Helene Lerner's Blog, page 176

A Special Holiday Wish for YOU

I have met so many wonderful women this year whose talent and wisdom can transform any challenge, big and small. In 2013, we need more women to become the leaders that they were meant to be. The power inside each one of us can create solutions to the turmoil facing our planet.

With this in mind, here is my special wish for each one of you.

In this holiday season, rekindle the light within you--your love and enthusiasm.

Let your passion burn brightly.

With compassion, reach out to people in need of your hope and vision.

Communicate that even in the darkest moments, we are not alone. 

Remember that adversity grows our "inner muscles" if we understand the lessons that it brings.

Our lives are like unique tapestries. May you craft your richest year ever in 2013.

Fondly, Helene Lerner

 

Create the Ultimate Christmas Playlist

Tomorrow is Christmas, so by now most of us have completed our shopping, trimmed the tree, cleaned the house, and finished baking copious amounts of holiday treats. But while the major components of your Christmas party may be in check, many leave one important aspect unfinished until the last minute: the music. 

Your choice of tunes may depend on the setting, the guests, and the theme of your party. Just like any other party, the wrong music may set the wrong atmosphere – picture classical music being played at a nightclub. Avoid confusing your guests and bringing down the party with these simple tips. 

Pick a theme. Is there a particular genre of music that you enjoy listening to the most? If you and your closest friends and family members went to a country music festival, choose holiday songs by country artists. The online music site Pandora offers a wide range of Christmas-themed stations to choose from, including Indie Holidays, Jazz Holidays, and Classical Christmas. 

Please your guests. Are you having a family party where many children will be present, or is this a selective gathering of adults? Children will prefer music that they know and can sing along to – throw on the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” soundtrack or the “Glee” holiday album. For a more sophisticated crowd, stick with the classics, such as Rod Stewart or Nat King Cole. 

Plan a vibe. What type of party are you hosting? Do you want your guests out in the living room rockin’ around the Christmas tree, or do you picture them gathered around the dinner table nursing a glass of wine? For a lively event, consider more pop or rock-themed holiday tunes; for a mellow affair, try a soothing voice like crooner Bing Crosby.

Test it out.  Once you think you have chosen the music you would like for your holiday party, be sure to whip up a playlist and give it a run through. If you are using a site like Pandora, you don’t have to make your own playlist. Otherwise, you will want to download the songs you want online and put them together in whatever fashion you desire. Listen to the playlist prior to your party to make sure nothing goes awry. 

—Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Will You Conquer Your Career Goals in 2013?

Are you getting ready to set your goals for 2013? Before you begin, first take a look at the essentials. A goal is a statement of intention, a target. Is your goal realistic, time-limited, measurable, and written down? We know that most New Year’s resolutions bite the dust by March. Why is that? Many people set too many goals, get overwhelmed, and give up. Other people set impossible goals, like losing 50 pounds in a month. That’s hard to do without causing harm to your body. 

When it comes to the goals you set for your career, it’s important to have concrete achievements – a vague goal, such as, “I want to make more money,” is only setting you up for defeat. You need to specify how much, how you plan to do it, and for what purpose. If this is your fifth year of saying that you are going to change careers, your goal has to be dissected. You need accountability, deadlines, and support to achieve them. If you fail, it does not mean that you are not “good enough;” it means that you don’t have the right formula for success. So before you commit to new goals for advancing your career this year, follow these steps to make the most of your resolutions. 

It’s all in the details. State your goals, one at a time, in positive terms. Be as specific as possible about the exact result you want with a definite deadline. For example, “I am going to confidently give 12 great speeches this year using PowerPoint at professional conferences throughout the region.” 

Why? What is your compelling reason for wanting to achieve this goal, and why now? Perhaps you are gunning for a promotion, and achieving this benchmark will be sure to put you ahead of your coworkers. You need to keep this explanation for your goal in mind when things get tough, otherwise you may feel tempted to give up. 

Know the costs. When you are planning your goal, know what you are going to have to sacrifice to achieve it. What are you going to subtract or postpone in your life to give yourself the time and mental energy to achieve a positive result? Perhaps you spend one Thursday night a month putting together your PowerPoints instead of grabbing drinks with the girls. 

Break it down. Plan daily, weekly, and monthly action steps that you must take to achieve your goal. Holding yourself accountable for the parts that make up the whole resolution will make your final objective seem much more attainable. 

Build your network. Find a person or a support group that you can count on to bolster your efforts. Change goes more smoothly when you have people checking in with you. Confide in a coworker or a friend in a related field about your goal, and practice your speeches on them to get their advice. 

—Gail McMeekin, Career Coach 

Appreciate the moment and create!

Years ago, a terrific woman, Yael Alkalay, was on one of my television shows. She had just graduated Columbia Business School where she was a recipient of a $250,000 grant to create her company, Red Flower. Today, her business is thriving with a global presence.

Be inspired by Yael, who overcame a personal challenge to create her product line which is influenced by cultural body-care rituals from around the world.

We are also excited to give away a $200 gift basket of Red Flower products. To be considered, please like our Facebook page by Thursday, December 27.

 

–Video by Nina Giordano

Make Your Social Media Mark in 2013

Think back five years ago. Was “social media” even in your vocabulary? Maybe you were just getting started with your first Facebook account, or perhaps you were still holding on to your MySpace page. Fast-forward to 2012. Could you imagine life today without Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram? The technology we use day-to-day has evolved so much over the past few years, so it begs the question: What new social media advancements will pop up in 2013?

We asked personal branding guru William Arruda what we should expect to see that’s new in 2013. William is one of the most sought-after experts on personal branding and social media, and Fortune magazine, Adobe, JP Morgan, Microsoft, and Morgan Stanley are just some of the names on his client list. Here are William’s best tips for what to look for in the upcoming year and how you can make your personal brand stand out from the crowd. 

Multimedia. More and more users can stand out on social media sites with multimedia content. Just last week, LinkedIn made a big change on its site by allowing users to upload videos, images, and presentations to their profiles in lieu of summaries and job descriptions. If you want to stand out you should switch to multimedia content now so you’ll be ahead of the curve. 

Video calls. Not just video content you post to the web, but real-time video. The world is becoming a much more virtual place, and with more work being done from the home or from a satellite office, it is important to still be able to connect with the people you are working with. Video calls via Skype or Google+ hangouts give others the opportunity to really see you, not just hear words being spoken through a telephone. 

QR Codes. Have you ever noticed those silly looking squares in the corner of advertisements on the subway or in a magazine? That’s a QR code. Smart phones can scan the code by downloading an app, and that will bring you to a website or other online content. QR codes have been big in the advertising world for the past year, but they will likely play a much bigger role in 2013. I have already met people with QR codes on their business cards that bring you straight to their personal website and social media sites; expect more of this in the upcoming year. 

How will established social media sites adapt to these changes over the coming year? Stay tuned next week for William’s take on what new life will be breathed into some of our favorite networking tools.

—Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Jumpstart Your Creativity

You are a creative person. After all, you have a career, perhaps even run a business. You have the ability to do innovative work and to make new connections. Yet, sometimes our creativity stalls, plays tricks on us, or appears to have vanished completely. It is at these moments we need to reconnect with our inspirational powers to invent something new and useful. The following tips are meant to arouse your natural creative gifts. 

Make a list. Keep a daily “excitement list,” either on your phone or in a notebook for one month. Write down anything – a color, world hunger, a book, etc. – that intrigues you, even if you don’t know why. What fascinates you about the topic? Why is it compelling to you personally? How does it matter to your company or the larger world? Look for all the patterns and then select a creative project to begin at the end of your month. 

Plan a trip. Take a field trip relating to your project to explore a particular facet of it. For reasons unknown, one of my clients was fascinated by gorillas. I advised her to go to the zoo for a day, without a clue about what she was looking for. While sitting with the gorillas, they reminded her of the power of nonverbal communication – the missing ingredient in her new training program. 

Pick a beat. Select music to reflect the mood of the project you are working on. Music creates a natural high, and your creative muse loves it! Listen to music to begin your creative time each day, as it sets the project into motion – almost like putting you in a trance. 

Think like a kid. Go to a toy store and buy a toy that reminds you of your creative project. Spend some time playing with the toy and write down all the metaphors that you discover. A stuffed giant caterpillar once guided me to organize a product into interlocking but flexible sections, similar to the body of a caterpillar. 

Take risks. Send your inner critic on vacation and learn to suspend all negative judgments. Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes and take positive risks with your work. Imagine that you are fearless about your work, what out-on-a-limb strategies would you try next? Trial and error will bring you to creative success! Mistakes are the pathway to the right answer. 

—Gail McMeekin, Career Coach 

Feeling Devilish? Indulge in Chocolate!

It’s that time of the year again – the tree is trimmed, the storefronts are filled with holiday treats, and you get the strange feeling that you are being stalked by chocolate and other delicious treats. For most, this is the one time of the year when diets are put on a temporary hold while friends and family come together to celebrate the season.

But it’s not all fun and games; coming up with the perfect gift for a friend, family member, or coworker can be difficult, which is probably why so many go for the foolproof "dessert present." Personally, my favorite treat has always been cupcakes: they are small, but also packed with flavor and sophistication. Limiting yourself to one cupcake is hard, but it’s also a great way to avoid falling off the diet wagon completely. Below is my favorite recipe for devil’s food cupcakes from Martha Stewart, a great dessert at any time of year.

Devil’s Food Cupcakes: Makes 24

1/2 cup unsweetened Dutch-process cocoa powder
1/2 cup hot water
2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp coarse salt
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 large eggs, room temperature
1 TBSP pure vanilla extract
2/3 cup sour cream, room temperature

2/3 pound good quality bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
3 TBSP corn syrup
1 block of good quality chocolate (slightly above room temp) 

-Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Line muffin tins with paper liners. Whisk together the cocoa and hot water until the clumps have smoothed. In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.
-Melt butter with sugar in a saucepan over medium-low heat, stirring throughout to combine. Remove from heat and pour into a mixing bowl. Using an electric mixer on medium-low speed, beat for 4 to 5 minutes, until mixture is cool. Add eggs, one at a time, beating until each is incorporated in the mix and scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Add the vanilla and cocoa mixture, and beat until combined. Reduce the speed and add the flour mixture in two batches, alternating with the sour cream, and beating until just combined after each.
-Divide the batter evenly among the cups, filling each three-quarters full. Bake, rotating tins halfway through, until a toothpick/fork inserted in the center comes out clean, about 20 minutes. Transfer muffin tins to a wire rack to cool for 15 minutes, then remove the cupcakes from tins and let cool completely on wire racks.

Ganache:

-Place chocolate in a large heatproof bowl. Bring cream and corn syrup to a simmer over medium-high heat; pour mixture over chocolate. Let stand, without stirring, until chocolate begins to melt.
-Stir the melted chocolate into the cream until mixture is combined and smooth. Do not overstir.
-Refrigerate, stirring every 5 minutes, until the frosting just barely begins to hold its shape and is lighter in color. Serve immediately; use a piping bag to frost the cupcakes.
-Once the block of chocolate is slightly warm, use a vegetable peeler to slice strips from the chocolate into the shape of curls. Start from the far edge of the block and move the peeler toward you. Shave directly onto cupcake and serve. Refrigerate for up to 3 days in an airtight container.

Can't get enough chocolate? Watch Chef Tai Chopping decorate a cake, or see some of the decadent desserts on display at Sugar Sweet Sunshine bakery in New York City. 

–Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Are You Sabotaging Your Career?

Too often, we let important projects languish in limbo, and we pay a price for it. Mary has a book almost ready to go to the printer, but she keeps postponing her final edits. Sarah was chosen to do a presentation at her company’s sales conference in two months, but she hasn’t started it and the PR people are asking for copy. These are a few examples of how individuals can unintentionally put their careers in jeopardy. 

Most often, fear is at the root of career sabotage. In order to advance your career or grow your business, here are some fear-busting strategies. A lot of it has to do with changing your mind-set and learning how to take positive risks that will help you achieve your goals. You need to let go of the following beliefs:

I need to be perfect and not make mistakes. Smart women know that perfection is unattainable, so you should strive for excellence instead. Release that negative straitjacket of needing everything to be perfect and get real – do the best that you can do and then let go. If Mary is still uncomfortable about her book going to the printer, she should hire someone to review her final edits for further assurance. 

I am not good at this, so I will try to avoid it. If there’s an aspect of your job description that you don’t feel as confident about, you need to work on that skill, not run away from it. If Sarah is in sales and cannot complete a presentation, she is not likely to go far in her field. Public speaking is the number one fear of adults, but if you are in a job that requires it you must take advantage of the resources that are out there. Watch TED talks or videos on YouTube to see how effective speakers operate and learn from their behaviors. 

If people criticize me, I will be embarrassed. As women, we need to come to grips with the fact that not everyone will like us or our work and get over it. If you are being criticized for a skill you believe you are great at, then take it with a grain of salt. If the criticism is toward a skill you are still working on, ask that person what you can do to improve the next time around. Feedback, both positive and negative, is essential for personal growth. 

Asking for help is a sign of weakness and incompetence.  We often think we are supposed to be able to master everything quickly, and that if we don’t, it is somehow our fault. You don’t need to broadcast that you are unsure of things to your colleagues; make a list of what you need to know and find the best person to answer your questions so you can make informed decisions. Asking for help is an executive skill, and action diminishes fear.

—Gail McMeekin, Career Coach

Overcoming the Past, Changing the Future

While snooping around her mother’s dresser as a young girl, Deborah Jiang Stein came across a piece of paper that would change her life. It was a letter written to the family attorney describing the circumstances of her adoption – she was born in a prison, where her birthmother was an inmate at the time. Though she had always known she was adopted, the truth about her birthmother rattled her. “I felt like I had no one to turn to, no one to help me with my grief,” she remembers. 

Years later, that unexplored pain drove Deborah to fall in with the wrong crowd and have some run-ins with the law – she even witnessed a stabbing. As a result of this violent act, she realized that without any major change she would end up just like her birthmother; the only way she could avoid that was to come to terms with her past. “That life threatening incident drove me to stop drinking and quit drugs,” Deborah reveals. “It took time for me to change my outlook on life – time to forgive myself, to accept my roots, and to face my story rather than run away from it.”

She began her healing process by visiting the prison where her mother had stayed. The prison staff, moved by Deborah’s story, invited her to lead a writing workshop for the female inmates – they wanted the prisoners to see a woman who had escaped a fate similar to theirs. Deborah began telling small groups about her mother, how she found solace from her problems in drugs and alcohol, and how she got the courage to change the direction in which her life was headed. 

Over time, the small groups evolved into packed gymnasiums where Deborah has continued to speak about having the power to change your life. She hopes that through her story, women will be able to face their own pasts and find the motivation to change their futures. “The majority of women are sentenced for nonviolent drug-related crimes, and I believe most would make the life changes needed if they had the resources and motivation,” Deborah says. 

Deborah has been speaking in prisons for 10 years now, but last year she took her work a step further by creating the unPrison Project, a nonprofit organization supporting the rehabilitation of inmates. The organization aims to educate incarcerated women and turn them into mentors for future generations. “It will allow the work to go beyond me. The women can return and tell their own stories and plant seeds of hope. It isn’t about just me anymore, it’s about them.”

In 2011 her first book, Even Tough Girls Wear Tutus, was released, detailing the courage it takes to find purpose and passion in life. She hopes that her story will show men and women from all backgrounds that coming to terms with your past is vital in planning a positive future. Her advice? Face the problem head on: “We are a culture that tries to get away from everything, to escape. Face the demon, put on your boxing gloves, and be ready to fight.” 

Deborah speaks at a women's prison in May 2012.

–Lindsay Putnam

Career Coach: Improve Your Relationship With Your Boss

On the career front, your relationship with your boss can be key to advancement. Just as a strong boss may motivate you to take action, an absent one may stall you from reaching your goals. Not all companies offer managerial training, so your boss may not know how to be the supportive, effective guide you need. If you are not satisfied with the current arrangement, you need to take the initiative to improve your relationship. Here are some ways to evaluate your boss and find what works for the two of you. 

Assess the situation. Write a pro/con list about the strengths and weaknesses of your boss. Then study her behavior carefully for two weeks. In what circumstances is she helpful to you and when does she fail you? Does your boss favor certain people or treat everyone equally? Does your boss have a “mood disorder” and take it out on you and others? Do you think your boss enjoys being a manager or resents it as just one more burden on the to-do list? 

Self-reflect. After you have done the assessment on your boss, do one on yourself. What do you need and want most from a boss? Is it motivation, knowledge, praise, valuable critiques, etc.? Zero in on what you want. Does your current supervisor have the ability and the willingness to be this kind of boss?

Talk it out. Review your job description and decide on one to three things that you would like from your boss. Schedule a meeting with her and ask for one of those things that you want, i.e. more experience learning a specific skill. Offer a solution as part of your request. If you get a positive response, great. If not, try it with another item on your list. If you get nowhere, then you need to decide whether to leave or stay. 

Shop around. If you decided that this is not the place for you, then look for further opportunities both in your company and outside of it. Get to know other managers who may have some of the qualities that you’d like in a mentor. Be sure to network outside of your company as well. A better fit may reside elsewhere.

–Gail McMeekin, Career Coach