Jen Lancaster's Blog, page 13

Summer Reading List, Part The First

It's 80 degrees a cloudless sky, there's a sparkly pool outside, and last night I finally got to switch my thermostat from heat to air conditioning. As today's the perfect day for a beach read, I'm not going to screw around by putting out a comprehensive list as I want to actually BE in the sun working through my own personal reading list. So, today's choices of summer reads should bring you up to July, when I'll put out the second part of the reading list, followed by a third list in August. Many of my favorite new books (With a Little Luck by Caprice Crane, Always Something There to Remind Me by Beth Harbison, Then There Was You by Jennifer Weiner) aren't 'til mid to late summer, so I don't want to taunt you with excellent reads you can't yet get, hence multiple lists. (Please note that I have the best job in the world because I often get to read early copies of great books.) Anyway, cool? Cool. Let's do this. First up, The First Husband by Laura Dave. If you didn't already fall in love with Dave's crisp dialogue and thoughful character studies in London Is the Best City in America and The Divorce Party, prepare to be completely won over in this tale of what happens when one woman's happily ever after veers wildly off course. Smart, unexpected, and dead-on witty, I just inhaled this book. Laura Dave's novels embody everything that's great about contemporary women's...

May's Humor Hotel Column - With the Extra Cranky, Strep Throat-Based Travel Edition Edit

Remember when air travel was glamorous? Once upon a time, men took trans-Atlantic flights clad in suits and fedoras and ladies didn't step onto the tarmac without seamed stockings and white gloves. And the stewardesses? No, not flight attendants, stewardesses -- were pretty much sex on a stick. Actually, those days existed long before I ever booked a ticket, however I'm a huge fan of "Mad Men" and have thus lived vicariously through the oh-so-civilized Don Draper. (EDIT - not the adultery or the chain smoking. Just the good grooming, sense of decorum, and day drinking.) If Don Draper were flying the Friendly Skies today, I wonder how he'd feel about the vagaries of modern travel, considering the elegance has gone the way of the smoking section. As I'm currently on a cross-country tour promoting my first novel, I'm well-versed in everything wrong with the state of aviation. My concerns don't center on the indignity of a TSA groping (without benefit of dinner), departure times best described as "guesstimates," or the constant nickel-and-diming on all things luggage-related. I view these aspects as cost of doing business in a post 9/11 world. Complaining isn't going to make a difference. (EDIT - I've revised my view on this after a thorough rogering by the Kansas City TSA due to trace elements of chemicals on my hands. Should you prefer to avoid the potential of having to bend and cough, please refrain from applying DHA-based spray tan twenty-four hours prior to boarding.) Rather,...

One More Week

After two weeks on the road I can sum up the current state of my household in three words: Everyone's gone feral. Phoenix, San Diego, Portland, and Seattle, see you guys this week! Fletch, Loki, Maisy, Libby, and assorted cats, see you guys on the news.

Happy Publication Day to Me!

I'm off to the airport shortly for Week One of the stammering, swearing, and sweating Chardonnay extravaganza otherwise known as book tour. Okay, technically I'm not usually drinking because I need the few wits I have about me. Except for last year when I accidentally got day-drunk in Houston. (That could have happened to anyone.) Anyway, couple of points of order while I'm thinking about them: I'll be sending out updates via my twitter account @altgeldshrugged. I don't anticipate any travel issues, but in the rare case of a delay that could impact my getting to an event, that's how I'll let you know. (That's also why I don't check bags.) If somehow you've missed the deep and vast ocean of shameless self promotion, the tour schedule is listed under the Appearances tab. (I'm sorry if I'm not coming to your town. Next year. Totally.) Oh, and since I surely forgot to mention it, the new book IS OUT TODAY at fine booksellers everywhere! I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. (That wasn't sarcasm - I actually had a blast! I'm so excited for you guys to meet the very familiar Mac and Mia and Tracey. Ooh, and the entirely new Babcia! And Vienna!) Thank you all so much for your support, and hope to see you soon!

In Case You Missed Them - Tour Dates! And a Bonus Excerpt!

I may have mentioned two or three (thousand) times that my first novel If You Were Here comes out next Tuesday. What's it about? It's about toilets raining from the ceiling. It's about a spite-fueled campaign to bring down a local gang member and Stephenie Meyer. It's about forty-five dollar light bulbs and turf wars over ornamental cabbages and why HGTV causes smart people to make terrible choices. It's about how one fictional teenager with a brush-cut and a birthday cake completely alters everyone's life and bank account. It's about vaguely homicidal and occasionally naked Polish grandmothers. And it neatly answers the question, "What if Paris Hilton were my landlord?" You can read an excerpt here. As for the tour, please check with the individual bookstore regarding their policies about signings as they will vary. Sometimes tickets are required, sometimes a purchase is required. Sometimes they'll only allow one older book to be signed from your collection. I'm extremely grateful these stores are taking the time, effort, and expense to host us. Please note any criterion the individual bookseller sets is meant to keep lines moving and accommodate as many readers as possible, so I ask you to please respect their rules. Here's where I'll be: TUESDAY, MAY 3 WASHINGTON, DC BARNES & NOBLE 555 12th St. NW 6:30 PM WEDNESDAY, MAY 4 RICHMOND, VA SAM MILLER'S RESTAURANT (The Boat Room) 1210 East Cary Street *Books sold by Fountain Bookstore. Please note this is a ticketed event. 6:30 PM THURSDAY,...

New TMS Humor Hotel Column - Any Coupons Today?

Anyone else completely enamored with the show Extreme Couponing? Not since Deadliest Catch's maiden voyage have I been this obsessed with a television program. Premiering around the time of my first book tour, I was so taken with All Things Crab that instead of discussing my work, I couldn't stop yapping about the unforgiving Bering Sea and Capt. Phil and how the Opies might be running. I'd be embarrassed about my fixation now, but 10 million people tuned in for the first episode of the seventh season, so I'm not alone. I suspect Extreme Couponing was originally supposed to be part of TLC's Evening of Squalor lineup since it followed Hoarding: Buried Alive. The first special featured folks who were so obsessed with clipping coupons that they did wacky stuff like take their toddler Dumpster diving at the recycling center. Seemed like a couple of those people were but a single petrified cat carcass away from appearing on the previous hour. To be fair, most started clipping coupons as a hedge against a questionable economy. Viewers must have connected with that aspect, and now the show's more heavily weighted towards the happy savings and less about the sad pathology of consumption. Don't get me wrong, I always root for the couponers and every time someone snags $1,000 worth of groceries for 14 cents, I cheer like I just hit the trifecta. Yet I'm left with niggling questions. For example, one couponer snagged 62 bottles of mustard for virtually nothing. This...

Mr. Fletcher's Bad, Bad Day

How to Make Fletch Apoplectic in a Few Easy Steps: 1. Discover eBay and spend two weeks spite-bidding on a bunch of random, delicate, heavily-packaged items. 2. Accidentally win every single auction, due to aforementioned spite bidding. 3. Attempt to open a box of one of the shipped items with a spoon. (Hey, it was the most handy pointy thing.) 4. Be so excited about all the random, delicate items deeply ensconced in packing peanuts that you simply abandon the empty husks of boxes all over the kitchen. 5. Completely forget about the packing peanuts while you arrange your snappy new vintage trophies and old timey football helmets and cleats. 6. Have Fletch fill one entire garbage can with all the packing peanuts. 7. Accidentally knock over said garbage can in your haste to get to Lowes to buy geraniums while it's sunny. 8. Return home to find packing peanuts spread over 1.2 acres, prompting you to ask, "Did it hail or something?" 9. Bray like a jackass upon discovering those thousands of little green and white blobs are free-range Styrofoam and then wish Fletch a Happy Earth Day. 10. KABOOM. Fortunately, Fletch managed to calm himself down yesterday by playing with his new pressure washer. While he attacked the stubborn spots on the patio, I was inside arranging Easter baskets. I heard a big crash coming from the vicinity of the laundry room, but I assumed it was cat-related since Libby was sitting nicely beside me. Twenty minutes later,...

Should Have Stuck to Bowling Trophies

Every year I seem to plant my garden earlier and earlier. Everyone, particularly my friend Angie, warns me what a terrible idea that is. Yet in the past four years, I haven't lost a single thing that I put in the ground due to cold. (Lost plenty to dog trampling and their cavalier attitude about what qualifies as a restroom, but not cold. Never cold.) This year, since it's the first time gardening in the new house, I went conservative. I finally heeded Angie's texts instructing me to "Step away from the potting soil, you annual assassin. Everything will die a frosty death." The Ides of March came and went without me taking one trip to Home Depot, even though I found myself driving by really slowly. I did not celebrate St. Paddys with the buying of the green, nor did I see in the first day of spring with a big bowl of pansies. In fact, all of March passed and more than half of April without my purchasing a single bulb, bud, or twig, despite having turned my whole yard into an explosion of color and flowers by the end of March last year. But this year? Careful, Cautious, and Patient were my middle names. Granted, I may have distracted myself with hunting down antique bowling trophies, but still, the resolve was real. I waited. And waited. And waited. So, finally, on yesterday, April 17th, I bought my first round of plants and spent a warm, albeit windy...

Distinguish Yourself? Right.

A timeline leading up to my Purdue University College of Liberal Arts Distinguished Alumna award. Five Months Ago - Me? They want to honor me? But they know I flunked out, right? No, really? Me? Huh. Cool. Guess I have to write a speech. Four Months Ago - I should get a head start on that speech. Three Months Ago -Maybe I should jot a few thoughts down before it's April and I'm slammed with pre-pub deadlines. Two Months Ago - Ooh, snow! I'm not going to write a speech. Instead, I'm going to watch SO MUCH TELEVISION! One Month Ago - I should think about that speech. One Week Ago - I should work on that speech, but my desk is so messy and I have all these dog pictures to post... 10:30 AM, Thursday, Day Before the Award Ceremony - Well, shit. Time to write this damn thing. Since I'm not the only one getting this award, I Google the other recipients in order to mention them, because the night is about US and not just me. So, there's me... there's a Sociology Professor/Department Chair who's devoted his life to the social justice surrounding capital punishment... there's an Ambassador... and there's the Pulitzer Prize winning Washington Bureau Chief for the New York Times. Hmm. I wonder if any of them read my most recent think-piece on Card Sharks. Panic ensues, but I get my speech done due to the burst of failure-based adrenaline. It's not bad. 2:00 PM...

The Sausage King of Chicago - UPDATED WITH #WINNING!

The contest is over, which means the winner by means of random number generation is... #1182, Tricia Mullen! Congrats, Tricia! An autographed book and DVD are coming your way soon! * * * * * * * * * * I have two very exciting things to share today: First up, the World Premiere of my new book video! Fine. Technically, this has been available on YouTube since last week. Also, I gave everyone on my Facebook fan page a sneak peek yesterday. Which you could have seen then had you "liked" my page. Feel free to "like" my page now, especially as I post bonus content and photos there. So maybe the photos are of Chinese lunchboxes and used shoes I bought on the internet, but still... Unique! Exclusive! LIKE! Ahem, anyway, calling this a World Premiere gives this silly business some gravitas, so let's go with it. Next up, you'll note that my deep and abiding love of John Hughes is referenced a number of times. What you might not know is we specifically bought our place in this town because Hughes was from here. Sounds like a dumb reason get a mortgage, but honestly, that's a direct result of the impact he had on my life. When my character Mia makes seriously questionable decisions based on her passion for Hughes movies, well... let's just say there's a thin line between fact and fiction. This whole book is a love letter to Hughes's work and I dedicated it...