Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 52

Effing Feline Googles himself

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I, Effing Feline, figured out last week that I must have sisters. I’ve started searching for them. Imagine how awed they’ll be when they learn that I, the world’s most literary cat, am their brother! But I’m having trouble finding them. Can you believe that Google is utterly useless when it comes to searching for cats by name?

It’s not useless for me, of course. Googling “Effing Feline” (with the quotation marks so the search doesn’t pick up ‘feline’ alone) returns 4830 hits.

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As I keep telling everyone, I’m world famous!!!! If you don’t believe me, search for yourself.

Okay, the fun stuff is over — back to a snippet from Ed’s sci fi romance, Escapee, featuring the most lovable of ugly pets, the skoot. A storm with winds of 180 mph has crashed their  airship despite Catt’s best attempt to land.

Hector zig-zagged toward consciousness like a drunken balloon, floating ever upward on the draft of Catt’s kiss. No, Catt wasn’t kissing him; she licked him, instead — on the eyelids. Her tongue was rough and her breath was vile.

Oh — it was the skoot, not Catt. “Get away from me.”

When he shoved it away, it yelped. Instead of running, it whined and dragged a broken rear leg across the floor. This place smelled funny, like spilled food and fear, and it was noisy, too, like . . . like a place that should be familiar.

Suddenly, he knew where he was. On Escapee, which had overturned and yet somehow landed right side up.

Effing Feline here again. Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.

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Escapee is a finalist for the 2017 RONE Award for science fiction, so next weekend I’ll be in Burbank, California, for InD’tale Magazine’s InD’Scribe Con and Book Festival. The RONE award ceremony will be Saturday night. Wish me luck!

Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space


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Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station). If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile world, you’ll love Escapee.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

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The Tribulations of Tompa Lee is on sale for only 99c in this month’s promotion run by Patty Jansen. Check out the science fiction adventure section.

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To Be or Not to Be #mfrwauthor

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Once again, here’s the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop. For  week 40, the writing prompt is:

Favorite Book Quotes

This is a hard one for me, because I’m not a quotation kind of guy. You might even say that frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn about quotations. I had to decide, then, whether this week’s blog post was to be, or not to be.

But it is a truth universally acknowledged that I’ve been pretty faithful about this series of posts, so I’d better write something. It may be the best of posts, it may be the worst of posts, but it’s a post — and neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this writer from completing his work.

But what to write? Sometimes I feel like I’m always writing the same old thing: boy meets girl. And you know the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This time, though, I’m going to make the NY Times bestseller list — so what does that say about me?

But I’ve rambled enough.  I’m afraid I made this post longer than necessary because I lack the time to make it shorter.

What about you?

Check out the inspiring quotation from other writers taking part in this blog hop.

SFR Brigade Showcase – No bunny rabbits, please

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Once a month, the Science Fiction Romance Brigade’s showcase enables the brigade’s authors to highlight snippets from new works, WIPs, cover reveals or other fun things.

My fun thing is fun for me, though I don’t know about anyone else:

I’m a grouchy curmudgeon!

[image error]Some mornings (not too many, I hope), I wake up with a growl in my throat. Like today. And DON’T tell me to grab a coffee, because I don’t drink the stuff, so quit bugging me, okay?!?

I’m going to share a dark little secret. Don’t tell anyone. It might get me kicked out of SFWA:

I disliked The Lord of the Rings.

Not the movies — they were great, lots of guys died. The books.

I read the trilogy when I was in university, and was never tempted to return to them even though I’m a compulsive re-reader. The boring descriptions went on and on and on and on and on and on . . . but that wasn’t the books’ fatal flaw. Nope. It was the villains.

[image error]The heroes each killed an average of 72,819.7 orcs, while suffering how many casualties? Oh yeah: one. And the book makes clear that Boromir didn’t die because the orcs were good fighters, but as penance for having succumbed to the temptation of taking the ring.

You know the old saying, “Show, don’t tell?” Well, Tolkien tells us that the orcs and their allies are fierce. But what does he show us?

Orcs are as dangerous as bunny rabbits.

Baby bunny rabbits.

When Gandalf was killed by Balrog, I remember cheering out loud. Finally, a worthy villain!

But then Tolkien ruined everything by bringing Gandalf back to life.

Sigh.

I learned my lesson

Back when I read The Lord of the Rings, I had no intention of becoming a writer, yet I learned an important writing lesson that I’ve applied in all my stories:

Show, don’t tell.

If the villains are supposed to be more powerful than the heroes, show their power. Don’t just tell us about it.

This leads me to my personal corollary of Show, don’t tell. I sure wish Tolkien had known it:

For villains to be worthy opponents, there must be casualties.

Maybe not deaths, but casualties of some sort. Maybe the casualties won’t even draw blood, yet the potential for pain must be real. If your heroes are battling evil, evil must be powerful:

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Do I follow my own advice?

That’s for you to decide. Read my books. Let me know if I have any bunny rabbits.

The Tribulations of Tompa Lee, on sale during Patty Jansen’s latest cross promotion, is a good place to start. The villains are bloodthirsty aliens who look like miniature tyrannosauruses. And while I’m not JRR Martin, there are casualties.

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And of course, check out the other great writers taking part in the  Science Fiction Romance Brigade’s showcase.

 

First page review: Secrets of Love and War

[image error]Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors First Page Review blog hop. During the month of October, you can get feedback on what readers of the first page of your WIP or novel, published or unpublished — and, more importantly, give feedback to others. No more than first 1,000 words though. Don’t want to make this too onerous.

This month-long blog hop is meant to answer one simple question. After reading your first 1,000 words, would a person continue reading it?

I’m presenting the first two (not one!) pages of a pretty raw WIP tentatively titled Secrets of Love and War. The first draft of this science fiction romance is done, but it needs a lot of rewriting. Here’s the opening.

Chapter One: Peace for All Species

The first sign of trouble was soul-shaking thunder at the exact instant Cynthia O’Connor’s wading boot kissed the surface of Twisted Lizard Lagoon. She stared stupidly. Her foot, too slender for most shoes, couldn’t possibly have caused the roar.

The sky was clear, so it couldn’t have been thunder. A sonic boom? She’d grown up with those nerve-shattering bellows at Dad’s pub near the spaceport on Kintle-Tilene, the home world she shuddered to think of.  But here? . Not even incoming spaceships were allowed to create sonic booms near this idyllic city. Might ruin Riksidia’s calm ambience of ancient, civilized beauty.

As she was turning to reassure the girl with her, another shattering burst demolished all thoughts. Then a third, fourth, fifth, sixth tore through her ears, until she lost count and the lagoon’s placid calm vanished as an army of ripples goose-stepped over it.

And that could mean only one thing.

“War comes?” shrieked her clan-sister, Kaushelle. The girl hunched over and covered her earpads with saucer-like hands. Riksids’ ears were less sensitive than humans’, but Kaushelle had just begun adolescence, which was just as uncertain and timid an age for a Riksid as for a human.

Cynthia reached for Kaushelle’s arm but lost her balance, instead. She splashed to the cold, soft mud, landing on her backside with face raised to the war-torn heavens.

With her ears and mind numbed, vision focused on the heavens. Flashes blossomed here and there, cute, innocent fireflies of light that vanished as quickly as they arrived.  Nothing threatening…yet. The sky above was an opaque sheet of clouds hiding behind the lacelike branches of a gourdwillow tree, with a bright green lorzential dangling from a branch. The rare lichen was as an excellent gauge of nitrogen oxide and sulfur oxide pollution, and since her current job was taking care of the park’s vegetation, she should note the lorzential’s location so she could…

No, no, stupid thought, irrelevant. More sonic booms exploded as the unseen enemy invaded the sky.

“So soon?” Kaushelle screamed. “Your people reach us so soon?”

Cynthia pulled one hand from the muck’s embrace, then the other, dripping a torrent of muddy water as she scrambled upright. “They aren’t my people, you are.” She was Riksid only by adoption, but that counted for more than sordid little genes.

“I meant no insult, but why here? The conflict is about your home world, not here. War was promised never to reach the capital.” The screech of sirens and the pounding of explosions put the lie to that promise. “What do we do, what do we do?”

Yes, what to do? For several heart-thumping moments, the cacophony of war drove rational thought from Cynthia’s mind. Then, as though thinking through pudding, she groped toward the only honorable goal.

Her public job was park curator, but her private role in the familium had always been childcare. In her selfish moments, she daydreamed of saving a child to repay the familium…and to prove she could handle larger tasks. So save Kaushelle. Get the girl to safety.

Her daydreams, though, were quieter than this.  Less dangerous, too.

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That’s the current incarnation. What’s your verdict? Would you keep reading? Why or why not? Anything that helps me improve this piece is greatly appreciated!

Check out the first pages by other great Weekend Writing Warriors.

Effing Feline has great litter

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I, Effing Feline, just learned that I have sisters. Sisters! I feel like I’ve slept leapt onto the pages of one of my pet human’s books. Talk about a plot twist.

I know this because Google says cats have more than one kitten in a litter — but clearly, no other males could stand comparison with me. Ergo ipso factotem,  I must have sisters. Many sisters. Google also says the record for kittens in a litter is 19, but the Gooey folks don’t know about me. Clearly, my litter would have to be the greatest ever.

Okay, the fun stuff is over — back to a snippet from Ed’s sci fi romance, Escapee featuring the most lovable of ugly pets, the skoot. Skipping ahead a bit, Catt and Hank have fallen in love while making the long journey to attack the invader’s headquarters, filled with 10,000 enemies. Here Hank proves he’s a nice guy and really love Catt — by making out his will.  Can you guess who he’s naming as his heirs?

“Hank, you don’t have to do this.”

“I want to. Who else am I going to name as my beneficiary?”

“Gee, I don’t know. How about your brother or sister or your parents? A pet mizzet? Your favorite charity?”

“Duke has a great job on Farflung Station, Helen is the stingiest person alive even though she’s rich, my parents are both generals, and their combined pensions alone make them richer than most of your hated patroons. I’m allergic to mizzets, and my friend the skoot doesn’t need money. My favorite charity is, I suddenly find, your family.”

Effing Feline here again. I’m considering going in search of my sisters. Think I should?

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.

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Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space


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Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station). If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile world, you’ll love Escapee.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

 

Struck dumb . . . not! #MFRWauthor

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Once again, here’s the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop. For  week 39, the writing prompt is:

Words to Live By

This is one of those topics that seems to have no clear interpretation. Does it mean quotations? Words of wisdom? Good books? I live by words, yet words to live by conjures such massive chaos of possibilities that I’m struck dumb.

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Okay, I found my tongue. (Whaddya know, it was  in my mouth all the time.)

I still can’t think of one or even several sets of words that by themselves are sufficient to live by.  Not even one or two books that cover everything. So, a few random bits of flotsam and jetsam that happen to pop into my head.

The Golden Rule is certainly full of words that are great to live by.
Love thy neighbor as thyself? Nope, I’m not a good enough person to live by this rule.
When it comes to writing romance, I rely on the maxim that men and women and infinitely more alike than we are different.
The same is true for people from other cultures. Most people want pretty much the same things I/we do. People from crime-ravaged ghettos? Or our enemy, whomever the leaders say that is at the moment? They aren’t the animals TV and movies portray them to be.
When people diverge from the above, a few reasons are mental problems like psychopathy or (and this is a bigger one, because it involves crowds, not individuals) when people become sheep and turn over their thinking to a politician, set of beliefs, or ‘strong man’ (or woman). Every historic evil arises from beliefs run amok — and our best institutions, such as religion and love of country, are most easily perverted.

[image error]How on Earth did I get from the Gold Rule to the nature of evil? Ah well, such is the end-state of open-ended questions.

I guess maybe I do have some adages to live by. Four of them, in fact:

Think for yourself!
Think of others, not only yourself!
Be ever watchful for intolerance and evil hiding inside our best impulses. Evil isn’t out there in a tower somewhere, or in another nation or ethnic group. It’s inside us!
Most important of all: buy my books!

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What about you?

What are your words to live by? Check out the other writers taking part in this blog hop, some of whom are bound to be far wise than I.

A bomb eager to remove her appendix #mfrwbookhooks

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Welcome to the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop, Book Hooks. Writers share a short snippet of their works to entice you.

Rescuing Prince Charming is a science fiction romance that will be available for pre-order soon.  The MS was a finalist in the Land of Enchantment RWA’s Rebecca contest — which I hope bodes well for sales.

In this hook the American heroine and alien hero, strangers to each other, have found a time bomb planted by saboteurs in Earth’s first starship, under construction with the help of alien Kwadrans. How’s that for starting a relationship off with a bang?

They’re now racing against time to get rid of the bomb before it explodes.

Behind her, the Kwadran’s footsteps banged down the starship’s metal ramp. “Where are you heading?”

He wasn’t even breathing hard. Dusty wanted to kiss him for his bravery and his conditioning. “Terrace,” she said. From there, she could throw the bomb into the ocean. She ran toward the only natural light in the huge cavern, where a pair of sliding glass doors led to a patio overlooking a fiord. “Time?”

“Seventy-eight seconds.”

Oh, God. It was still a long way to the doors. She tried to be a heroine and what did she get? A ticking time bomb eager to remove her appendix.

On the bright side, she couldn’t have asked for a sexier, more valiant companion on that long tunnel into the light. Rattled by fear, she’d called him arrogant, a jerk, and an idiot, but he was none of those. Well, maybe arrogant; he was, after all, Kwadran.

“Open…the door,” she panted.

He grunted with the effort of speeding up to pass her. His buttocks flexed with each step. When he reached the sliding doors, he yanked the handle.

Nothing happened. Except, of course, that a few more seconds ticked off the bomb’s timer. And her life.

Be sure to check out the book hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.

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Rescuing Prince Charming will be the fourth book set in the Alien Contact for Idiots world. Here are the others:

Alien Contact for Idiots  — What’s a woman gonna do when she’s quarantined with an out-of-this world alien?
Alien Contact for Kid Sisters  — Fleeing rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her … or is he kidnapping her?
Newborn  — She was born to kill … not to love.

Effing Feline’s unfaves

I, Effing Feline, told you last week about some of my favorite things. Now some unfaves:

dogs
cats that are cuter than me
people who think other cats are cuter than me
food that isn’t meat or fish
dogs

And now, a snippet from Ed’s sci fi romance, Escapee, featuring the beloved skoot. Captain Dukelsky wants Catt to risk her life by flying her around their world to attack enemy headquarters. After a night of introspection, she has a change of heart.

“I’ll do it,” she said in a firm, prim voice.

Dukelsky stopped just outside the ‘fresher door, sleep dulling his expression and shadowing his eyes. Claws scrambling, the skoot and the kitten raced each other to reach him first. The skoot won and danced around him on its four hind legs, tongue slathering the air.

“I said, I’ll do it,” she repeated.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Does this mean you had the same dream I did?”

“Pardon?” Glancing at the front of his shorts, her neck and face warmed in a blush.

Effing Feline here again. Did I mention I don’t like dogs?

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.

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Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space


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Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station). If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile world, you’ll love Escapee.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

 

Utrecht and Amsterdam

I love the great photography here of Amsterdam, where my oldest son lives, and Utrecht, which he, like the photographer, thinks is even nice.

kirilson photography

Venue: Central Amsterdam and central Utrecht

Lens: Nikkor 50 mm f/1.4

Music: Guus Meeuwis – Het is een nacht (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOy76zw0TrQ)

A few weeks ago I promised you an extended post from the Netherlands with plenty of bikes and canals, and here it comes! I had the opportunity to visit shortly Amsterdam and Utrecht and take some of the usual touristy photos, but the number of different bikes, boats, and canals I shot is so big that I am only going to show you a small fraction of my photos while still risking getting you bored.  So you’re warned of the coming typical Dutch scenery, which I myself find quite charming and slightly nostalgic (I used to live in Utrecht in my youth).

We start our tour in Amsterdam, which doesn’t need much introduction or advertisement. The larger boats on the photo are actually houses one can rent in exchange for a substantial amount of money each month. Not that the actual Dutch houses on the other side of the street are any cheaper.

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Fire and ice #mfrwauthor

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Once again, here’s the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop. For  week 38, the writing prompt is:

The Best Parts of Each Season

As an adult, I’ve lived in two very different climates. I decided to compare the southern Arizona desert with British Columbia’s cold Canadian Rockies. That’s two sets of seasons for price of one. What a deal!

Winter

AZ — In a word: nirvana. Winter is by far the best season here. True winter is rainy and perhaps two weeks long. There’s a chance of frost once or twice a year and snow every few years. The best part is Christmas, because the whole family is almost always together despite being scattered across the globe. Last year, the clan flew 9157 miles, per Google — one way! And that’s not even counting spouse and significant other. You know what I should as for for Christmas? Airline company stock.

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Snow, everywhere snow

BC — In a word: endless snow. Yeah, that’s two words, but one word doesn’t do it justice. Winter in the northern Rockies (northern even for Canada, that is) is looong and snowy. The best part is when it gets really cold. Cloudy, snowy Pacific air is replaced by clear, dry arctic air. Believe it or not, 20 or 25 below zero is the best weather for snowshoeing, skiing or driving. (Christmas was great too, but not quite so special because the kids hadn’t left the nestyet.)

Spring
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Most of the year, ocotillo plants look like dead sticks

AZ — In a word: ominous. There isn’t a separate spring season; it’s winter at the beginning and an oven at the end. Pleasant temperatures keep getting hotter. And hotter. And hotter. The latter half of spring is hotter than most place’s summer. By the time summer officially starts, I’m thoroughly sick of it. The best part is March, when the sun won’t yet fry eggs on the sidewalk. That’s some of the best walking weather, and the plants haven’t yet shriveled to brown.

BC — In a word: late. Winter extends well into spring. One year, the snow didn’t disappear from around the house until the end of May, though March or April was more common. The best part was when the snow was gone from everywhere except the mountains, where it belongs. A close second was Victoria Day in late May, when it was safe to start planting the garden. No vegetables taste as good as those you’ve grown yourself.

 Summer

AZ — In a word: endless hell. Yeah, that’s two words, but like the BC winter, one word just isn’t enough. Since I’ve lived here, every summer is the hottest on record. (That’s an exaggeration, but not by much.) When I moved here, the all-time heat record for Tucson was 111. That record’s been beaten 16 or 19 times since, depending on which source you believe. My brother-in-law used to say northerners came here in the winter and thought they’d gone to heaven, but if they returned in the summer, they realized they went the other way. The best part is that it’s a dry heat. Sweat evaporates almost instantly, so you don’t feel damp and smelly. Sweat by itself doesn’t stink, you know — it’s the microscopic thingies that grow in the sweat when it lingers on your skin.

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The author at Lake Louise

BC — In a word: short. Spring’s cloudy weather extends well into official summer. True summer is perhaps a month long, with dry, sunny heat. We reached 100 most years, though only for a day or two. The best part was when school let out in late June. You see, I went straight from being a student to being a teacher. Northerners often break out their shorts when it’s still cold, trying to rush the beginning of glorious summer.

Fall
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The author’s front yard at sunset

AZ — In a word: late. There’s no clear break between summer and fall. Temps gradually cool , with the emphasis on gradually. I wrote this in mid-September’ we’re hitting 100 every day — and yesterday was 106, breaking yet another record. The best part is when it’s cool enough to exercise outside again after months of walking around and around the mall. If it’s in the high 80’s, the air feels great because the low humidity .

BC — In a word: colorful. There’s a clear break between summer and fall. In September the birch and aspen trees turn golden and the nights get cool(er). The dominant evergreen forest stays dark green, of course. The best part is the first snowfall on the mountaintops. Between the gold and dark green down below and white on the mountains, it’s camera time.

What about you?

What do you like about your seasons? Check out the weather-wise writers taking part in this blog hop.

[image error]On the writing front, I have two nuggets of news.

I learned last night that my WIP, Rescuing Prince Charming, is a finalist in the Rebecca Contest, run by the  Land of Enchantment Romance Authors. (For easterners, Land of Enchantment is the license plate motto of New Mexico.)
Two of my books are included in the Sci-fi Romance cross promotion (below). Alien Contact for Idiots is free and Newborn is on sale for 99c

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