David Vienna's Blog, page 152

Leave it to me and @whithonea to come a nice city like San Diego...

Leave it to me and @whithonea to come a nice city like San Diego and find a dive bar. #TheNewKia

Guys…Wyatt won the Most Entertaining award at his school...

Guys…

Wyatt won the Most Entertaining award at his school science fair for his working night-vision goggles. I didn’t even know “most entertaining science project” was a thing, but if anyone’s going to win it, it’s Wyatt.

Boone was disappointed he didn’t win anything, but he was happy for his brother. Also, his Robo-Mouse 2.0 was a big hit with the fair attendees. We explained the difference between a crowd-pleaser and an award-winner and he seemed to get it.

Anyway, both are already planning their next projects, each in the same individual fields of study. Boone wants to make a more complex robot and Wyatt wants to make working suction cup gloves.

House a mess? You need a drink.My book Drinks for Mundane...

House a mess? You need a drink.

My book Drinks for Mundane Tasks shows you how to tackle everyday chores while getting a buzz on. And it’s available now. YES, NOW!

I know, you feel like the fates are smiling on you. They are.

And I think it goes without saying that it makes a super-rad Father’s Day gift. Oh, look. I went and said it anyway.

Get it at Amazon (the first shipment has already sold out and it now says more will be ready in a month or two, but they actually have the new shipment now and are restocking as we speak… or rather as I type) or Knock Knock (they don’t have the same restocking issue because they’re the publisher).

Don’t clean home without it. Or go ahead and clean without it, but it’ll be awful. Trust me.

That awkward moment when you and your wife are both so focused...

That awkward moment when you and your wife are both so focused on science fair projects and a school play and work presentations and book releases and a kid’s dentist appointment and planning summer trips that you both forget today is your 14th wedding anniversary.

Happy anniversary, Larissa. I love you more than stars. And I hope the traditional gift is leftover pasta because that’s what’s for dinner.

For anyone who was concerned, we salvaged what we could (which...

For anyone who was concerned, we salvaged what we could (which wasn’t much) and rebuilt Boone’s science fair project from scratch.

Mouse-Bot 2.0 LIVES!

Our dog has been exceptionally sweet since she straight-up fucking MURDERED Mouse-Bot 1.0. I guess we’ll keep the furry little psychopath.

Our motherfucking dog chewed up our son’s motherfucking...

Our motherfucking dog chewed up our son’s motherfucking science fair project, which he finished a week ahead of time and is due this motherfucking Tuesday.

In related news: Our dog is a fucking asshole.

Well, thanks to Tumblr’s craptastic tagging notification...

Well, thanks to Tumblr’s craptastic tagging notification code, I JUST saw @tacosaysroar tagged me some time ago in what I assume is a Stop Drop & Selfie post. And I just mentioned how I never seem to get tagged. Oh, the irony.

Anyway, here’s me getting all moody Hollywood with it.

Now I’m tagging @neuroticdad, @mamamusement, @allofthegorydetails-blog, @herblondness and @taylorswift.

5 Things I Love

I gotta say, I don’t get tagged often in these tagging things, so the fact that @trans-parenting tagged me in the 5 Things I Love thing is a real treat. Also, I’ve had some bourbon so bear with me. Here are five things I love…

1. The Idiot Trilogy. Now only my friends now what The Idiot Trilogy is, but we’re buds so I’ll let you in on it. The Idiot Trilogy is a set of movies that, to me, are some of the funniest films from my adolescence and they’re all kinda related thanks to cast/crew. The films are: Three Amigos; Clue; Spies Like Us. I watch each at least once a year and find them funnier each time.

2. California. I was born in LA, but right after that we moved to DC. In my 20s I moved around a lot and saw a lot of the country. No place felt like home (even DC) until I landed back in Cali. Sunshine, beaches, movies, medicinal weed. It’s amazing.

3. Music. I know, I know. You probably want a genre or era or (gasp!) a band. Truth is: I love every kind of music. My morning playlist includes 1940s swing, 1990s alt rock, 1950s jazz, 1970s rock, 1980s punk… it’s stupid eclectic.

4. Writing. Both of my parents are talented writers, so naturally I said I’d never be a writer. But as I finished college and found I was writing in my downtime to unwind, I realized it was in my blood—no point in denying it. Still, it took a while to find my groove. Like decades. Now I’ve got a bestseller under my belt and two more books on the way.

5. My family. Have you seen my boys? My wife? Holy living fuck, did I hit the lottery or what? I could talk about how they inspire me or pick me up when I’m blue—all of that is true. But, man, they make me laugh so much. My god, I’ve never laughed so much… I love them more than anything I could write, anything I could hear, anything I could see, anywhere I could be.

So there you go. And now I get to tag some folks, so I’ll tag @kidsraisingkids, @mommyakajenna, @dadarocks, @shuggilippo, and @taylorswift.

My 8-Year-Old Author

Boone: Look, I made a book about a frog.

Me: Oh, cool. How long is it?

Boone: Four pages. I want to sell it at bookstores.

Me: For how much? I'll buy one.

Boone: Ten dollars.

Me: There's no way that's worth ten dollars.

My science fair projects took as little effort as possible....

My science fair projects took as little effort as possible. Wyatt is building working night-vision goggles. Show off.