Evil Editor's Blog, page 308

New Beginning 768

I woke up naked.

But that was only half my problem.

I was laying naked outside, in a corn field, freezing. I could feel the cold, hard ground beneath me; my body felt as though every bone in it had been broken, at least twice. The taste of blood in my mouth nearly rivaled all my physical pains, but my brain was going through its own form of torture trying to remember why I was outside, without a stitch on in the middle of November in northern Illinois.

I cracked my eyes open. My breath came out ...

Cartoon 690

Caption: Evil Editor

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Cartoon 692

Caption: Evil Editor

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Face-Lift 798

Guess the Plot

Elizadeath

1. When Death takes a holiday, he leaves his scythe in a safe place behind the dresser. But Elizabeth, the put-upon perfectionist cleaning lady, finds it and goes on a "holiday" of her own. Can Death get his job back?

2. Elizabeth is having one lousy fifteenth birthday, mostly because of the hitman who killed her. Now she's awakened in the morgue, and the hitman wants to turn her from the living dead to the dead dead. It's beginning to look like she won't make it to h...

Cartoon 689

Caption: Khazar-khum

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Writing Exercise Results . . .

are in the posts below. The task was to write a scene in which any author from history pitches a book to Evil Editor.

Historical Pitch Session 3

Good morning, sir. And my I say, you look quite dashing in your--

Cut to the chase. What's the title?

Dracula.

Christ.

It's the name of the key character.

Who is he? Or she?

He's a vampire.

A what?

He's an undead man who drinks human blood by sucking it from people's throats.

Whattaya mean, "undead"? Is he alive?

Not exactly.

Then he's dead. I get it, you figured no one would read a book about a dead guy so you call him undead. Clever. And I say "clever" in the hope that you recognize sarcasm when you h...

Historical Pitch Session 2

Rory Jakalya pitchman for the Late-Night Products stood in front of EE's desk. "I propose a tale of the future told by those who lived through it. Some day in the future, historians will report what today seems inconsequential and on an equally inconsequential day and in the future -- say fifty, one hundred or more years -- the event will reach such proportions that sphincters will tighten like steel vices, hard enough to make diamonds."

"That a little vague," EE said.

"Readers are used to nove...

Historical Pitch Session 1

September 19, 1911


"greet pleasure with hopefulstares upon stairsyourstairs."

The man smiled and took off his hat.

"What in the hell was that?" asked evil editor.

"e e we see mirrored initials uponeachothers. eye."

"Good Lord, not another poet. Mister... Cummings is it?"

"Is are they are ring true."

"Well thank you for..." EE smirked. "for coming. But I thought you were from Harvard's Business School. I'm sorry mr. cummings, but I'm going to have to insist you get the H. ee LL out of here."

the poet ...

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