Helene Lerner's Blog, page 177

Acknowledge How Special You Are

With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it is easy to lose yourself in all of the chaos. Take reflective time for yourself over the next few weeks. Watch our short video for an inspirational boost! 

For more videos with a holiday spirit, take a virtual stroll through New York City or visit the Holiday Fair at Grand Central Station. And for more inspirational words and photos, be sure to like us on Facebook. 

–Video by Nina Giordano

How Do You Handle Arguments?

We had great conversations taking place on our Facebook page this weekend, covering a wide range of topics. From favorite movies to coping with difficult family moments, the WomenWorking community had a lot to say. One question dealt with a difficult issue: "How do you handle the aftermath of a heated argument?" Read the advice of our followers. 

Diana Rico: Sit down and meditate. 

Linda Samuels: Need quiet space to calm down. Remove self from situation. 

Mary Wink: Jog, other physical activity, find a safe space and stay there for a while...but first I make moves to avoid the heated argument...if it is one sided, I walk away.

Lesa R Townsend: Hug the person I argued with. No argument is worth parting with hurt feelings. 

Be sure to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to chime in on future conversations. Want to start a conversation yourself? Sound off on our forum for active discussions within the WomenWorking community. 

Why Does It Take a Crisis to Connect?

The Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy demonstrated how people around the country, and the world, reached out to the families who were impacted. There was an outpouring of love and a desire to help. Broadcast journalists shared not only the facts but also personal comments about how the incident touched them.

Why can't this type of kindness and support be the norm, something we do more of each day, whether we are confronted with a tragedy or not.

Look around you, there are so many people who would benefit from a random act of kindness.

There is really no way to make sense of what happened last Friday, but one thing it demonstrates is how small the world really is, and how there is only one community, the community of mankind.

Today and everyday, reach out and touch someone with a good deed. Be a part of the change that is needed in the world.

Happy Holidays From New York City

New York City is abuzz with holiday spirit. While there may not be snow on the ground (yet!), the decorated storefront windows and festive street-side displays have truly made it feel like the most magical time of the year. Enjoy the holiday decor as we explore New York's most breathtaking sites, including Rockefeller Center, Fifth Avenue, and FAO Schwarz. Happy holidays!

–Video by Nina Giordano

Hollywood Heroines of 2012

Each year the big screens are flooded with images of women and girls as love-struck teens and dysfunctional adults. 2012 brought us something different – something refreshing. Strong women starred in many of the most successful films of the year. Let’s look back at some of 2012’s heroines who defied the stereotypes associated with women and girls.

The Hunger Games. Adapted from the young adult novel by Suzanne Collins, “The Hunger Games” stars 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen as the main protagonist. She is a skilled hunter and born survivor, escaping death multiple times and surviving until the end of the Games. The film is one of a handful of films to feature a female action star, and Jennifer Lawrence, the actress who played Katniss, was nominated for the “Favorite Face of Heroism” award at the People’s Choice Awards and “Best Hero” at the MTV Movie Awards. Look for Katniss to return in the sequel, “Catching Fire,” in theaters November 2013. 

Brave. Perhaps the most iconic redhead of the year, Merida is a young princess who covets her own independence. When three men arrive to battle for her hand in marriage, she enters herself into the contest with the hopes of winning, and choosing her own fate. By the end of the film, she rescues her family and kingdom from an evil spell. “Brave” is the first movie from Disney Pixar to feature a strong female lead.

Snow White and the Huntsman. With all of the behind-the-scenes drama aside, “Snow White and the Huntsman” is a much edgier version of the childhood tale we all know. Snow White, played by Kristin Stewart, awakens from the Queen’s spell, infiltrates her majesty’s castle, and kills her in the end. There is no singing with wholesome woodland creatures, instead the film explores the challenges Snow White must overcome challenges to regain her freedom. 

Can’t get enough girl-power? Check out some of the moments that mattered for female empowerment in 2012, as well as top leaders to watch. 

–Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Tap Into Your Creative Courage

Courage is essential to self-expression and that expression, regardless of its form, is creative. Anything that we want to change in our life invites in the creative process, whether we are changing careers, starting a business, going on a diet, or writing a book. We have to be able to imagine the ingredients of what we want in order to “bake the cake.” To begin, we take a calculated risk and experiment with options until we find a formula that works for us. As Erich Fromm says, “Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” 

I did a survey of my newsletter readers, and people talked about wanting to immerse themselves in a creative lifestyle and make it profitable. People wanted to get their work exhibited or licensed or distributed widely, or have the guts to let go and move in a totally different direction. But what they all lacked was confidence and belief in themselves. All of these aspirations and changes require courage. 

The biggest culprit for why we can’t achieve the changes we want in our lives is the negative mind-set that we put on ourselves like a plastic sports helmet. We need guidance and support to take that helmet of “no can do” off once and for all and start our change action plan today. The reason I developed the “Creative Courage Cards” was to build up your courage muscles and get you actively working on your goals every day. 

I use the cards myself. Right now, I am studying drawing (using the right brain approach), which makes me feel like a total idiot. I would rather clean the bathroom than try the exercises. I just want to paint with my watercolors and have fun. But I finally decided to discipline myself to complete this program. It takes courage to keep drawing pears over and over and have them still not look perfect. I have to remind myself to honor the magic of the creative process and to keep that negative helmet off of my head. It works. I keep drawing. 

What do you need courage to do in your life?

–Gail McMeekin, Career Coach

Do You Embrace Your Greatness?

We all need role models, and this morning I attended the National Association of Female Executives (NAFE) Women of Excellence awards. Carol Evans, President of Working Mother Media, and Betty Spence, PhD, President of NAFE, hosted the event. Both have unbounding energy and are committed to advancing women and girls. It's exciting to be around them. There were 13 honorees, several of whom I know personally. What struck me is that these women are bold risk-takers, and look to pay it forward. 

This year's wome of excellence winners included:

Helene Gayle, MD, MPH, President & CEO, CARE USA;
Elaine Sarsynski, Chairman, President & CEO, MassMutual Internationl LLC;
Robin Lenna, EVP, Corporate Benefit Funding; Chair of the Board, MetLife Assurance Ltd.;
Victoria McInnis, Chief Tax Officer, General Motors;
Aida Sabo, Vice President, Diversity & Inclusion, Cardinal Health;
Sandy Carter, Vice President, Social Business Evangelism and Sales, IBM;
Rosemarie Lanard, VP, Employee Engagement & Diversity, McGraw Hill Financial;
Linda Descano, President & CEO, Women & Co; Managing Director & Head, Digital Partnerships, Content and Social, North America Maketing, Citi;
Tracey Gray-Walker, Senior Vice President, Diversity & Inclusion, AXA Equitable Life Insurance Company;
Donna Pepe, Founder & President, Communication Strategies, Inc.;
Beth Harrison, Head of Global Women's Empowerment, Corporate Affairs, Walmart;
Geri Shapiro, Regional Director, Office of Senator Kirsten Gillibrand; and
Darlene Tranoski, Program Director for Women Against Child Trafficking. 

The message for me was that women at every level can step out more boldly and make their mark in their businesses, in their communities, and in the world. The time for change is now – not tomorrow, next year, or five years from now. Robin Lenna, MetLife, talked about stepping out of your comfort zone. I totally agree. 

We need more women leading businesses and assuming profit-and-loss (P&L operations) positions. We need more female leaders in government and in other organizations.

It is possible to create immediate change, one action at a time. 

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Janet Wigfield, Working Mother Media (left) with Dr. Betty Spence

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Dr. Betty Spence, Helene Gayle, and Carol Evans (left to right)

Feast on Fresh Focaccia

Many of us have a love/hate relationship with bread. It comes in so many flavorful shapes and sizes, but if you have just a bit too much you can feel the side effects of the carbohydrate binge for days. So instead of wasting your appetite on store-bought bread, why not bake it yourself? Not all bread recipes are difficult to make, and this focaccia recipe is doable even for a novice baker. This homemade bread is low on salt and oil but high on flavor, so you'll be full, happy, and guilt-free when all is said and done. Feel free to choose your own toppings – I went all the way and loaded mine with tomatoes, onion, garlic, and rosemary – but even just some olive oil and rosemary will do. This dish makes a great appetizer for your next family dinner or even a great gift for your closest foodie friends. 

Focaccia: Yields 1 loaf

2 teaspoons rapid-rising dry yeast
1 cup warm water
2 tablespoons sugar
3 1/2 to 4 cups flour
1 tablespoon coarse salt
1/4 cup olive oil
Cornmeal, for dusting

Toppings:

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tomato, thinly sliced
1/2 red onion, thinly sliced 
1/4 cup shredded Parmesan
1 tablespoon coarse salt
Freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary

Directions:

-Using the dough hook of either a stnading or handheld mixer, proof the yeast by combining it with the water and sugar. Stir gently to dissolve. Let mixture sit 3 minutes until a layer of foam appears. Turn the mixer on low and slowly add flour to the bowl, mixing throughout. Dissolve salt in 2 tablespoons of water and add to mixture. Add 1/4 cup olive oil. When the dough starts to stick together, turn the mixer on medium speed. Stop mixing periodically to scrape down the dough hooks. Mix until dough is smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. Add more flour if necessary.
-Place dough on work surface and fold over itself several times. Form the dough into a round ball and place in a well-oiled bowl, turning to coat the ball evenly with oil. Cover with plastic wrap or a damp towel and let it rise in a warm area until it doubles in size, about 45 minutes. 
-Coat a sheat pan with olive oil and corn meal. Once the dough has doubled in size, turn it onto the counter. Roll and stretch dough into an oval shape about half an inch thick. Lay the dough on the pan and cover with plastic wrap. Let rest for 15 minutes.  
-While the dough is still, saute the onions in olive oil over low heat for 15 minutes until they caramelize. Preheat the over to 400 degrees F. Uncover dough and brush the surface with more olive oil before adding your toppings. Bake on the bottom rack for 15-20 minutes, depending on how soft or crunchy you prefer your crust.  
-Let cool, cut, and serve. Enjoy!

If you've given up bread -- whether by choice or for medical reasons -- have no fear. Watch former Top Chef contestant whip up some healthy veggie-focused meals, or try your hand at this festive pistachio and pomegranate semifreddo for dessert.  

–Lindsay Putnam 

Career Coach: Know Your Value and Create the Life You Want

In my 30 years of experience helping people to heal and create a life they want, I have been struck repeatedly with how essential it is for each of us to do the necessary soul searching to design and live by our own definition of success. In this celebrity and media-crazed culture we live in, it is easy to get confused. We need to craft a success that is meaningful for us, not one that just impresses other people. 

I have worked with hundreds of clients who have been tortured by the agony of living according to someone else's values, misconceptions, scripts, or formulas. While the media or your family may worship fame, money, or prestige, none of these guarantee happiness for you, unless you freely choose them. Whether you are 24 or 84, it’s time to stop the lies and live a life that matches your values. 

Look beyond dollar signs. We all deserve prosperity; the starving artist syndrome serves no one. Yet, fulfillment in life means knowing what you want while appreciating what you already have, and having the self-worth to think independently and create a life that’s original and right for you. 

Be realistic. I have a client now who keeps brainstorming with me about ideas for this elaborate consulting business. But if you look at her life goals – paired with her chronic health issues – she really only wants to work 20 hours a week. That eliminates many of her ideas, at least at this stage. The best time management strategy is to let go of fantasies and to work within your boundaries. 

Plan ahead. This month, take a day to reflect on and write down your own definition of success that expresses what you know to be true about yourself. This process gives you a guiding light of clarify to rely on daily as you begin to transform your life to live by your values. To keep yourself on track, consider crafting a Personal Mission Statement as you continue to follow your goals. 

–Gail McMeekin, Career Coach

Know Your Value and Create the Life You Want

In my 30 years of experience helping people to heal and create a life they want, I have been struck repeatedly with how essential it is for each of us to do the necessary soul searching to design and live by our own definition of success. In this celebrity and media-crazed culture we live in, it is easy to get confused. We need to craft a success that is meaningful for us, not one that just impresses other people. 

I have worked with hundreds of clients who have been tortured by the agony of living according to someone else's values, misconceptions, scripts, or formulas. While the media or your family may worship fame, money, or prestige, none of these guarantee happiness for you, unless you freely choose them. Whether you are 24 or 84, it’s time to stop the lies and live a life that matches your values. 

Look beyond dollar signs. We all deserve prosperity; the starving artist syndrome serves no one. Yet, fulfillment in life means knowing what you want while appreciating what you already have, and having the self-worth to think independently and create a life that’s original and right for you. 

Be realistic. I have a client now who keeps brainstorming with me about ideas for this elaborate consulting business. But if you look at her life goals – paired with her chronic health issues – she really only wants to work 20 hours a week. That eliminates many of her ideas, at least at this stage. The best time management strategy is to let go of fantasies and to work within your boundaries. 

Plan ahead. This month, take a day to reflect on and write down your own definition of success that expresses what you know to be true about yourself. This process gives you a guiding light of clarify to rely on daily as you begin to transform your life to live by your values. To keep yourself on track, consider crafting a Personal Mission Statement as you continue to follow your goals. 

–Gail McMeekin, Career Coach