Susan Piver's Blog, page 7

How (and why) to accept the unacceptable (aka impermanence)

Hello, I hope you and your loved ones are well. Before today’s 10-minute meditation, I share some thoughts about the first noble truth of Buddhism–that life is suffering (or unsatisfying). Thanks a lot, Buddha! Not exactly what I was hoping to hear. Nonetheless…there is power and even joy in abiding in reality. In your life. IRL (in real life). It’s one thing to have an intellectual understanding of a spiritual teaching but another thing entirely to live it out in your own life, today. In this video, I offer a few thoughts about how (and why) to try. 

One of the stories I told took place in a conversation in the Open Heart Project sangha, our membership community. Please think about joining. It’s important–some would say necessary–to journey together with others, to be held, and accompanied. Even though each path is solitary, to tread the path alone together changes…everything. 

With love, 
Susan

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Working with strong (or afflictive) emotions (plus some questions for you)

Hello, Open Heart Project. I hope you are well and finding ways to be joyful and kind (to yourself, others, the planet).

This video suggests three ways we can work with so-called negative emotions. There are so many all over the place! It can be very difficult to figure out how to work with rage, fear, and, perhaps most dangerous, apathy. I hope you find something useful in the thoughts I share. It is very important to find ways to work with your mind so please use the 10-minute meditation as you wish.

On another note, I am really interested to learn more about you.

The Open Heart Project has grown and changed so much over the years. When I started it way back in 2013, I had some sense of who was involved and why you may have signed up for these emails. It was so much smaller.

I’d love to hear from you. If you would take a moment to respond to few questions, that would be wonderful. You can find them here.

Many thanks!

With love,
Susan

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Only non-aggression defeats aggression

Hello, excellent Open Heart Project practitioners. I’m reflecting on a time I posted this message to social media: “What if we never chose sides? What if we chose to care about each other?”

I knew as I was posting that this would make some people mad because nothing angers people more than suggesting non-aggression. (The blog post I wrote that received the most negative and enraged comments ever was called “Compassion for our Enemies.”) People immediately think, “Hitler” or “killing children” or “animal abusers” as examples of things we should, ought, must takes sides against and fight. They in some way believe I am condoning these things or agreeing to allow them from some navel-gazing Buddhist Shmudhist woo-woo new age bullshit perspective. Or I’m simply a coward, a big baby, or both. Compassion is a deterrent, they believe.

Actually, compassion is a weapon of power. I mean, enemies are real and we must fight them with our whole hearts. However, when we fight what we hate by trying to summon more vitriol and hostility than our enemy, we always, always lose. The entire scope of recorded history is my witness. It takes far more courage to work with our feelings of rage than it does to hide from them by acting them out. When we look underneath rage, we will find a wall of sadness and grief.

There is so much to be sad about in this world. Because it is so uncomfortable, we immediately want to turn sadness into what we imagine will hurt less: anger, hopelessness, helplessness. When the wish to help is rooted in anger, it will only create more confusion. And of course, when we feel hopeless or helpless, we take refuge in non-action, which also creates confusion.

When we allow sadness, action arises from love.

I believe that sadness and the willingness to feel altogether are the antidotes to the hatred and degradation in our world. All the things we abhor were committed by people who were hurt and didn’t know what to do. They believed their feelings were reality. Honestly. It may seem trivial, but it is true. Therefore, when we develop some capacity to feel, we also develop the capacity restore our world to sanity.

Be brave. Be sad.

Please practice non-hatred. Please practice solving rather than winning. Please practice taking the first step toward love. You can do it. I know this because it is what you practice each time you sit on your cushion (or chair!!) to meditate, each time you pick up your journal, and each time you allow your heart to break open to this world.

Keep me posted.

Love,
Susan

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What to do about “monkey mind”?

As you have learned (or will learn if this is your first time meditating), our practice requires us to be mindful of three things.

First is mindfulness of body—we hold our posture in a certain way.

Second is mindfulness of breath—we place attention on breath and, when it strays, bring it back.

Third is mindfulness of mind. But what does this mean?

Are we trying to monitor each thought and when we see one, turn away from it? 

Or are we supposed to empty our minds of thought in order to meditate? (Those of you who know me know what I’m going to say—absolutely not.)

Are we supposed to quiet our minds? (Not necessary, this happens on its own when we apply the technique. No effort required.)

Are we supposed to look carefully for insight into the nature of reality—or should we just relax and let things flow and twist and turn and trust that eventually our minds will sort themselves out?

Actually, none of the above.

Most of us tend to prefer either super close examination and keeping a very tight leash on our minds OR relinquishing control and letting things sort of run amok. The first danger is mistaking vigilance for awareness. The second danger is in becoming lost in the display of thought, feeling, and sensation.

If we want our meditation practice to lead us to peace and enlightenment and happiness, what then is the middle ground?

There is a famous story about a sitar player who requested to meet with the Buddha to discuss his meditation practice. He asked him, “Should I maintain tight controls on my mind during meditation or should I let it flow?” The Buddha asked, “How do you tune your instrument?” The sitar play said, “If I tune the strings too tightly, they break. If they are too loose, no sound comes out.” “Just so,” replied the Buddha, “you should hold your mind in meditation.” Not too tight—let your thoughts be as they are, allow your mind to be at rest within its activity, feel its flow and energy—and not too loose—remember to apply the technique with a light touch to maintain an environment of order and clarity and, perhaps above all, let go and keep letting go until you even let go of letting go.

So as you go about your life today, as you look at your to-do list, listen to your child’s voice, sit down with your boss to discuss a project, or even simply leaf through a magazine, tune in every now and then to ask yourself: Where is my mind right now? Too tight (anxious, demanding, narrow)? Too loose (spacy, unfocused, dull)? Or just right, as Goldilocks might say…meaning: awake, joyous, and on the dot.

To learn more about meditation, the spiritual path, and yourself please join the Open Heart Project sangha.

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3 ways to work with “negative” emotions

Dear wonderful Open Heart Project,

It’s possible you thought, as did I, that meditation would help you feel…less. Less rage. Less sorrow. I’d have even settled for less crankiness. No such luck–I’m still a human being. I made this video for those of you who fear that anger or other so-called negative emotions mean you are not a spiritual person. YOU ARE!  

Before today’s sit, I offer some thoughts on how to work with our most difficult feelings. Note: none of these suggestions are about becoming anything other than who you are. All of them are about how we can work with anything that arises within us as our path: even rage, bitterness, fear, and heartache, all the things we just wish we did not have to feel. It is all fodder for your awakening. At least that’s what I think.

What do you think? I always love to hear from you. 

With love, Susan

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Election season anger and fear

This morning while I was meditating, I pictured myself punching a particular Presidential candidate in the face. I wished he was dead. I found myself hoping that someone would kill him.

While I was meditating, y’all. As lame as I may be as a meditator and a Buddhist, I recognized that this was the wrong way to go. Even though I know I am “right,” I also know that whatever hate I feel will only worsen the situation. A cursory glance at the entire scope of recorded history proves my point: Hate leads to hate. The hatred I feel for others further fuels the hatred they feel for me. This is unavoidable.

Someone has got to put an end to it.

But how? There is no way I can or will try to cajole myself into feeling anything whatsoever soft towards those I believe are doing harm to others and this world. Some people represent very real threats. Action must be taken, and it should be swift, decisive, and unrelenting until all beings are protected from harm.

How then can we take powerful and potent action against what we know is wrong (and hateful) without hate and anger in our hearts?

I don’t know how to answer this question, I’m sorry. However, I do have some clues and here they are.

Begin by examining your own personal view of humanity. Do you believe, or, more importantly, do you feel that, at our core, we humans are A. good or B. bad? By A, I mean, do you trust us? Do you trust yourself? Do you believe that underneath it all, we care about ourselves and each other and are full of tenderness and grace? Or, B, do you believe that underneath it all, we are craven, self-centered beings who are only out for ourselves and are incapable of seeing past our own small viewpoint?

Albert Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” Please consider that everything that proceeds from A creates more A and everything that proceeds from B creates more B. Just for now.

If “A” is true, then all of the heinous, vicious, violent, hate in the world is actually a form of extraordinary, wrong-headed, deep, and vile confusion—but not of evil. To hold this view does not make anything better, not at all. However, it does create space in our hearts and minds, some sense of, this is totally not the way things are supposed to be, how can we fix it…rather than, until these people are gone, there is no hope. 

What I’m trying to say is that choosing “A” is akin to choosing a sense of unification with our fellow humans, some of whom are profoundly, vastly fucked up. Choosing “B” means only one thing: there is “Us” and there is “Them” and until They are gone, We are screwed. As alluded to above, this does not work. The problem is not whether we agree or disagree on certain positions or values. The problem is that we hate and distrust each other.

With some sense of sorrow and rage for the confusion of our world rather than icy, dismissive, degrading disdain for our opponents, we could take this view: Hating someone or something is okay even though it causes you way more pain than it does to anyone else. However, we’re human so it’s going to happen. There is only one thing that is not okay and it is to think that you are different from the person or people you hate. With a few small changes in your history, you could have been the person you hate. So, rage with revulsion. Keen in horror. Be repulsed and mercilessly unforgiving. I repeat: No problem. However, don’t think for one second that you are any different than whomever or whatever you despise.

4. Here is a practice that could help when caught in moments of hatred. When you find yourself engulfed in rage and terror, take a pause. Instead of fueling it with thoughts such as, “I can’t believe what these people think” or “can’t they see how wrong they are?” take a look at what is just beneath your anger and fear. Given that “A” is true, here is what I believe you will find: Sadness. Bottomless, searing, human sadness. Unremitting love for Planet Earth and its inhabitants. Supreme protectiveness of what you hold dear. 

These things are beautiful, workable, expansive. Take refuge in them.

Fear shrinks your mind. Tenderness expands it. Know that your “opponents” are exactly this way too. You may think they are idiots, but that’s okay. They think you’re an idiot. We could all examine going beyond this. 

Let’s you and I go first.

I wish you well in your struggle with hatred and fear. I have great, great faith in you, you, you, and you, and also in myself, even though I am obviously a bad Buddhist.

For now, hate and rage on. But use it as fuel for love. This is totally possible and I will be trying right alongside you.

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The path is what you’re doing right now

In the Buddhist view, there are three ways to practice the dharma. (Determining the way that is right for you is a matter of karma and inspiration.)

The first way is the path of monasticism. This is fairly straightforward in terms of understanding what is meant. You renounce this world and the things of this world—money, sex, buying a house, hanging out in bars, making a career, figuring out what to wear, raising children and so on—to devote yourself 101% to practice and study. Shelter, food, and housecleaning are provided and sustained by the monks and nuns themselves. They live in community.

The second way is the path of the forest yogi. These are people who also renounce the conventional world. The forest yogi sets out with nothing: no money, no shelter, no route to follow. In the olden days, these were wandering mendicants who meditated in caves and on cliffs, inviting the phenomenal world to teach them everything there is to know. When hungry, they walked from house to house with a begging bowl. Today, the forest yogis might be those of us who give up conventional life to become renegades or rogues. People such as Henry David Thoreau and Emily Dickinson come to mind. More recently, the great Buddhist meditation master and spiritual leader Mingyur Rinpoche walked this path. One day in 2011, his students knocked on his door and found that he had disappeared. For four years. During that time, he wandered in anonymity. His community did not know where he was or what he was doing. (He recently resurfaced and this is a bit of an insight into what happened.)

The third way does not involve renouncing this world. In fact, it involves the opposite. It is the path of diving headfirst into ordinary life and taking it and all its details—money, sex, buying a house, hanging out in bars, making a career, figuring out what to wear, raising children, and so on—as the path itself. This is a very interesting thing to do. It is just as profound as the paths of the monastic and the forest yogi. In fact, there are some who say that it is the most difficult path.

If you are reading this, there is a 99% chance that you are a Householder. It is a very potent path, my friends. It has the power to infuse the ordinary with profound magic. At the same time, it is what it is: preparing food, sweeping up, doing the laundry, watching television, riding the bus, and so on. The is-ness is the thing here.

The game-changing thing to know about the householder path is this: It is not a layman’s path. Traditionally, a layman is “someone who is a non-ordained member of a church, or a person who is not qualified in a given profession and/or does not have specific knowledge of a certain subject.” This definition does not apply. The householder path is not defined by what you are not. In our view, the householder is just as much on the path to enlightenment as anyone—but rather than using renunciation as a path, we use full-tilt engagement with the conventional world. Well, we do renounce one thing—that who we are and what we do have no meaning and thus we have no power to change the world. That view goes out the window entirely.

One could say that the householder path involves three stages.

In the first stage, we practice not being afraid of ourselves. Meditation provides the working basis. (For support, please consider signing up for the Open Heart Project sangha.)

In the second stage, we practice removing ourselves from the center of the universe to communicate genuinely with others. Caring is the working basis.

In the third stage, we take an unstinting interest in our world and every one of its details. We open. When we open, there is nothing to hold on to and so we enter a state of groundlessness. Letting go is the working basis. Some say that this is the same thing as enlightenment. Being unenlightened, I don’t know myself. But I have heard this.

Thoughts? I always love hearing from you.

Warmly,
Susan

PS: This post does not have a meditation video so if you’d like to practice together, please click here for last Monday’s video. The meditation starts at 11:27.

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Recording of Meet the Inner Teacher info session

It was a joy to discuss the means by which meditation supports a deeper relationship with your own wisdom mind. 

Meeting the inner teacher is a profound and fascinating subject–and one rarely discussed when mindfulness meditation is taught as a self-help technique or life hack. As mindfulness makes its way into our culture, fewer and fewer teachers offer it for its spiritual benefits, which include pure wisdom, fierce compassion, and mind-bending courage. No religion or belief systems required.

When these qualities come together in a teacher’s personal presence, the student is supported, not to learn what you know, but to discover something within themselves. It is my greatest passion to teach others how to teach meditation in this way. 

I invite you to consider our upcoming Meditation Teacher Training, an 11-week program which begins September 7. All the details are here. I don’t have plans to teach this again until 2026 so if it is of interest, please apply soon.

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What is the “middle way?” (Might not be what you thought…)

Audio-only version is here.
Meditation practice begins at 11:27.

Dear Open Heart Project,

Hello, and a heartfelt thank you to everyone who reached out to me after my cat passed away. Your kindness has been received and welcome.

In this video, I share something I’ve been thinking about in relation so my own spiritual journey, what in Buddhism is called “the middle way.” What is it in the middle of? How does one find this midpoint? I hope you find interesting things to think about in regard to this question.

Let me hear any reflections you have. I always love to hear from you.

With love,
Susan

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Grief, loss, and cats

Hello,

First off, I want to say that if you are struggling with grief or depression, you may not want to listen to this because I cry and talk about my own sorrows. 

In this video, I share about my loss of a beloved household member, our cat, Sly. I didn’t know if I could talk about it because I am just so sad. I feel like someone tied a 5-pound weight around my heart. When I look at this video myself, I see how heavy my energy is. 

This is sorrow. Within it, there is something awake and intelligent. This does not make it any easier, but perhaps there is something important being communicated about love and sadness and their relationship.

If you are grieving, I hope you will find something useful here. If you’re not grieving, I hope you will find something useful as well. 

Love,
Susan

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