Helene Lerner's Blog, page 3

6 Habits of Highly Successful People

I know we all hear about exercising and meditation being great habits, but what are some of the other SECRET rules that successful people follow every day? 

1. Successful people don’t give in to every impulse. They live mindfully and have the ability to self-regulate. It may sound hard, but with practice, it becomes a no-brainer as they grow personally to eat well and take care of their minds and bodies on a daily basis. 

2. They do ask for feedback to learn daily and work on self-improvement. It’s a continual journey they embrace without being defensive. It is no good to have advisors or team members who only agree with you, because where is the growth in that?

3. They do take small breaks. Not at the end of the week or month, but everyday small breaks to take a walk, chat with a friend, cook, or even take a nap can go a long way to relax your mind. These breaks are important to refresh your mind, step away from the task and come back with more energy and perspective.  

4. They do their research. Successful leaders don’t depend on someone else to do the work or give them answers. They know they need their own team to do the research and analysis to get the best and most suitable results. Research and review happens daily. 

5. They pay attention to small details. Ultimately if we don’t handle our circumstances, our circumstances will handle us! There are minute details in our life and they require small amounts of daily attention. Don’t shirk the small stuff! 

6. Successful people ask for help. They know that there are some projects you just can’t do alone. Or, it may be outside the area of their expertise, or they may already have too much on their plate, or they may recognize that someone else on the team has the perfect skills for the assignment. Whatever the reason, leaders are never afraid of sharing the load and the credit.  

Leena Roy, CFA/CPC is a Leadership & Life Coach. Choice over Chance is designed to elevate and empower Mid-level Managers & all Professionals to achieve their highest potential. Please join me on FB: Choice over Chance or follow me @CoachLeena today.

Why Immature Men Are Threatened by Powerful Women

Generally, men like to take the wheel. Whether at work or in a relationship, the man, traditionally, thinks he needs to be the one in control. So when a strong, confident woman enters his life, an immature man might feel shaken up by her self-assuredness. Here’s why:

He’s knocked down to size
When he’s in her presence, he’s forced to recognize that she’s not there just to boost his ego. Instead, she’ll challenge him intellectually and won’t be afraid to call him out when he makes a mistake. She makes him realize that his idea isn’t always the right one.

He feels pressured to succeed
A man can expect a powerful woman to be supportive and push him to do better. This can be intimidating to an immature man, knowing that his actions are being watched. She’s also going to be the first to offer (constructive) criticism, which most immature men don’t like to hear. He might feel like he has to have a bigger paycheck, turning the relationship into a competition. 

He tends to shy away from commitment
When a powerful woman dates a man, you know she’s going to be giving it her all. She knows what she wants, that’s why she chooses to be in a committed relationship. Immature men can be fickle when it comes to getting serious.

She’ll always speak her mind
A strong woman is not going to let anything get past her. If she’s feeling a certain way about something he did, she’s going to confront him. She’s not going to lie or make excuses, and that’s threatening to a man who is used to having people cater to him.

She’s not easy to impress
An immature man probably isn’t used to putting a whole lot of effort into relationships. To sweep this type of woman off her feet takes effort. James Michael Sama, a relationship expert at Huffington Post, said, “Do not shy away from strong women, and do not be intimidated by their passion for life. Instead, be excited that you have found your teammate. You have found your partner in crime.”

- Barbara Bent

9 Negative Habits That Can Derail Your Career

Being late: Being late to work meetings regularly can taint your reputation for professionalism. Take a few minutes the night before or during the day to plan for the day ahead and prepare accordingly. It’s more important than you think! 

Avoiding meetings: We can fall under the radar by repeatedly avoiding meetings and discussions. Don’t make it a habit as it ultimately impacts your role and growth opportunity in your department. 

Not backing up or saving work: Being overwhelmed and rushed, we can forget to back up and save our work. As a habit, that increases the likelihood of losing valuable data and having to re-do work. Make it a new habit to save, save, save! 

Not cleaning out the inbox: Emails have become our primary form of correspondence. Not filing or clearing out our inboxes regularly can create a backlog of 1000s of emails and we may end up missing or not responding to the important emails. Start this week by creating folders, priority levels, and automatic rules to file emails and help you get sorted! 

Internet browsing: As our attention wanders at work, it’s easy to just click on an Internet browser and start searching. Or sometimes we are mid-search and a new link grabs our attention and before you know it, 15 minutes has flown by. Break this bad habit by having a self-imposed timer for browsing. You can always save new links for viewing later instead of clicking on them in the moment. 

Snacking at work: Substitute your sugar or salt fix during the workday with healthy snacks. With a little bit of planning and research, it’s easy to find a variety of healthy snacks that are not overloaded with carbs, sugars, and salt. 

Social Media trap: Just like the Internet, we can easily get caught up in our social media feeds. Turn off notifications during the workday or when you have important things to get done. Choose certain times of the day to spend catching up with social media. 

Emotional shopping: When stress rises and we have no time to leave our desks, we turn to Macy’s or Gilt.com for our emotional lift. Whether it’s making a quick purchase on a sale item, or putting in a bid for an unbelieve price on a designer product, the relief we get from shopping is expensive and short-lived. Try to relieve stress at your desk by journaling a few lines, taking a few deep breaths or making a quick call to a loved one instead. 

Sending calls to voicemail: A bad habit that comes with having caller ID is not answering calls. Our ability to be responsive can nip issues in the bud and take things off of our list instead of always adding to it. If you have the time, answer the phone instead of just sending it to voicemail. In the long run, it makes you better able to handle unexpected and unwanted situations. 

What’s your bad habit and how did you overcome it?  Look forward to seeing your comments!  Please join me on FB: Choice over Chance or follow me @CoachLeena today.

Leena Roy, CFA/CPC is a Leadership & Life Coach. Choice over Chance is designed to elevate and empower Mid-level Managers & all Professionals to achieve their highest potential.

50 Shades of No

What do we really mean when we say ‘no’? When it comes to our careers, we frequently don’t actually mean ‘never’ when we say no, yet that is what our co-workers often hear. So how can we soften our NO and say exactly what we mean? 

Not now
A no can be time specific. We just mean ‘not right now’ or ‘not yet’. Instead of saying ‘no’ to your boss, try, ‘I would love to get that project to you, so let’s negotiate a better time.’ It leaves the door open for conversation. 

Not you
A no can be about the people involved. We might look at the partners in a project and say no to the entire venture. And yet, what we really mean is, ‘I’m not thrilled about this person but this could be highly successful if we involve a different group.’ 

Not here
Geography can often play a role in our decision to say no. For example, we may say no to a job because it is outside of our preferred locations. However, if we were more specific with our no and we said, ‘I can’t work in that location’, the company may be able to amend its offer with a remote or work-from-home option, or an offer to work at a different branch. 

Not so much/little
Sometimes, our no is about balance. When we start dating, we may get turned off by too much or too little attention from our date.  It is not the person necessarily that we want to say no to, but that is what ends up happening when we are unable to articulate how we really feel. 

Not in this way
The specifics of a situation can cause us to turn down the whole deal.  For example, a promotion lies just ahead, but then you learn you will need to fire 5 people right away as you enter the job. You aren’t saying no to the promotion or added responsibility, but you are saying no to the way in which it would have to unfold. 

Sometimes a no is simply a no. At other times, a no is triggered by a secondary choice we are not comfortable with. If we look a bit deeper, we can decide when it is appropriate to say no, and when we can negotiate a middle ground that will work with a no AND a yes.

Share your empowerment tip or challenge with us in the comment section or at Choice over Chance. You can follow me today @CoachLeena. I look forward to hearing from you.  

Leena Roy, CFA/CPC is a Leadership & Life Coach. Choice over Chance is designed to elevate and empower Mid-level Managers & all Professionals to achieve their highest potential.

Is There Really Such a Thing as Work Life Balance

As a young working mother who owned her own business, I struggled to balance the different parts of my life and learned six secrets for creating a sense of balance.

Treat each part of your life as a vacation from the other part
If you carry stress from one location to another, you can never play a one hundred percent game in either location. If you tend to take your work stress home with you, decompress when you drive home tonight. To unwind, listen to music or notice the beauty of the sky at stoplights en route. Tomorrow, when you arrive at work, decide you’re on vacation from your home life. If you genuinely commit to your job during the day, you work faster, harder, and have more energy and time left to tackle your home chores. If you truly shed work at the end of the day, you score a semi-vacation every night.

Write yourself back into the equation
You know the drill. There’s always something. The son with the broken collarbone, the daughter who’s going to “die” if you don’t drop everything at work to get her the science project she left home. Although at the end of the day you’ve handled all the kid issues and kept your boss happy, you can't say you’ve taken good care of yourself.

What if you wrote yourself back in to the equation by doing one small thing for yourself each day? So, what will be your treat -- a short thirty minute walk at noon, a conversation with a friend to make you feel better, or knowing that you’ve chosen only healthy foods for your lunch? Whatever it is, realize you’re restoring balance.   

Realize how much you do for yourself (even when you don’t) 
We can drive ourselves crazy thinking “when do I get time?” Except, if we think about what matters most, we’d put healthy, happy kids on top of the list.  This means what we do for our family, we do for ourselves – and we’re actually good at it. So what if the teen daughter never says thank you because she thinks the world revolves around her? You know what you did and what you had to juggle to accomplish what she needed. Give yourself an A.    

Leverage  
Perhaps your co-workers can manage to excel at their job and spend extra time detouring into procrastination, chitchat, or excess perfectionism, but you can’t. If you want to keep your job yet put personal life first, you need to focus intensely on work while at work, psyching yourself to work with extra speed. 

When you turn your work life upside down to get the science project from home for your daughter, leverage what you’ve done by saying, “it would have taken you a minute to put into your backpack but it took me an hour plus to deliver it. I love you, but next time, you need to remember.”  If she hears and learns, your hour wasn’t “wasted.”

Notice the small moments
Challenge yourself to see and use small moments. For example, do you sit patiently while waiting on hold on the phone or could you complete a small chore such as cleansing your delete log so your on-hold waiting time pays off? When traffic is stopped at the light, can you take two slow deep breaths and get in two abdominal holds – or at least enjoy the relaxing breaths while you gaze at the clouds? Can you slip that discussion you need to have with your son about paying more attention to his teacher into the conversation the two of you have as he’s helping you make the dinner salad?  

Accept that balance is a work in progress
Don’t expect to get balance “right” every day. Those who watch successful NASA flights learn that even the best flights involve constant mid-course corrections. One day without time for yourself means nothing – unless you turn that derailment into a permanent pattern.

Noticing what’s right and the progress you’re making pays huge dividends. I’ll never forget how exhausted I felt when I arrived home one night and realized I’d spent the drive home thinking about all the things I hadn’t done. The next night I reflected on what I’d accomplished as I drove home and notice the energy change.  

Which of these six secrets can you use to take back your sense of balance? 

© 2016, Lynne Curry, executive coach and author of Solutions and Beating the Workplace Bully. Follow her @lynnecurry10 or onwww.workplacecoachblog.com or on www.bullywhisperer.com™

5 Reasons Arguing is Good for your Health

Most of us don't want to confront others--tough conversations are difficult to have. But why is it a must? In the end if we hold it all in, we only hurt ourselves.

1. No two people see it the same way. What makes life interesting is that we see things differently. It would be boring if we agreed all the time. Diversity is a good thing.

2. Not saying how we feel builds resentments. When we pull back, say things inauthentically, agree when we don't feel like agreeing, we most likely will harbor resentments.

And resentments can have a toxic effect on any relationship, and also your health.

3. Disagreements can make a relationship stronger. The fear of someone leaving if we say how we really feel haunts many of us.  But having the willingness to work through differing points of view

makes life interesting and builds trust.

4. Your opinions matters. People in the best relationships, "Agree to Disagree." They appreciate their partner's point of view, without having to take it on. They also know what they think and feel is 

5. Asserting yourself brings with it self-respect. When you stand up for yourself and say what you really feel, you build self-esteem.

4 Ways for Introverts to Be More Assertive

For the introvert in the workplace caught in a world full of outgoing self-promoters, it can feel like a constant effort to be heard, understood and respected. Corporate culture tends to reward those most visible and vocal, so here are 4 quick strategies for an introvert to insert herself into the limelight. 

Put your hand up first 
The natural tendency of an introvert is to think before speaking. Combat this by putting your hand up or say, “Excuse me” or, “What about…” the moment someone stops speaking. This creates the space for you to talk before you can stop yourself. Once the attention is on you, you can ask a clarifying question or offer your thoughts on the topic or even summarize the situation from your perspective. Whatever it is, you get a chance to contribute and be heard. Chances are you are more prepared than you thought! 

They took credit, again? 
Something an introvert often faces is a colleague taking credit for his or her work. If this happens in a meeting, jump in right away to clarify: “Thanks for sharing that Mr. Credit-taker, I would just like to add that in doing this work, we…” Say your bit, whether it’s highlighting the work you both put in, or sharing a result that was not previously mentioned or simply clarifying that you were both on the team. Assert yourself politely and firmly.  

Communicate Ahead 
Knowing ahead of time that it may be hard to jump in or speak over a group of extroverts, send your thoughts in writing, in advance. Shoot an email with your analysis or questions to the team before a group discussion. This should naturally create a way to bring up your email during the meeting and allow you to verbalize what you have already written. If that doesn’t happen, at least the team is still aware of your contribution and you have asserted yourself. 

Request What You Need 
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Introverts may withdraw to create space for themselves. At work this can come across as non-cooperative and disengaged. Speak to your manager or team and tell them you are in the middle of a project and will need some quiet time. This lets them know you are aware and concerned while allowing you to assert yourself and share what you need, without it being awkward or difficult. 

The introvert journey can be a tough one, but with proper communication and an empowered approach, you can set yourself up for success on your own terms.  

Are you an introvert? Share your empowerment tip or challenge with us in the comment section or at Choice over Chance. You can follow me today @CoachLeena. I look forward to hearing from you.  

Leena Roy, CFA/CPC is a Leadership & Life Coach. Choice over Chance is designed to elevate and empower Mid-level Managers & all Professionals to achieve their highest potential.

4 Health Benefits of Hugs

Who doesn’t like a hug? From toddlers to great aunts, there’s a reason people are always trying to pull those they love into a tight embrace. It’s not just because it feels good, which it does, but because it’s good for you too! That’s why Dr. Nandi is encouraging you to become your own health hero, so reach out and hug someone today.

Here are some of the health benefits you can expect to experience from hugging.

LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE
According to a study completed at the University of North Carolina, hugging drastically improves your blood pressure. It not only makes it drop immediately post-hug, but for those who regularly hug the people they love, the improvement can be more permanent. It’s so significant that the blood pressure drop is similar to that achieved by prescription medication. As an added bonus, hugging also reduces heart rate, putting you at less of a risk of cardiovascular issues.

BOOSTS IMMUNE SYSTEM
Hugging does more than improve your blood pressure, it also boosts your immune system. Because it stimulates the thymus gland, which is in charge of regulating your white blood cells, those who hug fight off infections better. These people tend to overall be healthier and more disease-free than those who keep people at arm’s length.

IMPROVES RELATIONSHIPS
Whether it’s due to the oxytocin or the body closeness, hugging improves your relationships with people. By building trust, you’re creating a sense of security and boosting your self-esteem and self-worth. Hugging also improves people’s communication and tends to make them get along better. After all, it’s hard to be mad at someone who gives really good hugs.

HELPS YOU RELAX
Hugging helps you let go of your daily stress and become more relaxed. Physically, it relaxes your muscles and releases tension in your neck and shoulders. Mentally, it gives you peace and is like taking a big, deep breath for your well-being.

If you’re looking to do something easy to improve your health, Dr. Nandi says to grab the person next to you and give them a hug. It not only improves your day and health, but it helps theirs as well.

PARTHA’S RX

• While hugging someone you love has its own rewards, you don’t have to be close to the person you’re hugging to reap the health benefits

• Hugging increases serotonin, a neurotransmitter often associated with feelings of happiness and well-being

• All hugs make you feel better and improve your health, but if you can get them to last at least 30 seconds, you’ll experience a surge of hormones and a boost to your hugging health benefits

• The roots of self-esteem are rooted in tactile sensations from infancy, so hugging and touching drastically improve them

• Hugging puts you in the moment, allows you to let go of stress, and be present and mindful

Partha Nandi M.D., F.A.C.P is the creator and host of the internationally syndicated medical lifestyle television show, Ask Dr. Nandi. Dr. Nandi delivers passionate and inspiring talks to empower the world in his mission, “To Be Your Own Health Hero.”

Signs You Are Compromising Yourself Too Much

Research shows that too often women are more worried about being liked than respected. This desire to be liked can take us to extremes and be detrimental to our success. 

Being liked is not bad and it is important as a leader. But when being liked makes us compromise our values and our personal dreams, we end up not liking ourselves as we watch other people attain the goals we desire.

Here are five signs you are compromising yourself too much.

1. People no longer ask you strategic business questions, but rely on you to perform unimportant tasks because they know you’ll say yes.

2. Co-workers and managers assume you agree with them on issues you don’t because you didn’t want to speak up in opposition.

3. Other people are taking credit for ideas you’ve shared and you say nothing. You rationalize by tell yourself “it doesn’t matter who gets credit as long as it gets done.”

4. You always say yes to more work, and are wondering where your life and time went at the end of each day or week.

5. You feel bad and wish you had taken an action, spoken up, or shared a new idea but are now hesitant to be seen as a disruptor or ‘troublemaker.”

If any of these signs describe you, it’s time to get into action and stop.

Easier said than done, you think? 

My next post will provide 5 actions you can take to change and get the respect you deserve from yourself and others.

Meanwhile, take time to observe your behavior, thoughts and feelings around over-compromising. Jot down when you feel stretched, the specifics of the situation, what you say and what you do. 

Look for themes or repeat situations and read my next post to help you take charge of yourself and your career.

Simma Lieberman is a speaker, consultant and coach in diversity, inclusion and executive leadership. Contact her now at simma@simmalieberman.com, or viisit her website www.simmalieberman.com.

3 Reasons Confident Women Do Not Buy into Shame

Shame and guilt are often confused with each other, and yet they are completely different in how they make us feel about ourselves.   

Guilt serves to remind us that we have moved away from our value, and have perhaps made a choice that was not aligned with our best selves. This allows you to acknowledge and learn from the mistake.   

Shame, on the other hand, just makes you feel bad about and devalue yourself. That is why Warrior Women around the world say “no thank you” to shame!  

The difference is critical when you put it into practice.

Guilt looks like this: “I made a bad choice; that was not very insightful of me.”  

And this is shame: “I made a bad choice. I am the stupidest person I know.”  

Three reasons why the warrior woman doesn’t buy into shame?  

1) The Warrior Woman KNOWS herself. She knows her strengths and weaknesses. If she made a mistake, she can bounce back, and find a lesson, and grow from it. Or get the help she needs.  

2) The Warrior Woman LOVES herself. She knows she’s both lovable and valuable.  She can make a bad choice just like anyone else; it doesn’t reduce her intrinsic goodness or what she’s capable of accomplishing.  

3) The Warrior Woman is into BEING herself. She has learned and loved herself to the point where she  is comfortable being her true self in the world. When she goes down the wrong path, it is never long before she checks in with herself. As she self-corrects, she also knows how to rise above and forgive herself. 

Forgiveness and self-acceptance are the Warrior Woman’s antidotes to shame. She won’t be taking that poison pill anymore.  

Need support managing fear and shame? Please share your thoughts in the comment section or at Choice over Chance.  You can follow me today @CoachLeena, I look forward to hearing from you.    

Leena Roy, CFA/CPC is a Leadership & Life Coach. Choice over Chance is designed to elevate and empower Mid-level Managers & all Professionals to achieve their highest potential.