustrate. Regional conflict and petty differences could be dismissed as trivial compared with environmental dangers that threatened all of humanity, traveling together through the void on this fragile-looking marble.

—Gregory Petsco, 2011, The Blue Marble

On April 24, 1990, the space shuttle Discovery lifted off from Earth carrying the Hubble Space Telescope. Through this telescope, we have seen galaxies that were previously invisible to us.

NASA image taken on December 17, 2010 by the Hubble Space Telescope of a pair of interacting galaxies called Arp 273. The larger of the spiral galaxies, known as UGC 1810, has a disk that is distorted into a rose-like shape by the gravitational tidal pull of the companion galaxy below it, known as UGC 1813.

How does it change your perspective to see other parts of our universe?God’s Work and Glory

We begin our study of the Old Testament in the Pearl of Great Price, where we read accounts of two Old Testament prophets, Moses and Abraham, seeing visions of the Earth and the cosmos long before humans could see these sites with technology.

Moses called upon God, and as God spoke,  Moses saw the entire Earth.

And it came to pass, as the voice was still speaking, Moses cast his eyes and beheld the earth, yea, even all of it; and there was not a particle of it which he did not behold, discerning it by the Spirit of God.

And he beheld also the inhabitants thereof, and there was not a soul which he beheld not; and he discerned them by the Spirit of God; and their numbers were great, even numberless as the sand upon the sea shore.

And he beheld many lands; and each land was called earth, and there were inhabitants on the face thereof.

And it came to pass that Moses called upon God, saying: Tell me, I pray thee, why these things are so, and by what thou madest them?

And behold, the glory of the Lord was upon Moses, so that Moses stood in the presence of God, and talked with him face to face. And the Lord God said unto Moses: For mine own purpose have I made these things. Here is wisdom and it remaineth in me.

And by the word of my power, have I created them, which is mine Only Begotten Son, who is full of grace and truth.

And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten.

And the first man of all men have I called Adam, which is many.

But only an account of this earth, and the inhabitants thereof, give I unto you. For behold, there are many worlds that have passed away by the word of my power. And there are many that now stand, and innumerable are they unto man; but all things are numbered unto me, for they are mine and I know them.

—Moses 1:27-35

Abraham used the Urim and Thummim to see the heavens.

And I saw the stars, that they were very great, and that one of them was nearest unto the throne of God; and there were many great ones which were near unto it;

And the Lord said unto me: These are the governing ones; and the name of the great one is Kolob, because it is near unto me, for I am the Lord thy God: I have set this one to govern all those which belong to the same order as that upon which thou standest…

Thus I, Abraham, talked with the Lord, face to face, as one man talketh with another; and he told me of the works which his hands had made;

And he said unto me: My son, my son (and his hand was stretched out), behold I will show you all these. And he put his hand upon mine eyes, and I saw those things which his hands had made, which were many; and they multiplied before mine eyes, and I could not see the end thereof.

And he said unto me: This is Shinehah, which is the sun. And he said unto me: Kokob, which is star. And he said unto me: Olea, which is the moon. And he said unto me: Kokaubeam, which signifies stars, or all the great lights, which were in the firmament of heaven…

I dwell in the midst of them all; I now, therefore, have come down unto thee to declare unto thee the works which my hands have made, wherein my wisdom excelleth them all, for I rule in the heavens above, and in the earth beneath, in all wisdom and prudence, over all the intelligences thine eyes have seen from the beginning; I came down in the beginning in the midst of all the intelligences thou hast seen.

—Abraham 3:2-3, 11-13, 21

How does seeing God’s creations help us understand God better?What do you do to appreciate the creations of God?

After God showed Moses the earth and the heavens, Moses asked a question.

And it came to pass that Moses spake unto the Lord, saying: Be merciful unto thy servant, O God, and tell me concerning this earth, and the inhabitants thereof, and also the heavens, and then thy servant will be content.

And the Lord God spake unto Moses, saying: The heavens, they are many, and they cannot be numbered unto man; but they are numbered unto me, for they are mine.

And as one earth shall pass away, and the heavens thereof even so shall another come; and there is no end to my works, neither to my words.

For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.

—Moses 1:36-39

Why is it important to know that humankind are God’s work and glory?

After showing  Abraham the universe, God showed Abraham another vision.

And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;

And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;

And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.

And the Lord said: Whom shall I send? And one answered like unto the Son of Man: Here am I, send me. And another answered and said: Here am I, send me. And the Lord said: I will send the first.

And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate; and, at that day, many followed after him.

—Abraham 3:24-28

What does this vision teach us about God’s work and glory?Children of God

In Moses 1, we read  that Moses had a visitation from God after his vision of the burning bush and before he led his people out of Egypt.

Read Moses chapter 1 verses 4 and 6 and look for what God taught Moses about himself during this visitation:

And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore look, and I will show thee the workmanship of mine hands; but not all, for my works are without end, and also my words, for they never cease…

And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the Savior, for he is full of grace and truth; but there is no God beside me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all.

—Moses 1:4,6

What did God teach Moses about himself (and all people) in these verses?Why us it important to know these things about ourselves?

The Lord then showed Moses an incredible vision and departed.

And it came to pass that Moses looked, and beheld the world upon which he was created; and Moses beheld the world and the ends thereof, and all the children of men which are, and which were created; of the same he greatly marveled and wondered.

And the presence of God withdrew from Moses, that his glory was not upon Moses; and Moses was left unto himself. And as he was left unto himself, he fell unto the earth.

And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed.

—Moses 1:8-10

How did Moses react to this vision?

At times, after a spiritual experience we may feel intimidated, overwhelmed or unworthy instead of uplifted. As this verse demonstrates, even great prophets like Moses have these normal feelings.

The chapter goes on to describe a second visitation, this time from Satan.

And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold, Satan came tempting him, saying: Moses, son of man, worship me.

—Moses 1:12

How did what Satan told Moses about himself differ from what God had told him?Why is it important to recognize that this message about ourselves is not of God?

The following verses describe how Moses responded to Satan and made him go away. As you read these verses, think of this story as an allegory for how you might overcome temptation in your own life. How could you apply the strategies Moses used to overcome Satan in these verses to overcome your own temptations?

And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his Only Begotten; and where is thy glory, that I should worship thee?

For behold, I could not look upon God, except his glory should come upon me, and I were transfigured before him. But I can look upon thee in the natural man. Is it not so, surely?

Blessed be the name of my God, for his Spirit hath not altogether withdrawn from me, or else where is thy glory, for it is darkness unto me? And I can judge between thee and God; for God said unto me: Worship God, for him only shalt thou serve.

Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not; for God said unto me: Thou art after the similitude of mine Only Begotten.

And he also gave me commandments when he called unto me out of the burning bush, saying: Call upon God in the name of mine Only Begotten, and worship me.

And again Moses said: I will not cease to call upon God, I have other things to inquire of him: for his glory has been upon me, wherefore I can judge between him and thee. Depart hence, Satan.

And now, when Moses had said these words, Satan cried with a loud voice, and ranted upon the earth, and commanded, saying: I am the Only Begotten, worship me.

And it came to pass that Moses began to fear exceedingly; and as he began to fear, he saw the bitterness of hell. Nevertheless, calling upon God, he received strength, and he commanded, saying: Depart from me, Satan, for this one God only will I worship, which is the God of glory.

And now Satan began to tremble, and the earth shook; and Moses received strength, and called upon God, saying: In the name of the Only Begotten, depart hence, Satan.

And it came to pass that Satan cried with a loud voice, with weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth; and he departed hence, even from the presence of Moses, that he beheld him not.

—Moses 1:13-22

How did Moses discern between Satan and God? How can we discern between good and evil?How did Moses find strength to overcome Satan? How can we find strength to overcome our temptations?Foreordination

After overcoming Satan, Moses called upon God and had another visitation, in which God taught him about his personal mission as a prophet.

And it came to pass that when Satan had departed from the presence of Moses, that Moses lifted up his eyes unto heaven, being filled with the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of the Father and the Son;

And calling upon the name of God, he beheld his glory again, for it was upon him; and he heard a voice, saying: Blessed art thou, Moses, for I, the Almighty, have chosen thee, and thou shalt be made stronger than many waters; for they shall obey thy command as if thou wert God.

And lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days; for thou shalt deliver my people from bondage, even dIsrael my chosen.

—Moses 1:24-26

Notice the order in which these events transpired. Before God taught Moses about his divine calling to lead the people as a prophet, he first taught his his identity as a child of God, and then allowed him the opportunity to overcome wickedness on his own.

How does understanding our identities as children of God help us to identify and achieve our personal life missions?How does encountering and overcoming temptation prepare us to identify and achieve our personal life missions?

Abraham also learned that that he had a divine mission during his vision.

Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones;

And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born.

—Abraham 3:22-23

Modern church leaders teach that foreordination is not just reserved to prophets.

You know you are a child of God, a son or a daughter of a loving Father who has structured a glorious plan for the salvation and happiness of each of His children. …What a blessing it is to have this solid, revealed-from-on-high doctrine as a foundation upon which to build our lives and as a foundation for our trust and hope in eternal happiness. It is the foundation for our faith and hope that our Father in Heaven has made such happiness available to His sons and daughters. But are these glorious, majestic understandings enough? They are certainly critical underpinnings for our eternal progression, but to reach our divine, eternal potential, I think they are only the beginning. We are each individuals with singular talents, strengths, opportunities, and challenges. We are as individual as are our fingerprints or our DNA. Unfortunately we cannot discover our individuality as easily as we can identify ourselves with our fingerprints or our DNA. We believe we are foreordained to come to earth at a particular time into particular circumstances and that our particular set of gifts, attitudes, and talents—if properly developed and employed—will enable us to fulfill our foreordained purpose. …For us to move in the desired direction for our own life, we must come to know ourselves. We must study, stretch, and test ourselves and ponder the results of our stretching and our testing and other observations. We need to become familiar with our own particular set of gifts and talents. …Why is this getting-to-know-yourself process so important? Because it will enable you to do more with your life. It will permit you to come closer to realizing your full potential. It will let you build on and use your strengths, your gifts, and your talents to carry out your purpose in God’s plan.

–Elder Robert C. Oaks, 2006, “Understand Who You Are”

Why do we need the Plan of Salvation as a foundation to achieve our potential?How can we “study, stretch, and test ourselves” to discover our unique mission in life?

Notice This One Little Verse and Luke 2 Will Never Be the Same

Photo by Anuja Mary Tilj on Unsplash

Did I just turn Luke chapter 2 into clickbait? Maybe. But this chapter, and one verse in particular, gained new meaning for me this year.

Luke 2 may be my most read chapter of New Testament scripture. It was part of every Christmas lesson in church. Portions were read in every Christmas sacrament meeting. It was covered in Sunday School at least once every four years, plus seminary and institute. And my family reads it every year on Christmas Eve (my paternal grandfather would even recite it from memory).

I’ve read this chapter hundreds of times. Though perhaps over the years it became like a hymn to me—the words and the rhythm deeply familiar, though not necessarily deeply analyzed. It covers a lot of ground, from Mary and Joseph going to Bethlehem to be taxed, to Mary delivering the baby and laying him in a manger, to the prophecies of Simeon and Anna, and more. I had read the prophecy of Simeon many times, but until a Roman Catholic friend introduced me to Mary Our Lady of Sorrows earlier this year, I had never paid attention to the final two of Simeon’s eleven verses, wherein he prophesies about Mary.

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Luke 2:34 “And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against; 35 (Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”

Mary, having already conceived, delivered, and named the baby Jesus, is told that a sword shall pierce her soul that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.

Why had I never noticed this prophecy before? I have to take some personal responsibility. I had read these verses many times. I had never given them special attention in a chapter filled with so many important events and declarations and prophecies. Part of it may have been my eagerness to get to the next verse where Anna is called a “prophetess,” a title denied to women in my tradition outside of rare examples, like Eliza R. Snow. However, I feel now that I have been missing something by skipping over a prophecy directly about Mary.

I remember many talks and lessons that discussed Mary’s role in delivering the baby, in taking him to the temple, and in seeking her missing son whom she found teaching and expounding scripture in the temple in Jerusalem. Certainly, attention was given to Mary’s response in verse 19 after shepherds recount their angelic visitation. “But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” It seems that this quiet pondering was a good, womanly activity to highlight and encourage.

But I can’t recall a single discussion of Simeon’s prophecy to Mary in my entire Mormon upbringing. Of course, my memory is imperfect. I may have zoned out in such a lesson, deciding the chapter content was too familiar to give my full attention. But maybe, like so many other stories of women in the scriptures, Mary’s importance was fulfilled in giving birth and not much after that merited discussion.

I searched the LDS Scripture Citation Index, and in the 79 years of general conference talks included, Luke 2:35 is only mentioned a single time. In the April 1958 General Conference, Harold B. Lee mentioned Simeon’s prophecy to Mary and took a moment to reflect on what it must have been like for Mary to sit at the foot of the cross and watch her son die. Interestingly, he did not include the part of the verse that says “that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed.” However, this talk appears to be the only and most extensive treatment from general conference of Simeon’s prophecy to Mary since at least 1942 when the index begins.

I checked the Come Follow Me New Testament manual, and while there is guidance to read and discuss the prophecies of Simeon and Anna, there is no specific focus on these verses. Same with the 2014 New Testament Institute Manual. My search was not exhaustive—perhaps other manuals or books or First Presidency Christmas firesides or resources do discuss the prophecy. But my experience leads me to suspect that it is rare for institutional resources and talks to lend focus to Mary, especially in any way that encourages members to think she can be meaningful to them today. I was pleased to see that a number of women at The Exponent had drawn discussed the prophecy about Mary before, including this beautiful poem by Alisa and this Young Women’s lesson by Em.

Source

Why does it matter if Mary is told that a sword will pierce her own soul that the thoughts of many will be revealed? Perhaps because it suggests that Mary’s place in the story of Jesus is not confined to her role as a vessel or womb. That her own life and experience, as well as her experience of her son’s death, is meaningful. That something about me and my thoughts and focus and intentions is revealed in how I perceive this Holy Mother. That there is something for me to learn and feel and know in seeing Mary and her sorrows.

I have much to learn about Mary. But this evening, as my family gathers to read Luke 2 and think of the birth of Jesus, I will also remember his mother and think a bit more about what I can learn from her.

A More Inclusive Ward Mission Plan

As a Relief Society councilor*, I was asked to help develop our ward’s mission plan. I’ll be honest: doing anything missionary related is not my favorite thing. I don’t love how ward mission plans often involve members feeling guilty for not reaching their goal of x number of baptisms for the month. I’m not in a place spiritually where I feel comfortable actively proselytizing for the church. And the idea of inviting non-member friends to a church activity seems even more ludicrous when my friends are often even more careful covid-wise than my own mask-wearing vaccinated family but the local church culture is…not so cautious. Even though I didn’t super *want* to work on a ward mission plan, my brain got interested in figuring out what kind of plan I would respond to with positive emotions. What kind of ward mission plan would be inspiring to members no matter where they are in their spiritual journey?

I fleshed out some of my ideas and reasoning in the following [lightly edited] email that I sent to the committee. There is a sample plan at the end of the email. (I was dealing with post-covid insomnia when we were working on this, and the boundary I added in the first paragraph was a Good Choice.)

Re: Ward Missionary Meeting

I don’t have anything scheduled Sunday afternoon, but it’s taken me an average of 3-4 hours to fall asleep at night this week. So if I happen to be taking a nap, I’m not waking up for a meeting. I’m happy to email, because then I can do it whenever I happen to have brains.

I watched the videos in the Handbook. I believe in being honest, especially at church. So here it goes:
It’s not normal or natural for me to invite people to church functions that do not feel safe during a global pandemic. It is not normal or natural to me to invite people to come to the most sexist, homophobic organization I’ve ever been a part of. Asking me to invite friends to church to see how wonderful it is causes me a whole lot of cognitive dissonance when church doesn’t always feel physically or emotionally safe. I am probably not the only one in our ward who feels this way. I would *love* for church to be a place where it *did* feel normal and natural to invite friends without reservation. Our ward mission plan needs to assume that some people who show up at church struggle to continue showing up. We need to make sure they still feel like there’s a place at church for them.

I would also love to participate in community service activities (like those mentioned in one of the shorter videos). Those were activities I would love to invite people to come and join. But even before the pandemic, these things weren’t happening often. I feel like the people in our little ward are so exhausted from just running the ward we don’t have the energy to figure out how to organize community events. I’m in leadership and I see this need, but I’m so stretched already between my two callings and other responsibilities that I have nothing left to give in order to make it happen.

I get that not all of the things I have issues with are in the control of ward leadership. Some of why I’ve been able to continue participating in church is because our ward has been a place where I can authentically share some of my spiritual journey, even if I express disagreement with what leaders have said. What would have to change in our ward to make it a place where I would be super excited to invite friends to come? I don’t actually know. But I do think it is an interesting question. Maybe we could incorporate it into the ward mission plan to invite members to do that work.

My idea is to frame the plan around questions with the themes of love, share, and invite. Perhaps something like this:

Our Ward Mission Plan
To help bring souls to Christ, we invite members of our ward to prayerfully answer these questions for themselves:
“How can I minister to my friends and neighbors to show I love and care about them?”
“How can I deepen my relationships with friends and neighbors by sharing different parts of my life?”
“What can I do to make our ward a place where I want to invite my friends and neighbors?”
We have faith that as ward members act on their answers 1) the members will become more Christlike individually and 2) our church meetings will be a place that welcomes everyone as they are and inspires them to become better.

I love that this plan invites me to act like Christ, not a salesperson with numerical goals to meet. I love that this plan invites me to do things I already want to do, but might need a little push to get started. Some leaders like things that can be measured. One idea was that we could follow up on these questions during ministering interviews a few months after the plan is presented to the ward. Anecdotal notes can measure progress!

*I was recently released, but they proactively promised to use this as the foundation of the final plan, so I’m hopeful that all my mental work won’t be wasted.

What do you wish your ward mission plan was like?
What has worked well in your ward? What would you change?

Magic and Melancholy: It’s Christmastime

I love Christmas; I love the trees and decorations, the presents and anticipation, the music and the smells, the traditional foods and elaborate desserts and candies we only make once a year. Even when my personal beliefs about the literalness of the fantastical elements of the story of Jesus–from his virgin birth to his suffering for the sins of the world–are nebulous, it’s a story I love. Regardless of whatever The Truth is about Jesus, there is something truly magical about the spectacle of this holiday, manifest for me in the millions upon millions of tiny lights displayed in celebration and acknowledgment of his birth. 

Something happened, I think when I see them twinkle through my car windows at night; something happened that made such an impression on the world, that even 2000 years later, we still light the dark with tiny pinpricks. Each sighting of lights on these longest, blackest nights of the year, whether it’s one modest string or a brilliant display, rekindles dormant sparks in my soul. Hope, the lights whisper. Hope.

But there is something melancholy about this season, too, and the shadow side of Christmas looms larger in me every year. There are the excesses of consumerism and gluttony, the well-meant but endless lists of fun traditions or activities that are sapped of their goodwill and festivity by obligation or unmet expectations. There is a rising tide of panic that my children are growing up so fast and I’m not enjoying them enough. There is anxiety. There is loss. There is grief.

Every year, two weeks before Christmas and sometimes even before, I commit that next year, I’ll be more on top of Christmas. Even though there’s still time before this Christmas, I already feel like I’ve failed because every day hasn’t been a parade of holiday cheer and there’s no possible way for me to fit everything in. Next year, I tell myself, we’ll be better about reading the Christmas books, doing the advent calendar every night, buying the gifts early and getting them wrapped and under the tree. We’ll watch all the Christmas movies and drive around to see Christmas lights (intentionally, not just incidental to other errands). We’ll make ornaments, bake together and deliver goodies to neighbors, and gather around the piano and sing carols. Next year, I’ll figure out the perfect presents for everyone and get the perfect deal on all of them. I’ll spend more time with my kids, soaking in the wonder. I’ll celebrate advent and hold family devotionals around the dinner table. I’ll send out Christmas cards. I’ll be thoughtful and go the extra mile. I’ll actually practice and master some Christmas songs on the piano or ukelele. In short, I’ll soak in the season and it will feel like it’s Christmas.

Reading through that list helps me remember just how privileged and relatively easy my life is right now, and despite the small sadness I carry with me this season, I am filled with gratitude that my stresses are so small and ordinary. There will be years in the future when my Christmas sadness will cast a longer shadow than my 12-foot Christmas tree, years when Christmas will bring more grief than joy. 

So this year, four days before Christmas, I commit to just trying to be present. Some of my list will get checked off, some of it won’t. Some experiences will defy expectations, others will fall flat. Instead of aiming to provide an extraordinary Christmas for my family, I will make peace with the good that is ordinary. 

And when I drive at night, I will delight in the colors and brightness of tiny lights dispelling the darkness.

Hope, they whisper. Hope. 

Can Anyone Recognize an LDS Female Leader in Public?

Pop quiz question #1: Which of these female church leaders is Bonnie Cordon? What is her calling?

 

Question #2: Which of these male church leaders is Dallin H. Oaks? What is his calling?  (Answers at the end of this post.)

Recently I took my husband to a VIP Christmas event, and while eating hors d’oeuvres I noticed the General Young Women’s President was at the table directly next to ours. (Two years ago I brought him to the same event with me and ended up at the dessert table next to Dallin H. Oaks.)

My husband, an active member of the church, didn’t recognize who we were next to. While I was trying to casually eavesdrop, he kept talking to me. When we stepped away I told him we were next to Bonnie Cordon, and after telling him this he asked me to clarify which woman at the table was her.

Two years ago he’d recognized Dallin H. Oaks from across the room with no help. That night we stood next to one of the top three female leaders in the entire church and he didn’t even notice she was there.

As a woman raising daughters in this culture, I don’t think we should ignore this any longer. I’ve been assured for years that women have value and are respected as leaders, but the average LDS man doesn’t even know who the top one is when he’s standing five feet away from her.

He’s not alone. I’m sure there are millions of other Latter-day Saints who would also stand next to her without recognizing who she was.  How could they really, when there are no positions for women at general leadership levels that last longer than five short years? On the contrary, there are many positions for men in leadership that last longer than five years, and male apostles are called for life. There is so much you can do in a lifetime appointment that you can’t do in a five year term, and one of those is become beloved and recognizable to the general membership.

The short tenure for female presidents also means that someone like the General Relief Society President is always newer and relatively inexperienced compared to the majority of male apostles, not to mention the fact that she lacks their lifetime experience of priesthood leadership. She can be released at any time by those presiding men if they become unhappy with the direction she chooses to take her organization in. (In stark contrast, apostles will only be removed from their position due to serious sin.) She will forever be the junior leader, trying to get up to speed and making sure her leadership decisions are palatable to the men in charge. She will have far fewer opportunities to speak in General Conference and this will result in fewer opportunities for her words to be quoted in Sunday School lessons, Sacrament Meeting talks, or lesson manuals. 

This hurts us in so many ways we don’t even recognize. Little girls don’t have role models that look like them to learn about. Boys miss out on the opportunity to learn from women and look to them as wise authority figures. Primary rooms are plastered with pictures of apostles and prophets past and present, but rarely hang the female leaders of their own organization. Is a dead male prophet from a hundred years ago really more important to recognize than the image of the living women who run the primary in 2021? I sang songs in primary to memorize all the dead prophet’s names in order and can still sing them to this day – but if my life depended on it I couldn’t tell you one single general primary presidency member from any period of time that I was a child. 

This process of ignoring female leadership continued into young adulthood as I took a class at BYU called “Teachings of the Living Prophets”. We spent a semester learning not only their teachings, but memorizing miniscule details about each current apostle and prophet (from their favorite sport to their careers to even how tall they were). Not once did we mention the name of a female leader in the church, and there was no equivalent class to take where you could learn women’s life stories. In all of my years attending Relief Society lessons, never do I recall discussing who a new general president was, despite there being five different women in that position since I was eighteen years old. If as women we don’t even talk about our female leaders, why would the men in the church (like my husband) be any more likely than we are to recognize them? It’s not their fault – it’s a broken system.

At the local level, I was once a counselor in my ward Young Women’s presidency. While I remember who the bishopric, stake president and prophet were at that time, I have no recollection of who the Stake Young Women’s President or General Young Women’s President were at the time.  It was priesthood leaders who approved our budgets and activities, sat in on presidency meetings, and spoke at training meetings for us. At the general level, 95 percent of talks I heard were from men. While I do remember meeting with the Stake Young Women’s Presidency when we were first called, our interactions after that point became so nonexistent that I can no longer remember who any of them were. I lived in that same stake for eighteen years and yet I couldn’t have picked them out of a line up again within a year of having met them. (On the other hand, I still see those Bishopric counselors or Stake President every now and then around town and never fail to immediately recognize their faces.)

With all of this cultural baggage, is it any surprise that so few of us have been bothered historically by the complete lack of Heavenly Mother in our teachings, scripture and ongoing revelations? If the women who head the largest female organizations in the church are unknown to us, why would it be strange for the female half of deity to also be invisible? We may theoretically know that a general president or a Mother in Heaven exists – but we don’t know what she looks like, we don’t really communicate much with her, and we could walk right by her in public without recognizing who she was. Heavenly Father is a familiar constant in the lives of Latter-day Saints, but female deity and leadership remains firmly in the shadows.

Answer key: Bonnie Cordon’s picture is in the bottom left corner. Keep in mind that she is one of the top three female leaders in the entire church, and Dallin H. Oaks is one of the top three male leaders in the church. If we are to believe that female leaders are valued equally to male leaders, it should be just as easy for us to recognize her as it is to recognize him.

 

Dallin H. Oaks. (Did anyone get this wrong?)

 

Mary Drops the Mic

The Visitation by Romare Bearden, 1941.

This post is dedicated to everyone who is sitting in Sunday School today wishing that the Christmas lesson was not on the Family Proclamation.

In denominations that use the Revised Common Lectionary, today is Advent IV and the gospel reading is from Luke 1:39-55, where Mary and Elizabeth meet while pregnant. Fetal John the Baptist recognizes Fetal Jesus from the womb. Mary then makes the prophetic declaration known as the Magnificat.

When I was a teenager and adult, the lesson manuals that covered this story emphasized this as a kind of miracle and Mary’s obedience in fulfilling her motherly role. In my mind, I have always seen this scene in pageant form (yes, I know that the Annunciation is a separate event from the Visitation), as though the gospel text played out just like it does in The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (1983) film adaptation, where the blond mean girl plays the role of Mary and is suddenly transformed and humbled by the experience.

I read and discussed this passage yesterday morning with an intergenerational group from my church and the Magnificat seemed like a text we need right now. As we read the text yesterday, I did not see the familiar mean girl in my mind’s eye. Two women, related but holding very different social locations, meet each other while pregnant. Elizabeth is an older woman who experienced infertility for years and was past the point of hoping for a child. Elizabeth is a woman of status, though childless, through her connection to her husband and the temple. Elizabeth’s relative is Mary, a pregnant teenager and who draws suspicion. Both lived in a land colonized by an empire that would, just 70 years later, destroy their marginalized faith’s holiest site. Maybe Mary is obedient, though I do feel that obedience is a poor reading of this passage. Instead, Mary rejoices (perhaps with some complex feelings) in a God who is willing to destroy the powerful and relieve the suffering of the oppressed.

And if you feel like your Sunday School lesson on keeping the oppressed fully oppressed isn’t the good news of the gospel you wanted to hear today, remember that like Mary, we believe in a God (if you believe in God) who “has shown strength with her arm; She has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. She has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly; She has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich away empty” (Luke 1: 41-53, pronouns changed). Mary drops the mic and prophetically reminds us of who God is and who she is: not a 1980s mean girl with a tear slowly rolling down her pale cheek, but a young Jewish girl from a fallen family who has probably suffered at the hands of society for a pregnancy she didn’t ask for. For good or ill, this son will define her life, though she will later watch her community lynch this son. Generations of Christians diminished Mary’s story by turning her into a symbol of sexual purity instead of holding this prophetic call for justice as central to her story and identity. Perhaps her speech is an angry prayer reminding God that God is a God of justice who keeps her promises. So instead of worshipping the cis-het-white-patriarchal family today, keep Mary’s Magnificat in mind. Pray for justice and seek for peace and let us never again remember Mary as a whitewashed poster child for purity.

What Makes Something a Cult?

It’s easy to watch a documentary like Stay Sweet and chalk the whole mess up to cults. If it’s cult territory, then we can’t imagine being caught up in it.

But what makes something cross the boundary into cult? I think the line between religion/political party/business/organization affiliation and cult is thinner than many of us realize.The FLDS religious doctrine and lifestyle do not appeal to me, but their lives pre-Warren Jeffs sound a great deal more like a religion vs a cult. Many of their worst problems and abuses came from blindly following a charismatic leader and gradually giving up self.

The documentary Stay Sweet follows the people in the town of Short Creek after Jeffs is imprisoned. The town is deeply divided and the faithful FLDS people are heartbroken and feel mistreated. I think the documentary does a good job of focusing on the aftermath of an abusive leader like Jeffs (who is still a prophet to many). It’s difficult not to feel angry when people refuse to see his abuse and believe he is a martyr, though. I can also see what it would mean for their lives if he’s a false leader, however. It would be devastating.

While watching, my heart sunk when faithful FLDS women kept saying “My truth” in reference to literal facts about Warren Jeffs’s crimes. Yes, we all have our own beliefs, but there is indisputable evidence showing how Jeffs abused young girls and jeopardized the community’s joint property and ownership of member homes. There is only one truth here. Their faith in him literally blinds them to these facts and, as a result, they won’t protect the most vulnerable in their community.

Following any leader is precarious. I think we all get caught up in charisma and the appeal of absolutes. It’s so much simpler to just follow a strict path with no grey areas or room for critical thinking. We all want to belong and be a part of something big and meaningful. None of us believes we could be caught up in a cult either.

If a person or organization wants to micromanage your life, separate you from family, insulate you from other teachings, or require you to cross personal moral boundaries in pursuit of faith or exhaltation or money, it’s cult territory.

When we are part of something we love, we should be able to critique it, improve it, question it, and think critically about it. This applies to businesses, religions, families, politics, and other orgs. If we can’t do these things without being shunned, if there’s alternative truths, if it can’t hold up to scrutiny, if questions lead to exhile, then we should take another look at who amd what we’re committing to.

We all may not be as immune to cult or cult-like systems as we thought.