Roxanne Modafferi's Blog, page 3

A review of my adventurous 2021 year – love, loss, travel, chaos

I’m going to review my year : 2021! I had many amazing adventures!

I bought a two bedroom condominium in January, and planned to move out of my one bedroom apartment into it as soon as my fight was over. I was set to face Viviane Araujo in Fight Island at the end of January.

Fight Island sucked for many reasons, firstly because of all the quarantining. All the staff were dressed in Hazmat suits. We couldn’t leave the hotel, or our rooms for a while. It hindered my training and it was annoying that we had to leave extra early, so I was away from my normal routine a long time. On the other hand, I’m so glad and grateful that the UFC made it possible for fighters to fight by doing it on Abu Dhabi. I’m thrilled to be a part of this great organization so I kept repeating to myself how lucky I was.

Another fighter from my gym, JoJo, was also fighting. I don’t like my teammates being on the same card because I want the focus of my coaches to be on me, but I had to share the attention. It sucked.

Maybe if I had won I would be able to look more on the bright side, but I lost by decision. She was the better fighter that night and I couldn’t apply my gameplan to her. I had to drag myself home by myself thanks to previously mentioned coaching issues. However, I would like to thank my coaches for going all the way to Abu Dhabi for my fight. (Our fight I guess) and supporting me. Us.

It was a really hard time for me. I just have bad feelings surrounding the experience. I’m trying really hard to be the happy warrior but it was hard. I guess I’m glad I get to earn a living training to get stronger, and being entertaining. I prepared and trained as hard as I could, though, and I especially want to thank Guns for all the wrestling lessons.

He made such a big effort for me and was my roommate for the quarantine days. I’m fortunate to have had him in my corner and supporting me with various things. I flew home into the loving arms of my boyfriend Chris with two huge black eyes. (btw it was great to fly business class). He picked me up and drove my to his home where I got loving and comforting that I’d never known before (not having had a serious boyfriend before.) It was wonderful!

I was so depressed after my loss, but smile and carry on, right? I moved into the condo! Whoohooo!

February! It was the FIRST EVER VALENTINE’S DAY I had with a boyfriend! Chris cooked me steak and put candles on the table! ^_^

Chris is doing manly things like building me a desk

I got a fight offer for Taila Santos in May! I accepted, although a little hesitantly. My right knee had been bothering me. I tried to take it easy and figured it would feel better. It wasn’t feeling better and in fact, got worse and worse. I got an offer to fight in March, in Submission Underground! My right knee was bothering me, but I have ALWAYS wanted to do SUG so whatever, I’d just do it. Then, it would test me, so I could see whether I could ignore my knee or not.

Chris came with me! It was awesome. Our first trip together! ^^

My knee got stuck out of alignment during my warmups back stage…I literally smacked it back in with my hand. HOLY CRAP that’s bad…. I knew then with a sinking heart that I’d have to cancel my fight and go get an MRI. But first, I had to fight Amanda Lowen for the belt. x_x

We fought. I couldn’t pass her guard except one time, but couldn’t finish the match. In over time, she escaped my arm bar but I couldn’t escape hers, so she won by decision. I felt my knee but it didn’t stop me from fighting. She armbarred me so she legitimately won the match, of course. No excuses there. I would love to try again, though. We all would if we lose, I guess.

I was depressed. Lost again. I take losing too seriously, probably. I had tried to train for it by doing extra grappling as best I could.

I was falling deeply in love with Chris, more and more every day.

I swear, I was still training every day, so all that stuff they say about getting a significant other and neglecting training wasn’t happening.

My personal life was amazing. I discovered happiness like I’d never known before!

Chris and I decided to live together! ^_^ After being together for five months. Let’s GOOOOOOOOO no time to waste. I knew he was the one for me. I could feel it. So let’s push up the schedule and see how smoothly things go.

In my fighting life, things weren’t great. On top of my knee, I felt like I was getting rocked in practice more. I was losing grappling matches and I was supposed to be good at jiujitsu. I struggled.

Finally I got an MRI and found I had a torn meniscus. NO! YES!! I was happy that there was something and not just my imagination. It could be fixed! In April, I had knee surgery on my meniscus. The doc said he didn’t know how bad it would be until he got in there. I would wake up from surgery hearing either a six-week recovery, or six months. Geez!

Chris cooked for me. Gangis Kind kept me company during the day.

Easter eggs with Chris and Serena

I loved teaching kids! I had achieved the leadership position and could make the curriculum, and hire new teachers. I also got a pay raise for the first time in eight years.

By the middle of MAY, my leg was healed enough to limp around on to teach kids and do stuff! My friend from Cali Celia visited.

Chris’ mom and step dad came to visit and stayed with us! It was the first time I met them and was wonderful! We went to the Ls Vegas Neon Sign museum. I like Chris’ family.

In JUNE, I went to Montana to corner Serena in her fight in Fusion Fight League against Elizabeth Philips. There I met Sydney “Sundance” Smith, who I would continue to be friends with afterwards!

In JULY, my cousin JoJo got married (not her below, that’s Cousin Alison) and I took Chris! I introduced Chris to most of my family! Yay! It was wonderful. They liked him.

Me, Mom, and Chris

My MMA fight with Taila got rescheduled to September.

I got an offer to do a grappling match in Fusion Fight League! I love that promotion! Sure! Chris went with me.

I lost. ;_; By Heelhook. DAMNIT not again! She had locked onto my leg that had just healed, and I was like, “F that I’m not limping home again.” So I just tapped. That suuuuuuuucked. I really enjoyed the trip, though.

In AUGUST, Chris and I went back to Montana for his uncle’s funeral. It was a sad occasion, but I loved meeting all his family and seeing the places he grew up. I’m soooooooo in looooooooove with himmmmmm.

Also, we decided to move into a one-story house because….tons of reasons. We hated having to carry poor doggo down the stairs because he falls. He wants to grill and we couldn’t in the condo.

September was a loaded month! It was my 39th birthday! I fought the day after my birthday. I met Robbie Lawler, someone who inspired me to start fighting, so that was epic. Lorenzo was in my corner for the first time, so that was cool. I did a great job with my weigh ins! That was fun. I had a really fun time surrounding my fight.

The fight itself didn’t go my way. I did alright but Taila ended up taking me down and outmaneuvering me. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do on the ground in those awkward positions. I was disappointed that I couldn’t hear my cornermen.

OCTOBER was fun….I had like four Halloween parties, and Coach John got married! (to JoJo). Lots of celebrations.

At this point, I realized that I’ve been having major epiphanies in my life, about how the world works, how people treat each other, human nature, etc. I’ve been disappointed by things, people, and our gov*cough*ment. Some negative things have been happening in my professional life and it’s been very eye opening. I’m learning so much from Chris. He’s very street-smart and savvy. I’m so glad we have similar opinions on important things. The world is going mad with the pandemic, vaccine, and power grabs all across the world.

I hate guns and I hate shooting, but I’m starting to learn and practice. I started going to ranges and to the desert to practice. I’m a decent shot thanks to hand-eye-coordination and video games, I guess. I must get better.

I started working a lot more with Muay Thai Coach and mentor Jonny Parsons. Our Syndicate wrestling coach Frank Hickman, who’s class I was very much looking forward to taking and changed my schedule to do so, told me that he’d be training my opponent. But of course he wouldn’t be spying or watching my training. While he’s still teaching at Syndicate.

Ummmm of course he won’t……… deez nuts!

So that’s been sucking. I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with him around. It sucks extra because he’s a nice guy. I understand having loyalty to another fighter. I respect that. It’s unfortunate that his fighter is my opponent at another gym. It’s not his fault, really. But I wish we don’t have to train in the same room every day….

I stepped down from leading the kids program, almost got KICKED OUT of the kids program, but still am allowed to teach once a week. Um…that’s not what I had expected would happened when I tried to teach less.

My best friend is training elsewhere and I think it’s good for her. Way to be strong, my friend. We are both just lonely now because we don’t see each other as much.

In NOVEMBER, a new girl named Hannah joined Syndicate and I’ve been training with her a lot.

I decided that my next fight, which makes 50 fights total, will be my last fight. They gave me Casey O’Neill. I’m excited to face her!

The Sluggernaut, me, and Lauren

I really needed a friend and good training partner I trusted, ( so I flew out Lauren Murphy! We made friends on the Ultimate Fighter season 26 and ended up fighting, but that’s okay. I HAD THE BEST TRAINING WEEK that I’ve had in a long time. We did private lessons together, I learned a lot, she gave me tips and pointers, and set me up in sparring to do the moves we learned. Thank you, Lauren! I’m excited for her to come back in a few weeks to help me just before my fight.

DECEMBER was nuts. I went to Florida with Chris for his fight in Titan FC. The fight lasted 21 seconds because he got blasted with an illegal knee because he was a grounded opponent. I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!

And then he proposed. lol Our engagement made headlines.

Chris vs Asa Ten Pow

We got back to Vegas. I got sick. Even the dog got sick. He couldn’t work and I couldn’t train, and neither of us could take Gangis to the vet. We celebrated Christmas together, which was nice, but being able to go out would have been nicer. Finally, I got better and took him. Found out he wasn’t going to make it so we dealt with that. We are still dealing….

I recovered completely so jumped into training for my fight with Casey, kind of freaking out, but my cardio is already better after a few weeks so yay.

I miss Gangis…

I have major goals for 2022.

win my last fightsecure my day jobget marrieddo lot of jiujitsu!

I won’t say a year is good or bad. I love living life! I’m excited for every day and to try and make the next day better than the one before! Now I have a life partner and it’s wonderfulllllllll! ^_^ I’m looking forward to waking up and not having to choose violence every day. I really just want to do jiujitsu.

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My not-so-merry Christmas, and the passing of our dog Gangis Kind

So Chris and I flew home from his fight in Florida on December 18th, Saturday. We were greeted by a happy bluenose pitbull – Gangis Kind – who my best friend Serena kindly dog-sat for us. He loves her. I love that he loves her. He goes over to her, sits down, and lets her pet him. It doesn’t even do that for me! It’s like sometimes he sniffs me, gets bored, and walks away to go lay down. lol

I know he’s arthritic and has a stiff gait, but I thought, “Gee, is it my imagination or has he slowed down a bit more?” He was fifteen years old. Chris got him when he was a puppy.

It felt good to be back. Sunday, we went to a Christmas party at the Pinball hall of fame. We hung out with a few people while eating, but then I discovered the Dance Dance Revolution dancing game and spent a lot of time on that.

Monday Chris had off from work to recover from his fight. I kinda felt like my immune system was crashing due to the stress of travel and just the fight. I felt like I might catch a cold, but then again, maybe I was just being a wuss and was tired form the time change. I went to practice but tried not to overdo it.

I decided to get C19 tested and it came back negative. Hmm alright. I dunno.

Monday night into Tuesday early morning I realized I had a fever. But I didn’t have nasal congestion like I do when I catch a cold. I felt tired and slept a lot. Felt like when I got C-19 in the summer of 2020. The other test said negative! “You probably got tested too early,” Chris said. I quarantined myself at home just in case so I wouldn’t spread anything. I waited a few days until my fever went down a bit, and then got tested at Pro Am Sports near Syndicate, waiting outside on the bench so I didn’t have to go inside. Popped positive. Dang it!

Thank you, Serena’s mom and Serena, for bringing us groceries again. Last time I had a fever for 2 days but this time it lasted five days. At first it was 100, and then for the last several days, it was 99, so not too horrible but still annoying. Then I got a little stuffy and spit up loogies now and then that were oddly colored, but I’m glad I didn’t have worse symptoms. I’d like to think my immune system is normally pretty strong and I am in good shape. So before, “they” told us to wait until we had no more symptoms and then wait like five days or something, and then get tested. This time, the CDC announced we only have to wait five days period to get retested. Man…I dunno about the CDC. They are trying, I guess. -_-; But whatever, I’m trying to use my common sense at this point, so when I started feeling strong and like I wanted to go jogging, I got tested (for the third time.) Negative after 8 days this time.

So I resumed life on Dec 28th.

Chrismas was nice because I was with Chris, but sucky because I felt sick. Our doggy had a fever. I couldn’t tell but Chris said he felt under his arm and his chest and he felt hot. He was acting very subdued, not moving around, not really eating. It was scary.

I asked Chris to drive me to the Las Vegas Speedway Christmas lights! I wanted to so something festive but we had to stay quarantined, so this was perfect. We stayed in our cars with our windows mostly rolled up. It was beautiful! Worth the time and money!

I watched a LOT of My Hero Academia…the entire season 5! That was cool. I also finished the second season of Lost in Space. I started watching Demon Slayer, the movie, but got reminded how much I dislike two of the three main characters so I’m going to have to give up the series. Sorry, Candy, I know you love that one but I just can’t STAND Zenitsu and Inosuke. At least I met Rengoku because I had been curious about him. He made me laugh.

Chris, thank you for the nice presents! ^^ You are my favorite present, though.

So finally after two weeks we felt safe enough to take Gangis to the vet because he just seemed like he wasn’t doing well. We told the vet he has C19, and then vet said, “Oh dogs can’t get C19….” which I heard they can…Chris and I looked at each other.

The vet bent over and felt Gangis’ stomach area. “It feels like he has enlarged organs,” he said. I’d like to do an X-ray.

Okay….but wait what?

I ended up leaving for a conditioning session….I felt bad leaving Chris but my cardio was zero and I have my last fight coming up in a month.

When I got back, Chris told me that Gangis has cancer. A lot of it.

What?!

The vet suggested putting him down. I knew this day would come….I just didn’t expect it to be today. We brought him in because he had a fever from, what we thought was C19…

at the vet

The first thing I thought of was how my relatives tended to pass away during the holiday season. My paternal grandfather was Christmas eve, my maternal great aunt Anne was the 26th, my maternal grandfather was the 28th…. CAN YOU STOP PLEASE?!? NO MORE. If you are my relative, then please do your best to avoid Christmas time.

We had three options: 1) put him down in the vet’s office 2) let the vet keep him overnight for a 24 hour kidney pump to flush him with fluids and maybe help him feel better to prolong his life 3) send him home with a bag of fluids. Chris chose 2, which I agreed with.

It was a hard, lonely night. The next day we started our daily routines and Chris went to work.

An hour later the vet called us and told us to get down there.

Chris ditched work and I dropped what I was doing. The vet told us he hadn’t improved and had blood in his poop. He wasn’t walking and just looked in pain. Chris really wanted him to pass in a familiar place as comfortable as possible, so we took him home and tried to schedule home euthanasia. Turns out it’s harder than we thought. I was ready to use “1st call pet cremation” because they are available 24/7 but their traveling vet canceled on us at the last minute.

We weren’t sure how much time he had but poor Gangis seemed to be stoically suffering. I dunno how Chris found her, but Dr. Sarena from “Peace for Paws” responded. It was 3:30 when he called her, and she was driving home from a long day at work. (She later told me this). But still, she told us she’d be there between 4 and 5. https://www.peaceforpawsvet.com/ I highly recommend her. She was so kind to us and to Gangis. We explained that he had cancer and was suffering. She took one look at him and understood. Using a foam board, she took a paw print impression for us to save, giving us plenty of time to hug and kiss Gangis. Gently, she rubbed his leg and injected a sedative to make him sleepy. Chris held his whitened face and told him what a good boy he was. Gangis locked eyes with Chris and didn’t break the gaze until the sleepiness pulled down his eyelids. I promised him that I’d take care of Chris from now on, so he didn’t have to worry. Finally, Dr. Sarena gave him a vile so that he could go to sleep all the way.

I’m crying now writing this. I used to think dogs were “just animals,”

They have personalities. Let me tell you about Gangis Kind, if you will indulge me for a moment.

He had kind, gentle golden eyes. I first met him one year ago in December when Chris took me to his house for the first time. I was nervous! I had to make a good impression on my boyfriend’s best friend!

“So I have to introduce you to him, and then it’ll be safe for you to come in,” Chris explained. I had heard he had a lot of trauma in his life, with burglars beating him up. He also had a death match with a German Sheppard to protect Chris, whom it attacked. So Chris opened the front door, the dog sniffed me a few times, and then ran away into the living room. I was kind of disappointed I didn’t get a more thorough sniffing, lol I must have checked out immediately, I guess!

When Chris, Gangis and I started living together, he accepted me into his family and protection. If I went to the bathroom, he took it upon himself to come guard me from potential predators. If I closed the door to have privacy, unacceptable! He would nose at it and snort until I either finished pooping or opened it. He’d guard me in the shower. If I did chores, he would trot after me and monitor. When I did yoga, he would sit near me and pretend not to watch….but watch. I’d hear his nails click-clacking on the tile floor. Then, his gray little head would poke out around the corner and he’d eyeball me up and down with his gentle golden eyes. If all was well, he’d sit in view of me.

I’d have to carry him down the stairs every day because he would slip! He was heavy! Like 80 pounds!

Chris has trouble sleeping, so if ever I woke up and Gangis was up and standing by the door, I would quietly slip out and take him out in the middle of the night. It was annoying but I loved Chris so much that I wanted to do it for him. Finally, it stopped bothering me. I felt glad when the pooch got to relieve himself. He always seemed thankful.

When I got knee surgery, he seemed to be always there within reach to pet. When I was in pain, he was there, quiet and loving. He was a good guide for me on how to be a supportive girlfriend, to be honest. He taught me that I don’t need words to show someone I love them.

He liked to climb up on the human couch and sometimes I let him. I’d rest my bum foot on him.

Chris said, “I owe that little dog a lot, so I want him to have a happy retirement.”

I dedicated myself 110% to being the best step-dog mom ever. And I fell in love with him in the process.

He seemed pretty happy up to the end so I think I did a good job with supporting Chris’ hope and goal for that.

Lots of people in Facebook comments mentioned a Rainbow Bridge, so I looked it up. I guess, never having a dog, I had never heard of it. It’s a beautiful concept. I think that the purpose of life is to love and to learn. I try and enjoy every single day I have on this earth. I know I’ve made a difference in some people’s lives, so that makes me really happy to know. If I died tomorrow, I know I’d be remembered, and maybe taught someone something. I believe that Gangis Kind passed knowing he was loved. I’m not sure how deeply dogs can understand things, but he made a difference in this world. I might not have my boyfriend if Gangis hadn’t been around, so he certainly made a difference in my life. Thank you, Gangis, my first doggy love. I miss you.

Today was the first day of normalcy. Woke up, ate, trained, came home…..and the house was so so so quiet. I tried to steel myself but cried anyway. I just keep reminding myself of what an amazing little creature you were and how you still exist inside our minds and hearts.

Boyfriend’s fight in Miami; proposal!

My boyfriend, Chris “The Gladiator” Roman, got a fight in Titan FC, a good promotion based out of Florida, on Dec 17th. We were both really excited for it! It was broadcast on UFC Fightpass so his family and friends could watch it in good quality. The opponent was pretty good – a dangerous kickboxer but not a ton of MMA fights. Chris has a ton of amateur fights that aren’t on his record. He just wanted glorious battle.

We got The ULTIMATE DOGSITTER IN THE UNIVERSE (Serena) to watch Gangis for us, and departed Tuesday. They originally wanted us there Wednesday but we figured it would be chaos getting medicals done at night after a long flight. That was correct, but it was chaos anyway. There was miscommunication between promotion and doctor and stuff didn’t get scheduled, but thankfully, we got it scheduled and got it done.

I’m angry because I bought a printer specifically for fight situations where I need to print out medicals, but I can’t find my printer power cable. Where tf is it. ~_~ So I didn’t have stuff printed and that ended up being a problem. People were asking me for his eye exam and Florida license at least ten times when they were supposed to have it, and the MRI doctor didn’t write the report right away so I was stressed he wouldn’t get cleared to fight.

It was actually very stressful. I was given the CD but NO COMPUTERS HAVE CD DRIVES ANYMORE. I ran all over the hotel and NO computers had a CD rom drive. An an hour before the event started, the MRI doctor faxed the MRI to the hotel, the staff lost it, the ring doctor called the MRI doctor a SECOND TIME, who took a photo of the report on the computer and texted it to the ring doctor who texted it to me who texted it to the commission. Holy crap. I’m glad I was here to do this for Chris so he didn’t have to go running around and handle it. I missed his official weigh-in because I was running around which actually upset me a great deal. I really wanted to be by his side for that. I had to go outside and cry for sixty seconds to pull myself together. grrr. But then I was there for the ceremonial one.

Chris being interviewed

I learned more and more about Chris during this stressful process. I’ve determined that I need to just be there for him while he makes decisions, and run around behind the scenes making sure things get done, or are possible options for him to choose from. This will make me a better girlfriend and partner. I always aim to be the best I can be! I love Chris so much!

But finally, weigh-ins happened successfully.

We went on a Ferris Wheel that night! whoohoo it was very romantic.

Fight day came.

Chris always says he just wants a good fight and glorious battle.

We had a good warm up.

Chris: Ok got all the stuff in my corner bucket? When I give you my glasses, keep the cloth in the case. Make sure the cloth is in there. Okay?

Me: um okay…

Chris: So if it goes to a second round, put the ice on my back, ice on my feet, fan me for a second.

Roxy: ALRIGHT!!

The fight started. They touched gloves. Chris jabbed. Asa Ten Pow threw I think a hook or overhand which tagged Chris, who stumbled backwards. As Asa rushed in, Chris bounced off the cage and dove into a take-down. Asa tries to sprawl and they struggled. Asa struggled to get a clinch and Chris struggled to get a grip. Chris took him down. Asa got back up. Chris threw a punch and Asa threw a knee, which landed on his chest. Chris got on one knee to get his base back. Asa pushed Chris’ head down and kneed him in the head. I saw Chris’ head ducking down and I thought he was going to shift to the other side but instead he collapsed face first onto the canvas.

NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo wtf! The ref stopped the fight. Chris didn’t move. I wanted to jump the cage.

Me: Let me in!

guard: sorry, not now.

Me: *five seconds later* Can I come in now?
guard: Not yet.

Me: …..I have ice.

Guard: not yet.

Me: *five seconds later*…how about now?

Guard: wait…

Me: *five seconds* Here, put this ice on his head. Let me in.

Guard: sorry not yet.

Me: *ten seconds later*……now?

Guard: No.

Me: *tries to sneak*

guard: *holds up a hand*

They finally let me in. ;-; He was awake and on the stool. The ref called off the fight and apparently called it a DQ and then No contest but I didn’t care about any of that. I put ice on Chris’ head and neck. ;_; My man! gaaaaah this SUCKS. He seemed coherent. He sat on the stool for a second. Then he jumped up. “Where are my glasses?”

Of course. Vision is nice. “Here,” I said, and grabbed the case from the bucket. He put his glasses on. I took a breath and tried to figure out what I needed to do next in this situation. There were staff members all in the cage, coaches, the ref, and then….

I turned to my right and saw Chris, going down on one knee. In his MMA-gloved fingers was a pretty gold ring with a diamond on top. He smiled broadly. His face was glowing, and his wonderful blue eyes that I love to look into were bright and shining up at me.

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. I knew he cherished me. I knew he would always be faithful and love me until the end of our lives. I knew he would fight the entire world for me. I knew I would be happy spending the rest of my life by his side. I knew this even before our one year anniversary, but I had decided that once one year had passed, I would say yes.

I knew he was going to propose to me, but I didn’t know when. I had thought it would be on our one-year anniversary, and when that didn’t happen, I figured Valentine’s Day.

I took the ring. “You’re supposed to say ‘yes’!” my internal voice said. “Yes!” I tried to shout over the crowd cheering. Chris stood up and cheered. We embraced and kissed.

Then he jumped on the cage and screamed, “I win anyway!” The crowd went wild. It was epic. My first thought: “He seems okay!” My second thought: “He just proposed!”

As he was cage-jumping, I ripped my glove off and tried to put the ring on but it wouldn’t fit. I wasn’t sure if he just didn’t size it, or if my hand was swollen from being hot and exercising.

“Roxy do NOT lose this ring!” I ordered myself. I put it on my pinkie and clenched my fist. “Do not drop it. Do not drop it. You’ll never find it again.”

He lifted me up! It was glorious! I was so happy A) he was okay B) it was amazing he proposed C) in the cage

Finally the shenanigans died down and Chris was called to the center for the fight verdict.

No-Contest. I exercised my mental focusing abilities as hard as I could to sort out the thoughts in my head: 1) what do I need to do for Chris as a cornerman? Get his stuff and bucket, physically lead him in the right direction, make sure he can physically walk, make sure I listen to people trying to tell him stuff that he might forget later. 2) omg he just got knocked down/ out? is he okay? 3) omg he just proposed! I’m engaged?! Everyone left and right is saying congratulations. Say thank you back and smile.

He seemed okay.

We went and found an Italian restaurant, where he bought me dinner and we gazed lovingly into each other’s eyes all evening. I requested we do the Lady and The Tramp pasta trick. It was fun! and glorious! and amazing! We smooched a lot.

Roxanne Roman is a SWEET alliteration and will be SO EASY FOR PEOPLE TO SPELL NOW. yay. I am proud of being a Modafferi, though, but I’ll keep that as my fight name. I know where I came from. It’s in my blood.

(btw he hid the ring in the cloth in his glasses case so I wouldn’t see it)

The flights back were long and kinda sucked, but yay we’re home now. I’m excited for Chris’ next opportunity. Thank you to his manager Jason Casteel at Iron Shin Management. I was really happy and impressed with how he took care of us.

Thank you to Chris’ sponsor for this fight, Neanderthal Fire Company for the fight sponsorship, awesome cutting boards, knives, and fire wrangler! Thank you to my blog sponsor My Consumer I.T. Thanks for handling printing my banner for Rick, and always supporting me! Check out their services! Network setup and support, monthly managed services along with internet, telephone, software, hardware and back up disaster recovery! Call today at 346-352-1612 https://www.mcithouston.com

My 39th Birthday, my 49th fight, my one-year anniversary, Halloween

My birthday was September 24th. I always enjoy my birthday! It’s an excuse to get together with friends. I reflect on my year and all that I’ve done. I had a great year being 38. I met the love of my life, Chris, and had many great experiences. Unfortunately, I lost most of my fights… That wasn’t so great. I always tried really hard and never slacked on preparation.

I hated Fight Island. It was a memorable experience, though.

I had two pro grappling matches.

I really enjoyed the experiences, except felt lousy that I lost the matches.

I got to meet Chris’ entire family! I loved that. They are really good people. I really get along with his mom and sister.

I also introduced Chris to most of MY family. Yay family. I got to see my cousin JoeJoe get married.

I had knee surgery and recovered from that.
I became a dog-mom.
I bought a condo! Now I’m renting it out.
My birthday was my weight-in day and Lorenzo sang to me and brought me cake. The UFC wished me Happy Bday, and I got treats from UFC staff.

Unfortunately, I fought my fight and I couldn’t win.  I managed to catch my opponent Taila and pin her into the cage, but I couldn’t take her down.

She surprised me by taking me down, and jammed my head into the cage at a weird angle.  I couldn’t cut the angle to go for submissions, but I was able to get up eventually.  I really wanted submissions, but wasted time going for them.  Before I knew it, the fight was over and I had lost the decision.

That really sucked. I was really frustrated because I couldn’t hear my corner. I know at the end of the day I’m alone in there and I felt very alone inside the cage.

I’m grateful my coaches trained me and came with me, of course.

oooh oooh I met Robbie Lawler!  So excited to be able to tell him that he inspired me to start fighting MMA!

Chris had the idea to do the Attack on Titan salute for weigh-ins.  Good idea, my love!  Shinzo wo sasageyo!  I think I looked cool.

It’s been rough lately. I’m training again now, of course. It’s not fun, though.

Halloween has been good so far. I had a little party at my place with some friends. I enjoyed dressing up. Yaaay friends.

I don’t know when my next fight is yet. I want it to be booked … I dunno if I should be impatient or patient.  I want to get on with it, honestly. Things are chaotic right now in my fight life.

One thing I do know.

I’ve always wanted to have a KO on my record. I have submission wins, decision wins, and TKO wins. I want to knock somebody out. And I have one last chance…..

I really enjoy being a UFC fighter.  It is literally my life goal to fight in the UFC!  It was never my original goal to be UFC champion, just to fight.  Remember, when I first started, women weren’t in the UFC!

My next fight will be number 50 for me. It will be internationally recognized as number 45 (because officials don’t count TUF fights). I can’t wait to break the world record. I know Shinashi (44 fights) is thinking about fighting again, but if I can be selfish, I kinda hope she doesn’t?…I really want to be number one at something. lol

This week is Chris’ and my one year anniversary! Whoohoo! It’s my first time to have a one year anniversary with somebody!

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My Life is a Crazy Adventure (fighting, moving, poop, a water leak, Montana)

This is why I’m writing books about it. lol In the meantime, please enjoy my blogs!

Soooo it’s been a month. Let’s start with poop. Yes. Chris’ dog Genghis Kind (he spells it Gangis) is struggling to hold it all morning, or throughout the night. I kept coming home to poop in the house, and had to spend lots of time scrubbing it out of the carpet. Also, carrying a 70 pound dog down the stairs in my condo multiple times a day SUCKED, but we dealt with it. Gangis is such a good boy and tries so hard, it’s hard to be mad. Chris said a dog door in a one-story house would solve this problem. Also, the love of my life loves to grill and a big part of his diet is using is Traeger grill, so he’s low-key suffering without it. My condo HOA doesn’t allow it. I appreciate his sacrifice…

There are other parts to complicate the story, but I’ll skip those. We decided that he and I would rent a house together (a one story house), I would rent out my condo and make it an investment property, and our problems would be solved this way. Whoohoo!

Our move was an insane four-part plan, moving stuff from my condo into the new house, his old house into the new house, his stuff from my condo into the new house, and his friend’s stuff from his old house into my condo. Thanks for being a tenant, friend!

This got decided in like two weeks, and then we had two more weeks to FIND a place, and then waited with bated breath to get approved because we HAD to move in the second to last weekend of August. This is because we had a funeral to go to the last weekend.

So here we are in a nice one-story house! I haven’t lived in a house since I was a kid growing up! It’s weird but cool. The dog door didn’t work out, so that’s still a problem. However, it is REALLY nice to just open the door to let Gangis out and not have to carry him. We also can use Chris’ fire pit! I love backyard fires and roasting marshmallows!

driving doggie to a park

So we moved Chris’ stuff by hand, but I wanted to hire a moving company for my stuff from my condo to new house. I’m SICK AND FREAKING TIRED Of moving. ;_; Plus I have a huge heavy massage chair and I always have to trouble my strong teammates to move it.

We found “All My Sons” moving company. Chris got a quote, making sure to tell them about the heavy chair. Then we called back once our place got approved and made the appointment, reminding them about the chair. He said, “It’s like 350-400 pounds, so make sure you bring at least 3 or four guys.” They said okay.

They showed up on moving day with two guys, who could not move the chair. I’m not going to write all the juicy details here because they eventually made it right, but I had to blast them online. (thank you 100K social media followers). We had a big argument with the manager, who refused to send more people. After I posted my displeasure on social media, they apologized, came back, and moved the chair. The men did good work! Very fast, nice guys.

the large men from All My Sons that came back for the chair! Thank you

The funeral was sad, but I got to spend a long weekend getting to know Chris’ family. I loved that!! I don’t know if it’s okay to post pictures of them so I won’t, but I especially loved meeting his siblings who I’ve heard so much about, and his grandfather.

We got home and life got back to normal.

Yay yay yayyyyyy and then we started getting the water bills last week. Sixty eight dollars was tacked onto my rent, and I just paid it with my credit card online before I realized…wait a second, why I am I paying my property management company anything? I thought I pay the city directly? Weird. (I still have to call about that but we have bigger problems). I also got a bill 8/23- 8/31 for $167.

I looked at the dates. A week? Maybe I don’t know how to read the water bill… weird. Isn’t that a lot? In the same mail bunch, I got a letter from the Las Vegas Water authority saying that when they checked the meter, it showed a flow of water, so they are alerting us to a possibility of a leak. So I called the Water Authority and told the lady that one day my toilet got stuck open, so I was wondering if that could have registered as a constant flow. Is it still doing it?

“Well first of all,” the nice lady said, “We checked your meter on Aug 31st, and you said the toilet thing happened a week ago? So that couldn’t have been it.” She instructed me to go outside and showed me how to check the water meter. I read her the number. She said, “Oh my god! So…is the triangle spinning?” I said yes. “You’re leaking like…. *pause to calculate* like 200 gallons of water a day! Your bill is going to be like…six hundred dollars for the month!”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WTFFFFFFFFFFFF I should have called Chris immediately, but I didn’t want to panic him at work, so I waited until he got home. He ran outside and shut the water off to the house. ^_^;; oops, he could have told me how to do it but whatever. The little triangle was still spinning! He then shut the water off at the street and the triangle stopped, so that indicated there’s a water main bust between the street and the house. Which is GREAT. That means they just have to dig up several meters in the front yard, not the whole house. yaaay but boooo. We better not be held responsible for that water bill because we are tenants who just moved in! ;_;

So I thought a leak detection company would rush right over but apparently not, so we’ve spent a week shutting the water on and off in the morning and night to shower and refill buckets and toilers. Frankly, that’s better than having NO water. This is still happening as I’m writing this from the UFC host hotel.

Phew.

My preparation for this fight has been really good. I’m in fantastic shape and I really like the gameplan. I think I can execute it well on my opponent. Camp was actually quite stressful because I was constantly worried about getting hit in the head too hard. It’s probably a combination of people going too hard, and my fight mileage. That’s one thing I promised myself…if I ever started getting knocked out or getting concussion symptoms, I would retire immediately from fighting. So I’m super conscious of it and probably over-sensitive. I started wearing headgear just to make sure I’m fine. So after all my hard training was over and I breathed a sign of relief, I realized that all my training was actually quite fantastic. I feel really really good.

So Friday September 24th is my weigh-in day….it’s also my birthday! I’m turning…twenty! Haha just kidding. I’m turning 39!! I cannot believe it! As a youth, I wondered where I’d be at this stage of my life. I’m very happy and have had a very exciting life! I had a good year!

Last year on my birthday, I was visiting my dad. We were sitting down on the sofa having a serious heart to heart when he said, “Go buy property to invest. Also, go find a man so you’re not lonely in your old age.” Whoa!! Talk about direct. But my dad is usually correct. I don’t always listen, but I recognize the value of his advice.

So I went home and on the same day contacted a realtor, and reactivated my Bumble online dating app. I found a condo and man one month later! Thanks for the inspiration, Dad!

And this fight is my 49th fight! Whooooohooo! I gotta make it to 50 fights. Unfortunately, for stupid reasons, Ultimate Fighter fights don’t go on my official record, so I think my official record is 43 fights. Come onnnnnnn I want them to register me at my 50 fights when it happens. :< Oh well. Fans will know. Because I SHALL TELL THEM!!!

Anywho, go me, 39 and 49, baby. And I have a man for life. ^_^

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huge update – living and fighting

So much as been going on but I haven’t really been writing. I was so excited about my Fusion Fight League match in Montana, but honestly, when I lost I was so depressed about it that I didn’t want to mention it, so I avoided this blog. I’m on a big losing streak with my fights now. It really sucks and eats at one’s self-confidence. Yeah, I know just because you lose a combat match doesn’t mean you suck. I still have skills blahblah. I always do everything I can to prepare for things to the best of my ability. I’m never lazy, but I only have so much time in the day to do things. Last time in my Submission Underground match, I lost in overtime by armbar, so I took a bunch of private lessons to get better at escaping the arm bar.

It turns out that this time we DIDN’T do EBI rules, and she didn’t get me with an armbar. She went for a heel hook- the most dangerous submission – on my newly healed leg, so I just tapped so I wouldn’t get reinjured. I should have used those privates to review my leg-lock escapes more. Who knew?

She didn’t do it to be a jerk, either. It was just one of those unfortunate things. Barb and I made friends. I keep trying to tell myself that I have a new battle sister.

I got to walk out with Genki Sudo’s flag: “We are all one!”

I weighed in as Spider-girl.

The trip itself was great! I got to see my friend Bonny and hang out with her and her husband Bo. Chris’ mom and her husband also drove down from northern Montana to stay a few days, hang out, and watch me compete. That was really really nice!

Chris and I

Thank you for sponsoring me, Bonny with Sourdough Bagels in Billings, Bill from My Consumer I.T., and Xmartial Gear from Xmartial.com! (use my code roxannemodafferi15 for a discount lol)

I don’t want to say I regret doing the match, but instead, I’ve decided that I shouldn’t do grappling matches until I stop fighting for the UFC. I just can’t put 100% energy into preparing for them. Losing hurts my spirit very badly, and this losing streak is bad for my spirit. However, I really wanted to take the opportunity with Fusion FFL, though, and I really want to fight for them again. Thank you so much for having me and please invite me again! Maybe in a year or so…

So now it’s August 25th and a month and a half have passed since my last blog. (like my last confession lol) I’m no longer fighting Tatiana Suarez because she injured her knee. Poor girl! She keeps getting freaking major injuries!

Tatiana and I – i met her in the Performance Institute

I’ve been rematched up with Talia Santos. That’s fine…. Sorry for making you wait until after my knee surgery! She wants my top ten spot. That’s fine. Some people call me a gatekeeper. That’s fine.

I moved again! Rather, I’m moving. It’s a complicated story so we’ll just say I’m starting to rent a house together with my boyfriend, and rent out my condo! I have a good plan and a good idea! Let’s see if it works out. There’s a lot of potential! So far Chris is 99% moved in, I’m 50% moved in, and my first tenant is like 40% moved in. Tomorrow movers are coming to bring my furniture and heavy boxes I prepared. Chris and I are trying to move essentials and delicates by car.

making smores!

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My two upcoming fights, my cousin’s wedding trip, visited family

It’s been busy and will become even MORE busy!

I have two fights set! A grappling match in Fusion Fight League in Montana on July 31st, and UFC fight September 25th Idon’tknowwherebutthatsokay!

I fought for Fusion Fight League a few years ago just before the UFC, and they offered to have me enter their cage again by way of jiujitsu match. Of course I’m contracted to the UFC for MMA, but I can do grappling anywhere with permission, which I got. Thank you Mick and UFC for allowing it. It’s exciting to me that my opponent asked for me. It’s an honor! I’ll be facing Barb Ciesnolevicz (and I thought my name was hard to spell! o_o) She seems nice. Can’t wait to do battle in the most jiujitsu-y of ways! I’ve been doing more jiujitsu classes with Jerry Shapiro in preparation, and taking privates with my mentor Mike Pyle.

I’ve gotten back into shape after my surgery! My knee feels great!

My “pro grappling record” is 0-2. ;_; I feel wimpy now. Oh well, it’s okay. Those two were my first matches ever at black belt so *shrug* I’ll just have to do my best! lol I’m so excited for this opportunity!

My UFC fight is against Tatiana Suarez, former straw weight and amazing wrestler. I’ve developed an amazing gameplan to handle her wrestling. I’m going to have to be in super good shape for it, though! Oss go me. I’m training with Lorenzo again.

Chris and I traveling

Last weekend, I went to my cousin JoeJoe’s wedding! Congrats to him and Francesca! Man, most over the top wedding I’ve ever experienced! Beautiful church ceremony. For cocktail hour, I could not get over the table of lobster and sea food! Other amazing food that I couldn’t try all of it! I’m so happy I got to introduce Chris to my dad and step mother. We had breakfast together. I think they liked him. The men talked about guns, hunting, cars, and other manly things, relating details about which I had no comprehension. I sat there listening to the stuff about the stuff related to the stuff, dreamily gazing at the men I love.

I got to chat with my cousin Alison and her six (?) year old daughter Pia at cocktail hour.

Alison and I

I got to sit next to my dad and be at the same table as my Aunt. It was just wonderful! I was so happy I felt like I was glowing like a supernova, emitting rays of happiness. I think people could tell. Oh oh oh!! So when it was dance time, I usually hate dancing. I feel awkward and don’t want to move sexily. I don’t want people to look at me. But somehow, some how it became okay! I already have a man so I don’t care how I look anymore. We slow-danced for the first time ….ever. And it was the first time in my entire life I slow-danced with a man I loved! So exciting! I was so happy I wanted to cry! And I stepped on his feet like a billion times. I could barely focus I was so happy. lol Man, I didn’t know this kind of happiness could exist. I love looking into his intelligent blue eyes. aaaah twitterpation

We had to battle Tropical Storm Elsa to get places. Roads in New Jersey (Newark) were flooded! We were like ten minutes late to the church ceremony! It was totally my fault for not leaving way ahead of time.

That was an incredible night. Dude, they had flames, fog machines, a live singer who looked and acted like Frank Sinatra, a painter, a photo booth, and an entire room with dessert!

On Friday, we visited my aunt and uncle on my mom’s side! So happy to see them and introduce them to Chris! That was really important to me, actually. We had a nice lunch together.

High Level Jiujitsu in Amsterdam, NY James attempting to choke my boyfriend

We went to High Level Jiujitsu club in Amsterdam where we were welcomed warmly by James Fallas, the owner! (How’s that alliteration? XD) It’s so ironic that the stuff he showed was JUST what I’ve been working on with Mike back home at Syndicate. I got some cool details I’ve been using now!

Me, Mom, Chris

On Saturday, we visited with my mom! We went out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Took long nature walks. Played Clue and Chinese checkers. I’m so happy.

We went home early on Sunday. Yay. Back to normal-ish training schedule!

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Serena’s victory, I went to Montana, new fights

So two weeks ago my best friend Serena fought for Fusion Fight League in Montana against Elizabeth Phillips and won by unanimous decision! I’m so proud of her! It was truly an awesome battle. She performed to her full potential and beyond!

Serena victorious

I was so impressed. Phillips is no joke. Former UFC fighter, she’s tough, skilled and scrappy.

So thrilled for my friend

It was a pleasure being part of Fusion Fight League again. I had fought for them just before I got into the UFC, actually! I will be doing a grappling superfight with them sometime soon, so you guys’ll get to see me fight. I’m so happy!

It was our first time in Helena and I went to a museum where I learned a lot about the natives.

Historical society museum

Our friend and reporter extraordinaire Marq and his family were so nice to us, and took us sightseeing after the fight. They also drove us hours to and from the airport. We are lucky.

Soooo Serena told me on the plane over, “This girl Sydney is going to wrap my hands.” I’m like, “Who?”

Serena said she’s good at wrapping hands. Alright. It turns out she was super nice and even helped us during Serena’s weight cut. I tried to look out for her a bit since she didn’t have a coach or teammate or anybody coming with her!! We made friends! Serena volunteered her coach Marv to corner her. I was like….. do you also want ME to corner you? She said yes, so we both did!! And she did great and won! It was cool to be a part of that amazing experience for her!

Sydney “Sundance” Smith! Congrats!

Personal life is amazing. I love my life living with Chris, my boyfriend.

Mt Charleston

We drove up to Mt. Charleston and he took me around where he and Gangis liked to hang out before he moved east.

I’ve gotten very attached to his dog Gangis. (pronounced Genghis). We had to take him to the vet the other day because his eye was swelling. I went with Chris as moral support, but when they took him into the back room without us, it was I who needed moral support. I ended up crying. lol *facepalm* It was like, “Hey, where are you going with my baby? I mean his baby?” x_x;

He’s such a good boy

Yesterday I had to take him out at 2 AM. (that means carry his large butt down the stairs). I was upset the first time it happened, but now I’m just like, “Parent training I guess.” *shrug* If I ever have a kid, I’ll be ready. Practice is important!

Lately, I’ve been watching the new Loki series. He’s one of my favorite characters. Also, rewatching Dragon Ball Super and Attack on Titan with Chris is fun. I haven’t had a lot of time lately just to myself but sometimes I watch Dr. Stone season 3. I finished my Robert J Sawyer book “Golden Fleece” and it’s actually my least favorite out of all his book. He’s still my favorite author, though. He writes nifty sci-fi books that always have REALLY cool and interesting twists.

Sooo my knee is wonderful and I got another fight offer! It hasn’t gotten leaked or announced so I guess I shouldn’t mention details. I’m happy that I’ll have enough time to get back into shape. Chris also has a fight set before mine in Fusion Fight League, so I’m trying to be supportive. I hope you guys can help support by buying the PPV when it comes out, for him and me! I think it’s only like $15 or ballpark that.

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My knee is healed! Onward!

My knee feels fantastic! My therapists at the UFC Performance Institute Heather and Tera are giving me harder and harder exercises that I have no problem performing. For example, a week and a half ago, hopping on my bad foot felt uncomfortable but now it’s totally fine. I can lift heavy things, pivot on it to kick, do wrestling shots across the mat, and FINALLY finally kneel and sit back on my heals with equal weight on both legs. That took a while.

I’m really excited. I can train again! This Saturday I did open mat full-power. I love being able to train with my boyfriend Chris again. I packed his clothes and this is what happened: we matched Star Wars! I’m Data and he’s Picard. lol

My love <3

I got an offer to do a grappling super fight. I’m super out of shape and I wanna make sure I do right by the UFC and get their fight set first since I had to cancel my bout last time. Last week was kind of rough and hard on my pride to feel so weak. Oh well. My goal is to get my strength back in a month. My total recovery time from meniscus surgery was seven full weeks – exactly as predicted! Well they said six weeks I’d be back in the gym, and I was, being careful. Now I don’t have to be careful anymore. My goals during my down-time were to write a lot of my third book, watch a lot of anime, and learn more piano. I wrote a good amount although it could have been more, memorized one song and learned a bit more, and watched SOME anime.

I cooked a few new things, too!
Chicken Pot Pie, chicken cordon bleu, enchiladas version 2.0, and something else I forget.

Oh my, I haven’t updated for a while. In May, we coached kids at the NAGA jiujitsu tournament! Everyone tried hard! Some kids won, some lost, but I’m so proud of all of them.

Valerie, Ben, and me Calla and her medals

I promoted some students! So happy for them!

Emma Ali

Chris’ mom and step father came to visit and we hosted them! It was super nice! We went to Red Rock, the Neon Sign museum, our favorite restaurants, and more! What a pleasure to meet them and spend quality time.

The week before my friend Celia came and visited from California! I had a blast with her – Natural History Museum, Fiesta Mexicana, and just chillaxing.

Celia and me

My best friend Serena is fighting this coming weekend in Helena Montana in Fusion Fight League! I’m going to corner her! I believe there’s an online PPV. Check out their Facebook page.

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Post surgery! How it went, what I’m doing, etc

So I had meniscus surgery! Thank you Doctor Hansen! Leading specialist with knees and joints, and apparently has done other UFC fighers’ knees. I felt confident with him. They weren’t 100% sure the extent of the damage until they got in there. It turns out I had like three things wrong.

I’m scared of surgery…. it’s been one of my fears since childhood. I know any surgery is scary but I had an extra irrational fear added to that – not being sure what was happening to my unconscious body terrified me. The fact that I was so hurt I couldn’t do anything except walk helped me look forward to it rather than loath it. They set it up relatively quickly, too. After the doctor’s appointment to read and diagnose me from the MRI, I think they got me in about twelve days after that.

I’m gonna post a picture because it’s not really that gross. One of three issues.

Good meniscus

So this is what a good meniscus looks like (on the other side of my knee, because you have two crescent moon shaped ones per knee).

bad meniscus

My bad meniscus looks like a stingray, all floppy and curled up, getting in the way of everything! So the doc stuck a tiny tool in there, chopped off the torn parts, pulled them out, and smoothed it out. Now I’m all good.

I tried to clean the house, move any heavy items ahead of time, and make a schedule for jiujitsu class kids teachers so I could relax and heal in peace without worrying. Stuff still came up, but for the most part, my preparation was well done.

Chris has had knee surgery before and helped me a lot mentally, and of course physically. He took the day off from work to drive me to and from surgery. I fell asleep and woke up with it all finished. I like how they wrote “yes” and “no” on both knees, to specify the correct one. Obviously I wouldn’t be awake to correct them!

The knee itself didn’t really hurt, so I only took the initial heavy duty pain pill, but switched to Ibuprofen. They gave me crutches and told me to put 30% of my weight on that foot. They wrapped it with an Ace bandage for compression purposes, and when I took it off, I saw steri-strips closed the insertion wounds.

I was surprised how little my knee hurt! Whoohoo! Chris said rehab was Hell. Yeah?

Oh yeah. So three days later on Monday, my therapist Tera massaged my leg and measured my range of motion. I couldn’t straighten it all the way. She said that it was very important I get that flexibility back as soon as possible. She wasn’t so concerned about the bending, but more straightening it. It was super uncomfortable to straighten it. It felt like the swelling was in the way, and my muscles were like tight cords that wouldn’t stretch.

Then I entered into the “Rehab Hell” that Chris had mentioned. The massages hurt like crazy. I lay there crying, not able to decide if it felt good to bad, because the inflammation hurt but the muscles were tight and needed to be loosened. She also pushed my knee downwards with her muscles.

My knee is swollen but not like a balloon. Instead, most of my pain is from the surrounding muscles feeling tight and inflamed. My thigh and quad and patellar tendons are killing me. It aches and night and I wake up in pain like four times (if I’m lucky, only four.) I’m trying to count my blessings but I end up making myself feel bad and like a wuss for complaining about pain at all, since it’s not as bad as a ligament tear.

As of a few days ago, it’s been two weeks since surgery and the surgeon’s assistant who I had the follow up appointment with told me to try to stop using crutches. It still feels uncomfortable to walk normally because that involves fully extending and locking out the leg. I also have to practice walking backwards and standing on one leg.

I’m really glad I don’t have the stress of a fight looming over me. I can just focus on healing and on being in love. It’s been seven months since I found Chris, and going on three since we started living together. He’s perfect for me.

Every day, I’ve been playing piano, trying to type my second autobiography, going to rehab, doing rehab, doing laundry, and watching anime, playing Mortal Kombat and Twisted Metal, taking care of the dog, and other random things. It takes me a long time to go anywhere because I’m hobbling on crutches.

I’m getting more and more tired and frustrated with life since I’m sleeping crappily. My leg aches when I’m not active and blood isn’t flowing, so nighttime is the worst. Also being in the car for a while sucks, or sitting down. I became able to drive by myself this week, yay.

Chris baked me brownies My main therapist Tera (left) working on me
doggie footrest

So I got this machine called “Game Ready” that inflates for compression, and pumps ice water into the sleeve! It’s been affording me great relief throughout the day and at night. I still wake up like 4 or 5 times in pain, though, so I like it the most during the day.

holding hands

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