Roxanne Modafferi's Blog, page 13

TUF 26 – episode 2 blog

I love my intro clip!!!!!!!!!!!!

KamehameHA!!!

shooting energy blasts is awesome!

Anyway. Welcome to my blog/ journal surrounding Ep 2, which was the first and second week we were in the house.

I hated our training schedule. It screwed up my eating schedule. We trained from 12-2, and then 6 PM-8. I have to try and have a smaller breakfast because I don’t need it to hold me from 4 AM to 1 PM like I do back home. I usually eat so much for breakfast that it was weird not, and I felt emptier. Then, I ate half a lunch before practice and half afterwards. I hated the feeling but we had no choice. The other team got the 10 AM – 12, 4:00 PM-6 time slot.

So I feel like Justin’s style is kickboxing, but his roots are wrestling. I think in his fights, he uses his wrestling to avoid getting taken down, and in turn KOs his opponents. He and his coaches told us from the beginning that we’d be doing a lot of wrestling. I ended up learning some nice things. I liked going with my new teammates and experiencing their skill and style. We also went with the coaches a lot. I ended up getting confused and struggled with certain things because their way of explaining things is different than Coach John’s.

“I’m confusing the sh*t out of you,” Justin said at one point. The cameras were all over us.

It wasn’t his fault at all. “It’s me! Not you!” I said, chagrined.

My brain just absorbs stuff a certain way. Great, now my dumb confused look will be all over TV I thought. What would John say? ‘Stop overthinking it, you do this all the time.’ Alright, fine! ~_~; So I just did some move (the shuffle step) that I might do in a similar situation, and Justin said, “That was it! That was it exactly!” Then I realized the step he was describing WAS what I do all the time, just with a different name. And then everybody says “You’re overthinking it” and I get irritated because it’s not like that.

TUF 26 Episode 1: Roxy’s blog

When I walked into the TUF gym for the first time…for the SECOND time as a contestant, I thought, “Welcome to the jungle. Here I go again. This time, it’ll be different.”

We saw Eddie Alvarez and Justin Gaethje standing before us on either side of a big TV screen. I admit I fan-girled over Eddie a little bit at first. I’ve been watching him fight for years, and it turns out that we started fighting the same year, 2003, within months of each other! I wanted to be on his team so badly. I knew Justin was the WSOF champ and an exciting fighter, but didn’t know much about him personally.

On the way over, I had said to DeAnna, “Hey, when we are paired up for evaluations, do you wanna be partners? Since we already fought, you already know my game….” I was, not nervous, but I guess you could say wary, because we didn’t know the teams yet. I’d train with my teammates no problem, but I didn’t know who I was fighting first, so I didn’t wanna show them my favorite moves. DeAnna was all for it. When we got split up, we were in different groups. I politely told the staff that DeAnna and I would like to work together, so could we change groups? The friendly staff politely replied no, go with my assigned group. ^^;;

dang it

So I made a bee line for Rachael Ostovich-Berdon, who I was friends with on Instagram. I had posed with her many times at Invicta in our weigh-in costumes. lol



(I screen-capped the episode so images are copyrighted TUF or UFC or whoever)

We were with Team Gaethje’s coaches first. Justin, his striking coach Trevor Whittman, his training partner and wrestling coachMatt Lopez (current UFC fighter), striking coach Luke “Lil’ Hulk” Caudillo (former UFC/Strikeforce/etc fighter), and Vinny Magalhaes BJJ trainer! (fighter and my former teammate!).

Whaaaaat! VINNY?! I gave him a big hug.

Matt had us do strikes into take-down fit ins, to test our ability. Matt took turns going with each of us at least once. Then, we did rounds on the heavy bags observed by Luke. Trevor and Justin sat on a bench and briefly interviewed us. Why do we fight? Our motivation. Our heroes. etc I was impressed. It seemed very thorough.

Throughout this process, I kept hearing crashes and commotion coming from the cage area. (We were on the grappling mats.) “Dang, what are they doing over there?” I thought, about Team Alvarez evaluations. Then they went over to the treadmill and had the fighters run.

After one hour passed, we switched. I admit I was a little nervous …. I got to chat briefly with Eddie and he asked me about living in Japan. He had fought in Japan! Then he said, “OKay gear up. You’re sparring. 70%!”

I was like, “ummmmmmmmmm oh crap.” None of us had trained at all in a week before hand. I didn’t really WANT to spar someone since I didn’t know who I’d be fighting. I didn’t trust people to go easy….I didn’t want to go hard. I didn’t want to get beat up because I was going easy and they were going hard.

My first partner was Sijara. I remember chatting with her during the tryouts. She was so cool! A black belt in BJJ, we both agreed that if we’d get into the house, we’d bring our gi’s and try and get some gi training in. “Hey, Sijara,” I said, putting on my shin guards and she her helmet. “Sooo Eddie said 70% but that seems a bit much. Do you wanna go like 50% or something? Just show our technique?”

She smiled at me. “Oh no, he said 70%, so that’s cool! Let’s just do that!”

crap. ;_; alrighty then!

It really sucked. There was a heavybag in the middle of the cage dividing it so a few groups could go, so I barely had space. I was sliding all over the slippery plastic flooring since it wasn’t quite canvas… “Okay okay what do I know about Sijara?” I asked myself as we started testing jabs. I had followed her on instagram and she posted all these pics of her with her boxing coach. “Okay boxing boxing boxing….” suddenly I was in a front headlock …guillotine…or something. She had my neck and I couldn’t move. lol “JIUJITSU BLACK BELT!” My brain screamed at me. It was kind of a stalemate since I couldn’t move because of the headgear, and our gloves were so bulky she couldn’t quite get a blood choke. I forget if I tapped to get her to let go or if it was a crank or what but I survived that and then we switched partners. I think I sparred Maia? She was so fast. I was getting lit up when I stood in front of her. I couldn’t move well. I didn’t want to hit her back too hard! I looked horrible. Then I went with Rachael and she did some beautiful take downs and spinning stuff and finally I was tired of getting beat up because I couldn’t get my aggressiveness going, and I think I was like “RAAAAR” and flurried hard and took her down. I think it was Rachael I was sparring with. My memory isn’t the best under stress. lol I mean, Eddie is right when he says it’s the best way to see people’s abilities…I just… x_x wasn’t ready.

Anyway, then Eddie said he wanted to test our fitness by having us do sprints. My heart monitor thingies didn’t read my pulse, which is frustrating, but just another part of being the vampire that I am. (can’t eat garlic, look the same as in younger pictures, etc)

After we finished evaluations, I actually hoped that Justin would pick me for his team. My biggest anxiety was not having John Wood coach me. My second biggest anxiety was that my training partners would go too hard in training and hurt me, or we’d train too hard and I couldn’t recover and would get hurt and then everyone would hate me as a partner….surely Vinny would also put in a good word for me? I’ve heard Eddie was a good coach, though. I was just anxious all around. Other girls were probably anxious because they didn’t know what was gonna happen, and I was anxious because I DID know what could.

Eddie won the coin toss. I thought he would pick me, so I steeled myself. He picked Barb! Then Justin picked me! I was so excited!!

Look at Vinny smiling in the background behind Justin.

Kizuna – bonds, and my week after TUF

“Kizuna” is a Japanese word that means “ties, bonds,” in the emotional and spiritual sense.

I love this word. I was considering getting it tattooed on my leg, except Japanese people don’t like tattoos and think kanji character tattoos are stupid, thus negating the gesture for me because I want to show my connection with Japan. lol

We all have kizuna, bonds, with other people. It’s a beautiful thing. Think for a second about how special that is. We pass people by every day in our lives, but some people we meet, talk to, do business with, work with, make friends with, and form relationships with.

I’m so grateful for people who come into my life. Think about a friend. How did you meet him or her? I met my best friends from high school in line for lunch. I met my roommate/training partner Serena on Facebook when she messaged me as a fan wanting to train. I met Coach John when I visited Syndicate as a mere polite gesture to Amanda, intending to join another gym, and then fell in love with the gym and his classes.

When I was on The Ultimate Fighter, I made connections with people I lived with, people I trained with, and even the staff, who are never seen behind the scenes.

Bonds you make are there forever. They might change depending on the relationship, but we will stay connected, even if the person is not in your life anymore, whether they be living in a different location, or even passed away. I think that humans have experiences and should think about them. That’s why we can learn and better ourselves from both positive and negative things. Whether an experience is positive or negative is often about perception and beliefs. Emotions and how we feel are very fickle and subjective. (I wrote a book on this about positivity…see my website store here link) We are like a painting on a huge canvas. Once you paint a stroke, you can’t erase it, but you can cover it up or blend it with another color to make an even different color.

I guess I’m feeling pensive this morning. I woke up in my own bed, new computer, so happy to be able to train at Syndicate again and drive my own car again, but also missing my new friends and TUF coaches like crazy. But we’ll always have that special “kizuna” that we made on the show. The MMA world is a small place and I’m sure I’ll see them ALL again.

I can’t wait for the premier episode of TUF 26 this coming Wednesday. Watch, on Fox Sports 1!

So many inside jokes I can’t say or post! So many things only TUF participants would understand.

Dang, it’s Friday already?!? So I got out of The House last Friday night and Dana White took us out to dinner at this amazing delicious Italian restaurant! It made me miss my father a lot because he used to take me out a lot to those in Boston.

I got pictures with both coaches, Justin and Eddie. Both are great men!

My friend Serena welcomed me home with open arms. We ended up staying up later than I had anticipated because I was charged up on food and wanted to unpack. Saturday I woke up exhausted and Serena went to corner our BJJ kid students at NAGA. Thank you! I feel like that was my responsibility but I was so tired.

Actually, when I tried to start my car, I found that my battery had died and spewed acid all over the place, so not only did I have to get a new battery, but had to replace a supporting bolt and some wires.

$250. ;_; Could have been worse. When I was in the House, I overheard my housemate Emily tell someone, “I got my friend to start my car so the battery doesn’t die while I’m away.” I thought, “Uhhh….. uh oh…” but I didn’t know it would spit acid like that. Lee must have missed me terribly, poor boy. I’ll love you until the day you die and don’t start anymore!

Sunday after yoga class we did lots of best-friend things – I made her cheat on her diet.



Chinese food dim sum for lunch, followed by a movie (The Hitman’s Bodyguard), and then she helped me shop for a laptop. I chose an Asus and I think it’s working out.

I’m back from TUF 26

I’m back from The Ultimate Fighter Season 26!

It was an experience very similar and yet very different from my past experience on TUF 18.



I met a lot of good people who I will never forget, had some experiences I wouldn’t mind forgetting, but many unique and memorable ones that even my bad memory won’t let slip away. lol I learned MMA techniques, struggled, laughed, cried, deprived myself of TACOS for an unholy amount of time, folded a ton of origami, ate new things, found new foods, wore lots of Reebok, drew designs on my clothes, and found companionship in like-minded souls. I missed my Syndicate coaches but found support in my enthusiastic and caring new coaches. I steeled myself to be alone in the House, but realized time and time again that I wasn’t really alone.

It was like a crazy time-zone in there, kind of like the world of Narnia. I couldn’t sense the passage of time. I had no idea what day of the week it was. The day felt like it dragged on, but when I lay down to go to bed at the end of the day, I thought, ‘Where did the day go? That was quick.” My theory that it WAS Narnia. Look at the backyard! There’s a stone table and lamp post and everything.

I can’t give any more details, but the primer of the show is almost upon us! It’s every Wednesday starting August 30th on Fox Sports 1 at 7 PM PST/10 PST.

I’m allowed to share pics of the House that I took when I got my cell phone back as I was packing to leave.



Narnia, and the hammock we requested.



I was able to take a walk every morning. I haven’t lived in so much vegetation since I went to highschool in Lenox Massachusetts! I even got to pick cicada shells off the trees like I did when I was a kid!

super busy week of training MMA, doing & teaching BJJ, other updates

Awesome week! I canceled my kids private lessons so I could focus on training, which makes me sad. But I still taught class and they were great. We got a few new kids who will probably join. Yay! They’re so enthusiastic!

Everybody’s asking me if I’m going to the International Fight Week.

aaaand do what? There’s no expo. I have to train and teach kids. Actually, I taught some adult classes, too, for Captain because he went to compete in the big IBJJF tournament this weekend.



I was honored he asked me.

He always supports me and has my back, so I wanted to have his back, too.

Although he gets my back more often with more…unfortunate results for me. Actually, his side control is the worst. ~_~ And he taunts me, saying “You can do fooking nothing!”

-_-;

It’s true, I cannot move nor breathe. Judo background at it’s finest! It’s very impressive to taunt in a foreign language. I can do it in Japanese, but not Portuguese….

He got silver in no-gi.



And due to a time mix up, missed his division the next day. >< That's too bad! But I'm still proud of him. He hadn't competed in jiujitsu in years, much like myself, due to focusing on MMA. And, much like me when I lost after my first time back, he's even more motivated to train hard! Oss!

I can only win if I use illegal techniques.

“Don’t worry about anything during training,” Q-chan, TV shows, languages

It’s been a good week. A hard week. “Sometimes you have to have a rough one to have a good one,” Donny, my training partner told me one day, when I was looking like hell after training.

It felt like in the previous week, every technique I tried to do, I failed to do. I know that when I first learn something, many times I can’t do it live that day. I have to practice it and drill it first to master it. But man, I was counting and I felt I couldn’t do anything I wanted! But I know I know, it’s just part of training. I just have to battle my emotions, relax, and just look forward to the next time I get to try stuff.

Diego, Captain’s black belt friend, actually took me aside (because his wife Luciana probably told him I’d been crying in the girls’ changing room -_- …snitch!) and said to me, “Don’t worry about anything during training. It’s your attitude and feelings that make good training. If you feel happy and good, you have good training.” He explained further, and I can’t remember the direct quotes, that I (Roxanne) train every day and there are other things involved, like my tiredness level or the strength of a bigger man as my partner. I told him that was upset me was when I forget the techniques I was taught. I hate when I forget what I should know! And then he repeated, “We all forget! Don’t worry about anything during training.”



That kind of made an impression on me. I feel like I know this, but it was nice to hear it again from someone other than my inner voice, you know? And it makes sense. I try and follow my own Jedi-like code : “There is no emotion, there is peace.” Emotions are not needed during a fight, or training. Once I start getting frustrated or upset, it inhibits further technique and training.

Thursday I repeated that to myself to try and calm myself down when I was having a rough session.

Wednesday, John, Jordan, and Rich helped shark-tank me.

The week before that, Jordan and Serena helped me out, and Captain jumped in when John couldn’t make it. That was sweet… I didn’t even ask him! I was in the middle of going as hard as I could and I started to hear his voice.

I’ve been doing lots of double sessions back to back lately. My weight loss has been stagnating, but if I don’t eat, I’m tired and don’t recover as well. It’s a balance! A hard one. Well, I only have two pounds to lose before I reach where I want to be.

And I was stress-eating during Serena’s fight week. LOL Our friend’s suffering becomes our suffering a little bit. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten two donuts in one sitting. haha New experiences all around….

So her family left and that was sad, but then my friend Q from college came to visit from the Boston area! It was great! She went sight-seeing on the Vegas strip when I had to train, and then we hung out together during other times. We saw a comedy show, and I was excited that Mike Hammer, the comedian, knew who I was!

what “champion” means

Work ethic.

My friend Serena and I have many things in common: a love of anime, nachos, ice cream, food in general, MMA, fighting, movies, we’re apartment mates, etc., but one of the most unusual things we have in common is work ethic.

We both train every day. Until we drop. There’s a burning force that drives us to the gym, whether we are energetic, exhausted, injured, or sick (if we’re sick, we don’t wanna spread it so that’s the only time we won’t go.) If we don’t train what we think of as ‘enough,’ some little voice inside says something along the lines of, “You lazy weakling, you suck! You could be doing more!”

Coach John likes to say that “The sh*t you’d rather not be doing, is probably what you need to be doing the most of!” Whether that be striking for the grapplers, or grappling for the strikers, or strength training, etc.

Serena and I do it. And we’ve been improving our skills, thanks to our amazing and supportive coaches, and wonderful training partners.

As you all know, I’ve been on a winning streak. And Serena? She’s been improving SO much, and it killed me that she lost her previous fight because despite showing that improvement, she didn’t get the W. In addition to normal training challenges, she has to deal with being autistic. I can’t possibly understand how it feels because she puts it as “the brain being wired differently.” She’s sensitive to senses, like light, noise, stimulation, etc. Maybe similarly to how a non-depressed person can’t understand a clinically depressed person because we don’t have their chemical imbalance. It’s not a matter of “just cheer up.” Everybody has their own hurdles they have to jump over, and the mountain they have to climb to reach the top has it’s own rocky or jungle terrain to fight through.

This weekend at Tuff-N-Uff Serena showed me such heart as I have never seen before. She cut weight – that was the first battle, and showed me the heart of a champion and got through hell to get to heaven on the other side. Yes, it was hell. Hot tub sauna hell. x_x And I went in there with her. Because that’s what friends do.

Haha Serena this pic I found on google is appropriate, especially since I’m a vampire…

Anyway she went out and fought a tough girl and dominated. Not only did she won, but she won well, and she showcased lots of the technique she’s been fine-tuning and polishing. Her striking, her sense of distance, her counters, her take-down defense, cage control, it was all so beautiful. When they announced her unanimous decision victory, I cried a little.

She has a champion’s attitude. People can win or lose fights, but you don’t just become a champion for nothing. She really earned this. She works SO hard. She tries to be a good role model (except when she’s being a bad influence on me and trying to turn me to the Dark Side).



It was nice to see her mother and little huge brother this weekend. They flew in from Philadelphia for her fight and were a big support.



I’m so so SO proud of you, Serena! SO HAPPY for you!! You helped me win my fights, and I’m thrilled to help you win yours. Let’s keep working towards our next goals!

update: BJJ stuff, prodigy kids, fantastic training, translation, Leslie, Transformers

Training has been amazing.

I feel like I’m getting burnt out again, actually. But if there’s some amazing training scheduled, I want to do it. If I can do physical training to get stronger, I want to do it. If there are kids who want private lessons to get better, I want to do it.

I also want to lay down but that’s not a priority….

I’ve been having all kinds of breakthroughs in my jiujitsu game lately, thanks to Capitão. I’m preventing people from passing more. I’ve been improving my De La Riva guard a bit, and I improved my armbars. THAT’S what I’ve been trying to focus on lately. In my last three fights, I actually finished one but the other two people defended them. Whyyyyyyyyy?!



So I went over scenarios with Capitão and figured out what I could do better and I’ve been armbarring people more in practice. Yeah!!! Rick also gave me some great tips. I’ve been using his stuff, as well.



So Capitão’s friend Diego has a brother who is friends with this black belt (are you following?) who brought a team of youths to America to compete in some tournament, and they decided to stay for a few months to train. I LOVE THEM. Two boys and three girls.



They are supposedly prodigies, and I was like “alright whatever” and then the 12 year old ended up choking me out. And I didn’t even care. Actually no, I’m a little bothered, but that’s because I haven’t figured out how he did it and I’m jealous and I wanna do it, too. So he got my back and that was fine. He got some grip and it wasn’t tight. I was defending. He made an adjustment. Another adjustment. Another adjustment. Suddenly I realized that I was in danger but he was so physically strong. At that point I knew I was screwed so I tried to notice how he was doing it so I could try and remember….. and then he shifted my body to the side and got the power of leverage, finishing the gi cross choke and I tapped before I went unconscious. THAT SHIFT. I need to be taught that better. I’m missing a detail. Gah! I must knowwww. He seeks me out to roll in practice, which is flattering.

So Capitão told me that I need to put more pressure down and move less. That’s Prodigy child’s game, too, and when we go, I’m doing well until I get tired and then he passes and everything goes downhill. haha

So the other day I decided to try and squash his game. I tried to move slower and keep pressure and not get swept, and I did WAY better. Yay learning. And he didn’t choke me again. But I was tempted to give him my back to see his work again.

Why is he so strong? THIS IS WHY HE IS SO STRONG. HOLY O@U#I$*#@$. I just saw this on instagram!!

There should be no ego at the gym, but we are only human. If you love something and love learning something, it becomes easier if you remind yourself that we are all students.

Coach John taught me two really sweet wall techniques that I’ve been using successfully! YAY Thanks, John. Best coach ever.

Leslie Smith visited Syndicate this week! I had sparred her kickboxing two years ago and she annihilated me. I noticed big improvements this time so I was happy. I would love for her to come around more, like on MMA day! We’re not in the same weight class so I don’t mind training together!

Do you know the greatest riches in the world?

Each human being is born in the middle of a path. They travel down that path in their lives. The path splits off each time there is a decision to be made. Sometimes the “correct” path is clear (don’t steal that toy), sometimes it’s not clear. (study to become a teacher or a musician?). As I got older, I realized that there is no correct or incorrect path…..only how we feel about the outcome the path leads us to. In relationships, in job choices, choosing where to move or what house to buy, etc.

When I realized this, it took some of the pressure off some choices for me, knowing that whatever I chose, I would make it work. Because I was alive. For an actual warrior, defeat is death. Life is great. Life is amazing.

I recently found out that two of my family members on both sides of my family have serious cancer. Actually, I found out the same day.

Actually, there is a lot of cancer on both sides of my family, with almost every female on both sides of my family getting some form. So much in fact that I’m pretty convinced I’m gonna get it eventually. That sounds uncharacteristically pessimistic of me, but it brings a determined resolution: I have to live as much and as hard as I can with the time I have, because so many people don’t have time. Heck, I could be totally healthy and get hit by a car and die. We all die and don’t know when. I don’t want to know. So therefore, every day I wake up, every time I eat something delicious, every time I go out with friends, I am glad. Every time somebody cuts me of fin traffic, I’m not mad. I think, “Whoops that was dangerous. I’m glad I’m alive. I hope that guy doesn’t have an accident down the line because he’s kind of reckless.”

Every time I start my car, I’m grateful I have a car. I feel the weight of responsibility that I now control this huge piece of metal machinery. In life, safety and life are the most important things. Everything else, EVERYTHING, is secondary or trivial. Clothes, possessions, what wouldn’t you trade for health?

I don’t mind leaving the nest, but I often wish I could be closer to my family and see them more than once or twice a year.

When I imagined winning the lottery or getting rich, in the past I thought of traveling to Brazil, or Japan a FEW times a year, and maybe going to Texas De Brazil once a month. Now all I can think about is helping my family and the people I love. That’s why I want to be rich. I remember watching TUF Brazil and like half the fighters were like, “I want big UFC money so I can take care of my Mama and buy her a house.” I thought, “Aww that’s cute and kinda sappy.” Now I totally get it. I would want to keep my old Toyota, shop at Walmart, eat at Taco Bell, and help my family.

I keep thinking about my beloved family members. I’m glad I just saw them earlier this year. I wish I could do more to support them. But I have to stay focused and keep chasing my dreams. We are all on our own individual paths. Other people’s paths sometimes join with our own sometimes, or run parallel.

We can’t always save other people. They don’t always do what we advise. Other people make their own choices and have to live with the results of THEIR decisions. They chose the path to walk down, and we can’t pull them backwards, or have them skip to another path. Have you ever watched in frustration someone you cared about making a decision you thought was “wrong?”

I’m kind of feeling down at the moment. When my mind starts thinking about all that, I try and make my emotions swing upward. I’m worried about my family, but I have to be strong, be positive, be grateful, be a good role-model to my kids (kids BJJ class), and do things that will positively effect this world that we live in. I’m grateful for the body and the life I have and I will never never take it for granted.

back to training! Serena’s fight, TUF tryouts

After my Fusion Fight League fight, I told myself I’d take like a month off from kickboxing and do mostly grappling. Then my Invicta fight got set. After that, I told myself, okay, a month off…but now who knows when my next fight is? I went back to full MMA training Monday. I’m not one to take “time off” anyway. MMA is life to me. I don’t want to be doing anything else. Vacation is not doing kickboxing and cardio. lol

I want to make sure I helped my friend Serena train for her fight in Tuff-N-Uff on June 17th. I wasn’t really able to last week because I was trying to recover from my own fight while taking care of the crazy aftermath of my fight and then TUF tryouts.

Serena is one of my best friends and trains super hard every day.



(I’ve started teasing her for always flexing in pictures, but she HAS gained a lot of muscle over the recent months and that is something to be proud of.)

She’s like me in that she has to be held back or she’ll burn up, rather than have to be encouraged to go to the gym. I’m so proud of her and her outstanding work ethic. It’s ironically stupid that she lost her last fight because she’s been making massive improvements in her technique and game. I want her to have confidence in what she’s built up, and know that she can still win. Having been on a 5-fight losing streak, I know how hard it is. After I lost, and therefore lost confidence in myself, I made a change in my training, trained hard, believed in it, and went into the fight with renewed confidence believing that I changed myself into a different fighter in the past and I could achieve good results. And the second those negative thoughts start coming into your head, you have to replace them with positive ones. Remind yourself what you’ve been doing, remind yourself of your growth, remind yourself of your gameplan and how you can win. Because you can’t just banish thoughts without having anything take their place. “Replacement of thoughts” is the key, I think. Coach John used that phrasing and I like it.

Anyway, she’s looking sharp and strong and is the best version of Serena southpaw I’ve ever sparred with!

Here are some new photos that came out from Fusion Fight League April 1st, taken by Ryan Hall, matchmaker of that event and photograher.

He really got great close up pictures of our eyes and facial expressions! I don’t think I’ve seen my expression like this before!

I always rant about my awesome coaches but seriously, they teach me something and I literally go out and do it.

Of course, I have to be able to go out and execute the techniques, but I can’t say enough how grateful I am.

My friend Candy lent us (mostly Serena) the Attack on Titan Playstation 4 game! Which Serena kept inviting me to play, but it was bad timing, because I don’t consider video games relaxing. Anime is relaxing. Video games take mental effort and I never wanna play in the evening after training. Serena is away dogsitting for a week… I took the liberty of starting a game…. sorry Serena? ^^;; I probably won’t finish it because it’s freaking me out that Titans are chasing me, but I just wanted to play a little. Thanks, Candy!!!!

And in the Attack on Titan anime Eren did freaking DE LA RIVA SWEEP on the armored titan! HAHA JIUJITSU FOR THE WIN!!! sort of…

Oh yeah, the Ultimate Fighter tryouts. I did the tryouts! “Oh did you make it?” everybody and their brother are asking me.

Come on, guys.

The first rule of the Ultimate Fighter is you do not TALK about the Ultimate Fighter. LOL Whether people made it or didn’t, nothing is decided, and even if it was, I couldn’t tell you. So quit asking.

It was cool to meet a lot of people I knew there! There are a bunch of women I hope make it!



And I didn’t know a lot of ladies. Upon researching some, I found women from other weight divisions trying out. I totally understand and can’t fault them, but…… the UFC finally opened 125, so I hope 125-ers get chosen for the show, know what I mean? Barb Honchak was there! ooooooh I hope we both get chosen so we can have a rematch ! She choked me out some number of years ago and I want to prove I’m better.