Talena Winters's Blog, page 10

Morning Lite

I’ve been changing up my morning routine the last few days from what I normally do—not least of which, I’ve been getting up an hour earlier. This is motivated by not wanting my son to be alone when he’s getting ready for school (and not wanting him to miss the bus, to be honest), but it has also opened up my day in small but unexpected ways.

For instance, as someone who works from home, I rarely put on makeup. I don’t go to work in sweatpants or anything (mostly because I hates them, precious), but my look is usually to throw my hair up in a clip or a ponytail and put on the same jewellery I wear every day and call it good. Even putting mascara on is a stretch for me.

But, not long ago, I told my husband that I missed the days when I felt like I had time to put on makeup every day. Not because I want to do it for other people, but I like playing with the artistry of it. (And I like how it makes me feel, to be honest again.) However, with every second of my day scheduled, none of it for playing with makeup, it rarely happened.

This morning, I put it on, just because I had time and I wanted to.

And I even used a curling iron and wore my “special” hoop earrings today! :-)

I’ve been “settling in” to this new work mindset, and loving it. I’m still figuring out my new systems so I can keep myself on track—both toward my goals and with using lower-stress methods to get there—but I definitely feel more relaxed than I did even a week ago, when I was on holidays but pondering going back to work and what that would look like.

Here’s what it looks like so far:

No More Time Blocking

I’ve been ignoring my daily time-block schedule completely. I haven’t erased the blocks, because I’m not sure that’s what I want to do, but, other than to check what scheduled commitments I have in a day (such as running kids to work or doing coaching calls), I haven’t even looked at my calendar.

Setting Intentions, Not Goals

I created a Kan-Ban style board in Asana called “Intention Planning”. (I thought I’d call it “goal planning”, but even that seemed too lofty and rigid and something in me rebelled.) The columns on the board are labelled with time frames, like This Week, This Month, This Quarter, This Season, This Year, Next Year, and Future.

My Intention Planning Board this morning.

I also have three extra columns on the far right for Book Ideas, Knitting Ideas, and Other Ideas. I wanted to keep these handy when looking at my planning board without having them right in my face. But that way, I can keep those great ideas I had in mind for when I’m ready to slot them in.

I used to track these intentions in a monthly BuJo page, and I still have that (for the moment), but the Asana board has a few advantages that my BuJo (Bullet Journal) doesn’t:

Since I already use Asana for my to-do list and business planning, it’s very easy to add tasks and projects I already have in here to my Intention Planning board with a general time frame of when I hope to get to them.

It’s also super easy to move things between columns as new opportunities arise, if something takes longer than I anticipate, or as the Spirit leads.

In my BuJo, it’s too easy to lose track of the million ideas I’ve had that I want to become priorities, because I’m not going to write them all down on my “future” category every month and I rarely remember to go look through my “ideas” pages. This way, they stay in an easy-to-access place on a page I intend to look at every day. With a simple scroll right, I can see what I hoped to pull onto the priority list and how soon I want it to be a priority without a bunch of time-consuming copying and pasting. And, if priorities change, reordering them is a simple drag-and-drop away.

Note: I set this up yesterday, so I expect it to fluctuate some as I dig into using it. It already has—I originally had a Today category, but found that got a bit too granular and required too much fussing around with re-ordering things. My normal My Tasks pane is suitable for tracking today’s list, and since the projects on the Intention Planning are easy to drag around, on my Intentions board, I simply drag something up the list if I want to tackle it today instead of later in the week, then change the due date.

Overall, this feels like a much more sane and intentional way of working for me right now. I’m enjoying work, I’m honouring my creativity, and I’m even taking walks sometimes. And when I’m doing things for my family (such as attending the auditions for the new kids’ musical last night for Jabin—more on that in another post), I don’t have a voice in the back of my mind saying, You should be working right now.

And that feels freakin’ amazing.

Morning sun on my office wall…

About a Girl…

For the last couple years, I’ve had a morning journaling routine. I haven’t exactly “switched” to a morning blogging routine, as I’m still making quick notes in my journal every day (not everything is meant for a public blog, after all), but I find I’m enjoying this return to posting my thoughts here. The writing here is slightly more structured and creative, and I also know it’s more likely I’ll come back and look at it again later.

So, for as long as I feel the urge, I may be blogging pretty regularly, at least on weekdays, but I won’t always be reposting them to social media. If you’re the kind of person who likes to see these types of posts and you want to keep tabs on my progress into Slow Productivity (and daily rambling thoughts), you can subscribe to this blog through the form in the sidebar so the posts will be emailed to you the day after they go up.

And please, when you read, leave a comment here. One of my favourite things about blogging is the conversations it sparks. Once Facebook came along, people stopped commenting on blogs as much, and, for the bloggers, this can be tough. Your comment on Facebook goes away, lost in an ever-moving tsunami of links and content. Your comment here remains, and when I look back at this post in years to come, I remember you and that you were part of my life at this point and the connection is strengthened all over again.

Just food for thought.

Happy Wednesday, friend. What’s your favourite part of your morning routine? If you don’t have a favourite part, or if you don’t have a morning routine, what would you like to start incorporating?

Last Firsts

Today is my baby’s last first day of school.

Jabin on the first day of kindergarten at age almost-five.

Jabin on the first day of Grade 12 at age almost-seventeen.

How did this happen? Where did all that time go?

My boys have all grown up, and soon, the little birds will be flying the nest.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot, actually. I feel pretty blessed to have this moment in time when all of my kids are home, because I know it will end very soon.

Since Jude got home from Bible college last fall, he’s been living at home, but he’s planning on entering the military soon.

Noah just got his first job, and he’s loving it. He’s a ways from flying the nest, but it will happen eventually.

Jabin is working hard to save up for Bible college next fall.

Everything is changing for them. For us. It’s exciting and nerve-wracking, and I couldn’t be more proud of them.

Because last firsts always mean the beginning of new firsts. And that’s life in a nutshell.

Happy Tuesday.

Slower

All three of my sons are learning to drive right now, all at various stages of experience. Driver training is being provided by us, the parents (so far). Mostly by Jason, thankfully, because I’m… well, I think I tend to over-teach. This can be confusing and overwhelming for the student, which, in a driving scenario, isn’t great.

Anyway, it’s interesting to see how each of their personalities plays out in this arena, and what tendencies they have. My oldest, Jude, drove the family to a wiener roast at my mom and step-dad’s the other night, and I (literally back-seat driving, since Jason was in the front) kept exclaiming about how driveways were not the Indy 500. Noah needs encouragement to go faster sooner. And Jabin needs encouragement to be aware of everything around him.

Free stock photo taken by Cory Bouthillette. Courtesy of Unsplash.

Jason and I spent the last two weeks on holidays. We did a stay-cation at home, and it was wonderful—exactly the break that I needed. Except, maybe not enough.

I mean, I was so close to total burnout again. Jason sees it, and he’s concerned. I’m also concerned, of course.

In fact, I was initially only going to take one week of holidays and ended up extending it to two. Even today, as I am supposedly jumping back into work, I’m doing so with fear and trembling (and kind of slowly, as evidenced by this blog post being my first priority). Because I know my natural tendency is to treat my career like the Indy 500—to lay on that gas pedal until all my fuel is gone before I’ve even reached my next pit stop.

And that needs to change.

The Productivity Trap

I’ve always been very driven, and that drive has led me to pursue ever-more-demanding ways of being as efficient and productive as possible. It’s so ironic that I spent the last six years since I decided I wanted to be a writer for a living learning how to be as productive as possible, becoming hyper-focused on my goals and productivity. Did it move the needle? Yes. But slowly, and at the expense of things I’m not sure were worth the cost, such as my health and precious memories I could have made with my kids if I hadn’t been working so much.

So now, I need to hyper-focus on doing the opposite. I need to learn to slow down.

For the sake of my mental health, I need to get excited about my other interests again. Last week, as a “for fun” personal project (that was a little bit worky, I admit), I updated my website template for the first time since moving to Squarespace in 2014. It was definitely due, but it's such a massive project that it’s not something I would normally prioritize. I like working on websites—I find it very creative, and solving the unique problems presented by the design and purpose of the website combined with the template restrictions is very satisfying.

Anyway, in the process, I tackled a project that’s also been hanging on since 2014—updating the outdated and broken category tags that Squarespace converted all the Blogger tags to on my imported blog posts. (Still not done, but I made progress.) And that means I was reading a lot of blog posts from 2006 to 2014, and reminding myself of what I used to do before I worked fifty to seventy hours a week.

I was in a different stage of my life then, when my career was something I had deliberately put aside for the sake of child-rearing, so I’m thinking back on those times with a grain of salt. I remember how frustrated I often was at my lack of progress on even my hobbies. Even if it wasn’t career-oriented, I always had a lot of projects going on, stuck in at the edges of my very full life. (These were the years I embraced the mantra “Slow progress is still progress”—which I’ve now put on my merch.)

But seeing all the things I was doing for hobbies—which I still love, but rarely make time for—rekindled the spark to do them again. Especially scrapbooking and sewing.

Over the past two weeks, as I started to unpack that feeling of retraction I had every time I thought about going back to work, I realized it wasn’t that I don’t want to do things. I always want to do things. (I haven’t logged the hours I spent on my website and blog project last week, but I bet it was at least 20 hours.) It’s that I didn’t want to have the pressure to output so much.

And most of that comes down to social media.

I’m always experimenting with marketing, and as an experiment while launching Every Star that Shines, I had the most dedicated and broad social media push that I’ve ever done. That included starting a TikTok account, posting on Instagram at least six days a week, and blogging once a week.

By far, the biggest time and energy suck was TikTok, because making videos and coming up with interesting content for the platform required me to develop whole new skillsets and exercise my creativity in completely new directions.

Even though I admit that I entered that arena begrudgingly, by the end, I was enjoying it more than not—though I was definitely not in love with it. I learned new skills, like video editing in Canva, and got way more comfortable in front of the camera. I definitely see the value of connecting with my audience through video in a way I never would have otherwise. But, looking back, I think it was TikTok that contributed to my burnout the most.

I’ve been on an almost-total social media fast for the last two weeks, and it’s been wonderful. I’ve broken the habit of checking social media first thing in the morning. And I don’t want to go back there.

The problem is, with my personality, I know that if I’m posting regularly, I’ll also be checking regularly. And I don’t think that added connection with my audience is worth sacrificing my mental health.

Speaking of slowing down, I got to enjoy this treat with my hubby on Saturday morning at our local coffee shop, Java Domain. It was amaze-balls. And I totally didn’t post it to social media. (Not yet, anyway, lol.)

Baby Steps

One of the first things I did on my holiday was to rethink my weekly schedule, the one that had been running me into the ground. I ran numbers and made projections and got comfortable with the idea of slow, steady growth for the next few years instead of the big jumps I’d previously been shooting for. It helped that my husband is on board with this plan. (I definitely wouldn’t be okay with doing this otherwise.)

But, as my holiday went on, I continued to rethink how I approach work. I’ve been the Productivity Queen for so long, with a super-time-blocked schedule and the knowledge of exactly how much I could accomplish in a day. And I’m just so tired of that pressure.

So, I’m going to try something different for a while. My plans will look more like choosing the top priorities for a week and working on them as my spirit moves. There will still be a loose plan of when each of those things will receive my attention, but I’m going to let my internal compass decide what needs to be done when.

I know me. I’m not going to slack off and do nothing. (I couldn’t even manage it for two weeks of holidays!) But I hope this will take the rigidity out of my schedule and allow me to make space for more time with my family and more time for myself.

And if that means my next book (a Christmas story) isn’t published until February?

Well, that’s the way it has to be.

Because, for the sake of my mental health, I need to take things slower for a while.

This is me remembering to take a moment to breathe and think.

Do you struggle with the pressure to perform? Or always feeling like you’re behind or missing out on what others are doing? How have you addressed that, or do you feel like you even need to?

Let me know in the comments below.

Happy Monday, friend!

P.S. While on holidays, I discovered the podcast Live Free Creative by Miranda Anderson through her episode about Slow Productivity. I’ve really been enjoying her other episodes too, and recommend you check it out.

The concept of Slow Productivity was previously discussed from the angle of ways to address burnout in this thought-provoking article in the New Yorker. Looks like I need to start thinking of my “Slow Progress is Still Progress” mantra from a different angle—instead of a boon for a workaholic frustrated by lack of progress, I need to see it as a life goal, a state of being to aspire to—to make progress slowly enough that I have room in my life to enjoy the life I’m living now.

One of my mugs in action for morning coffee while I was surveying my garden and yard recently.

What's weird about being a writer

When you’re a writer, there are so many things that are just plain weird. Writers often talk about the emotional rollercoaster of publishing a book.

It is no joke.

For instance, you write a book. By yourself. (Fun, agonizing, lonely, and grueling. If you don’t have at least one existential crisis, you’re probably not doing it right.)

Then you start showing it to people. (Terrifying.)

The people you show it to (editors and beta readers) help you make it better. (Satisfying.)

You send it to ARC readers. (Scary.)

They (hopefully) give you positive reviews. (Exciting and satisfying and validating. Or heart-wrenching and self-doubt-inducing and the cause of another existential crisis or three.)

Then you do a huge marketing push, in which you need to be SUPER EXCITED for however long you have until the launch. Also, you’re using a completely different skill set than actually writing. (Exciting and fun, but also draining and scary.)

And then, launch day comes. And people (especially new writers) think it’s going to be this big deal, but usually… it’s not.

It’s like this huge anticlimax at the end of all that build-up, because all you can do is wait and see if all that work that got you to that point is paying off. Did other people catch your vision? Are they as excited to read your book as you are for them to read it?

Sometimes, even often, people are, but when you’re a small-pond author like me, even those excited people aren’t necessarily going to rush out and buy the book on launch day. (But some do. And to those of you who have—thank you!! It means so much!)

Writers waiting for sales on book launch day.

So, in unrelated news, Every Star that Shines released on Wednesday… :-D

Every Star that Shines (Peace Country Romance Book 1) is all about big feels and second chances in a small northern Alberta town.

I’ve been recording myself doing some readings from my books on TikTok. Last Friday, I read the first page of Every Star that Shines, so I thought I’d share it here, too:

As a bonus, I did another scene today, one of my favourites:

“Why is he sending me heart-eye emojis?” - Reading from Every Star that Shines

And in other other news, I celebrated my birthday on Wednesday, too. My oldest son, Jude, made whitefish and homemade hashbrowns (fish and chips) and a dark chocolate cake to celebrate. I’m gonna miss that kid’s cooking skills when he heads off to the army. (Not him. Just his cooking. ;-D)

And I’m looking forward to taking all of next week off. Mostly off. I’m très behind on drafting my next book, because I have a really hard time focusing on marketing one book and writing another one. So I’ll be writing next week, but other than that, I won’t be at my desk.

And maybe I won’t even do that at my desk, who knows?

I’m looking forward to some time on my deck, and in the garden, and on my couch reading, and hanging out with my family.

But don’t let me being on stay-cation deter you from picking up your copy of Every Star that Shines. Or, you know, any of my other books.

Just saying. :-)

Happy Friday!

Don’t mind me…

Sugar, No Spice, and Everything Nice

This is supposed to be my Friday morning coffee chat, but honestly, I’m done coffee, my stomach is picketing for breakfast, and I might need to make it my Friday afternoon tea chat this week, lol.

It’s been a productive week around here, all things considered. “Things” being the short-lived heat wave Alberta had this week. Today is the first reasonable forecast we’ve had since Sunday, and I’m grateful to be back in the optimal operating temperature for my brain.

Because, you know, my brain is kind of important in my job, lol.

Let’s see how many times I can lol in this post, shall we? It’ll be like having an actual conversation with me, because boy, do I laugh a lot.

Anyway…

Hagrid hanging out with me and my tea while I work…

I’m happy to report that I finally made progress on my new book draft this week. Though plotting a Christmas novel in a heat wave was a bit interesting, I have to say.

The solution to my writer’s block from last week was partly a matter of remembering that in an enemies-to-lovers romance, they actually have to not get along for at least the first half of the book. (Like, duh, right? We writers are super-smart sometimes.)

The first act is really solid, and I’ve got some of the highlights for the rest of the book, I’m still just moving the pieces around and filling out the details there. But the first part is usually the most important for me. That, and knowing the Black Moment. Once I have that, it’s just a matter of noodling things around in my brain to make all the pieces fit and add colour and texture.

But, since I’m very behind on this, I’m going to be shooting to finish the first draft in only five weeks, starting next Tuesday. Since my first-draft goal is 60,000 words, that’s only 12,500 words per week, or 1,000 words per scheduled writing hour. This is very doable for me… assuming I actually have my butt in the chair for all those writing hours and don’t have to bump some, because life.

And assuming I don’t get stuck on anything. Arg.

Let’s hope I don’t get stuck.

After breakfast…

Alright, I couldn’t wait. I’m back after eating breakfast (I do intermittent fasting, so that was a little early for me) and I now have a tea on my desk. Last night’s supper of fruit smoothies was awesome for a heat wave, but didn’t stick to the ribs as long as normal.

So… we finished Stranger Things Season 4 last weekend, as planned. Loved it. The show keeps getting better. I’m a little in awe of some of the writing, and how they pulled everything off. Looking forward to Season 5 already.

And… we are now less than two weeks from the release of my first sweet, clean small town romance Every Star that Shines. WOOT!

This week, I hired my oldest son, Jude, to make some character art of the leading man. Here’s his version of Caleb:

Caleb from Every Star that Shines, drawn by Jude Winters.

I love it! One of my projects today is to turn this into swag for my readers, and I’m super excited.

Who wants a Caleb bookmark or signed book plate?

There’s always lots to do for a book launch, but since I’m launching a new series in a new genre for me, this one has felt extra intense. But it’s also been fun. I’ve been trying new things (TikTok), learning how to do some other things better, and getting to play with types of marketing that work well in romance but less well in fantasy.

And I’ve been learning a ton, which is always fun.

Anyway, I better get back to work. I’ve got to do writing and client editing and marketing, oh my!

Happy Friday, friend. How was your week?

(By the time I got to posting this, it was nearly supper. Jeepers. Better late than never? Have a great weekend!)

Happy Friday, friend!

P.S. While working on some promo stuff today, I found a great excerpt from Every Star that Shines that I want to share. Check it out:

“Look. First star of the night…”

Caleb pointed out the living room picture window and helped Delanie to her feet, pulling her to come stand next to him. “Make a wish.”

Delanie gave him a long, uncertain look, then glanced at the pinpoint of white light before closing her eyes for several long seconds. He stared at her, drinking in her presence, knowing she couldn’t feel uncomfortable about his gaze if she couldn’t see it.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she blushed. “Were you looking at me the whole time?”

His face warmed. “Maybe,” he mumbled.

“Didn’t you make a wish?”

He shook his head. “I don’t need to. My wish is standing right here.”

He pulled her into him and enveloped her in his arms. She stiffened, then relaxed and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning into his chest.

“I have a confession to make,” he said. “I never got over you. Not for a single second.”

After a pause, she said, “A wish isn’t enough to overcome all the obstacles between us.”

“No. But it’s enough to make me believe we could. This time, I have no intention of letting you go anywhere without me. Whatever happens, I want to give us a fair shot.”

If you haven’t already, please go check it out and pre-order. Thanks!

Searching for Rainbows

Welp, this week has been interesting, folks.

I finished the deadline-y projects for clients I needed to finish. Then my big project for the week was to outline my next book.

Except, that’s not what happened.

Coffee… mmmm.

I’m stuck. Ish. I haven’t found the thing about this book that makes me super excited to write it yet, and I think that’s because the original premise I had wasn’t fleshed out enough. There’s something that’s not lining up between the problem and resolution, but every time I think of a “fix,” it starts taking the plot into a direction I don’t want to go, or into a totally different genre. (Yikes.)

So… I’m trying to give myself grace and the time to percolate, but that’s hard for my task-oriented brain to do.

In addition, I’m starting to feel a bit burnt out, so some of this is just plain old resistance. Not Resistance-with-a-capital-R as in I don’t want to write. But just normal resistance of I really need a break because I’m worn out.

So I did take it easer this week, which has helped. A whole weekend off will really help.

Adventures on TikTok

Did I mention that I signed up for TikTok two weeks ago as an experiment?

I’m starting to get the hang of the TikTok thing, but it’s taking a lot more time out of my schedule than I want it to. However, I’m making some great connections in the reader and author community there, so that part is fun. If you’re on TikTok for the bookish community or don’t mind hearing me talk about books non-stop, please come find me.

One benefit of TikTok I’ve noticed is how I’ve started thinking about new ways to talk about my books in a video medium, and how much more comfortable I’m getting in front of the camera.

I’ve done some fun stuff the last couple of weeks while I’ve experimented and learned some new skills, such as how to use Canva’s video editor. (It’s a little faster for simple videos like TikTok videos than using Adobe Premiere.)

Figuring out how to repurpose that content has been a bit more challenging. I mean, if I’m spending all this time on social media, I want to make the most of it that I possibly can.

I just uploaded my first YouTube short today, which you can see here. It’s a clip from a TikTok video I made this morning of me reading the first page of The Undine’s Tear.

More rain lately means more rainbows. :-)

Honestly, there hasn’t been a lot more to my week. I mean, trying to avoid that feeling of being a failure I get when I’m stressed out and burned out (the perpetual driver of Enneagram Threes) takes a lot of time. ;-)

I’m managing this week by taking a little more rest than usual (but not too much, or it backfires on the mental health thing. Seriously, it’s exhausting being me). I hope that doesn’t translate to more stress and burnout later when I’m having to type like a madwoman to meet my deadline for my manuscript.

Author Interview to Check Out

I’d like to make note of this awesome interview between author and editor Jennifer Lindsay, who helped me develop Every Star that Shines, and Brenna Bailey-Davies, another talented editor and writer (both of whom are in my mastermind group and are friends of mine).

Brenna posted the interview with Jennifer on her blog today. Jen is the author of a fantastic book for authors called The Writer as the Protagonist, which helps you develop your writing career with you as the hero of your own story. I highly recommend it!

See the Interview

That’s it. That’s the update. Wish it was more exciting.

Looking forward to finishing Stranger Things Season 4 this weekend, and a book or two besides. And maybe getting some gardening done.

Which reminds me—every fertile ground needs rain to be refreshed. Maybe that’s all this week is. Just a time of refreshing. That means a rainbow must be just around the corner.

How was your week?

Making the most of my time… I hope.

Give me reassurance, not reality...

I thought about calling this “Friday Morning Coffee Chat” again, but something in me rebelled at naming this the exact same thing as last week. Maybe I’ll just make it a category. Because I kind of like doing these “week in review” posts. I’m going to see if I can keep it up.

The most exciting thing that happened in my week was that my hardcovers for Every Star that Shines came yesterday. And they are gorgeous!

There’s something so special about holding your new book for the first time.

Happy, proud girl. I even designed the cover myself.

Other than that, my week has been pretty full with a big writing assignment that’s due today. Thanks to COVID and the craziness of the last month, it all got kind of squished to the end of when I had to work on it, which isn’t my preference.

BUT!

After this, I’ll be caught up again!

And man, do I need a break. I’m thinking I’ll take a few days off next week. It’s not quite the “week off” I had planned for earlier this month, but it’s better than nothing.

However, now my publication schedule for Book 2 of the Peace Country Romances is seriously crunched, because I haven’t had time to work on it at all. (Except thinking and thinking. So much thinking.) So this isn’t the end of long days, I just need a break before I jump into the next batch.

I mean, it should be technically possible to outline and write and revise the first draft in nine weeks. Theoretically. I’ve never done something like that, but it’s possible, right?

(Just nod and smile. I need reassurance, not reality right now.)

One of the struggles I have in my author career is staying focused on multiple things at once. I’m currently in marketing mode, so I’m doing things like posting to Instagram regularly and blogging (two weeks in a row! Woot!). I even joined TikTok and started making and posting videos there about a week ago. I’m still getting my groove on, but it’s been stretching me in a new direction creatively, so that’s fun. I even learned how to use Canva’s video editor.

(That’s probably why I haven’t been pulling my hair out about not working on my book yet. I’m getting anxious about not writing fiction, but it’s not as bad as it could be.)

But once I hit drafting mode, will I be able to keep up all the posting? I don’t know. It will be tough. My brain can only put out so much content in a single day. I’ll have to look at more scheduled posts and create some in batches maybe.

There are always so many things to do. Always.

What I’m Watching and Reading

In other news, last weekend, Jason, Jabin and I started watching Season Four of Stranger Things. I don’t normally care for shows with that much horror in them, but there are so many things about this show I love, I can deal with the gross stuff.

We got through a little over half the season last weekend, and I’ve been thinking about it all week. Looking forward to wrapping that up this weekend. (See? I do take some down time, even in the midst of all the craziness.)

I’ve also been listening to the audiobook of Fable by Adrienne Young, which I’ve had in my Chirp app for quite some time. I’m really enjoying it. Do recommend.

Okee-dokee, I better get to work.

Happy Friday! What’s happened in your week that’s worth celebrating? Leave me a comment. I’d love to celebrate with you!

See how pretty my book spines all look together?

Friday Morning Coffee Chat

Happy Friday morning, have a cuppa…

Happy Fri-yay! We made it!

I’m happy to report that my dad came home from the hospital about a month ago. Overall, he’s doing very well. A week later, I came home. And the day I left Dad’s, my husband texted that my third son had tested positive for COVID that morning.

Ugh. But there was no way I wasn’t coming home.

First, Jabin got it. Then my husband, Jason. Then the rest of us got it about a week after I got home.

I finally tested negative this past Monday morning.

It could have been a lot worse. We all had the “very bad cold” version, so it could have been much worse. But it’s definitely affected my energy levels and productivity.

Speaking of, I've been working hard to catch up on the cumulative effects of two months away, then two weeks-plus of COVID. I'm not all the way there, but I made progress this week.

First of all, Every Star that Shines is now slated for release on my birthday, August 10. And it’s already available for pre-order in eBook and print.

I’m so excited for this book to release! I’ve already had some pre-orders come in, which is awesome. I’d love to have to order another batch of books, so keep the pre-orders coming!

I spent some time this week looking at my print book prices. Prices for everything have gone up, and that means my prices had to, too. Unfortunately. However, the good news is that I’m not paying for people to buy my books anymore, so there’s that…

While I was at it, I caught up on my accounting. This is definitely one of my least favourite parts of being in business, but I love having all the numbers marching in neat little rows so I can see what’s happening with it once I am caught up. Now that that’s done, I feel more balanced and less overwhelmed.

I’ve also been doing some client work on a couple of freelance projects. These are what I’m still the most behind on, unfortunately, but not really. I’ll still hit my deadlines. It’s just making for some long days to do that.

I’ve started plotting my next book in the Peace Country Romance series, but, thanks to all that other stuff I just mentioned, that’s mostly been happening in my head so far. I’m looking forward to being caught up on other stuff so I can start writing again. My creative brain is getting itchy.

I almost forgot to mention this cool thing I did last week: I made Content Level cards for each of my books so people will know what kinds of content to expect in them. This is especially meant to help parents wondering if my Grigori books would be appropriate for their kids, but since I write such a variety of genres, it’s to help other people get what they want, too. Here’s the card for Every Star that Shines:

Content Levels in Every Star that Shines (Peace Country Romance book 1) by Talena Winters: Sensuality: 1/5 (non-graphic kissing); Violence: 0/5; Language: 0/5; Intense themes: 1/5 (divorce, mentions domestic violence). Equivalent movie rating: PG.

You can check out my other book pages to see how they are rated.

We've had thundershowers and heavy rain here all week, which is unusual for this area. It's been awesome to see the lightning... though there were a couple yesterday that startled the pants off me. And knocked out our power for a few hours, so our family went out for supper.

And can I say, ouch? I'm not a futurist, but I wish I could see what the future holds as far as the economics of our country, because the present looks a little dire.

I swear I was only in the post office for ten minutes the other day, and when I came out, there was a river under my car…

Anyway, I'll be playing more catch-up this weekend, but I'm looking forward to a little time off, too. On my deck. In the sunshine. Enjoying my puppies and my plants and my knitting and a book. And not going places that will use gas. :-)

What are your weekend plans?

Growing in the Grey

There are situations in my life that I have processed very publicly, such as the death of Levi in 2015. But there have been far more situations that I have had to process privately, mostly because of the nature of the event. When public processing would adversely affect the others involved, one must be circumspect.

But I’m still an external processor. I’m so very grateful for the trusted friends and family members (especially my spouse) who have allowed me to use them as my sounding boards over the years, even when they may have been walking their own road through grief alongside me.

This situation with my dad is one of the latter. However, I think my own personal record here deserves to be marked with some of my thoughts and feelings at this stage of the journey, even if I must remain evasive about what brought me here.

I’ve been doing a little decorating at Dad’s place.

And, once in a blue moon, I even make myself presentable.

Today marks thirty-one days since Dad went into the hospital, and thirty since I drove away from my familiar and comfortable life to start this new chapter so I could help him. I would never have made it this far if it weren’t for my amazing husband, who whole-heartedly supports the work I’m doing here; my kids, who are all basically adults and are missing me far less than I’m missing them, I’m sure; and the extended family network here in Red Deer area who are helping with Dad’s care and who are also supporting me however they can.

Even still, it’s been hard. I’ve been dealing with symptoms of perimenopause for the last two years that have been greatly exaggerated for my age due to stress and burnout. While I’ve been on the road to recovery and have been managing better for the last six months or so, this past month and its stress created a perfect storm for a regression.

This stage of a woman’s life is not talked about nearly enough, in my opinion. Trying to deal with this situation while also being mired in brain fog, volatile emotions, and extreme pain for a week and half, and feeling like I couldn’t be clear about it with the male relatives who are my support team here because it would make them uncomfortable, only added to the stress that was also what precipitated the extra little “blessing” in my month.

(Men, I love you. But more of you need to become un-squeamish about women’s life cycles and step in when they show they could use the extra support. After all, how many man-colds have they nursed you through?)

However, in the last several days, we’ve seen hope for Dad’s recovery. I am once again (meaning, we’ve been at this point before) cautiously optimistic that he will recover enough to leave the hospital on his own two feet, it’s now only a matter of “when”, not “if”.

No matter which way this ends up, though, I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that my life as I knew it until recently is over. Of course, we can’t see the future. But it seems likely that even a “full” recovery for Dad means he will continue to require regular assistance from here on out. What that assistance looks like is vague and formless at the moment. We won’t know until we know more.

Now that Dad’s life seems to out of jeopardy, the most difficult part about all this for me is that I don’t know what the end date is. When will I get to go home to stay? I didn’t get married so I could live apart from my husband. We’ve done it for several months at a time in the past, but there was always an end date I could look forward to. This? This formless future is one of the hardest parts.

Remember the early pandemic when no one knew what was going on and everyone felt adrift, so they just washed their hands a million times a day and learned to make sourdough bread from scratch? Yeah. It’s like that.

However, I’ve also seen God’s hand in this from the very beginning. Not that he caused this to happen, but he’s showed his loving care in guiding events.

God is the god of second chances. And third, and fourth, and fifth. And, as I have learned through the many things that have come my way in the past, grief is his greatest tool for affecting change in our lives. His entire mission is to bring us closer to him, and he won’t waste a single thing that happens to us.

“His entire mission is to bring us closer to him, and he won’t waste a single thing that happens to us.”

I know he’s got lessons for me in this valley, and I’m actively seeking them. But I’m also not so sure this valley is entirely meant for me. I think, in a strange way, he’s been training me for this so I can help the others who are in here with me.

I don’t mean that to sound pretentious. I’m no saviour. But I’ve learned a few things about hard stuff. Things that have trained me to see multiple sides of issues and recognize the beauty in all people… and to help others without that gift of perspective to do the same.

I’m not sure if that gift will be useful as we move forward into the foggy future or not. (It can be tough to find perspective in a cloud bank.) But God gave it to me to use, and I intend to use it, even if the fruit isn’t immediately obvious.

It’s not my job to grow fruit. It’s only my job to plant seeds.

Because even in fog, seeds still grow.

Ten Reasons My Life is Great Anyway

My view as I write this.

There are two girls sitting near the window across the coffee shop from me having the most adorable conversation. So far, I’ve gleaned that at least one of them is probably a music student, and most likely at the same college I went to when I took music. If that weren’t enough to make me like them, the music student just said, “I made a list of why my life is great. It makes me so happy.” Then she went ahead and read the list, and I can’t help it if I overheard such wonderful things as friends, books, Taylor Swift, rock concerts, and long-distance phone calls.

I feel like I need to make a list like that right now. Because last Wednesday night, my dad went into the hospital with a severe condition that will not be resolved quickly even after the hospital stage is past. (And it looks likely we’ll get past the hospital stage, but a regression today has me pretty disheartened.)

After a flurry of activity on Thursday morning to make sure I had what I needed to take with me and that my family would function well in my absence, I drove the six and a half hours to the Red Deer Hospital. I got in at eleven p.m. and met my uncle there. They were just transferring Dad from Emergency to ICU. I didn’t get to see him until one a.m., but he was heavily sedated by then. By the time I got out to his place (he lives out of town) and got to sleep, it was four a.m.

That was the beginning of what has been a very long five days and counting.

In general, he’s been getting better each day. Then, today, he was worse again. And I think all the stress and adrenaline is finally catching up to me, because it hit me pretty hard.

Everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself, too, so today I decided it was primetime to take that advice. Instead of watching my dad in his fitful sleep and trying to hold back tears, I left the hospital. After a good cry, I made my way to the local Chapters store, wandered around and looked at beautiful books, and finally bought a cookbook for men who have no idea how to cook. (I mean, not that I think Dad wants to learn, but if he has a book to teach him how, he might try, right? I can dream.) Then I bought myself a café mocha and a snack and decided it was time to write.

Writing is, and always has been, one of my best forms of self-care.

So, after all that, here’s my list of why my life is (still) great:

A flexible job that allows me to be here for my dad during his time of need.

A super-capable husband and awesome kids whom I don’t have to worry about while I’m gone. (I mean, I still will, it’s just optional. They’ll be fine without me.)

A huge extended family who have all been amazingly supportive and helpful during this time. People have sent encouraging texts, offered places to stay, food, and let’s not forget the uncle who made sure my dad got to the hospital in the first place. I mean, I could be writing a very different post right now, so I’m thankful it’s this instead of that.

Friends who have also been supporting me through encouraging texts when I need them.

A visit from my honey for a day on the weekend, and the help he gave during that time.

Two sweet, optimistic girls sitting at the exact table I used to sit at with my own college girlfriends on occasion, chattering about school and friends and things that make their life great and reminding me that no matter how stressful things get, life goes on.

A spring snowstorm that’s covering up the dull brown of early spring, just temporarily, with a layer of sticky white. It’s making driving difficult, but there is still beauty in difficult things. Because there is beauty everywhere.

The chance to connect to Wi-Fi for the first time in five days. :-)

Knowing I am not alone. Not only am I surrounded by the love of family and friends, but God has shown his hand in this several times, right when I needed it.

And books and coffee and Taylor Swift. Seems like my unaware muse and I have more than the music program in common. :-)

When my life is difficult and uncertain, my blog always tends to get more of a workout, so I expect this won’t be my last post about this. Especially since I have a lot of alone time on my hands right now.

But not much Wi-Fi, so this could go either way. :-)

However, even without Wi-Fi, my life is still pretty great anyway.

Okay, here’s hoping he’s doing better when I get back. And I send this wish to you: whatever situation you find yourself in today, friend, may you find grace in unexpected places and beauty in broken things.

All my love.

A tired but refreshed me right now.