Roxanne Modafferi's Blog, page 5

My feelings about fighting, fan questions, and stuff

My next fight is Sep 12th and I’m feeling great about my technical improvements. I’m tired of saying “I wanna show the skills I’ve learned!” because in my last fight, I showed a WHOLE LOT of new skills, but I lost. I gotta win. I don’t care if I show skills anymore. I just wanna win. ~_~ Fighters have zero job security.

I can’t believe it’s August already! Where did this year go?! Oh yeah, I remember. So many people have died from this virus, but it slightly affects others. What a weird situation? What’s the point of ‘tracking’ people who had it at this point? It’s everywhere.

I tried so hard to pursue various goals during lock down and now I’ve let most of them go for lack of time, or lack of motivation. I went to play the piano the other morning and realized I had forgotten how to read the notes.

Tireless training, Axe Throwing, lotsagirls, One Piece, My next fight

I’ve been training very hard in preparation for my fight against Andrea Lee. She has improved a lot over the years since I last fought her, but then again, so have I. Her grappling has gotten better. Mine has, too, as well as my striking. I’m out of lockdown and able to train in a cage again.

I dunno, I don’t really feel like talking about training but it’s the thing I’m focusing the most on.

I haven’t written my story or played the piano in a month now.

Our group of female fighters is growing at Syndicate. The other day we had TEN WOMEN on the mat. I think that’s the most I’ve ever been around, even when I was with the AACC or Keishukai! Four of us are in the UFC (me, JoJo, Emily, Nicco) and two are with Invicta (Serena, Valerie). It’s great. And Jeslen wasn’t there that day.

UFC FN 40 and afterwards

I barely even want to write a blog because I don’t want to talk about things.

Maybe I should start with thank yous.

Thank you to Heather and Tera at the UFC Performance institute for helping me rehab my injuries and allow me to enter my fight pain free. Thanks Dr. B for treating me. Thanks Lorenzo for getting me in shape under difficult circumstances so I could enter the octagon in good cardio shape for my fight against Lauren. Thank you to John for cornering me. I wish we had more time to get back into the swing of things after the lock down ended and I healed up. Huge thanks to AJ for all the tools he added to my tool box in and out of lockdown, training me when the gym was closed, cornering me, being a huge support to me in general, and being an awesome friend. Thank you to Lorenzo for making me a priority. You make me feel like a professional athlete and had my back like I’ve never experienced before. Thanks for being my family when my family can’t be here.

I’m 100% responsible for my fight once I’m in that cage. People helped me get there, but it’s no one’s fault if I lose. I’m crushed that I wasn’t able to pull off the win.

back stage before my fight

I wanted to overcome my challenges and get a victory. I guess even making it to the fight was overcoming many different things. “After all, someone is fighting you back.” I think it was Lorenzo who said that.

Despite beating Maycee, last time I was somewhat disappointed I wasn’t able to do more Muay Thai stuff on my feet, things AJ showed me. I really wanted to.
This time, despite losing, I WAS able to throw more attacks I hadn’t been able to do before, so I achieved those goals! So I’m proud of myself for that. I just couldn’t win…it crushed me.

AJ decided to move away, but waited until after my fight. Thank you for that. I wanted to send him off with a win together, and it was the worst that I couldn’t do that. Coaches get hurt when their fighters lose, too. I am sorry, AJ, John, and Lorenzo.

If only this. If only that. I shouldn’t think this way but it’s nearly impossible not to. A smart person tries to not make the same mistakes twice.

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – JUNE 20: (R-L) Roxanne Modafferi punches Lauren Murphy in their flyweight bout during the UFC Fight Night event at UFC APEX on June 20, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Chris Unger/Zuffa LLC)

It was a good, close fight.

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – JUNE 20: (L-R) Lauren Murphy punches Roxanne Modafferi in their flyweight bout during the UFC Fight Night event at UFC APEX on June 20, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Chris Unger/Zuffa LLC)



LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – JUNE 20: (R-L) Roxanne Modafferi punches Lauren Murphy in their flyweight bout during the UFC Fight Night event at UFC APEX on June 20, 2020 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Chris Unger/Zuffa LLC)

Congratulations to Lauren on her victory. She trained and fought hard, and deserves the opportunities she gets. We all had our struggles and challenges leading up to the fight. You have to win no matter what difficulties surround you.

A week passed of me limping around, depressed every night, not wanting to train, and binge-eating. The swelling on my elbow finally started going down. (The bursa sacks on my elbows are damaged from me elbowing people’s skulls, so after every fight they swell up and I can’t bend my arms.) Other stuff started hurting less. I started getting the itch… “I wish I were better at that…..and this….” I didn’t even want to do it, but forced myself to started drilling techniques around my injuries. I have to be better than the me that lost in the past. I hate that insufficient little me of the past who caused me so much pain, so I have to work hard to get stronger.

I got a lot of joy out of returning to teaching my kids class, which was so small due to Covid-19. Their energy is so precious and angelic!

Every day when I go into Syndicate, and immediately to my right is the Muay Thai mat. I always say hi to AJ, and then say hi to Mama Wood at the front desk, drop my bags in the changing rooms, and go say hi to John in the cage. Now, I look to the right and AJ’s not there…

Everybody has their own lives to lead so I’m happy for him! My clinch buddy Helena is also not there. I miss training with her!!

Finally last week, my elbow swelling went down a lot and I was able to train a bit. All the improvements I have made over the past months are there, I realized! It felt great!

Then I got another fight offer to fight Andrea Lee Sep 12th. Really? Cool, I guess? I hadn’t even emotionally recovered from the last fight. Of course I said yes to the offer. It got leaked by the end of the day.

The next day I woke up a little more excited. Even though Coach AJ is gone, he’s not! He put an axe in my hands and I’m going to keep sharpening it. (literally and figuratively) Coaches leave bits of themselves with their students. I’ve had so many teachers…I still do stuff K-Taro taught me in Japan, Kadowaki, Katsumura, Capitao…. I don’t see them anymore at all, but they’ll always be with me.

We went axe throwing in January

Now I get another chance sooner rather than later. I can’t wait to train more with John, Mike Pyle, and teammates. I know what I have to do.

Team “Thug Thai” Ezekiel and Noah

I’m excited about taking jiujitsu class with the Shapiro Brothers now!

Jerry Shapiro

Gotta pull myself together! Life won’t wait. My life is a race – gotta RUN RUN RUN!!! Life isn’t perfect. Handle it! And I gotta do it with a smile because that’s my job – I’m the Happy Warrior. The depressed happy warrior but I’ll keep going and get this win this time. haha I need more ice cream. Just kidding, I went up to 147 lbs due to sodium imbalance after my fight and also eating, but yesterday went back to 141. Geez. That was disgusting.

I kind of wanted to visit my family, and I usually take a trip after fights. They’re in New York, New Jersey, and Florida, so now is definitely NOT a good time to go to these places.

Out of quarantine and BOOM! I’m fighting in seven days

I haven’t really updated my blog at all! Sorry! There are several reasons for that, one being I wasn’t supposed to admit to training during quarantine. -_-; Which I did. Uh sorry not sorry? and NOW it’s fight week!! I’m fighting Lauren Murphy is seven days. Holy crap.

But as a result of training hard through lock-down, I leveled up technique-wise and got physically stronger!

Training has been really good lately. AJ’s garage was nice. Syndicate is finally open, so it’s also good to be training in a cage again where I can bump into the wall and not worry about crashing through to the other side, or giving someone a concussion. lol

I’m thrilled that my quarantine buddy Kelly joined Syndicate! I love her!! We met in AJ’s garage and made friends. This is awesome! lmao

With Kelly after kickboxing in a park … “Park-Thai”

I think I’ve successfully absorbed and merged AJ’s style and certain techniques into my striking style that Coach John helped me develop over the past seven years.

Thanks, Jeslen, for having my back a lot with coming in for shark tank training and teaching the kids.

Jeslen and John

Everything is coming togther. My last training session was really good.

I got my kids class back! Heck yeah! A lot going on there. I’m so happy. My heart is rejoicing. You guys have no idea.

I’ve had some trouble falling asleep lately for the first time in many years because things are on my mind. But it’s going to be okay.

AJ recently said to me, “Attack them with your defense.” Just seeing that in text implies fighting technique. However, if I really think about biting down on my mouthpiece, and going forward no matter how much it hurts, it kind of means something more. Like in life. You either attack life, or if you’re on the defensive… you defend HARD while still going forward. Go forward. Always.

Roxy, AJ, Helena on “Clinch Wednesday”

Hindsight is going to be really interesting this time around, as I’m going through another major turning point in my life. All fights are major turning points. I really hope I win so I can take a step upwards. I know I can, and I’m determined to do it. I have answers. I’ve always had answers. Some answers are better than others, but they are answers none the less. I choose to be happy and focus on the wonderful things I have! I have so many wonderful, beautiful, fantastic things and people in my life. I’m so fortunate and happy.

I’ve been brave, I’ve felt weak, I’ve felt strong, I’ve felt terrified, I’ve felt confident, I’ve felt frustrated, I’ve felt super happy and I’ve felt super sad… I’ve cried hard and laughed hard. I’ve felt a lot of things but one thing I know is that it’s fine.

There are no feelings in the Octagon. It doesn’t matter how strongly you feel about anything in there.

I’m going to test the results of my training and struggle.

with strength trainer Lorenzo

I want to make the people who’ve supported me feel appreciated. I want them to feel like I’m a top 5-ranked UFC athlete because of their help. I want to feel like somebody’s priority. I want some things to change and I want some things to stay the same.

I want so many things, but I can’t take those thoughts into the Octagon with me. That’s the kind of stuff that stresses a person out. All I have to focus on applying my techniques to her better than she can to me. As my fight approaches, things become more simple. I make them more simple. Speaking of simple, there’s somebody who inspires me who’s really good at that. Luffy.

Monkey D. Luffy – the future King of Pirates?!

I’ve gotten back into the anime “One Piece” lately! A few years have gone by and now I’m on episode 796… out of 969. NINE HUNDRED AND FREAKING SIXTY NINE. I’ve been watching One Piece for 18 years. Anyway, Luffy is simple: “Oh I just have to beat him up and the problem will be solved?” Well, yes, but no. But actually yes. Sometimes complicated things ARE so simple.

Thank you to my sponsor My Consumer I.T. For sponsoring my blog. https://www.mcithouston.com/ Network Support, Server and Computer Setup Support Services!

I also picked up a new sponsor in Collectorcup!

Use code “ROXY” if you order anything to get 10% off! They have anime and video game stuff.

Also “No Gi BJJ Gear” has cool unique products!!

Pikachu rash guard from no-gi

So https://www.nogibjjgear.com/ is the website and “Roxy20” is the code to use to get 20% off if you order. And I get credit.

Also a few fans have donated to my fight camp. Thank you T. C. and J & J.

Bizarre days with the Corona Virus lurking around

This is a very bizarre and difficult time for everyone. First, the corona virus was some sickness in China, and not a huge deal. Then it became a very big deal very suddenly, but only in some places. Everybody has a different perspective based on their job, their location, and their level of health. At first, I really enjoyed funny memes about the virus, and people getting fat from not training, making fun of people having parties in large groups, etc. Now it’s like….omg. This is insane.

I’m living in Las Vegas. About four weeks ago, the governor shut down schools early, and Vegas started canceling large events. They suggested people avoid public gatherings. Some MMA and jiujitsu gyms planned to take one or two weeks off. Then, three weeks ago, the governor ordered a mandatory shut down of all non-essential businesses. Now, gyms, including my gym Syndicate MMA had no choice but to close! Okay it started effecting my life big-time. We had one team practice and then that became prohibited as well. I trained in the park with teammates, and a few garages.

four weeks ago with Helena and Serena



training with Lorenzo – now we wear masks

Avery’s garage 4 weeks ago



Muay Thai with AJ

Things became more serious in places like New York, Washington State, Cali, NJ, etc, and people all over started worrying about their elderly relatives, or those with preexisting conditions. People in Vegas were getting sick. One of my best friends Candy is a nurse and is involved in all this, and I hear a lot things from her. Lorenzo is in the medical business and I hear things from him.

Then started the realization….. like, whoa, cut back all this garage training. People are friends with or married to so and so who came into contact with somebody, and who knows where they’ve been? That means I could become be a carrier if we all come into contact with each other.

I miss Helena and Serena, who I used to train with every day. -_-; I miss Coach John, JoJo, Jeslen, everybody at team Syndicate. I miss my kids class and students! I miss Dunham jiujitsu friends!

I was supposed to do an MMA seminar in Nashville at KSA. Canceled it. Was supposed to fight in Submission Underground. Withdrew. I thought it was supposed to be a good month!

Well, good things did happen last month.

I can’t write about or post about anything related to walking out my front door without getting flamed, lectures, and negative comments from fans, AND friends AND teammates. And I’m actually trying to be careful and follow all the rules! Please go to the parks and tells the kids and teenagers to stop congregating. Also, could you please tell the parents that it’s not okay if your kids wrestle each other while you stand six feet apart, because it’s the same thing?

I witnessed this.

So first, I cleaned my apartment and organized stuff. Then I thought, what are things I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have time for? The answer is….! Writing my third book! I wanted to write another memoirs book but I hadn’t really figured out how to organize it. Once I get in the mood to start writing, I can keep going. That’s what I’ve been doing. Usually, I don’t have enough energy in my every day life. I come home from training and teaching utterly exhausted. Now, I’m doing some physical activity in the morning and I have all afternoon and evening to write. I’m banging out at least five pages a day. I’ve gotten some friends to help me edit. It would be cool if I had completely finish product by the time the quarantine was over.

I’ve been watching lots of Cells at Work, How to Train your Dragon : Race to the Edge.

I also want to develop my cooking skills more, but now it’s so hard to find stuff in the grocery store, it’s kind of dampening my enthusiasm. I managed to make stuffed peppers, and chicken cutlets well before I kinda got bummed out. I’m gonna start baking a bit now. I couldn’t find baking powder or flour for a few weeks but finally located some.

I’ve been thinking a lot about different things in my life. Let’s just say I’m going to be better in many ways after this quarantine is over. I’ve made some friends along the way, strengthened some relationships, and am trying so hard to keep in contact with people I can’t see right now. I’m doing the most I can to the best of my ability to improve my life, and I’m waking up every day with a positive, if not stressed, attitude.

I don’t really want to join everybody in parroting “Stay home! Stay home!” Rather, I encourage people to take advantage of this time where we have no choice but to do different things in our lives.

My promotion, Invicta, my sleep, thoughts, depth, Syndicate Muay Thai, corona virus

Holy Moly, it’s been a month since I posted last! Well, I wrote an article on Bloodyelbow about getting my black belt.

So on February 15th, Mike went to Evan Dunhamn’s jiujitsu academy, where I train jiujitsu, and they promoted me together. It’s been a long crazy road! Click here to read about it: https://www.bloodyelbow.com/platform/amp/2020/3/9/21153955/power-rangers-black-belt-happy-warriors-roxanne-modafferi-19-year-bjj-journey-editorial

I cried from happiness a lot. And I now feel like I’m glowing inside. Constantly whenever I put it on. ^^ It’s been my goal for…EVER. I can’t even put it into words. Read the above article and see the picture I painted.

I’ve always imagined various scenarios of how I would get it, when, in the gym? Which gym? After a fight? After a match? On the podium? By who? I knew that none of those fantasies would happen just as I imagined them… they never do. But what happened was one of the best possible outcomes. I wanted Mike to be there, since I think he played a major role in my development from brown belt level to black. Rene and Taylor at Duhamn’s were the most influential in raising my gi jiujitsu level. I’ve had the good fortune to be able to take Evan’s classes when he teaches on Saturday lately.

Okay so that happened. I’ve really been doing a lot of thinking lately on people, teachers, teaching, levels, and depths of understanding. What’s the difference between a brown belt and a black belt? A lot, actually. The number of techniques known, competency at executing the moves in live competition, depth of understanding, and more. I feel that I have a high level of competency in my fights. I probably know a medium/average number of moves. I have a deep understanding of things like chokes, armbars, and sweeps. However, somebody like Matt B from Dunhamn’s is still a brown belt, but I think he knows a greater number of techniques than I do (I took a class he taught), and has a pretty deep knowledge of his favorite moves. Taylor is good at leg locks but not so much spider guard.

I never really looked at it that way, as analyzing people like that. Now I can see everyone has a different depth of understanding about different things.

So a few weeks ago my bestie fought in the Invicta FC Phoenix rising bantam weight tournament! She was supposed to be on the card as an alternate but somebody pulled out and she got put in! SHE PERFORMED SO WELL!

She won the first round smashingly. Lovely elbows and clinch-work! I mean, it’s not like I’ve been trying to try all my AJ-clinch stuff on her for the past six months or anything like that. ^_^ She’s also been working elbows with assistant coach Marvin “Beastman” Eastman. She lost her second round fight by split decision which I think is crap. I think she won it. :/

She wanted to cosplay Sailor Moon and looked great! I got the Luna outfit but only wore the top….for now.

My win at UFC 246 did a lot for me

I wrote about my account of the fight in my Bloodyelbow found here: https://www.bloodyelbow.com/2020/1/29/21082100/fighting-future-roxanne-modafferi-talks-maycee-barber-win-thoughts-ufc-246-cerrone-vs-mcgregor

Man, my life is such an adventure. I feel like each week is a unique experience with eventful things, and emotional rollercoasters. I should be writing more. LOL I’m just so tired coming home every day, I literally don’t have the energy to write it all down. Right now, it’s 8:45 PM and I’m usually falling asleep. I had dinner with my friends Jack and Jan, visiting for a Keno tournament, so I’m still full and not sleepy.

My win at UFC 246 did so much for me. Obviously I made my show money AND win money, which is great. I was able to invest in my IRA, invest in a few stocks my father told me to for retirement, and then save the rest to live on for the year. I think I’ve talked about before how a fighter’s life change majorly as a result of a win or loss. It’s so crazy because with a loss, they may have put just as much energy, good training, and effort into preparation as they did for a win, but it just turned out that way, and they have to suffer for it. Thankfully, this was my night. Maycee and her father’s actions and statements actually kept us in the news an extra week, which was good publicity for ME, not for them, unfortunately. She’s getting a lot of hate now, which is kind of a shame…. I wish her a speedy recovery and a victory in the future, of course.

So I’m always the underdog, and it seems like the majority of fans on websites and social media keep saying “I’m going to get killed or smashed” just based on my looks. However, I think I impressed everybody those weeks ago because now even people on SHERDOG are saying my striking looked sharp, and I shouldn’t be underestimated. Sherdoggers have been the worst, IMO. lol I’m an Underground girl. Reddit’s pretty cool, too. Maybe I’ll read more sherdog now that they’re not saying nasty things anymore.

I feel like I had a lot of anime fans, nerd fans, parent fans, martial arts fans, hard-core old school fans, and NOW I feel like I got a lot of JUST BLEED violence-loving fans. It was what I had kind of hoped for and it ended up happening.

copyright UFC

Our fight was on the ESPN TV spot, so it got 1.9 million views. Now, when people are taking polls as to who Valentina the champ should fight next, my name is actually coming up and people aren’t saying I’m going to get slaughtered. Uh, thanks!

New Years resolution? I have none. My 2019 highlights (pics)

Everybody is talking about their New Years resolutions. Last year, mine was to practice Japanese at least twice a week, including talking on the phone to a Japanese friend once a week. I have successfully completed this, and every year I set this resolution.

This year? I actually can’t think of one. I mean, I have goals (win my next fight, improve jiujitsu and maybe get promoted, learn to dance country). However, I feel like ‘goals’ are things you work towards, while a resolution is a change in behavior or something you decide. Hmm… I asked my mom today, and this is what she said:

That’s right! When I realize there’s an issue, I try and deal with it. If there’s a challenge, I attack it immediately, so I don’t have to keep worrying about it. For example, after teaching kids, I re-tied my hair and just went home, never looking in the mirror. If I stopped by the supermarket or Walmart, occasionally I’d run into fans who would want a picture. Then I regretted not fixing my hair properly. It was fuzzy and sticking out everywhere. I looked terrible. I mean, at the risk of sounding sexist, girls are supposed to be presentable in pubic. I made a self-promise: “Don’t go out anywhere without fixing your appearance that you wouldn’t want a fan to get a picture of and plaster all over the internet.” THIS HAS SERVED ME WELL since I started making an effort. Also, I decided recently to try and dress a little more fashionably. Sarah Kaufman and JoJo strongly encouraged/half forced me to buy skinny jeans. My first pair. Go ahead and laugh but it’s hard for me. I’m self-conscious, okay?

I also went to country dance club (with Helena), which is hard for me because I don’t dance because I’m self-conscious, kinda awkward, etc. You wouldn’t guess that, right? Some random guy asked me to dance and I did! And it was hard! But we’re supposed to do hard things because we grow.

Lorenzo told me, “I think you’ve grown the most in the past six months both as an athlete and a person.” I agree. I’ve started to put two and two together in regards to the movements I do in his physical training and what I do in fighting more than I ever have in the past.

I’ve been dropping in to Dunham Jiujitsu academy for about two years irregularly, but I think in January 2019, I started making Saturday mornings consistent. My gi jiujitsu game was elevated a lot this year. Thanks Taylor Ninja, Rene Lopez ( I miss your classes soooo much… I sacrificed that class for Muay Thai time x_x I’ll try and come back more after my fight), and recently Evan Dunham himself.

The ladies taking on Ben

February: I trained a lot with Mike Pyle last year, but then he stopped teaching classes, so I continued with privates. My no-gi jiujitsu game was elevated.

In February, my uncle Fran passed away from cancer at 69 years old. I loved him. I visited home for the funeral.

March: My kids class has been growing constantly all year. My students are a great source of pride and love for me. I want to give them everything.

giving Scarlet a stripe

In April, I went to Russia, fought, and beat Antonina Schevchenko! Coach John really had an excellent gameplan for me, and had me drill all the appropriate techniques that helped me win. Mike helped me also, and I’ve been feeling stronger and stronger from Lorenzo’s strength and conditioning training.

ST PETERSBURG, RUSSIA – APRIL 20, 2019: Kyrgyz mixed martial artist Antonina Shevchenko (L) and American mixed martial artist Roxanne Modafferi in their women’s flyweight bout as part of the UFC Fight Night 149 at Yubileyny Sports Palace. Valery Sharifulin/TASS (Photo by Valery Sharifulin\TASS via Getty Images)



What a trip! Thanks, Mike and John, for coming with me

Huge accomplishment for me!

Mike, me, John

Several days later, I went to Boston for my dad’s retirement party. I’m so proud of him and look up to him as my number one hero! He worked so hard all his life and totally deserves all the success he’s got. However, he also had many failures and roadblocks that he overcame. I don’t believe in “It is what it is” and “things work out.” You MAKE them workout. You CHANGE what you don’t like. Life is unfair. Suck it up and work harder.

Some time around the beginning of the year, Vinny’s jiujitsu team merged with ours and I had to change the way I ran my class a bit. I love Vinny, but that merge was not a fun adjustment.

My fight is official! Christmas, Star Wars

I’m fighting Maycee Barber on January 18th in the T-Mobile Arena. It got set a few months ago, and leaked almost immediately, but I wasn’t given the official go-ahead to talk about it, even though everybody knew about it. :/ Now I can. Whoohoo.

Maycee has a lot of hype behind her, and well-deserved – she’s an undefeated 8-0 and TKO-ed her last five opponents. That’s fine, though. I like her. She’s always been nice to me when I ran into her at the UFC Performance Institute, and always talks about hard work. I fully appreciate that myself, being a ‘no natural talent, achieve by hard work’ kind of girl. Apparently she’s been training since she was a kid? It makes me wonder if any of my little jiujitsu students will turn into an MMA fighter some day. I’m going to look to exploit her weaknesses, and I’ve been working tirelessly to fill in mine. I have so many things I want to do in this fight! Too many things!! Actually a personal challenge for me will be to not try and FORCE them to happen. I want it so badly….

I feel I’ve grown so much lately, and funny enough, my trainer Lorenzo told me just that the other day, that over the past six months, he’s seen me grow as a fighter and as a person more than he’s ever seen. How cool to hear that from someone I respect.

I’m the biggest underdog on the card, I think, which is normal and fine. Just bet money on me and win!

I REALLY love when news websites and people use my weigh-in pics with my awesome hair to announce my fights.

Kid Roxanne – the moral of the story

Kid Roxanne walked down the middle school hallway. She was in 6th grade. That made her eleven. In hindsight, it was her least favorite school year because of the bullies.

“Hey, Roxanne, when’s the flood coming?” one of her bullies called out. People around him snickered as they walked past each other. He was referring, of course, to the fact she rolled up her jeans because they were too long. They hung at a normal length at her ankles. She didn’t see the problem, but apparently, it was a fashion no-no.
“Who cares?” her mom’s voice rang in her head.

“Yeah, who cares?” she said to herself. At least she wore jeans. It was so hard to find clothes a perfect fit. She had resisted for years because they were uncomfortable, and got teased mercilessly for wearing leggings and baggy t-shirts.

She got her books out of her locker.

“Roooooxanne,” somebody screamed at her. “You don’t have to turn on the red light!”

Shut up with that stupid song again! she wanted to say.

“Just ignore them,” said her mom’s voice. So, she ignored them and walked by, seething. It was English time! She said hi to her teacher Mr. Kelly, and he greeted her warmly. She loved all her teachers. They were the only ones nice to her nowadays, ever since her best friend Arrie Annie got stuck in another section of the school. English was her best subject, although grammar stuff was boring. She loved writing. Most of her teachers liked her because she was attentive and got good grades. Big surprise.

“Alright, class, it’s time for your FAVORITE THING!” Mr. Kelly said. The class collectively held their breaths. “Commas!”

“Awwwwwwwww!” everyone cried out.

“Alright, alright, I’ll make you a deal,” Mr. Kelly laughed, passing out papers. “You guys get perfect scores on this comma quiz, and we won’t study commas today.”

“YAY!” everyone cried… and then most people made lots of mistakes. Roxanne got only one answer wrong, but she had wanted to be perfect.

Class progressed with boring things she already knew, and then it was time for lunch. She sat down next to a few other nerdy people who didn’t tease her much. Then, unfortunately, a few more meaner kids sat down across the table.

“My dad’s name is Steve,” one said. “Hey, Roxanne. What’s YOUR dad’s name? I bet it’s stupid.” Roxanne tried to ignore them and eat. “HEY! It’s rude not to answer people when they’re talking!”

Roxanne thought for a moment. She liked her dad’s name. “My dad’s name is Rocco!” she said.
“Rocco?” the bully said. “What kind of name is ROCCO?”

“Actually!” Roxanne’s face lit up. “Rocco is an Italian name! My dad is 100% Italian! He’s so cool! His name is so cool! I love his name! Rocco is so cool!”

The other kids went silent. “Oh, well….” one of them mumbled. “What’s your MOM”s name?”

“Her name is Catherine but her friends call her ‘Kitty.’ Isn’t that such a great nick name?” Roxanne said. She kind of held her breath on that one… there seemed to be some teasing potential there.

The kids looked at each other. “Hey, Sarah, what’s your dad’s name…”

Roxanne was so excited that they left her alone after that.
“If you don’t let stuff bother you, and let them see that it doesn’t bother you, kids won’t get any fun out of teasing you,” her mom always said.

Roxanne was a quirky girl. Kids called her “weird.”

“You’re not ‘weird,’ you’re ‘unique,'” her mom always said. “It’s okay that you like what you like, and they like what they like. As long as YOU like it, that’s enough! Being different is good!” Roxanne learned to own it. OWN IT. The next time they asked her about imminent flooding, she retorted, “I like my jeans!” When they teased her about her long pigtails, she said she liked them as weapons, and whacked them with them.

Roxanne and her mom, 2018…and Aunt Mary’s hat

But somehow, she never got over the song. Maybe because she didn’t like the song. Luckily for her, she became a famous mixed martial artist on two reality TV shows, so now when people meet her, they say, “I’ve seen you on TV” instead of singing about a prostitute that Sting fell in love with.

LOL Bet’cha didn’t know that. Come on, ya’ll love the song so much, listen to the lyrics. You would not BELIEVE how many dozens of people started screaming the song to me in normal every day life after I started to introduce myself, including business settings.

Anyway, back to fun stuff!

I once saw a quote that said, “Our future selves are watching us through our memories.” What a cool idea and perspective! If only I could visit little Roxanne, crying at her window, wishing on the stars for friends! I’d tell her, “Don’t worry, Roxanne! Some day you will have your heart’s desire: friends. Lots of people will send you fan mail wanting to talk to you because of your unique personality that you got teased so mercilessly for! Some day, your fans will become your best friends. Some day, you will never be lonely.”

Judo with high school friends at 16 years old

The only people who tease me now are fans, or rather, ‘anti-fans,’ who say my striking sucks. Haha you know what? That’s fine that they say that because I know IT’S GOOD ENOUGH! It’s not perfect or beautiful, but I am owning that right now! It’s good enough to win.

SAINT PETERSBURG, RUSSIA – APRIL 20: (L-R) Roxanne Modafferi punches Antonina Shevchenko of Kyrgyzstan in their women’s flyweight bout during the UFC Fight Night event at Yubileyny Sports Palace on April 20, 2019 in Saint Petersburg, Russia. (Photo by Jeff Bottari/Zuffa LLC/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images)

Thanks, Mom, for you all you did.

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