Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 54

Effing Feline acts nice

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, shall continue to soften my image by telling you more cat jokes.

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? She set a new lap record.
What has more lives than a cat? A frog. It croaks every night.
What side of a cat has the most fur? The OUTside.

See?  I am a nice, pleasant cat after all.

After that round of hilarity, I’ll now destroy your happiness by sharing another snippet from Mr V’s sci fi romance, Escapee. Yawn. All snippets feature the skoot, a small, six-legged reptilian pet, rather than boring humans.

Before Sayer closed the cabinet, Hector glimpsed a sparse but neat array of similar clothes. Didn’t she have even one stylish or feminine outfit?

The skoot hopped off the couch and trailed her toward one of the doors at the back of the room, but she skittered away as though afraid. “Keep away from me, go.”

“Sorry,” Hector said, “but skoots love people and follow them around. That’s how they get their name, because people are always telling them to scoot out of the way.”

“Why’d you bring your pets, anyway — don’t you know there’s a war going on?”

Helplessness made his voice go flat. “These two are the only survivors of the attack. I owe it to whoever owned them to ensure they survive.”

Effing Feline here again. Did you notice the little dig I slipped in about Mr V’s writing? Being nice every minute is simply impossible, and I’m sure you agree.

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors — and be nice to them.

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Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space


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Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station). If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile world, you’ll love Escapee.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

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My SFRom Alien Contact for Kid Sisters is just one of many science fiction and fantasy books on sale for a limited time for only 99c. (Amazon only)

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Welcoming the air (and noise) #mfrwauthor

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Time once again for the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop. For week 34, the writing prompt is:

Open Doors or Closed Doors

I have no choice. My “office” is a doorless section of the . . . I guess you’d call it the dining room or family room.  The house is old, and additions have rendered it rather non-standard in layout.

[image error]Because there’s no door, the 3.5-year-old grandson can and does wander in when the urge strikes him. Sometimes he brings his “computer” (an old keyboard) and sits beside me to write. He’s frowning in this picture because he was scolding his mum for interrupting since “we’re writing.” I guess he’s heard that phrase more than once.

Because there’s no door, I block noise with music. Vocal music distracts me, so it has to be instrumental, and given my proclivities, it has to be classical. Haydn is perhaps my best writing music. He’s lively, cheerful, and he doesn’t demand that I focus on him, if you know what I mean.

Because there’s no door, I’m used to writing with distractions. Life is much quieter now, but I started writing when all four of my children lived at home. Go ahead, imagine chaos. Nowadays my favorite out-of-the-house place to write is Wilmot Library, which has ten or so tables with electrical plugs — and neither doors nor walls.

What about you?

Where do you write?  And where would you like to write, which is of course a different question?

Click here to check out the writing preferences of the cool romance writers taking part in this blog hop.

 

Effing Feline offers a bargain

[image error] I, Effing Feline, am world famous.

But in case you haven’t heard of me, I write a weekly blog post for my pet human, Ed Hoornaert, aka Mr Valentine. Being exceptionally busy with writing and naps, I employ a secretary (shown at left) who excels at hunt-and-peck.

Today I offer you a sublime bargain: a 67% saving on one of Mr V’s glorious science fiction adventures featuring loads of action and romance —

Alien Contact for Kid Sisters

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Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her—or is he kidnapping her, instead?

Marianne Harmon dreams of being a warrior rather than the pampered kid sister of the queen, but when rebels strike, she’s thrust into a more dangerous adventure than she’d bargained for. Can she trust the man in a Royal Guardian’s uniform who’s trying to save her…or maybe seduce her…or possibly even kidnap her?

Edward Hoornaert’s near-future romance, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters, is the second book in his Alien Contact for Idiots series. If you like romantic adventures like Romancing the Stone, you’ll love Alien Contact for Kid Sisters.

And best of all . . .,

. . . Alien Contact for Kid Sisters is just one of many science fiction and fantasy books on sale for a limited time for only 99c. (Amazon only)

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So buy one.  Buy two to give to friends.  Buy three to use as virtual scratching posts for your virtual cats.

But do it now!

 

Effing Feline Is not Nasty!

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, need to clean up my act. Not my litter; my public image. You see, last week Ed commented that I was ‘The Cat Called Ove,’ a take-off on the name of a novel about a nasty man called Ove.  I am not nasty! To prove it, I’ll be sharing some cat jokes. To whit:

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.

I’m sharing another snippet from Mr V’s sci fi romance, Escapee. All snippets will henceforth feature the skoot, a small, six-legged reptilian pet, rather than boring humans.

A few seconds later, the ship crashed into something with a hideous scraping sound. Hector yelped.

The airship stopped moving. “Anchors down,” she said.

“Anchors down,” the co-pilot confirmed. “Boring into bedrock and…connection secure.”

Grinning, Sayer spun her chair to face Hector. “I thought you liked terra firma, Captain.”

That crash was supposed to pass for a landing? “The yelp,” he said with a straight face, “must’ve been the skoot; Army captains do not yelp.”

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.  Mr V says to tell you that if he doesn’t comment on your page today, he’ll do it Monday.

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Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space


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Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

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Jumper Cables for the Mind #mfrwauthor

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Time once again for the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop. For week 33, the writing prompt is:

What I do to recharge

My first thought was to list my hobbies and things I do  in my free time . . . but then I realized that some of these activities don’t leave me with renewed energy and determination. It think there’s a real difference between fun and recharging.

[image error]Take television, for example. I learn a lot from TV (both in general and about storytelling). It’s a great way to fill time. However, instead of feeling refreshed, it usually leaves me feeling like I wasted my time, like I should do better next time. That sets up a tension in my mind that’s the opposite of recharging.

So, which of my free-time activities are the best at leaving behind a feeling of well-being? Here are a few off the top of my head.

Writing a good scene. Curiously, finishing a manuscript or holding the first paperback in my hands or even getting a contract seem pedestrian by comparison. The moment of creation is what matters.
Playing the oboe. Only if I play well enough, though. Otherwise I’m left with the feeling that I should practice more or I should make better reeds.
Making love to my wife or having a meaningful, beneath-the-surface talk with her. Though I admit I enjoy the former more ;-).
Walking the dog or taking her to the dog park.
Exercising. My favorite is walking, though I go through stretches when I go faithfully to the gym. Keeping in shape has always been a (secondary) goal, but I’ve always had to fight to keep at it and I frequently backslide.
Talking with my four children — usually on the phone and not more than once a week at best, since three of them live in other countries.

The common denominator is the feeling that I’ve accomplished something or indulged in something of meaning. I’m too aware of time’s passing to be comfortable frittering away the most precious resource in the universe.

What about you?

Click here to check out the cool romance writers taking part in this blog hop.

Effing Feline hisses

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts on Mr. V’s behalf. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, hate the kitten next door. My sometimes friend, Twiggles the dog, is allowed outside even though I’m not. Yesterday the kitten came right up to the floor-to-ceiling window and drank from Twiggles’ water bowl — and Ed thought it was cute!  He took pictures!

Grr, hiss!

I’m sharing another snippet from Mr V’s sci fi romance, Escapee. After their remote mining moon is attack by enemies, Catt Sayer, the crusty captain of a decrepit airship lands at a destroyed army base to look for survivors.  She finds only one, Hector Dukelsky, a by-the-book army captain.

Her ship, named Escapee, is so old that she can’t possibly be competent, right?  That’s what Hector worries when they take off for the first time. And of course, our friend the skoot is onboard, as well.

Hector studied her from the back — purely out of a desire to learn how to deal with her and not, he told himself, to enjoy the view. She flew the ship with calm assurance and competence. Even when she banged on a recalcitrant piece of equipment with the flat of her hand, she moved with confidence.

She leaned forward in the captain’s chair to reach a device that required more banging. Her angle must not have been right, because she half-stood, giving him an interesting view of her backside.

Another gust tipped the ship. The skoot slid across the floor while its six paws scrabbled on the metal floor. This couch needed seatbelts—and it did, indeed, have them. As Hector buckled up, he speculated on the peculiarities of an environment in which you needed to strap into a sofa.

The skoot leaped onto the couch and quivered against his side.

Effing Feline here again. You know the worst thing about the kitten? Even Twiggles thought it was cute when it drank from her bowl. The little monster can do no wrong!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.

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Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space

[image error]Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing adventure escape from you.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

 

Who the Heck Knows? #MFRWauthor

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Time once again for moment you’ve been waiting breathlessly for — the Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop. That means it’s okay to breathe now, folks.

This week, the writing prompt is:

Ten Years from Now

My first reaction to this prompt is that I use teabags. No tea leaves to read. But here’s my Top Ten Things I Hope the Future Holds.

Judi, the love of my life, is still alive. (And healthy!)
I’m still alive. (And ditto.)
The rest of my family is alive and well.
There are several new additions to the family. (Boys, get busy: you’re sister’s doing her part.)
The family is wee bit closer together. (Tucson-Toronto-Amsterdam is a bit far to walk. Or swim.)
Airfares have fallen. (See above).
Twiggles the dog is still alive.
I win a major book award like the Rita or Nebula. (The Nobel Prize for Literature would be okay, too.)
I publish at least 10-15 more books.
I can still play the oboe at a high level.
World peace, etc. (Yeah, right, like that’ll  happen.)

Okay, okay — I know that’s more than ten wishes. But I have grey hair already, so you don’t honestly expect my mind to be sound enough in ten years that I’ll still be able to count?

What about you?

Click here to check out the cool romance writers taking part in this blog hop.

You can also retweet about this post.

More wine? #MFRWHooks

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This week I’m joining another Marketing for Romance Writers blog hop: Book Hooks. Writers share the first few sentences of their works in hopes of luring you in.

Here’s the opening of The Midas Rush, my first science fiction romantic comedies, back when I was marketing more as science fiction than romance.

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“More wine?” asked Tresky Buffrum.

The most beautiful woman he’d ever met didn’t answer, just stared at the cork-sheathed wine bottle sitting on the table between them.  Then she stared across the hotel room at the carved, greywood bed — big enough for four people.  Six if they were relatives.

And still she didn’t answer.  Starting to worry, he fidgeted.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” she said at last.

“No! No, I just –“

 

Above is a ‘travel poster’ I designed for the book. The cover is below. I really need a better cover, don’t you think?

Be sure to check out the opening hooks from other MFRW authors. I’m certain you’ll read them all with baited (sic) breath.

The Midas Rush
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All Tresky Buffrum wants is a taste of adventure and freedom before resigning himself to the simple life of a shepherd.  What he gets instead is a mysterious wife (determined to remain chaste) who leads him to the Midas Crater, where some of the planet’s intelligent natives have been inexplicably transformed into gold.

Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

Effing Feline spreads tuna fish

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Fart-Fueled Flying Feline, Effing for short, writes the Weekend Writing Warrior / Sunday Snippet posts for Mr. V. Click the pic for info.

I, Effing Feline, am washing myself. Ed gave me the remnants of his tuna sandwich, and I love tuna.  Now I’m washing myself to spread the glorious aroma all over my body.

I’m sharing another snippet from Mr V’s SF romance, Escapee. After their remote mining moon is attack by enemies, Catt Sayer, the crusty captain of a decrepit airship, lands at a destroyed army base to look for survivors.  She finds only one: Hector Dukelsky, a by-the-book army captain.

She can’t leave him there to die, so she grudgingly invites him aboard her airship. When he tells her to carry his luggage and calls her Miss Sayer, she explodes.

“It’s not Miss Sayer, it’s Captain Sayer, owner and operator of the only transportation capable of carrying you to safety so you can bloviate another day. I’m not your servant.”

Dukelsky cocked his head to one side. His eyes seemed to focus on her for the first time and his voice lost its peremptory quality. “I shall carry the kitten and the skoot, as well their food. If, however, you would rather carry the animals…?”

Suppressing a shudder, she glanced at the spindly-legged reptile. It flicked saliva off the end of its tongue, then smiled at her. Imagining how she’d taste covered with catsup?

Effing Feline here again. Forget about how she’d taste covered with catsup. How would she taste covered with tuna fish? Yum!

Be sure to visit the other Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday authors.

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Escapee

The African Queen in Outer Space

[image error]Edward Hoornaert’s romantic space opera, Escapee, continues the saga of the Dukelsky family (begun in The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station).  If you like The African Queen and the thrill of underdogs finding love while battling a hostile environment, you’ll love Escapee.

Don’t let this rousing adventure escape from you.

Amazon US  |  Canada  |  UK  |  Australia
MuseItUp Publishing
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books

 

Docking at the SFR Brigade Showcase

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Welcome to the Science Fiction Romance Brigade’s showcase. Once a month, the brigade’s authors highlight snippets from new works, WIPs, cover reveals or other fun things.  Today I discuss the genesis of my upcoming science fiction romance, Constellation XXI.

“It’s like backing your car into the garage . . . if your car weighs as much as 300 blue whales, the garage floor is moving, and your view is blocked by 2,000 stacked cargo containers.”

That’s how a Seattle-based maritime pilot describes docking a freighter. To cut down the risk of serious accidents, ports hire highly trained pilots who are the princes of the port, paid far more than captains of ferries or freighters.

[image error]That’s the reality here on Earth. Yet in science fiction, city-sized space stations blithely allow strangers to dock and undock, even though a collision could destroy the station and kill everyone on board! Obviously, real space stations will insist that docking procedures be controlled by their own trained pilots —

— such as Sienna Dukelsky, the heroine of Constellation XXI.  Here’s a short tease from the beginning of the book.

Have you heard about that idiot, Dukelsky?  On her first solo flight—the first one!—the dumb Cherry ruined one of our newest, most expensive tugships.

That’s what people would say, and not even the truth would dent their gossip.

“No,” Sienna Dukelsky growled into the darkness that had abruptly invaded every nook of the ship, a blackness blacker than outer space because there were no stars.  The overhead lights on the bridge were dead.  Emergency power had failed.  No glimmers came from the open hatch leading to the rest of the ship.  Screens and readouts gave no information about speed or course or possible collisions with space junk.  The vibrations she’d learned to ignore no longer teased her feet with a faint reassurance of technological life.

Dead.  All dead.

Although she’d done nothing to cause the spaceship to shut down, she was the captain.  She was responsible.  Out here on the fringe of the star system, rescue was doubtful, so everyone in her charge might die.  Unless she could somehow save the day.

She’d wasted five seconds, maybe ten, since the lights went out.  Inexcusable.  Do something!

But what?

Here’s the blurb:

Sienna Dukelsky’s unglamorous job is to guide incoming freighters to a safe docking at Farflung Space Station. But when aliens with a startling secret seize control of her tugship, Sienna’s job is suddenly the most important in the entire galaxy.

Check back here for Constellation XXI‘s release day. One of the disadvantages of going through a publisher rather than self-pubbing is that I have to adjust to their schedules.  Grr!