Evil Editor's Blog, page 306

New Beginning 770

The war ended when the sky exploded like a month of sunrises, turning from blues and yellows to violets and poisonous greens. A second sun shone before the blast wave hit, bending the trees, shaking the ground.

His instruments glitched as the magnetics swirled outward from the imploding FTL drive. Sammy shut down, disconnected his power cell and curled his armor around him like an old-earth armadillo. Life or death, regardless, he'd know in a few minutes. The shadow of Tobald the Warrior intru...

Cartoon 694

Caption: Angie

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Writing Exercise Results . . .

are in the posts below. The task was to choose one of the greatest opening sentences in the history of fiction (from a provided list) and use it to open a scene involving Evil Editor.[image error]

Grand Opening 6

It was a wrong number that started it, the telephone ringing three times in the dead of night, and the voice on the other end asking for someone he was not. A semi-conscious EE and a drunk-as-a-skunk homeboy searching, in the dark, for a meeting of minds.

"Yo Joe?"

"Ain't no Joe. I gotta cuppa Joe but ain't no Joe."

"Is dis da Pizza Place?"

"We're out of anchovies."

"No anchovies? Even Gitmo got anchovies. What kid of black ops you running there Joe."

"I told ya, ain't no Joe here."

"I knows dis is ...

Grand Opening 5

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.

Miss V glanced up from her desk. It was the day she had both hoped and feared would come, the day that prophets said would come, the day everything changed and the end of the world drew nigh.

Today was the day that Evil Editor accepted everything that crossed his desk.

--Khazar-khum (first sentence: George Orwell, 1984)

Grand Opening 4

Dr. Weiss, at forty, knew that her life had been ruined by literature. Literally. Or least the man who embodied literature. Evil Editor was the next psychiatric patient on her schedule, and he was one neurotic, dissatisfied, grumpy sonuvabitch. She hoped he hadn't read through any of that-- what had he called it... "slush pile" since their last session.

If she heard another whiny sniffle about dangling participles, Dr. Weiss would commit herself to an institution. She didn't even know what the...

Grand Opening 3

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. But there's more to it than the fortune. How did he get the fortune? Mafia? Well, that narrows the sort of wife he'll want. Government? Well, can you see sweet Bessie Lou next door matched with Bill Clinton?

Actually, bad example. Moving on, it also depends on the particular qualities of a man. There's no match for the Joker quite like Harley Quinn. And for people like Hilary a...

Grand Opening 2

I am an invisible man. Damn, I'm so excited!

Yesterday, I got my cloak of invisibility in the mail from an eBay bid. It's an amazing piece of technology and not a bad fit either. At this very moment, unbeknownst to Evil Editor, CEO of Evil Publishers, I'm hidden in his fancy, schmancy Park Avenue office.

"J.B, stop sending me this garbage! I've got mountains of it already."

He's not nearly as good-looking as I expected him to be. Someone should tell him to get that big wart removed.

"I told you, ...

Grand Opening 1

It was the day my grandmother exploded. And yet, surprisingly, it was not the explosion itself, nor even the way her liver hit the ceiling and stuck, hanging over the mashed potatoes like the sword of Damocles leaking blood like pan drippings from a rare rump roast that made the day memorable to me. Nor was it the fact that all of the potatoes got eaten anyway (more as a tribute to grandma, who had prepared them, than as a testament to their flavor, which was a bit more salty and coppery than...

Saturday Film Series