Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 17
April 15, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 19 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, will bring the best morale booster in the world every day for the foreseeable future. You humans need that during your lockdown, or quarantine, or whatever you call it.
Today I am proud to bring you the very first cat video ever posted to YouTube (according to this site).
Check back tomorrow for another video.
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If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
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It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 13, 2020
So that’s what the dress looks like #mfrwhooks
In last week’s snippet from my sci fi rom, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters, Marianne insisted that Quinn Lebatarde, a con man wearing Captain Charleyjohn’s Royal Guardian uniform to stop for the night. Their long trek up a tunnel exhausted Lady Delfina, the 11-year-old cousin of the king.
It’s now the next morning.
Yawning, she opened her eyes to incomprehensible surroundings. Dark walls, dim light. She was snuggled against a child. Delfina Eaglesbrood. Cuddling with Elfy was nice, but Marianne’s back felt even more delicious and protected. She yawned again, trying to shake off mental lethargy.
Then she noticed the hairy arm circling her waist. A warm male body.
Charleyjohn.
She held her breath.
When he didn’t move, she realized he was asleep. She scooted her bottom away from his erection and nudged him with her shoulder. That accomplished nothing, so she elbowed him in the ribs. He mumbled and snuffled. Trying not to disturb Elfy, Marianne lifted his arm off her. He rolled away and blinked as she wobbled to her feet. Behind her, the tunnel lamp surged to full brightness.
“So that’s what the dress looks like without the jacket.” He leered at the translucent layers of her gown.
She grabbed the thing closest to hand—the coat that had slipped off her shoulders—and threw it at him with bad-tempered energy.
Be sure to visit the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
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Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her.
Or is he kidnapping her, instead?
[image error]Marianne is sick of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn, a scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her—or kidnap her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 18 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, continue to bring smiles to your lockdown by showing the best medicine of all. Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
April 12, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 17 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, made a mistake and posted my Easter video several days early. But it’s not my fault. It’s never my fault, it’s the Democrats fault. Obama made me do it!
Anyway, I wish you happy Easter, even if you are in confinement because of the Covid19 virus. Because of Obama’s mistake, I’m posting TWO videos — a bonus for those of you who watched the cat video. Scroll down to see it.
In case you’re wondering, I do NOT eat carrots. (Watch the video and you’ll understand why I say that.)
And here’s the bonus video, courtesy of the very talented Shirley Șerban.
Check back tomorrow for another video.
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If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
[image error]
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 11, 2020
Effing Feline sends his Easter wishes #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, have heard Ed, my pet human, talking about Easter egg hunts. Since this is Easter Sunday, I think I’ll spend the day dreaming of being able to go outside — I’m a house cat, kept captive forever — and hunt for real eggs. Maybe even a real bird, heh heh heh.
You’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about one that turns people into creative geniuses? Janet Davis, a beautiful 44-year old suburbanite, abandons her husband and her luxurious LA home to risk madness and death on a quarantined island in the northern wilderness.
She’s on a small supply boat and the driver is trying to talk her out of going to Gilford Island.
With a sigh, she looked at the wallet picture he held out to her. Four smiling mouths and eight soulful eyes brimmed with an innocence that made Janet ache. “They’re beautiful.”
He grunted. “Maybe if you had kids you wouldn’t be so damned eager to kill yourself. Look, I know I agreed to break you into the quarantine—but please, don’t do this.”
He was a decent man, a husband and father. Not a sexual predator. Sex with him would be lovemaking, not rape. If she seduced him—and why not a last fling?—they’d do it here in the cabin so she’d be warm and protected. He would slowly disrobe her, hanging her dress across the back of the bench so it wouldn’t wrinkle, taking his time with the clasp of her bra and teasing her with his fingertips as he slowly brushed the straps off her shoulders.
Effing Feline here again. Ed says I was too bloodthirsty in my intro to this post. He said it would’ve been okay (marginally) for Good Friday. Not Easter, though. But I’m a cat, a born hunter, so what does he expect?
Nonetheless, I’ll make an effort to be cute and cuddly in honor of the holiday. (Grumble grumble hiss mutter.)
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I hear birds chirping outside. Let me at them! Please!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
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Never Saw a Purple Cow
You’ve read about viruses that turn people into zombies. But how about a virus that turns people into madmen, some of whom become creative geniuses?
Spurred by her husband’s infidelity, a suburban housewife smuggles herself into a wilderness quarantine. She’s hoping to redeem her empty life by writing a great book. But the reality of lifetime exile on an island of madmen — pirates, a suicidal Indian boy, a licentious cult leader — is crueler than any daydream. To survive, she’ll need to adapt.
But how? Nothing in life has prepared her for this.
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Grape flavored milk, anyone?
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 16 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, continue to help you poor humans who are suffering from confinement because of the Covid19 virus. We cats, of course, are free to live our lives as usual, not that I’m gloating about it.
For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
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If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
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The space pirates think they’ve conquered Farflung Space Station
But they didn’t count on Duke. The station’s Head of Security wants to prove to his army-officer parents he’s outgrown his youthful rebelliousness, and defeating a small army of pirates (almost) single-handedly is the perfect opportunity.
And they didn’t count on Lockey. This beautiful, kick-ass princess knows every weapon and martial arts system in the galaxy. She fell in love with Duke at first sight, and now winning his heart and destroying the pirates are her greatest desires.
And most importantly, the pirates didn’t count on Sandrina. After loving Duke from afar, she now yearns to fight for him. The attractive waif has discovered so many of Farflung’s secrets that she’s the most powerful person on the station, though nobody knows it yet.
They’re about to find out
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 10, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 15 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, missed a day. My apologies for having no cat video for you yesterday. Ce n’est pas de ma faute !
If you’re wondering why I said “It’s not my fault!” in French, I think you’ll figure it out when you watch the video.
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
[image error]It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 9, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 18 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, wish you happy Easter, even if you are in confinement because of the Covid19 virus.
In case you’re wondering, I do NOT eat carrots. (Watch the video and you’ll understand why I say that.)
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
[image error]
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 8, 2020
Effing Feline lightens your quarantine 14 #QuarantineCats
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I, Effing Feline, have been presenting cute cat videos for 14 days. That’s two weeks in human time, two months in cat time. For the foreseeable future I’ll be lightning your day by posting the best possible humor.
Cat videos!
Check back tomorrow for another video.
[image error]
If you still need something to fill your time, Ed’s highest rated novel (4.8/5.0 on Amazon) is now available for free — The Guardian Angel of Farflung Station.
The space pirates think they’ve conquered Farflung Space Station
But they didn’t count on Duke. The station’s Head of Security wants to prove to his army-officer parents he’s outgrown his youthful rebelliousness, and defeating a small army of pirates (almost) single-handedly is the perfect opportunity.
And they didn’t count on Lockey. This beautiful, kick-ass princess knows every weapon and martial arts system in the galaxy. She fell in love with Duke at first sight, and now winning his heart and destroying the pirates are her greatest desires.
And most importantly, the pirates didn’t count on Sandrina. After loving Duke from afar, she now yearns to fight for him. The attractive waif has discovered so many of Farflung’s secrets that she’s the most powerful person on the station, though nobody knows it yet.
They’re about to find out
It’s book one in the Repelling the Invasion series. It is available wherever fine e-books are sold, including:
Amazon | UK | Canada | Australia
Apple iBooks
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
Smashwords
April 7, 2020
A particularly male grin #mfrwhooks
With a two-hour playlist running on my noise-cancelling earphones and a WIP to work on, I’m as contented as possible. I hope your ‘quarantine’ is proceeding as well as mine. Stay safe, everyone!
In these snippets from my sci fi rom, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters, Marianne met Quinn Lebatarde, wearing Captain Charleyjohn’s Royal Guardian uniform. For safety from a rebel attack, the two of them plus 11-year old Lady Delfina (Elfy) are hiking up one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra Island. Marianne thinks they should stop for the night.
“You’ve driven us on a forced march. Kept us in the dark about what’s happening up on the surface. Failed to convince us why we need to run away, as though because I said so is a good enough reason.”
“Well, it is.” Sitting on the floor, he tugged at his jacket’s lapels. “See this uniform?”
“Yeah, yeah. The Guardians are one of the few truly admirable institutions in existence, et cetera, et cetera. I’ll grant you that, but…” Marianne paused to give weight to her words. “But unless you prove to me we’re in imminent danger, we are not walking one foot farther up this stupid tunnel.” Marianne pointed to where the rivulet had formed a pool a foot wide and six feet long. “There’s water here and the floor is covered with soft dirt rather than rock. If you can’t see this is an ideal place to stop, you’re an idiot.”
Quinn stood and brushed dirt off his uniform. “Look, klootch, we gotta—”
“And stop calling me a klootch!” Marianne cringed from the echoes roaring off the walls. She took a deep breath and moderated her voice. “Don’t call me that ever again. It’s disrespectful. And we are not going any further tonight.”
“Got to,” Charleyjohn shot back. “To the end of the tunnel at least, and it’d be even better if we hiked a little way into the cave, so no one could find us. I know of a great pool, deep enough for real swimming. Wearing lousy shoes like yours, I bet you’d enjoy soaking your feet, eh?”
“Have you gotten a message on your implant that someone is following us up this tunnel?”
“No, but—”
“Then we spend the night right here.”
When he opened his mouth to continue arguing, she flung out her arm and pointed to the tunnel floor. Elfy was curled up on a soft patch of dirt with her stuffed Hello Kitty under her head. She was already asleep.
“We sleep here,” Marianne insisted. Then she wished she hadn’t, because Charleyjohn grinned—a particularly male grin.
Be sure to visit the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
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Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds a hero to save her.
Or is he kidnapping her, instead?
[image error]Marianne is sick of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn, a scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her—or kidnap her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
Amazon | Canada | UK | Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
