Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 18
April 6, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 13 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
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If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
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The space pirates think they’ve conquered Farflung Space Station
But they didn’t count on Duke. The station’s Head of Security wants to prove to his army-officer parents he’s outgrown his youthful rebelliousness, and defeating a small army of pirates (almost) single-handedly is the perfect opportunity.
And they didn’t count on Lockey. This beautiful, kick-ass princess knows every weapon and martial arts system in the galaxy. She fell in love with Duke at first sight, and now winning his heart and destroying the pirates are her greatest desires.
And most importantly, the pirates didn’t count on Sandrina. After loving Duke from afar, she now yearns to fight for him. The attractive waif has discovered so many of Farflung’s secrets that she’s the most powerful person on the station, though nobody knows it yet.
They’re about to find out
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 5, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 12 #QuarantineCats
[image error]
I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 4, 2020
Effing Feline toots his own horn #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, am the epitome of modesty, but just this once I want to toot my own horn. I’m doing more to help poor quarantined humans than any cat anywhere! What am I doing? Once a week (more often if I screw up my scheduling again) I’m posting never before seen cat videos to lighten your downcast spirits.
When I say never before seen, I mean not seen recently. I’m scouring the web for videos from 6, 7, even 8 years ago. Even if you saw them then, you’ve forgotten them since you’re merely human. I’ll tell you how to find them after this message from my sponsor, Never Saw a Purple Cow.
You’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about one that turns people into geniuses? Janet Davis, a beautiful 44-year old suburbanite, abandons her husband, her luxurious LA home, even her life to risk madness and death on a quarantined island in the northern wilderness. Last week’s snippet ended with the supply boat captain telling Janet, “There’s your tomb, Lady.”
Janet sat straighter and at the same time tried to relax. Tried to pretend this trip was nothing more than a boring drive to Safeway for boring groceries to take back to her boring gated community and her bored husband.
It would be better after she was rid of this man. Then, for once in her life, she wouldn’t have to pretend.
“Gilford Island,” the man said, pointing again out the rain-misted window.
Janet strained to find what he was pointing at but failed. She saw nothing that proclaimed Gilford Island with the brazenness of the Hollywood sign on a friendlier hillside back in California. It would take such a sign to point the way.
Lost, she was lost. And had to pretend otherwise.
Effing Feline here again. To see my wondrous cat videos, just click the banner atop this page to go to Ed’s home page.
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
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Never Saw a Purple Cow
Purple Cow: someone who not only doesn’t fit in, they stand out like a . . . well like a purple cow in a dairy herd.
Grade-A example: beautiful middle-aged suburbanite Janet Davis choosing to live among the creative but insane quarantinees of remote Gilford Island.
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Grape flavored milk, anyone?
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 11 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 2, 2020
Effing Feline shows cute cats for your quarantine 10 #QuarantineCats
[image error]
I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
[image error]
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 1, 2020
Effing Feline shows cute cats for your quarantine 9 #QuarantineCats
[image error]
I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
[image error]
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
March 31, 2020
Effing Feline shows cute cats for your quarantine 8 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, continue to bring you cute cat videos during these trying times. Did you know that science has found these videos bring great benefits?
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible feline humor.
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
[image error]
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
A shark-fin certainty #mfrwhooks
With a two-hour playlist running on my noise-cancelling earphones and a WIP to work on, I’m as contented as possible. I hope your ‘quarantine’ is proceeding as well as mine. Stay safe, everyone!
In these snippets from my sci fi rom, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters, Marianne met Quinn Lebatarde, wearing Captain Charleyjohn’s Royal Guardian uniform. For safety from a rebel attack, they’re in one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra Island.
Quinn has told Marianne the little he knows about the bloody rebellion. He’s determined to protect her and Elfy — eleven-year-old Lady Delfina, a cousin of the king. He knows that Sergeant Squitt of the gendarmes is a rebel. This is the start of the dangerous trek to safety that fills most of the book.
Quinn turned his head and spat. “Can’t trust any gendarme, not a single one of them. That’s a shark-ass certainty.”
“Don’t swear around the child.”
“I’m not a child,” the Eaglesbrood brat interjected.
Quinn rolled his eyes. “I meant a shark-fin certainty. Better?”
“Is it outright rebellion,” Marianne asked, “or just a few rogue officers?”
“Don’t know yet. The only one I’m sure of is Sergeant Desrielle Squitt. Remember that name.”
“Squitt, Squitt, Squitt,” the girl chanted. “Shark-ass Squitt.”
Marianne frowned at Quinn as though saying I told you so.
He ignored her. “Now that you got that, let’s get hiking.”
But Elfy crossed her arms over her flat chest. “I want my kitty.”
“What you talking about, kid? You didn’t have a cat with you.”
“My Hello Kitty plush toy. I dropped it when you assaulted me. Fetch it for me.”
“Oh, for the love of –“
“Please,” Marianne interrupted. “She doesn’t mean it the way it sounds. She’s just a frightened little girl who’s used to servants.”
“Frightened little girl, my –“
“Watch it!”
“– shark fin,” Quinn finished. He glanced at the Harmon woman, hoping to see a sprig of approval for changing his words without even a pause, but saw nothing except stubborn disapproval. “She’s vicious, that one.”
The girl stared with large round eyes. He couldn’t tell if she was about to cry or laugh, but he did not want to deal with a crying brat. “Oh, all right. I’ll go back and get your Hello Kitty for you.”
And so, with Hello Kitty safely in her clutches, Lady Delfina led the way up the tunnel’s slope.
Be sure to visit the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
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Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her.
Or is he kidnapping her, instead?
[image error]Marianne is sick of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn, a scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her—or kidnap her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
March 30, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your covid19 day 7 #QuarantineCats
[image error]
I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station!
An Amazing Woman . . . with Amazing Secrets
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The space pirates think they’ve conquered Farflung Space Station
But they didn’t count on Duke. The station’s Head of Security wants to prove to his army-officer parents he’s outgrown his youthful rebelliousness, and defeating a small army of pirates (almost) single-handedly is the perfect opportunity.
And they didn’t count on Lockey. This beautiful, kick-ass princess knows every weapon and martial arts system in the galaxy. She fell in love with Duke at first sight, and now winning his heart and destroying the pirates are her greatest desires.
And most importantly, the pirates didn’t count on Sandrina. After loving Duke from afar, she now yearns to fight for him. The attractive waif has discovered so many of Farflung’s secrets that she’s the most powerful person on the station, though nobody knows it yet.
They’re about to find out.
The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station is book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
March 29, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your covid19 day 6 #QuarantineCats
[image error]
I, Effing Feline, continue to do my part to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station!
An Amazing Woman . . . with Amazing Secrets
[image error]
The space pirates think they’ve conquered Farflung Space Station
But they didn’t count on Duke. The station’s Head of Security wants to prove to his army-officer parents he’s outgrown his youthful rebelliousness, and defeating a small army of pirates (almost) single-handedly is the perfect opportunity.
And they didn’t count on Lockey. This beautiful, kick-ass princess knows every weapon and martial arts system in the galaxy. She fell in love with Duke at first sight, and now winning his heart and destroying the pirates are her greatest desires.
And most importantly, the pirates didn’t count on Sandrina. After loving Duke from afar, she now yearns to fight for him. The attractive waif has discovered so many of Farflung’s secrets that she’s the most powerful person on the station, though nobody knows it yet.
They’re about to find out.
The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station is book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
