David Vienna's Blog, page 155
March 26, 2017
Questionable Message
Boone: Wyatt's whispering in my ear.
Me: What's he saying?
Boone: He's saying, "I'm your conscience. Obey me."
March 25, 2017
Date night: Up close and personal with Old 97s.
Date night: Up close and personal with Old 97s.
March 21, 2017
The Horror Of Pixar’s “Cars”
I will now treat you to my dark theory about the world of Pixar’s Cars. This theory is largely (OK, solely) based on the first Cars film, but it makes the sequel and its offshoots horribly sinister.
When McQueen is staying the night at the Cozy Cone, the room is essentially a garage. He’s parked on the floor like a car…
But in that same film we see a car with a mattress strapped to its roof…
And though the cars have enabled devices such as gas pumps and doors to operate without the need of thumbs. Some things are just too complex to be built with all-weather radials for hands. Who made the flags that hang at Luigi’s? The intricate figurines for sale in Lizzie’s shop?
The answer: Humans.
Now here’s where my theory differs from other Unified Pixar Theories, which pose the possibility that the world of Cars exists in the distant future after Wall-E when technology has advanced to a point where machines have feelings, etc. In my theory, the humans that created the world of Cars STILL EXIST AS CAPTIVES!
The proof of this terrifying reality is that lone mattress. Why would a car need a mattress when we know they sleep in garage-like rooms? They don’t, but humans do. So if humans still exist to help build elaborate mechanisms of their automated overlords, Cars takes place in the NEAR future. But then where are they? Where are the people? Chained up in some kind of work camp, no doubt. The hidden missing cog that makes the world of Cars feasible.
And I’m not the only one who thinks there’s something awful going on in the Cars films. The Simpsons too it a step further…
In summation: The cars in Pixar’s Cars films keep the human race as slaves to build things for them with their opposable thumb-hands and/or eat them. And that means the cars in Cars are PURE EVIL.
March 19, 2017
First official pool day/Sharknado reenactment of the season.
First official pool day/Sharknado reenactment of the season.
March 15, 2017
When you’ve got it, flaunt it.
When you’ve got it, flaunt it.
Pssst…Hey…You guys…Y’know Otter Pops? Yeah,...
Pssst…
Hey…
You guys…
Y’know Otter Pops? Yeah, that weird popsicle-type thing from, like, the ‘70s…
Guys…
They’re made from nearly 100% real juice. And have no high fructose corn syrup. So if your kids want something sweet, this is kinda healthy-ish.
I mean, not really. Juice is still straight-up sugar. But it’s not bad sugar, y’know?
Plus they cost, like, $2 for a box of 500,000 or something.
Guys…
Summer’s coming…
Oh, just don’t try to use them as a garnish in your margarita unless you want a hangover that would drop a bear. Like I said, it’s still all sugar. And sugar + alcohol = nuclear headache.
But still…
Guys…
Pass it on…
Shhhh.
(Photo by Shindigs Girl)
March 13, 2017
Good Example
I’m at the boys’ track practice. While not all of the parents know each other, we know it’s a good group of people, like a family made up of acquaintances and strangers.
There’s a girl sitting near me in the bleachers, she looks about 10-years old maybe. I assume she’s waiting for a sibling to finish practice or maybe one of her parents is a coach. She’s reading some sort of sci-fi YA novel.
Just now, she turned to me and said, “Excuse me. What does ‘plagway’ mean?” I replied that I didn’t know. Then she slid over and showed me the word in the book: plague.
I said, “Oh, that’s 'plague.’” She asked what that meant and I explained it usually refers to a deadly illness that sweeps through a population. I even gave examples from the Black Plague thanks to some lingering memories of a high school history report I did as a sophomore.
She thanked me and went back to her book.
The fact that she wasn’t afraid to ask someone (in a safe environment) for help with something like that made me happy. She sets a good example:
1. Read.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
3. Read more.
March 10, 2017
You're the first dad blog I've found and you seem great. Where are the other cool dads on here?
Cool dads? There are none on Tumblr. We’re all goddamn nerds.
That said, just click around. You’ll find them.
Also, follow the #dumblr and #fatherhood tags. I’d say follow #daddy, too, but that’s mostly porn. Actually so is #fatherhood.
Y’know what? Just click around and… engage.
March 9, 2017
Bedtime Conversation With An 8-Year-Old
Wyatt: Papa?
Me: Yes, son.
Wyatt: I want to be rich.
Me: Well, clearly we're having two different conversations here.
March 3, 2017
I took her on a hike and now she’s just useless.
I took her on a hike and now she’s just useless.
