I do TRY to be normal you know

Did I tell you about my public swandive into the tarmac last week? Yes, yes, I realise I'll have to be more specific than that, sorry.

The one I took into the ground at an accident scene in front of my office directly below what I believe was a news helicopter with a big zoomy camera mounted on the front?

That one, yes.

So crossed the road when the nice policeman told me it was safe to do so, with his permission I picked my way over the smashed windshield and past the poor stretchered accident victim and his shiny shoes, to get into the office parking area. Crowds of people, ambulances, fire engines, tow trucks, helicopters and a smallish horde of nosy insensitive gawkers.

I hear my name called, turn, look directly into the sun (how, I'm not really sure as I'm not that tall), am temporarily blinded and confused (more than usual, I mean) and in the ensuing brain-kerfuffle I lose the ability to stand and look to the left at the same time. Thus fallling straight down – BAM – off my (very low, sensible) shoes and onto the bum – want to say gracefully but that's a lie – on the tarmac in front of the hordes of did-I-mention insensitive gawkers.

And the crowd goes "Oooohf!" Extra bang for their buck, they must be very glad they refrained from proceeding cautiously ahead and going about their business like responsible citizens, and opted for the rubbernecking route instead.

I sit there for a moment and giggle, as one does.

As one MUST, if one is THIS one, otherwise if one cried instead and got all embarrassed everytime one fell on one's ass in public, one would never leave the house.

There isn't, in case you were concerned, anything neurologically or physically wrong with me. I'm also not drunk. I am simply coordinationally-challenged and frequently misjudge things like ground level, doorway width and speed of objects hurled at me by fucknuts with that infuriating un-funny warning to "Think Fast".

Believe me buddy, I am thinking fast. So fast that the rest of me can't keep up.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.