David Gustafson's Blog: Bonjour Amigos!, page 25
December 18, 2015
The Robo-call Romance
Before I saw the light from above and took my PC to the dump and replaced it with an iMac, I often found myself in many confusing conversations concerning computer problems with nice people in India getting paid to practice their English. The conversations usually ended with the curry-flavored accent at the other end exclaiming, "Why are you yelling at me, Mr. Gustafson?"
Once, I did get into an alluring conversation with a sultry-sounding Miss Bombay about the movie and music "Monsoon Wedding." Unfortunately, it ended with click before our romance could blossom any further. Otherwise, I do not miss those geekster encounters.
Since then, I have fallen in love with the fit, the finish and the reliable function of everything Apple Computer sends out with an i in front of the name. However…however...
However, Siri has inspired robo-caller interviews from everything from healthcare, to banks, to car dealers. I usually hang up on the intruders, but yesterday I got into the wine ….I got into the wine. Did I mention, that I got into the wine?
I was in the kitchen and the quail had wandered down from the conservation area and were impatiently peering through the sliding glass door, wondering why it was taking me so long to shred some of my delicioso. artisanal bread and toss it their way. Because of my culinary efforts, my wild quail are the size of laying hens.
Please, do not tell the boys back at the Bellagio poker room that I am the St. Francis of Las Vegas. That could harm my table image.
Then sang my phone.
"This is 'The X-Bank' and this call is for David Gustafson. If you are David Gustafson please press one, say "yes" or hang up."
Her voice was unusually soothing. I pressed one and took another sip of the ice cold Riesling, ignoring the next prompt whether or not I wanted to switch to a Spanish speaking señorita. Apparently, a lot of people with Scandinavian names like to take their robo-calls in Spanish.
"Was that a "yes?"
"No" I shouted, suddenly wondering why she did not offer up a svenska flicka for my conversational amusement. "That was a not a "no!"
Outside the door, Boss Mama quail, who is the size of a Christmas turkey with breasts that would make Dolly Parton weep with envy was getting ready to break through the glass the door, jump on the table and devour my idle bread.
Her timid seraglio of lovers were peeking over her shoulder. Quail are monogamous, but Boss Mama requires the services of an all-boy harem. You can see the unquenchable fire in her eyes.
The sultry voice sang into my phone, "We want to ask you a few questions about your visit to our bank yesterday, December 17. Please press one or say "yes" if you visited our bank yesterday, December 17?"
I was staring back at Boss Mama quail and for some unknown reason, maybe it was the Riesling, I replied, "I want to kiss your strawberries."
There was a tantalizing pause.
"Was that a "yes?" Please press one or say "yes" if you visited out bank, yesterday, December 17?"
I can take a hint. Some girls like a lot of foreplay.
"Yes," I shouted. "I want to kiss your strawberries!"
"Why are you yelling at me, Mr. Gustafson?"
Once, I did get into an alluring conversation with a sultry-sounding Miss Bombay about the movie and music "Monsoon Wedding." Unfortunately, it ended with click before our romance could blossom any further. Otherwise, I do not miss those geekster encounters.
Since then, I have fallen in love with the fit, the finish and the reliable function of everything Apple Computer sends out with an i in front of the name. However…however...
However, Siri has inspired robo-caller interviews from everything from healthcare, to banks, to car dealers. I usually hang up on the intruders, but yesterday I got into the wine ….I got into the wine. Did I mention, that I got into the wine?
I was in the kitchen and the quail had wandered down from the conservation area and were impatiently peering through the sliding glass door, wondering why it was taking me so long to shred some of my delicioso. artisanal bread and toss it their way. Because of my culinary efforts, my wild quail are the size of laying hens.
Please, do not tell the boys back at the Bellagio poker room that I am the St. Francis of Las Vegas. That could harm my table image.
Then sang my phone.
"This is 'The X-Bank' and this call is for David Gustafson. If you are David Gustafson please press one, say "yes" or hang up."
Her voice was unusually soothing. I pressed one and took another sip of the ice cold Riesling, ignoring the next prompt whether or not I wanted to switch to a Spanish speaking señorita. Apparently, a lot of people with Scandinavian names like to take their robo-calls in Spanish.
"Was that a "yes?"
"No" I shouted, suddenly wondering why she did not offer up a svenska flicka for my conversational amusement. "That was a not a "no!"
Outside the door, Boss Mama quail, who is the size of a Christmas turkey with breasts that would make Dolly Parton weep with envy was getting ready to break through the glass the door, jump on the table and devour my idle bread.
Her timid seraglio of lovers were peeking over her shoulder. Quail are monogamous, but Boss Mama requires the services of an all-boy harem. You can see the unquenchable fire in her eyes.
The sultry voice sang into my phone, "We want to ask you a few questions about your visit to our bank yesterday, December 17. Please press one or say "yes" if you visited our bank yesterday, December 17?"
I was staring back at Boss Mama quail and for some unknown reason, maybe it was the Riesling, I replied, "I want to kiss your strawberries."
There was a tantalizing pause.
"Was that a "yes?" Please press one or say "yes" if you visited out bank, yesterday, December 17?"
I can take a hint. Some girls like a lot of foreplay.
"Yes," I shouted. "I want to kiss your strawberries!"
"Why are you yelling at me, Mr. Gustafson?"
December 13, 2015
Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week!
Bonjour Amigos!
Welcome to the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week Award and our contest, Match That Quote where we challenge your sleepy Sunday neurons by offering up three quotes for you to correctly match with our celebrity guest.
Yesterday was crooner Frank Sinatra's 100th birthday so Frankie has dropped by BA to be our honored guest celebrity.
But first, the hypocrites...
Warren Buffet and some big-money cronies went to bat this week with a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton who has recently been heard directing ominous threats towards Wall Street, raising some $400,000 to chase away the storm Hillary is gathering in her mitts.
The ransom price for each ticket ponied up by some of those same irrationally exuberant financiers who led the world into the financial crisis of 2007 was $33,400. By any standards, this is a reasonable bribe to the political class to ward off potential jail time for future crimes and misdemeanors.
We are willing to bet more than chocolate chip cookies that the odd $3,400 was not doled out among those working-class stiffs, the waiters and waitresses as a gratuity. We live in Vegas. We will take your action.
We are also willing to wager that the menu was more filet mignon and lobster than meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
Buffet's hypocrisy is not in supporting the political pig of his choice. Pigs are pigs and they need to be fed. Rather, it is the cynical suspicion that the Oligarch of Omaha is more sincere about his own bottom line than about the latest party line or any sort of political fealty for that matter.
By backing the anti-business Democrats his contributions protect him while they are in office while automatically being assured protection by the pro-business Republicans whenever they capture Congress or The White House. Sorry, but satirists are born cynics.
Speaking of money and hypocrisy, the Pew Research Center came out with a study stating that for the first time the middle class is no longer a majority of Americans. Hovering just shy of 50%, the hardy glue that holds the hodge-podge collage together are outnumbered by an unholy coalition of the very, very poor and the very, very rich.
Firing up The Way Back Machine, back in 1971, the middle class comprised 61% of the population.
The only hypocrisy here is that this article was buried far away from all that front page coverage trumpeting the climate summit in Paris.
The erosion of the middle class is truly a more impending disaster for America than polar bears or icicles. Who will the country tax for the next senseless military excursion cobbled together by crackhead politicians and Dummkopher generals or for the social entitlements bestowed monthly upon the second and third generation of the professional underclass that would rather collect a government check that allows them to stay at home and watch Dancing With the Stars, America Has Talent or reruns of NBA playoffs on the boob tube than acquire a skill that has value in the marketplace?
The winner, please!
The Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week is Reverend Peter Miqueli, formerly of St. Francis de Chantal in the Bronx.
Please do not get your panties all in a bunch thinking that this is one of those anti-Catholic rants periodically smeared across the pages of the New York Times or babbled sanctimoniously by the boob tube bobbleheads at CNN. What you are reading is being carefully crafted in very fine, uncial calligraphic script by the hand of a devout Catholic who attends Mass and receives Holy Communion every Sunday.
It seems that Father Miquell has been annoying parishioners for some time by harassing single moms for not being good Catholics, denying baptism to families commenting on an online petition calling for his ouster, preaching that being gay is a sin, yelling at parishioners during reconciliation (confession) and claiming that, "I am the king here. I can't be touched."
Well, Miqueli got touched this week. The good Father was forced by the diocese to submit his resignation.
Apparently the publicly anti-gay priest was discovered maintaining a Jersey shore home for his bodybuilder boy toy and S&M master. The diocese is also looking into how a $2,500 a-month priest managed to acquire a $900,000 stock portfolio.
BA cannot help but wonder if he has any stock in Warren Buffet's Berkshire Hathaway? It may not be too late to make a donation to Hillary Clinton who could be of some assistance in acquiring clemency. After all, Holy Hillary forgave hubby Bill for cheating on her with a whole chorus line of different babes after exchanging their marriage vows
It can be whimsically bewildering to hear the irrepressibly Roaming Willy rave about how peachy keen the lying bitch would be for the rest of us suckers. But, then forgive us, for we are confessed cynics and an adulterer's endorsement of his dearly betrayed wife sounds a bit frayed around the edges.
The Bronx District Attorney's office is now investigating the good Father. We are wagering Miqueli will find a new home and a lot of new friends in prison. Unfortunately, none of Warren Buffet's bankster buddies will ever be joining in the exaltation. The banksters have prepaid for their indulgences. Those Wall Street dudes tithe the proper donations to the political class beforehand and live in a graceful state of immunity from the law.
Match That Quote with The Chairman of the Board!
You have three chances to chose the authentic Sinatra quote.
1. I'm supposed to have a Ph. D. on the subject of women. But the truth is I've flunked more often than not. I'm very fond of women; I admire them. But, like all men, I don't understand them.
2. The best revenge is massive success.
3. Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy.
Pssssst…some of you may be beginning to wonder if those briefs previously filed with The Justice Department by the multiculturalist who believe that everyone is entitled to a prize may be taking its toll on BA, but be forewarned, this is simply a clever trap that will spring shut down the road. Be careful what you used to grab your cheese!
Until next week, Peeps!
Hasta Luego, Mes Amis!
Welcome to the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week Award and our contest, Match That Quote where we challenge your sleepy Sunday neurons by offering up three quotes for you to correctly match with our celebrity guest.
Yesterday was crooner Frank Sinatra's 100th birthday so Frankie has dropped by BA to be our honored guest celebrity.
But first, the hypocrites...
Warren Buffet and some big-money cronies went to bat this week with a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton who has recently been heard directing ominous threats towards Wall Street, raising some $400,000 to chase away the storm Hillary is gathering in her mitts.
The ransom price for each ticket ponied up by some of those same irrationally exuberant financiers who led the world into the financial crisis of 2007 was $33,400. By any standards, this is a reasonable bribe to the political class to ward off potential jail time for future crimes and misdemeanors.
We are willing to bet more than chocolate chip cookies that the odd $3,400 was not doled out among those working-class stiffs, the waiters and waitresses as a gratuity. We live in Vegas. We will take your action.
We are also willing to wager that the menu was more filet mignon and lobster than meatloaf and mashed potatoes.
Buffet's hypocrisy is not in supporting the political pig of his choice. Pigs are pigs and they need to be fed. Rather, it is the cynical suspicion that the Oligarch of Omaha is more sincere about his own bottom line than about the latest party line or any sort of political fealty for that matter.
By backing the anti-business Democrats his contributions protect him while they are in office while automatically being assured protection by the pro-business Republicans whenever they capture Congress or The White House. Sorry, but satirists are born cynics.
Speaking of money and hypocrisy, the Pew Research Center came out with a study stating that for the first time the middle class is no longer a majority of Americans. Hovering just shy of 50%, the hardy glue that holds the hodge-podge collage together are outnumbered by an unholy coalition of the very, very poor and the very, very rich.
Firing up The Way Back Machine, back in 1971, the middle class comprised 61% of the population.
The only hypocrisy here is that this article was buried far away from all that front page coverage trumpeting the climate summit in Paris.
The erosion of the middle class is truly a more impending disaster for America than polar bears or icicles. Who will the country tax for the next senseless military excursion cobbled together by crackhead politicians and Dummkopher generals or for the social entitlements bestowed monthly upon the second and third generation of the professional underclass that would rather collect a government check that allows them to stay at home and watch Dancing With the Stars, America Has Talent or reruns of NBA playoffs on the boob tube than acquire a skill that has value in the marketplace?
The winner, please!
The Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week is Reverend Peter Miqueli, formerly of St. Francis de Chantal in the Bronx.
Please do not get your panties all in a bunch thinking that this is one of those anti-Catholic rants periodically smeared across the pages of the New York Times or babbled sanctimoniously by the boob tube bobbleheads at CNN. What you are reading is being carefully crafted in very fine, uncial calligraphic script by the hand of a devout Catholic who attends Mass and receives Holy Communion every Sunday.
It seems that Father Miquell has been annoying parishioners for some time by harassing single moms for not being good Catholics, denying baptism to families commenting on an online petition calling for his ouster, preaching that being gay is a sin, yelling at parishioners during reconciliation (confession) and claiming that, "I am the king here. I can't be touched."
Well, Miqueli got touched this week. The good Father was forced by the diocese to submit his resignation.
Apparently the publicly anti-gay priest was discovered maintaining a Jersey shore home for his bodybuilder boy toy and S&M master. The diocese is also looking into how a $2,500 a-month priest managed to acquire a $900,000 stock portfolio.
BA cannot help but wonder if he has any stock in Warren Buffet's Berkshire Hathaway? It may not be too late to make a donation to Hillary Clinton who could be of some assistance in acquiring clemency. After all, Holy Hillary forgave hubby Bill for cheating on her with a whole chorus line of different babes after exchanging their marriage vows
It can be whimsically bewildering to hear the irrepressibly Roaming Willy rave about how peachy keen the lying bitch would be for the rest of us suckers. But, then forgive us, for we are confessed cynics and an adulterer's endorsement of his dearly betrayed wife sounds a bit frayed around the edges.
The Bronx District Attorney's office is now investigating the good Father. We are wagering Miqueli will find a new home and a lot of new friends in prison. Unfortunately, none of Warren Buffet's bankster buddies will ever be joining in the exaltation. The banksters have prepaid for their indulgences. Those Wall Street dudes tithe the proper donations to the political class beforehand and live in a graceful state of immunity from the law.
Match That Quote with The Chairman of the Board!
You have three chances to chose the authentic Sinatra quote.
1. I'm supposed to have a Ph. D. on the subject of women. But the truth is I've flunked more often than not. I'm very fond of women; I admire them. But, like all men, I don't understand them.
2. The best revenge is massive success.
3. Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy.
Pssssst…some of you may be beginning to wonder if those briefs previously filed with The Justice Department by the multiculturalist who believe that everyone is entitled to a prize may be taking its toll on BA, but be forewarned, this is simply a clever trap that will spring shut down the road. Be careful what you used to grab your cheese!
Until next week, Peeps!
Hasta Luego, Mes Amis!
December 12, 2015
Happy Birthday Frank!
Frank Sinatra would be 100 years old today.
The voice that could caress every syllable of every phrase lives on!
Thank you, and Happy Birthday Frank!
Sinatra and Stephen Sondheim..does it get any better?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1fVQ...
P.S.
How could I forget to include this one?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13Jw...
.
The voice that could caress every syllable of every phrase lives on!
Thank you, and Happy Birthday Frank!
Sinatra and Stephen Sondheim..does it get any better?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1fVQ...
P.S.
How could I forget to include this one?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j13Jw...
.
December 9, 2015
Trump: The Nutjob and the Toadies
After the terrorist shooting in San Bernardino, the billionaire nutjob Donald Trump has enraged the media around the world by stating that he would block Muslims from entering the United States. On the other hand , Hillary Clinton has taken a solemn oath never to use the phrases, "radical Islam" nor "Islamic terrorist."
Let us take a quick look at those contrasting positions for a moment even though there is only one possible circumstance under which Trump could ever win the Republican nomination. We will get to that one a little later.
What is interesting here is the dichotomy between Trump's stormtrooper bombast and Hillary's politically correct blather that pleases the European milquetoast toadies in the media who, while being card carrying members of sexual equality and prominent flag bearers for gay pride, have universally refrained from confronting any one of the million of migrants storming Europe with questions about Islam's virulent opposition to sexual equality or gay pride.
Let us be honest, not every Muslim supports ISIS. But every ISIS fighter is Muslim.
Let us be honest, Muslims do not play well with other children if they are females or gay.
Let us be honest, Muslims do not need self-defense as an excuse to resort to violence. They are entitled to use violence against any infidel.
By not mentioning these contradictions with Western values and taking oaths not to use the phrases, "radical Islam" or Islamic terrorists" or by giving migrants a pass on uncomfortable questions, the politically correct toadies are giving that nutjob Trump some stormtrooper ammunition to use during an election year.
Trump will only get the nomination under one condition.
Since 9/11, terrorist experts have repeatedly warned against the possibility of a bio-chemical attack, a dirty bomb or of a large city's water supply being poisoned.
If there is a cataclysmic terrorist attack within the US borders resulting in thousands of casualties, Trump will have his Reichstag fire.
Not only will he win the Republican nomination, he will likely be elected President and the politically correct toadies will be caught with their panties down around their ankles.
The point is, the politically correct, milquetoast toadies are enabling this nutjob, bombastic stormtrooper by giving Muslims a free pass on Western values.
Let us take a quick look at those contrasting positions for a moment even though there is only one possible circumstance under which Trump could ever win the Republican nomination. We will get to that one a little later.
What is interesting here is the dichotomy between Trump's stormtrooper bombast and Hillary's politically correct blather that pleases the European milquetoast toadies in the media who, while being card carrying members of sexual equality and prominent flag bearers for gay pride, have universally refrained from confronting any one of the million of migrants storming Europe with questions about Islam's virulent opposition to sexual equality or gay pride.
Let us be honest, not every Muslim supports ISIS. But every ISIS fighter is Muslim.
Let us be honest, Muslims do not play well with other children if they are females or gay.
Let us be honest, Muslims do not need self-defense as an excuse to resort to violence. They are entitled to use violence against any infidel.
By not mentioning these contradictions with Western values and taking oaths not to use the phrases, "radical Islam" or Islamic terrorists" or by giving migrants a pass on uncomfortable questions, the politically correct toadies are giving that nutjob Trump some stormtrooper ammunition to use during an election year.
Trump will only get the nomination under one condition.
Since 9/11, terrorist experts have repeatedly warned against the possibility of a bio-chemical attack, a dirty bomb or of a large city's water supply being poisoned.
If there is a cataclysmic terrorist attack within the US borders resulting in thousands of casualties, Trump will have his Reichstag fire.
Not only will he win the Republican nomination, he will likely be elected President and the politically correct toadies will be caught with their panties down around their ankles.
The point is, the politically correct, milquetoast toadies are enabling this nutjob, bombastic stormtrooper by giving Muslims a free pass on Western values.
December 7, 2015
Sweden Seeks a Cure for its Stockholm Syndrome
After the euphoria of ego-altruism when Sweden rushed to open its doors to migrants from the Middle East in search of the most lavish social benefits in Europe, when those generous Swedes seemed more than willing to trade places with the newbies, give them the keys to their own apartments, bundle up the kids and move the whole family into UN relief centers in Jordan and Turkey and raise the blue and yellow flag, those curious Swedes are having some second thoughts about being held hostage by their genetically induced Stockholm Syndrome and are now trying very hard to close those drafty doors.
Something is happening. The surest sign is that the politically correct toadies in the media have begun using the phrase "asylum seekers" rather than "refugees." When the toadies gather together to chime a new tune and agree on a common narrative, you know that something is happening. There is even talk about instituting controls on the Öresund bridge from Denmark.
Something is happening. The Stockholm Syndrome is under assault. Apparently, the Swedes are getting queasy about being abused by their own ego-altruism.
What happened? Did the Swedes get a closer look at something or someone that did not exactly agree with their rosy view of humanity? Or is it the most recent polls? Or was it Paris 13/11?
The toadies have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario should something similar bloody the sidewalks of Malmö, Göteborg or Stockholm.
This begs the question, which is the more debilitating affliction, the Stockholm Syndrome or the innate cowardice of the politically correct toadies?
Stay tuned asylum seekers. When the media toadies begin croaking the same tune, something is about to happen to the official party line.
Something is happening. The surest sign is that the politically correct toadies in the media have begun using the phrase "asylum seekers" rather than "refugees." When the toadies gather together to chime a new tune and agree on a common narrative, you know that something is happening. There is even talk about instituting controls on the Öresund bridge from Denmark.
Something is happening. The Stockholm Syndrome is under assault. Apparently, the Swedes are getting queasy about being abused by their own ego-altruism.
What happened? Did the Swedes get a closer look at something or someone that did not exactly agree with their rosy view of humanity? Or is it the most recent polls? Or was it Paris 13/11?
The toadies have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario should something similar bloody the sidewalks of Malmö, Göteborg or Stockholm.
This begs the question, which is the more debilitating affliction, the Stockholm Syndrome or the innate cowardice of the politically correct toadies?
Stay tuned asylum seekers. When the media toadies begin croaking the same tune, something is about to happen to the official party line.
December 6, 2015
Snoop Dogg Barry Obama Issues a Primetime Fatwa on Terrorism
Snoop Dogg Barry Obama, blessed be His name, issued his terrorist fatwa this evening during prime time on the boob tube and Praise the Lord! America will not be committing ground troops to the Middle East that will be ensnared for decades! Give the big-earred lad some credit! More credit than we could ever give to that trust-funder punk, Georgieboy Whack-a-doodle Bushwacker.
The bad news is, Snoop Dogg Barry's soft strategy against a stateless enemy without any borders is unlikely to have any real impact. The lone wolves will continue to be lone wolves and kill innocent people.
Snoop Dogg is also under the illusion that there will be some sort of contribution to this fight from the Muslim world. Send in the clowns with that one, Snoopy!
Snoopy's phrase that America is on the right side of history does not exactly jive with history. The USA went off the tracks with LBJ's phony Gulf of Tonkin Resolution and the ensuing debacle in Vietnam that forever transformed the congenial democracy that could not be dragged into World War II until the attack on Pearl Harbor into an evil empire maintaining hundreds and hundreds of military bases to project its military power around the globe.
The right side of history? If America built another memorial wall with the names of the hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese men, women and children who were slaughtered by American ground forces and aerial bombardments across the mall from the Vietnam memorial with the names of fallen Americans soldiers, perhaps the US could then claim it was back on the right side of history.
Snoopy also mentioned that another reason America was on the right side of history was because we believe that all people are equal before God. Snoopy said that with a straight face knowing full well from his personal upbringing that that particular mantra hardly jives with the Muslim view of women.
Snoop Doggy went on to assure the world that most Muslims are really good people and the violent ones are a vicious minority. Yes, tell that one to any side of history you choose out of any side of your mouth without being laughed off stage.
As we said, the good news is, Snoop Dogg Barry, blessed be His name, has issued his official fatwa and he will not be committing ground troops to yet another senseless war run by clueless generals out of their depth with world history, cultures and languages.
Even though a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile, we have to give Snoop Dogg Barry, blessed be His name, his full due.
The bad news is, Snoop Dogg Barry's soft strategy against a stateless enemy without any borders is unlikely to have any real impact. The lone wolves will continue to be lone wolves and kill innocent people.
Snoop Dogg is also under the illusion that there will be some sort of contribution to this fight from the Muslim world. Send in the clowns with that one, Snoopy!
Snoopy's phrase that America is on the right side of history does not exactly jive with history. The USA went off the tracks with LBJ's phony Gulf of Tonkin Resolution and the ensuing debacle in Vietnam that forever transformed the congenial democracy that could not be dragged into World War II until the attack on Pearl Harbor into an evil empire maintaining hundreds and hundreds of military bases to project its military power around the globe.
The right side of history? If America built another memorial wall with the names of the hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese men, women and children who were slaughtered by American ground forces and aerial bombardments across the mall from the Vietnam memorial with the names of fallen Americans soldiers, perhaps the US could then claim it was back on the right side of history.
Snoopy also mentioned that another reason America was on the right side of history was because we believe that all people are equal before God. Snoopy said that with a straight face knowing full well from his personal upbringing that that particular mantra hardly jives with the Muslim view of women.
Snoop Doggy went on to assure the world that most Muslims are really good people and the violent ones are a vicious minority. Yes, tell that one to any side of history you choose out of any side of your mouth without being laughed off stage.
As we said, the good news is, Snoop Dogg Barry, blessed be His name, has issued his official fatwa and he will not be committing ground troops to yet another senseless war run by clueless generals out of their depth with world history, cultures and languages.
Even though a blind squirrel finds a nut once in awhile, we have to give Snoop Dogg Barry, blessed be His name, his full due.
Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week
Bonjour Amigos!
It is that time for the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week Award.
Here are the main contenders
While in Moscow for a training appearance, Russian fans gave retired boxer Floyd Mayweather a beautiful Indian tiger to roam around the wilds of his Las Vegas mansion.
What else can you give a multi-bazillionaire who has everything including a 4.8 million dollar Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita? For those of you like myself, who consider a bicycle to be the most civilized means of transporation next to walking, the Trevita is a sports car.
Bonjour Amigos does not consider conspicuous consumption to necessarily be a form of hypocrisy if it is not gained though the exploitation of others. However, we consider a culture that awards athletes and entertainers a thousand times more cash, gold and celebrity than it bestows upon healthcare workers, hospice caretakers or cinnamon bun makers to be a genuine contender for Hypocrite of the Week.
In response to the shooting down of a stray fighter jet, Russia's Deputy Defense Minister Anatoly Antonov fired back and accused Turkish President Recep Erdgogan and his family of bankrolling terrorists by trading in Islamic State oil.
Antonov presented satellite photos of tanker trucks at IS facilities in Iraq and Syria that later crossed over into Turkey. Erdogan called the accusations slander and said he would step down if they were proven true.
About those photographs, Mr. Erdogan…
Drumroll...
This winner of the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week award is the American redneck state of Arkansas that is leading a charge of the politically correct toadies up and down yet another slippery slope.
We agree! This is hard to believe! Arkansas and politically correct have never, ever rhymed before!
Arkansas has decided to amend the birth certificates of children from same-sex households to list the adoptive parents as progenitors of record.
Not only does this make the politically correct toadies hysterically intoxicated with toadie joy over yet another cultural triumph to piss off the overwhelming majority, it also gives the atheists among them a wonderful chance to thumb their noses at Christians and the Virgin birth. Two birdies with one stone; hooray for Arkansas!
Perhaps the victorious secularist will bring about their own special Judgment Day by simply declaring all Arkansas death certificates to be null and void? That might be the only way to increase tourism to that hillbilly backwater.
Time for Match That Quote.
You have three chances to match this week's celebrity guest with their own words.
This week's guest may be a challenge for those of you from outside of the USA so we are giving you four, yes four! chances to match the correct quote with cowboy philosopher Will Rogers who was born in 1879.
1. Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
2. Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
3. The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other
I know, I know, some of you are mumbling, a goddamned cowboy, come on, give us some Mao Tse-Tung! Trust me Peeps, you can do it!
Until next week,
Hasta Luego Mes Amis
It is that time for the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week Award.
Here are the main contenders
While in Moscow for a training appearance, Russian fans gave retired boxer Floyd Mayweather a beautiful Indian tiger to roam around the wilds of his Las Vegas mansion.
What else can you give a multi-bazillionaire who has everything including a 4.8 million dollar Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita? For those of you like myself, who consider a bicycle to be the most civilized means of transporation next to walking, the Trevita is a sports car.
Bonjour Amigos does not consider conspicuous consumption to necessarily be a form of hypocrisy if it is not gained though the exploitation of others. However, we consider a culture that awards athletes and entertainers a thousand times more cash, gold and celebrity than it bestows upon healthcare workers, hospice caretakers or cinnamon bun makers to be a genuine contender for Hypocrite of the Week.
In response to the shooting down of a stray fighter jet, Russia's Deputy Defense Minister Anatoly Antonov fired back and accused Turkish President Recep Erdgogan and his family of bankrolling terrorists by trading in Islamic State oil.
Antonov presented satellite photos of tanker trucks at IS facilities in Iraq and Syria that later crossed over into Turkey. Erdogan called the accusations slander and said he would step down if they were proven true.
About those photographs, Mr. Erdogan…
Drumroll...
This winner of the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week award is the American redneck state of Arkansas that is leading a charge of the politically correct toadies up and down yet another slippery slope.
We agree! This is hard to believe! Arkansas and politically correct have never, ever rhymed before!
Arkansas has decided to amend the birth certificates of children from same-sex households to list the adoptive parents as progenitors of record.
Not only does this make the politically correct toadies hysterically intoxicated with toadie joy over yet another cultural triumph to piss off the overwhelming majority, it also gives the atheists among them a wonderful chance to thumb their noses at Christians and the Virgin birth. Two birdies with one stone; hooray for Arkansas!
Perhaps the victorious secularist will bring about their own special Judgment Day by simply declaring all Arkansas death certificates to be null and void? That might be the only way to increase tourism to that hillbilly backwater.
Time for Match That Quote.
You have three chances to match this week's celebrity guest with their own words.
This week's guest may be a challenge for those of you from outside of the USA so we are giving you four, yes four! chances to match the correct quote with cowboy philosopher Will Rogers who was born in 1879.
1. Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
2. Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
3. The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other
I know, I know, some of you are mumbling, a goddamned cowboy, come on, give us some Mao Tse-Tung! Trust me Peeps, you can do it!
Until next week,
Hasta Luego Mes Amis
November 29, 2015
Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week
Bonjour Amigos!
As everyone who is anyone knows, the world breathlessly awaits the latest pronouncements from the deep thinkers of Hollywood on the human condition.
Close the churches and synagogues! Whether anyone asked or not, Brad Pitt announced that he is a proud atheist after being an unwilling child prisoner in a Baptist home. Now we know what we need to believe if we are going to run with the "in" crowd.
In other hypocrite news, the CIA, that perpetual violator of America's Fourth Amendment* (spoiler below) protections, blamed whistleblower Edward Snowden for the Paris 13/11 massacre.
The peeper creepers accuse Snowden's document release of alerting terrorist masterminds to internet encryption even though there was government testimony on this same subject prior to 9/11. Fourteen years! But who is counting? Certainly not the peeper creepers at the CIA the NSA or the FBI.
This weeks' Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week is awarded to Hollywood director, Quinten Tarantino of "Pulp Fiction" and "Kill Bill" fame as well as, one of Time Magazine's Most Influential People in the World way back in 2005! Yes, the same world you and I live in! Wow! Who knew? Answer: Time Magazine.
Lately, Tarantino has been marching full blast in front of the New York tabloids and anyone else who will point a camera lens in his direction, arm-in-arm with the heroic, resident underclass against police brutality, reminding folks that he too was once a victim of those nasty cop bastards back in his struggling artist days when he spent some time in the LA clink. Eight days to be exact, according to QT. He knows cops and he says they stink! He knows oppression and he says it matters!
Well, it is no longer on the QT. One or two of those nosey cop bastards went prowling through the LA records all the way back to the 1980's and guess what? Yes, Tarantino actually did have one single run-in with the law. One. Uno. No mas!
He was arrested back in 2000 for driving without a license and and paid a $871 fine rather than go to jail.
Butter the popcorn, Mama! We can hardly wait for the action hero adventure about that badass outlaw, Quinten Tarantino whipping out his checkbook and courageously pointing it at those nasty cops.
Tarantino wins the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week award.
Last week, several readers filed legal briefs with the Justice Department because we only offered three chances during our new Match That Quote feature.
Apparently, the protestors are demanding that BA offer four choices in the name of multiculturalism.
Sorry, this is not Sweden, three is three and four is not.
This week's celebrity guest on Match That Quote is Mr. Confucius himself. You brave souls only have three chances to match the correct quote from the mouth or pen of The Big C.
However, we rigged the contest in another deceitful manner to appease the multiculturalists in the glorious name of the Stockholm Syndrome.
1. Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.
2. Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
3. When contemplating the frog, I often find myself scratching my ass.
*** BA bonus spoiler for the historically curious and those rogue members of the CIA, the NSA, and the FBI who can actually read:
The Fourth Amendment of the US Constitution
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Hasta Luego, Mes Amis!
As everyone who is anyone knows, the world breathlessly awaits the latest pronouncements from the deep thinkers of Hollywood on the human condition.
Close the churches and synagogues! Whether anyone asked or not, Brad Pitt announced that he is a proud atheist after being an unwilling child prisoner in a Baptist home. Now we know what we need to believe if we are going to run with the "in" crowd.
In other hypocrite news, the CIA, that perpetual violator of America's Fourth Amendment* (spoiler below) protections, blamed whistleblower Edward Snowden for the Paris 13/11 massacre.
The peeper creepers accuse Snowden's document release of alerting terrorist masterminds to internet encryption even though there was government testimony on this same subject prior to 9/11. Fourteen years! But who is counting? Certainly not the peeper creepers at the CIA the NSA or the FBI.
This weeks' Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week is awarded to Hollywood director, Quinten Tarantino of "Pulp Fiction" and "Kill Bill" fame as well as, one of Time Magazine's Most Influential People in the World way back in 2005! Yes, the same world you and I live in! Wow! Who knew? Answer: Time Magazine.
Lately, Tarantino has been marching full blast in front of the New York tabloids and anyone else who will point a camera lens in his direction, arm-in-arm with the heroic, resident underclass against police brutality, reminding folks that he too was once a victim of those nasty cop bastards back in his struggling artist days when he spent some time in the LA clink. Eight days to be exact, according to QT. He knows cops and he says they stink! He knows oppression and he says it matters!
Well, it is no longer on the QT. One or two of those nosey cop bastards went prowling through the LA records all the way back to the 1980's and guess what? Yes, Tarantino actually did have one single run-in with the law. One. Uno. No mas!
He was arrested back in 2000 for driving without a license and and paid a $871 fine rather than go to jail.
Butter the popcorn, Mama! We can hardly wait for the action hero adventure about that badass outlaw, Quinten Tarantino whipping out his checkbook and courageously pointing it at those nasty cops.
Tarantino wins the Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week award.
Last week, several readers filed legal briefs with the Justice Department because we only offered three chances during our new Match That Quote feature.
Apparently, the protestors are demanding that BA offer four choices in the name of multiculturalism.
Sorry, this is not Sweden, three is three and four is not.
This week's celebrity guest on Match That Quote is Mr. Confucius himself. You brave souls only have three chances to match the correct quote from the mouth or pen of The Big C.
However, we rigged the contest in another deceitful manner to appease the multiculturalists in the glorious name of the Stockholm Syndrome.
1. Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.
2. Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
3. When contemplating the frog, I often find myself scratching my ass.
*** BA bonus spoiler for the historically curious and those rogue members of the CIA, the NSA, and the FBI who can actually read:
The Fourth Amendment of the US Constitution
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Hasta Luego, Mes Amis!
November 22, 2015
The Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week Award
Bonjour Amigos!
Time for this week's hypocrite of the week award.
We are also are beginning a brand new weekly contest to challenge some of your idle neurons with our "Match That Quote," game.
No, this week's Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week was not Donald Trumper Thumper amending his "Wansee Conference" proposal from one of registering all Muslims to one of just a little spying on a few select mosques. That was not hypocrisy. That was a case of the Donald getting a whiff of his own fart and then trying to bottle it for public consumption.
Nor was the winner that friendly football match in Istanbul between those historic adversaries Greece and Turkey where a moment of silence for the victims of the Paris 13/11 massacre was interrupted by boos and shouts of "Allahu Akbar!" That was not hypocrisy. That was Turks being Turks and Muslims being Muslims. Hypocrisy would be Turkey applying for E.U. membership without ever owning up to its World War One genocide of over one million Armenians.
At the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Manila, Snoop Dogg Barry Obama, blessed be His name, delivered yet another one of his scintillating teleprompter recitals to the faithful toadies in the media who worship his every word, this time calling upon China to halt construction on reclaimed islands in the South China Sea.
Remember that congenial American democracy so devoted to serving the needs of its own citizens that it could not be dragged into World War II until the attack on Pearl Harbor? How things have changed.
It is difficult to pin down the exact number, but the US maintains hundreds of military bases in over sixty countries deploying over 250,000 personnel overseas. America's military budget is six times that of China.
Snoop Dogg Barry takes the frosting from this week's hypocrisy cake. Yum!
We have a sneaking suspicion this is not the last time Snoopy Doggy takes down this coveted prize before his eight years of self adoration comes to a merciful close. Don't let the door hit you in the ass, Barry!
Many of you have written to BA wondering why that trust-funder punk and war criminal, Georgieboy Whack-a-doodle Bushwhacker has never won our weekly devotion.
The only know cure for hypocrisy is cryogenic stupidity and Georgieboy was born into such an immaculately frozen state of stupidity that he is the only known case of a human being totally immune to this contagion.
At a later date, we will award that guileless, evil chimp poop a lifetime achievement award of equal status.
Now for our new weekly contest "Match That Quote!"
MATCH THAT QUOTE
Below are three quotes and you have three chances, only three, to match the auspicious person with the correct quote.
Milly Cyrus called in sick with neuro-herpes so Plato is our celebrity guest of the week.
Please match Plato with his own words.
1. In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.
2. He was a wise man who invented beer.
3. I never met a woman after midnight I could not fall in love with.
In the Holy name of politically correct multiculturalism everyone wins a prize so in case you missed that one with all three chances, here is a consolation question.
You get three brand new chances.
Direct from the smack mouth of that great American gangster John Dillinger when asked why he robbed banks:
1. That's where the crooks are.
2. That's where the money is.
3. I can never remember my PIN.***
*** Many of you are looking for the "All of the above" button, but in the Holy name of politically correct multiculturalism BA had to limit the choices to your exact number of chances so that everyone in the classroom gets to bring home a prize to show Mommy and Daddy.
Please feel free to share this blog post with your fearless hipster friends, if you have any left, who are not afraid of the PC police peering though the windows of their little world or of having the cultural arbiters of what is naughty and what is nice from pointing their snarky flamethrowers at them.
Until next week,
Hasta Luego Mes Amis.
Time for this week's hypocrite of the week award.
We are also are beginning a brand new weekly contest to challenge some of your idle neurons with our "Match That Quote," game.
No, this week's Bonjour Amigos Hypocrite of the Week was not Donald Trumper Thumper amending his "Wansee Conference" proposal from one of registering all Muslims to one of just a little spying on a few select mosques. That was not hypocrisy. That was a case of the Donald getting a whiff of his own fart and then trying to bottle it for public consumption.
Nor was the winner that friendly football match in Istanbul between those historic adversaries Greece and Turkey where a moment of silence for the victims of the Paris 13/11 massacre was interrupted by boos and shouts of "Allahu Akbar!" That was not hypocrisy. That was Turks being Turks and Muslims being Muslims. Hypocrisy would be Turkey applying for E.U. membership without ever owning up to its World War One genocide of over one million Armenians.
At the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Manila, Snoop Dogg Barry Obama, blessed be His name, delivered yet another one of his scintillating teleprompter recitals to the faithful toadies in the media who worship his every word, this time calling upon China to halt construction on reclaimed islands in the South China Sea.
Remember that congenial American democracy so devoted to serving the needs of its own citizens that it could not be dragged into World War II until the attack on Pearl Harbor? How things have changed.
It is difficult to pin down the exact number, but the US maintains hundreds of military bases in over sixty countries deploying over 250,000 personnel overseas. America's military budget is six times that of China.
Snoop Dogg Barry takes the frosting from this week's hypocrisy cake. Yum!
We have a sneaking suspicion this is not the last time Snoopy Doggy takes down this coveted prize before his eight years of self adoration comes to a merciful close. Don't let the door hit you in the ass, Barry!
Many of you have written to BA wondering why that trust-funder punk and war criminal, Georgieboy Whack-a-doodle Bushwhacker has never won our weekly devotion.
The only know cure for hypocrisy is cryogenic stupidity and Georgieboy was born into such an immaculately frozen state of stupidity that he is the only known case of a human being totally immune to this contagion.
At a later date, we will award that guileless, evil chimp poop a lifetime achievement award of equal status.
Now for our new weekly contest "Match That Quote!"
MATCH THAT QUOTE
Below are three quotes and you have three chances, only three, to match the auspicious person with the correct quote.
Milly Cyrus called in sick with neuro-herpes so Plato is our celebrity guest of the week.
Please match Plato with his own words.
1. In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in water there is bacteria.
2. He was a wise man who invented beer.
3. I never met a woman after midnight I could not fall in love with.
In the Holy name of politically correct multiculturalism everyone wins a prize so in case you missed that one with all three chances, here is a consolation question.
You get three brand new chances.
Direct from the smack mouth of that great American gangster John Dillinger when asked why he robbed banks:
1. That's where the crooks are.
2. That's where the money is.
3. I can never remember my PIN.***
*** Many of you are looking for the "All of the above" button, but in the Holy name of politically correct multiculturalism BA had to limit the choices to your exact number of chances so that everyone in the classroom gets to bring home a prize to show Mommy and Daddy.
Please feel free to share this blog post with your fearless hipster friends, if you have any left, who are not afraid of the PC police peering though the windows of their little world or of having the cultural arbiters of what is naughty and what is nice from pointing their snarky flamethrowers at them.
Until next week,
Hasta Luego Mes Amis.
November 19, 2015
Who is integrating whom?
There is a very interesting interview in today's Svenska Dagbladet with the prominent Parisian Imam Dhaou Meskine concerning tensions between France and its Muslim residents in the wake of the 13/11 massacre.
http://www.svd.se/imam-varnar-fler-da...
In response to calls to close some of the more radical mosques, Imam Meskine asserts that this evil does not come from the mosques. He states that extremism is the direct result of French society's mishandling of integration and that it has engendered a generation of young Muslims that is unemployed, homeless and lost and susceptible to extremist influences.
One might suggest that if you accept the Imam's argument that the host has the responsibility for integration and not the guest, then you are a serious candidate for The Stockholm Syndrome.
http://www.svd.se/imam-varnar-fler-da...
In response to calls to close some of the more radical mosques, Imam Meskine asserts that this evil does not come from the mosques. He states that extremism is the direct result of French society's mishandling of integration and that it has engendered a generation of young Muslims that is unemployed, homeless and lost and susceptible to extremist influences.
One might suggest that if you accept the Imam's argument that the host has the responsibility for integration and not the guest, then you are a serious candidate for The Stockholm Syndrome.
