Evil Editor's Blog, page 347

Writing Exercise Results...

are in the posts below. The task was to write a scene in which Evil Editor consults his accountant at tax time.[image error]

Tax Time 6

"OK. Starting with the basics - standard business expenses, office rental, utilities, all that - looks mostly fine; stationery's a bit high -"

"Remember what sort of business I'm in?"

"Fair point. But there are some entries after that... well, there may be a problem."

"Such as?"

"Well, to take this first one... thermite paste?"

"Legitimate expense. For destroying manuscripts."

"I don't think they'll buy that. Everyone knows you use your laser vision to destroy manuscripts."

"Yeah, everyone knows. In...

Tax Time 5

Your taxes are almost done, EE. If we could just go over one of your deductions?

Which one is that?

This $160,000 charitable contribution for editing a novel.

That was for the Brenda Novak auction.

Yes, but I understand the item went for less than $3500.

I deducted what the item was worth, not what it brought in. We were in a recession. Who had 160 grand?

I see.

Look at it this way: Say the Louvre donated the Mona Lisa to the auction and it went for five thousand; it doesn't mean the painting's not ...

Tax Time 4

EE cleared his throat. "I did as you asked…kept every receipt."

Ray Freemont, CPA grunted and then pulled out a #2 pencil and began sharpening it. Ray wasn't the least bit happy about EE staying on as a client. Last year, he swore would be the last time he'd do the ogre's taxes and yet somehow…EE was here again.

EE pushed the first set of receipts to Ray, forcefully. "Here are the ones I believe will garnish the most return."

Ray scoped the first yellow slip, and then squawked, "A trip to Aruba?...

Tax Time 3

EE snapped his fingers, and the minions behind him filed into the office carrying trash bags of receipts. They piled them in a pyramid against the wall and headed outside to the palanquin; EE was trying to go green.

"All right, Mr. Kerflumble," he said. "Work your… weren't you one of the lawyers?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," replied Mr. Kerflumble, straightening his tie.

"Don't you guys usually specialize? I mean, tax law isn't the same as legal defense."

"Of course, sir, but we here at Dewey, Ch...

Tax Time 2

EE entered the grayish office, paper overflowing his arms. He dropped the yellowish pile of papers onto his accountant's grayish desk and settled into the armchair with a thump. He wheezed like a broken squeaky toy and spoke.

The year my start-up business, mini socks as nose and penis warmers, failed, I was sitting in church praying for my own good, I heard the organ intone the chords to 'It came upon a midnight clear' and I know that the choir sang 'They come on April fifteenth my dear to tak...

Tax Time 1

There seem to be a few irregularities in these deductions.

Really?

Yes. We'll have to go through them one-by-one. . .'Daisy SilverSpank'?

Stripper.

And, she's a business expenses because you take publishers on power lunches . . .

Hell no. I wouldn't take a publisher to see Daisy. I wouldn't offend her like that. Stress reduction therapy. See, I get unsolicited manuscripts from wanna-be writers and I have this slush pile of trash to read . . . and Daisy makes me feel better.

I'm sure she does . ...

Saturday Film Series

Face-Lift 743

Guess the Plot

Retribution's Flame

1. Carrie Holmes rules the multimillion dollar world of vanity magazine publishing. When her rival Justin Kerr outmaneuvers her and buys 51% of her business, Carrie vows to stop at nothing to get her company back . . . even if it means unleashing the fire-breathing dragon she has staked in her cellar.

2. The concept of retribution has a problem: it's in love...with hunger. But hunger is a bodily signal, not a concept, and doesn't feel the same. Will retribution...

Cartoon 602

Caption: Stacy

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