Evil Editor's Blog, page 313
July 4, 2010
Writing Exercise Results . . .

are in the posts below. The task was to write a scene using an opening sentence taken from a list provided by the Evil Minions.[image error]
Published on July 04, 2010 07:32
Choose Your Opening Challenge 16
His considerable girth hung over a straining belt, his eyes were blood-shot, or seemed to be, but it was the prominent, (and somewhat bizarre), facial hair which I fixated on.
"See something funny, kid?" He snapped, dragging me out of my reverie.
"N-no," I replied, and worried myself that that was the wrong answer. "I mean… Am I supposed to be looking for something funny?"
This had seemed like a good way to earn some cash -- just enough to get me through graduating year. Not bad for the resume e...
"See something funny, kid?" He snapped, dragging me out of my reverie.
"N-no," I replied, and worried myself that that was the wrong answer. "I mean… Am I supposed to be looking for something funny?"
This had seemed like a good way to earn some cash -- just enough to get me through graduating year. Not bad for the resume e...
Published on July 04, 2010 07:30
Choose Your Opening Challenge 15
Wives were more difficult than husbands, so Ernest put on his best solemn face, coughed, and said, "Of course the bronze lid is an option."
Mrs. Gumbo said, "And how much more will it cost with the bronze lid?"
"Eighteen thousand," Ernest replied. "It's a lot, but there are some things you can't put a price on."
'That's true, Mrs. Gumbo admitted, "but this isn't one of them. We'll take the porcelain toilet lid."
--Evil Editor (1st sentence: Anon.)[image error]
Mrs. Gumbo said, "And how much more will it cost with the bronze lid?"
"Eighteen thousand," Ernest replied. "It's a lot, but there are some things you can't put a price on."
'That's true, Mrs. Gumbo admitted, "but this isn't one of them. We'll take the porcelain toilet lid."
--Evil Editor (1st sentence: Anon.)[image error]
Published on July 04, 2010 07:28
Choose Your Opening Challenge 14
Timmy's breakfast consisted of two burned muffins, a raw egg, his Auntie Ena--dug from her grave--and half a grapefruit.
The burned muffins smelled funny, and the raw egg had a blood spot on it. Timmy ate the grapefruit, but passed the rest to his Aunt.
"Thank you, Timmy Pootzi," Auntie rasped, using her special term of endearment for him. "What a nice boy you are, Auntie's little darling." She tried to chew the muffins down, but they hadn't left her dentures in when they'd buried her, so she p...
The burned muffins smelled funny, and the raw egg had a blood spot on it. Timmy ate the grapefruit, but passed the rest to his Aunt.
"Thank you, Timmy Pootzi," Auntie rasped, using her special term of endearment for him. "What a nice boy you are, Auntie's little darling." She tried to chew the muffins down, but they hadn't left her dentures in when they'd buried her, so she p...
Published on July 04, 2010 07:26
Choose Your Opening Challenge 13
Deep in Thruuum-Graar-Graar, by the mighty river Gruum-Thraar-Thraaaar, unicorn nobles crossed horns, satyr captains knocked hooves. Dwarves shook spades, elves scattered spells, giants growled. Deeper still, under the hill, the Evil One and his minions lurked darkly and plotted plots. And deep, deep in Thruuum-Graar-Graar, by the mighty river Gruum-Thraar-Thraar, soon stalked their secret weapon, a mighty, wicked war-band of zombie weredingos.
The unicorn nobles never knew what hit them.
--...
The unicorn nobles never knew what hit them.
--...
Published on July 04, 2010 07:23
Choose Your Opening Challenge 12
'Elvis's penis?' cried the time traveling cyber-cop.
"Yeah? Well, I've got Nixon's nose!" shouted the robo-cook.
"Oh yeah? Beat this!"
We all stared at the diamond Bitchin' Body Parts card the Kid had slapped onto the table, shocked.
No way we could beat Evil Editor's muttonchops.
--Khazar-khum (1st sentence: Whirlochre)[image error]
"Yeah? Well, I've got Nixon's nose!" shouted the robo-cook.
"Oh yeah? Beat this!"
We all stared at the diamond Bitchin' Body Parts card the Kid had slapped onto the table, shocked.
No way we could beat Evil Editor's muttonchops.
--Khazar-khum (1st sentence: Whirlochre)[image error]
Published on July 04, 2010 07:22
Choose Your Opening Challenge 11
Ducks don't do that — but this one did.
Zack Martinez reread his notes. A duck running around, laughing, screaming, dancing, all the while making life miserable for a poor shlub who just wanted to go to bed. It didn't make sense. The whole thing was daffy.
--Khazar-khum (1st sentence: Whirlochre)[image error]
Zack Martinez reread his notes. A duck running around, laughing, screaming, dancing, all the while making life miserable for a poor shlub who just wanted to go to bed. It didn't make sense. The whole thing was daffy.
--Khazar-khum (1st sentence: Whirlochre)[image error]
Published on July 04, 2010 07:20
Choose Your Opening Challenge 10
"The will, quite deliberately, leaves you nothing."
Twenty people produced a collective gasp and then total silence. Meditation Master Chen then intoned, "The mind will cause you to think of nothing."
Again the room went silent, each person listening to the sound that rushing blood makes while pumping through the veins in their ears. The contemplation lasted for several minutes and then James stood up from his sitting position and said, "That's got to be the worst mantra I've ever heard! Who wr...
Twenty people produced a collective gasp and then total silence. Meditation Master Chen then intoned, "The mind will cause you to think of nothing."
Again the room went silent, each person listening to the sound that rushing blood makes while pumping through the veins in their ears. The contemplation lasted for several minutes and then James stood up from his sitting position and said, "That's got to be the worst mantra I've ever heard! Who wr...
Published on July 04, 2010 07:18
Choose Your Opening Challenge 9
He was a vampire, I was naked and it was Christmas. That's what I get being the best personal trainer to the stars when the star is the next Dracula on the silver screen and he's a real vampire. EE wanted a Jacob as vampire and for a writer with 300 years of middle age spread, Mister Fangs became my assignment.
"It's cold in here," he said.
"It's a shower room. You got something I don't got?" I asked. He smiled, his fangs sparkling in the harsh light. "Besides that?" I could see him hesitate. H...
"It's cold in here," he said.
"It's a shower room. You got something I don't got?" I asked. He smiled, his fangs sparkling in the harsh light. "Besides that?" I could see him hesitate. H...
Published on July 04, 2010 07:16
Choose Your Opening Challenge 8
He was a vampire, I was naked, and it was Christmas. Lying near me were three corpses who found out too late ordinary knives weren't much good against a real, live vampire. I assumed I was next.
"Must be a problem for you," I said, "what with it being Christmas and all...all those crosses to look at."
"Actually," he said, "I used to be a priest so crosses don't bother me at all. And, not to upset your Protestant sensibilities, if you have any, but it's a crucifix that affects vampires. You have...
"Must be a problem for you," I said, "what with it being Christmas and all...all those crosses to look at."
"Actually," he said, "I used to be a priest so crosses don't bother me at all. And, not to upset your Protestant sensibilities, if you have any, but it's a crucifix that affects vampires. You have...
Published on July 04, 2010 07:14
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