Kim Congram's Blog, page 8

The Bachelor – Episode Six

Ok – we take up where last night left off – at the rose ceremony.

Rose Ceremony
Recap: Sian had a freakout, Matty convinced her to stay, four roses were given out before he stopped mid-breakup.

He asks Sian to go outside for a “moment.”

“I guess the conversation we had has made me think really long and hard about where we really are at. If I’m honest, I can’t see us together.”
“Yep. It’s not our destiny to be together. I’m sad to say goodbye.”

I’m sad she didn’t walk out.

Osher enters the c...

The Bachelor – Episode Five

Here we go! We’re up to episode five and it’s traditionally when people start drawing ahead in the race. Let’s do this.

Single Date Card
Osher enters girl HQ with a date card and a bottle of Johnny Walker. Because you need liquor to survive a date with Matty?

Flo wins the single date and they’re off to jump off a building. FYI she is not dressed FOR THIS DATE! She’s in knee-high-heeled-boots.

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Flo is questioning if Matty is worth jumping off a building. Just quietly, why would you? Why would...

Online Serial – Part Four

Part Four
Ice

I watched as Aggie wandered through my house. Earlier, her mood had been light, playful. Watching her eat breakfast and joke had made me burn. I’d wanted her in my bed, between my legs, watching her take my cock. I’d been feeling a heavy pull as it begged to be in her wet cunt. As much as it had killed me, I’d let her get dressed and had loaded her up to take her home.

The club came first.

Last night had been an anomaly. Aggie didn’t do drunk. She did tipsy, she did playful, s...

Serial – Part Four

Part Four
Ice

I watched as Aggie wandered through my house. Earlier, her mood had been light, playful. Watching her eat breakfast and joke had made me burn. I’d wanted her in my bed, between my legs, watching her take my cock. I’d been feeling a heavy pull as it begged to be in her wet cunt. As much as it had killed me, I’d let her get dressed and had loaded her up to take her home.

The club came first.

Last night had been an anomaly. Aggie didn’t do drunk. She did tipsy, she did playful, s...

The Bachelor – Episode Four

Well Bachie watcher’s let’s jump right in shall we?

Single Date
Cobie scores a single date and it’s really a surprise for everyone. I love it. She’s adorable and I love her. Let’s get a fan club going! She’s not going to win, but I want her to, so bad!

Matty takes her off in the rain for a horse riding lesson. The horse spends the first five minutes of the date peeing.

Once Sir Pee-A-Lot is done, they head off on what is a lovely trail ride. It’s Cobie’s first trail ride, and they’re lovely...

The Bachelor – Episode Three

We’re up to episode three of what is shaping up to be very competitive Bachie season.

Single Date Card

Osher enters the mansion and hands over a single date card.

All the girls want it but Laura Of The Rings wins, shuffling off to get ready.

Surprise – it’s more boating! They chat for a while then go to land, and then decided to draw each other which is how we ended up with this monstrosity.
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Source: Channel Ten 

Wow. Just… wow. I’d say he’s really nailed his flirting technique.

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They retrea...

Serial – Part Three

Part Three

Agnes

“It’s a garage sale, sister.” My brother’s lazy drawl came from the porch. I swung, seeing him lounging on a chair with a beer and bunch of his friends. Guys from school. Guys who had no business being in my house.

“Xavier?” I stepped closer. “What are you doing?”

“It’s my house sis. Has been for the last 12 months. Means you’ve been squatting illegally. I’m recouping the money you owe me.”

My heart stuttered to a stop. “What?”

He held up the letter, the same fucking letter I’d received yesterday, and waved it at me. “Don’t you remember? The judge wrote it down for us. It’s all mine. The house, the garage, the cars, the bikes, the money. All mine.”

Helpless rage simmered in my belly. “You can’t do this.”

He lifted his bottle and pointed it at one of his friends. “Remember Tim? Tim’s a cop now. And he says this is all legal-like. Doncha Tim?”

Tim nodded, lifting his own bottle. “Yep. Squatting is illegal in this county. Could end up real bad for you.”

I clenched my fists. “I’ll pay you-“

“No.” Xavier dropped his feet from the fence and leaned forward, arms going to his knees. “Get off my property.”

“But Xavier-“

“First warning. Second and I call the cops. And fancy that, they’re already here.” They all started laughing.

I felt a strong presence behind me. Ice. His hand settled on my shoulder.

“Xavier.”

“Ice.” The men on the porch were silent now, their eyes watchful. “Got nothing to do with you, man.”

Ice moved to block me with his body. “Way I see it, it does.”

They all got tight. I glanced around, the people who’d come to pick over my things were making themselves scarce. I’d say it was Ice’s Cut rather than the scene with my brother. People around here got mighty antsy seeing a biker.

“We got no issue with you or the club.”

Ice rubbed his chin. “Well see, here’s the thing. Your sister is part of the club. Issue with her, issue with me, issue with us.”

Xavier’s face went red, mottling with rage. I recognized that look, it’s the same one he gave me when Dad had told him to get out.

“She fucking you?”

“Yep. Old Lady.” Ice returned. He glanced over. “Call the Prez. Tell him we need a truck and some guys.”

I nodded, already reaching for my phone.

The voices behind me rose, yelling. I left that for Ice to handle. Instead I called, the Prez – Flo’s husband Lincoln – listened as I filled him in.

“Fucker. Your Dad’s Cut still there?”

“Don’t know. Hope so.”

“Be there 20. Hold tight Aggie.” I clicked off, tucking the phone back in my pocket.

Tim was standing before Ice, his badge on display. They were talking in hushed tones, Tim looking pissed off.

Xavier’s eyes were on me. I glanced at my brother and then looked away. Dad’s Will had been the same as his father and his father’s father. All goes to the boy child, who is expected to look after everyone else.

Only my brother was the type who never looked out for anyone but himself. We were twins, but we’d never been blood.

Twenty minutes later a pissed off Lincoln rolled up to the curb in a truck he’d obviously borrow from the depot. A rumble of bikes in the distance let me know that he’d called in the cavalry. He kicked the door open, swinging out. He twisted, pulled his Cut from inside, and shrugged it on. No man worth his weight would be caught dead wearing colours while driving a cage.

Settled, he stalked over to us, eyes going to me. “You good?”

I nodded. His eyes flicked to Ice then over to Xavier. “We got a problem?”

Tim stepped forward. “As Ice has kindly reminded me, rules in this county state that squatters have one hour to remove their things.” I could see the frustration on his face. “Time starts now, Agnes.”

I headed straight for my Dad’s room. Located at the back of the house, it was a den-come-study. Above his desk, nestled in its frame sat his Cut. I pulled it down, handing it over to Lincoln.

“This belongs on the wall in the club house.” He nodded, pivoting on his heel and leaving the room. He’d get it out past Xavier. It was the clubs, not for me or my brothers.

The Prospects had all arrived and were wandering around the house, shoving items into boxes and generally attempting to move things. More and more people arrived- all of them trying to get what I needed, what was mine, out of the house before the hour was up. Most of my stuff sat on the lawn, but the photos and memorabilia my parents had collected over a lifetime was personal.

I headed up the stairs to my room, Ice hot on my heels. It had been trashed. Clothes were slashed to pieces, draws pulled out, bedding destroyed. I paused for a moment looking at the carnage of hate.

“Aggie?” I shook my head.

“I’m good. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty. It’s all good.” I turned to the dressed and started to shuffle it away from the wall. Ice gently moved me out of the way, before heaving it forward in two quick movements. Seated into the plaster was my wall safe. Dad had installed it when I was in my mid-teens. Xavier had been stealing from me and, despite all efforts, Dad had felt this was the best option at the time.

Nothing had really changed since then, all my valuables, paperwork and important items were kept in there. I entered the code, spinning the dial this way and that before it sprang open. Money, jewelry my mum had left me, paperwork, birth certificates and what-not, and two guns. I didn’t openly carry, but I knew how to use a gun – dad had made sure of that.

I handed the guns over to Ice who tucked them into his waist band. A small backpack was slouched against the wall – its contents strewn about the room. I pulled it over and started loading up my items. This was the important stuff. Photos on USB sticks, insurance and cash. I was about to start my life over and this was what I would need to do it.

The rest of the hour went quickly, guys were pulling anything they could into the van. Tools from the garage, Mum’s clothes, pictures and photoframes, couches. The big screen TV and projector. Xavier didn’t say a word as the club lugged items to the truck. I saw his eyes, he was angry. The only thing preventing him from hitting me was Ice’s claim that I was club property.

I knew what that meant. It meant I’d now have to become that. A worry for tomorrow.

The car had been in Dad’s name, so I left it. As much as I wanted to take her, I knew Xavier would try something. Cherry Red, the Convertible had been a labour of love between Dad and I. I took a few minutes to say goodbye.

“Times up.”

The voice came from outside. I pressed a hand to her bonnet and followed Ice as he led me out. The Prospects were closing the doors to the truck.

“Let’s roll.” This came from Lincoln, who was standing at the curb. Ice looked back at the house then shook his head. “Wait.”

He jogged back to my front porch and moved to the windowbox I’d just planted. It took him two heaves before it ripped loose of the railing. He strode back to the truck, handing it to a laughing Lincoln.

“Now we’re good.” I nodded but paused. Turning to Tim and held out a hand.

“Thank you Officer, for your assistance.” He hesitated then shook it once before turning away. My eyes landed on Xavier and his band of merry-men. “Gentleman.” I nodded at them before looking directly at my brother.

“Have a nice life, Xavier. I hope you find the happiness you’re looking for.”

Ignoring his muttered cursing, I turned and followed Ice to his bike. Swinging on, I strapped the helmet down as I looked back at my childhood home. Ice’s hand came to my leg.

“We good?”

I breathed deeply then nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”

What I’m working on 29 July 17

What I’m working on this week – 29 July 2017

It’s been a week of medical tests and rushing around at work – so pretty hectic at Kim HQ, but I’ve managed to get in some blogging about The Bachelor (more on that shortly) and some fast words for the two works in progress I’ve got going on.

Rough Edges Book Two 

First book I’m slowly editing my way through is Evie and Luc’s book. It’s been a long rough ride to get them to their happily ever after. Nothing has felt quite right with these two, but I think I’ve finally found the right story for them so that’s about to get itself out the door and off to the editors. Let’s hope for an October publication!

Super Secret Not So Secret Project

So this one is the #QueenProject. It’s a book that plonked itself in my brain and said, “Yo Bitch, write me.” And I have. I don’t know where the words or story or what has come from but it’s there and I’ve written it and it’s beautiful and powerful and I am loving it. It is so different from anything I thought I would write that I can’t not write it. I’m looking forward to sharing this one when I work out exactly what it is…

Online Serial

I’ve got another chapter of the online serial to post up this week as well. The online is completely unedited and uncensored so take it as it comes. Once it’s done I’ll take it down, polish it up and then post it back up as something a little less rough.

The Bachie Recaps

I have a book in my head that I want to write that is about a girl going on a reality TV show to find love. I’m currently blogging The Bachie as research so I can refer back to it once I’m ready to write that. I see it as a Rom-Com. Other books first, but I’m having fun blogging in the meantime!

And that’s what I’ve been writing this week!

The Bachelor Episode 2 – Date Night

We open tonight’s episode in the Mansion all casually lazing about having breakfast looking perfectly put together. It’s too early for this – they’ve clearly been in make-up since 5am. No one looks that good without a team of specialists.

Osher arrives looking like a squirrel has curled up and found a home on his head. He hands over a date card and Tara – this season’s commentator- reads it out. Single date goes to Elora the fire dancer.

The other girls are all…

Single Date

Elora strolls down a beach and meets Matty by a boat. They take off, cruising the seven seas, sipping OJ and discussing her fire twirling seduction dance. Matty admits that it worked.

They have sparks, I tell you, sparks!

Dolphins arrive to dance about the boat, they go for a swim, have a little snuggle, make some awkward jokes, do some product placement for polaroid cameras. It’s adorbs. ADORBS! I’m calling it. Elora – Top Five.

They leave the boat and head to a cuddle couch, where they have some witty banter. “What are you thinking?”

“No tell me what you’re thinking?”

“Tell me what you’re thinking?”

“I think what you’re thinking.”

Elora breaks the cycle with a hard hitter – “Is the bachelorette still in the season?”

Matty is gracious and says no. He wants only the best for her, but that he need to look forward to love, not back.

Elora says all the right things and wins herself an early rose!

Group Date

Meanwhile back at Girl HQ – the sister wives are feeling no love for Elora. They know she’s a contender.

A date card has arrived and the girls are frothing for it. Clue is “do you remember the first time you fell in love?”

Cobie, Liz (Putrid Dress comment), Cian, Laura Of The Rings, Flo, Tara, Simone, Miss Moist (Nat), Leah and Miss I-Don’t-Do-Drama-Jennifer all get to go on the group date. They are all SUPER HAPPY FOR EACH OTHER.

^Like just soooo totally happy for you!

Elora gets back to the house and decides not to share the intimate details of the date with the girls. I-Don’t-Do-Drama-Jennifer then starts causing drama by essentially bullying Elora into revealing things.

Seriously. Can’t we build each other up? Say no to mean girls!

We cut to the date and it’s suitably awkward as women get squeezed into tacky costumes and made to awkwardly pose for a photoshoot.

Anyways I-Don’t-Do-Drama-Jennifer decides to cause drama.

Matty’s all…

The producers will make her stick around for a few more episodes…

There’s more photoshoots and everyone plays nice up until the final one where Leah attempts to mack-on with Matty who pulls back and says, “Sorry, I just think it would be rude in front of the other girls.”

Seriously.  He handled it like a sir. I mean… excluding the fact he’s dating 20 women… but still…

Single Date

Matty rocks up to the starving house with a basket of muffins – the women keep talking about the muffins instead of the Stud Muffin. I assume they are really are starving them.

The Muffin Man asks Lisa on a date – her teeth are distractingly white – but they go out in a classic car to a tennis club. They play a few rounds, flirt a little and she seals his fate with, “Matty is growing on me.”

^Which means Matty is on his way to the friends zone!

They somehow end up in a pool and joking about- again. Both of them look like they’re freezing, but she wins a rose.

Cocktail Party

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses

You been out wearing glittery dresses for so long now…

The claws are out and women are throwing themselves about the room at him. Elora is struggling to deal with the idea that he’s dating other women. Leah and Jennifer begin to circle.

Elora nopes out, grabs Matty and they go for a lovely chat. On return the Mean girls, Leah and Drama-Jen pounce on Elora and Simone it turns seriously nasty. Like I-don’t-watch-this-show-for-this nasty.

Drama-Jen “I’m going to get rid of those two.”

Ummm… actually not your choice. Actually Matty’s. That’s how this whole thing works.

Have you even watched the Bachelor? It’s like these people aren’t even trying.

Rose Ceremony

We’re at the altar of too much wine and really, do we even care right now? We know the producers will keep Leah and Drama-Jen around for the lols, despite what I wish.

^I’m feeling cynical right now. I need some more Michelle the police officer and some wholesome love scenes. I NEED TO BELIEVE IN THE LOVE AGAIN!!!

Osher reminds us that Elora and Lisa are safe. Tonight 17 roses are on offer, one will be going home.

Cobie is safe, oh top pick again. Dark horse?

Alix is safe.

Simone is good

Laura is safe.

Akoulina, Elise, Michelle, Cian, Elizabeth and Flo are all safe.

Steph is safe.

Tara is safe.

Jennifer is safe – REALLY MATT, REALLY PRODUCERS?? What kind of message are we sending to the women of Australia?!

Sharlene is safe

Belinda is safe

Natalie is safe

We’re down to the final two, it’s Leah the Mean girl and Laura-Ann. Surely it’s got to be Mean girl Leah going hom-

HE PICKS LEAH. HE CHOOSES LEAH OVER LAURA-ANN WHO HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!

Until next week. Ugh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bachelor Australia Episode 1 – Return of the Meme

Well Die Hard Bachelor-watchers we’re back. Year Two.

The Bachelor 2017.

FYI – even QLD Police can’t believe it.

Let’s recap. Matty J made Top two in the Bachelorette last year and it ended with him making a sound like a drowning moose as his heart was stomped into the ground.




Apparently he’s decided to shake it off, just shake it off, by again exposing his abs- errr- heart on national television.


My predictions are someone will do one of the following;
1. Sing/dance/play an instrument
2. Police officer will attempt to arrest or carrying him (MICHELLE FTW)
3. A present that makes no sense
4. Awkward overshares of intimate personal details of their life waaaaay too early
5. Some kind of fitness thing like a push-up or yoga





HERE WE GO!


Recap
Lots of Matty J, now just Matty, standing on boats, in the ocean, jumping off things.


Would you say it’s Matty taking the…. Leap of Love??? 





Montage of girls saying THEY ARE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS! Well…





Geeze… warn a girl why dontcha…


Osher enters looking dapper in a black tux, reminding us that Matty is looking for love after Georgia chose the binary form of love and rejected my idea of a polygamous arrangement between the final two Bachelor’s last season. But now we have Matty and everyone is happy, so let us all hope that Matt isn’t another Richie.





^Seriously I don’t know if I can’t put up with another chocolate bath being the highlight of the season…


More of Matty splashing around a pool with his baby nephew, talking to his family -it’s all lovely BUT LET’S GET TO THE GOWN AND THE GIRLS!!!






Entrance
First up we have Alix 24, who is a body painter. She tells him that she gets an eye-twitch when nervous… is… is that a pick-up line these days? Is it a euphemism?





I mean it’s been a while since I’ve dated but… moving on…


Tara 27, is a nanny who dreams of talking for 5 hours without someone telling her to shut up. Aim high Tara, aim high! She then verbally word vomits all over Matty, ending with “Bye buddy, cya mate.”





Next is Laura 30, a jewellery designer who has sightly creepy eyes and wears a significant amount of rings. Matty is disappointed that she didn’t bring him a ring especially because she looks like Georgia Love from last season!



^Nope it’s Laura Of The Rings!


Up walks a woman holding helium balloons, it’s Cobie the coal plant operator and Matty proceed to suck the helium in (terrible for the lungs btw) trading jokes in high pitched voices. He likes it so points to her.


Simone, Elise, Monika, Laura-Ann (of the tingling ovaries – yes she said this to him), Elizabeth, Steph, Sharlene, Stacey (wearing her sash), Sian (pronounced Charn), and Jennifer are introduced in what can only be termed a squishy montage.





Meanwhile Natalie 26, Midwife has apparently been stalking Matty for instagram for 6 months. I say stalking because she says stalking. “I’ve only been stalking him for six months. Six months I’ve been stalking him… on instagram.”
Phew. Glad she added that in.



^Unless I say I’m a stalker then really… I am.


Natalie sees Matty through the limo window and immediately starts dry-reaching . Umm… She admits to stalking him. SERIOUSLY… WHY NOT CALL IT RESEARCH??!!!??
She pulls herself together enough to actually leave the vehicle only to tell him she’s stalked him… Awkies. She just said moist. MOIST. She keeps saying it. Like a lot. It’s all she can say at the moment.


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^Matty’s face. So uncomfortable.


She’s like the worst person on a first date and I LOVE IT!!! IT IS SOOOO BAD!!!!


OMG!!! TMI ALERT!! TOO MUCH INFO ALERT!!!


Miss Moist reveals that she decided to go on the Bachelor last year while she was in a relationship. They were watching the Bachelor and she saw Matty with his top off and decided that he was THE ONE for her.





WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!?? IS THIS SOMETHING PEOPLE DO THESE DAYS??? BREAK UP WITH THEIR GIRLFRIEND FOR A REALITY TV STAR???





Anyways who is nex-OMG!!! COP CAR!!! YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I TOTALLY CALLED THIS!!!!



Source: Channel Ten


Michelle has ARRIVED!!!
“I heard there was an emergency, I’m Constable Paxton.”
YAAASSSSS!!!! YASSS CONSTABLE!!! YASSSS!!!!!
OMG!!! HE ASKED HER TO ARREST HIM AND SHE DOES!!! YAAASSSSSS!!!!!!




ALL MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE!!!!! It’s like they reached into my brain and went, Kim, this is for you.


I LOVE IT!!!! SHE IS INTIMIDATING HER WAY TO THE TOP!!!!


Belinda 31, the love coach arrives and immediately places Matty’s hand on her “heart” for a minute without talking.





Her crazy eyes are pretty impressive. Matty is diplomatic but just awkwardly stands there staring at her not speaking while the clock counts down. We’re all feeling it Matt, we’re all feeling it. Finally, after the longest minute in history love coach introduces herself says her job and he’s diplomatic before sending her on her way.





Florence 27 is a brand manager who hands over a gift of clogs from her home country. As in the shoes…. is she trying to send him a message?


 
^Now I get it! The puns are totally worth it. Carry on.


OMG! Akoulina 27, is a gymnastic’s coach who arrives twirling ribbons and “has wrapped herself up to gift herself to him.”




She is just twirling that ribbon like a champ!


Lisa 24 is a student who is rather tall. Literally that’s her entrance. She’s rather tall. OK… Matty is giddy.


Leah 24 from Melbourne is wearing a dress that only a confident woman can pull off. Oh wait, it’s the same dress as another woman in the house only in black…




Though having now seen her entrance I think she may be the mean girl of this season.


Wait… that’s 21 girls? Where’s Elora?



Cocktail Party
Osher drops a PLOT TWIST, a Secret Garden where Matty J can have some alone time with a lady friend of his choosing each cocktail party! How convenient!


^Must. Pace. Euphemism. Usage.


Laura Of The Rings gets taken off to the first side date. It’s looking really cute but everyone comments on the fact she looks a lot like Georgia Love (of last seasons the heart-stomping) when the lights suddenly turn off and a firedancer enters. Elora has arrived! The girls are not pleased. Meanwhile I’m like…




The girls are seriously not pleased. So much displeasure. So much shade being thrown. They’re calling her an intruder.


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^MOAR!!!!


Elora is killing it with Matty – KILLING IT. The other other girls are not best pleased. ANNNNDDDD this is the moment they all realise it is a game and there is only one man for 22 women and they can’t be sister wives, despite all our wishes otherwise.





Girls are now interrupting others time with Matty, saying awful things, pulling each other down, and getting very very drunk.  SOMEONE SAID SOMEONE’S DRESS WAS PUTRID!





They’re now all eating popcorn while Jennifer cries about her dress being called putrid…. The girl who said it is saying that it was in reference to the 3 inches of mud on the bottom of said dress…
I…
They…




Seriously…


Episode One People. ONLY EPISODE ONE!!


OMG. “I don’t do drama,”  Jennifer says while she starts calling out Ms Moist for farting in the Bachelor Mansion. “Ladies don’t do that.”





Meanwhile, the actual object of this TV show whisks Lisa off to the Secret Garden to discuss things like how boy-ish she is while still being a girl.



^I…have no idea. Lisa’s teeth are really white tho.


Meanwhile, post-secret garden chat, we cut to inside the mansion where Michelle the cop is playing it cool, just sitting back, observing the crazy. Matty grabs a rose and whisks her away to hand her the first rose. “I feel we have a connection and I can be myself around you.”





PRAISE OSHER!!! WE HAVE A CONTENDER WHO IS AWESOME AND NOT CRAZY AND IS OVER 30!!! PRAISE OSHER!!!!


Rose Ceremony
We arrive on the altar of broken dreams and Osher gently reminds people that 21 of them don’t have a rose and the 2 whose name he doesn’t remember will be going home.


Matty chooses Lisa of the Secret Garden (so many Euphemisms so little time) to be safe.

Laura Of the Rings is safe.





Alix of the Body Paint safe
Elora of the Fire safe
Cobie the Coal safe
Elise, Tara, Simone, Laura-Anne, Akoulina, Leah (the mean girl), Florence, Stephanie, Natalie, and Belinda (Love Coach) are safe
Jennifer of the dress drama
Sharlene is safe.
It comes down to Elizabeth (the one who said the dress was putrid), Stacey (Miss V8) and Monika (who didn’t get featured at all) are on the chopping board.
Elizabeth is safe.
Monika and Stacey head home.


And so ends Episode 1. I can’t believe I agreed to do this. I’m already invested.
Well. Bring on the dates tomorrow night I guess!