Mr. Fletcher's Bad, Bad Day

How to Make Fletch Apoplectic in a Few Easy Steps: 1. Discover eBay and spend two weeks spite-bidding on a bunch of random, delicate, heavily-packaged items. 2. Accidentally win every single auction, due to aforementioned spite bidding. 3. Attempt to open a box of one of the shipped items with a spoon. (Hey, it was the most handy pointy thing.) 4. Be so excited about all the random, delicate items deeply ensconced in packing peanuts that you simply abandon the empty husks of boxes all over the kitchen. 5. Completely forget about the packing peanuts while you arrange your snappy new vintage trophies and old timey football helmets and cleats. 6. Have Fletch fill one entire garbage can with all the packing peanuts. 7. Accidentally knock over said garbage can in your haste to get to Lowes to buy geraniums while it's sunny. 8. Return home to find packing peanuts spread over 1.2 acres, prompting you to ask, "Did it hail or something?" 9. Bray like a jackass upon discovering those thousands of little green and white blobs are free-range Styrofoam and then wish Fletch a Happy Earth Day. 10. KABOOM. Fortunately, Fletch managed to calm himself down yesterday by playing with his new pressure washer. While he attacked the stubborn spots on the patio, I was inside arranging Easter baskets. I heard a big crash coming from the vicinity of the laundry room, but I assumed it was cat-related since Libby was sitting nicely beside me. Twenty minutes later,...