Lynn C. Tolson's Blog: Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog, page 3
June 12, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Reviews "Miss America By Day"
Miss America By Day: Lessons Learned from Ultimate Betrayals and Unconditional Love
by Marilyn Van DerburMarilyn Van Derbur, a native of Colorado, is one of four daughters of a prominent Denver businessman (he is deceased). Both parents were active volunteers, donating time and money to culture and civic organizations. Marilyn's mother would often state that she had the "perfect marriage" and Marilyn was told that she was "blessed by being born into a perfect family." Marilyn's life appeared to be perfect, as depicted by the smiles in the pictures she shares throughout the book. Marilyn was crowned Miss America while she was attending the University of Colorado in 1958. When she graduated (with honors) Marilyn was a guest host on Candid Camera and a panelist on To Tell the Truth, as well as in commercials. She also waved to the public while in the Cotton Bowl and Thanksgiving Day Parades. She chose motivational speaking as her career, and was named the "Outstanding Woman Speaker in America" and was inducted to the "Colorado Woman's Hall of Fame." Indeed, anyone reading her story might experience a twinge of envy for all the fame and fortune that seemed to come to her so easily and effortlessly.Except...Marilyn suffered from physical symptoms including insomnia, tics, ulcers, and panic attacks. When her body and mind rebelled against the constant travel, she experienced full body paralysis, yet doctors found no organic cause. What else might Marilyn be rebelling against? She had to search her mind and spirit to find the answers.One of Marilyn's earliest memories is of her mother reading the Bible before bed. Memories that came next had been repressed for decades. Marilyn writes, "I had never prayed. I didn't want a more powerful father and I knew, deep inside, that the Father my mother was praying to when I was a child wasn't protecting me." However, when her story went public via the Denver media and People magazine, she asked of a Higher Power: "I want to help...If you show me the way ...I will do whatever you ask me to do." Thus began the next chapter of Marilyn's life.
Not only does she educate with this book and her speeches, she also helps victims become survivors by sharing her healing journey. Throughout the book, Marilyn also shares with the reader her relationships with her husband and daughter, and the reader relishes in the emotional relief their unconditional love offers Marilyn.
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson @lynntolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
*Tolson4TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide
Marilyn Van Derbur was interviewed by coach Rachel Grant @coachRachelG and you can hear the archived interview on Beyond Surviving Radio (see below). Rachel Grant is a sexual abuse recovery coach at Rachel Grant Coaching.
Check Out Self Help Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Conversations That Heal on BlogTalkRadio
Not only does she educate with this book and her speeches, she also helps victims become survivors by sharing her healing journey. Throughout the book, Marilyn also shares with the reader her relationships with her husband and daughter, and the reader relishes in the emotional relief their unconditional love offers Marilyn.
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson @lynntolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
*Tolson4TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide
Marilyn Van Derbur was interviewed by coach Rachel Grant @coachRachelG and you can hear the archived interview on Beyond Surviving Radio (see below). Rachel Grant is a sexual abuse recovery coach at Rachel Grant Coaching.
Check Out Self Help Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Conversations That Heal on BlogTalkRadio
May 31, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* on Children Witnessing Domestic Violence
What is considered violence? What do parents teach their children? John Bradshaw, author of "Homecoming" and "Creating Love " says: "I consider anything that violates a person's sense of self to be violence. Such action may not be directly physical or sexual, although it quite often is. Violence occurs when a more powerful and knowledgeable person destroys the freedom of a less powerful person for whom he or she is significant." Bradshaw also writes that "Anyone who witnesses violence is a victim of violence." Do you think children under 5 are not traumatized by seeing violence? Can a 4 year old girl really erase this scene as if it never happened? Here is an excerpt from "
Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story."
***My father opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out a knife. That’s the knife my mother used to cut bones from chicken. He was holding the knife over his head with the sharp blade aimed at my mother. She looked so small compared to his large body, and his rage was larger than life. My father noticed me long enough to stop killing my mother.***
Be aware that when you fight in front of your children, you are degrading their sense of self, developing their perspective of an unsafe world, and diminishing their respect for you. It takes decades of affirmations, meditations, medications, and celebrations to dry the tears of children whose parents fought while swearing to one another "one day you'll be the death of me." Whose fault is it when one of the parents commits suicide the night after a fight? Who takes on the responsiblity as surely as if it was a homicide? Children typically take on the blame for what is broken, for what they cannot fix. It takes forever and a day to undo the damage done to a child who witnesses the violence of parents who verbally, physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse each other. Be careful of what you allow children to witness, because all the time in the world does not heal all wounds.
Jerome Elam @JeromeElam is an advocate for children's rights, and writes for the Washington Times Communities. You can read his article titled Children of Domestic Violence: A black and blue fairy tale , which combines his personal experience with professional knowledge. He writes poignantly: "My father’s violent behavior seemed so unpredictable at first, a random explosion of anger that would fill the room with a fear that would suck all the oxygen from a room as I struggled to breathe." Sometimes children are waiting to exhale their entire lives.
Post completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
*Tolson 4 TEARS Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted
***My father opened a kitchen drawer and pulled out a knife. That’s the knife my mother used to cut bones from chicken. He was holding the knife over his head with the sharp blade aimed at my mother. She looked so small compared to his large body, and his rage was larger than life. My father noticed me long enough to stop killing my mother.***
Be aware that when you fight in front of your children, you are degrading their sense of self, developing their perspective of an unsafe world, and diminishing their respect for you. It takes decades of affirmations, meditations, medications, and celebrations to dry the tears of children whose parents fought while swearing to one another "one day you'll be the death of me." Whose fault is it when one of the parents commits suicide the night after a fight? Who takes on the responsiblity as surely as if it was a homicide? Children typically take on the blame for what is broken, for what they cannot fix. It takes forever and a day to undo the damage done to a child who witnesses the violence of parents who verbally, physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse each other. Be careful of what you allow children to witness, because all the time in the world does not heal all wounds.
Jerome Elam @JeromeElam is an advocate for children's rights, and writes for the Washington Times Communities. You can read his article titled Children of Domestic Violence: A black and blue fairy tale , which combines his personal experience with professional knowledge. He writes poignantly: "My father’s violent behavior seemed so unpredictable at first, a random explosion of anger that would fill the room with a fear that would suck all the oxygen from a room as I struggled to breathe." Sometimes children are waiting to exhale their entire lives.
Post completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
*Tolson 4 TEARS Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted
April 15, 2015
Beyond the Tears Receives 5 Star Review "Insights and Reflections"
Insights and Reflections
My first encounter with Lynn C Tolson was actually on Facebook. As I became involved in groups and pages about childhood sexual abuse, Lynn's name kept popping up everywhere. Who was this woman? My research revealed she was an author, herself once a victim of sexual abuse, and currently a social worker and speaker who gives a great deal of her time and self to helping other victims, both on and offline. I got the impression she was well-known and I felt dwarfed by her achievements. But at that point, she was still just a name with a nice Facebook photo.
Now, having read Lynn's book [ Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story ] if it were possible, the one thing I'd love to do is meet her in person. I want to meet this woman who at the opening of her book was on her way to commit suicide. She'd had it! She couldn't take any more. She hauled into a motel, swallowed all the pills she could find and waited for death to come. But life wasn't done with her yet because she had a mission to fulfill: to heal from her own devastating and lonely past; to conquer her drug-addicted lifestyle; to rid herself of an older husband who was using her low self-esteem to victimize her further, and ultimately to share her path to recovery with the thousands of other victims out there who might also think that taking their own lives is the only solution. Thank heaven Lynn's attempt to end it all failed or Beyond the Tears wouldn't have been written.
The one thing that stood out for me as I got further and further into Lynn's story of sexual abuse by both her schizophrenic biological father, and later, by her older brother, was her extreme isolation, even as a young child, in a family of several members. Like all victims of sexual abuse, she couldn't bring herself to tell her own mother of the abuse. Why? Because her mother was too delicate, too fragile. So to save her mother from heartache, she let her own heart ache with her ugly secret. Intimidated by her step-father, confused by her own father, ignored by her mother and scorned and berated by her abusive brother, Lynn wandered through her teens dulling her pain on street drugs. She watched a soul-mate die from an overdose and still couldn't help herself. After compounding the mess of her life by marrying a mentally and verbally abusive husband, suicide seemed the only out till fate stepped in. Lynn met Karen and with love, caring and wise counsel, Karen got Lynn to open up and tell all.
As all abuse victims come to realiize sooner or later, healing begins in finally telling someone, but it is journalling, writing, that ultimately closes the wounds. Karen encouraged Lynn to do that. Lynn took another 20 years before putting pen to paper and further heal, but it is her readers, especially those who are victims of childhood sexual abuse who benefit from her writing. Lynn not only shares her life with us in an easy to read, semi-fictional style, but she peppers her story with insights and reflections on the personalities of her family and how they contributed to her isolation, an isolation I sense she still feels today but is able to live with. Every so often, she throws in some touching poetry that is short and poignant. And by sharing Karen's words of counsel and wisdom with us, Lynn offers the reader concepts that truly help one heal.
If there's one thing I love about the internet and social networking sites like Facebook, it's that it clarifies perceptions we form of people when we only meet them in print, as in their blogs, poems or books. Read their words and you form a picture of them. Look at their photos and we see what the words don't show. Listen to their voices, as I did recently in a blog talk show with Lynn and the image sharpens. Watch a video Lynn has one on her own blog site at http://beyondthetears.blogspot.com, and you suddenly know a lot more about this person who till now was just a name on a book.
Getting to know Lynn C Tolson begins with reading Beyond the Tears, but don't stop there! Visit her blog, read her posts, check out her other reviews and videos at Goodreads, and come to know this strong woman who was once a victim of child sexual abuse but is today a survivor and thriver. As Karen told her: "When you lose your identity as a victim, you gain an identity as a survivor". Beyond the Tears is a guide to doing just that.
Review completed by Viga Boland, author of No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest and Learning to Love Myself: A Memoir of Rebirth
My first encounter with Lynn C Tolson was actually on Facebook. As I became involved in groups and pages about childhood sexual abuse, Lynn's name kept popping up everywhere. Who was this woman? My research revealed she was an author, herself once a victim of sexual abuse, and currently a social worker and speaker who gives a great deal of her time and self to helping other victims, both on and offline. I got the impression she was well-known and I felt dwarfed by her achievements. But at that point, she was still just a name with a nice Facebook photo.
Now, having read Lynn's book [ Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story ] if it were possible, the one thing I'd love to do is meet her in person. I want to meet this woman who at the opening of her book was on her way to commit suicide. She'd had it! She couldn't take any more. She hauled into a motel, swallowed all the pills she could find and waited for death to come. But life wasn't done with her yet because she had a mission to fulfill: to heal from her own devastating and lonely past; to conquer her drug-addicted lifestyle; to rid herself of an older husband who was using her low self-esteem to victimize her further, and ultimately to share her path to recovery with the thousands of other victims out there who might also think that taking their own lives is the only solution. Thank heaven Lynn's attempt to end it all failed or Beyond the Tears wouldn't have been written.
The one thing that stood out for me as I got further and further into Lynn's story of sexual abuse by both her schizophrenic biological father, and later, by her older brother, was her extreme isolation, even as a young child, in a family of several members. Like all victims of sexual abuse, she couldn't bring herself to tell her own mother of the abuse. Why? Because her mother was too delicate, too fragile. So to save her mother from heartache, she let her own heart ache with her ugly secret. Intimidated by her step-father, confused by her own father, ignored by her mother and scorned and berated by her abusive brother, Lynn wandered through her teens dulling her pain on street drugs. She watched a soul-mate die from an overdose and still couldn't help herself. After compounding the mess of her life by marrying a mentally and verbally abusive husband, suicide seemed the only out till fate stepped in. Lynn met Karen and with love, caring and wise counsel, Karen got Lynn to open up and tell all.
As all abuse victims come to realiize sooner or later, healing begins in finally telling someone, but it is journalling, writing, that ultimately closes the wounds. Karen encouraged Lynn to do that. Lynn took another 20 years before putting pen to paper and further heal, but it is her readers, especially those who are victims of childhood sexual abuse who benefit from her writing. Lynn not only shares her life with us in an easy to read, semi-fictional style, but she peppers her story with insights and reflections on the personalities of her family and how they contributed to her isolation, an isolation I sense she still feels today but is able to live with. Every so often, she throws in some touching poetry that is short and poignant. And by sharing Karen's words of counsel and wisdom with us, Lynn offers the reader concepts that truly help one heal.
If there's one thing I love about the internet and social networking sites like Facebook, it's that it clarifies perceptions we form of people when we only meet them in print, as in their blogs, poems or books. Read their words and you form a picture of them. Look at their photos and we see what the words don't show. Listen to their voices, as I did recently in a blog talk show with Lynn and the image sharpens. Watch a video Lynn has one on her own blog site at http://beyondthetears.blogspot.com, and you suddenly know a lot more about this person who till now was just a name on a book.
Getting to know Lynn C Tolson begins with reading Beyond the Tears, but don't stop there! Visit her blog, read her posts, check out her other reviews and videos at Goodreads, and come to know this strong woman who was once a victim of child sexual abuse but is today a survivor and thriver. As Karen told her: "When you lose your identity as a victim, you gain an identity as a survivor". Beyond the Tears is a guide to doing just that.
Review completed by Viga Boland, author of No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest and Learning to Love Myself: A Memoir of Rebirth
April 6, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Reviews "Crash Into Me"
Liz Seccuro spent years building her world anew after it had been destroyed by rape when she was seventeen. The strong foundation of her carefully structured life was weakened when the rapist, William Beebe, dared to contact her twenty-two years after the assault. Ms. Seccuro wrote
Crash Into Me
as a concise narrative that documents the complex true story of surviving after rape, and seeking the justice victims deserve.Ms. Seccuro conveys how she feels as she engages the rapist in email correspondence. The exchanges prompt her to take on the seemingly insurmountable task of pressing charges against the man who had assaulted her when they were at the University of Virginia in 1984.The reader sees the wide net of protection that is cast upon institutions that value the status-quo. It is disturbing to hear how society defends the perpetrator while blaming the victim. It is maddening to read that: “in a rape case, it is never, ever the alleged rapist on trial, whether in the courtroom or in the media. The victim is on trial. Always.” (p. 114) No wonder victims do not dare report!Ms. Seccuro candidly reveals the details of her experience, and the story yields even more brutality and betrayal. She balances her emotional content with the inclusion of court documents (which left me shaking my head in disbelief at the absurdity of the questions posed by the defendant’s attorney to the witness, the victim herself). She deepens the readers empathy with every impossible decision she must make. How hard do rape victims have to work to empower themselves as individuals and in society?Seccuro’s singular book speaks volumes about the priggish institutional systems and the precision in which they cooperate to cover-up crime. How can a medical facility turn away a rape victim? (This was the case for seventeen year old Liz).
Crash Into Me
is a fast-paced, riveting read, written with clarity and courage. Bravo to Liz Seccuro!
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story*Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling everyone about rape and suicide, so no shed tears is wasted.
Rolling Stone Magazine published an in 2014 titled "A Rape on Campus" that was focused on a University of Virgina student "Jackie" who claimed sexual assault in a fraternity house. Controversy ensued over the validity of the student's claims and the credibility of the journalist.
Liz Seccuro responded by publishing an article in The Daily Beast with the heading "I was gang-raped at the University of Virginia. I was gang-raped at the Phi Kappi Psi fraternity house... and no one did anything."
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story*Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling everyone about rape and suicide, so no shed tears is wasted.
Rolling Stone Magazine published an in 2014 titled "A Rape on Campus" that was focused on a University of Virgina student "Jackie" who claimed sexual assault in a fraternity house. Controversy ensued over the validity of the student's claims and the credibility of the journalist.
Liz Seccuro responded by publishing an article in The Daily Beast with the heading "I was gang-raped at the University of Virginia. I was gang-raped at the Phi Kappi Psi fraternity house... and no one did anything."
April 5, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Says "BE REAL" for Sexual Abuse Victims
What can you do if someone reveals to you that he/she has been abused? You canBE REAL
B Believe her and believe in her*E Educate yourself; share your knowledgeR Reassure her that is was not her faultE Empower with information and resourcesA Ask what you can do and do your bestL Listen without judgment to what is said
*It is estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men will be abused in his/her lifetime.
Prepared by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story *Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted
B Believe her and believe in her*E Educate yourself; share your knowledgeR Reassure her that is was not her faultE Empower with information and resourcesA Ask what you can do and do your bestL Listen without judgment to what is said
*It is estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men will be abused in his/her lifetime.
Prepared by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story *Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted
April 2, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Reviews "Learning to Love Myself: A Memoir of Rebirth"
Learning to Love Myself: A Memoir of Rebirth and Recovery from Child Sexual Abuse Through Love
by Viga Boland is a sequel to her award winning book No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest. In this follow-up memoir, Viga writes about her adult experiences after a childhood of torture perpetrated by her abusive father. Of significance in both books is the fact that Viga kept her traumatic childhood a secret until her sixties; For about forty years, she did not reveal her painful childhood to her husband. Then, upon hearing a news report about child abuse, Viga made the courageous decision to tell her family. In
Learning to Love Myself,
the reader sees what her life was like before the disclosure, and reads about the conflict of wondering to tell her husband what her father had done to her.
As with the writing style in No Tears for My Father, Viga tells her story with clarity and flow. The reader learns along with Viga how to maintain relationships, conduct business, and raise children in the aftermath of child abuse. She has to navigate the processes of life while operating under arrested development. Her father had possessed her body, mind, and spirit well beyond her childhood, and with every adult decision she made, he undermined her choice. Imagine your own father questioning your choice of names for your own daughter! The high level of dangerous narcissism via the father infiltrated Viga’s psyche even when she lived thousands of miles away. Yet, Viga is a survivor, determined to thrive on her own terms, fueled by the love her husband John. He supports and respects her, without judgement or criticism, with the only expectation being to love and be loved. Viga also perseveres in her desire to sustain a relationship with her helpless mother, who was fearful of her husband all the while being utterly dependent upon him. Therein lies a bittersweet mother-daughter bond that touches the reader’s heart. The reader is also charmed by Viga’s stories regarding raising her daughters to be independent women. Despite the hateful actions of the father, Learning to Love Myself is indeed a love story.
As an advocate for victims of child abuse, I appreciated that Viga Boland has shown readers that hope and healing is possible. She generously reveals her vulnerabilities for the benefit of others who have suffered as victims. She has also shown survivors that it is possible to break the cycle of abuse while offering unconditional love to a spouse and children.
You can purchase both books here. All printed copies ordered from this site are personally signed and shipped by Viga Boland.
Viga Boland @vintageblogger is active in the advocacy network, sharing her knowledge and experience to help facilitate recovery for those affected by trauma. She's developed videos that offer information about incest and abuse, which can be viewed here.
As if this is not enough work, Viga Boland has developed a Facebook group to support others in their stories, along with a printed magazine for memoir writers, available for purchase at her website. You can request to join the group Memoirabilia here.
*Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted.
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
As with the writing style in No Tears for My Father, Viga tells her story with clarity and flow. The reader learns along with Viga how to maintain relationships, conduct business, and raise children in the aftermath of child abuse. She has to navigate the processes of life while operating under arrested development. Her father had possessed her body, mind, and spirit well beyond her childhood, and with every adult decision she made, he undermined her choice. Imagine your own father questioning your choice of names for your own daughter! The high level of dangerous narcissism via the father infiltrated Viga’s psyche even when she lived thousands of miles away. Yet, Viga is a survivor, determined to thrive on her own terms, fueled by the love her husband John. He supports and respects her, without judgement or criticism, with the only expectation being to love and be loved. Viga also perseveres in her desire to sustain a relationship with her helpless mother, who was fearful of her husband all the while being utterly dependent upon him. Therein lies a bittersweet mother-daughter bond that touches the reader’s heart. The reader is also charmed by Viga’s stories regarding raising her daughters to be independent women. Despite the hateful actions of the father, Learning to Love Myself is indeed a love story.
As an advocate for victims of child abuse, I appreciated that Viga Boland has shown readers that hope and healing is possible. She generously reveals her vulnerabilities for the benefit of others who have suffered as victims. She has also shown survivors that it is possible to break the cycle of abuse while offering unconditional love to a spouse and children.
You can purchase both books here. All printed copies ordered from this site are personally signed and shipped by Viga Boland.
Viga Boland @vintageblogger is active in the advocacy network, sharing her knowledge and experience to help facilitate recovery for those affected by trauma. She's developed videos that offer information about incest and abuse, which can be viewed here.
As if this is not enough work, Viga Boland has developed a Facebook group to support others in their stories, along with a printed magazine for memoir writers, available for purchase at her website. You can request to join the group Memoirabilia here.
*Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted.
Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
April 1, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Reviews "No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest"
Review of No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest by Viga Boland
No Tears for my Father is a memoir about the abuse of a girl at the hands of her father. At the beginning, the author offers a “trigger warning” to protect those who may experience flashbacks while reading and ruminating over the horrible treatment of a precious child. A true story about incest is bound to be an emotionally charged read.
Viga’s style of story telling is straightforward: she stays with the story in a manner that clearly states the torture she suffered. She writes, "That's the way it happened and that's how it must be told." The content is not veiled by vague metaphors, but is conveyed in concise detail. Viga explores the betrayal and brainwashing she endured via the despicable mind-games and manipulations delivered by her father. He was a narcissistic, dangerous, mean-spirited monster who played on her sympathies with his delusions over his own perceived victimhood. Viga was taught by him to bear the responsibility for his well-being; there was no relief for her, from girlhood to adulthood. Meanwhile, her broken mother offered no safety or security, so her depraved father took everything from Viga, body, mind, and spirit. The reader cannot walk away without an understanding of the evil inherent in incest.
The torment Viga was subjected to was a daily occurrence in her seemingly ordinary childhood houses, from Australia to Canada. Nobody could rescue her from her father’s obsessive control vis a vis unfathomable abuse. No one would estimate the depths of her fear of the man who seemed to be an ordinary neighbor. This illustrates the prevalence of abuse in the privacy of homes.
With pictures, poetry, and prose, Viga Boland exposes her vulnerabilities. The reader may comprehend how difficult it is for a writer to share the worst wounds. Yet there is strength to behold as the story unfolds. Both reader and writer are better for having finished this book because it serves as a genuine gift of hope and healing.
Viga Boland @vintageblogger is active in the advocacy network, sharing her knowledge and experience to help facilitate recovery for those affected by trauma. She's developed videos that offer information about incest and abuse, which can be viewed here http://www.youtube.com/vigaland
You can visit COMING OUT FROM UNDER INCEST which Viga Boland developed as "the blog of an incest survivor, designed to encourage other survivors of child sexual abuse to open up & talk about incest." In addition, she has a Facebook page and group page Speak Out From Under.
When you finally come out from underAnd absolve yourself of blameWhen you cast aside the crippling fearsAnd rid yourself of shameAs you peel away the layersTo expose the soul belowYou will come to love that personThe one you didn't know.© Viga Boland 2012
The sequel to No Tears for My Father is Learning to Love Myself, a memoir of rebirth and recovery from abuse. "In keeping silent about the abuse for over 40 years of marriage, Viga indirectly also made her husband a victim of her narcissistic father. Yet her husband stood strong beside her, even after he discovered the truth. That’s true love." The book contains poetry and photos. You can purchase both books here .All printed copies ordered from this site are personally signed and shipped by Viga Boland.
.
As if this is not enough work, Viga Boland has developed a Facebook group to support others in their stories, along with a printed magazine for memoir writers, available for purchase at her website. You can request to join the group Memoirabilia here.
No Tears for my Father is a memoir about the abuse of a girl at the hands of her father. At the beginning, the author offers a “trigger warning” to protect those who may experience flashbacks while reading and ruminating over the horrible treatment of a precious child. A true story about incest is bound to be an emotionally charged read.
Viga’s style of story telling is straightforward: she stays with the story in a manner that clearly states the torture she suffered. She writes, "That's the way it happened and that's how it must be told." The content is not veiled by vague metaphors, but is conveyed in concise detail. Viga explores the betrayal and brainwashing she endured via the despicable mind-games and manipulations delivered by her father. He was a narcissistic, dangerous, mean-spirited monster who played on her sympathies with his delusions over his own perceived victimhood. Viga was taught by him to bear the responsibility for his well-being; there was no relief for her, from girlhood to adulthood. Meanwhile, her broken mother offered no safety or security, so her depraved father took everything from Viga, body, mind, and spirit. The reader cannot walk away without an understanding of the evil inherent in incest.
The torment Viga was subjected to was a daily occurrence in her seemingly ordinary childhood houses, from Australia to Canada. Nobody could rescue her from her father’s obsessive control vis a vis unfathomable abuse. No one would estimate the depths of her fear of the man who seemed to be an ordinary neighbor. This illustrates the prevalence of abuse in the privacy of homes.
With pictures, poetry, and prose, Viga Boland exposes her vulnerabilities. The reader may comprehend how difficult it is for a writer to share the worst wounds. Yet there is strength to behold as the story unfolds. Both reader and writer are better for having finished this book because it serves as a genuine gift of hope and healing.
Viga Boland @vintageblogger is active in the advocacy network, sharing her knowledge and experience to help facilitate recovery for those affected by trauma. She's developed videos that offer information about incest and abuse, which can be viewed here http://www.youtube.com/vigaland
You can visit COMING OUT FROM UNDER INCEST which Viga Boland developed as "the blog of an incest survivor, designed to encourage other survivors of child sexual abuse to open up & talk about incest." In addition, she has a Facebook page and group page Speak Out From Under.
When you finally come out from underAnd absolve yourself of blameWhen you cast aside the crippling fearsAnd rid yourself of shameAs you peel away the layersTo expose the soul belowYou will come to love that personThe one you didn't know.© Viga Boland 2012
The sequel to No Tears for My Father is Learning to Love Myself, a memoir of rebirth and recovery from abuse. "In keeping silent about the abuse for over 40 years of marriage, Viga indirectly also made her husband a victim of her narcissistic father. Yet her husband stood strong beside her, even after he discovered the truth. That’s true love." The book contains poetry and photos. You can purchase both books here .All printed copies ordered from this site are personally signed and shipped by Viga Boland.
.
As if this is not enough work, Viga Boland has developed a Facebook group to support others in their stories, along with a printed magazine for memoir writers, available for purchase at her website. You can request to join the group Memoirabilia here.
March 3, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* on Women's History, the Beatles + Your Vote
I wasn't always eager to vote because I was brought up to believe my opinion did not matter. My stepfather trained me to deny my interests early on by repeating: "Children should be seen and not heard." He disparaged my fondness for reading, art, and the Beatles. When I was 8 years old, Beatlemania swept the country. The girls at school swooned over John, Paul, George, and Ringo. We traded Beatles’ cards the way boys traded baseball cards. I waited with anticipation to see The Fab Four on The Ed Sullivan Show. However, my stepfather forbade me to watch the show. He said, "The whole world has gone bloody hysterical over a group of mop-haired, no-talent freaks. Those hooligans are out to ruin American youth and embarrass Great Britain. You call that music? I call it crap!" I learned that my voice had no power and my values were insignificant.
When I was 18, I got my voter's registration only so that I had an ID for bars. Why should I vote? What difference would my vote make? Who cares what I think? How can I make a decision without my parents telling me what to think and how to feel (or not feel)? These questions are not unique to me; they are common amongst people who have been abused, devalued, and disregarded.
Fast forward: My therapist told me that my inner messages were stifled by the opinions of others. Through her I learned that my interests and opinions do indeed matter. At least, they matter to me now. And I have a responsibility to acknowledge them and take action.
Go ahead, form an opinion and exercise your rights! You matter! Your opinion is important! Your vote is essential! If you need inspiration to get out there and vote, watch the movie Iron Jawed Angels. The story illustrates all that women pioneers had to go through to ensure that we have the right to make our voices heard!
*Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted.
Post completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
When I was 18, I got my voter's registration only so that I had an ID for bars. Why should I vote? What difference would my vote make? Who cares what I think? How can I make a decision without my parents telling me what to think and how to feel (or not feel)? These questions are not unique to me; they are common amongst people who have been abused, devalued, and disregarded.
Fast forward: My therapist told me that my inner messages were stifled by the opinions of others. Through her I learned that my interests and opinions do indeed matter. At least, they matter to me now. And I have a responsibility to acknowledge them and take action.
Go ahead, form an opinion and exercise your rights! You matter! Your opinion is important! Your vote is essential! If you need inspiration to get out there and vote, watch the movie Iron Jawed Angels. The story illustrates all that women pioneers had to go through to ensure that we have the right to make our voices heard!
*Tolson 4 TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted.
Post completed by Lynn C. Tolson, author of Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
February 22, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Cheers RAACE: Race Against Abuse of Children Everywhere
Thank you to RAACE.org for featuring author of
Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story
, Lynn C. Tolson, in it's February 2015 newsletter.
You can read Lynn C. Tolson's interview with RAACE in it's entirety here (click)
RAACE stands for The Race Against Abuse of Children Everywhere. From the website: "A 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to eliminating child sexual abuse before it happens. Our mission is to raise public awareness and provide tools to help families protect children at home, in their community, and all over the world. Child sexual abuse is a silent epidemic that remains taboo and therefore thrives in the shadows of society. RAACE is dedicated to changing that, because we believe that preventing abuse starts with awareness."
Visit the RAACE website to see how the organization participates in a "variety of family-centric venues including concerts, picnics, community events, sporting events and the like, where our RAACE team members adorn our branded purple and gold to help us spread awareness and break the silence of the epidemic of child sexual abuse." You will find resources for parents, teens, and survivors at the site.
*Tolson4TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted.
You can read Lynn C. Tolson's interview with RAACE in it's entirety here (click)
RAACE stands for The Race Against Abuse of Children Everywhere. From the website: "A 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to eliminating child sexual abuse before it happens. Our mission is to raise public awareness and provide tools to help families protect children at home, in their community, and all over the world. Child sexual abuse is a silent epidemic that remains taboo and therefore thrives in the shadows of society. RAACE is dedicated to changing that, because we believe that preventing abuse starts with awareness."
Visit the RAACE website to see how the organization participates in a "variety of family-centric venues including concerts, picnics, community events, sporting events and the like, where our RAACE team members adorn our branded purple and gold to help us spread awareness and break the silence of the epidemic of child sexual abuse." You will find resources for parents, teens, and survivors at the site.
*Tolson4TEARS: Telling Everyone About Rape & Suicide, so no shed tear is wasted.
February 15, 2015
Tolson 4 TEARS* Reviews "No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest"
Review of No Tears for my Father: A True Story of Incest by Viga Boland
No Tears for my Father is a memoir about the abuse of a girl at the hands of her father. At the beginning, the author offers a “trigger warning” to protect those who may experience flashbacks while reading and ruminating over the horrible treatment of a precious child. A true story about incest is bound to be an emotionally charged read.
Viga’s style of story telling is straightforward: she stays with the story in a manner that clearly states the torture she suffered. She writes, "That's the way it happened and that's how it must be told." The content is not veiled by vague metaphors, but is conveyed in concise detail. Viga explores the betrayal and brainwashing she endured via the despicable mind-games and manipulations delivered by her father. He was a narcissistic, dangerous, mean-spirited monster who played on her sympathies with his delusions over his own perceived victimhood. Viga was taught by him to bear the responsibility for his well-being; there was no relief for her, from girlhood to adulthood. Meanwhile, her broken mother offered no safety or security, so her depraved father took everything from Viga, body, mind, and spirit. The reader cannot walk away without an understanding of the evil inherent in incest.
The torment Viga was subjected to was a daily occurrence in her seemingly ordinary childhood houses, from Australia to Canada. Nobody could rescue her from her father’s obsessive control vis a vis unfathomable abuse. No one would estimate the depths of her fear of the man who seemed to be an ordinary neighbor. This illustrates the prevalence of abuse in the privacy of homes.
With pictures, poetry, and prose, Viga Boland exposes her vulnerabilities. The reader may comprehend how difficult it is for a writer to share the worst wounds. Yet there is strength to behold as the story unfolds. Both reader and writer are better for having finished this book because it serves as a genuine gift of hope and healing.
Viga Boland @vintageblogger is active in the advocacy network, sharing her knowledge and experience to help facilitate recovery for those affected by trauma. She's developed videos that offer information about incest and abuse, which can be viewed here http://www.youtube.com/vigaland
You can visit COMING OUT FROM UNDER INCEST which Viga Boland developed as "the blog of an incest survivor, designed to encourage other survivors of child sexual abuse to open up & talk about incest." In addition, she has a Facebook page and group page Speak Out From Under.
When you finally come out from underAnd absolve yourself of blameWhen you cast aside the crippling fearsAnd rid yourself of shameAs you peel away the layersTo expose the soul belowYou will come to love that personThe one you didn't know.© Viga Boland 2012
The sequel to No Tears for My Father is Learning to Love Myself, a memoir of rebirth and recovery from abuse. "In keeping silent about the abuse for over 40 years of marriage, Viga indirectly also made her husband a victim of her narcissistic father. Yet her husband stood strong beside her, even after he discovered the truth. That’s true love." The book contains poetry and photos. You can purchase both books here .All printed copies ordered from this site are personally signed and shipped by Viga Boland.
.
As if this is not enough work, Viga Boland has developed a Facebook group to support others in their stories, along with a printed magazine for memoir writers, available for purchase at her website. You can request to join the group Memoirabilia here.
No Tears for my Father is a memoir about the abuse of a girl at the hands of her father. At the beginning, the author offers a “trigger warning” to protect those who may experience flashbacks while reading and ruminating over the horrible treatment of a precious child. A true story about incest is bound to be an emotionally charged read.
Viga’s style of story telling is straightforward: she stays with the story in a manner that clearly states the torture she suffered. She writes, "That's the way it happened and that's how it must be told." The content is not veiled by vague metaphors, but is conveyed in concise detail. Viga explores the betrayal and brainwashing she endured via the despicable mind-games and manipulations delivered by her father. He was a narcissistic, dangerous, mean-spirited monster who played on her sympathies with his delusions over his own perceived victimhood. Viga was taught by him to bear the responsibility for his well-being; there was no relief for her, from girlhood to adulthood. Meanwhile, her broken mother offered no safety or security, so her depraved father took everything from Viga, body, mind, and spirit. The reader cannot walk away without an understanding of the evil inherent in incest.
The torment Viga was subjected to was a daily occurrence in her seemingly ordinary childhood houses, from Australia to Canada. Nobody could rescue her from her father’s obsessive control vis a vis unfathomable abuse. No one would estimate the depths of her fear of the man who seemed to be an ordinary neighbor. This illustrates the prevalence of abuse in the privacy of homes.
With pictures, poetry, and prose, Viga Boland exposes her vulnerabilities. The reader may comprehend how difficult it is for a writer to share the worst wounds. Yet there is strength to behold as the story unfolds. Both reader and writer are better for having finished this book because it serves as a genuine gift of hope and healing.
Viga Boland @vintageblogger is active in the advocacy network, sharing her knowledge and experience to help facilitate recovery for those affected by trauma. She's developed videos that offer information about incest and abuse, which can be viewed here http://www.youtube.com/vigaland
You can visit COMING OUT FROM UNDER INCEST which Viga Boland developed as "the blog of an incest survivor, designed to encourage other survivors of child sexual abuse to open up & talk about incest." In addition, she has a Facebook page and group page Speak Out From Under.
When you finally come out from underAnd absolve yourself of blameWhen you cast aside the crippling fearsAnd rid yourself of shameAs you peel away the layersTo expose the soul belowYou will come to love that personThe one you didn't know.© Viga Boland 2012
The sequel to No Tears for My Father is Learning to Love Myself, a memoir of rebirth and recovery from abuse. "In keeping silent about the abuse for over 40 years of marriage, Viga indirectly also made her husband a victim of her narcissistic father. Yet her husband stood strong beside her, even after he discovered the truth. That’s true love." The book contains poetry and photos. You can purchase both books here .All printed copies ordered from this site are personally signed and shipped by Viga Boland.
.
As if this is not enough work, Viga Boland has developed a Facebook group to support others in their stories, along with a printed magazine for memoir writers, available for purchase at her website. You can request to join the group Memoirabilia here.
Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson, blog
This is the blog at goodreads for the author Lynn C. Tolson. The blog will keep readers up-to-date on her memoir Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story. The blog has links to interviews, videos, po
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