May's Humor Hotel Column - With the Extra Cranky, Strep Throat-Based Travel Edition Edit

Remember when air travel was glamorous? Once upon a time, men took trans-Atlantic flights clad in suits and fedoras and ladies didn't step onto the tarmac without seamed stockings and white gloves. And the stewardesses? No, not flight attendants, stewardesses -- were pretty much sex on a stick. Actually, those days existed long before I ever booked a ticket, however I'm a huge fan of "Mad Men" and have thus lived vicariously through the oh-so-civilized Don Draper. (EDIT - not the adultery or the chain smoking. Just the good grooming, sense of decorum, and day drinking.) If Don Draper were flying the Friendly Skies today, I wonder how he'd feel about the vagaries of modern travel, considering the elegance has gone the way of the smoking section. As I'm currently on a cross-country tour promoting my first novel, I'm well-versed in everything wrong with the state of aviation. My concerns don't center on the indignity of a TSA groping (without benefit of dinner), departure times best described as "guesstimates," or the constant nickel-and-diming on all things luggage-related. I view these aspects as cost of doing business in a post 9/11 world. Complaining isn't going to make a difference. (EDIT - I've revised my view on this after a thorough rogering by the Kansas City TSA due to trace elements of chemicals on my hands. Should you prefer to avoid the potential of having to bend and cough, please refrain from applying DHA-based spray tan twenty-four hours prior to boarding.) Rather,...