Tracy Engelbrecht's Blog, page 14

Win Cirque Du Soleil tickets & support young moms

Jessica Bailey has very kindly donated 2 Cirque Du Soleil tickets for us to raffle, to raise funds for Young Moms Support.

We hope to have a guest speaker from The Parent Centre at our next meeting – all of this costs money!

So, if you'd like to support our cause and stand a chance to win 2 tickets for the 16h00 show Saturday 26 March 2011 at Grand West Casino, Cape Town – here's what you do:

Our raffle will be online, so spread the word via Twitter & Facebook.

Click on the Paypal "DONATE" button to the right. You will be taken to a Paypal donation page where you enter the amount you want to donate and sign in with your Paypal account details if you have one, to complete the transaction. If you haven't used Paypal before, there is a section to the bottom left where it says "use your credit or debit card". This will take you through the process of signing up. If you need help with this – let me know.

Each ticket costs $2.00, i.e.  for every $2.00 donated, you'll get one ticket in the raffle. As soon as I receive notification of your donation, I'll email you confirmation.

The draw will take place at 17h00 this Friday 18 March and I will notify the winner (and everyone else!) then. I will then courier the tickets to your address so you have them in hand in plenty of time for the 26th.

Ticket information:

Circue du Soleil Saltimbanco

Sat 26 March 2011 16:00

Grand West Arena

Mezzanine Block J

Row K Seat 143

More information from Computicket:

http://www.computicket.com/web/event/cirque_du_soleil_saltimbanco/185822976/88674964/

 

Please help spread the word and support our cause. Our moms and their children need you!

Thank you

xx

 

Changing the world one mother at a time

4th Young Moms Support meeting was a huge success. The best ever.

We had a surprise baby shower for Nadia, our preggie mom. Last few days had been a panic though, as I couldn't get hold of her. I'd spoken to her a couple of weeks ago and she'd assured me that she was coming – but she didn't know what we had planned. Then her phone stopped working and I couldn't contact her.

Worry panic gaaaah what if she doesn't come?

Eventually she called me this morning. "Naah, I don't feel well, don't think I'm going to come today", she says.

Nuh-uh – you WILL be coming, missy – says I. I had to tell her why, was the only way to make sure she turned up.

She changed her mind pretty quick when she heard and we had an awesome time.

She was overwhelmed by the love and support shown to her by "almost strangers". And that's what we're about, after all. So much love, empathy and caring in that room today, I'm surprised the roof stayed on. Not to mention the noise, chaos and stickiness of a dozen assorted toddlers and babies. LOUD doesn't begin to describe it.

As for the babies, oh my hat, have you EVER seen creatures as gorgeous as these?

We were joined by some special guests today: Natalie Woodman, an old school mate of mine, Sharon Swanepoel and her daughter Jess who kept the little ones amused and Ayanda Tini, Good Hope FM DJ and mom who was there with her sweet lil girl and kindly posed for pics with some starstruck moms.

We're doing good things. Changing the world, one mother at a time. And that's no joke.

Life is good. I am grateful to be part of something so special.

 

 

Young Moms Supporting Each Other

 

 

 

E-book or not to e-book

Need advice peeples.

As you might or might not know – my book The Girl Who Couldn't Say No is with a lovely agent in New York doing the submission rounds there. It's been a while, and no bites yet. It's hard to sell South African stories overseas, so I've always known it's a long shot.

Here's the thing. The other option is to go ahead and self-publish as an e-book – it will then be available online for download. I've had loads of people asking me to do this – but if I do, then it removes the possibility of publishing later overseas as publishers want both the digital and print rights for themselves, which is fair.

So. Dilemma. If I wait for the right publisher to come along – we could publish overseas. Yay!

If I go ahead and go digital now, I lose the chance to publish traditionally, but on the upside, I'll be reaching readers out there in a very immediate way and the biggest plus – I'll be bringing some more money in for our Young Moms Support cause.

Which is very much needed right now.

I've had my chance to be published – had the excitement and the book launch and the woo-hoo. Do I need it again? Or should I rather use this opportunity  to support our cause in more immediate way.

I like both ideas and have been chewing on them for a long time. Our need for cashflow into our group is getting bigger every day though, and even though e-book sales might not bring in THAT much, it will be more than I'm getting now.

I'm not often one for asking anyone strangers for advice or help, but I'm in a quandary and can't figure it out.

What would you do?

Instead of donating cash, how about this?

Since we've started our young moms support group, I've been amazed by how many people have offered to help, and how many have donated time, baby goods and money. We couldn't do it without you. I have such faith in and respect for those kind people who are already involved with us.

Not everybody has time or money to give, I understand that.

There's something we need more, though. Something that no amount of free nappies will fix.

Some of our moms are educated, some are not. Some have stable families, some don't. Some live in safe environments, some don't. Some have enough food, some don't. Each one of them is different. But they all need the same ONE thing – which is why they've joined us. The donations are a bonus, an extra, not the main reason for being there.

So how can you help?

You can help by looking at the way you think about young or teenage mothers. Look at the assumptions you make about their abilities as parents, their reasons for becoming pregnant, their morality, even their worth as a human being. Listen to the way you speak of them, or hear others speak of them.

When you hear somebody making an unfounded, generalised and cruel comment about people they don't know and would never bother to get to know – what do you say to them? Do you nod and tut along with them?  Do you ask them what they're basing their comments on, on how many people they know personally? Or are their opinions based on things "They say" or things "I've heard".

Why do we need a separate support group for younger moms? The truth is, we SHOULDN'T need it. A young parent who wants the best for their child should be able to expect the same support, the same RESPECT for doing the hardest job in the world, as ANY other mother would get.

But they don't get that. They get skew looks and assumptions and worst of all – PITY. They don't want your pity. Every upmarket glossy parenting magazine in every upmarket glossy paediatrician's office would have us stressed-out mommies reach out for support. When young moms are brave enough to try – whatever form that support may take – they'd appreciate it if you didn't look at them funny, call them girlie or interrogate their sexual history. When they ask a question about teething, give them an answer about teething, not a lecture about contraception.

When I started this group, I was touched by how many people offered help, and excited to receive it.

What I didn't realise, naively, I guess – is how much time I'd end up spending questioning the motives of the people offering help. It's bloody depressing. I knew I'd have to watch the intentions of the mothers joining – are they doing it for the right reasons?  But wasn't expecting to have to ask the same questions of the donors.

People who share what they have are few and far between and I feel like a real bitch for even having to say this. But to protect my girls, and give them what they really need – self-worth as a parent – please make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons, and that you believe in what we're trying to do.

Please make sure you respect our moms as parents, as equals, before you click Donate.

That's what they need most of all, and that's what's going to make the longest-term difference to their lives.

 

Thank you once again to everybody who has – it's not our current donors and helpers that this is aimed at. Just for future reference.

 

The gratitude, she is HUGE man

I should be cooking supper. I've done half of it but so don't feel like finishing…. who will do it for me?….. *CONOR?! Whatchooodoin?….*

Thanks to some amazing donors, our new office (Layla's bedroom which she very kindly offered to give up) is now overrun with baby goodies of all descriptions. Some old, some new, some unbelievably tiny, toys, bottles, blankets, nappies and on and on..

My office chair is full of stuff to be sorted, I'm sitting on top of a teddy bear on a kiddie's chair as I write this.

I am overwhelmed and excited by how friends and strangers have responded to our cause – most of whom wish to remain anonymous so I can't thank them here! Waaah! But you know who you are.

A special thanks must go to Fairie Knowe Educare for organising donations and for being our first "official sponsor"

I'm also amazed still by the sms's I receive from our moms in the group – by their commitment to our group, their excitement and willingness to help each other. Also their gratitude that somebody has noticed them, HEARD their voices, acknowledged that they belong in the Mommy Club too.

I'm bursting with love and happiness and awe at how good people can be.

Thank you, I am so grateful to you all.

What I'm NOT bursting with is eagerness to venture back into the kitchen. I would much prefer to be ooh-ing and aaah-ing over booties and blankies.

Our next meeting is 12 March, we're having a surprise baby shower for one of our special preggie moms – it's going to be a blast. You've never seen a girl who takes her responsibility as mom-to-be as seriously as our N, or who has such strong opinions on The Right Way To Do Things. This girl is going to go far, and we're going to be there with her. Lucky us!

What we need now:

(I'm putting it all down, even the huge and unlikely stuff, just putting it out there into the universe, as Oprah would have us do)

A venue of our own! A nice little rented house somewhere we can store our stuff, have our meetings and be properly organised. This is our biggest dream
Help with admin costs like printing, telephone, internet, travel
Help with refreshment costs for our meetings
Help with emergency grocery packs for families in dire straits
Contacts who can offer training, mentoring or work for the moms
and whatever else you can think of!

Go on, make us famous!

More than just clicking "Like"

My phone rings. It's J. She needs to talk, she says. We met on Saturday, she'd come along to the Young Moms group with her friend who'd been before. They live together in Ocean View.

I ask if she's okay, but she's not. She doesn't know what to say, or how to say it. She's embarrassed, ashamed, asking a stranger for help.

"We don't have food, Tracy. We've got nothing."

She's waiting for her grant but it hasn't come through yet, because she moved and had to reapply. Is it just a sob story? How can I really tell? I can't.

Can you help us?

And there you go, that's the question. Can I help her? I don't have cash lying about, every cent of my salary has a home to go to, and by the 14th of the month, I'm starting to look forward to payday again.

Then I remember the chocolate I had yesterday. The fancy cheese I didn't need. The expensive school fees and the safe roof over my children's heads – not my very own roof, sure, but a warm home and family nevertheless . The IPad I was lusting over, even though I know I'd never afford one, it's still on my radar.

I have everything I need, and some things I don't. There are many things I want and don't have. But we're safe, well-fed and healthy.

J and B have children with empty stomachs. Think about that for a second. A two year old going to bed hungry.

They have to phone a woman they've just met, to ask for help.

I tell her I can't help again, it has to be a one off. She knows, she knows. She's so sorry, so ashamed, but she had no other option, she says.

In her position, I'd do exactly the same thing. So would we all.

They hugged me so tight and didn't want me to leave. They want me to help talk to B's ex, to convince him to pay maintenance. I came home and cried.

I tweeted their predicament and within 15 minutes, while on the way to the shops still, I had offers of help and an actual cash donation. I haven't asked permission to mention the person's name, so won't just yet. But they know who they are and the difference they made to J and B's week, their lives, their children's health – is just immeasurable.

No, I can't keep doing it. Yes, I need will need help. Our little moms and tots coffee meetings have taken on a life of their own, much faster than I ever thought possible. Our moms need all kinds of help – some with self-esteem issues, some with maintnenance or parenting advice, and some, like J & B – need emergency support just to get through the day.

I've added a DONATE button to the website – it will take you to Paypal where you can donate any amount in dollars – no matter how small, every cent will go to moms who really need it.

It's easy to dismiss appeals like this, I know. It's easy to click "Like" and move on. I do it myself.

Please don't. Not this time. This is me asking, and I don't do it lightly.

My life has been changed in the short time I've been involved in this group. I care about these women. They are my people now, they need me.

We need you.

The Empty Jar

Now listen up!

I have this little jar, see. It's got coins in it, some silver, mostly not. And even some pretty notes, but not many.

This jar is called "The Group Jar".  It used to be The Lottery Jar, supposedly to be filled with our lottery winnings but since we never remember to buy tickets, that didn't work out so well. So instead…

All our change and little bits of whatever money we have lying around (ja, like we have LOADS of that, right?)  goes into this jar to support our Young Moms Support Group – to pay for our venue hire (R180 a time) and also our refreshments, poster and pamphlet printing, phone & fax costs and so on etc blah blah

Our lil jar empties faster than we can fill it. So here's the plan.

All the proceeds from sales of my book I make here will be added to the jar.

Thus far I've spent the book money on boring things like school fees and yoghurt and the occasional junk food binge.

No more! It's going to a good cause, from now on

So – if you still don't have a copy and you'd like to support our moms – please head on over to the online shop and get spending.

Our moms, and my empty jar, will thank you

And me too, of course. Thank you.

Here's the link – use it, don't use it. But please, actually, use it.

Check us out we're awesome

Another amazing Young Moms Support meeting yesterday. Started off poopy – everybody was running late as 10h30 came and went and nobody arrived, I sat in a clump on the floor amongst the cushions convinced nobody was coming.

And then they arrived, thank goodness. Marlise Howell, our Baby Gym instructor gave us a lovely demo and spoke beautifully about stimulating the little ones. I learnt a lot and am almost a little sad that I no longer have any teeny babies to do the Baby Gym dance with.

We put out the pile of baby clothes we've had donated and the moms had fun choosing bits and pieces that would fit their child – all promised to bring their own 2nd hand clothes to swap with the other moms next time.

As always, there was noise, laughter, crying babies, and a lot of multi-tasking as moms balanced cookies, baby and breastfeeding while chatting to their new friends.

Chantel Daniels from Volunteer Mzansi Afrika and her guests Vuyo and Junko, a mom from Japan joined us too. Junko donated an awesome suitcase of gorgeous clothes collected by her Japanese friends. Can't wait to show our moms next time! Chantel's organisation does great work in the community of Ocean View where many of our moms live, and we look forward to working with her in the future.

I had a chance to chat one-on-one to all of the moms this time and it was so good to hear their stories individually – and to find out where they're coming from and what they're thinking. Even though most of the moms are quite young, mostly single, all of their situations, lives and needs are entirely different. One size definitely does not fit all, that's for sure.

My poor bedroom is piled high to the ceiling with baby stuff and donations – and we need more space! Can't believe that after just 3 meetings, we're already at the stage where having our own venue is something we can think of as a real need, not just a pipedream. It will happen – watch this space!

As always, many thanks must go to my mom Linda and my sister Megan, who give up their Saturdays to join us, carting parcels up and down the hospital and generally being indispensable. Also to my dad Mark – world's best cheerleader – and to my children Conor and Layla who stay home together and look after each other so nicely, letting me go off and spend half of our weekend with other people, with never a moan or complaint. You are all amazing.

Me & Cassidy

My mom Linda & Sima

Leeza & Lucca

Logan & Cassidy

Felicia & Sima

Blessing

Junko & Zakkariah

Melissa & Zakkariah

Why not let it be you?

It's Sunday night. Maybe you watched the news, read the papers, maybe you watched the dreaded Carte Blanche. If you did any of those, chances are you tutted and tsked in anger, frustration or sadness at something you read, saw or heard.

Chances are you said "Dammit, somebody should DO something!"

But what? The problems are so huge, too big for us. What  difference can we hope to make when so much is wrong? Somebody else will do a better job. Somebody else should be doing something.

Something. Anything.

Somebody. Anybody.

Not me, naturally, cos I'm too busy / I wouldn't know where to start / I'm not qualified / I don't have money / honestly I don't actually care THAT much. But SOMEBODY should do something, anyway.

And then something clicks, you realise it doesn't matter that you don't know what you're doing or where to start or if anything you try will work – but you start anyway. You pick up the phone and it goes from there.

And pretty soon it IS you who's that Somebody doing Something and it's good.

Pics below from our second Young Moms Support meeting – watch this space cos we're going to grow even more, I can feel it.

More pics on our Facebook page

I do TRY to be normal you know

Did I tell you about my public swandive into the tarmac last week? Yes, yes, I realise I'll have to be more specific than that, sorry.

The one I took into the ground at an accident scene in front of my office directly below what I believe was a news helicopter with a big zoomy camera mounted on the front?

That one, yes.

So crossed the road when the nice policeman told me it was safe to do so, with his permission I picked my way over the smashed windshield and past the poor stretchered accident victim and his shiny shoes, to get into the office parking area. Crowds of people, ambulances, fire engines, tow trucks, helicopters and a smallish horde of nosy insensitive gawkers.

I hear my name called, turn, look directly into the sun (how, I'm not really sure as I'm not that tall), am temporarily blinded and confused (more than usual, I mean) and in the ensuing brain-kerfuffle I lose the ability to stand and look to the left at the same time. Thus fallling straight down – BAM – off my (very low, sensible) shoes and onto the bum – want to say gracefully but that's a lie – on the tarmac in front of the hordes of did-I-mention insensitive gawkers.

And the crowd goes "Oooohf!" Extra bang for their buck, they must be very glad they refrained from proceeding cautiously ahead and going about their business like responsible citizens, and opted for the rubbernecking route instead.

I sit there for a moment and giggle, as one does.

As one MUST, if one is THIS one, otherwise if one cried instead and got all embarrassed everytime one fell on one's ass in public, one would never leave the house.

There isn't, in case you were concerned, anything neurologically or physically wrong with me. I'm also not drunk. I am simply coordinationally-challenged and frequently misjudge things like ground level, doorway width and speed of objects hurled at me by fucknuts with that infuriating un-funny warning to "Think Fast".

Believe me buddy, I am thinking fast. So fast that the rest of me can't keep up.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.