Roxanne Modafferi's Blog, page 12

Charity Go-kart, my strong BJJ kids, TV / anime shows, movies, training, Meerkatsu

These past few weeks have been packed with activity, accomplishments, new things, successes, and stress.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

On Friday October 20th, I rushed home from teaching kids classes to PPV Fusion Fight League in Montana and watch my friend Jessica Borga fight in the main event. It was a tough, back and forth fight that I thought she might win if it went to decision, but she got overwhelmed in the last few seconds and the ref stopped the fight. I’m sad, and my heart goes out to her, but it was a good fight and I’m proud of how hard she trained and prepared for the fight. She even came out to Vegas to train with us at Syndicate!

On Sunday the 22nd, I participated in Comedian Mike Hammer’s Celebrity Go-Kart racing event. Various Celebrities would compete against the public (who would donate). Donations went to Wounded Warriors and other Veteran charities.



click here for article and more pics

I had to reschedule my day for it and it turned out to be detrimental to my only weekly recovery day, but I’m really glad I had this experience. I’ve always wanted to do charity work, but figured it would have to be when I got rich and could AFFORD to do it. I’m so honored to have been invited! I’m not sure how much of me actually being there contributed to dollars earned but oh well. I think the event made $5,600. It was a new experience for me! I’d never ridden a go-kart before and I was super nervous. I met a new friend! The lady who helped me sign up, Kenzy, was really nice. I signed up, went and got pictures taken on the red carpet, and then had nothing else to do, so I loitered by the table and chatted with Kenzy for like 3 hours. LOL

She is amazing. Working as a school teacher now, she and her husband both used to serve in the military. She has a large family, and I can’t imagine the time and energy it takes to do all that she does! I met a few of her kids and they were super nice.

Nobody else told me anything, so she helped me find out where to go, how to put on the helmet, etc.

TUF 26 ep 7 blog- Rachael vs Melinda, Female fighters

8/4/17

Dana stopped by the house last night, just as my massage finished. Poor Nicco got stiffed and only got about ten minutes, but I was safe.

He gave us Conor McGregor T shirts as gifts!

big update: visiting fighter friends, belt promotion, wetland outing, birthday party wheel of doom, etc

So I left Japan at 4 PM on Friday, and arrived at 9 AM ….on Friday. Cool, you get to relive Friday, right? Wrong. I didn’t sleep at all so I got to do Friday again completely sleep deprived. u_U

I was starting to develop a skin infection, so the second I got home, I dumped my suitcase, hugged The Reen, and went straight to the Urgent Care center. Thankfully, I got strong stuff and it took care of it in a few days. But my money…!!!

Then I hightailed it to the gym, taught a private kids lesson, then my two classes. I could cover the suspicious spot thoroughly or I wouldn’t have taught.

Then collapsed in my bed.

Woke up at some ungodly hour, ate half of my normal breakfast, went back to bed, which was a huge mistake because it messed up my digestion for an entire freaking week. ;_; On Saturday I trained a little bit. I still felt wrecked from being out of my normal routine and no body care…. Then Sunday I ran stairs to get back into cardio shape, did yoga, and saw Teri and got her magical massage!

Japan blog 2: Mon-Thurs (shrine, owls, BJJ legends, the weight of a weapon)

So Monday night I met my former training partner friend-turned-pro wrestler Sakura. She had a “surprise” for me, so she had me go to Ikebukuro (and I got lost trying to find the proper station exit. x_x There are dozens!) Then she led me to a building with my eyes closed. Haha Apparently whatever it was was written on signs and all over the walls, so I had to go up like three flights of stairs with my eyes closed. I cheated and opened them a crack to see the floor, but dutifully didn’t look up.

“Okay open!” she said. We were at an owl cafe! Or “Owl Park!”



I had told her I wanted to go to a Neko (cat) cafe last year when I visited because it was such a novel concept to me. We did and it was fun. I had since read lots of negative things about other animal cafes, such as owls, because they’re nocturnal and humans are bothering them all day when they’re supposed to be sleeping. :/ So I had mixed feelings about that at first. The staff members were very kind, though, and were educated about how to handle them, how to touch them, etc. I’ve never touched an owl before!! It was great!



…..it was cool. I enjoyed the experience a lot! Thanks, Sakura-chan!

Tuesday morning, I think I just went shopping by myself. I met my former host mother, and co-star of my autobiography Sadako-san for sushi lunch! I offered to go closer to her, but she said she liked to get out and came to Hirama, near Kawasaki. She’s basically my Japanese grandmother. I love her! She’s so sweet and awesome! She gave me bowls and chopsticks for presents!!



Everybody asks me the difference between sushi in America and Japan. See this roll? This is about as complicated as it gets in Japan.



Something in the middle and a dab of something on the top. Not like the “sexy girlfriend rolls” or “dragon rolls” or whatever Americans made up slathered with everything, WHICH ARE FREAKING DELICIOUS. haha! Good job, America! You improved sushi rolls.

TUF 26 blog ep 6 – Barb vs Gillian, Contender Series viewing

Aug 1st

I was always the first one awake at 4 AM. The next person up was Karine, who always came in without her microphone (lol always got scolded), and then Barb, around 5 or 6ish. I’m SO sorry, Team Alvarez guys in the first bedroom, I didn’t know you could hear all my kitchen noises. I think Barb or Lauren said, “Yeah it’s easy to hear things” and it didn’t quite register that I should stop washing the dishes because they were clunking, and then one of them repeated a week later, “Yeah we can hear EVERYTHING.” Then I was like, oh dang, sorry. I hope I was better after that.

There are no doors in the house.

I had a nice long chat with Barb this morning. I didn’t really know her that well, and every time I looked at her, I just wanted a rematch of our fight six years ago when she choked me out in Black Eye Fight Promotions. Haha!

The RNC is my favorite move, too! Shucks. I really just wanna see how much I’ve grown and if I can take her. But I really was interested in getting to know her as a person. She’s not active on social media so I knew next to nothing about her. I enjoyed hanging out with her a bit in the house. She was usually starting breakfast just as I was cleaning up, and she swam around the same time I did my warm ups and yoga outside. I respect her so much, and appreciate her seriousness and dedication.

Aug 2nd, Wed

Tuesday, unexepcted things happened. The schedule said we’d get massage therapy, then a meeting with a UFC staff member, then training at the Performance Institute. (noo! Not after my massage! I didn’t want to go….) Well, suddenly the meeting got canceled but a nutritionist came and talked to us about weight cutting. Then Dana White invited us to the Contender series fights!

I decided to do conditioning in the morning at home before my massage. I got in a good, hard leg day. I did my trainer Lorenzo’s jump squat series outside on the sidewalk. Then squatted down and lifted up a 30-ish pound rock I found in the back yard up over my head, and replaced it gently. I usually throw a heavy weighed ball over my shoulder, but couldn’t exactly roll a hard, jagged rock over my shoulder. I also took my rubber band, wrapped it around a tree branch, and did punches with resistance. Maia rode an exercise bike in my vicinity so we could “work out together.” Later, I did mountain climbers by sliding my stocking-ed feet across the tile floor in the den.

It was hard to know how much to do because we never knew what kind of training we’d do that day. I didn’t wanna kill my legs and then have to do hard sparring a few hours later, or do some in-class conditioning. :/ Well, I’m really glad that I have a great trainer like Lorenzo who taught me good techniques I could take into the house and do on my own, and know they would help keep me prepared for a fight.

I was so tired and hungry for the rest of the day! It was also hard to know how much to eat. I took a solid nap for an hour. Then we got to be out in public! We couldn’t wear any UFC clothes.

Our names hadn’t been announced so nobody knew we were the cast. We weren’t allowed to tell anybody, obviously, with a very expensive lawsuit hanging over our heads if we did. So the TUF staff led us out in groups of three to sit in the bleachers with other family and friends also invited. On the way to my seat…I think I sat with Maia and….someone? Shana or Sarj or Christina? One guy game up to me and said, “OH! Ultimate fighter!” I thought, “Does he suspect this season or recognize me from the last season?!” He came over. Other people started looking. Crap. “Hi,” I said. “You are a fighter, aren’t you?” “Uh,” I said. “What’s it like to live in the House?” (he still hadn’t used the past tense to let me know if it was season 18 or not). “Well,” I said, seriously, “I live in an apartment.” My housemates in earshot started snickering. “Uh, oh?” he said, confused. “So who are you rooting for tonight?” I said, and steered the conversation away. LOL

I also successfully deflected another guy who recognized me. Then, over the next hour, the man sitting next to me said a few comments about the fights, like nice move, or whatever. He finally said, “I’m with the UFC. I watch all these fights.” I forget what else he said. “So you’re part of the next season’s cast, right?” he said, not exactly softly.

It caught me off guard because I didn’t know who in the UFC knew or not.

Then suddenly, I saw my jiujitsu instructor Captain come out and corner one of the fighters! My heart leapt into my mouth. I knew John was cornering Julian in the main event! Captain’s guy lost, unfortunately. But I timed my bathroom run with when the guys were doing the doctor check. Then as we were both heading back, me to my seat, and them to the locker room, I “accidentally” bumped into them and “accidentally” embraced Captain as hard as I could. I missed him sooooooooooooooo much. ;__; It had been almost a month but felt like years since I’d gone away!



Then I got scolded by a producer. ^^;;

Sorry not sorry. It felt so great. Then they made us leave before the last match because we had a time schedule, so I didn’t get to accidentally hug Coach John. But later we found out Julian KO-ed his opponent and got the UFC contract. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO #TeamSyndicate!!! whoop whoop! I was elated! Oh, I accidentally hugged my training partners Shawn and ran into Eric. That was nice. Man, seeing them was like water in a dry desert!

I was really impressed with the fight between Gillian and Barb. Gillian is really physically strong and good at taking the back. I was always trying to fend off her attacks from the back when we rolled. lol And you never know in TUF how a fight is gonna go. Everybody is out of their element without their normal coaches. Gillian really took it to Barb. She was really threatening with the armbar, but Barb stayed calm and defended it correctly. Barb then got the better of Gillian in round two and finished with TKO stoppage. It was an exciting fight.

Japan trip: Friday-Sunday (UFC Japan, friends, training)

My trip to Japan was awesome and very fulfilling.

I left early Thursday morning and arrived Friday afternoon in Haneda. I’m always going to fly into Haneda instead of Narita from now on. I had heard it was closer, but dude! FIFTEEN MINUTES BY local TRAIN, as opposed to two hour and $34 by express train. I think tickets to Narita had always been cheaper so I went with cheaper, but for that amount of convenience and ease, I’m always going with Haneda, no matter what the cost.

I landed at 1:15 PM and got into Kawasaki around 2:15ish. I checked into my hotel and my friend and former training partner Goto-san met me there. We chatted a bit, and then went shopping to Lazona’s Daiso shop. On the way, I ate the best Taco Yaki IN MY LIFE. Mentaiko cheese flavor. maaaaan. My body was tired and it felt late, but I went to bed around 6:30 PM, exhausted. Of course I woke up around 1 AM, but went back to sleep for another hour! Then woke up, ate breakfast, took a walk, but couldn’t fall back to sleep like I often do. Oh well. I figured out that I could actually stream Netflix on my phone using the pocket wifi that I bought (BEST INVENTION EVER!), so I watched an episode of The 100. Seasons 2 and 3 have really been stressing me out. x_x Anyone could die at any minute and I’ve come to care about the characters.

Anyway, I met my friend Tsuru-chan at 7 AM at Kawasaki station and we went to Saitama Super Arena together to watch UFC Japan! It was being broadcast Friday night in America, so that means the event had to be held Saturday morning in Japan because of the time difference.



Oh man, it was such a good card! Most of the fights were so exciting. I was super impressed with Claudia and Jessica. I was surprised K-Taro won a decision, actually, but really happy for him. He wasn’t really aggressive. Okami was a samurai and fought last minute two weight classes above, but did a crappy takedown and got Von Flu choked out in the first round. x_x Yashabo won. Yay. Tsuru-chan and I were near where they walked out, so that was cool.



I went straight to Groundslam after the event, but afternoon pro practice had already ended, so I stretched out with Nori-p and a few others, and then went home. Later that evening, I met Kunioku-san, my former striking coach, in Yokohama and we ate Yaki niku together. It’s always fun chatting with him.

and Yaki niku!

Sunday was great. I ate and then went to morning class at Groundslam. Kimura-san was teaching. There were quite a few people there! I was impressed! I got a nice workout in!



After that, I showered and took the train an hour to Sagami-oono, which I haven’t visted since I went for the purpose of playing Dance Dance Revolution like ten years ago when that was the closest machine I knew. haha. There, I met my friend Midori, who was a former Berlitz English student who I made friends with. Then we met up with her husband and two kids who had become teenagers! wow. Together, we went to a city fair and watched her youngest daughter, who is four years old, do an English song and dance performance put on by her English school. It was so nice to spend time with Midori! She had been pregnant with her youngest when I left four years ago.



Then, I took the train to Atsugi city, which was kind of nearby, and walked around my old home! I love Atsugi and lived there for four years before I moved to Kawasaki. So my favorite sembei shop had gone out of business so I was sad. And my favorite bakery didn’t have the crunchy mentaiko pan I LOVE SO MUCH AND OMG two years ago when I went, I didn’t get to have it either, and last year I didn’t have time to go to Atsugi, so I’m pretty bent out of shape that they ran out and I didn’t get any. *huff*

I had really good taiyaki, though.

I went back to Kawasaki and had tea after dinner with Goto-san! He gave me models of two statues for my birthday, which was this day. It was great to chat with him and have tea like we used to frequently!!



Monday I went to Groundslam morning pro practice. Kunioku-san asked me to do warmups with him. We did like two five minute rounds of takedown uchikomis, and then I just held on and we did a round of grappling. LOL Then we put on gloves and did MMA. It was so cool! I was honored that he wanted to train with me. He kept taking me down. Effortlessly. haha it’s cool that despite me getting better, some things never change. I also sparred with Uno-san, Tokoro-san, and Shinashi Satoko san, who had started going to Groundslam lately. I had so much fun! I didn’t go killer speed with anybody and didn’t get hurt. That’s pretty much what I wanted!

Dude, Shinashi is such a veteran! Her record is 36 and 3. THIRTY NINE FIGHTS!!!! (I’ve had 38 but my record ain’t as good as that!) I was watching her fight around the time I had my debut fight in Japan!



I was actually so excited and psyched to be able to roll with her! Her grappling is slick!

It’s such an honor to train with Uno-san! He fought in first UFC I ever watched when I was 18.

Then I went to Shinagawa and met Karla, my former co-worker, for lunch. It was so great to catch up with her! She has since advanced her position and of course tried to get me to return to the company. Haha I really REALLY loved working at Berlitz. But that time has passed… Thanks for the presents! She gave me a minion hat and the hilarious thing is that I’ll probably end up wearing that out at some point…. hah!

TUF 26 blog episode 5: Maia vs Sarj

Saturday, July 29th

I was told that the teams would switch times half way through the season. I’ve been counting down the days! Training during mealtimes sucks… 12:00-2, and then 6:00-8. When am I supposed to eat? And we sat around all morning, when I was most energetic, and then got home late, when my body shut down so I had crappy evening sessions. My other teammates appeared to be of the same mindset, but then when the staff said that we hade a choice and do we want to switch? Nobody seemed to jump at it. Huh? I was so confused and upset. Maybe nobody wanted to rock the boat? I was DYING to switch, but the team was like, “Whatever you guys want.”

Yesterday at our morning first practice a guy came to balloon our noses. It’s some treatment that’s supposed to help clear out blockages and help fighters breath. I do have a deviated septum so I can’t breathe out of my right nostril, actually. It happened during my fight in the last Ultimate Fighter season 18. However, I heard that the procedure can cause bleeding and you have to get it done again in the future, so I skipped it. They had come to Syndicate once. I didn’t want a ruptured nose in the middle of my fight camp.

I was the only one who seemed to feel this way, though. They were doing it in our training time, so I thought somebody would also opt out and join me to train, but no. ~_~;; I wanted to train! People kept bringing in guests during our training time. I was really annoyed, actually, but the procedure helped some people, so that’s good. It was very nice of whoever arranged it to want to help us fighters. Everything done was for our benefit. I just wished they did it in the morning at the house when we had nothing else to do but clean the kitchen.

I started doing physical training stuff like jumps onto the cage platform, an ab routine, squats, etc. :/ We finally started half an hour later. Muay Thai specialist Phil Nurse was visiting. I really liked his combos! We did jumping lows, and a pendulum-style kick with a check jab. I got to work with Karine. I didn’t really like the “batting the hand away” thing he taught, but my striking style is avoidance and blocking, rather than parrying, so it makes sense I didn’t take to it. Justin came over and said he thinks the combos will fit into my game.

Once drilling was over, the coaches started doing game-planning practice with Maia and Gillian who were fighting soon. I sparred with Rachael a bit. She wanted to kickbox with small gloves, while I wanted to either grapple with small gloves or kickbox with big gloves, so we only just did a little bit.

I was really anxious that I didn’t work hard enough that class, so I asked Karine to help shark-tank me. I would flurry on the bag really hard for 30 seconds, and then she would take me down and hold me for 1 minute and I’d have to get away. Then 30 seconds striking, repeat etc.

We did one round, and just as we were starting the second, one of the staff came over and said, “NO CONTACT FOR TWO WEEKS!” and literally pulled her off me. GRRRR I was so pissed off. I don’t get pissed off easily. Unfairness, children being harmed, my name being spelled wrong, and not being able to train how I want are pretty much the only things.

Later on, the coaches had a meeting and said that they preferred to switch training times. Their living schedules were messed up, too, and they were tired as well. I was SO relieved.

Sunday July 30th

I met Maia for the first time on the show and we made friends. From the very beginning, we enjoyed doing jiujitsu together. Actually on the first day we couldn’t go to the gym, we did jiujitsu in the den on the carpet! I knew I was fighting so she said she’d help me prepare. I love Maia! She’s so sweet and thoughtful. I hadn’t even realized her background was boxing since she was so slick on the ground.

Sarj just barely made weight. Maia made it no problem. Maia was worrying about Sarj, but I tried to tell her not to worry about it, and just focus on herself. It’s hard, though, because if Sarj couldn’t make it, she would be sent home and there would be no fight. I like Sarj and wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help or advise, but obviously I couldn’t do that for someone on the other team. Plus I wanted Maia to win.

As the time got closer to go to the weighins, I heard someone praying.





“Dang,” I thought. “Are they asking God to help them now? I bet she stopped sweating.” I felt sympathetic because I know how much weight cutting sucks, but I’ve never gotten to the point where my body stopped being able to lose fluids. That’s super extreme. But hey, at the end of the day, if you can’t make the weight, you don’t belong in that weight division.

In the fight, the weight-cut didn’t seem to affect Sarj. She still seemed sharp. Maia’s striking looked sharp and on point, too! In the end, Sarj managed to get the take down and get a submission. Maia used to fight at 115, and Sarj, at 135. That’s a three weight-class difference! And Sarj is really skilled on top of that, being a decorated black belt. Maia’s loss effected me deeply. I really made friends with Maia and I was so bummed out for a days. Even one of the camera guys, who’s not supposed to talk to us anymore than we can talk to them, whispered, “Are you okay?” to me. I know there’s nothing we can do or say to make the pain of a loss any better, only refocus the mind and cover that negative experience with positive experiences in the present. Maia has been such a great support and friend to me. I hoped I could do the same for her. She didn’t really get to show all that she could do and all her potential in this fight. I can’t wait to see her next match, whenever that may be!

This episode showed how Lauren felt like Eddie was giving her a hard time for not coming to practice. Is that an old school mentality? Even when I won my fight with zero injuries, my coaches were telling me to take a day off. Fighters need to! We put our bodies through so much stress and trauma with not only cutting weight (starving and dehydrating yourself unnaturally), and then the emotional stress taxes you FOR DAYS, and then physically beating on and getting beat on somebody using 100% of effort and physical ability? And then if you lose, you are devastated and thrown, a flaming ball of misery, into the emotional pits of Hell?

It’s not just “oh you lost the game, don’t worry, you’ll live and learn and try against next time!” No. People who say that make me upset. Please try to understand- fighting is our career and livelihood. Winning or losing means our next job is on the line. What if you worked for 6 months and didn’t know what day you would actually get paid, or if you’d make your full salary or half? If the boss likes you maybe he’ll let you work another six months but then still might not pay you? That’s the uncertainty of a fighter.

ooookay sorry that turned into a rant about my pet peeve. lol

Anyway, fighters need to rest and are notorious for not resting enough, especially after getting hit in the head. Rest that brain! I usually try and take more time off if I’m at home (meaning 5 days haha), but in the Ultimate Fighter house, there are only eight girls on the team, so if somebody is out, somebody doesn’t have a partner.

But you know what? Too bad! I remember on the last season of the Ultimate Fighter, I got slammed on my head, right? I got a concussion. I was feeling dizzy and unwell, but I was pressured by the coaches to ‘get back in the gym and help everyone train.’ In their defense, they didn’t know I had a concussion. A few weeks after that, I got an MRI and found out the news. My back, shoulders, and neck were effed up, but I still let Julianna practice guillotining me a billion times. SO when she beat Sarah Moras in the finals by THAT guillotine, you guys have no idea what ecstatic joy I felt! I was like, ‘YEAH! YEEEEEEAH! F YEAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

So I really like Eddie a lot and respect his thought process, but I totally sympathized with Lauren on this one. Sometimes you have to suck up your feelings and do stuff, but happy fighters fight well, so emotions do play a part. Being made to feel confident, cared about, etc, play a role in performance.

TUF 25 blog week 4 – Nicco vs Lauren

TUF 26 blog, episode 4

Wednesday July 26th,

I enjoyed working with Vinny today. He reviewed rubber guard with me. I forgot to write in my journal if it was a class or just private training, because we sometimes broke the class and everyone did whatever they wanted, so I often pounced on Vinny and asked him to teach me jiujitsu-y stuff. So yeah, I’m trying to use get rubber guard better in MMA situations, or use it to transition, and he taught me some details. Then Luke held mitts for me. I really hate training at night. My body shuts down. When we got home from evening practice, I ate a Quest bar and was about to fall asleep, but listening to Rachael sing in the shower was nice. We aren’t allowed to listen to music, and we’re not allowed to sing either, because of copyrights or whatever. I hope this doesn’t embarrass her by saying this, but she has a really pretty voice and I took my sleeping ear plugs out to listen. haha I think the staff eventually came out and asked her to stop. :/

I woke up at 3 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep.

Thursday July 27th,

Today’s practice was great. We did hard- take-down/ get up scrambles. Team Gaethje members emphasis getting back up, rather than allowing yourself to get pushed back and just accepting guard. They have excellent points. “No fight is won from your back!” I actually don’t agree with that at all. If you can submit them or sweep them from the bottom, you can absolutely win. That’s definitely a wrestler’s mentality, and they are all wrestlers. So we got a very emphatic talking-to by the coaches during and after practice. :/ Half of us are jiujitsu girls, the other half, wrestlers. I’ve had times in training or fights where I had to make a split second decision: I’m loosing my balance and going down. Should I try and bounce back up but have to give up my back or allowed myself to get gripped in the process, and have a 50% chance of failing and getting my back taken or mount? Or should I cut my losses, get my defensive guard position, and work for submission or sweep? It’s a split-second decision, and one is made by calculating how tightly are they holding on to me as I’m going down, and can I wriggle out enough to have a high enough percentage of bouncing up before they pin me?

Today after practice, we showed, ate, hung around, and watched Nicco and Lauren fight! I had never trained with Lauren, but I knew she was coming down a weight-class, was former Invicta champion, and was in the UFC. I didn’t know Nicco that well, and hadn’t had a lot of opportunities to spar with her much yet. I enjoyed drilling technique with her. I was impressed with her ability, not only technique-wise, but the fact that she could control her power and intensity down to the percentage. If I said, “Hey, let’s go 50% power,” she could. If I said, “Hey, let’s go 33.5485%,” I’m sure she could do that, too. Hahaha I haven’t really seen her fight so I feel like she came out of no-where, so to speak, but she was good. And super nice, and slept in the bunk above me.

TUF 26 episode 3 blog

I couldn’t seem to fit in strength and conditioning sessions to my training well. I’ve always struggled with that, though, because doing upper body aggravates various nagging pains and I can’t train MMA on the same day. I missed my trainer Lorenzo. I wished we had a sled or TRX at the TUF gym.

On Tuesdays, we had the morning off (kind of), got sports massages (thanks for bringing in therapists, TUF and UFC!), and then in the evening, we went to the UFC Performance Institute (aka The PI). I think everyone liked it but me. I just had a massage, and I was in recovery mode, so the last thing I wanted to do was do a hard strength and conditioning session three hours later. Am I wrong? We had MMA practice every day besides Tuesday. I seemed to be the only one who was complaining. :/ And if I went “lightly,” the exercises were useless, not strengthening me, and just stopping me from recovering. Oh well, every body is different, right?

So I want to apologize to the trainers who were trying to help me and I was giving them attitude. I tried to just clench my teeth and do it, but I exude negative energy all over the place. I can never hide my feelings, no matter how hard I try. I think I even cried in the bathroom. I was really frustrated at my body, and the situation. I had really wanted to utilize the equipment and get training, just not on Tuesday, which was the only day we could go. Sorry. So the first time we went to the PI I was fighting in a few days, so I didn’t have to work out. I cut weight. The next time I went I forced myself to try it, and felt crappy afterwards. The third time I kind of hid upstairs on the mats and grappled someone and ignored the fact I was supposed to do S&C…. Thank goodness that didn’t get shown on film. I actually cut weight two times there…. Haha One time I did a body scan. If you look carefully, there’s one quick scene of my head sticking out of the cryotherapy chamber. There were more things I didn’t get to try. OH! The body scan was great! I had been worrying about my bone density because…… TMI alert, but if you really wanna keep reading……..

For about 7 years while I was living in Japan, I stopped getting my period. Maybe like twice a year. I went to the doctor and he confirmed that it was probably because of my strenuous exercise and low weight and body weight.

But…. he calculated and I didn’t have that low body fat. It was like 25 or 27%, I forget exactly now, but I was confused because I thought I would have lower. Anyway, the body takes calcium from your bones due to some estrogen balance, so he told me to take calcium pills. Female athletes: 14 to 20%, Fit women: 21 to 24% , Healthy/acceptable: 25 to 32%, Overweight: 33% plus.

I got scanned and it showed that my bone density was great! Even above average! YESSSSsss! And I was 15% body fat I think? That blows my mind but makes sense. I’m like 10 lbs heavier now than I was in Japan when it was calculated, but gained more muscle, so cool? So I felt super accomplished.

/end TMI

Female athletes have problems most people have no idea about.

The resident nutritionist gave us hand-outs about how to weight cut properly! I knew it all already, and actually, the fact that I was already doing it was great reassurance.

So Justin said he was going to take us bowling, and I was so excited! Until I heard everyone was leaving at 8:30 or 9. I had been going to bed by 9:30. I literally cannot sleep in, so if I go to bed at midnight or 12:30 after getting home, for example, I’d still be waking up at 4:30 AM. Sadly, I decided to pass. Nicco, my teammate and bunk-mate also passed, so I didn’t feel like a total loser. LOL Everyone else got all dolled up, had fun, and danced a lot. This is why I’m single. I prioritize sleep over going out. I feel like I’d be a boring girlfriend, unless my man were also a morning person….

okay so moving on from that….

I felt like I needed a few more rounds of hard sparring, so I plotted with Maia and Rachael in our room before bed. The next day in class, we did clinch work for technique that day, and then requested sparring afterwards after class broke. He approved. Karine was on medical suspension from having just fought, poor Gillian got sick with food poisoning, and Montana just made weight, so it was just Maia, Rachael, and I. It felt great! We did one minute rounds shark-tank style with Vinny watching and timing us. We did one round with each other, and then the odd person out did flurries of ground and pound on the heavy bag. Then assistant coach Luke jumped in and we did added specific wall wrestling in addition to full MMA sparring. Before practice, I had done abs in the living room by doing navy seals and mountain climbers sliding on the hardwood floor with socks, so all around, it was a fantastic session.

We went more lightly at night. I asked Luke to hold mitts for me. He showed me a few combinations that I liked that kinda fit into my style.

That’s what was going on with me during the time the third episode was filmed. I really liked seeing Ariel and Montana’s home videos. I didn’t know much about Ariel but ended up chatting with her more later on in the season. I found out how she used to do rodeo a lot! How unique! I like her a lot.



Montana ended up being one of my most frequent sparring partners. Due to our fight schedules, we ended up training more with certain people.

Her ground is sick! Her wrestling is better than mine, so I got a lot of practice defending take-downs. lol And her long arms. And this! I was constantly trying to stop her from taking my back or defending it. haha I loved training with her.



She talked a lot about her daughter so it was cool to watch the episode and see footage of her.

The fight was good.



Montana sunk in a D’Arce choke and at first I thought Ariel had defended it so Montana should switch to something else, but she didn’t let go and then Ariel tapped. Alrighty then! wow. I was impressed.

shout out to my sponsor Mei Li Fighting! She makes my favorite shorts. They’re so comfortable, durable, and cool-looking. They’re designed for women but fit men and there are men’s cuts, too. https://meilifighting.com/

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It was a “smile and carry on” kind of week

“Why are you always so happy?”

I get that a lot. I’m not always happy. I just try and use thinking techniques to see the good in situations (Pollyanna’s Glad Game anyone?).

Last week, for example, was terrible for me. However, I have family, friends, and my home, so it’s nothing compared to what people in Texas or Florida or the Islands south of there are going through, so let me just get that out of the way and say best wishes and safety to them.

When I got back from the Ultimate Fighter, I found the Syndicate training schedule had been changed. My recovery periods, sparring days, massage days, and physical training days got all discombobulated. I’ve been trying to find a new balance and for the past two weeks, I haven’t been successful at all. It has been sucking…..

Captain stopped teaching jiujitsu classes at Syndicate. That was the biggie of the week. I am pretty upset to put it lightly.



Hopefully he’ll be able to focus more on his MMA training because I’m sure it was a hard schedule for him to teach morning and evening in addition to training. I really like Casey’s jiujitsu classes, so that’s good. Tom Lawlor teaches a great no-gi class. See how hard I’m trying to be positive? I also consider Captain a fight trainer since he corners me and makes an effort to teach me jiujitsu for MMA.

I lost motivation to train last week, which never happens, and actually went home early on Thursday because I just couldn’t. I did a lot of strength and conditioning, though. That’s good.

On the positive side, I’ve taken a few private lessons with Captain and they were RIDICULOUSLY USEFUL. I started implementing all these little details and I’ve gotten a TON of stuff on various people over the past week! That’s really really important and good!

Every day I have to get stronger and better somehow! It’s a race! Every day is a race.



On another positive side, I’m home at Syndicate instead of being locked in the TUF house. I have my car, my friends, my head coach, etc. One of my sick family members is doing better lately, so I’m relieved about that.

I’ve been talking to my Aunt Mary more, which is really nice. I’m trying to keep in touch with my extended family more now that I’m an adult and not in Japan anymore, but it’s still hard, you know?

I’ve been talking to my dad more, which is nice. Same deal- he’s so busy he doesn’t call me that much, and I don’t want to bother him. But I miss him! Lately I’ve been trying to call more.

I made phone dates with my mom to talk every Sunday at 3 PM, because with our schedules, we just weren’t talking AT ALL, which is unacceptable. Now it’s weekly!